Back pages | Anorak - Part 85

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Premier League news. Stories from the newspapers and BBC sport – sports news from tabloids Daily Mail, Daily Express, Daily Star, the Guardian, Daily Mirror, the times, daily telegraph

No Defence

‘FOOTBALLERS earn an absurd – and many would say obscene – amount of money, so how is it that they seem to be so badly advised.

United’s defence is resting

Rio Ferdinand yesterday lost his appeal against his eight-month ban for failing to attend a drugs test and with it his chance of appearing for England in Portugal in the summer.

And however much the Sun might try to excite sympathy for the Manchester United centre half this morning, one suspects that Ferdinand is somewhat fortunate that the length of the ban wasn’t increased.

With better advice, Ferdinand would have held up his hand to his offence at the beginning, probably received a lenient sentence and would now be looking forward to arriving in Portugal refreshed and raring to go.

As it was, both he and his club have fought what is essentially an open-and-shut case every step of the way and, whatever the Sun’s Shaun Custis thinks, got what he – and they – deserved.

However, even Ferdinand’s rejected appeal has to take second place in most papers this morning to a piece of history at Cheltenham where Best Mate won the Gold Cup for the third year in succession.

Only three horses, including the legendary Arkle, have achieved the feat before.

And, says the Telegraph, Arkle’s admirers are quick to defend their equine hero, saying that the winner of the Gold Cup in 1964, 1965 and 1966 would start as odds-on favourite were he alive today.

Best Mate’s trainer Henrietta Knight (who was too nervous even to watch the race) refused to get drawn into what is always a fatuous argument.

“Arkle was a great horse, Best Mate is a good horse – let’s leave it like that,” she said.

Similarly, comparisons between this England cricket side and the last England cricket side to win in the Caribbean are pointless.

But after their victory in the first Test at Sabina Park, Michael Vaughan’s men know that they have a great chance of emulating the 1968 team.

Much will depend on the toss and the Times says England are hoping to reverse their recent abysmal form in that department and take an early stranglehold on the match.

Much will also depend on West Indies skipper Brian Lara, who will be playing on his home ground and will be desperate to avenge last week’s humiliation.

However, as the Times points out, his average in Trinidad is only 40 – 10 less than his overall average and, until last year, he had only scored four Test fifties on the ground.

England’s bowlers, meanwhile, can only hope that their appeals meet a more favourable reception than did Rio Ferdinand’s…’

Posted: 19th, March 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

The Eyes Have It

‘ACCORDING to the official Chelsea website, Sebastian Coe is a fan of the club.

Appealing for leniency

But surely that cannot have any bearing on his call for Rio Ferdinand’s eight-month ban for missing a drugs test to be upheld.

The Express says that on the morn of Ferdinand’s appeal, the former athlete and former Tory MP thinks the ban was right.

“My gut view is that the ban was probably proportionate,” says Coe. “Missing or failing to take a drugs test is a doping offence.”

Meanwhile, the Sun hears that Ferdinand is hopeful that his ban will be reduced on appeal.

He tells the paper’s Shaun Curtis that he has never taken drugs. “No way, drug-taking is just stupid,” says the player.

“So I stared hard into his eyes and asked him: ‘Have you ever taken drugs?’” writes Curtis.

“Ferdinand’s stared straight back and without a flicker of his eye, rapped: ‘Never.’”

“I warned him that if he ever had, it would come out. Someone, somewhere would tell the story.”

Perhaps Curtis is right. But he should stare into a mirror and thus his own eyes and ask himself why, if Ferdinand has never been accused to taking drugs, are you asking him if he has?

And if he has taken drugs, why do you think it would come out, given the player’s inability to be tested and therefore proof to be found?

Elsewhere, away from football’s gutter, Michael Owen scored a goal last night. “Take that!” says the headline in the Mail. “Owen and Beckham answer critics and England lift for 2004.”

The Beckham is Day-vid Beckham, and he also scored a goal last night, a 30-yard free kick for Real Madrid, so confounding his, er, critics.

And if you know who any of those critics are, please let us know, since we’ve been labouring under the impression that Beckham has done no wrong and is universally loved in Spain, England and everywhere else.

As for Owen, well, he has been struggling to score in the proverbial brothel, so news of his two goals is indeed a fillip to his club (Liverpool beat Portsmouth 3-0) and his country.

Of course, one decent performance doesn’t really change things, something Claudio Ranieri is mindful of as his side prepare for the season’s run-in.

Whether he wins anything or not this term, the Mirror says that the Chelsea manager with the voice of an Italian Del Boy is on his way out.

His replacement will be one Ottmar Hitzfeld, a German and the current manager of Bayern Munich.

“At the moment I want to see out my contract at Bayern which runs until 2005,” says Hitzfeld.

Which in football speak means pretty much nothing, especially for a man whose side have just crashed out of the Champions’ League.

Although if we really want to know the truth, we should stare hard into his eyes and then ask him. And if Paul McKenna’s not available for the job, best get Shaun Curtis…’

Posted: 18th, March 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

Europe Trembles

‘IT’S becoming less that no-one likes Millwall per se and more that no-one likes playing them in the FA Cup.

A real two-pointer

The Sun reports that last night the Lions of South East London booked their place in the last four of the oldest knock-out cup with a 2-1 win over Tranmere Rovers.

That’s set up a semi-final clash with Sunderland and leaves Millwall one step away from bringing European football to the New Den.

“It’s great for the fans and great for the players,” says the team’s manager, Dennis Wise. And he’s right, but how good it will be for Anglo-European relations remains to be seen.

While the Foreign Office gets its apologies ready for the arrival of Millwall fans on the continent, Michael Owen is at an all-time low.

Speaking in the Express, Owen says the day he missed a penalty at Portsmouth in Liverpool’s FA Cup tie on the south cost was just awful.

“I was just so low I just wanted to wrap the season up there and then,” says the former boy wonder.

“I remember thinking: ‘I wish someone would just give us that fourth place and we could finish it all now.’”

That’s a pretty telling indictment on how far things have slumped at Anfield, when the club’s biggest star sees fourth as the height of his and his side’s ambitions.

Very soon third or fourth in the Premiership might be the limit of Manchester United’s target such has been the slide in their form of late.

But Thierry Henry says in the Sun that United are a great side and will be back.

Not so, says former Old Trafford stopper Jaap Stam in the Mail.

“Arsenal and Chelsea have moved forward quickly, while United have stood still,“ says the Dutchman who formed part of United’s historic treble.

He has a point, but United have not been helped in their efforts to rebuild a winning side by the departure of Rio Ferdinand, their best defender.

However, things may soon change when, as the Mail reports, the player gets his appeal heard.

Tomorrow, Ferdinand will stand before the FA and explain why he missed a routine drugs test. And, so the story goes, he will offer up a hair from his head for testing in a bid to prove that he is clean.

But the follicle test is not one recognised by the authorities, and he might antagonise things further, resulting in an extension to his eight-month ban.

He has, as the paper points out, not been banned for failing a drugs test but for not taking one in the first place.

What he does now comes too little and too late to save his season – or that of his team…’

Posted: 17th, March 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

Horses For Courses

‘THE Sun marks the arrival of the annual Cheltenham racing festival with a special insert.

Thaksin Shinawatra adopts Liverpool’s familiar prayer position

All the riders and racing personalities are profiled. There’s Paddy ‘The Fixer’ O’Hallohan, Jimmy ‘Dead Cert’ Jameson and Paul ‘Can’t Fail’ Sorene.

It’s an indispensable guide, although it can be thrown away with some disgust when the jockey riding the horse you’ve just backed stops off for a graze and to remove something from his shoe halfway round the course.

The only thing missing from the welter of information and betting advice is a large pin and Mystic Meg’s predictions as to what will happen.

If you do win big, however, you can always gazump Thailand’s billionaire Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra and buy a large stake in Liverpool FC.

The Express leads with news that a consortium led by the man has agreed to buy 25 per cent of the club’s shares for £50m.

This is seen as being good news by the paper, which says how the Reds have “landed a whopper” in a deal that was done and dusted in a Bangkok fish restaurant.

It’s hard to see what the new money will do to Liverpool, although selling shirts in Asia appears to be one of the more achievable goals.

Meanwhile the Sun hears that Manchester United’s plan to dress the world in their colours is coming apart at the seams.

The paper says that Old Trafford insiders fear Roy Keane is ready to quit the club and Ruud van Nistelrooy is packing his bags for life in Real Madrid.

The Mirror adds to the list and says that Ryan Giggs, Diego Forlan and Nicky Butt are all to be offloaded at the season’s end.

So long as the deportees are replaced by top players of rare talent the United fans will not be too downhearted. And buoyed by the news that Phil Neville will be staying.


Posted: 16th, March 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

Barmy Harmy

‘ONE hopes that the person who described the England bowling attack as “the worst in living memory” is sitting down this morning to breakfast on his words.

Don’t worry, Brian, England know how it feels

Steve Harmison and the rest of the England attack certainly did a pretty good job yesterday of throwing the insults back at their critics as they bowled West Indies out for 47.

Not only was that West Indies’ lowest ever total in a Test innings, Harmison (who finished with figures of 7-12) returned the best ever figures at Sabina Park.

And before we cast too many aspersions on the quality of the West Indies’ batting, let’s remember that Brian Lara is officially the best batsman in the world, while the likes of Shivnarine Chanderpaul and Ramnaresh Sarwan boast healthy Test records.

The Times prefers to praise England’s attack than castigate the West Indies batting, saying they made “sensational use of the new ball and a pitch that, kept fresh by showers, had retained its pace and bounce”.

“For its consistency and unrelenting menace, Harmison’s spell brought back immediate memories of the match-winning performance by Bob Willis at Headingley in 1981,” it says.

In that instance, England bowled Australia out cheaply in the fourth innings to become the first ever team to win a Test after following on.

Yesterday, England cantered to a 10-wicket win and took a 1-0 lead in the series. West Indies, says the Times, will have to defy longish odds if it is to repeat its 2000 feat and win the series from this position.

Proving that the sports world really has turned upside down, Manchester United – for so long the benchmark of excellence in English football – yesterday slipped to an embarrassing 4-1 defeat.

It was made worse by the fact that their opponents were local rivals Manchester City and the result at Ewood Park the day before where Arsenal had won top open up a 12-point gap over their rivals.

United have a comfortable 15-point cushion over Charlton in fourth place, otherwise one might wonder about their ability even to qualify for next season’s Champions’ League.

The Guardian follows the example of the United manager in blaming his defence in what was the tenth game in a row without a clean sheet.

“Simple defending is the most effective,” the Scot said, “and we’re not defending very realistically at the moment.”

However, Alan Hansen in the Telegraph reckons it is United’s weakness in midfield that is really costing them dear.

With David Beckham, Paul Scholes, Roy Keane and Ryan Giggs in the middle (with Nicky Butt as an alternative, “the opposition often looked beaten before the match had even begun”.

“The lack of strength that United have in that department is killing them at the moment,” he says.

“Teams no longer fear them and City had few problems getting among them yesterday.”

It looks like the end of an era at Old Trafford.’

Posted: 15th, March 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

Beck To His Roots?

‘THE award for the biggest punt in this morning’s papers goes to the Sun, which claims that David Beckham is on his way back to England…and to Stamford Bridge.

England expects

The paper says that Chelsea’s billionaire owner Roman Abramovich has made Beckham his No.1 target and is preparing a huge offer for the star.

That may be true, but why would Beckham – who gives every indication of being happy in Madrid – want to return to England?

The Sun suggests that Victoria’s inability to settle in Spain and her fears for her husband’s safety are the reason why the Beckhams have decided not to renew the lease on their £4.5m Madrid house and axed plans to enrol Brooklyn into Madrid’s top English-speaking school.

And Real, it says, “may be sympathetic to letting the Gallatico move if they felt the strain of missing his family was too much”.

The Mail suggests that Beckham may also be on his way back to England, saying Real officials “are preparing to receive a transfer request from their star midfielder”.

And it says Real would allow him to leave for slightly more than the £17.2m the club paid Manchester United up front.

Homesick or not, why Beckham would want to trade Real Madrid for Chelsea is beyond us, and we fully expect to see him turning out for the Madrilenos next season.

Meanwhile, another Spanish club, Real Mallorca, were on the end of an English drubbing last night, falling 4-1 to Newcastle in the first leg of their Uefa Cup fourth round tie.

“Rampage,” says the Mail of the 17-minute second-half burst in which the Geordies came back from a goal down to take charge of the tie.

The same cannot be said of Liverpool, who were held 1-1 by Marseille.

The French celebrated the result with a singsong in their dressing room after the game, which clearly rankled Liverpool boss Gerard Houllier.

“They have done my team-talk for me,” he said.

There was no doubt that England fast bowler Simon Jones was fired up on his return to the Test side after a 16-month absence through injury.

And he celebrated by taking the wicket of West Indies skipper Brian Lara with his 13th ball as England had a decent first day of the Caribbean series, reducing the hosts to 311-9 by stumps.

The Sun blames a loss of discipline among the England bowlers in the middle of the innings for the West Indies revival from 101-4 to 281-5, courtesy of 108 from Devon Smith and 84 from Ryan Hinds.

“But the pitch is good,” says Jones, “and I still think we bowled well together as a unit.”

Let’s hope they bat as well as a unit later today.’

Posted: 12th, March 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

All Gunners Blazing

‘IT is easy to go overboard when looking at Arsenal’s performances in recent days.

A one-man Spanish lesson

First the demolition of Portsmouth and now the defeat of Celta Vigo – and with that passage into the last eight of the Champions’ League – have marked the Gunners out for special attention.

And where there is hyperbole, there is ever the Sun, which leads with a shot of Arsenal’s Thierry Henry, who scored a brace in his team’s 2-0 victory over the Spaniards, and news that the Gunners can go all the way.

The Sun lets it be known that bookies have installed Arsenal as their favourites to win the Champions’ League, offering them at 5-2.

This is nonsense, given that the Gunners have never progressed past the quarter-finals and are in an octet with such luminaries of the European scene as AC Milan and Real Madrid.

Arsenal might well be, as the Telegraph’s Paul Hayward puts it, “becoming unplayable, unanswerable”, but fortunes in sport can change in an instant.

Just listen to Gary Neville, speaking in the Mirror. “A few weeks ago we were top of the Premiership, four points clear, with the best defensive record,” says he.

“Now, all of a sudden, we’re a shambles everywhere, nine points behind Arsenal and out of the Champions’ League. We’re devastated.”

But what to do? Well, buying back David Beckham is an option, just as getting rid of some of the current Old Trafford crop offers another.

As the Telegraph’s Henry Winter says, “no real glamour pervades Old Trafford now, no box-office darling parades up and down the pitch in the magical manner of an Eric Cantona or David Beckham”.

There is Phil Neville and his even more intelligent brother Gary. And there is Alex Ferguson.

The question is: which one will leave first?’

Posted: 11th, March 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

Any Porto In A Storm

‘MANCHESTER United never lose. They are always victims of the referee, the watch and the speed of the earth’s rotation. Never do Alex Ferguson’s team lose to the better outfit.

Gary Neville wipes away a tear

And today things are just as they always are as the Mail says how United were “ambushed” by Porto and the linesman who incorrectly disallowed a Paul Scholes goal.

But there was nothing wrong with Costinha’s goal – other than that is went against United and nature – which gave the Porto team a 1-1 draw on the night and a 3-2 victory over the two legs.

And while “Fergie counts the Costinha” (Express) and

mulls over United’s departure from the Champions’ League, elsewhere in the paper we learn that Ken Bates is suing Chelsea for £2m.

The bearded one has issued a writ against his former club for breach of contract after he left Stamford Bridge before his contact was up.

The sum is, of course, small change to the new man at the Chelsea helm, one Roman Abramovich, someone who has splashed out millions on such things as a Joe Cole and a Juan Veron.

In light of those purchases, a couple of million quid to keep Bates happy – and away from Stamford Bridge – looks like a bargain.

Abramovich could perhaps dip into the cash pot that Chelsea reaped from progressing to the last eight of the Champions’ League, a route than took them past German side VFB Stuttgart.

“This was success without soul,” says the Telegraph’s man on the spot, “a display of “straight-jacket football.”

In reaching the quarter-finals without scoring a goal (Chelsea’s winning strike was an own goal), the Blues did little to suggest that they will win the most prized pot in European football.

But they are there, United are not, and hoping to join Chelsea in the latter stages are Arsenal, who, as the Star says, are planning to emulate the Ajax side of the 1970s.

“I like my teams to play well and give the same kind of enjoyment, but we are a long way from that Ajax side because we have not won the European Cup once,” says manager Arsene Wenger.

He’s right, but a good performance against Celta Vigo tonight should see the Gunners inch one step closer to their goal.’

Posted: 10th, March 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

This Sporting Life

‘MICKY Adams, the Leicester City manager, says he felt a “moral obligation” to resign his post in the wake of his players’ trip to La Manga.

A man’s game?

The Telegraph hears Adams talk of these being his “darkest days”, as three of his side languish in a Spanish prison amid allegations that they forced themselves on three German women.

He says that he could have done more, chiefly to have put his team on a curfew. “I treated them like adults and I expected them to behave like adults,” he said.

He should have known better. Although the players have been proved guilty of nothing, mud sticks and Adams might have noticed that a couple of years back Leicester City’s adults disgraced themselves in the same resort.

And while Leicester is sullied, the entire sport of racing is in the mire.

The Guardian marks a black day for the sport, when yesterday the Jockey Club charged four people with running a horse they knew to be lame and then backing it to lose.

On the same day, Kieren Fallon was being banned for 21 days for his performance at Lingfield, when his mount, Ballinger Ridge, lost from a winning position.

Such is the damage done to the credibility of the sport of horse racing that the Guardian sees events at Fontwell through suspicious eyes.

In contention with the race leader, Sean Fox and his ride Ice Saint appear to take the ninth fence with ease only for Fox to find that he cannot stay in the saddle. He slips off.

Nothing much in that, until the Guardian shows us how the odds on Ice Saint winning the race drifted from 10-11 overnight to as high as 6-1 on the day.

The results is that Ice Saint lost, and, as the Times says, Fox was found guilty of “stepping off” his horse and banned for 21 days by local stewards.

You can, of course, get much slimmer odds on Manchester United beating Porto tonight in the Champions’ League.

The Sun hears Gary Neville, Rio Ferdinand’s apologist-in-chief, calling Porto a “bunch of girls” in the Sun.

“They were supposed to be men we were playing,” he said, “yet they were rolling round the pitch like they had been shot and that is not good for football.”

Quite so. And how much we were cheered to see football restore its image when Gary pushed his head into Steve McManaman’s face and Roy Keane extend his studs into an opponent’s chest.

More like them, and the game will be back where it belongs…’

Posted: 9th, March 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

Wise After The Event

‘IT’S easy to be wise after the event, especially if your name happens to be Dennis Wise.

No one likes him

But the Millwall player-manager was said to be furious with himself for allowing skipper Kevin Muscat to take a penalty in yesterday’s FA Cup quarter-final against Tranmere.

Needless to say, Muscat missed the spot-kick, the tie ended 0-0 and the Lions face a difficult replay at Prenton Park.

Ray Wilkins, Wise’s assistant, told the Star: “Dennis is disgusted with himself that he did not take the penalty, but Kevin just grabbed it and you cannot fault any player who has the courage to do that.”

To the untrained ear, it might sound as if Wilkins has done just that – but football, as Jimmy Greaves has never tired of reminding us, is a funny old game.

If Millwall do win the replay, they will face either Arsenal, Manchester United or Sunderland in the semis.

If it is Sunderland, who yesterday had Tommy Smith to thank for booking their passage with a 1-0 win over Sheffield United, then we will be guaranteed a non-Premiership club in the final.

However, the Sun says Manchester United are looking to bolster their squad, irrespective of how they fare in the FA Cup.

Alex Ferguson has apparently been sending his brother Martin to watch Porto right-back Paulo Ferreira and is lining up a £6m summer swoop to shore up his dodgy defence.

If that means Gary Neville’s place is under threat, then it is nothing compared with England’s rugby players who must fear a big post-World Cup shake-up after their defeat to Ireland on Saturday.

Scrum-half Matt Dawson tells the Express that “none of the players was particularly proud of the way they played” in the 19-13 home defeat.

But least proud, one imagines, was hooker Steve Thompson who had a nightmare with his line-out throwing.

“The hardest thing to stomach for me is the feeling that I’ve let the nation down as well as myself,” he tells the Mail. “There are worse things in life, of course, but to be one of the major contributors to England’s first defeat as world champions is not easy to live with.

“It had to be one of the worst days of my life in rugby.”

Sunday had to be one of the worst days of Kieren Fallon’s life in horse racing with the News Of The World alleging that he was involved in a race-fixing scam.

But the Mail says the champion jockey is to receive only a two-month ban after failing to win a controversial race at Lingfield last week in spite of being 10 lengths clear and cruising to victory.

The defeat was made worse by the weekend revelations that he tipped Rye, the heavily backed horse that pipped his mount on the line, to win.

But the Mail says Fallon will only be charged with bringing the sport into disrepute – a far less serious charge than selling information for money.’

Posted: 8th, March 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

Fox Hunting

‘IT’S not as if Leicester footballers are any good on the pitch, so you think they would manage to behave off it.

Leicester City sully the name of Fabrizio Ravanelli

But, whatever the outcome of the Spanish police’s inquiries into events at a La Manga hotel, the bad name of the Premiership has once again been dragged through the mire.

“Slip another image into the portfolio of shame,” writes James Lawton in the Independent – and it was already a bulging book before this latest incident.

Where is the sense of responsibility among hugely rewarded footballers, he asks. But where also is the rage – “rage that this most pampered generation of sportsmen should so repeatedly disfigure a national game that has heaped upon them wealth and celebrity to the point of financial collapse”?

“What do they [the fans] think now when they look up from their factory benches or office desks? Do they feel part of a football dream? Or perhaps more likely, the victims of fraud?”

Or are these the same kind of fans whose sense of perspective is so lacking that they send death threats to the manager and star player of their own team?

The Guardian says Liverpool’s Michael Owen has followed Gerard Houllier in admitting that he has received death threats, which he admits are becoming “part and parcel” of the modern game.

“To be honest, although it is unfair and awful, nothing surprises me any more,” the England striker said yesterday. “It shouldn’t happen and it is not acceptable but it is almost part of the game nowadays.”

Owen already knows the more sinister side of “the beautiful game” as his sister was the victim of an attempted kidnapping in January.

And so does Houllier, who turns up to the club’s Melwood training ground to read graffiti which says things like: “Hope you die of Aids, Houllier”.

Even what is supposed to be a celebration of the game on the pitch cannot pass without controversy.

Pele’s choice of the 125 greatest living footballers has, in the words of the Telegraph, opened up to ridicule the man widely regarded as the greatest ever player.

“While any list is bound to attract controversy,” it says, “the inclusion of his namesake Abedi Pele (Ghana), El Hadji Diouf (Senegal) and Hong Myung-Bo (South Korea) smacks of political correctness rather than sound football judgement.”

Certainly, one wonders how they rank ahead of Jairzinho, who in 1970 became the only player to have scored in every round of a World Cup, Gerson and Tostao.

Another list that appears on the back of the Independent is bound to raise a few eyebrows, not least in Manchester.

In a rating of the top 11 European clubs, Premiership champions Manchester United scrape in at the very bottom, while Chelsea lie in ninth position and Arsenal sit pretty in second.

The rankings are, of course, completely meaningless – but if they serve to enrage Sir Alex Ferguson they are not completely in vain.’

Posted: 5th, March 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

Turning Walter Into Whine

‘WITHOUT wishing to cast too may aspersions on the managerial nous of Walter Smith, his promotion to Alex Ferguson’s No. 2 at Old Trafford comes as something of a shock.

Desperate times, desperate measures

The Mirror (“FERGIE’S ROCK”) says that Smith’s arrival at Manchester United is a “desperate last-ditch attempt to salvage Manchester United’s season of turmoil”.

The Mail also uses the world “desperate” in its assessment of events and the man who has not coached at the highest level since he was sacked by Everton two years ago.

Of course things could be worse: Manchester United could have Gerard Houllier in charge.

At this slight, Liverpool fans can colour all they like, but they must know that Houllier’s plans for the future are all still very much in the future.

But taking the adage that a team is only as good as its last result, the Express tells how the “Rampant Reds” did well in seeing off the Uefa Cup challenge of Levski Sofia.

Also in the hunt for the Carling Cup of the pan-European game are Celtic, who beat a Czech outfit called Teplice, and Newcastle, who saw off tiny Norwegian club Valerenga.

But the biggest story – even bigger than British clubs beating a bunch of part-timers – is found in the Sun and the world of horse racing.

The proverbial mug’s game is under the spotlight following what the paper calls “THE £1.5 MILLION STINK”.

Jockey Kieren Fallon was ten lengths clear of the field on his mount Ballinger Ridge at Lingfield Park yesterday when he eased off the reins, was caught napping and finished second.

There is no suggestion that Fallon cheated, but the story is that, in losing from a commanding position, he made two punters (who had bet against him) £1.5m richer.

Such is the weight of the story that it makes it to the paper’s Sun Says column.

“But isn’t racing a sport where the sweetest smells often come from the stables,” it says.

Perhaps. But the reek of money does have a certain charm…’

Posted: 4th, March 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

The Dead Pool

‘GIVEN the condition of Gerard Houllier’s heart, the death threat he received by letter might have its desired effect.

‘I didn’t hear him shout ‘Fore!”

In “HOULL DEATH THREAT”, the Sun says Houllier has been sent a letter in which he is invited to get out of Liverpool or be killed.

The missive claims that the would-be murderer knows the whereabouts and layout of the Frenchman’s home.

British football has learnt a lot from the foreign game in recent years, and now its seems the spirit of the Colombian system has finally reached our shores.

But while Houllier sweats it out and Liverpool fans get behind their manager (so lulling him into a false sense of security), the Mail casts an eye at England’s cricketing preparations in the West Indies.

News is that in a match against Jamaica, England’s Mark Butcher has fallen victim to a “freak” fall, one the paper says “appeared comical”.

The incident occurred when bowler Steve Harmison was returning to his mark. Nasser Hussain tossed the ball to Rikki Clarke at extra cover.

Butcher, who had run round from point, back-pedalled and stretched to catch it. In doing so, he fell over and twisted his ankle.

The thought of taking a catch – any kind of catch – is too tempting for an England’s cricketer.

It is painfully easy to get injured in sport, as Tiger Woods is hoping to prove as the Times watches him smack golf balls from the rooftop helipad of Dubai’s Burg Al Arab, the world’s tallest hotel.

In town for the Dubai Desert Classic, Woods can be seen standing 1,053ft above the ground, slamming golf balls into the distance.

Meanwhile, some thousands of miles away, Michael Vaughan has been knocked unconscious by an unidentified flying missile and Gerard Houllier’s stuck in a bunker…’

Posted: 3rd, March 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

Singing The Blues

‘THERE are two men who have good reason not to roll out a red carpet and welcome young PSV Eindhoven forward Arjen Robben to these shores.

Robben – not a red breast

One is Sir Alex Ferguson, from under whose nose the Sun says Chelsea have signed the £13.5m 20-year-old (despite being given a guided tour of Old Trafford only a couple of months ago).

The other is Joe Cole, whose days at Chelsea now look numbered and who is pleading in the Star to be allowed to leave Stamford Bridge and look for first-team football elsewhere.

The Times reports that Robben will be the 13th player to arrive at Chelsea since Roman Abramovich took over in July with a total outlay of £134m.

But his is the first deal to be conducted by Peter Kenyon, the chief executive who walked out on Manchester United in September and is now involved in gazumping his former club.

Why United need to buy another forward when most of their problems stem from a porous defence is anyone’s guess.

Chelsea, on the other hand, seem to be working on the theory that they are as well served by denying their rivals a player regarded as one of the best youngsters in Europe as they are by strengthening their own team.

At the other end of the age spectrum, the Guardian has news that 35-year-old Jason Leonard has been dropped from England’s rugby union squad to face Ireland at the weekend.

That, one would normally think, would spell the end of the old stalwart’s international career were it not for the fact that 35-year-old Neil Back is recalled, if only to the bench.

The paper says there is no doubting the power and potential of Matt Stevens, the 21-year-old called in to replace the world’s most capped prop, but wonders what Leonard has done to deserve the chop.

“Not since he was dropped to the bench after England’s grand slam defeat in Dublin in October 2001 has Leonard’s form or fitness been remotely questioned,” it says, “and Woodward could not have raised more eyebrows had he chosen a couple of part-timers from Pertemps Bees after their stunning Powergen Cup win over Wasps on Sunday.”

The same could not be said of England’s cricketers, although their West Indies tour got off to a good start owing mainly to an 82-ball century by captain Michael Vaughan.

However, the Mirror has bad news for the England opener – his ton may be written out of the record books because it was scored against 12 fielders.

Vaughan didn’t seem particularly upset, arguing that playing 12 a side allowed his team to get more match practice than they otherwise would.

If only they could be allowed the same leeway in Test matches…’

Posted: 2nd, March 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

A Wait Off Their Mind

‘IT was only the Carling Cup but, after 128 years without a single piece of silverware, Middlesbrough were not going to quibble.

Middlesbrough party likes it 1876

The whistle that brought to an end yesterday’s match also, in the words of the Telegraph, “blew away bitter memories of failed finals, liquidation, relegation and decade after decade of frustration”.

The scoreline was 2-1 after 90 “pulsating” minutes of what the paper says was arguably the best final in this competition since Luton beat Arsenal 16 years ago.

But it was not without controversy, as the Guardian publishes stills to confirm Bolton manager Sam Allardyce’s claim that Middlesbrough’s second goal should not have been allowed.

And not for handball, offside or any of the usual reasons, but because while taking a seventh minute penalty Bolo Zenden actually struck the ball twice.

The Dutchman slipped as he took the kick, “keeling over so that his left foot struck the ball and knocked it against his right”.

Somehow the ball still found the back of the net, but the paper says the double contact should have resulted in an indirect Bolton free-kick rather than Boro’s second goal.

There was something pretty dodgy about Arsenal’s two goals against Charlton on Saturday, the first of which was certainly offside, but there is no escaping the fact that the Gunners are running away with the Premiership title.

Arsene Wenger’s men are now nine points clear of Chelsea and Manchester United and still on course to go through the whole season unbeaten.

We could tell you how Robert Pires and Thierry Henry put their side 2-0 up within five minutes, how Louis Saha scored for United against his old club and how Chelsea’s Eidur Gudjohnsen stole three points against Manchester City.

But, knowing that the average football fan can’t digest acres of verbiage, the Times has helpfully condensed each game into a single sentence.

For Arsenal, this reads: “Memory of lost title fresh enough to keep team focused”; for Manchester United: “Manager made to pay for taking opponents lightly again”; and for Chelsea: “Iceland striker happy to settle for second best”.

For some matches, this brevity is a blessing. Once we learn, for instance, that “relegation nerves lead to ugly encounter” in the goalless draw between Leicester City and Wolves, we are not tempted to read further.

But that would be a mistake because in the account of the match in this morning’s Mail we discover that Leicester’s Paul Dickov has been labelled “football’s most irritating player”.

It is an accolade indeed, especially with such stiff competition.

Indeed, so upset is Robbie Savage to have lost out, rumour has it that he has threatened to sue.’

Posted: 1st, March 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

World Cup Shame

‘SPEAKING to the Sun, Rugby World Cup hero Jonny Wilkinson is in self-effacing mood.

As any Australian will tell you, real men don’t dance

Recalling the last seconds of the World Cup final, England’s fly-half is critical of his reaction to victory.

“It’s pathetic,” says he, ”but I just shouted ‘World Cup, World Cup’, and started running around and jumping on people.”

But you can forgive winners most things, and Wilkinson’s acts of joy might have been forgettable but they were delivered with good grace.

That’s a quality often lacking in Alex Ferguson, the purpled faced Manchester United manager whose good sportsmanship has been questioned by Porto coach Jose Mourinho, in the Sun.

He says that Fergie called one of the Porto players a cheat (well, United did lose) and had simulated a foul. Mourinho told him to look at the TV footage before passing comment.

“But when he sees the replay and finds our player did not cheat, I want him to apologise.”

Chances are the Porto man will have a long wait for that moment of contrition, although if United go on to win the tie over the full two legs, you can imagine a smiling Fergie placing his arm round his opposite number’s shoulders and wishing him all the best in the future.

Ah, the future. What will it bring? What will happen to Alan Sharer who, as the Telegraph reports, was left on the bench for Newcastle’s Uefa Cup match in Norway last night?

The game ended with scores locked at 1-1, but even with the precious away goal in the bag, Shearer is not best pleased.

He says he was “surprised”, “disappointed” and “angry” at being dropped from the starting XI.

But football is full of shocks. And Shearer’s demotion, though newsworthy, will pale into insignificance should Alex Ferguson learn to lose or, indeed, win with anything approaching good grace…’

Posted: 27th, February 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

Not the Devils We Know

‘COULD we be approaching the end of a glorious era at Old Trafford?

Hopping madness

We ask this in light of last night’s Champions League performance by the Red Devils in which they, as the Sun reports, lost 2-1 to Porto and had their captain, Roy Keane, dismissed.

The paper also looked on as Alex Ferguson, rather than congratulating his opposite number on a good result, Porto coach Jose Mourinho, behaved like a bad loser.

He looked at Mourinho’s outstretched hand and gestured angrily in response before flouncing off down the tunnel.

What the Times calls United’s “fading title challenge” and “gaping holes” in the team’s defences will have to be bolstered by more than a fit of pique and a captain who can’t keep his cool if United are to win the tie’s second leg.

But while “disgraced Keane loses plot” (Telegraph), Claudio Ranieri breathes a sigh of relief.

Fortune favours the brave, and last night Chelsea performed with no little courage and conviction to beat Stuttgart courtesy of an own goal from the German side.

When you’re under the cosh, as Ranieri is, you’ll take anything that comes your way. The Express’ headline (“Clouds over Claudio lift”) is well said.

But while the Champions League rightly gets the main headlines, the Times spares a thought for Liverpool FC, a team that many still think of as one of the top dogs in English football.

On the verge of the Reds’ Uefa Cup tie against the less-than-mighty Levski Sofia, the paper catches up with the spiky Anfield boss Gerard Houllier.

“Am I hurt by the criticism,” asks Houllier. “The answer is ‘no’. I can be hurt if someone is dying or a health problem, but criticism comes with the territory.”

But Houllier should be, if not hurt then at least smarting a little. His own health problems have garnered him a good deal of sympathy from the Liverpool fans, but now is surly the time to show that his master plan is working.

Problem is that Liverpool are in Europe’s second-rate contest, out of the FA Cup and nowhere in the Premiership.

Oh, well, there’s always next year…’

Posted: 26th, February 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

Hit And Run

‘FIRST the good news. English football in Europe is more than just Manchester United after Arsenal made a stride towards the Champions League’s last eight with a 3-2 win over Spain’s Celta Vigo.

Chambers reaches the finishing line

The Independent leads with that and shows a picture of the Gunners’ Brazilian midfielder Edu, scorer of a brace, being patted and mauled by his appreciative team-mates.

And now the bad news. Contrary to what some sections of the popular press have been claiming for many years, not all cheats are foreigners.

We have some of our own. And today his name is Dwain Chambers. The Telegraph leads with the rather depressing news that the European 100m champion has been banned form athletics for two years and from the Olympics for life after testing positive for a banned substance.

The story, by now old news, is that Chambers tested positive for tetrahydrogestrinone (THG) at a pre-World Championship training camp back in August last year.

And now the slow turning wheels that stand for justice in sport have reached their decision.

And it’s one supported by such leading lights in the sport as David Moorcroft, the chief executive of UK Athletics.

“I believe it was the right verdict,” says he. “I’m deeply disappointed for Dwain but we all have to move on.”

And with a decent shot of THG we can move on at double-quick pace and talk about something more upbeat than an unmasked cheat.

And it is that Manchester United’s boss, Sir Alex Ferguson, is to receive a special Uefa award for becoming the first coach to take charge of 100 Champions League ties.

His side’s game in Porto tonight will mark a century of his involvement in the continent’s premier competition, writes the Telegraph.

So, well done, Sir Alex. Now let’s see if you can make it to 102…’

Posted: 25th, February 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

Gooners On Manoeuvres

‘ARSENAL fans must be pinching themselves this morning, before lighting a long panatela cigarette and giving a little skip of joy.

Gordon’s eyes have seen the glory

Last year’s claim that the balance of power had shifted from Old Trafford to Highbury now looks less like wishful thinking than ever as the Express reveals the new approved Arsenal stadium.

After four years of wrangling over the move from Highbury to Ashburton Grove, the paper says that the go ahead has finally been given.

At the start of season 2006-2007, the Gunners will up sticks and decamp to their 60,000 state-of-the-art stadium.

The even better news is that Arsene Wenger, who, speaking in the Independent, claims to have enabled Arsenal to punch above their through “lucky findings, lucky buys”, is going to stay on until at least 2007.

But the Gunners are not the only ones thinking bigger, as the Mail leads with news of Chelsea. “Anything you can do,” says the headline.

The story is that while Arsenal look to 60,000, Chelsea are ready to expand their stadium to 55,000, thus providing a further 13,000 seats for all their new players and their wives.

As such, the Mail’s headline that solicits the response “…we can do better”, when seen in light of the story, invites the less usual, “…we can throw money at but not do as well”.

But while two parts of London attempt to catch up with one part of Manchester, not all is well with the Old Trafford club.

Ruud Van Nistelrooy breaks the silence in the Express, and admits that the club are missing the services of David Beckham.

“Becks is missed here as a player and a person,” says the Bafta-nominated footballer.

He goes onto praise the England captain, complimenting him on his successful move to Spain, something the Dutchman says “isn’t easy”.

Beckham has indeed made his transfer a success, and it’s hard to contend with the notion that United are the poorer without him.

As are Spurs without Bill Nicholson. But, then, this is Tottenham, and, as such, they are always on the verge of greatness.

And the new man in the frame to lead them back on the glory, glory trail is…Gordon Strachan.

The Sun says that the Scot is the “shock new contender” to take over at Spurs. The 47-year-old coach has, apparently, told friends that he has been offered the post at Spurs.

And if he takes the job, we wish him the best of luck. It won’t be easy working alongside Giovanni Trappatoni, Raddy Antic and Roberto Mancini, but if one man can make it work, it’s Strachan…’

Posted: 24th, February 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

For Whom The Bell Chimes

‘“I KNOW I’m going to get slaughtered,” said Gerard Houllier, the Liverpool manager, after his side’s defeat to Portsmouth in the FA Cup, “but I don’t feel under any more pressure than before.”

As they say in Liverpool, ‘Au revoir, our kid’

“I think it is unfair to slaughter us, as looking at the performance we had the chances. I can’t blame my players.”

Anyone who reads that, as reported in the Independent, would be excused for asking who then should be blamed in instances of defeat. If it’s not the players and the manager, with whom does the fault lie?

It could be the referee in yesterday’s 1-0 defeat of the Reds. But, then, he did wrongly give Liverpool two penalties, although only one was taken.

Perhaps it was the weather? Or the grass? Or the wind? Or the fact that Liverpool play a brand of football that were it not for their famous kit and name would make them indistinguishable from just about any other mid-table Premiership team?

And while “clouds gather over Houllier“ (Telegraph) and the Liverpool fans bay for a regime change at Anfield, another manager makes ready his bags for departure.

The rumour that Sven Goran Eriksson is to replace Claudio Ranieri at Chelsea is now altered in the Mirror.

The new man in charge at Stamford Bridge will be the legendary Fabio Capello. The paper is of the opinion that Ranieri and Capello (now at Roma) will trade posts for next season.

Also on their way out of the Bridge will be a host of players, including Emanuel Petit, Mario Melchiot, Jesper Gronkjaer and Mario Stanic.

You’d be forgiven for forgetting any of that lot actually plays for the Blues, what with the size of the squad at Chelsea. But even the more visible Claude Makelele and Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink are also said by the Mirror to be on the verge of being shown the door.

But we cannot help thinking it’s all a bit early to say who is going where and when. The season has a long way to run and it is the proverbial marathon.

Houllier and Ranieri might yet have the last laugh. Although it could just be gallows humour…’

Posted: 23rd, February 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

Exchange And Mart

‘THE Sun is of the mind that Chelsea’s ambulatory wallet, Roman Abramovich, is spitting roubles that he missed the boat to buy Arsenal’s Spanish wonder Jose Antonio Reyes.

Will Keown make monkey out of Chelsea?

The story goes that the Russian’s people had seen Reyes play in Spain and were ready to table a £20million bid for him. But then Arsenal bought him.

This story is given some degree of poignancy when we note that it was Reyes’ brace that knocked Chelsea from the FA Cup.

But we can’t help thinking that anyone who plays well against the Blues will then be wanted by them.

What price a good performance by Arsenal’s Martin Keown when the Gunners meet Chelsea in the match of this weekend earning him a big money transfer across London?

Of course, the one thing the Blues really want is to win something. You can throw around money and gold but it’s proving pretty hard to buy silver.

In any case, according to Roy Keane, the Manchester United skipper, the title race is already over. Speaking in the Mirror, the Irishman says he cannot see the Gunners slipping up as they did last year.

To any casual observe this sounds like Keane throwing in the towel, but we know better, and this is surely, as the Mirror says, just the start of the mind games that pepper the Premiership run in.

Things in football never stand still, and Arsenal know that today’s glory hunters are tomorrow’s yesterday man. Just look at Spurs.

But changes at the heart of the game could soon be on upon us if Lars-Christer Olsson, Uefa’s new chief executive, has his way.

The Independent says that the Swede, who took over from Gerhard Aigner two months ago, is looking at a few ways to improve the European game.

Among his thoughts for the days ahead are for every third World Cup to be staged in Europe; clubs to have 50% homegrown players; and for clubs with massive debts to be thrown out of pan-European competitions.

He also thinks that England should be expelled from Euro 2004 if her hooligans run wild.

On the face of it, these all seem like sensible moves, although we would go further: if England’s fans riot, kick the team out of all competitions for a hundred years.

Our friends on the continent will not miss them…’

Posted: 20th, February 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

Record Breakers

‘IF any doubts lingered over the re-emergence of Wales as a footballing force they were surely put to bed last night when Mark Hughes’ team thrashed Scotland in Cardiff 4-0.

David Healey – the man who could

The Scots are no great shakes, but being so outclassed and outfought will do little to undo Scotland coach Berti Voght’s plan to introduce “foreign” players to his squad.

But while the Times picks over the bones of Scotland’s footballing ambitions, the Telegraph notes Northern Ireland’s record-breaking performance.

When David Healey, the Preston striker, scored for Northern Ireland in the 56th minute of his side’s 4-1 home defeat to Norway, he became the first Northern Irish player to score for the nation in 1,298 minutes of play.

And the crowd went wild. Healey’s team-mates swamped him in a show of love and affection and there was much joy to be seen.

That goal did not stop the North Irish from becoming the team to have gone the longest without scoring a goal in international football.

And neither did it prevent them from reaching a milestone of 15 games without a win.

“There’s one monkey off our back, now we’ve got to get a victory under our belt,” says Lawrie Sanchez the team’s coach, deftly employing two clichés in one line.

Another often heard turn of phrase links the word “cheat” with the Dutchman Ruud van Nistelrooy.

To add to his already burgeoning theatrical CV, the Dutchman was last night booked for scoring a goal for Holland – with his hand.

The Sun looked on as the Manchester United striker wheeled away in celebration at his refulgent strike against team USA, only to have it ruled and be given a yellow card for his trouble.

And, who knows, perhaps one day a Bafta…’

Posted: 19th, February 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

The History Men

‘TONIGHT Northern Ireland attempt to make history by becoming the most goal-shy team in decades of competitive international football.

Er, Lawrie, the goal’s the other way, mate

The Times notes that if the greens, playing under new manager Lawrie Sanchez, fail to score in the opening 30 minutes of their home match against Norway, they will be world champions at not scoring.

At that moment, they will not have found the back of the opponent’s net for a majestic 1,272 minutes.

While the watching world will surely be hoping that the Northern Irish can reach their glorious milestone, few people outside England will be looking forward to the arrival of they who follow Sven’s men to Portugal this summer.

By way of livener for that busman’s holiday for the dregs of our society, England, in conjunction with the Portuguese police and the makers of pepper spray, are staging a prelude to the big fight.

Secrecy prevents us from saying how the local authorities will deal with any trouble making, but the Mirror does note that Sven Goran Eriksson will play Michael Owen and David Beckham even if they are at death’s door.

Well, he actually said he’d play them if they were not fully fit, but given the paucity of Sven’s options, it’s not hard to imagine the Liverpool striker and the England captain being wheeled onto the pitch should the job demand it.

It’s also not too hard to imagine, as the Mail does, a Scotland team made up of native Germans, Frenchmen and Italians.

The paper says that Fifa has ruled that a player who has represented his country at Under 21 level and below can switch nation at full international level if he fulfils residency criteria.

And the news is that since players can apply for a British passport after passing five years in the UK, the likes of Celtic’s Frenchman Didier Agathe and Blackburn’s Italian-born Lorenzo Amoruso might be capped by Scotland.

Or Kimi Ali Silva, our Peruvian cleaning operative here at Anorak Towers, being picked by Northern Ireland. She’s got all the right credentials, and swears she has never scored a goal in her life…’

Posted: 18th, February 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

When the Going Gets Tough

‘IF you’ve heard Sven Goran Eriksson say he has no plans to vacate his post as England’s manager before his contract expires in 2006 once you’ve heard him say it a million times.

‘Could you repeat the question?’

But still the rumours of his premature departure will not abate and today the Mirror hears David Beckham say how the England squad would be “devastated” if the Swede quit.

“He keeps coming out and saying he wants to stay but it will keep coming until he has signed a 10-year contract,” says the England skipper of this Viking saga.

Truth is that non-one might want the affable Swede to stay on if his England team perform badly at this summer’s Euro 2004 tournament.

Sport moves quickly and today’s hero is tomorrow’s failure.

Take the Mail’s story on Marion Jones, the Olympic sprinter who was once the toast of the athletics track.

Though still a star, Jones has been forced to deny that she has ever taken banned performance–enhancing substances and explain why she was once involved with Charlie Francis, who coached the disgraced Ben Johnson.

“When we were with Mr Francis,” says Jones, “there were athletes whose names you would know who were consulting him. So if our rivals were doing it, if not openly, I always thought: ‘Why shouldn’t we?’”

The answer to Jones’ question is that if the sport of athletics is to retain even a shred of credibility it should shun they who cheat. This is big business and with the allure of riches and fame comes the temptation to cheat.

Associating your good name with a man who has been banned for life from Canadian athletics sullies a once noble sport.

But sport still possesses the ability to inspire, and we read with interest the Independent’s report on John Daly, whose “Grip it and rip it” philosophy to golf typifies his approach to life.

News is that after nine years of trying, the bulky American won the Buick Invitational, his first victory on the USPGA Tour since winning the Open at St Andrews in 1995.

The four-times married star called his win “the greatest” and attributes his success to self-belief and hard work – and the pack of cigarettes he smoked on the back nine on Saturday.’

Posted: 17th, February 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment

All The Way, Jose

‘SUB-EDITORS must love Arsenal’s new boy Jose Antonio Reyes nearly as much as fans of the north London team adore their new hero.

Catch me if you can

Sadly, the headline writers overlook the delicious “Reyes of light shines out of Wenger’s Arsenal” (as heard on BBC Radio FIVE LIVE last night) in favour of more prosaic legends.

The Sun (“Reyes The Eraser”) was on hand to watch the Spaniard score twice in his side’s 2-1 FA Cup victory over Chelsea.

As too was the Guardian (“Amazing Reyes”), the Mirror (“Sting Reyes”), the Express (“Reyes The Roof”) and the Star (“Reyes The Lord”).

But the story of how Arsenal came from behind to end Chelsea’s involvement in the FA Cup for the fourth consecutive season is best told by the Telegraph’s Paul Hayward.

He is not wrong to say that when the man who promises to be Arsenal’s most expensive recruit struck the ball in the 56th minute of a combative cup tie, fans in Highbury’s North Bank must have “cringed in fear of their lives”.

Blessedly for them, and for Arsenal, the ball was stopped from slamming into the open-mouth of some petrified Gooner by Carlo Cudicini’s net.

Elsewhere the Cup once more exposed Liverpool’s weaknesses, as they drew 1-1 at home to Portsmouth, and allowed Manchester United to see off local rivals Manchester City.

But whatever the glamour of the Cup, the Times keeps its eyes fixed on England’s opening tie in the Six Nations.

The result of the match was never truly in doubt, and England’s 50-9 victory over Italy will raise no eyebrows.

Not least from John Kirwin, the Italy coach, who, when questioned as to the best way to stop the world champions, replied: “With a bazooka.”

He might need more than that if he wants to stop Jason Robinson, who scored three of England’s seven tries.

“Is there anything Jason Robinson can’t do,” asked the Times’ reporter of Clive Woodward, the England coach. “Kick goals,” came his answer.

Not that England rely on those any more…’

Posted: 16th, February 2004 | In: Back pages | Comment