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Posts Tagged ‘england’

Malta equal Spurs striker Harry Kane’s haul of Cup Finals

“Any time we play a team like Malta,” says Spurs and England striker Harry Kane, “it’s their Cup Final. They’re going to want to win, going to want to surprise the world.”

Number of Cup Finals Kane has been in: one – the League Cup final. And in that his Tottenham Hotspur side lost to Chelsea.

And this is the same Harry Kane who played the full 90 minutes when plucky England lost 2-1 to mighty Iceland at the European Championships in June 2016.

England losing to Malta would not surprise the world. It would surprise only Harry Kane – who given his record in Cup Finals, suggests that the Spurs star is a man as lacking in humility as he is in winner’s medals.


england iceland harry kane


In case Harry Kane is still grandstanding, these are highlights from the Guardian’s live blog from when England treated Iceland – the smallest nation ever to grace a major tournament – to a Cup Final:

66 mins: “England win a free-kick from about 30 yards and Harry Kane’s effort is appalling.”

83 mins: “Now it’s Harry Kane’s turn to miscontrol a simple pass and gift possession to Iceland.”

87 mins: “Harry Kane takes it and sends the ball soaring over the penalty area and straight out of play. That is absolutely pathetic.”


england iceland malta


Good luck in all those Cup Finals, Harry!

Posted: 3rd, September 2017 | In: News, Sports, Spurs | Comments (3) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

England, Millwall and Spurs fans sing what they want to

Still no news on what the police and FA are going to do about Millwall fans shouting “DVD” at Spurs’ South Korean “labrador muncher” * Son Heung-Min. No news either on those Spurs fans who called Millwall supporters “pikies”.

You’d think that with Spurs and Millwall “in the dock” over such terrible racism, England’s other football fans would button their collective lip. But no. They only went and sung songs when England played Germany in the Fatherland. The Independent was horrified. “English football dragged through the mud once again by braying beer-fuelled scum who sing anti-German war songs,” the paper chimed.


achtung germany england


One writer on the Sun, the paper which this week beamed its logo onto the White Cliffs of Dover to mark Brexitnoted: “There, hundreds of boorish, inebriated men continued to glory in a world war which ended 70 years ago, bellowing out tedious chants about German bombers and swaying around, mimicking aircraft.”

Right now the Football Association is studying police videos for signs of a member of The England Supporters Travel Club making offensive chants and not simply joining those righteous minds in “,da,do-doing” along to the god-awful supporters’ bands’ rendition of the theme to Escape to Victory.

“Unfortunately, little of the wit and imagination that goes into our club football songs is reflected at England games,” stated the Football Supporters’ Federation (FSF). Crap songs, yes. But crap fans?

Surely the point is to goad the opposition. Spreading your arms like one of those “Ten German Bombers” or hymning the historical fact of “Two World War One World Cup” could do with an update. But until some bright spark creates songs mocking the Germans’ EU-backed battering of Greece or Boris Becker’s latest jacket, we might have to make do with the jingoism.

It’s not easy coming up with insults that are catchy and popular but not insulting enough to be offensive. Maybe the Germans can help? After all, their English is often better than ours. As an Arsenal fan it’s often been my lot to be serenaded by Bayern Munich fans’ chants of “You’re not very good”, “We can see you sneaking out” and “Can we play you every week?”.

Of course, what this is is the latest episode in the State’s purge on people like ‘them’ at football grounds.  Those “scum” who use vulgar words and say nasty things, who emply mockery and insults to taunt other fans in the pantomime of football need hosing down.

But the people who dish it at the match can also take it. “The Germans I spoke to were not offended by the puerile chanting, they were just embarrassed for us,” said one Daily Mirror writer. If grown men and women want to behave sadly, let them. It’s their right to sing what they want to, however stupid, witless and arcane.

* That’s how some Tottenham fans refer to Son in the chant: “He’ll shoot / He’ll score / He’ll eat your Labrador / Son Heung-Min.”

Posted: 31st, March 2017 | In: Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Dead Lions: Vardy gives the Press a dummy

The Press should write a not of thanks to Jamie Vardy, who followed his England goal by doing the Mannequin Challenge. For those of you not suffering from rigamortis, the Mannequin Challenge is a millennial version of dead lions, a parlour game which, in these offence-seeking times, even ISIS and conservationists can find no fault. No music. No hunting. You just stop.

You see how useful it was for headline writers and reporters for England to freeze at Wembley in a friendly against a Spanish side.

Henry Winter writes in the Times:

Vardy had done the Mannequin Challenge after scoring but unfortunately England’s defence then followed suit, freezing late on.

The Mirror, Sun and Mail go for the obvious. England, who tossed way a two-goal leads, are “DUMMIES”.


Mannequin challenge england vardy spain


Mannequin challenge england vardy spain Mannequin challenge england vardy spain


In case you missed it:



Not that there’s much wrong with freezing on the pitch. After all, English football has been on freeze-frame since 1966.

Posted: 16th, November 2016 | In: Back pages, Sports | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Arsenal Wenger ‘sets the date’ for Arsenal departure but keeps everyone guessing

How do you follow Sam Allardyce? With a broom, perhaps. The Football Association has a better idea: wait for caretaker boss Gareth Southgate to fail and then appoint Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger. The BBC says that’s the plan. The London Evening Standard agrees. It’s Wenger for England.

Wenger’s current Arsenal contract expires at the end of this season. Arsenal owner Stan Kroenke and the club’s chief executive Ivan Gazidis want him to sign a new deal.

The FA has chased Wenger for some time. The Telegraph says Wenger was the FA’s first choice to  succeed Roy Hodgson after the European Championship. But they failed to get him.

The Daily Star says Wenger will say ‘yes’ if the FA ask him again: “EXCLUSIVE: Arsene Wenger open to becoming England boss.” The exclusive is anything but.  While “Starsport understands the Arsenal boss is interested in taking charge in the build-up to the 2018 World Cup in Russia”, Wenger tells Sky Sports:  “My priority is always Arsenal and I have to assess how well I do until the end of the season.”

Mentions of England by Wenger: nil.

Put that through the headline generator and the Mail delivers: “Arsene Wenger keeps door open for England job.”

The apogee of no-news is in the Independent, which declares, “Arsenal could be poised to extend Arsene Wenger’s contract with the club after the Frenchman was linked to the new England job.”

The media has no idea what Wenger will do next. Well, all apart from the Mirror:


wenger quits sack resigns arsenal


Such are the facts.

Posted: 29th, September 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Football Association chairman Greg Clarke rejects Greg Dyke’s plan to win the 2022 World Cup

Compare and contrast:

Football Association chairman Greg Clarke, September 2016:

“I’m not going to put pressure on and say we are going to win this tournament or that tournament.”

Football Association chairman Greg Dyke, September 2013:

“The two targets I have for the England team are – one, to at least reach the semi-finals of Euro 2020 and two, win the World Cup in 2022.”

As you were, England fans.

Posted: 8th, September 2016 | In: Back pages, Sports | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Allardyce copies Manchester United and lets Wayne Rooney play wherever he wants

The England football team laboured to a 0-1 win over the mighty Slovakia, who made the challenge simpler by reducing to ten numbers after their thuggish captain was red carded. England’s new broom, Sam Allardyce, had a few words to say about match and his own side’s captain, the tiring Wayne Rooney, nominally a striker but now playing so far back he could well challenge panicky Joe Hart for the goalkeeping slot.

Said Allardyce:

“It’s not for me to me to say where he’s going to play. He can play wherever he wants to be, because he was brilliant. I can’t stop Wayne if he thinks that’s the right place to be. We aren’t going to make a big deal about it are we?”

How’s that for management, eh?

Of course, before brilliant Wayne picked his own slot between the centre backs, Sam Allardyce said on August 30:

“Should we say attacking midfield player or should we say striker? Wayne’s position’s changed at Manchester United and that’s the sort of position I’d be looking to play him.”

The rest of world football is quacking in its boots.


Posted: 5th, September 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

England fans in Ibiza shorts-haul holiday hell

Deli Alli bikini


Outrage in the Daily Star over the England players on holiday in Ibiza. Wayne Rooney and Deli Ali are holidaying on the Spanish island. The Star has a thing about Ibiza. It was upset last week when England player Kyle Walker told glamour mo-del and habitual tabloid tittle-tattler Carla Howe, via a tweet from the England camp, that he wished he was in Ibiza.

As the Star pitches for the Ibiza tourist board schilling, we read that “holidaymaker Emma Hussein of Bognor Regis “couldn’t believe it when Wayne and Colleen strolled in “to the Blue Marlin Beach Club.”

But the best line is with the Star’s reporter who tells readers: “Three-Lions teammate Alli was close by, frolicking in the water in knee-length trunks with bikini clad beauties who were drinking champaign.”

Knee-Length shorts! The dirty, bastar… “He relaxed and joked with pals before going for a dip in the sea – despite still wearing his sunglasses.”

As one voice states: “It sums of everything that’s wrong with English footballers these days.”

Back in the good olds days, English footballer  worse proper over-the-knee shorts.


England footbalelrs

England Kevin Keegan in trusty British over-the-knee shorts


Posted: 4th, July 2016 | In: Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

England want Arsenal’s Wenger as Hoddle and Steve McClaren wait

Who will replace Roy Hodgson as the next manager of England and with it the right to hand a top athlete a stuffed lion mascot and order him to take good care of it? Will England take a risk? Will England finally get a real lion, or three of them, as the job surely demands?

The Daily Star says the FA want Arsenal manger Arsene Wenger to lead them forward. Wenger has all the right attributes: he’s foreign, old, grey and from an era more au fait with buttons than trendy zips. The man who turned Arsenal into an attractive force in European football will surely jump at the chance to earn half the money and have his work picked apart by three ex-payers sat around a televised novelty table.

The Mirror says the man for the job is Gareth Southgate. As coach of the England Under 21s, Southgate could slip into the role virtually unnoticed. Southgate is the man who determined the FA’s “England DNA” philosophy. For you non-scientists, DNA stands for Do Not Attack.

Jamie Carragher says the right man is US coach Jurgen Klinsmann. He tells Daily Mail readers Klinsmann “has been to a World Cup semi-final with Germany, a Copa America semi-final with the United States and knows our game.” Although what England’s game is should not take long to explain to anyone.

The Standards helpfully reduces the FA list by claiming England players “fear” Roberto Martinez will be offered the job. Why they fear the former Everton manger, we’re not told. They just do.

The smart move would be to go back to the future and hire the Glenn Hoddle / Steve McClaren dream team. Hoddle used his nous to point out that Slovakia’s Marek Hamsik is “two-footed — left and right”. With his insight and McLaren’s passion, England cannot fail. Looks like we’ve found those other two lions.

Posted: 29th, June 2016 | In: Arsenal, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Euro 2016: England are well located for trips to dogging site

It’s Euro 2016 and the newspapers are full of fear. Today’s Fear Story is in the Sun, where we learn that the England’s team hotel is next to a dogging site. The Sun says people have had sex in the grounds near the five-star Auberge du Jeu de Paume in Chantilly.

The Sun has seen racy photos posted on a French dogging site. One shows a woman sat by a wall at the  Chateau de Chantilly. She is topless. “Art-loving England manager Roy Hodgson is expected to encourage his squad to visit the chateau which houses masterpieces by Raphael, Delacroix and Poussin.” Some are nudes, maybe.

Roy might care to rouse the troops on Wednesday and Fridays, when, as the Sun says, the doggers convene. The paper even produces a map of the area and adds a picture of former England player and now TalkSport commentator Stan Collymore asking, “What time is kick off?” In 2004, Collymore, reportedly, “confessed to having sex with strangers in car parks – an underground practice known as dogging.”

But dogging can occur in both underground and overground car parks. Dogs go free.



Posted: 6th, June 2016 | In: Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Spurs balls: Harry Kane takes corners because he’s England’s best finisher

Why does Tottenham’s Harry Kane, the Premier League’s top goalscorer, take corners for England? Is the plan to have him bend one into the far corner? It seems utterly bizarre to have the side’s best finisher at the start of the move, marooned near the corner flag as the balls sails into the danger area.

Barney Ronay tells Guardian readers Kane taking corners makes “no sense”. Which of England’s opponents won’t be delighted to see Kane stuck out wide, preferring, surely, to battle in the box Wayne Rooney’s waning talents.

Kane has yet to score direct from a corner. Moreover, against Portugal this week he managed to pass directly to an opposition player. David Beckham he ain’t. Yet England manager Roy Hodgson says Kane is the “best man for delivery”. What does that say about the rest of the team’s aptitude with the dead ball? Says Roy: “I don’t need to apologise for Kane taking a corner, especially if you’ve got a player with his quality striking a ball and no one else in the team who comes up to that level of striking a ball.” It’s the same skill that makes Kane’s England’s best finisher.

What of the alternatives? James Milner took 116 corners for Liverpool last season. A big number. Most of them were functional or, as against Borussia Dortmund, weak. Everton’s Ross Barkley took 70 corners. Southampton’s Ryan Bertrand took 52. Kane took 7 for Spurs – and you can only envy Spurs for having Christian Eriksen, who hits the ball so sweetly. Rooney took five for Man United, the same number Raheem Sterling took for Man City.

Surely dropping Rooney for Sterling and honing the winger’s deadball abilities is one sensible move? But Hodgson sticks with his captain, which means Kane really is the best England man for the job – more’s the pity. 


Posted: 4th, June 2016 | In: Sports, Spurs | Comments (2) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Liverpool balls: Nathaniel Clyne didn’t say England’s defence is a ‘major weakness’

Clyne liverpool


DID Liverpool’s Nathaniel Clyne “admit” that England’s defence, in which he plays, is a “weakness”? The Mirror says he did, thundering: “Clyne admits ‘defence is a weakness”.

John Cross begins his story by telling readers more about the Liverpool player: “Clyne has admitted England’s defence is a major ‘weakness’.”

This is what Clyne actually said: “We analyse the  games and we see where we can do better. We can definitely do better defensively . It shows us our weaknesses.”

He didn’t say the England defence “is a weakness”. He said the players can be better and are working hard to reduce errors.

More of what Clyne said appears on Sky Sports:

“There are players fighting for positions all over the pitch when they get an opportunity to show what they can do and that is healthy. I think it is good as it keeps everyone on their toes and keeps everyone fighting for positions – everyone wants to be hungry and has a determination to get themselves into the squad… England have a strong team and hopefully they can do well at the tournament.”

Clyne and Spurs’  Kyle Walker are battling to be England’s first-choice right-back.

Posted: 30th, May 2016 | In: Back pages, Liverpool, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

No, Manchester United’s David Beckham is not like Arsenal’s Jack Wilshere

What need of facts, Alan Shearer? No much. Alan writes of Arsenal’s Jack Wilshere in the Sun:

“The debate might well be whether Marcus Rashford can force his way into the final 23 and go with England to Euro 2016. For me, the bigger argument is what Jack Wilshere is doing in the squad in the first place. Nobody seems to be questioning whether he will now go if he remains fit through these last three friendlies ahead of the finals.

“Have we not learnt any lessons from the past when it comes to the issue of racing players back? It was David Beckham back in 2002 when he suffered a metatarsal injury towards the end of the season and still went to the World Cup.”

What we learn, Alan, is that Wilshere is fit. He’s not been rushed back to the Arsenal side. He’s fully fit and playing in the first XI. We also learn that Beckham’s injury went like this:

20 April 2002: 51 days before the World Cup, Beckham is injured by Pedro Duscher in Manchester United’s Champions League quarter final clash with Deportivo La Coruna. His second metatarsal bone is broken. Beckham makes a hard bid to get fit.

9 May 2002: two days before the World Cup, Beckham declares himself fit for the Sweden game. He says: “I’ve had a lot of treatment over the past two months and a lot of people from Sven-Goran Eriksson to the Queen have wished me good luck. The way I felt when I led training is the highest I have felt in weeks.”

2 June 2002: England v Sweden. Beckham plays 63 minutes of the game before being substituted. It is his first competitive action since the injury.

7 June 2002: England v Argentina. Beckham’s 45th minute penalty gives England victory. He lasts the full 90 minutes.  In the quarter-finals, Beckham plays as England lose to Brazil.

And how did the Sun talk of Beckham’s injury way back then? Were they circumspect?

A HUGE team of Sun readers today prayed for the hand of God to revive England’s World Cup hopes by mending David Beckham’s broken foot.

We urged our army of 10 million readers to boost David’s fitness fight at the stroke of midday by placing their hands on our picture of David’s left peg and praying for a speedy recovery.

And so many of you did.

Even bishops joined in. One said: “We’re rooting for him.”

And Canon David Meara, the vicar of St Bride’s in London’s Fleet Street, even came into the Sun’s Wapping HQ to say a special “get well” prayer as the entire office touched David’s foot on the dot of noon.

The 54-year-old Spurs fan said: “There is no doubt that prayer can assist in the healing process.”

Wilshere is no Beckham – he’s fitter.

Posted: 17th, May 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Football balls: former Chelsea manager Mourinho wants to manage England

Jose Mourinho EnglandThe Sunday People says Jose Moutinho – twice sacked by Chelsea and now between jobs – wants to be the next England manager. The paper says: “Mourinho told close confidant and agent Jorge Mendes he would manage England if the opportunity arises next summer.”

Poor Jose. If he can’t trust a confidant to keep his thoughts and dreams of glory private who can he trust not to blab to the media – his agent? This PR-briefing gets fuller when we read that “Mourinho has been linked with taking over at Manchester United and returning to Real Madrid” since being sacked by Chelsea.

Steve Bates continues to advertise Jose for Hire: “Ideally the 52-year-old Portuguese coach would like to stay in club management and with Louis van Gaal under pressure at Old Trafford that would be his preferred destination if United ditch the Duthcman [sic]. But Mourinho has already declared he intends to stay living in England with wife Matilde and two children at their London home. And as recently as September he claimed that when he left Chelsea managing England would be high on his wish list of dream managerial jobs.”

It’s all more than a tad unedifying, no, this Jose Mourinho for [enter top job here] news? For Jose to get what Jose wants, another manager must perish.

And  surely Brand Jose is a little tarnished after his second spell at Chelsea. Who wants him? The Times says Real are in a “desperate dash to get Jose”. Well, not Real, just the club’s President Florentino Perez. Duncan Castles says Real presents a complicated hierarchy that could deter Jose. He says at Manchester United, Jose would hold sway in all things football. United would be a “fresh start”.

But one other Times headlines states: “José Mourinho left Chelsea only after he set club on fire.” Beneath that, Matt Dickinson writes:

The Portuguese’s need for confrontation will never change, and will put off many potential employers… He had tried everything to keep the Cult of José going through these months of deepening malaise but key players had tired of him, his voice, his methods, his demands…

Senior figures at Manchester United did not want Mourinho to succeed Sir Alex Ferguson in 2013 because they believed he was more trouble than he was worth. Even with the traumas under David Moyes, the lethargy under Louis van Gaal, and Chelsea’s title in May, they tell themselves that the combined evidence of the last two years backs up that judgment.

With Old Trafford under new leadership, will they now change their mind? Highly doubtful. Ed Woodward, the executive vice-chairman, may hear a chorus of fans arguing for Mourinho over Van Gaal but the Portuguese does now come with a health warning — “may explode after two years” — as well as his guarantee of instant gratification.

And Jose for England?

He has been sounded out for the England job before and it may be vacant next summer. International football has the advantage that the players will only see Mourinho every few months. Too much of him is more than anyone can bear after a while.

Jose for England it is, then, picking fights with the FA and every Premier League team with an England player in its ranks. He’d be great, wouldn’t he.


Posted: 27th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, Sports | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

England balls: Arsenal striker out for six months as Hodgson considers options

COQAC-XWgAAcwZLThe Sun says England manager Roy Hodgson has issued a “warning” to injured strikers Danny Wellbeck and Daniel Sturridge.

 HODGSON has warned Danny Welbeck and Daniel Sturridge that time is running out.

Arsenal’s Welbeck is injured; Liverpool’s Sturridge is returning from a long injury-enforced layoff.  Was Hodgson so crass as to “warn” the players of anything? Wouldn’t he better served encouraging them?

Hodgson says Welbeck will not return to action for another six months, as opposed to Arsenal’s view that it will be a three-month absence.

What Hodgson also said was:


“I can only hope that Danny recovers a bit quicker and then hits the ground running as soon as he does return. Daniel Sturridge is a bit the same. It’s a year since he played for me. The two of them are always in my thoughts because I think they are very good players and they did extremely well for the national team when I was coaching.”

Not a warning of any sort, then.

In the Indy, the talk is of “a Plan B for if they are without Daniel Sturridge and Danny Welbeck”. Says Hodgson:

“I’ve got to make certain that there are a few Vardys and Kanes and Walcotts and that because we can’t keep going around talking about the ones who aren’t there.”


“We’ve got to be quite sanguine about it and we mustn’t start thinking ‘When this one comes back, we’ll be better still.’ We can’t do that. We’ve got to make sure we’re good with the ones who are playing.”

Hodgson makes entirely sensible comment. Read all about it.



Posted: 7th, September 2015 | In: Arsenal, Liverpool, Reviews, Sports | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Brass Banned: Let’s Pray The Dire England Band Get The Chop After Scotland Game

NO-ONE really likes the England Brass Band that blight England’s international matches. The droning, metronomic thud takes all the spontaneity out of crowd singing and acts as an active drain on the will to live.

Now, the Football Association is going to be asked some tough questions about them after their appearance at the England-Scotland friendly, which saw the English winning 3-1.

While there was mercifully little trouble surrounding the game, the England supporters band will be finding themselves in hot water after they played along with fans singing off-colour songs in the stands.

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Posted: 19th, November 2014 | In: Sports | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Talking Balls: Arsenal’s Oxlade-Chamblerlain Pretends To Be Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney

the ox


LAST season Arsenal footballers Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain looked like Kieran Gibbs.

Gibbs was sent off for The Ox’s handball (which wasn’t even a sending-off offence).





Last night, Oxlade-Chamberlain was pretending to be Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney. ITV’s Clive Tyldesley commentates:


Posted: 19th, November 2014 | In: Arsenal, Sports | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Liverpool Balls: Raheem Sterling Has Only 18 Hours Off A Week To Sleep, Eat And Call His Agent

IAN Wright adds his view to the Raheem Sterling story – the one about his being too ‘tired’ to start for England in Estonia.

IMAGINE walking into work one Monday morning ready for a 40 or 50-hour week.

Yeah, imagine how good that would be to no longer be on a zero hours contract. But Wright is not talking of living the dream. He talking of the nightmare:

Then think how you would feel if the boss suddenly decided that from now on he expected you to spend treble that time in the office.

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Posted: 14th, October 2014 | In: Sports | Comments (2) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Liverpool Balls: ‘Tired’ Bighead Raheem Sterling Is No Diehard ‘Rested’ Leighton Baines

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AN update on the Balls written about Raheem Sterling, the Liverpool tyro who admitted to England manager Roy Hodgson that he was not feeling on top form.

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Posted: 13th, October 2014 | In: Liverpool, Sports | Comments (2) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Kevin Pietersen Shoots His Mouth Off At Everyone



CRICKET, to the uninitiated, has always seemed perfectly quaint and polite. Of course, cricket fans know that within the sport is some of the most brutal trash-talking, ego maniacs and a lot of heavy drinking.

Even the ever-so-English David Gower, who played the grinning straight man on panel show They Think It’s All Over, was a lunatic. In 1991, he went for a joy-ride in a Tiger Moth biplane after they’d been dismissed in a match, before posing with his plane in the papers the next day. Even though his captain, Graham Gooch was apoplectic with rage, it didn’t stop Gower, during the fourth Test at Adelaide, walking out to the crease to the tune of Those Magnificent Men in their Flying Machines.

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Posted: 6th, October 2014 | In: Sports | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Harry Redknapp Says England Should Play Leyton Orient



LAST night England defeated the mighty Norway 1-0 at a half-empty Wembley. It was dire. But such is often the way of so-called friendly matches, which are just pre-seaon warm-ups for the more comptitive fixtures. Writing in the Sun, Harry Redknapp, the media’s pick to be England manger before Roy Hodgson got the job, asks rhetorically:

What possible value is there in a total non-event against the worst Norway team we have seen for years”

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Posted: 4th, September 2014 | In: Sports | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

England V Norway: Paper Call Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney A Fat Chancer

MANCHESTER United and England captain Wayne Rooney is a “FATSO”.

The Star leads with “CAPTAIN FATSO”.

News is that the Norway captain has called Rooney fat.


Screen shot 2014-09-03 at 07.31.40


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Posted: 3rd, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

World Cup Balls: Paul Merson Forgets England 1984 And Thinks Mexico And Brazil Are Rubbish

WORLD Cup Balls presents the wit of Paul Merson – billed in the Daily Star as “Our top columnist”,. He “shoots from the lip”.

Daily Star columnist Merson said: “This is the lowest of the low for England. It doesn’t get any worse”

England scored one point from three matches at the World Cup Finals. In 1994, England scored no points at the World Cup Finals. Merson was part of the team that failed to make it that far.

“People said we had a tough group because there were three former World Cup winners in it – rubbish.”

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Posted: 26th, June 2014 | In: Sports | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

England Laughs: Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney And Liverpool’s Stephen Gerrard Practice For Penalties



SO. England, noble England, were the gallant losers to a decent and better organised Italian side.

Memories from the game are not many. But two stand out.


1. Liverpool’s Steven Gerrard never did get into the Italian penalty box enough:



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Posted: 15th, June 2014 | In: Sports | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

How England were cheated out of TWELVE World Cups

HOW England were cheated out of TWELVE World Cups.



England1 (1)



See that lone star above the Three Lions crest?

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Posted: 12th, June 2014 | In: Flashback, Key Posts | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

World Cup Balls: The List Of Things Out To Kill England Fans In Brazil

THINKING of heading to Brazil to watch England in the World Cup? The media have been doing their best to put you off:




The Daily Mail says huge bugs are waiting to off Englanders.


Screen shot 2014-05-15 at 22.24.12


Welcome to the jungle: Match night in Manaus, where giant hornets hover overhead

The Mail is unable to show readers a picture of an actual hornet. But they are there. Probably.




The Sun spots a new killer. Fans are at risk. Hell, players are gong down faster than Ashley Cole in a taxi.


Screen shot 2014-05-15 at 22.29.02






The Mirror says that when being mugged it’s an idea to remain silent.


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Security bosses believe if fans “do not react, scream or argue,” then they will not provoke robbers into further violence.





The site MindfulMoney says vampires are coming to get you.



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The Metro sees terrorists.

Football fans have been warned to expect a ‘World Cup of terror’ at the hands of Brazilian crime gangs.

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More from the Mail. If the hornet miss, the holidaying mozzies won’t…


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“There are no vaccines or drugs against dengue but an individual will never contract dengue if they do not get bitten by an infected mosquito in the first place. So avoiding mosquito bites is the best precaution.”




The Daily Star sees things crawling up your bottom.


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Says the site SambaFoot:

Despite being illegal in Brazil to pay for sex with a child aged 17 and under, girls as young as 11 are dressed to look older than they are and forced into the sex trade.

What do they wear – police uniforms?




The Colorado Daily News has a list of stuff you might find in a jungle:

The jungle around Manaus is home to the Brazilian yellow scorpion, one of the planet’s most deadly varieties, with a venomous sting that can be fatal. Tarantulas also live in the loose soil, digging burrows where they wait for prey. While they cannot kill a human, their bites are painful and the hairs on their bodies can cause itching and sore skin. The tropical climate also attracts false water cobras which can grow up to 7ft long and deliver their venom with a grinding, chewing action, rather than a quick strike, which causes bruising and swelling.




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The Mirror has a nickname for Manaus.




The Huffington Post has this word of warning:

Dead Fan Walking

English fans visiting Brazil face a particularly hazardous situation. In England, for example traffic laws are enforced far more rigorously than they are in Brazil. Then too, traffic in England moves in the opposite direction that it does in Brazil. English fans are accustomed by instinct to look in the opposite direction for oncoming traffic. Forgetting to look the right way could become dangerous.




Brazilian Sports Minister Aldo Rebelo says danger is relative:

We all have our tragedies and challenges, serious problems relating to security, but I do not think that the English face greater risks than they see in Iraq or Afghanistan, where they recently lost hundreds of young soldiers.’


More when we spot them…

Posted: 15th, May 2014 | In: Sports | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0