Anorak News | New Homes For Guantanamo Bay Mates At LAWNS 12-Step Programme

New Homes For Guantanamo Bay Mates At LAWNS 12-Step Programme

by | 26th, January 2009

GUANTANAMO Bay is closing and Old Mr Anorak has selflessly offered to find bed and board for three and maybe four – should Svetlana not return for her trip to the immigration centre – of the Bay’s more handsome residents.

OMA is not obsessed with looks, far from it. He would often compliment the first Lady OMA on her top knot of sun-kissed skin upon which her thatch of blonde hair perched like a smug Tweety pie on a comatose Sylvester (Memoirs Vol. IX, Chapt. XXXVI).

He is merely responding to the science of it that show how more photogenic person make for better ping-pong players.

He will be leafing through the pictures of each Bay Mate and understands that allowances must be made for the unforgiving bright light shone into the eyeballs. He would also appreciate the authorities providing him with pictures of detainees in the Bay’s swimsuit section (water board surfing) and data on how long they can hold their breath.

On such data are Thai ping-pong championships won and lost.

He will also take over the running of Guantanamo Bay and rename it the Lady Anorak’s Worldwide Nihility Spa (LAWNS).


1. We admitted we were powerless over the lure of virgins – that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore everyone else to sanity.

3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of men who knew God intimately, or had friend of a friend of a friend who did.

4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves, including full frisking at the door and passing through the WMD detection device. We then did the same for everyone else and found them lacking.

5. We admitted to other human beings the exact nature of their wrongs.

6. We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of their character, or remove the characters.

7. We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings and make them longer, or at least average size.

8. We made a list of all persons who have harmed us, will harm us, might harm us and could harm us, and became willing to make amends to them all by way of bomb vest, knife, bottle top stuck into an old stick, sharpened car keys and kicks to the shins.

9. We made direct and lingering amends to such people wherever possible.

10. We continued to take personal inventory and when we knew the others were wrong invited them to promptly admit it or/and have their heads chopped off.

11. We sought through video and photograph to improve our conscious contact with the media.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to peaceful persons and to practice these principles in all their affairs.


OMA will then interview the Bay Mates over the course of the next 12 months.


Posted: 26th, January 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians Comments (2) | TrackBack | Permalink