Anorak News | Give Your Lover Revenge Crabs

Give Your Lover Revenge Crabs

by | 26th, March 2009

LOVER getting you down. Boyfriend too demanding. Girlfriend not as you thought? Time to get your won back with a dose of REVENGE CRABS.

In short, we give crabs to your ex-girlfriend. No if’s, not too many and’s, but we promise a very itchy butt…

The people at Revenge Crabs may need a Revenge Spellchecker and’s [sic] for that itchy butt. It’s crabs not craps, right?

Imagine, if you can, that you have an ex… Now imagine, if you can imagine it, that you might have some reason why you don’t like this ex of yours. What could you possibly do to get back at him or her? I have an idea, and it’s just so crazy it might work. Give your ex crabs!

It’s an idea so horrible, regrettable and insulting that you could never directly endorse or request it, and we won’t ask you to. All we do is ask you for your billing and shipping addresses, and mail you out a tidy package of peculiar material with tiny, purple dots in it… those are live crabs, and they need only be sprinkled on the bedding or clothing of the one you once loved the most to ensure he/she sufferers the fullest wrath of those genital lice.

We have a facility in a non-descript, small-town city in upstate New York where we do all of our parasite husbandry and carefully considered selective breeding. You don’t have to “get it” or even “like it”, but just know we’re doing our very best every day to help you get back to where you deserve to be in terms of justice and respect.

And when you get back together, you can share the gift that keeps on giving…


Posted: 26th, March 2009 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink