eurovision | Anorak

Posts Tagged ‘eurovision’

Eurovision bans ladders and pliers but not Cliff Richard

banned eurovision


The Eurovision Song Contest is the trashsy, tacky music show that the UK never wins. Organisers of this year’s show in Portugal have produced a list of forbidden items.

Now take it away, Cliff Richard:



Spotter: BBC

Posted: 26th, April 2018 | In: Strange But True, TV & Radio | Comment

Montenegrin Patriarch: Conchita Wurst Caused the Balkan Floods



SO says one of the more conservative churchmen of the Balkans, that Conchita Wurst, the bearded bloke in a dress who won the Eurovision song contest, caused the Balkan Floods that have forced 150,000 people from their homes. Quite remarkable what God gets pissed off about really, isn’t it?

In more detail the claim is being made by the Montenegrin Patriarch, that the floods are not a coincidence. Oooh, no, it is a warning from God that people should not join the dark side. Although quite what’s so dark about a bearded drag queen isn’t explained in any detail:

Conchita Wurst is responsible for flooding that left over 50 people dead earlier this month, church leaders in the Balkans have claimed.

The Austrian drag artist, whose real name is Thomas Neuwirth, seized international attention after winning Eurovision 2014 with his hit Rise Like a Phoenix.

However, several church leaders have now claimed the recent devastating flooding across the Balkans, which was the worst in a century and left over 50 people dead, was “divine punishment” for Conchita’s victory.

“This [flood] is not a coincidence, but a warning,” Patriarch Amfilohije of Montenegro said, according to “God sent the rains as a reminder that people should not join the wild side.”

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Posted: 23rd, May 2014 | In: Money, Reviews | Comment (1)

Eurovision: Nice One Conchita Wurst But Frank Zappa And Steve Kardynal Did It First And Better



AND so it came to be that Thomas Neuwirth transformed a drippy signer with a terrible voice into Conchita Wurst – a bearded singer in a dress with a nightclub singer’s voice.




And he won Eurovison.



His look has caught on:





But how original is his act?


That question to you, Frank Zappa:





The man with the woman head is here to help:




And to you Steve Kardynal:




Posted: 12th, May 2014 | In: Music, TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Eurovision: Belasrussia’s Robin Thicke Sings About His ‘Sweet Cheesecake’

EUROVISION gives and gives. This season it’s given us A Belarussian entry by TEO. It’s called Cheesecake. The video is by Robin Thicke’s less saucy cousin.


Round up the usual suspects…

Posted: 16th, January 2014 | In: Music | Comment

Eurovision stars: Yan Kasepava shows Gloria Gaynor Azerbaijan the door

ONE day theEuroVision masters will realise that they are sitting on a gold. Forget the voting. Just play every act that wants to enter the show one after the other. No judges. No voiceovers. Nothing added. Just people on stage singing. To kick of the newlook show, here’s Azerbaijan’s Yan Kasepava showing Gloria Gaynor the door:

Posted: 7th, February 2013 | In: Music, TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Valentina Monetta: The Social Network Song – the worst Eurovision song ever?

SONG of the Day is the 2012 Eurovision entry from San Marino, as sung by Valentina Monetta. The Social Network Song is so utterly awful it looks like a parody, a skit from Tracey Ullman.  “Do you want to come to my house, and click me with your mouse”….

It might win.

Posted: 20th, April 2012 | In: Music | Comment (1)

What’s with Russell Grant and Eurovision?

IS Russell Grant the face and sound of Eurovision? In recent weeks, stories about Grant’s involvement in Eurovision have appeared in the press. There’s a Facebook page called Russell Grant For Eurovision. Only, all the stories are false – unless the stargazer has peered into the future and seen something we’ve missed, Engelbert Humperdinck is singing for The UK and Graham Norton is fronting the show on the BBC:

Daily Star – November 17, 2011:

Strictly Come Dancing 2011: Russell Grant is set to sing for Europe.

Says a source:

 He’s camp just like Eurovision. But he can also sing and dance, unlike some of our past entries.

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Posted: 6th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Engelbert Humperdinck to represent the UK at Eurovision

EUROVISION is getting among everyone again, and in the latest desperate, needy grab at being loved, the UK has tried to second guess the tastes of Europe by going insultingly kitsch and camp and hired Engelbert Humperdinck to represent.

Yes. An aging, prema-tanned man who does the jobs Tom Jones turns down.

Of course, that’s no slight on Engelbert because, face it, Quando Quando Quando is a toweringly good song and Release Me is a bona fide wedding reception classic. But will he get us loving looks from a collection of countries that essentially hate us?

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Posted: 2nd, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Jedward Will Be In The Celebrity Big Brother House, Of Course

THERE is absolutely no surprise that John and Edward (or Jedward from now on because they really don’t deserve to have separate names really, given that, together, they equate to less than your average human being) have been strongly linked to Five’s Celebrity Big Brother 2011.

Basically, when you’ve no discernible skill, other than a constant source of wonder at the world, coupled with the ability to take the English language and mangle it into something curious and baffling, you’re always going to gravitate toward a show that essentially prolongs your career without having to do anything more than sit on a sofa, occasionally cook, have drunken quarrels, shag under kitchen tables and perform a vaguely humiliating tasks in a garden.

Essentially, it’s fresher’s week for celebrities.

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Posted: 17th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Jedward To Team Up With Aerosmith, Which Is Completely Fine

JEDWARD are in grave danger of having their credibility ruined by teaming up with ageing rock testicles, Aerosmith. Well kinda. Not the whole of Aerosmith, but mainman, Steven Tyler, who is currently sat at home ironing his face in a trouser press.

Dr Seuss’ Thing A and Thing B come to life Jedward may be, but they’re putting all that Eurovision Song Contest thing behind them (unlike Blue who will be self-harming over the whole thing for decades yet) by looking forward to a duet with one of rock’s most unwilling to disappear.

It appears that the leaping twins of doom will be teaming up with withered balloon animal of RAWK to record a new version of Aerosmith’s Walk This Way, which no-one wanted or asked for.

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Posted: 23rd, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment

Eurovision: Jedward’s Gibert & George-Themed Pop Magic Too Good for Euro Wonks

HOW did Jedward not win Eurovsion? They referenced Gilbert & George: high concept pop or what, you Euro-cunts? The gayest duo currently warbling. I wonder if they are practising. Yet. Dare they? Long live Ireland!

Posted: 15th, May 2011 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)

Eurovision 2011: Blue Are Now A Cartoon

BLUE, the UK entry into the Eurovision Song contest, have been turned into a two cartoon.

Yep, yeah the early middle-aged boybanders have been transformed into a 2D outfit. What are the odds?

As MEN put sit soberly:

Joining an elite group of acts like The Jackson 5 and The Beatles.

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Posted: 3rd, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment

Blue Invent Turd Pop With Inevitable Eurovision Failure!

BLUE are impressively awful. They make music for people who clearly don’t own a rudimentary ear or functioning brain cell. And making up the numbers in the band are Lee ‘Doesn’t Care About The Victims Of 911’ Ryan, Duncan ‘Looks Like A Dummy In The Window Of Next’ James, Simon ‘A Thing To Occupy Some Shoes’ Webb and, last and by no means least, Anthony ‘Likes Having A Piss On Cash Machines’ Costa.

And these reprobates are leading the charge into Europe like the most ineffectual army the world has ever known, as they stake a claim to be slightly more popular than a singing funeral director from Moldova or whatever they’re entering into this year’s Eurovision Song Contest.

So dislikeable are the boys from Blue, that we’re are absolutely guaranteed to make the rest of Europe hate us so much that they might actually declare war against us or, indeed, ask us as a nation, to never make another sound for the rest of eternity.

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Posted: 14th, April 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)

Eurovision: Israel Enters KNOB

SHOULD Eurovision stalwart Israel export democracy to the rest of the Middle East, the song contest can be expanded and the world can rejoice to the Syrian equivalent of Dana International, who has won the show and wants to compete again. Standing in her way is another act.

Their name? KNOB.

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Posted: 7th, March 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Eurovision: Daniela and Veronika Nizlova Sing Into Geri Halliwell’s Hairbrush

EUROVISION: Daniela and Veronika Nizlova are Slovakia’s answer to Jedward, who are representing all of Ireland in the pan-continent song contest. The Nizolva twins both look a bit like two young Geri Haliwell singing into Peter Stringfellow’s hairbrush; and sound about as good.

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Posted: 21st, February 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Eurovision: Romanian Entry’s Lead Singer David Bryan Caught In Web Sex Caper

EUROVISION Sing Contest 2011: Meet David Bryan, the English-born lead singer of Romanian entry FM Hotel. Bryan will represent Romania in Dusseldorf. He will sing Change.

And he’s already carving out a reputation in the tabloids. Reports are that a woman known as GL met Bryan on the internet. The 21-year-old got chatting with Bryan online. She sent him a photo of herself. He got on the webcam and – yep – allegedly  masturbated in front of her.

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Posted: 18th, February 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Eurovision 2011: Jedward Reject Revolution In Qatar To Sing For Ireland

EUROVISION: Jedward are the offcial entry of Ireland in the Eurovision song contest. By now many of you might have thought Jedward would have developed their talents aways from the performing arts, perhaps as a new food addictive that triggers hyperactivity in toddlers, a twin trophy at an ATP tour event or lent their name to a  Revolution in Qatar. But processed food’s lost is music’s gain as the brother Grimes sing “Lipstick” at the Eurovision semi-finals of the contest in Dusseldorf.

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Posted: 12th, February 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment

Eurovision: Lithuania Fiddles With The G-Strings

EUROVISION 2011: As the UK waves the Red, White And Blue flag for Blue (with an emphasis on the white), we take a look at the competition. To Lithuania, then, where Mino are preforming there sure-fire hit Don’t Go.

The B-side has G-strings (and terrible leg cramps)…

Posted: 10th, February 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)

Blue Are Back For Eurovision As The Official Sound Of The BBC

BLUE are back – finally. The boys have stepped away from the stella post-boy-band careers (fries, sir?) to do their patriotic duty and serve the nation at the Eurovision Song Contest. It’s Red, White and BLUE.

Blue were chosen for the job by the BBC, so making the young middle-aged dudes the official sound of the state broadcaster. And how cool is that!

Posted: 31st, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Eurovison: Lena Meyer-Landrut Wins With Mambo Number 5 Meets The Ting Tings

EUROVISON winner Lena Meyer-Landrut is delighted to win the procession of glitter and bias with Satellite. Louis Berga (Mambo Number 5) and the Ting Tings (That’s Not My Name) are thought to be appreciative.

There is very little that is original:



Ting Tings:



Posted: 30th, May 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Eurovision 2010: The Winners, The Losers And The Pictures

IT’S the Eurovision live blog. Eurovision is the type of democracy that teaches the world how prejudice and glitter can mix. The stunners and the munters:

There are 25 singers and songs. Yeah, just 25. The last time Old Mr Anorak listened people sing 25 songs in a row was at the Somme to keep spirits up.

The Winners & The Losers

Band name of the night: Moldova’s Sunstroke Project & Olia Tira

Sunstroke is the legal high of choice in Moldova.

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Posted: 30th, May 2010 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comments (13)

Josh Dubovie Sings For The UK’s Estate Agents At Eurovsion: In Pictures And Video

EUROVISION: Josh Dubovie will sign this year’s British entry in the song for Europe. The 19-year-old from Basildon won BBC1’s ‘Eurovision: Your Country Needs You’, warbling the Mike Stock and Pete Waterman penned song – oh, the irony –  ‘That Sounds Good To Me‘ before a panel of judges.

Dubrovie’s impression of an estate agent at the Christmas do was only bettered when Heidi Range from the Sugababes showed off her engagement ring. Says Dubovie: “I really believe I can go on to win the Eurovision Song Contest for us.” Yep, he does jokes as well… He’d never have beaten them.

“The final dest-tinayyyytion, sounds a celebraytiiiiiion….”


Picture 1 of 11

Josh Dubovie, 19, from Basildon, who won BBC1's 'Eurovision: Your Country Needs You' to represent the UK with the Mike Stock and Pete Waterman penned song 'That Sounds Good To Me' at the Eurovision Song Contest, filmed at BBC TV Centre in west London.

Posted: 13th, March 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)

Eurovision: Buranovskiye Babushki Beats Susan Boyle 6 To 1

EUROVISION looms and sad news that you will nto be seeing Buranovskiye Babushki sinigng Kak zhit – “How To Live“. The ladies only scored third place, losing out to Russia’s very own Borat Mr Peter Nalich and his song Lost and Forgotten. B

Buranovskiye Babushka should have won. Forget Britain’s Susan Boyle. Russia sees her and trumps us with six Susan Boyles.

You want Hairy Angels? You can’t handle the Hairy Angels. From the national Republic of Udmurtia, we give you Buranovskiye Babushki & The Boyles In The Bags:

(Which one’s Cheryl Cole?)

Posted: 12th, March 2010 | In: Key Posts | Comment

The X Factor Fixed It For Me

6623193WE’RE down to the final…24 in the X Factor, the pro-longed advertorial for Simon’s Cowell’s School For Music (please, sir, can we have no more).

These are the final 24 – the last 24 people in the UK to have not appeared in the grand final of a reality TV singing contest.

But hold a moment. It seems that the X Factor is less a school than a borstal, a last chance for jobbing wannabes to hit the big time and enter decent society, or clinch a walk-on part in Hollyoaks and/or a stint holding their enlarged chests in a lads’ mag:

Stacey McClean – a former player with pro outfit S Club Juniors.

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Posted: 28th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Jade Ewen Cry: My Time In Eurovison Is Limited

HOORAH for Jade Ewen, singer of My Time at this year’s Eurovision Song Contest in Moscow, Russia.

Ewen is backed by Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber (he writes the songs that’s tick in the head like a crossbow bolt) and a reality show (the BBC makes the brand).

William Hill is offering odds of 5/1 that My Time will come last and 16/1 that it will get ‘nul points’ and continue the fine tradition on British Eurovision agonists.

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Posted: 2nd, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)