Madonna | Anorak

Posts Tagged ‘Madonna’

Madonna waves the hand sanitizer on kid-scouting mission to Malawi

Madonna is going to adopt more children. Yeah, that’s what we thought. But Barron Trump seems pretty happy where he is. No, Madonna is going to adopt two children from Malawi.

Madge is stocking up on antibacterial gel and looking through profiles. (In 2009, Madonna, who has already adopted two children from Malawi, waved her bottle of sanitizer out the limo window as she high-tailed it away from the Home of Hope orphanage.)




The Star says Madonna has flown to the country on a private jet to “thrash out the deal”. The paper says the singer was seen carrying a child from the court, believed to be one of the two she wants to adopt”. Rumours that the child was first baptized in the paddling pool that marks the approach to a public swimming pool are wide of the mark. The smart money is that the child was dunked in a sheep dip.

But hold on. At the end of the Star’s reports” MADGE I’LL ADOPT TWO MORE KIDS”, we hear from Madonna, who says, “The rumours of an adoption process are untrue.”




Such are the facts.


Posted: 26th, January 2017 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

Madonna misses the White House as envious celebs bask in Trump’s light



In the twilight area between fact and fiction lies the Daily Star. Today’s Star leads with the sensational news that Donald Trump is “IN CELEBRITY BIG BOTHER”.

Such is the way of Trump, it might be that the thin-skinned reality TV creation is to appear on another reality TV show. But did you spot the pun? Anorak had to read it twice. It’s “BIG BOTHER” not “BIG BROTHER”. And news is that Donald Trump in in trouble because:

a) China has eaten the last creature he wears on his head?

b) There’s a gay sex tape?

c) He’s a jihadi?

d) Madonna is upset?

Yeah, it’s ‘d’. But should there be trade war with China, things might get worse for Trump.

As we’ve noted, Madonna says she is so upset at the result of a legally democratic vote she considered “blowing up the White House“. And no, she wasn’t planning on achieving it by nipping in the back door and pricking her inflated ego. Kaboom! Rhinestone all over the place.

Also unhappy with Trump are: The Edge (from U2, the group front by Bono, aka Mr G21), Natalie Portman, Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus and Amy Schumer.

Does anyone else think the problem celebs have with Trump is not a problem at all. He’s a symbol that what a TV star says matters. Their lives are not just about endorsements for fizzy drinks, the next record / film / miracle baby / diet / gadget and Hillary Clinton. People actually listen to what famous, vain, rich people with zero political nous, diplomatic savvy and military experience say. And what’s more, they vote for them to be President of the US of A!

“Look,” say the A-listers “one of us can get into the White House. Why didn’t my agent tell me?”

Madonna’s just gutted it isn’t her sat in the big chair with a finger on the button. Neither brave nor daring enough to go for the top job, she’s been reduced to playing on as Trump’s support act. No wonder she’s unhappy.

Posted: 23rd, January 2017 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Politicians, Tabloids | Comment

Madonna’s beyond parody David Bowie tribute

madonna bowie tribute


Madonna sang Rebel Rebel in tribute to David Bowie at one of her shows.

Do we all agree in the right to be different, she asked the crowd? Yeah, we all agree, Madge, they yelled back. Let’s be different!

Rebel! Rebel!


rebel madonna


“It would be my guess that Madonna is not a very happy woman. From my own experience, having gone through persona changes like that, that kind of clawing need to be the center of attention is not a pleasant place to be” – David Bowie


Spotter: Victor Olliver

Posted: 16th, January 2016 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Madonna accuses BBC Radio 1’s 49-year-old music chief of ageism

Madonna ageism BBC

Madonna accuses BBC Radio 1 of “discriminatory and unfair” behaviour for failing to play her latest song, Living For Love. The song failed to make the station’s playlist, which dictates its most-played songs. The BBC says this had led to “accusations of ageism from the 56-year-old’s fans”.

Radio 1 says songs are selected on “musical merit and their relevance to our young audience on a case-by-case basis”.

And who is the maven of what the young, go-ahead audience wants?

Radio 1’s 49-year-old head of music, George Ergatoudis, said the station had “moved on” from her music.

As David Hepworth tweets:

I was embarrassed about being 31 when I edited Smash Hits. I see the head of the Radio One playlist committee is 49!

Radio 1 reaches 12 million listeners a week, including 42% of all 15- to 24-year-olds (and their dads).

Posted: 12th, March 2015 | In: Music, TV & Radio | Comment

Madonna uses dead black men to promote her Rebel Heart

If you’re black, famous and dead you can promote Madonna’s new album, Rebel Heart.





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Posted: 5th, January 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment

15 Great Moments in Sexually Suggestive Pop Music



IN 1985, Tipper Gore’s Parents Music Resource Center (PMRC) released their “Filthy 15” – fifteen songs they felt were the most objectionable on the planet.  Prince’s “Darling Nicki” topped the list, Sheena Easton’s “Sugar Walls” came in at #2, and Cyndi Lauper’s “She-Bop” rounded out the list at #15.

Not surprisingly, the PMRC only managed to increase sales for all 15 songs, and made the US government look even more like an overbearing nanny state. Far from holding back the tide of explicit music, you might say the dam burst not long after. Indeed, the songs on Tipper’s Filthy 15 look quaint by today’s standards.

Well, it’s been almost twenty years, so I think we’re due for another Filthy 15, don’t you? It would be much too easy to draw from contemporary music (Where does one even begin?). So, rather than shoot fish in a barrel, let’s look at the 1960s-80s, when artists couldn’t be so direct– when they had to lay it between the lines.  These aren’t necessarily the raunchiest, just some great moments in filthy songwriting.  Please feel free to add your own – if a Filthy 15 is good, a Filthy 50 is even better!



15. “Penny Lane” by The Beatles (1967)


penny lane


“A four of fish and finger pies”


For shame, McCartney, for shame! Most listeners interpreted this as a charming recount or memories at “the shelter in the middle of the roundabout”; not realizing a “finger pie” isn’t something from a dinner menu. I’ll leave it to you to extrapolate this one.



14. “Love Gun” by Kiss (1977)




“You pull the trigger of my love gun”

It’s painfully simple and obvious, but what makes it special is that it was such a popular song among the grade-school set. There’s something very, very special about millions of 1970s pre-teens singing along to a song about Paul Stanley’s penis.



13. “House of Fun” by Madness



“Sixteen today, and up for fun.
I’m a big boy now, or so they say.
So if you’ll serve, I’ll be on my way.”


I’ll admit, I’ve heard this song a thousand times, but never made the obvious connection to what it’s all about. Like Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s “Relax”, you get so caught up in the hopping beat, you don’t stop to think about the meaning of the words. While Frankie’s song is about graphic sexual advice, this one is much more innocent:

“To this day I can barely mention the title onstage without wanting to throw up. It’s about the embarrassment of going to a chemist’s shop to buy a condom for the first time.”
– The Daily Mirror, September 18, 2009



12. “Pearl Necklace” by ZZ Top



She was really bombed, and I was really blown away,
Until I asked her what she wanted, and this is what she had to say:
A pearl necklace.

Maybe not the most romantic song ever written, but what do you expect from the boys who brought you “Tube Snake Boogie”? And if I have to tell you what a pearl necklace is, it’s probably past your bedtime.



11. “Like a Virgin” by Madonna (1984)



“Like a virgin, Touched for the very first time”

According to Mr. Brown in Reservoir Dogs (1992), this song has a very explicit connotation (too explicit to recite here, in fact). Suffice it to say, the theory is that the singer has seen her share of action and can no longer be stimulated… that is, until she meets a “John Holmes” whose girth makes her feel like a virgin all over again.



10. “My Sharona” by The Knack




Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty mind
I always get it up, for the touch of the younger kind

Fieger (the lead singer) wrote this about a girl he’d just met at a clothing store, Sharona Alperin. She was only 17 (8 years younger than him) and had a boyfriend, but no matter. The man was obsessed, and it shows through in the manic vocals.



9. “Little Red Corvette” by Prince


they live 2


I guess I must be dumb
‘Cause you had a pocket full of horses
Trojan and some of them used


There’s a fine line between innuendo and stating it plainly. For instance does Marvin Sease’s plainly stated “I Ate You For Breakfast” (1987) qualify as innuendo? How about the ribald “Hot Nuts (Get ’em from the Peanut Man)” by Georgia White (1931)? It’s in this erogenous zone where Prince’s music falls, with one foot in radio-friendly innuendo, and one foot in the gutter.



8. “Brand New Key” by Melanie



Well, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
I think that we should get together and try them out you see
I been looking around awhile
You got something for me


Back in ’71 there was a lot of hoopla over what this song actually meant; it even got banned on radio stations. Melanie insists it was completely innocent, but admits she can see the Freudian symbols throughout.



7. “I’d Really Love To See You Tonight” by England Dan & John Ford Coley



“I won’t ask for promises
So you won’t have to lie
We’ve both played that game before
Say I love you, then say goodbye”


I love it when soft rock gets dirty. It sounds deceptively light and radio-friendly; however, the wholesome veneer is just a disguise. This song is basically one long argument to get into a woman’s pants. Even worse, he’s promising no commitment – just one screw and then he’s outta there.



6. “Turning Japanese” by The Vapors



I’ve got your picture, I’ve got your picture….
You’ve got me turning up and turning down and turning in and turning ’round
I’m turning Japanese I think I’m turning Japanese I really think so


It’s supposedly about masturbation (the title references the face men make during “the process”); however, this may be just urban legend. Either way, it’s a schoolyard myth that’s kept going for a couple decades – a distinguished accomplishment in the annals of music history. And speaking of annals….



5. “Knocking at Your Back Door” by Deep Purple



“Feel it coming
It’s knocking at the door
You know it’s no good running
It’s not against the law”


A nice little ditty 100 percent about anal sex.

(awkward silence) So, there’s that information. Queue the next song.



4. “The Lemon Song” by Led Zeppelin




“Squeeze me baby, till the juice runs down my leg.
The way you squeeze my lemon, I’m gonna fall right out of bed.”


Zep combined a Howlin’ Wolf song called “Killing Floor” and Robert Johnson’s “Traveling Riverside Blues” to create this R rated classic. This and “Squeeze Box” by The Who were the first instances where I became aware that something dirty was going on in my record collection.



3. “More, More, More” by The Andrea True Connection



“But if you want to know how I really feel
Get the cameras rollin’
Get the action goin’”


This disco classic is made all the more illicit by the fact that Andrea True was an actual porn star.



2. “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” by Meatloaf



“I can see paradise by the dashboard light
You got to do what you can
And let Mother Nature do the rest”


The song was so over-the-top that it was initially labeled a novelty record and the studio musicians thought it was a practical joke. Indeed, the sexual innuendo is laid on thick for eight straight minutes. If this doesn’t deserve a place on this list, nothing does.



1. “Afternoon Delight” by The Starland Vocal Band


Thinkin’ of you’s workin’ up my appetite
Looking forward to a little afternoon delight
Rubbin’ sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite
And the thought of lovin’ you is getting so exciting


What has always made this so disorienting is the benign delivery coupled with its pornographic lyrics. It’s one thing to hear Aerosmith sing about their “big ten inch”, it’s altogether another when a folksy, seemingly family-friendly band gets in on the action. We expect it from Aerosmith, but when an EZ Listening folk rock quartet dips into the gutter, it’s downright magical.

Posted: 17th, March 2014 | In: Flashback, Key Posts, Music | Comment

Madeleine McCann: Guardian fingers Madonna in hunt for ‘kidnapper’

MADELEINE McCann: as yet the celebrities have been low on the ground in the hunt for the missing child. Operation Yewtree is not involved. But, then, the Guardian spotted Madonna:

Guardian maddie suspect


Spotter: Pies, via @ChrisPolick

Posted: 14th, October 2013 | In: Celebrities, Madeleine McCann | Comment (1)

In photos: the stars’ hilarious punk outfits at the Costume Institute Benefit Gala at the Metropolitan Museum

TO the Costume Institute Benefit Gala at the Metropolitan Museum – New York. The theme was Punk: Chaos to Couture. Whoah! Punk, you say. All bullet-hard leather jackets, super-glue hair and snot. The A-list artistes would do counterculture and DIY fashion. Would any be brave enough for a Nazi helmet? Well, no. This is what punk looks like when you hire a stylist to dress you as one. It’s like watching a Hampshire golf club putting on a performance of Derek Jarman’s Jubilee:


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Madonna attends the 'Punk': Chaos to Couture' Costume Institute Benefit Met Gala at the Metropolitan Museum in New York.

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Posted: 11th, May 2013 | In: Celebrities, Fashion | Comment

Malawi wants Gary Neville but gets Madonna

Malawi Madonna

MALAWI welcomes you. But not Madonna. Says Malawi’s leader Joyce Banda

“It is worth making her aware that Malawi has hosted many international stars, including Chuck Norris, Bono, David James, Rio Ferdinand and Gary Neville, who have never demanded state attention or decorum despite their equally dazzling stature.”

Eat yer heart out, Madge:

Neville Neville, Your future’s immense,
Neville Neville, You play in defence,
Neville Neville, Like Jacko you’re bad,
Neville Neville, Is the name of your dad!

Photo: US performer Madonna, centre, tours the Mphandura orpahange near Lilongwe, Malawi, Friday April 5, 2013. Madonna, is spending her fourth day in the southern African country from where she adopted two children David Banda, right and Mercy James, left. 

Posted: 12th, April 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Madonna has to point out irony of calling Obama a ‘black Muslim’

IT is a sorry state of affairs when people have to point out when they’re using irony. And Madonna, a notorious sarcastic ol’ thing, has had to do exactly that after everyone got jumpy about her calling Barack Obama a “black Muslim” during a show in Washington

A video shows Madge saying: “Now, it’s so amazing and incredible to think that we have an African-American in the White House … we have a black Muslim in the White House … it means there is hope in this country, and Obama is fighting for gay rights, so support the man!”

Cue a pointless furore, to which Madonna (who we’re legally obliged to refer to as ‘The Material Girl’ at some point in this article) responded:

“I was being ironic on stage. Yes, I know Obama is not a Muslim – though I know that plenty of people in this country think he is. And what if he were? The point I was making is that a good man is a good man, no matter who he prays to. I don’t care what religion Obama is – nor should anyone else in America.”

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Posted: 26th, September 2012 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comment

Madonna being sued for $10m for views on Pussy Riot

DESPITE the fact that this writer continually undermines Pussy Riot’s message by utterly fancying Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, the movement has attracted huge attention across the world as they rally against Russian premier Vlad Putin and the Russian Orthodox Church.

The stars of pop have come out in support of Pussy Riot, most notably, Madonna who stuck up for them during a gig in Russia. Three Pussy Riot members were sentenced to spend 2 years in prison for “hooliganism motivated by religious hatred” and now, thanks to Queen Madge’s support, she’s getting sued for more than $10million by emboldened hardliners.

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Posted: 20th, August 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Pussy Riot: Peaches sings, Femen strip, Jamie Reid paints and Madonna prays

PUSSY RIOT – a round-up of protest in support of Maria Alelchina, Nadezhda, Nadeezhda Tokonnikova and Yekaterina Samutsevich. The three women have been in jail for more than five months after performing a “punk prayer” in the Christ the Saviour Cathedral, in Moscow. They are accused of hooliganism motivated by religious hatred . The judge will begin reading her verdict this week. Prosecutors want the women each jailed for three years.

Will Vladimir Putin’s regime jail three women for an act of political dissent?

Peaches has recorded Free Pussy Riot. As she says:

Peaches, Simonne Jones, and tons of musicians, artists, activists, and free-thinkers are came together to make a video for this song in support of the russian punk feminist band PUSSY RIOT! Now that you have heard about the song and video, we want you to take action! Here is why:

In March 2012 three members of Pussy Riot, Maria Alyokhina, Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, and Yekaterina Samutsevitch, were taken into custody by Russian authorities for their participation as part of a protest at the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour of the Russian Orthodox Church in Moscow. Their punk prayer is and was an act of free speech and the charges of “hooliganism” and detainment of the three women are seen by the world as a cruel heavy handed act of oppression, are being carried out to discourage free thought and speech in Russia.

If Russia wishes to be a part of the modern globalized world it must adhere to the standards and principles of a free nation where its people have the right to have a free and open dialogue about all subjects. Discussion, debate, and action are the basic building blocks of a free society. By following through with the prosecution of these women Russian political bullies are currently making a mockery of free speech, free thought, and Russia’s own country’s constitution.

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Posted: 16th, August 2012 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment

Celebrities made to look normal

EVER wondered that celebrities would look like if they wer photoshopped to look ‘normal’? Well, some bright sparks went to work and produced these images of Scarlett Johansson, ‘poor’ Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and Madonna. They are all brilliant:

Spotter: LostEMinor

Posted: 15th, August 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)

Elton John calls Madonna a ‘fairground stripper’

MADONNA has always had her detractors and, while they are mostly unfair, sadly for Madge, they’re quite often very funny. Morrissey once said that she was the closest thing to legalised prostitution on Earth and Joan Rivers said that the singer is “so hairy, when she lifted her arm, I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.”

And now, Elton John is sticking the sequinned boot in.

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Posted: 7th, August 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Have no fear Pussy Riot – Madonna is here to adopt you

HAVE no fear Pussy Riot girls, Madonna is supporting you from afar. The Russian group face years in prison for criticising Russian President Vladimir Putin. You can read more of their alleged crimes here. Says Madonna:

“I’m against censorship, so I hope that the judge is lenient with them and that they are freed soon.”

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Posted: 7th, August 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

In photos – Madonna in concert at Murrayfield Stadium

IN photos: Madonna in concert at  Murrayfield Stadium in Edinburgh, Scotland. Madonna was once in-yer-face, minge-sashaying edgy and daring. Now with her Botox and fillers she looks like she worries what we think about her. We want a vaj-tastic singing Helen Mirren, letting it all hang loose, sexy and free. Madonna is just too immaculate.


Picture 1 of 19

Madonna performs at Murrayfield Stadium in Edinburgh, Scotland.

Posted: 24th, July 2012 | In: Music | Comment

Nazi-confused French National Front threaten to sue Madonna over Swastika image

MADONNA is in trouble with the French National Front. They might be suing her after she showed a video of party leader – Marine Le Pen – with a swastika on her forehead during a concert in Paris. Of course, most of the fans at the show whooped with delight at the image, but Le Pen’s crew are not pleased at all.

The images that were projected draw a terrible link between the party and an ideology that we reject,” party Vice President Florian Philippot said Monday. “Just because she is rich and well known does not mean we should accept such atrocities. It’s an insult against Marine Le Pen and an insult to all the National Front party members.”

After the image of Pen appeared in the video, it melded into that of one of Adolf Hitler.

Of course, the Daily Mail have been keen to point out that Le Pen has transformed the French National Front and now, it’s a rather good, clean party. And, as you’ve just read, Florian Philippot is keen to distance the party from all those horrible Nazis. They’re not into all that at all.

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Posted: 16th, July 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

The 12 Worst Pop Music Lyrics Ever

SHOULD the dancing and the singing and the breeding not work out for her, Britney Spears is showing signs of being a pretty good lyricist.

Speaking through the tears on a TV interview, Britney is heard to say:

“It’s bad. I’m sad.”

In your face, Chris de Burgh, who notoriously rhymed “dance” with “romance” in his seminal hit Lady In Red.

Anorak has delved into the pop archives and now brings you the 10 Worst Rhymes In Pop. Chins up, Britney, you may yet be great:

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Posted: 30th, June 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (14)

Madonna meets the Islamic Creationist Adnan Oktar and his audience of sex bots

THIS is great telly. Adnan Oktar on on the magic box in Turkey telling the River Yarra racers about the time he met Madonna. Oktar is a Turkish Creationist and, alleged, Holocaust denier. Oktar says the meeting was arranged by Yehuda Berg of the Kabbalah Centre. PS – Oktar looks like George Galloway after an episode of 10 Years Younger:

Posted: 18th, June 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

GaGa shows off black eye and has a pop at Madonna in the process

LADY GAGA has tweeted the picture of the black eye she got after being smacked about the head with a metal pole during a gig.

She tweeted: “Emerging from hours of sleep. Still remiss if I should go outside, with this clonker I may be of questionable styling. Thank you so much for all the thoughtful messages. I feel a bit woozy but a little better everyday. Very happy to be in beautiful Australia.”

Following the accident, GaGa told the audience: “I want to apologise, I did hit my head and I think I may have a concussion but don’t you worry I will finish this show.”

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Posted: 12th, June 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Madonna in trouble with the far-right

MADONNA, the Queen of Pop turned spiritual world healer, is known for her constant reinvention as well as for getting into cat fights. Well, she is now in trouble with French right-wing politician Marine Le Pen.

While in Israel to promote her new album – and peace in the Middle East – Madonna performed in front of a giant screen showing Le Pen with a swastika on her forehead.

Ms Le Pen reportedly commented: “We understand how old singers who need to get people talking about them go to such extremes.” Ouch.

The controversial image appeared during Madonna’s performance of the song “Nobody Knows Me”. A video projected on to the giant screen erected on the stage showed quickly alternating images of political and religious figures, including Chinese leader Hu Jinatao, US politician Sarah Palin and Pope Benedict XVI.

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Posted: 5th, June 2012 | In: Celebrities, Reviews | Comments (2)

Brazil’s Alexia Twister performs Madonna’s entire Super Bowls act better

ALEXIA Twister will now perform Madonna’s Super Bowl show. It’s fabulous. It’s drag-tasticulous. And the best bit is that it was not interrupted by men in leggings…  To Brazil:

Spotter: Dangerous Minds

Posted: 2nd, April 2012 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Daily Mail gawps at ‘sexy’ underage Lourdes – Madonna might worry

HARD cheese on Madonna’s daughter Lourdes for being grassed up by the Daily Mail for smoking at 15. The paps pounced and flogged photos of the teenaged puffer hanging about with her pal in New York. The Mail says Lourdes seemed “very comfortable with it”. You see, Lourdsettes. It was not her first ciggie. Lourdes has, like, been soo smoking for soooo long.

The bigger worry are the middle-aged men staring at Lourdes. The Mail’s “Daily Mail Reporter”, notes:

Wearing a black and white mini dress with matching shoes, the 10th grade schoolgirl wore dark shades and her long hair loosely around her shoulders.

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Posted: 26th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Madonna chides Karl Lagerfeld over Adele comments

MADONNA is a woman who has courted controversy for gain in the past, just like a stream of celebrities have done before and since. However, she’s obviously feeling a bit sensitive at the moment, taking time about to lambast controversial fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld.

See, Karl recently said that Adele was ‘a little too fat’. Now, of course, he also said that she had a ‘divine voice’. We’re not sure which is more debatable. She is clearly ‘a little fat’ and her voice is… well… ‘often in-tune but quite often bellowed and abrasive’.

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Posted: 12th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Madonna has sex over a cattle grid

MADONNA might be trying to stick the knife in to the libidos of her former lovers when she says:

“I prefer high heels to sex. They last longer.”

It all depends, of course, if you are having high-heeled sex of over a cattle grid or Army assault course –  or if you want to hang onto a naked partner for decades in the bottom of a cupboard while they gather dust and go in and out and in and out vogue…

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Posted: 2nd, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment