Sports Category
Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.
VIDEO: Watch loathsome Chelsea striker Diego Costa escape a red card for scratching, pushing, slapping and elbowing Arsenal
Chelsea were on rare old form against Arsenal this afternoon, with Jose Mourinho’s side adopting spoiling tactics from the outset as they hustled their way to a 2-0 win at the Bridge.
The game was tailor-made for Diego Costa, who was in his element as he baited, goaded, dived, slapped, bitched and whined his merry way through the match – the Chelsea fans gleefully serenading his efforts as he reeled through his entire risible repertoire.
As part of the act, Costa was shown a yellow by referee Mike Dean for clambering all over Laurent Koscielny, with the loathsome striker managing to get away with a couple of half-arsed slaps into the bargain…
Arsenal centre-half Gabriel was then sent-off for allegedly “kicking out” at Costa as the pair mingled on the half-way line – the point at which referee Mike Dean got all excited and duly lost all semblance of control of the match…
The Gunners then had Santi Cazorla dismissed in the middle of the second-half, the Spanish midfielder picking up a second yellow for an over-zealous tackle on Cesc Fabregas to duly leave his side with just nine men on the pitch for the final 10 minutes.
All in all, another dismal advert for Premier League football.
Posted: 19th, September 2015 | In: Arsenal, Chelsea, Reviews, Sports | Comment
Manchester United: Alex Ferguson ‘reveals the real reason’ he quit Old Trafford (again)
Sir Alex Ferguson today “reveals the real reason for his retirement as Manchester United manager” to the Daily Telegraph. It’s an “exclusive“. But really it’s just part of Fergie’s marketing for his new book, Leading. And is the news a revelation? Not really, no.
Sir Alex Ferguson would have stayed on as the most successful manager in English football history, but for the death of his wife Cathy’s twin sister, Bridget Robertson, which persuaded him to retire to be by her side.
Says the great manager:
“I definitely would have carried on. I saw she [Lady Cathy Ferguson] was watching television one night, and she looked up at the ceiling. I knew she was isolated. “Her and Bridget were twins, you know?… When I told her this time I was going to retire she had no objection whatsoever. I knew she wanted me to do it.”
And that’s it.
In his last autobiography, Sir Alex told readers why he left Manchester United:
The seeds of my decision to step down had been planted in the winter of 2012. Around Christmas- time the thought became sharp and clear in my head: ‘I’m going to retire.’ ‘Why are you going to do that?’ Cathy said. ‘Last season, losing the title in the last game, I can’t take another one like that,’ I told her. ‘I just hope we can win the League this time and reach the Champions League or FA Cup final. It would be a great ending.’ Cathy, who had lost her sister Bridget in October, and was struggling to come to terms with that bereavement, soon agreed it was the right course. Her take was that if I wanted to do other things with my life I would still be young enough.
Contractually I was obliged to notify the club by 31 March if I was going to stand down that summer. By coincidence David Gill had called me one Sunday in February and asked if he could come to see me at home. A Sunday afternoon? ‘I bet he’s resigning as chief executive,’ I said. ‘Either that or you’re getting sacked,’ Cathy said. David’s news was that he would be standing down as chief executive at the end of the season. ‘Bloody hell, David,’ I said. And I told him that I had reached the same decision. In the days that followed, David rang to tell me to expect a call from the Glazers. When it came I assured Joel Glazer that my decision had nothing to do with David relinquishing day-to-day control. My mind had been made up over Christmas, I told him. I explained the reasons. Cathy’s sister dying in October had changed our lives. Cathy felt isolated. Joel understood. We agreed to meet in New York, where he tried to talk me out of retiring. I told him I appreciated the effort he was making and thanked him for his support. He expressed his gratitude for all my work. With no prospect of a change in my thinking, the discussion turned to who might replace me.
…
One great difficulty, in the days around the announcement, was telling the staff at Carrington, our training ground. I particularly remember mentioning the changes in my life and Cathy’s sister dying, and hearing a sympathetic, ‘Aaah.’
Not quite the revelation it’s billed as, then.
Posted: 19th, September 2015 | In: Books, manchester united, Sports | Comment
Chelsea bitch: Mourinho denies calling Dr Eva Carneiro the ‘daughter of a whore’
Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho called Chelsea team doctor Eva Carneiro a “daughter of a whore” claims a complaint now being investigated by the Football Association.
Mourinho says he did not say “filha da puta”. He says he said “filho da puta’”, which means ‘son of a bitch’.
The Mail says “the complainant has provided video footage and, based on the expertise of a ‘native Portuguese speaker’, insists Mourinho has directed the feminine version of the insult at Gibraltar-born Carneiro.”
Mourinho was upset when Dr Eva Carneiro and Chelsea physio John Fearn raced onto the field to treat Eden Hazard during the closing stages of Chelsea’s opening Premier League game against Swansea.
The BBC’s Ben Smith notes:
FA regulations state that players and coaches can be penalised for using “offensive, insulting or abusive language and/or gestures”. Aggravating circumstances, such as the use of sexist language, can lead to a minimum five-match ban, if the accused is found guilty.
Jason Burt adds:
Chelsea team doctor Eva Carneiro did not report for work on Friday despite being told to do so by the Premier League club. Carneiro, who was banned from being on the Chelsea bench after being criticized by manager Jose Mourinho, has not been seen at the club’s Cobham training ground since the incident during the league match at home to Swansea City on August 8… Jon Fearn, the Chelsea physio, has continued to work during the intervening weeks although he has not, yet, been reinstated to bench duties. It is understood that Carneiro may have acted on legal advice and decided to stay away on Friday despite the club’s request.
The rest of us can wonder what’s worse, being the daughter of a whore or the son of a bitch?
Posted: 18th, September 2015 | In: Chelsea, Sports | Comment
Manchester United: Luke Shaw wants us to see this gruesome photo of his broken leg (probably NSFW)
Manchester United’s Luke Shaw will have a second operation on his broken leg. Shaw, currently being treated at Holland’s St Anna Ziekenhuis, broke his right leg in two places during United’s 2-1 Champions’ League defeat away to PSV Eindhoven.
Shaw’s tibia and fibula were fractured in a tackle from Héctor Moreno (who was later named man of the match. Roy Keane, the former United captain, called it a “brilliant challenge”. Moreno has expressed his regret at the injury and visited Shaw in hospital.)
Shaw has posted this photo of his hideous wound for us to see:
Next time a rugby fans tells you footballers are soft, laugh at him.
Posted: 18th, September 2015 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment
Arsenal: Gunners seek new medical marvel
What with Arsenal’s players generally being made of warm chocolate, it shouldn’t come as much surprise that the Gunners’ poor physio hasn’t enjoyed a day of leisure in quite some time.
In fact, it’s been posited that Colin Lewin (cousin of England physio Gary) hasn’t had a single day off work in over a decade as a direct result of Arsenal’s myriad injury woes.
Despite being contractually obliged to 28 days holiday per annum, Lewin has powered through for 10 solid years – his monstrous workload caused, in varying degrees, by serial crock-odiles Jack Wilshere, Abou Diaby, Theo Walcott and Aaron Ramsey.
According to The Sun’s Dream Team FC, for the past four years, Lewin has only been allowed to leave the Emirates on two occasions: “Christmas Day in 2013 and one afternoon last spring after he collapsed from exhaustion.”
A particularly talkative friend of Lewin supposedly revealed thus:
I haven’t seen Colin in person for years. I thought he might make my birthday early this month but he was worried Wilshere’s leg was going to fall off.
When Diaby left I thought Colin might get to see more of his friends and family. But what with Debuchy, Rosicky and Wilshere, I’m not sure when he’ll be free again, if ever.
The report goes on to suggest that Lewin only has time for “just one meal a day and sleeps only three hours a night in a dark corner of Arsenal’s medical room.”
Arsenal have also apparently been advertising for a physio’s assistant since 2007 but “as of the time of writing there have been no applicants”.
Which is likely bollocks, but mildly entertaining nonetheless.
Posted: 18th, September 2015 | In: Arsenal, Sports | Comment
Arsenal balls: Ozil’s move to a ‘Euro Giant’ and something about Fenerbahce
Mesut Ozil is a terrific player for Arsenal and Germany. And according to the Metro, he’s thinking of leaving the Gunners:
Bought from Real Madrid for £42m, can it be that Ozil hankers for something bigger than Arsenal?
We take the bait and click the story.
Those Euro giants are…Turkey’s Fenerbahce.
Why on earth would a player in the prome of his playing life leave Arsenal to play in Turkey?
Mesut Ozil could join boyhood club Fenerbahce if he decides to leave Arsenal at the end of the season, according to the player’s agent.
Boyhood club? Ozil is German. He has never played for Fenerbahce. Ozil is of Turkish descent, but he has always been committed to Germany.
The midfielder was born in Germany but his family are Turkish and he’s admitted in the past that he was a big Fenerbahce fan when he was growing up.
What says Ozil’s agent, Erkut Sogut to Turkey’s Vatan?
“We will see what happens at the end of the season but if he were to leave (then) Fenerbahce would be an option. At the end of the day it is a huge club and I think Ozil would say yes to an offer if it came down to it but it is way too early to start talking about transfers.”
Not quite. What he said was that Fenerbahce are “one of Turkey’s biggest clubs”.
To which the Express says:
Arsenal to receive ‘serious’ bid for Mesut Ozil next summer – agent
Over in Vatan we read that the agent’s words were triggetrd not by the player stating any desire to play in Turkey, rather by Fenerbahce president Aziz Yildirim making it know that he loves Ozil and the player’s Mr 15% then stirring the pot.
Liverpool: Jurgen Klopp is ‘waiting for Bayern Munich’ who aren’t waiting for him
Jurgen Klopp would be a good fit for Liverpool. But the Daily Mail says the German is “ready to snub Premier League to replace Pep Guardiola at Bayern Munich”. To which you have to wonder, are Bayern Munich ready for Klopp, who managed rivals Borussia Dortmund and has stated a desire to look for a “project“.
Sami Mokbel has the news for Daily Mail readers:
Jurgen Klopp wants to ascertain his chances of landing the Bayern Munich job before considering a switch to England.
Says who?
Sources claim Klopp is actively plotting his next move and is keeping his options open knowing the managerial landscape will change over the weeks and months of the season.
How can he actively plot anything in the knowledge things change? Is Mokbel seriously suggesting Bayern will sack Guardiola – and that the Spaniard will be sacked before the Liverpool board calls time on Brendan Rodgers time at Anfield?
But it is understood Klopp is keen to discover where he stands in Bayern’s list of potential replacements for Pep Guardiola before making a decision on his future.
Go that? If Klopp is at, say, number, 3 on that list, say, will he sit tight and wait? What about number 2, or number 9 or number 312? What is his plot?
Mokbel than gets to the only fact of his entire article:
Guardiola’s long-term future is unclear with his contract due to expire at the end of the season.
PS: Back in April 2015, Franz Beckenbauer, Bayern’s honorary president told Sky Germany:
“Of course I could imagine Klopp as Guardiola’s successor. When I was president, we often talked about Klopp and believe he would fit very well at Bayern. Klopp is definitely an option at Bayern. The question is, how long Guardiola will be in Munich. I hope for a long time, but Klopp would be considered….
“I can’t imagine Guardiola would leave in 2016. He likes Munich. He has had success with the team and he knows that he can succeed in the future. He has everything he wants.”
To which Klopp said: “I couldn’t care less what is said about me.”
Posted: 17th, September 2015 | In: Liverpool, Sports | Comments (2)
Arsenal: Arteta and the case of the vanishing Chelsea blues
The Times has news on Arsenal ahead of the weekend’s match at Chelsea:
Arsenal not confident for Chelsea clash, Arteta says
Adding:
Arsenal not confident for Chelsea clash, Mikel Arteta concedes
Arsenal are fresh from defeat to Dynamo Zagreb. They take on Chelsea this Saturday. It’s pretty incredible for the Arsenal captain to do down his side’s chances, especially when they are higher than Chelsea in the Premier League table.
It is, of course, all balls. What he actually said was:
“It doesn’t help, before a big game. We haven’t managed to win three games in a row, which is very important. We had two in the pocket [after Newcastle and Stoke] and wanted a good result in Zagreb. We have to react quickly. We’re quite good at that. We’ve done it in the past. Saturday will be a very different game. It’s a big game, we have to react. We’re upset and we have to react. Sometimes when you have disappointment in the body it’s good because you find a good reaction.”
In other words: Arenal confident ahead of Chelsea match, says Arteta.
And he has more to say:
“First we have to recover the best we can and start to prepare for the game because we only have 48 hours. It is a new day, a time to be positive and take good things into the next game because we can beat Chelsea.”
So when did Arteta concede anything?
Posted: 17th, September 2015 | In: Arsenal, Sports | Comment
Chelsea Things: Hazard Misses, Mourinho on ‘drugs’, Loftus-Cheek’s ‘immaculate’ yellow card
Chelsea Things: Chelsea beat the mighty Maccabi Tel Aviv 4-0 at Stamford Bridge last night, causing the journalisomobile to crank up it’s “Things We Learnt‘ SEO-driven device.
The Sun.
The paper says Eden Hazard should have scored a penalty and:
A change of haircut for Jose Mourinho has brought about a much-needed change of luck for the Portuguese man of war.
It’s all about the hair. Who knew?
And Mourinho likes winning – who knew that?
He’s been far too mean and moody of late but maybe he’s about to become all magnificent again.
The Daily Mail.
Jose Mourinho’s in a bad mood – OK, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work that one out.
Sami Mokbel also ‘learned’ that Diego Costa scored:
Maybe his goal will spark him into life. Mourinho and Chelsea will hope so.
You think?
He also learned something about Reuben Loftus-Cheek:
…he was fortunate not to be punished for sloppily giving the ball away in his own half, referee Felix Zwayer blowing for an earlier foul. Likewise, he was on tenterhooks for pretty much the entire game after picking up a second-minute booking.
The Evening Standard
It learned that Mourinho “looked like a man with more enthusiasm than ever”. The London paper also learned that the aforesaid “fortunate” Loftus-Cheek – who was booked very early on – played “immaculately“.
The Independent
The Indy employs Jack Pitt-Brooke to tell readers that “Loftus-Cheek played immaculately“.
He also tells us that Mourinho needs the “drug” of competition:
Indy
That’s a lot like the ‘Five Things We Learned’ balls attached to Tom Sheen’s Standard story:
Standard
We’ve learned that the papers have the same owner.
The Telegraph
Matt Law learned:
Chelsea scored countless goals on the way to the Premier League title thanks to the telepathy that exists between Fabregas and Costa.
Diego Costa: 20 goals
Cesc Fabregas: 18 assists
We’ve learned that you can count goals and assists.
Such are the facts.
Posted: 17th, September 2015 | In: Chelsea, Sports | Comment
Arsenal Things: Cech beats Ospina, ‘omnishambles’ Gibbs is England’s saviour, Walcott can score
Arsenal lose 2-1 in Croatia to Dinamo Zagreb, causing the journalisomobile to crank up it’s “Things We Learnt‘ SEO-driven device.
The Sun has ‘Five Things We Learned’ from Arsenal’s defeat.
Olivier Giroud should be sorry for getting a red card; Petr Cech is better than David Ospina- who knew?; and the pick of the bunch:
Kieran Gibbs began like he had something to prove. But did he do enough to dislodge Nacho Monreal for good?
Dunno. Did he? So much for leaning things.
The Daily Telegraph also learned five things. Alistair Tweedale has them in detail:
Olivier Giroud is not scoring as many as Theo Walcott; Arsene Wenger “needs to get his teamtalks right”; and “Gibbs is capable of winning his spot back at club level” –
Gibbs gives timely reminder of England depth – 24 hours after Luke Shaw suffered a double fracture of his right leg while on Champions League duty, Arsenal left-back Kieran Gibbs was given what is now a rare start on this European night, and he gave Roy Hodgson a much-needed reminder as to the extent of his options in that position.
Gibbs boasts an impressive reading of the game and in making four tackles and four interceptions in just 65 minutes he not only did much defensive work but also sparked Arsenal moves forward, too…Gibbs is capable of winning his spot back at club level and could ease Hodgson’s concerns ahead of Euro 2016 –
But the pick is:
England should be worried about their Uefa ranking
Tweedale reasons that if English clubs don’t beat foreign clubs in ranking European competitions the Premier League will be seen as not being as good as foreign leagues. The good thing about this item is that the Telegraph can repeat it whenever a Premier League team loses.
The Mirror also has learned five things:
Alex Richards has them.
He learns that “Really good teams… get ahead, hold on, maybe pinch a late second/third goal and waltz into the night with three points… Arsenal are NOT one of those sides.”
Which is why they lost 2-1 in a match in which they never held the lead.
After learning that Arenal did not score first – Zagreb did through an own goal – Richards also looks at Gibbs.
Out of position often, weak in the challenge, lacking urgency going forwards or back and pathetic… It was an omnishambles of a performance from a 25-year-old (26 in 10 days), who is seemingly no further along in his development than when making his Premier League bow seven years ago.
All facts. All things we learned.
Chelsea: the media find and expert in banterology
Chelsea’s ban on banter has given us all a laugh. And as a player walks past John Terry sand says “nice hair” in a not-at-all-sarcastic manner, the Daily Mirror invites banterologist, Professor Mark Griffiths of the psychology department at Nottingham Trent, to explain the science of banning bantz:
“Chelsea have made a horrific start but there’s no evidence to suggest that banter is to blame.”
What about slapstick?
“Mourinho is feeling the pressure and is clutching at straws. He’s deflecting from the key issues and looking for excuses … [banter] creates a sense of belonging and gives groups an element of control in the workplace. Unless the person enforcing it is around 24/7, then it will go on anyway.”
Well, he is the expert.
Posted: 16th, September 2015 | In: Chelsea, Sports | Comment
Spurs and Chelsea: London clubs plans to share Wembley a ‘spoiling tactic’
Can Tottenham and Chelsea share Wembley Stadium while their respective stadiums are being renovated?
The Daily Mail says “desperate Spurs are losing ground in battle with Premier League rivals Chelsea in bid to relocate to Wembley”.
And:
“Spurs’ spoiling tactics have included making clear they would be happy to share with their London rivals.”
Spoiling tactics?
Spurs’ spoiling tactics have included making clear they would be happy to share with their London rivals, despite the regular Wembley calendar making that a non-starter.
That’s odd because on September 10, the Mail said:
Chelsea and Tottenham could share Wembley while they build new stadiums…
Football Association chief executive Martin Glenn has backed plans for both to use Wembley, even though that could mean the two doing so at the same time…
And while it is possible both clubs could play at Wembley without overlapping, the FA boss said he was happy to entertain the idea of them sharing the ground to boost profitability.
So much for sharing the ground being a “non-starter”.
Posted: 16th, September 2015 | In: Chelsea, Sports, Spurs | Comments (2)
Manchester United: Luke Shaw cries in the changing room
Thoughts are with Manchester United’s Luke Shaw, who suffered a double fracture to his right leg in last night Champions’ League match in Eindhoven. (The match finished 2-1 to the Dutch.)
The Sun says Shaw was injured by a “reckless tackle” by PSV’s Mexican defender Hector Moreno. The referee deemed the tackle fair.
Manchester United manger Louis Van Gaal disagrees with the official:
“You can judge for yourself, but when I say it’s a penalty and a red card, I am a bad loser. Every word is interpreted in the wrong way, but it was a very bad tackle with two legs.”
Van Gaal is then invited to assess the extent of the damage:
“I am not a doctor but when you have a double fracture it is six months and he will not play in the group phase. I hope he can play again this season.”
Posted: 16th, September 2015 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment
Manchester United: Watch Memphis Depay’s goal against PSV
Memphis Depay said he’d celebrate should he score against his former club, PSV, in the Champions’ League. Well, he scored for Manchester United. And he celebrated. No po-faced look for inner turmoil for Depay. Good.
Score a goal and go nuts. The fans can take it:
Posted: 15th, September 2015 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment
Liverpool: El-Hadji Diouf says Stephen Gerrard ‘doesn’t like black people’
El-Hadji Diouf has snapped back at Steven Gerrard in the wake of comments the former Liverpool captain made in his new autobiography about the gob-happy Senegalese forward and his general conduct during his ill-fated stint at Anfield.
For the unaware, Gerrard accused ex-teammate Diouf of having “no real interest in football” and “caring nothing for Liverpool” in his latest tome, My Story, also adding that the way Diouf spat a “huge globule of gunky phlegm” at a Celtic fan during a UEFA Cup match in 2003 summed up his “contemptuous and spiteful demeanour”.
Gerrard writes:
A few people have since asked me if I saw any comparison between Diouf and Mario Balotelli – and I’ve always said no. I’ve got respect for Balotelli; I’ve got none for Diouf.
Well, it looks like things are about to get unnecessarily ugly, with Diouf responding to Gerrard’s criticism by making some potentially serious allegations to Portuguese radio station Radio Future Média:
We all saw how he made life difficult for Mario Balotelli at Liverpool. I warned him. Liverpool isn’t a team that accepts black people unless they are English. It’s common knowledge. Gerrard has never liked black people. When I was at Liverpool, I showed him I was black, that I wasn’t English, but that I’m no pushover. All the time I was there, he never dared looked me in the eye.
With the accusations of racism out of the way, Diouf went on to suggest that Gerrard is simply jealous of his glorious achievements:
Gerrard is just jealous. What I have done in football, he did not. When I came to Liverpool, I came up with the status of boss and he lives there. I am respected in world football, the greatest football experts have appointed me among the seven best players in the World Cup, the top 100 players of the century.
Everywhere I go out of my country, they worship me. Wherever he goes outside his city of Liverpool, he will be insulted.
Feel free to make your own minds up people.
We’re just not feeling up to getting involved with this one.
Posted: 15th, September 2015 | In: Liverpool, Sports | Comment (1)
Arsenal balls: who is the ‘star’ player happy to leave Chelsea and join the Gunners?
In “Arsenal star: Leaving Chelsea to join Gunners was ‘happiest day of my life‘”, Daily Express readers meet,well, who? Who is the Arsenal “star” who left Chelsea?
A look through the current Arsenal first team squad reveals that a single one of them has ever played for Chelsea. That’s Petr Cech. Was it the happiest day of the Chelsea great’s life when he left the Blues to join Arsenal?
No.
The “star” is Edward Nketiah? And this words were not told to the Express, but to Arsenal.com – which the paper does not cite as its source.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 15th, September 2015 | In: Arsenal, Chelsea, Sports | Comment
Liverpool balls: Rafa Benitez has Steven Gerrard’s number in phone call spat
Steven Gerrard has told us about his gashed penis, how he bleeds Liverpool red and “hates” Manchester United. Now Gerrard uses his new book to reveal his thoughts on former Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez.
“I can pick up the phone and speak to all of my previous Liverpool managers, except for Rafa. It’s a shame because we shared the biggest night of our careers – the 2005 Champions League victory in Istanbul – yet there is no bond between us.”
Benitez, now manager of Real Madrid, has responded:
“I have read the quotes and I believe he is wrong because what we have to do is enjoy. And out of the respect that I have for Stevie and for the value and appreciation I have for him, and for Liverpool and the supporters I think it’s best to just let it pass.”
That’s a dignified response from a man who has thrived in the hotbed of top-flight football management – and whose family still live in the Liverpool area.
But Rafa had one more thing to say:
“He has brought out a book and now I’m the Real Madrid manager, that sells.”
Wonder what Rafa will have to say when his own book hits the shelves?
Posted: 15th, September 2015 | In: Books, Liverpool, Sports | Comment
Liverpool: Klopp wants the job if Rodgers is sacked
Is Jurgen Klopp heading to Liverpool? German nespaper Bild says the former Borussia Dortmund manager is interested in replacing the verbose and smug Brendan Rodgers at Anfield.
Under Rodgers, Liverpool are directionless and uninspiring. What is the plan? What is the pattern? Rodgers is operating under a cloud. The fans are losing their faith in the manager. There is a sense that he will leave sooner rather than later.
Klopp actually says nothing to Bild. But his ‘friends’ do. The affable German has already rejected the chance to manage Zenit St. Petersburg and Olympique Marseille. Liverpool would be a great fit.
Posted: 15th, September 2015 | In: Liverpool, Sports | Comments (5)
Media Balls: Tevez and Bony replace Aguero in Manchester City team
Update for anyone who gets their news in the Metro: Carlos Tevez is not playing for Manchester City in their Champions’ League match with Juventus, for whom he also does no longer play for.
Chelsea: Mourinho bans banter but everyone else is laughing
How can Chelsea get their season back on track? The Telegraph knows. It says Jose Mourinho and his players have banned “all banter“.
The punishment for making a joke or – god forbid – making someone laugh is not stated, but insiders have not ruled out a stint of quiet time in Jose’s laundry basket.
In the wrong hands, banter can be just a chance to insult and ridicule someone. And when does banter become irritating? Was Mourinho bantering when he compared Dr Eva Carneiro to a secretary? Was it classic bantz to yell “fucking hell” when Mourinho was told to attend press conference post Everton defeat? Is Branislav Ivanovic a walking banteriser or is he more slapstick?
Much to talk about in sombre tones at Stamford Bridge – although players with a more absurdist sense of humour will be pointing at the Telegraph’s balls and laughing hard.
Posted: 15th, September 2015 | In: Chelsea, Sports | Comment
Manchester United: Depay will celebrate with joy against PSV
Louis Van Gaal has been talking ahead of Manchester United’s return to the Champions’ League:
“I think the fans shall see a Manchester United who fight for their chances but we have to show on the pitch if we are able to win matches at the highest level and that’s also a challenge for us now. “Last year we were fourth in the Premier League and now we have to show if we are able to play at this level. I don’t know either, we just have to wait and see, because I think the Champions League is a higher podium than the Premier League, but maybe it is not like that.”
On Memphis Depay:
“I have to be patient with Memphis and so do the fans. You can’t demand at 19, 20 or 21 that players are consistent. You have to accept that. The Premier League is very different to play [in than the Eredivisie] and Memphis is seeing that and feeling that.”
One good thing about Depay is that the should the former PSV player score against his old club, he won’t go all po-faced, bow his head and out of respect turn the delight at scoring a goal into a monkish test of spirit and control:
“Of course I have respect for PSV but I play for Manchester United now so if I score I will celebrate.”
Please do. One of the worst thing about modern football is the returning player’s refusal to celebrate the joy of scoring a goal. Fans aren’t all idiots. We get it. Score and go bonkers. We would.
Posted: 15th, September 2015 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment
Manchester United: the Daily Mail’s obsession with Wing’s restaurant
Does the Daily Mail have a deal with Manchester eatery Wing’s? Today the paper says:
“Manchester United star Anthony Martial trades pub for restaurant as he samples popular footballers’ haunt Wing’s with wife Samantha and baby daughter.”
Footballer eats! It’s news in the Mail.
August 30:
Kevin De Bruyne celebrates all but confirmed £52m move to Manchester City with meal at Chinese restaurant Wing’s
August 10:
Manchester United’s Memphis Depay arrives at Wing’s Chinese restaurant following the game against Spurs
August 8:
Van Gaal was spotted heading to popular Chinese restaurant Wing’s with his wife Truus in Manchester city centre.
July 30:
Everton new boy Tom Cleverley back at Manchester United favourite Wing’s for night out with wife Georgina
July 6:
Coleen and Wayne Rooney continued to spend time with the ones they love in Manchester on Sunday. With their young sons, Kai, five, and Klay, two, in tow, the couple were in good spirits as they headed home after a meal at Wing’s Restaurant.
April 13:
Toni Duggan apologises for photo with Louis van Gaal at Wing’s restaurant after Manchester United’s derby win over City
April 13:
Wing’s Chinese restaurant is the go-to place for Manchester’s footballers and celebrities… so, what is it about the venue that attracts so many stars?
April 12:
Louis van Gaal thanks fans for patience and says ‘It’s great to be a supporter of Manchester United right now!’ as he prepares for celebration Chinese meal
Feb 27:
Wayne Rooney and wife Coleen dine out at Manchester restaurant Wing’s Chinese
Feb 18:
Wayne Rooney celebrates the Chinese New Year at Wing’s
Feb 10:
England captain Wayne Rooney could not stop smiling after a traffic warden left a ticket on his £100,000 silver Range Rover outside his favourite Chinese restaurant in Manchester.
Feb 10:
Wayne Rooney poses with dragon as Manchester United and England captain learns about Chinese New Year during Wing’s Restaurant promotional campaign
Wing’s prmotional campaign seems to be a regular feature in the Mail.
Posted: 14th, September 2015 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment
Liverpool balls: Norwich City are always rubbish in the dial-in Premier League
The Premier League is a predictable, dull affair. Take former Liverpool player Danny Murphy talking about the Reds to the BBC:
This is a big season for Liverpool and for Rodgers…
It’s a big season for every club.
The fixture list has not been kind to Rodgers with trips to Emirates Stadium and Old Trafford in Liverpool’s first five games but now they have two home games against Norwich and Aston Villa.
Every team plays every other team home and away.
It is never quite as easy as it looks on paper, but two home games against teams in the bottom half of the table are exactly what Liverpool need and I think they will go for the jugular against Norwich – look to dominate and score goals.
Danny, this is the League table:
Norwich are above Liverpool.
Sad that the Premier League is such a procession of the richest clubs rising to the top that teams like Norwich and their accomplishments can be so easily dismissed.
Posted: 14th, September 2015 | In: Liverpool, Sports | Comment (1)
Chelsea balls: ‘calm’ Mourinho swears at delighted Everton manager
Chelsea have four points from five Premier League games and the world is at its end. The media have created a storm from what is surely a blip before normal service is resumed and bigger spending teams, of which Chelsea is one, rise up the Premier League table.
The media are focused on Jose Mourinho, Chelsea’s talented and irritating manager.
Yesterday the Sunday Times, wondered why Jose was so calm:
One day on and the Sun has more on that calm:
What did he say about the likeable and measured Roberto Martínez after losing 3-1 to Everton at Goodison Park? The action begins as a member of Everton’s security staff direct Mourinho to the press room. Mourinho instead heads for Martínez:
JM: Roberto next time tell me [to] go before you because we have to travel.
RM: We don’t control that José, I don’t control that.”
JM: Fucking hell
Not exactly raging at Martinez, is he? It’s more a cry of despair, a man losing his cool.
Martinez nails Mourinho:
“When he beat us 6-3 he was such a nice man.”
Oomph!
Posted: 14th, September 2015 | In: Chelsea, Sports | Comment
Liverpool balls: Stephen Gerrard gets a gash on his penis in Bournemouth
Nice tackle
In today’s extract from Stephen Gerrard autobiography, the Daily Mail shares this anecdote with readers:
“The magic of the FA Cup was bloodied on the day my penis was cut and then stitched shut on an unromantic afternoon in Bournemouth last year. It was eye-watering. I tried to close down a winger to block his cross but felt a stinging in my privates. I thought, ‘S*** — that doesn’t feel right!’ It was stinging like f***. The gash looked pretty bad, right across the middle. There was plenty of blood. I needed four stitches and the lads were absolutely p*ssing themselves. You can imagine the jokes about inches and stitches and my future performances at home.”
File under: ball control.
Posted: 13th, September 2015 | In: Books, Liverpool, Reviews, Sports | Comment
