Posts Tagged ‘liverpool’
Rafa Benitez And Liverpool FC Present Strictly Come Dancing
RAFA Benitez and Liverpool football club present Strictly Come Dancing – Anorak’s look at manager’s moving in the Premier League, with Sam Aladyce (Blackburn Ballroomers), Harry Redknapp (Tottenham Hotsteps), Carlo Ancelotti (Chelse Cha-Chas) and Phil Brown (Hull Hoofers)…
How Gordon Brown Fixed It For Chelsea To Beat Liverpool
CHELSEA beat Liverpool 2-0 to go top of the Premier League, and Anorak uncovers their secret weapon: Gordon Brown.
Brown was there:
When England were knocked out of the 2006 World Cup against Portugal
When they lost 2-1 at Wembley against Germany
When Scotland lost to Italy
When England lost the rugby World Cup final.
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Posted: 4th, October 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment
Liverpool Captain Steven Gerrard Found Not Guilty
STEVEN Gerrard has been cleared of attacking a barman in a Merseyside bar.
The Liverpool captain has been found not guilty of affray.
More to follow…
Posted: 24th, July 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (5)
Baboons Attack Tourists In Liverpool
TO Knowsley Safari Park, Merseyside, where the locals are breaking into car rooftop luggage boxes with a number of families having to watch helplessly as hairy hands grabbed their clothes and vanished up the park’s trees with them.
Says one baboon:
“Hey, mister. Mind yer car for yous? C’Mon Liverpool! Me uncle used to go to school with Ringo Starr…”
Posted: 21st, July 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comments (8)
Gareth Barry Signs For Manchester City
GARETH Bary has signed for Manchester City from Aston Villa for £12m.
Says the BBC’s hack:
Barry has spent his entire career at Villa, playing over 400 games for the Midlands outfit and scoring 52 goals.
Aston Villa signed from Brighton and Hove Albion in 1997.
Football flashback: Liverpool fans taunt Man Utd with ill-advised banner
UNITED fans: “We’re back! What, you didn’t think we’d forget about the banner you paraded in 1994?”
For sale: Liverpool FC mobile phone, only £14,490
UNLIKE investment bankers, Premier League footballers are, sadly, recession proof. So yhey are now the only people who can afford to buy this special edition Liverpool FC mobile phone.
Only 250 of the phones have been made. Each of the 18-carat gold handsets is studded with 18 diamonds, in honour of Liverpool’s 18 league titles. It costs a frankly ridiculous £14,490. Yes, you read that right.
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Posted: 23rd, April 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
Liverpool goalkeeper laughs during Hillsborough memorial
LIVERPOOL’S reserve goalkeeper, Charles Indatje (pictured), has incurred the wrath of his club after being caught laughing during the service to commemorate the Hillsborough disaster.
Indatje, who is French, will now be sold off in the summer, and forever face the boos of irate Scousers – quite right too. What’s the French for faux pas? Oh…
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Posted: 17th, April 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
Culture Secretary Andy Burnham heckled by Liverpool fans at Hillsborough tribute
ANDY Burnham, the Culture Secretary, was heckled as he read out a government statement during the memorial service to commemorate the 20th anniversary of the Hillsborough disaster, in which 96 Liverpool supporters died.
A majority of the fans inside Anfield chanted “Justice for the 96!” in reference to the fact that no police officer – or anyone, in fact – has ever been prosecuted for their role in the tragedy.
Watch the video below…
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Posted: 17th, April 2009 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Champions League quarter final draw
Here’s how the balls came out, so to speak:
Villarreal v Arsenal
Manchester United v FC Porto
Liverpool v Chelsea
Barcelona v Bayern Munich
(The winner of Villarreal v Arsenal will play the winner of Man Utd v Porto in one semi final, which means you don’t have to be a genius to guess what happens in the other side of the draw).
The Anorak verdict:
Not Liverpool v Chelsea again, please! – that was about the only requisite for this draw, and Uefa f**ked it up. We all know from previous experience that when those two teams meet in Europe they cancel each other out and you end up with football that no one wants to watch, not even some fans of the two clubs. What is this, like the 50th time they’ve met in the CL in the last few seasons. Almost, or that’s how it feels. For the record, Chelsea will pull off a minor shock by knocking out Liverpool.
The other English teams, Man Utd and Arsenal, must be very content to have drawn the so-called weaker teams left. United will surely be too strong for Porto, and Arsenal – who are getting stronger as the season goes on, albeit too late for their league chances – have more than a fighting chance of getting past Villarreal.
Posted: 20th, March 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
FAIL! Man Utd warm-up singer has undesired effect
ANORAK has discovered the real reason why Man Utd were stuffed at home by arch rivals Liverpool…
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Posted: 17th, March 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (3)
Liverpool crush the meringues of Madrid (with video evidence)
LIVERPOOL made Real Madrid look like a non-league outfit last night. Anorak has never seen the mighty meringues of Real take such a beating.
Fair play to Rafa Benitez for switching up his tactics. Liverpool didn’t have to attack after the first leg win in Spain but his team simply blitzed Real from the first minute. Were it not for Iker Casillas, Liverpool might have won by six or seven goals.
Full video highlights after the jump (Juventus v Chelsea too)
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Posted: 11th, March 2009 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Rafa Benitez 1, Rick Parry 0
LIVERPOOL’S Fat Spanish Waiter (aka Rafa Benitez) has got his way at last. The club’s pesky chief executive, Rick Parry, is standing down at the end of the season, leaving Rafa totally free to manage every aspect of what happens on the pitch – that is his job, after all. Cue evil laugh by Rafa. Muah ha ha ha etc.
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Top 10 Fernando Torres adverts
WHEN Fernando Torres is not scoring goals for Liverpool (something he’s not done enough of this season), he loves nothing more than to spend a relaxing day in a studio, making TV commercials. He’ll sell anything, will Nando. Here’s ten of his finest moments as a corporate ho…
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Liverpool fans taunt Everton rivals… with socks
DURING last night’s 1-0 defeat to Everton in the FA Cup, some Liverpool fans threw socks onto the pitch. Well, it’s safer than coins or cigarette lighters.
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Liverpool And Everton’s Bad Advert For ITV Football
TO last night Everton v Liverpool FA Cup thrillers and we go live! to an advert break with the scores at 1-0.
VW Golf… to Directory Enquires… on to Dyson…intercepted by Oxoo Cubes…. taken up by Tic-Tac…. Refereee!!!!
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Posted: 5th, February 2009 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Steven Gerrard Chaged With Assault
ENGLAND footballer Steven Gerrard has been charged with assault and affray following an alleged nightclub brawl.
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Posted: 30th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (4)
Steven Gerrard Arrested
STEVEN Gerrard, captain of Liverpool football club, has been arrested the morning after a fight in a bar in Southport.
Says Gerrrad: Theladgonein and youknowthatattherednoftheday itwas youknowallbeingsaid youknow fairandIneverdived honestyouknow just ask anyofmematesand you know…
Posted: 29th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
Mark Lawrenson Predicts Robbie Keane To Win Golden Boot
“LAWR-DOH,” screams the Sun’s back page as Mark Lawrenson has been “left red faced by a hugely embarrassing on-air gaffe that has enraged Liverpool fans”.
What’s he done to upset the famously stoic Liverpudlians?
Nodding his head on Today FM, Lawrenson reveals:
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Posted: 17th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Weekend picks: Haka beats Morris Dance, and other predictions
Anorak has looked in the office crystal ball. The horror! The horror!
ALL BLACKS over England – Martin Johnson’s boys will struggle to face the haka without running back to the dressing room and hiding in the showers, so we don’t give them much of a chance in the actual game. They may contain the Kiwis for half an hour, but by the end the scoreboard will make messy reading for all those Telegraph-reading investment bankers at Twickers. Shame.
MAN UTD over Man City – In which the richest – although not the best – club in Manchester meets the Premier League champions. Despite the health of their bank balance, City aren’t in Man Yoo’s league… yet. United to win 3-1.
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Posted: 29th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
Liverpool Has A Brick With Gary Glitter’s Name On It
GARY Glitter’s name is on a brick, literally.
There it is outside the Cavern Club, on a wall in Liverpool, in plain site of kids, mums and kids with their mums.
Says Bob Wareing, Liverpool MP:
“The brick should be removed from the wall and destroyed – it is causing an outrage.”
Finding anyone to do the job won’t be easy. And then the builder needs to be a trustworthy sort who will not hand the brick to Glitter, perhaps via his car or house window (rego and address on application), nor use the sick brick in a housing estate, so letting entire families sleep on Gary Glitter.
Posted: 13th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Liverpool Teaches Rest Of UK How To Dodge Paying Rent
TO Liverpool, where signs advertising “rent dodger lives here” are going up outside homes.
Neil Heffey, of estate agent Sutton Estates, based in Anfield, tells the Liverpool Daily Post:
“They can avoid us, but not their neighbours. Now, every time they walk in and out of their door, the neighbours will be laughing at them.”
Has Mr Heffey not read the tabloid press? This is Liverpool, and the neighbours will indeed be laughing as they pop over the road and while perusing catalogues for shell suits and eating baked bean sarnies bone up on rent dodging.
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Posted: 8th, October 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Headline Of The Day: Car Not Stolen In Liverpool
LIVERPOOL cannot forgive the Sun. The paper’s coverage of the 1989 Hillsborough football stadium disaster in Sheffield, where 96 people died and hundreds were injured, followed the headline: “THE TRUTH”.
The paper said fans had picked the pockets of crushed victims, that others urinated on members of the emergency services as they tried to help. They had assaulted a Police Constable “whilst he was administering the kiss of life to a patient” (19 April 1989).
Now it says:
“Man united legends’ car NOT nicked in Liverpool”
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Posted: 26th, September 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)
