Online PR here in the UK
If you’re too busy to tweet yourself, you can outsource the task and others to the woman above. She’s a clickfamer installing apps on a screen of Apple iphones. The more installs an app has the higher it ranks on Apple’s marketplace.
For a $11,000 one-off payment – plus $65,000-a-week for upkeep – you too can ensure your crappy appy hits the Top 10 of free apps. You can hire a cheat / marketeer to game the system on China’s Taobao.
The original photo was tweeted on Weibo with the caption, “Hard-working App Store ranking manipulation employee.”
Apple tries to prevent PC-based iPhone emulation programs (bots) made for this purpose and bans apps that use them, so manual labor is the best way to ensure the closest simulation of actual users.
A search for “app store ranking manipulation” (刷榜 app store) on Taobao, China’s most popular C2C ecommerce site, reveals dozens upon dozens of vendors selling similar services. Their prices are listed as one yuan, but it’s more likely that the real negotiations take place through direct chat.
Can you hire out your iPhone for the day to do this? Asking for a friend.
Blackjack is the most popular casino card game in the world because it’s fast, simple and you most likely first played it as a child. Like all games of chances, it’s odds-based. Before you play it’s vital to know these odds and how to use them. you might call it skill, but it’s just knowledge and recognising when to minimise risk. One good place to start is the Blackjack Strategy Guide at online casino 888.casino.
Helping to promote Blackjack are Ray Parlour, aka the Romford Pele, and pre-pregnant assisted-ginger Amy Chiles. Electrodes were placed on the seats of both players and one bad call resulted in the dealer pressing the buzzer and delivering shock therapy.
Parlour was cautious, as you’d expect from the former footballer whose first room-mate at Arsenal was Paul Merson. Parlour says they were “gambling every day”, but unlike his addict team-mate he never lost more than he could afford to. That’s a strategy everyone should adhere to.
The Bobby Moore Fund for Cancer Research UK and online fundraising platform Givergy are offering you the chance to be an England team mascot for the World Cup qualifiers. England will play Malta, Spain and Scotland at Wembley stadium, and every player will be accompanied by a mascot.
Bobby Moore Fund for Cancer Research UK is a charity set up by Stephanie Moore MBE in memory of the World Cup winning captain. It raises money to help with research and treatment of bowel cancer.
To be in with a chance of becoming a mascot – you must be child aged 7-11 – enter here.
For more information visit www.bobbymoorefund.org
How to Stay on Top of your Finances this Christmas
While Christmas is undoubtedly a fabulous time of year, it’s also an expensive one! Some people start planning and saving in January, let alone October, especially when they’re part of a large family with lots of gifts to buy and mouths to feed. It’s essential that, when the festive period comes around, you stay in control of what you spend and keep an eye on your finances so that you’re not suffering once it’s all done and dusted.
LILY Allen has lost her baby. Her bereavement is public property as celebs and tabloid media battle to show who cares the most on Twitter and in print. But they look noble compared to the Fertility Show’s PR team which see a marketing opportunity in a couple’s crisis:
“As Lily Allen announces her second miscarriage in just 3 years, ‘recurrent miscarriage’ is tackled by experts at this week’s Fertility Show.”
Nice. And what’s recurent miscarriage , then? Lily Allen has miscarried twice:
Recurrent miscarriage (ie when miscarriage occurs 3 or more times) is highly distressing…
PRESS Release of the day comes from a parenting club that tells us that 49% of teachers make assumptions about a child by their name. Yeah, only 49%. All that hard work endured by mum and dad as they try to name their bundle is not all that important.
Also, 57% of the teachers say the naughtier children, the Jacks and the Chardonnays, tend to be more popular with their peers than the Lionels, Hyacinths and Nevilles.
More than a third of teachers said the naughtiest pupils were often the brightest and the more sensitive; while two–thirds said they often were not.
Yeah, poker is a sport. Who knew that those slobs sat round a table counting bits of plastic were sportsmen?
The Advertising Standards Authority sees the ad and begs to differ.
The ASA tells the poker operator to take the posters down, leaving us to wonder which bit of their claim was the most ludicrous?
Germany’s national advertising council says the adverts by G&M Fleischwaren Frischdienst are degrading and anti-woman.
“Such an advert blatantly violates the council’s codes on discrimination and degradation in advertising,” says the council. “
Before the woman was line free and youthful.
After, she has a face like a camer’s scrotum in a sandstorm.
Tip: Better to use the foreskin than the scrotum, as Oprah Winfrey assures us.
According to comparison site uSwitch, the average increase in the cost of gas has been 28%, while electricity prices have shot up by 20%.
EDF defended its spending hike, saying energy had ‘moved from being a commodity to being a brand’
You’re not being fleeced for electricity. Your buying into the brand…
It turns out to be “playing FIFA ’08”, a video game that features a picture of Wayne in full rant on the cover.
After that coincidence (surely shameless plug? – ed), the NOTW then delivers one of the best non-sequiturs ever:
The TV advert says the mineral water, sold in Beijing for 1.5 yuan a bottle, is made of “high-quality water source” (优质水源).
The “high-quality water source” is also known as tap water. But there is a twist: you have to boil the wonder product before it”s safe to drink.
DAILY MIRROR: “Real victims who reduced me to tears”
Fiona Philips – ‘the woman with the whitest teeth and yellowest hair in daytime telly’ – “on GMTV heartaches and meltdowns”
Fiona Philips is fighting the tears as Helen Newlove, whose husband Garry has been murdered, is sat on the sofa to tell her story.
Tears are the new laughter.
A MAN has been beheaded on a Greyhound bus in Canada. In Canda, no-one can hear you scream. It’s like living in a chicken shed, only bigger, colder and without Jamie Oliver.
Peta, the animals rights militants have not claimed responsibility for the killing, but they are using it to further their cause. They are running an advert. It goes:
“His struggles and cries are ignored … the man with the knife shows no emotion … the victim is slaughtered and his head cut off … his flesh is eaten
“If this ad leaves a bad taste in your mouth, please give a thought to what sensitive animals think and feel when they come to the end of their frightening journey and see, hear and smell the slaughterhouse.”
CREDIT Crunch watch – making debt into a tabloid news story…
AMY Winehouse is six times more boring then the credit crunch. It’s in a survey. It’s a fact:
Stephen Waddington, managing director of Rainier PR, said: “At a time when many people are watching the pennies, it’s not surprising that the public have become tired of news about rock stars being odd, and pampered celebrities holidaying in exotic locations. The fact that Amy Winehouse is seen as six times more boring than the economy this summer illustrates this perfectly.”
Have drugs gotten cheaper yet..?
MIDGETS get work in advertising children’s toys:
NANCY Pelosi has written a book. You can buy it through Amazon. It’s called Know Your Power…
Pelosi adheres to her illiberal fascism in every aspect of her life. It seems she wields her totalitarian “fairness doctrine” far and wide. Lone Pony is reporting that she is scrubbing Amazon of bad reviews – were there any other kind?
Nancy Pelosi had over 100 BAD reviews of her failed book disappeared from Amazon’s site yesterday!
Well, Amazon is in the business of selling books. And who buys a book knowing it will be crap? Ahem – I did once buy Learning To Fly by Victoria Beckham. And it was…
Innocent Smoothies tells consumers on its website that “fruit always travels by boat or rail” because these methods use less fossil fuel than air or road transport per kilo of fruit. Customers are also told the drinks are produced in the UK.
However, the Daily Telegraph can reveal that the drinks are blended on the continent before being driven in dozens of tanker lorries hundreds of miles across Europe for bottling in the UK.
To mix the contents just so…
DIAGEO demands that YouTube remove a “fake” Guinness viral advert, in which a girl balances a bottle of the black stuff on her back during a group sex session.
The 60-second viral shows two different male hands taking the drink, which is precariously balanced on the small of the woman’s back, before another woman reaches up and grabs it.
Enjoy the marketing…
THE perfect McDonald’s pudding after this:
Spotter: Ed B.
NPower, the electricity people, want you, the Britisher Jungvolk, to inform on your mums and your dads if they disobey the rules on climate change.
Grab a gas mask, a tin hat and come closer. Baroness Young of Old Scone, head of the Environment Agency, says climate change is “World War Three”. And in zer war you want to be on the side of the good guys, right kidz? We vill take ze moral highground, and victory will be ours.
Attack the non-believer.
JUDE Law advertises a new hair restorer and aftershave by Dior…
“Tastes great” – Old Mr Anorak The Looking Younger
BAKEL Blog gets a call from eBoost’s customer service…
“Hey Roger van Backel [butchering my name with obvious relish], you are a faggot! So listen to this, queer!” [unintelligible background noise and talking, then the name ‘Roger’ again, then she hangs up]
Singleton Ogilvy & Mather, Sydney has created a 15 second TV ad supporting Earth Hour, a WWF initiative (created by Leo Burnett, Sydney) that encourages people to turn their lights off for one hour, helping reduce carbon emissions.
Did they save enough to offset the trip? It’s a round trip, right?
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann
NO word from Robert Murat in today’s tabloids. Having been awarded a load of money for being libelled, what odds the tabloids are battling to see which of them can get his interview? But with whom do they negotiate?
Back in May 2007, the Express’s front page asked: “Madeleine: Will the suspect cash in by selling his story?”
In “Maddy suspect’s PR deal” the paper says “oddball” Robert Murat was said to have contacted Max Clifford, the ubiquitous PR guru without whom no fag/shag/slag/hag/gag/lag/nag/wag ‘n’ tell story is complete.