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Cheryl Cole Has Left Ashley Cole: Full Details And Photos

colepa160706_228x156AND so it came to pass that the magazines were wrong an the tabloids were right:Cheryl Cole and Ashley Cole have split. Well, in truth he left her – she arrived home to an Ashley-free home. She will not fight, fight, fight for the love. The news round-up:

Ashley Cole’s Women (Alleged)

The press release:

Cheryl Cole is separating from her husband, Ashley Cole. Cheryl asks the media to respect her privacy during this difficult time. We have no further comment to make.

Cheryl flies home in pictures

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Posted: 23rd, February 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment

OK! Katie Price Tells Peter Andre She’s Dumping Alex Reid

peter-katie3IN this week’s OK! magazine, Peter Andre, having moved on from Katie Price, tells us that Katie Price “CALLED TO SAY SHE WAS DUMPING ALEX”. That’s Mr Toffee Crisp Alex Reid.

Alex Reid Naked (NSFW)

And this is Peter Andre, being his own man, between tears on the telly and appearing in a TV advert for his milky drinks and soggy biscuits album of love songs, in which of all the snippets to choose, his team go with sentimental Peter warbling “She’s out of my life…

In the magazine and Peter say: “I want Kate to be happy.”

Katie. Jordan. Kate. Katie Price. Katie Andre. Kate Andre. Jordan Reid… It goes on. Each of us have our own call sign for Katie Price. Anorak’s current preference is Tango & Gash. But you can make up your own.

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Posted: 10th, February 2010 | In: Key Posts, OK! | Comment (1)

Katie Price And Alex Reid’s Haiti Adoption Check List

133ALEX REID and KATIE PRICE: Today Tango and Gash adopt a baby from Haiti. We can narrows it down and quell the panic in that benighted place. The baby will most likely:

* Be orange
* Have a made-up name
* Have seen Killer Bitch and enjoyed it
* Never owned a ‘Team Peter’ T-shirt
* Be comfortable around camera crews

Says Alex:

Katie Price’s Career As Jordan (NSFW)

“I fear I shoot blanks.”

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Posted: 5th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

How David Blaine Held His Breath For 17 Minutes: A Video

HOW David Blaine held his breath for 17 minutes: a video. All utter nonsense, of coure. But fun to listen to watching him try to convince us that it’s not a trick:

Posted: 21st, January 2010 | In: Strange But True | Comment

How the Sun Sells Murdoch’s Avatar As News

DID you see Avatar yet? You didn’t? But you must. You. HAVE. To. The Sun says so. Highlights of Avatar reporting, include:

Rise of Avatar kiddies” – people naming children after film characters; “Hilarious viral of Avatar trailer”– WATCH the amazing internet hit video mash-up of Team America and Avatar; “James wouldn’t Av a sex scene” – ZOE Saldana reveals her steamy romp with Sam Worthington was cut from hit Avatar; “Vatican hits out at 3D Avatar” – VATICAN paper slams blockbuster film as ‘technology without emotion’ in attack; “Avatar is fastest to hit billion”; “Avatar is blue heaven“; “Leona’s Av-ing a night out“; “Avatar arrives on planet earth“; “I Av seen the future” – Sun’s film critic gives the view; “It’s out Av this world” and “First glimpse of magical Avatar“.

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Posted: 18th, January 2010 | In: Reviews | Comment

Emily Bronte Writes New Twilight Book: Picture

TWLIGHT only lasts three books. But wait – theres another. Emily Bronte has written a fourth. The future of literature is assured. Bella and Edward endorse:


Posted: 16th, January 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Peaches Geldof Arrives In The 1980s: Rellik Opens, In Pictures

PEACHES Geldof was at the opening of Rellik, a “concept boutique” dedicated to fashions and goods from 1990 to 2000, inside Selfridges department store. Yeah, all that tat that’s been sat around in warehouses of decades has found a market. Cue Peaches, whose mum and dad were big stars in the 1980s. That’s right, Peaches has been beaten to it yet again by her parents. Another day in Peaches’ Geldof’s battle to find something in showbiz to make her own. PS – Is that a rescued Chihuahua in her bag?


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Peaches Geldof attends the opening of Rellik, a concept boutique dedicated to fashions and goods from 1990 to 2000, inside Selfridges department store on London's Oxford Street.

Posted: 8th, January 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment

One In Six Children Forced To Use Fingers To Swear

baby-talkONE in six children can’t talk properly, says a survey by a vested interest group. When approached by a pollster in a bright coat stepping in front of them with “hiya!” six children replied with the correct response: “fuck off.”

Three out of ten children said managed only to say “Poo” and one in every ten was only able to use a finger or a loose fist to signify “Wanker”.

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Posted: 4th, January 2010 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)

Tabloid Hysteria Over Climate Change And More Dead Trees

CLIMATE Change is big news. It’s big news at the Daily Express, where climate change hype is met by ant- climate change hype. MacGuffin investigates:

THE Daily Express doesn’t believe in climate change. This front page from last week made that clear. The quote marks around fraud show it is a quote from someone else but the phrasing makes it clear the, ahem, ‘world’s greatest newspaper’ is of the same mind.

That was emphasised again on Tuesday 8 December when their Environment Editor’s feeble article about Copenhagen was given the headline A load of hot air!

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Posted: 11th, December 2009 | In: Reviews | Comments (5)

Climate Change Hits London In Time for ‘Winter’

IN London this morning, Old Mr Anorak marked climate change in traditional fashion by buttoning up his Crombie, pulling the family elephant skin over his lap and turning the fan up to ‘Calcutta’ in his Sedan. Meanwhile in Copenhagen, mermaids are drowning in a sea of tears

Posted: 11th, December 2009 | In: Reviews | Comment

Gordon Brown Chops Down And Plugs In A Tree For Climate Change

ON the day Gordon Brown built up the heat in readiness to fly off to Copenhagen to talk about climate change –

“This perhaps the greatest challenge we face as a world and this is the turning point that can either work for us or it can fail – This is one of the great endeavours of our time – to bring the world together to deal with the problem that has been caused essentially by the richest countries but is now affecting some of the poorest countries in the world. If we do not act, all of us are going to be worse off” –

His wife stood outside his house beside a gigantic chopped-down tree covered in lights. Bah humbug!

Posted: 4th, December 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment

Adam Lambert On The Early Show, In Pictures

lambert-noshADAM Lambert is last season’s runner up on American Idol. At the American Music Awards, Lambert’s music took in a rubbing a dancer’s face into his crotch. If it helps him hit the low notes, so be it.

He then got off with a male band member and stuck his finger up in the air. Lots of people tuned in, 1,500 complained and Lambert is no longer a lump of reality TV dross – Lambert is edgy and challenging and turning telly viewers gay.

Lambert then went on GMA stands for ‘Gays Made America’. But he didn’t – his performance was cancelled. Do instead he stuck his gayness of The Early Show, and families tuning in got to see a pretty ordinary signer with dyed hair – think Jess Conrad meets The Producer’s Hitler – sing a song.

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Posted: 25th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

X Factor: Jedward Look Alike Gallery Update

X FACTOR: JOHN & Edward Grimes’ Jedward look alike gallery is updated for your pleasure. Simon Cowell’s pet Duracell Gonks look like all of them. And two of these…


Jedward: X Factor John And Edward Look Alike Gallery

Posted: 18th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Is Benidorm In The Jungle, in Pictures

I’M A Celebrity comment do the day comes from Anorak reader Malcolm Henry:

They have transported the cast of Benidorm wholesale into the Jungle. . .

The proof:

Colin & Justin - I'm A Celebrity

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Colin & Justin - I'm A Celebrity

Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)

X Factor’s John & Edward Grimes’ Novelty Record Top Ten

john-and-edward2YESTERDAY, Anorak began its campaign to have the X Factor twosome John & Edward Grimes, aka Jedward, record a novelty record and, with luck and a following wind, take it to No.1 in time for Christmas.

To give them a clue as to the levels expected to them, we deliver the Top Ten Novelty Records Of All Time.

Can John & Edward Grimes join this elite band of cheap and chirpy talents? Join hands in a Millennium Prayer that they do:

10. On Top of Spaghetti,  Tom Glazer & the Do Re Mi Children’s Choir.

Tapping into rich vein of laughing at foreingers. As performed on Noel Edmond’s Swap Shop – more from him later:

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Posted: 6th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

The X Factor’s Jedward Will Kill Us All Says Climate Change Expert

greenshirts2WANT to know how the X Factor could bring about not only war with China but the end of the entire planet? Writing in the Irish Times, John Gibbons tells you:

Time to discard our delusions and get real

Shows like the X Factor fuel the fantasy that anyone could, if they tried hard enough, be the next big thing. Positive thinking sounds innocuous, even benign, but it differs from cheerfulness or normal optimism in that it often extends to believing that the world is shaped by our wants and desires, and that these can be willed, genie-like, into existence.

Stick with it:

In Generation Me, psychologist Jean Twenge points out that “we simply take it for granted that we should all feel good about ourselves, we are all special and we all deserve to follow our dreams”. Over the last 25 years, international studies have tracked a strong rise in narcissistic belief among young people.

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Posted: 29th, October 2009 | In: Reviews | Comment

X Factor: Dermot O’Leary Wants Joe McElderry Locked Up

dermot-john-and-edwardREAD X Factor presenter Dermot O’Leary’s news column in the News of The World:

“The X Files – Dermot O’Leary’s brand new column reveals why John & Ed are still in it”

It’s Dermot ‘literally’ O’Leary right here on this page, literally. Dermot O’Leary, people. Coming right up. Literally. Any moment now…

Ad break.

Dermot O’Leary will be right here on the Anorak pages, literally, here…

Ad break.

Well, they did it. They defied the odds, they beat the boos and they rode roughshod over everyone’s expectations to make it through the first week unscathed.

They took the knocks, rode the wave, hit the highs, trawled the lows and literally scaled the scales. It’s John and Edward, Ireland’s late-developing answer to The Proclaimers, and the answer to the question ‘What’s more annoying than the Proclaimers’?

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Posted: 18th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

Katie Price And Peter Andre In Slash Horror

katie-peter1MORE Peter Andre and Katie Price news as amid a fight at the Mayfair Hotel, bookmakers slash the odds of the pair reunited their camera crews and giving it one more shot.

Ladbrokes has reduced the odds of a Peter Andre-Katie Price re-renewal of vows (they renewed their vows on a TV show having made their original vows before God and OK!) from 100/1 to 4/1.

Whether he bookmakers would take money from Katie or Peter’s PR camps is a moot point. The odds are one thing, the size of the betting market another. A wager of anything over a pound might be turned down by the bookmakers, suspicious of fixing.

One day on from news of a reconciliation, Peter Andre, along with Mel B, her husband Stephen Belafonte, Chantelle Houghton and Nicola McLean are dining with Katie’s former agent Claire Powell at the Mayfair Hotel. That’s them bathed in an orangey glow sat before plates covered in hand-reared breast meat.

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Posted: 8th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Now You Can Buy The David Beckham Condom

beckham-condomDAVID Beckham’s sleepy face is to feature on condom packets on sale Madrid’s Thyssen-Bornemisza museum shop.

It’s not a tacky stunt – it’s art, possibly modern art. It’s also a chance to look at Day-vid while you blow up two johnnies and tie them to a broom handle version of Her Poshness.

All condom packet designs are taken from the gallery’s Tears of Eros exhibition later this month, a name that sounds like a euphemism or the name of a Zurich swingers club.

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Posted: 2nd, October 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Serena Williams Victim Of US Open Conspiracy, Deep F***ing Throat

7749579SERENA Williams is the victim of a conspiracy at the US Open in what Anorak is calling Deep Fucking Throat.

We join the action as the US Open title-holder is 6-4, 6-5 and 15-30 down. A foot-fault penalty is called against her on her second serve setting up match point for the Belgian, Kim Clijsters. The woman on the grassy knoll says “foot fault“.

Williams goes bonkers. She is soon to be disqualified.

Says Serena Williams to the line judge:

“If I could, I would take this fucking ball and shove it down your fucking throat.”

Later overheard adding:

“I never said I would kill you, are you serious?”

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Posted: 13th, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (3)

Dirty Sanchez Star Matthew Pritchard Stab Pictures

matt-pritchard-knifeDIRTY Sanchez star Matthew Pritchard has been stabbed in the neck and back. But where else was he stabbed?

PA: “Matthew Pritchard was with his girlfriend when he intervened in a row in a shop on Monday.”

The Sun: “Dirty Sanchez star stabbed in Co-Op

Daily Mai
l: “Matthew Pritchard, 36, was with his girlfriend in Budgens at Toftwood, Dereham yesterday, when he intervened in a row between two fellow shoppers.”

Want more facts? Says the TV star:

“I went into the shop with my missus, and this guy was in there. He was having a go at the staff and saying: ‘I’ve been in the scouts prison for two years, what are you asking me for ID for?’ He was getting really out of hand and by this time I was fuming because there were kids in the shop and it’s not right.

“He was effing and blinding. It was disgusting.”

Says the man who appears on a TV show named after a sexual act that involves wiping a line of poo under your lover’s nose.

I said ‘don’t you speak to women and children like that’ and pushed him out. He saw me coming towards him and I saw him get this knife out and he slashed me down the neck. I thought ‘Oh my God, he’s stabbed me’. My missus saw me and was screaming. People in the shop gave me a towel to put pressure on my neck. The blood started coming through that.

“I thought I was about to go to sleep at any point. I was telling my missus to tell my mum I love her.”

As ever, Twitter does the PR and Pritchard, a minor star on minor telly show on a minor telly channel makes the most of his moment in the limelight…

Posted: 8th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Jaycee Garrido Pictures: Starlite And Angel Cry

jaycee-lee-dugard-pictures2JAYCEE Lee Dugard – Anorak’s look at Jaycee Dugard in the news: Jaycee, Starlite Garrido and Angel Garrido all cried when police burst in and arrested Phillip Garrido and Nancy Garrido and took them away.

Picture Gallery

Sky News has more on the sensation:

Jaycee Lee Dugard and the two children she shared with Phillip Garrido, Starlite and Angel, cried when the arrest was made.

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Posted: 31st, August 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment

West Ham And Millwall Fight Over Strictly Come Dancing

TROUBLE at the West Ham United  v. Millwall game. Who will win Strictly Come Dancing?

Pictures and full story.


Posted: 26th, August 2009 | In: Sports | Comment (1)

In OK! This Week: Ashton Kutcher’s Wants Another Ashton Kutcher, Diane Kruger On Brad Pitt And Gareth Gates’ Mole

7667013IN this week’s OK! – Ashton Kutcher’s Gift, Diane Kruger On Ironing Condoms And Gareth Gates’ Missy Mole…

Diane Kruger ‘s Laughs It Up

Diane Kruger, who stars opposite Brad Pitt in Inglorious Basterds, is in conversation with OK!:

“I’m on time even when I try not to be. I’m German. I’m responsible. I’m neat. I iron my tablecloths.”

Bing a typical German, when she’s in Mallorca she naturally irons her condoms.

Missy Ga-Ga-Gates

OK! catches up with Gareth Gates, Suzanne Mole and their daughter Missy, who was born in April and “very well behaved”.

Gareth and Suzanne are “introducing Missy to the world”, which to her eyes looks like an OK! hacks with a syrup-leaded pencil and a photographer. And there’s the sound of mum talking about Missy’s birth:

“It was so easy. We decided to go for a Caesarean… I had a new procedure called a natural section… instead of being cut open, and having the baby pulled out, they find the head first and then bring it out.”

Or your stomach. Hence “natural section”.

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Posted: 20th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment