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Posts Tagged ‘Alistair Darling’

Puppet-Faced Alistair Darling Presents The Death Of Politics, A Windy Shadow Play

FOR a student of politics and an observer of humanity, one of the fascinating aspects of contemporary politics is how narrow, party politics and personalities have overtaken the real thing, to the extent that the professional politicians and their respective claques no longer have any real idea of what politics is about, writes Richard North.

Immersed in Westminster bubble gum, they have come to believe that the tat and trivia of their daily fare is politics, instead of the froth and theatre attendant on the exercise of power.

Then, suddenly, and probably unwittingly, we see on what is one of the most political of all days – budget day – The Times come up with the headline: “Nuclear and wind power will be at heart of Alistair Darling’s Budget.

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Posted: 24th, March 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment


Tories Rejoice At ‘Agent’ Alistair Darling’s Fine Work

darling-cartoonHURRAH for Tory undercover agent Alistair Darling. Hip-hip toodle-pip. Parp! He’s putting the rate of national insurance up by 0.5%. The Tories are cock-a-hoop.

He’s placed the burden on employees in a failing economy. Hurrah!

Better yet – Darling is going to tax bankers’ bonuses. It’s a one-off tax that will tax any bonus over £25,000. Hurrah! Don’t pay them just loan them the money. Or pay the greedy bankers two years bonuses after the window. Hurrah!

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Posted: 10th, December 2009 | In: Money | Comments (3)


Gordon Brown Annoints New Summer Prime Minister

WITH Gordon Brown away, everyone who hasn’t called him names is allowed a turn at sitting at his desk and playing at being Prime Minister.
Peter Mandelson had a turn at the helm.

And today Alistair Darling finds his sterling work on the economy rewarded with temporary promotion.

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Posted: 17th, August 2009 | In: Politicians | Comments (2)


Alistair Darling On Finding A Good Tax-Avoidance Accountant

darling-expenses1GOOD old Chancellor Alistair Darling, Chancellor of the Exchequor, for supporting the accountancy industry by paying an accountant public money to complete his tax return.

MPs then – possibly – asked the same accountants about capital gains tax, if a porn film is tool of the trade and to explain tax loop holes.

Chancellor Alistair Darling is among nine Cabinet Ministers who paid accountants public money to complete their tax returns, it has been reported.

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Posted: 25th, May 2009 | In: Photojournalism, Politicians | Comments (11)


Gordon Brown Sends Sarah To Arrest Sharon Osbourne

sarah-brown-sharon-osbourne2AS Alistair Darling places UK Plc under a tarpaulin cover – closed until further notice – the Daily Mail spots Sarah Brown on a debt-collecting mission to LA.

“Tax the rich!” says the clarion call. And if those rich Britons and ex-pats won’t come to Blighty, Sarah Brown will go and fetch them.

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Posted: 23rd, April 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment


Somali Pirates Seize MV Amani: Britain Rejoices

GOOD news for Gordon Brown’s investments in Somalia.

Andrew Mwangura, coordinator of the Kenya-based East African Seafarers’ Assistance Programme, confirms that Yemeni vessel MV Amani has been seixed by Somalian pirates.

Says pirate spokesman Alistaaaaaair Darling:

“I am making this satement under no threat of losing my job and being sent to the paper mines. Gordon brown is not a priate. But if he were, he’d be a ruddy good pirate and be cutting out throats from ear to ear for our own good.”

That is all…

Somali Pirates In Discussions to Acquire Citigroup

Pirates Fight Global Warming

Posted: 25th, November 2008 | In: Reviews | Comment


Pre-Budget Report: Darling Brings Us In From The Arctic Monkeys

CAN Britons civil servants and public sector workers buy enough HD-ready televisions to bring the country back from the gaping maw of depression?

Gordon Brown says yes, adding:  

“With any luck a pre-budget report will provide more work for the key public sector demographic. If it works, we’ll be looking to introduce a pre-pre budget report and push on from there to a concerted pre-pre-pre budget report and, paper willing, a pre-pre-pre-pre budget report.” 

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Posted: 25th, November 2008 | In: Key Posts, Money | Comments (7)


Alistair Darling: The Good Samaritan

ALISTAIR Darling. He gives until it hurst, hurts, hurts!!!

More here, and here

Posted: 24th, November 2008 | In: Money, Photojournalism | Comment (1)


54 Million Ways To Out The Lie In The LIBOR

FACT One: The latest banking “screw your customer” policy is insisting small, medium and large business pay a sizeable percentage above the LIBOR rate for commercial loans. That is, not at the usual Bank of England rate plus a couple of percent.

Fact Two: Braver accountants are telling Business Accountant Managers to get stuffed and switching accounts to the banks which have not yet turned that screw.

Meanwhile, back in fat cat country: When news of the Northern Rock debauch broke Anorak asked two questions:

  • Who was responsible and accountable. Answer? Every-one
  • Who would be brought to book and who would press criminal charges? Answer? No-one

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Posted: 19th, November 2008 | In: Money | Comments (2)


Alistair Darling Apologises For His Bad And Fraudulent Investments

ALISTAIR Darling writers a letter embargoed until June 2010:

Dear Northern Rock, Royal Bank of Scotland, HBOS and Lloyds TSB investor,

“The investments that you made in good faith never existed. The money was used in a futile attempt to recover losses incurred by me in the hope that I could repay everyone who invested.”

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Posted: 17th, November 2008 | In: Key Posts, Money | Comment (1)


Brown And Darling On How Sharing Is Fun



And…

Posted: 22nd, October 2008 | In: Reviews | Comments (4)


Mr Darling By J.M. Barrie

MR Alistair Darling, a profile:

Mr. Darling used to boast to Wendy that her mother not only loved him but respected him. He was one of those deep ones who know about stocks and shares. Of course no one really knows, but he quite seemed to know, and he often said stocks were up and shares were down in a way that would have made any woman respect him – Peter And Wendy, J.M. Barrie

You’ll belive man can fly…

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Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (4)


Alistair Darling To Make Banks Run Like Trains

ALISTAIR Darling is the man who ran the railways. He now runs the country’s banking system.

Customers trying to borrow their own money from the banks they now own should book their place in the queue in advance and observe that there is a bus replacement service ever second Wednesday.

Anyone arriving at a bank without a ticket may be liable to being abused and/or threatened with a fixed penalty notice.

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Posted: 10th, October 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (15)