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Posts Tagged ‘iPad’

Apple Screwed The Entire Finland Economy Claims Finnish Prime Minister

And to be fair to him there’s a certain amount of evidence that Apple did indeed screw over important parts of the Finnish economy. The invention of the smartphone did screw over Nokia and that paperless computing environment is at least partially here which doesn’t help Finland’s paper making industry all that much:

The prime minister of Finland has blamed Apple for the economic downturn his country is experiencing which saw it lose its AAA credit rating on Friday.

Alexander Stubb said the remarkable success of the California-based tech giant has had a negative impact on his country’s two biggest industries – technology and paper.

‘We have two champions which went down,’ Stubb told CNBC on Monday.

Not only has handset manufacturer Nokia suffered due to the success of smartphones such as the iPhone, but Finland’s paper industry has also fallen on hard times.

The country is a key production site for Europe’s biggest paper producers, UPM-Kymmene and Stora Enso, but Stubb said the success of tablet devices like the iPad had hit the sector hard.

‘A little bit paradoxically I guess one could say that the iPhone killed Nokia and the iPad killed the Finnish paper industry, but we’ll make a comeback,’ he predicted.

That’s always the problem with any new technology, there’s people happily making a mint out of the older technologies being replaced and they get screwed. There weren’t all that many buggy ship makers left after the success of the Model T Ford either.

However, I’m not entirely sure that the iPad killing the paper industry is all that important. Years back, Alan Coren, when editor of Punch, told of how he’d gone to Finland to meet their paper suppliers. And he’d pointed to some trees and asked if they were for the paper they printed Punch upon. The Finns all fell about laughing and said no, no, these trees were far more valuable than that, these trees were to be made into toilet paper.

So if loo paper is more valuable than printing paper then why’s the Finnish paper industry having problems? Surely no ones wiping their arse on their iPads are they?

Posted: 15th, October 2014 | In: Money | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Tesco Sold Clay iPad To Kent Baker (Then Police Arrested Him For Fraud)

clay ipad

“I COUDN’T believe it when I saw what was inside the box. Maddie was devastated,” says Colin Marsh, who paid £470 for at Tesco in Whitstable, Kent. “I took it back to Tesco, but they said they couldn’t give me a refund and would need to carry out an investigation. Two days later, I got a call at about 8pm from the police asking if I could come down to the station to answer some questions. I just thought they wanted to know what had happened, but the next thing I know I’m being bundled into a cell. I was in there for three hours. It was then they told me the iPad had been activated in my name. I just thought ‘how can that possibly be?’ It didn’t make any sense.

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Posted: 16th, November 2013 | In: Technology, The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Motorists nicked for brushing teeth and browsing the internet while driving in Hampshire


LORRY drivers get a hard time don’t they? People unfairly chide them, when they’re just trying to do their job, like those nice men on Convoy or Smokey and the Bandit.

And so, to a news story about a lorry driver was caught brushing his teeth while driving his long, flammable death machine. And also to a car driver was pulled over for shaving with a razor and a water bottle, during a police crackdown.

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Posted: 3rd, October 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Shropshire iPad scam ends pair in cold water

ELAIN Sloane, of Wellington Post Office, Shropshire tells the court:

“When the gentleman came to the counter and said he wanted to do a special delivery I did notice the package had damp patches on it and the front of his jacket had damp patches on it too. I just happened to say to the gentleman is it raining outside and he said yes but it seemed strange to me because I could see from where I was sitting it didn’t look like it was raining. I asked him what was inside and he said iPads. I said how much is it worth but he wanted to make a phone call. I asked him for a return address but he couldn’t remember the postcode.

“We had a little look and you could see all ice in there. We were shocked. He had sent it as iPads and I couldn’t believe it was all this water and the box was disintegrating.”

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Posted: 14th, August 2013 | In: Reviews, Technology | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

The iPotty will teach your child to poop digitally


SIGNS that the economy is rebounding:  the CTA Digital 2-in-1 iPotty with Activity Seat for iPad:

Potty training can be a challenge for even the most patient parents and one of the biggest hurdles is gaining the child’s interest and then keeping their attention long enough to properly potty train. That’s where the iPotty comes in with its unique holder for the iPad. Many young children already love playing with their parents’ iPad, and now they can safely do so with the iPotty. It provides a fun and comfortable place to sit, while learning how to use the potty and engaging with apps.


iPotty 2

Posted: 21st, June 2013 | In: Technology, The Consumer | Comments (2) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

New iPad not greeted by rioting mobs – is this the start of the end of apple?

SOMETHING really rather strange has happened over at Apple. They’ve released a new product and yet we have no reports of stampeding crowds or rioting mobs screaming into the stores to get their hands on one.

Indeed, it’s rather the opposite:

Braying hordes of fanbois hungry for new iPads failed to turn up outside Blighty’s Apple stores today despite months of rumour, hype and speculation. Although slab shoppers were nonchalant in London, they were positively wet in Scotland. A queue of hundreds swiftly ebbed away outside the fruity tech titan’s Regent Street outlet, allowing at least one punter who rocked up at 9am to grab the improved fondleslab five minutes later.

The line was much more muted than previous iPad launches during which unlucky fans were turned away empty-handed.

A queue that only lasts an hour after the doors have opened just isn’t what we’ve come to expect from an Apple launch.

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Posted: 16th, March 2012 | In: Technology | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Why the basket case iPad is now mainstream

IPADS… Me, personally, I think they’re a waste of space and money but obviously that’s just me. I mean, OK,  something without a keyboard is useless, isn’t it, but apparently there are some hundreds of millions out there who disagree with me.

And how we know it’s here to stay is the following:

Tablet computers such as Apple’s iPad and Samsung’s Galaxy Tab have been added to the basket of goods and services used to calculate inflation rates

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Posted: 13th, March 2012 | In: Money | Comments (17) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

The Fleshlight ipad holder lets you have sex with your apple gadget

PSST! Who wants to actually have sex with your apple product? You want to shag your ipad, don’t you. You do. And your iPhone and iPod. You want to have sex with your trophy gadget. Well, with the Fleshlight iPad holder, you can…

PS – You won’t see the iPad strap-on because apple has already shagged you senseless…

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Posted: 26th, January 2012 | In: The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Yorkshire Man Buys iPad Shaped Like A Cold Potato

ANYONE buying iPads on the streets of Batley are reminded that they do NOT look like potatoes – not even hot potatoes nor potato chips.
The news comes too late for one man who on October 24 handed over £200 when he paid for an i-pad that turned out to be – you guessed it – a bag of potatoes.

The iSpud seller is described as a “chubby white man in his forties who had dark blonde hair and an Irish accent”.

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Posted: 11th, November 2011 | In: Technology | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Apple Fan Steals iPad From Terminally Teenager: Does Not Take Samsung Galaxy

IN answer to the question “What would you do for an iPad?” someone took one from Jamie Knott, a 14-year-old stricken with Methylmalonic acidemia and was recovering from a kidney transplant at Royal Manchester Children’s Hospital.

That’s the power of iPad.

The Manchester Evening News reports:

The Make A Wish Foundation donated the tablet computer to him so he could enjoy it before he loses his sight completely.

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Posted: 28th, October 2011 | In: Reviews | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Woman Buys iPad: Gets Piece Of Wood Painted Black With An Apple Logo

ASHELY McDowell, 22, bought an iPad that turned out to be a “piece of wood painted black with an Apple logo”. The South Carolina woman purchased the iPlank  off two black males selling the gadgets for $300 apiece in a McDonald’s parking lot. One of the men had a gold tooth.

(We know what you’re-thinking – you too would buy the goods in a portaloo on the third day of Glastonbury so long as it spared you the agonies of a trip to those headshrinkers in the Apple store.)

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Posted: 30th, August 2011 | In: Strange But True | Comments (3) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Chinese Boy Sells Kidney For iPad: Reserves Soul For Simon Cowell

RONAN Parke has not sold his kidney to pay for Simon Cowell’s iPad? But elsewhere on the internet we learn that a Chinese teenager has flogged his organ for a gadget.

A 17-year-old called Little Zheng (yeah, really – his parents called him an Little, as in Syd Little) says he flogged his kidney over the web and used the money to buy an iPad 2. He saw the advert calling for Cash 4 Kidneys and duly scooped $3,392 (£2,077) for one of his. That was enough money for him to buy an iPad 2 and a laptop (the brand of the laptop is not given, but we think it was an  – ouch! – iBall).

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Posted: 3rd, June 2011 | In: Strange But True | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Taking Photos With iPad2 Makes You Look This Tragic

ARE you winning with your new ipad 2, that ergonomic gadget that’s killing American jobs with its success? Have you been taking photos with it? Want to know how cool you look doing so? You don’t. You look as cool as a holidaymaker dressed in massive check shorts, a location vest and trying with a wasabi enema inserted between the folds:

President Barack Obama greets people following his remarks at the National Action Network's Keepers of the Dream awards gala at the Sheraton New York Hotel in New York, New York, April 6, 2011. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

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Filmmaker Spike Lee uses his iPad to photograph President Barack Obama as he greets guests at the National Action Network's Keepers of the Dream awards gala in New York, N.Y., April 6, 2011. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)This official White House photograph is being made available only for publication by news organizations and/or for personal use printing by the subject(s) of the photograph. The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials, advertisements, emails, products, promotions that in any way suggests approval or endorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House.

Posted: 26th, April 2011 | In: Technology | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Jesse Jackson Jr Reveals How The iPad Is Killing Jobs: Beyond Parody

JESSE Jackson Jr says the iPad is killing American jobs.

In other news, Jackson Jr says motor cars will destroy the horse and buggy industry and warns that Gutenberg is going to make scribes and other Bible-writing monks redundant…

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Posted: 18th, April 2011 | In: Technology | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Steve Jobs Versus Dragons’ Den: The iPad Is Crap

STEVE Jobs will now pitch his iPad to The Dragon’s Den. The iPad might be the saviour of long-sighted iPhone users and people for whom travels rugs and other lap warmers are not high-tec enough.

And because it sits on your lap it is perfect for interactive masturbators and other iUsers.

But what we think is not important – what the smug-faced, mocking moneymen make of it is:

Posted: 6th, January 2011 | In: Technology | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Emma Watson Is The World’s First Moving iPad Cover Girl

EMMA Watson, the Harry Potter WILF, is  the  first person to feature on a moving magazine cover for iPad, namely the Marie Claire offering. The Daily Prophet may yet be made real:

Says Joanna Coles, editor in chief of Marie Claire, New York:

“It’s the first time that it’s been done and I’m so excited. I showed it to a couple of men in the office and they just wanted it sitting on their desk, running on a loop, because it’s just so much fun – it looks like Emma’s kind of flirting, but in a nice way.”

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Posted: 17th, December 2010 | In: Key Posts, Technology | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Why iPad Magazine Apps Fail

KHOI Vinh looks at iPad magazine apps. Are they any good? Anorak has been offered chance to create one. Also for our Pies football site and Stylebrity, the fashion site run by a former stylist to the stars? Would it be worthwhile? (If you want to help, get in touch. Right now, I’m not sure):

My opinion about iPad-based magazines is that they run counter to how people use tablets today and, unless something changes, will remain at odds with the way people will use tablets as the medium matures. They’re bloated, user-unfriendly and map to a tired pattern of mass media brands trying vainly to establish beachheads on new platforms without really understanding the platforms at all.

The fact of the matter is that the mode of reading that a magazine represents is a mode that people are decreasingly interested in, that is making less and less sense as we forge further into this century, and that makes almost no sense on a tablet. As usual, these publishers require users to dive into environments that only negligibly acknowledge the world outside of their brand, if at all – a problem that’s abetted and exacerbated by the full-screen, single-window posture of all iPad software. In a media world that looks increasingly like the busy downtown heart of a city – with innumerable activities, events and alternative sources of distraction around you – these apps demand that you confine yourself to a remote, suburban cul-de-sac.

Posted: 31st, October 2010 | In: Technology | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


THE Star War iPad Brief is unbelievable – way better than a laptop.

Star Wars plus iPad – it’s an internet hit readymade.

It’s best to watch it on the iPad – way better than viewing it on a PC or a Mac.

You can zoom in on things.

And, of course, it’s awesome…

Posted: 10th, August 2010 | In: Technology | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

iPad Triggers Surge In Newspaper Sales In Japan: Want To Know Why?

THE iPad is the new way to spot a tosser on the Tube. Or is it?

In Japan, you can’t see the iPad because the shame-faced punters and posers are wrapping the things (chip wrappers – geddit?!) around their iPads on the underground.

The given excuse is that it stops them being stolen. The real rason we have touched upon: shame.

How the iPad saved newspapers… Read all about it!

Posted: 3rd, June 2010 | In: Technology | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Before iPad And Apple A Pictorial History Of Computers

BEFORE the iPad and apple made computing into a thing for posers and the superficial, the machines were going to save the world. They would feed penguins. They would mow the lawn. They would launch rockets and play chess. Remember Commodore Computers and the ZX Spectrum? We do. We’ve put together an archive of pictures of how computers used to be sold to the masses. It’s was high-tech boffinry. It as in black and white…


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Leslie Russell computer operator at Trans-World airlines new data communications centre in Rockleigh, New Jersey, USA, was looking to the future at her "Moon Desk" after the fwentastic success of Apollo 10's lunar mission. The company received 3,000 requests for reservations to the moon. Though there was no immediate prospect of regular lunar flights, the requests were transferred to magnetic tape for storage when TWA activated it's computerised reservations system on it's round the world routes.

Posted: 31st, May 2010 | In: Technology | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Jake Lee Buys The First apple iPad In The UK And Everyone Loves Him

JAKE LEE becomes the first person in the UK to buy an Apple iPad. Jake, 17, from Theydon Bois, Essex, was spotted leaving the Apple Store in Regent Street, central London, after buying the new Apple iPad.

Jake looks delighted as throws off the austerity of his parent’s generation and forks out a few hundred pounds for a new computer. One day – hours, maybe days, from now – Jake will look back and say:

“I was there. I was there when apple iPads went. I queued. I shopped. I  plugged it in and on it read about a new apple product even better than the iPad. I put the iPad in a draw and dashed out to buy thsi new marvel. But it was not yet in the shops. I twitched with anticipation. I made Steve Jobs richer!”

Anyone unable to afford the iPad, can achieve the same effect by sticking a huge apple logo to their face and writing “I am a posing, superficial knob” on the foreheads in felt tip.

Apple users will nod and wave. Because they know…


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Customers queue overnight at the Apple store in London's Regent Street to be the first owners of the new Apple iPad.

Posted: 28th, May 2010 | In: Technology | Comments (4) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Win A New iPad And Get A Free Mobile Apple Idiot App.

THE Apple iPad is on sale, and anyone keen to look like an utter twat is lining up outside the Apple store in London’s Regent Street. The iPad is not just a massive phone, a big baby activity centre for people who shun work on the computer, preferring to spend hundreds of pounds on a new way to read the paper and buy new apps for their iPhone. The iPad is made for posing, sad tosspots looking for a new way to show everyone what a needy pillock they are. Thanks to the iPad, you can now spot the superficial from at least a hundred paces. The mobile idiot app is upon is. Look for the Apple…

Buy the iPhone 4 and other Apple devices from Phones4u


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Customers queue overnight at the Apple store in London's Regent Street to be the first owners of the new Apple iPad.

Posted: 28th, May 2010 | In: Technology | Comments (19) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

The Most Useless IPad App Ever: The Daily Express iDiana

THE iPad will revolutionise everything in the media. If it can fold up, cost a few pence and have an emergency toilet paper function, the iPad can replace newspapers. For now, it can enhance the Daily Express.

With the Express app. you cutting-edge tech kids can keep up with your favourite read.

You need never miss a story on Our Maddie, Princess Diana’s latest haircut or thieving gipsy scum begging for nuts and children in your lounge.

Spotter: Bitter Wallet

Posted: 16th, April 2010 | In: Technology | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Greg Packer is Mr FIRST The iPad, Harry Potter, New York Giants Screamer

GREG Packer is the man at the head of the line to buy an iPad. Expects – get his – there’s no line. With his iPad, Mr Packer can list how many times he screams “FIRST” at a shop assistant.

Greg Pecker is Mr FIRST. His list of FIRSTS:

•The Super Bowl victory rally for the Pittsburgh Steelers in 2006
•The Super Bowl victory rally of the New York Giants
•The 2005 release of the novel Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
•Bill Clinton’s first book signing
•Greeting President George W. Bush after his inauguration

He at the Apple store in New York. Mr Pecker reminds Anorak of the time I, ahem, happened to be near Westminster Abbey for the big Princess Diana send off. A trip to the loos behind the Foreign Office and an overheard chat:

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Posted: 2nd, April 2010 | In: Technology | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Dom Joly To Be Face Of New iPad

dom-joly-iphoneUK Funnyman DOM JOLY is delighted with the new iPhone. With the new bigger iPhone – already nicknamed the iPad by the cool elite – you can prove to anyone within 250 yards that you’re a charmless, vain, pretentious, needy tosser.

With the new iScream sound system, you can enjoy the following conversation in earshot of anyone in your train carriage and the next two along:

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Posted: 28th, January 2010 | In: Technology | Comments (3) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0