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Posts Tagged ‘jobs’

Tesco seeks a Christmas Tree light untangler

HELP!

HELP!

 

Former boy scouts, listen up. Your skills are needed. Tesco is hiring “Christmas Light Untanglers”. If you are “able to untangle 3 meters of Christmas lights in under three minutes” and are “passionate about Christmas”, you can spend your days elbow-deep in flex.

Tesco Careers:

Your roles and responsiblities will include:
• Man and managing the Christmas Lights Untangling stand
• Taking time to listen and help out wherever you can: Every little helps
• Check lights and bulbs for signs of breakage / broken bulbs and report findings to the customer
• Handle customers Christmas lights carefully to keep everything in tip-top condition
• Talking to colleagues, sharing your enthusiasm and helping to create team spirit
• Getting to know your customers, greet them with a smile and serve them with pride.
• Give a brilliant customer experience, making sure you deliver only the best service and put a smile on customers faces
• Successfully untangle customers Christmas lights neatly, quickly and efficiently and in an orderly fashion
• Abide by our Health and Safety policies
• Always be there on time and properly presented
• Be passionate and knowledgeable about the service you are offering

Try not to slit your wrists. Those bulbs can be sharp! Also: strangling.

Posted: 11th, November 2015 | In: Money, Reviews | Comment


London job seeker makes a bad first impression on the Tube

Is it advisable to make a bad first impression and then set about undoing it? We ask in light of the story of the man on the London Underground. Last Mondy, a passenger as blocking his way. Our hero did as the mild-mannered Englishman must: he shoved the blocker out the way and told him to eff-off.

He then continued on his journey for an interview as Python Developer at Forward Partners.

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Posted: 20th, February 2015 | In: Money, Strange But True | Comment


Job advert of the day: The Government needs a URL typist

Job ad of the day:

Screen shot 2015-01-06 at 10.17.03

Spotter: @scottreid1980

Posted: 6th, January 2015 | In: Money | Comment


Nuclear Nutjobs In Hinkley Point, Somerset: But Jobs Are A Cost Of Doing Something

PA-12803029

IT’S a strange thing to be boasting about goings on in Hinkley Point, Somerset.

David Cameron has hailed as “brilliant news” the £16bn of new investment and 25,000 jobs he says will come to Britain as the Government struck a deal for the country’s first new nuclear plant in a generation on Monday.

Yes, it’s great that they’re finally going to build the damn nuke. It’ll reduce carbon emissions and the likelihood that the lights will go out. But it always astonishes me when politicians tells us how many jobs are going to be created by their plans.

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Posted: 21st, October 2013 | In: Money | Comment


Cambridge student too ugly to punt

punter

THE Oxbridge universities don’t make it easy for people to like them do they? It is all ties and crests, hazing and fags, bizarre rituals and elitism and worst of all, posh folk in red trousers.

To add to this, they’re also terrifyingly vain as one Cambridge student has claimed that he was turned down for a river punting job because he was “too ugly”.

River punting is not a dirty euphemism.

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Posted: 4th, June 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)


Is this the worst application to be a journalist ever?

SO. You want to work on the Wimbledon Guardian?

journalist

 

Spotter: Omar Oakes

Posted: 24th, May 2013 | In: Money | Comment (1)


Why manufacturing jobs are leaving China

YOU may not know that this is true: but it is. The number of manufacturing jobs in China is falling. The reason why is really very simple:

A 16pc annual rise in Chinese wages over the last decade has changed the game.

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Posted: 30th, October 2012 | In: Money | Comment


We have not been exporting manufacturing Jobs – it’s the machines, dummy

WE have not been exporting manufacturing jobs. Richard Sennett, a professor of sociology at LSE and professor of social science at MIT, writes in the Guardian:

It’s no mystery why Europe is short of work. Save on its northern rim, Europe 30 years ago began exporting manufacturing jobs to other parts of the world

I do worry about the old Alma Mater at times you know. This is one of the senior professors at the place I did my economics degree. And it is difficult to be more wrong than this and still have the intellect to walk and fart at the same time.

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Posted: 5th, July 2012 | In: Money | Comments (2)


The Easiest And Hardest Jobs In The World: 2 Videos

FROM the people (us) who brought you a video of the Hardest Job in The World (repeated below – and it is a must see), we bring you the Easiest Job in The World – Escalator cleaning at Shanghai Pudong Airport.

You can do this.

And the hardest:

Posted: 30th, September 2010 | In: Key Posts, Money | Comment


The Most Dangerous Job In The World: Video

CLIMBING up a 1768-foot tower to fix transmission lines is the most dangerous job in the world. Although the worker seems to take it in his stride…

Posted: 19th, September 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Leeds University Advertises For A Lap Dance ‘Research Officer’ For Science Project

LEEDS University is adverting for a “Research Officer” to investigate “The rise and regulation of lap dancing and the place of sexual labour and consumption in the night time economy.”

Replies should be addressed to the Faculty of Education, Social Sciences and Law
School of Sociology and Social Policy.

The job description is gorgeous. Grab a light pen and get ready to take notes:

You will work on an ESRC funded study on the rise and regulation of lap dancing and the place of sexual labour and consumption in the night time economy. The post will involve qualitative and quantitative data collection and analysis. It is based in Leeds, although some travel to other cities may be necessary.

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Posted: 28th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Money | Comment (1)


Working Towards Violence Against Women, With Rihanna

RIHANNA might fancy the change. The civil service wants:

You can beat Rihanna here…

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Posted: 25th, February 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment


Job Gains Update (Video)

JOB losses are high. Job gains: Gordon Brown has a new fitness trainer and Arsenal are looking for a holding midfield player…

Posted: 26th, December 2008 | In: Money | Comment


They Work For You: Foreigners Take Every British Job

DID you know that “1.3 migrants took EVERY Brit vacancy since 2001”? All true. “THEY’VE STOLEN ALL OUR JOBS,” says the front-page headline

The Star, on whose cover this research features, does not list the names of the hard-working immigrants. But they’ve been upping their output.

As the BBC reported way back in October 2007:

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Posted: 16th, December 2008 | In: Money | Comment


New Jobs For City Boys

MATTHEW Lynn’s list of suggested new ideas for City boys and girls…

Posted: 20th, October 2008 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)