Nominative Determinism | Anorak

Posts Tagged ‘Nominative Determinism’

Former Arsenal star sent off as life imitates Wotsits

Referee Dean Hulme asked former Arsenal player Sanchez Watt for his name. Watt, playing for Hemel Hempstead Town in a National League South game against East Thurrock United was going into the ref’s book.

“Watt,” said the 27-year-old. Hulme believed he was saying “what?” and sent him off for dissent. The card was soon rescinded.

“It was a human error,” Hemel Hempstead chairman Dave Boggins told BBC Sport. “The referee was man enough to rectify it. I think everybody found it amusing afterwards – including the referee. He came into the boardroom after the game and explained how he had made the mistake. He was very apologetic and saw the funny side of it. He was a good ref on the night to be fair to him.”

Watt a Wally:


Posted: 7th, March 2018 | In: Arsenal, News, Sports | Comment

Unemployment now! Women rejoice as all F1 babes are sacked

F1 will no longer feature female models – Grid Girls – in the pits. Women won’t be in the cars, either. That tradition stays. Says Sean Bratches, managing director of commercial operations:

“While the practice of employing grid girls has been a staple of Formula 1 grands prix for decades, we feel this custom does not resonate with our brand values and clearly is at odds with modern day societal norms.

“We don’t believe the practice is appropriate or relevant to Formula 1 and its fans, old and new, across the world.”

The BBC spoke with one of the newly sacked: Charlotte Gash:

“It’s upsetting and I’m rather disgusted that F1 have given in to the minority to be politically correct…. I know the grid girls are there to look pretty when they’re out on the grid but my role was interacting with the crowd and we were there as an advertisement for the sponsors. We love doing it we don’t want it taken away from us.”


charlotte gash


Charlotte Gash, there.

Men, start your engines…

Posted: 31st, January 2018 | In: Sports, TV & Radio | Comment

Noel Gallagher on hating Christmas

Noel Gallagher hates Christmas. Well, I guess if you’re called Noel you might well try to break free of nominative determinism. He does protest a lot…

Posted: 24th, December 2017 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Man’s vanity plate banned for being offensive to women

Lorne Grabher is the victim of bureaucrats who saw his surname and thought him guilty of offence causing. Nova Scotia’s  Registrar of Motor Vehicles banned Mr Grabher’s personalised number plate – ‘GRABHER’ – on the grounds that it could be “misinterpreted as a socially unacceptable slogan”.


lorne-grabher trump


Worse, he could have ben mistaken for the American President.

Mr Grabher protested. “The name on the plate was my last name ‘Grabher’ and has been in the family for over 25 years,” he wrote on Facebook. “This plate changed hands within the family three times with no issue but because one complaint was lodged Ms. Director of Road Safety used her authority to cancel my plate. Where does it state that my last name is considered a ‘slogan’ in the Motor Vehicle Act?”

The Department of Transportation told CBS the plate “some individuals interpret [GRABHER] as misogynistic and promoting violence against women. With no way to denote that it is a family name on the plate, the department determined it was in the public’s best interest to remove it from circulation.”

Might it also be wise to remove Mr Grabher from society lest he adhere to the cruse of nominative determinism, by which a person’s destiny is shaped by their name?

Incidentally, the man in charge iof Nova Scotia’s transport is Mark Furey. Approach with caution.


Posted: 26th, March 2017 | In: Strange But True | Comment

After 34 years Stalin resigns as party’s youth wing leader

New from India to warm the cockles. The Hindu reports on a severe bout of nominative determinism:

DMK’s working president M.K. Stalin has stepped down as the youth wing secretary of the party after holding the post for 34 years. Former Minister and three-time MLA Vellakkoil M.P. Saminathan has been appointed as the youth wing secretary.

A mere 34 years as Dravidian Progress Federation’s youth win leader.


Posted: 6th, January 2017 | In: Politicians | Comment

Kids find something funny about Miss Butt in London school

We are at a loss. Cultural imperialism is rife. The Sun reports on “mum” Priscilla Terumalai, who was “hauled” into Mayville Primary School in Leytonstone, East London, to  explain why her 5-year-old daughter and her classmates had been giggling at their teacher: Miss Butt. For some reason, the figurative blighters found the name funny.

Indeed, dear reader, this is grim news. Miss Bottom, Miss Gluteus Maximus or Miss Arse would all be more suited to triggering laughter at a traditional British school. Miss Butt is so Americanised. It can’t be long before the kids are finding Miss Booty-Call hilarious.

Anyhow, Priscilla says the school is unhappy that Miss Butt was the butt of the kids’ laughter and may now move her children Annalise and Destiny to… Yes, Destiny.

Stop that! Stop that laughing. Stop it now!

PS: the local newspaper began its report: “A MOTHER says she feels ‘intimidated’ by a school after a teacher became the butt of her daughter’s humour.”

Free speech. No butts.

Posted: 1st, December 2016 | In: Reviews, Strange But True, Tabloids | Comment

Butt Fuchs: the backbone of Germany’s Olympic hockey team

Obviously, it would be hugely childish & wrong to laugh at Linus & Florian, the backbone of Germany’s hockey team, aka Butt and Fuchs:


Butt Fuchs hockey team Olympics


Spotter: Ruth Davidson

Posted: 8th, August 2016 | In: Sports | Comment

Man named Mr Gambles has won lottery for the second time using the same numbers

Mr Gambles lotteryTo Chicago in search of nominative determinism. We find Larry Gambles. Mr Gambles just won a $1,050,000 Lucky Day Lotto jackpot prize. He says: “Nine years ago, I won $50,000 playing the numbers from the jerseys of my high school basketball team. I’ve been playing the same numbers ever since. I can’t believe they paid off again.”

Mr S. Tony Broke will be in touch.


Posted: 25th, June 2016 | In: Money, Reviews, Strange But True | Comment

Nominative determinism and Brexit news from Oliver Imhof

Is this further proof that the media hires people based on their names? More nominative determinism from Oliver Imhof:


Oliver Imhof

Posted: 25th, February 2016 | In: Reviews | Comment

Black Depression: Un-Nooh in nominative determinism break horror

un-nooh misses

Missed Un


At the UK Snooker Championship a case of nominative determinism. The player has only the black to pot to make a maximum 147 break and pocket £44,000 in prize money.

He misses. His name? It’s Un-Nooh – aka Un-Noooooooooooooooooooh!


Spotter: Mike Marshall

Posted: 3rd, December 2015 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment

Mr Phuc Dat Bich ‘banned from Facebook’

An exasperated Vietnamese-Australian man has shared a photo of his passport to prove his name really is Phuc Dat Bich after he was banned from Facebook several times.


Dats Phuced Up

Dats Phuced Up


Mr Phuc Dat Bich, 23, says “nobody seems to believe me when I say that my full legal name is how you see it… I’ve been accused of using a false and misleading name, which I find very offensive. Is it because I’m Asian? Is it?”

Phuc Dat Bich says his Facebook account had been “shut down multiple times” with demands that he “change my name to my ‘real’ name”.

Mr Phuc works in IT, apparently. He might be known as Mr Phuc IT.

As for the story, we’re says: it’s a hoax, right?


Posted: 22nd, November 2015 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment (1)

Dog named Trigger shoots owner

trigger dog gun, guns


To Indiana, where local brains’ trust rep Allie Carter, 25, is out hunting waterfowl. She puts down her 12-gauge shotgun. Trigger her gun dog Labrador steps on the weapon, and she’s shot in the foot.

No birds were hurt but a few got belly pains from laughing.


bird hunter shot



Carter is now on the mend.


Posted: 28th, October 2015 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment

Indiana Jones arrested after high-speed chase

Indiana Z Jones


Indiana Z. Jones of Rushville, New York, was pulled over by police. Rather than leaving the vehicle, Indy put his foot down. Police gave chase. Other police up ahead tossed down “stop sticks” that blew his tyres.

Jones, 21, was charged with unlawfully fleeing a police officer, obstructing governmental administration, reckless operation, speeding, speed not reasonable and prudent, failure to comply with a lawful order, failure to keep right, moving from lane unsafely, driving an uninspected and unregistered vehicles, improper licence plates, driving without insurance and multiple vehicular equipment infractions.

In his defence he cite nominative determinism: Indiana Jones alway runs.

Posted: 28th, October 2015 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment

Tiffany White-Wine saw red: woman arrested for alleged drunken attack

white wine


Nominative Determinism Watch spots 29-year-old Michigan woman Tiffany B. White-Wine. She’s been charged with assaulting her roommate.

White-Wine had been drinking before she saw red.


Posted: 1st, September 2015 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment

Daily Telegraph’s ‘Madison Marriage’ reports on Ashley Madison hacking scandal

The Daily Telegraph continues to employ writers on the value of their name alone, witnessed by the paper’s story that millions of knobs trying to arrange extra-marital sex via the Ashley Madison website have been found out..

Madison Marriage reports:


ashley madison telegraph


Posted: 19th, August 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment

Woman called Wale imprisoned for having too-loud sex

Loud sex court
Gemma Wale, of Small Heath, Birmingham, has been sent to prison of being too noisy during sex. Wale – and how’s that for nominative determinism? – was handed a two-week prison sentence for breaching an earlier court order banning her from “screaming and shouting whilst having sex” at a “level of noise” which annoyed a neighbour.
Judge Emma Kelly revealed that Wale has a boyfriend called Wayne.

Posted: 2nd, June 2015 | In: Strange But True | Comment

You’ll never believe what the child who only eats Petit-Filous is called

Emilie-Lea petit-filousThe Daily Mail’s story on the four-year-old girl who only eats yoghurt is a disappointment. The child from Beaconsfield, Buckinghamshire, will only eat strawberry Petit-Filous. She eats 30 pots of the stuff every day. If given any other make of yoghurt, she “bursts into tears”. She “becomes hysterical” when offered solid food.

All good stuff that other parents can judge, mock and sink their teeth into.

But our beef is with the Mail because the child who only eats cheesy yoghurts is called – get this – Emilie-Lea. Yeah, as in Dairy Lea. C,mon, Daily Mail, sort your headlines out:


Posted: 31st, March 2015 | In: Strange But True | Comment

The greatest news pun ever: Jilted Jun and one Rong don’t make it right

Jun Wu Rong


To China, for what must be the greatest news pun of the century.

The story involves Wu Hsia, 21, his ex-girlfriend Jun Tang, 20, and his new lover Rong Tsao, 22.

Jilted Jun said that Rong was a moron. Wu should be with her. Jilted Jun went on and on and on. She wanted to woo Wu.

Wu has doubts. So. He thought it a good idea to meet both the women. The rendevous would take place in a park by a river.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 20th, March 2015 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment

Basketball player with sexually suggestive name sees it used over and over

 Guilherme Carabagiale Fuck
To Medicine Hat, Alberta, Canada, wher the local Medican Hat News has been reporting on Medicine Hat College Rattlers men’s basketball player Guilherme Carabagiale Fuck.
Mr F is a Brazilian of German heritage.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 20th, March 2015 | In: Sports, Strange But True | Comment

Nominative determinism: meet ISIS ‘apologist’ Furkan Derya

Furkan Derya

The Australian Daily Telegraph calls Furkan Derya.

Tim Blair’s story “Jihadi Bilardi spreading the hate in his own way” focused on the Australian teenager who relocated his angst to ISIS, one Jake Bilardi.

Bilardi, who died in a suicide bombing, was discussed by former Hume Islamic Youth Centre worker Furkan Derya in a Fairfax article. Blair uses Derya’s quote in his column. He adds an aside.

You can use it if you like. We double derya.

Spotter: @chrisdeerin

Posted: 16th, March 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment

Church school busts 11-year-old for wearing a ‘Zlatan’ ponytail like a junkie



A spot of nominative determinism now, readers, as we spot Joe Head, 11, whose was rusticated for wearing his hair in a short ponytail in tribute to Swedish footballer Zlatan Ibrahimović. Young Head’s school, Pope Paul Catholic Primary in Potters Bar, Hertfordshire, wrote to his parents. The letter called the hairstyle “unsuitable” and “associated with drug-taking”.





The letter was from the headmistress, Helen Lines.

Joe’s Mum, Mandy Head tells the media:

“I became upset that she could associate drug-taking and my son in the same letter and it became offensive. I’m not aware of any rules for hair at the school. We will discuss it with them, but they didn’t have to add drug-taking into the letter.”


zlatan ponytail letter


Joe’s error seems to have been in picking which sporting hero to emulate. If you really wants to be associated with drugs, we’d suggest cool kids eschew the blameless Zlatan and aim higher, perhaps piling their mop on top of their heads and spraying it bullet hard.




Posted: 1st, March 2015 | In: Sports, Strange But True | Comment

Phuc Kieu: ‘I Was Framed!’ And he WAS!

Phuc Kieu was framed! Jeremy Michell Foster made it iup. Phuc Kieu is innocent! Phuc Phew!


Phuc Kieu



Posted: 27th, November 2014 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Nominative Determinism: Mr Phuc Kieu Arrested For Sex Crimes



Nominative determinism of the day is Florida resident Phuc Kieu, 58.

Mr Phuc Kieu was watching gay pornography on a portable DVD player in his Honda Civic on Sunday afternoon. It is alleged he pulled a male passer-by into the vehicle, straddled the 21-year-old and attempted to rip his clothes off.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 26th, November 2014 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)

Crystal Metheney Is Florida’s Woman Of The Year

metheny crystal 1

TO Florida, where the State’s new Woman of the Year has been arrested in May for shooting a missile into a vehicle.

Her name?

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 15th, June 2014 | In: Strange But True | Comment