Key Posts Category
Edlington Devil Boys: Meeting The Mum For Sex And Drugs
THE Edlington “Devil Boys” are making front-page news in the Mail. Names have been kept hidden from the great unwashed to protect the victims and the guilty – although how long before the web gets hold of them?
Pictures: Edlington Devil Boys
But still the Mail screams:
NAME THE DEVIL BOYS – WE MUST NOT LET THEM HIDE
Exclusive: Parents of tortured boys describe their terrible ordeal… and call for the attackers to be treated like the killers of James Bulger
It’s an exclusive. Or as the Daily Mirror says:
Tortured boys fear their tormentors will ‘finish them off’ when they get out – EXCLUSIVE
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 24th, January 2010 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (3)
Penelope Cruz Does Ten From Nine At The 16th Annual Screen Actors Guild Award: In Photos
WITH Penelope Cruz and Marion Cotillard to the 16th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards in Los Angeles. No rain. Christina Hendrick’s portico was not required. Old Mr Anorak, our patron, wants the ladies to know that he appreciates their efforts to come as a 2-4-1 package deal but, laws such as they are, and Utah and Mecca so far removed from Anorak Towers, he can only marry one at a time. Rest assured that each marriage will be thrillingly short and mutually rewarding:
8252766
Posted: 24th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Tiger Woods’ British ‘Lover’ Emma Rotherham: In Pictures
TIGER Woods’s “secret British lover” is, allegedly, Emma Rotherham. Ever since the rumours of a British shag hit the media, we’ve been waiting for the denials. Katie Price. Cherie Blair. Sarah Ferguson. Edwina Currie. Amy Winehouse. Not one of them denied shagging Tiger Woods.
But now we learn that the secret lover is Emma Rotherham, a “curvy” 42-year-old blonde British mum of two who Tiger paid $500,000 to not shag ‘n’ tell. Emma is the 19th hole linked to Woods. They met at Orlando’s Blue Martini club. Emmas was wearing “a tight black jump suit”.
Says a source:
“Emma was his most recent mistress. They had a very, very passionate relationship and she has dozens of text messages and emails from him. Some were even sent while Tiger was trying to patch things up with his wife Elin. If those came out they’d bury him. He absolutely adored Emma and loved the sex. So did she.
“And as she lived near his Florida home in Isleworth she was always on call. They were at it all the time. Emma said Tiger was a great lover. But he never wore a condom, and she didn’t take any precautions.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 24th, January 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (8)
The Hope For Haiti Now Telethon LA: In Pictures
ANORAK was there to watch the “Hope for Haiti Now: A Global Benefit for Earthquake Relief” in Los Angeles, California. We were there to see who gets sat by whom. Jennifer Aniston scored a seat by Daniel Craig. Russell Brand shared a seat with Katy Perry as he moves closer to becoming “That English dude who married Katy Perry.” And we got see what these fine people look like on the phone: Robert De Niro, Michael Keaton, Selena Gomez, Joe Jonas, Alyssa Milano, Reese Witherspoon, Ben Stiller, Kevin Jonas, Jeremy Piven, Samuel L. Jackson, Marisa Tomei, Jack Black, Nicole Scherzinger, Mel Gibson, Ellen DeGeneres, Cameron Diaz, Christian Slater, Taylor Lautner, Gerard Butler, Jack Nicholson and anyone else who fro a few dollars will whisper down the phone: “I love you. I’m your number one fan…”
8247316
Posted: 23rd, January 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (6)
Victoria Beckham’s Private Dick Keep Tabs On David in Milan: Pictures
FRESH from having had his genitals groped by Vinnie Jones impressionist Elena Di Cioccio, David Beckham was spotted in Milan with his wife, the ever fragrant Victoria Beckham. As American soccer fans know, Dave is playing for the ACs of Milan, and has taken to posing in pants. Elena wanted to see if it was true and Dave’s balls were made of gold, as his wife had boasted. Now Vicky is in Milan, albeit undercover. Does Dave knows it his wife behind him, or does he think it’s the store detective or a private dick – not that Dave’s got one of those:
Posted: 23rd, January 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (7)
The Truth About The Edlington Devil Brothers: Vile Pictures
IN Edlington, Doncaster, two brothers tortured two boys. They sexually abused them. One boy almost died. It’s a rare case. But can it be used as an emblem for a bigger debate. A voracious media and a complicit David Cameron get to work.
With no real names given to protect he victims as well as the guilty, the tabloids get to rebranding them. They are the “DEVIL BOYS”
THE Sun (front page): “Fury as Devil Boys get 5 years”
NEXT TIME THEY’LL KILL – Victim’s dad warns – Never let them out
THE father of a boy left close to death after being tortured by two devil brothers yesterday warned they will kill if released. The shocked dad had watched in court as the 11 and 12-year-old – who had a “Beware Of The Kids” sign outside their home –
Says he:
“Never let them out. Next time they will kill. I am certain of that. I don’t think it will ever be safe to release them. I am convinced they will do it again. They loved what they did. You could see it on their faces in court. They were smiling. They are bloodthirsty.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 23rd, January 2010 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (10)
Kanye West And Amber Rose Do The Furries For Louis Vuitton Paris: Pictures
KANYE West took his teeth and his lover Amber Rose to the Louis Vuitton Men’s fashion fall winter 2010-11 collection, at Paris Men’s Fashion Week. West wore a small rabbit farm and Amber came as a polar bear fighting for its life in a tin of Touche Eclat. This is what happens when furries emerge. Andre Le Baron was also there, in leather. Enjoy the lurkers: The Kanye West Meme Gallery (Updated)
8242163
Posted: 22nd, January 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment
Munir Haussain And Frances Inglis: Law, Rights, Wrongs And Justice
MUNIR Hussain is free. He badly beat a burglar Frances Inglis is jailed for life. She killed her son. He was painfully ill.
MUNIR Hussain is back at his home in Desborough Park Road, High Wycombe, after being freed from Bullingdon Prison in Oxfordshire. Hussain, 53, had his sentence reduced at the Court of Appeal in London. Mr Hussain and his brother Tokeer attacked Walid Salem, one of a gang of burglars who had broken into his family home and threatened to kill them. He hit the man with a cricket bat.
Salem suffered a fractured skull, ribs, jaw, and finger and lasting brain damage.
Lord Chief Justice Lord Judge, sitting at the Court of Appeal in London with two other judges, replaced 53-year-old Hussain’s 30-month prison term with one of a year, and ordered that it should be suspended for two years.
Tokeer had his 39-month jail term reduced to two years and could be released in five months.
And Mr Hussain is media star. Those front pages:
“MERCY – dad you hit a burglar set free by court. JUDGE SENSE SENSE AT LAST” – The Sun
“Freed, man who battered raider with cricket bat” – Daily Express
“COMMON SENSE JUSTICE AT LAST” – Daily Mail
The Judgement
Retired judge Paul Firth believes Munir Hussain went beyond the use of “reasonable force” as the burglars had already fled.
He said: “Munir Hussain was perfectly entitled to feel angry, to go running after the burglars and then to detain him using what-ever force was necessary until the police arrived. But there were two against one and breaking a cricket bat in three places over somebody’s head doesn’t sound like reason-able force to me. I think the jury got it right in convicting them and I think the Court of Appeal has been more than merciful in suspending Munir’s sentence.” – Mirror
The Appeal
Delivering the verdict, Lord Chief Justice Lord Judge called the case “truly exceptional”. He added: “The plain, simple reality is that Munir Hussain was acting under the continuing influence of extreme provocation.
“Involvement in this serious violence can only be understood as a response to the dreadful and terrifying ordeal and the emotional anguish which he had undergone.
“His family had effectively been kidnapped in their own home. He feared for their lives and the honour of his wife and daughter.” – Sun
The Campaign
Mr Hussain smiled before hugging relatives as he left Bullingdon Prison, in Oxfordshire, yesterday afternoon where he had shared a cell with his brother. Earlier his other brother Qadeer, 45, called for an overhaul of the law to clarify home owners’ rights. He said: “Liberal policies have reached a point where Britain has become a Third World country in the sense that the civilised population is not protected.
“There needs to be clarification of where the home owner stands, where the victim stands and where the thugs stand.” – Express
Common sense and true British justice, says the Mail
The Police
Sir Paul Stephenson, the Metropolitan Police Commissioner, said that those who put themselves in personal danger to thwart criminals were heroes and that society was all the better for their bravery. He insisted that he was not commenting directly on the Hussain case, but his remarks will be interpreted as supportive of a change in the law. – Times
The Ass
Deborah Orr: “A life sentence for Frances Inglis makes no sense – but freeing Munir Hussain does”
Frances Inglis has been found guilty of murder and attempted murder – after her second, successful attempt at killing her 22-year-old son with a heroin ¬overdose as he lay, brain-damaged, in his hospital bed. I have no quibble with that. In fact, I’m wholeheartedly against a change in the law to make “mercy killing” legal.
But Inglis has been sentenced to life imprisonment, and I can’t imagine what purpose such a sentence serves. It’s true that she has been told she must serve a minimum of nine years, but even that seems steep – and anyway, the handing down of a life sentence, however theoretical, must “mean something”. What?…
The law looks foolish when it hands down a life sentence, however “symbolic”, to a person who killed her child in part because she couldn’t bear the thought of him dying slowly, of hunger and thirst, after his life-support was switched off. More emphasis on mercy is needed in this case, surely, and less on killing.
The Politics
In the wake of Hussain’s imprisonment, the Conservatives proposed changes to the law on self-defence so that only protective actions by householders that are “grossly disproportionate” would result in arrest and prosecution. Yet this was never a clear-cut story of self-defence, and it is unlikely that Hussain would have escaped legal action even under the reforms suggested by the Tories. After managing to break free from his captors, he chased the gang and, with the aid of his brother, caught one and beat him with a cricket bat so badly that he was deemed mentally unfit to stand trial for the serious crime he had allegedly committed.
Since this happened some distance from Hussain’s home, it is likely that he would have failed the “grossly disproportionate” test. However, the fact that the alleged burglar got away with it – while Hussain was jailed for 30 months – merely compounded the sense of injustice felt across the country. Some believe he should never have been convicted at all; but under the law, he was guilty of an offence – and vigilantism cannot be condoned. – The Telegraph
Your views…
Posted: 21st, January 2010 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (8)
Jedward And Vanilla Ice Perform At National TV Awards: Pictures
FOR those of unable to comprehend the limited scope of British telly, there was the National Television Awards last night, an AGM for mediocrity starring Jedward and Vanilla Ice. The stars are extras in the big telly production, unsure whether to be celebrities and do as expected or to remind the viewers and their peers that they are actors pretending to be the person who won the National vote. Yep, National – slap that word in to give the do a new layer of faux up-its-own-arse credibility. Had Katie Price won she’d have dithered between eating a gonad in her professional I’m A Celebrity life and, er, well, eating a gonad in her private life. But you get the idea…
8234123
Posted: 21st, January 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Cheryl Cole’s Hugs And Jedward Present The National Television Awards Show In Pictures
AFTER Katie Price led the arrivals, Anorak stayed around to watch the National Television Awards winners take their gongs – a metal sperm coiled around a lamb’s sweetbread – spotting Anthony McPartlin and Declan Donnelly collect the best Entertainment Programme award, Coronation Street’s Craig Gazey winning Best Newcomer, Stephen Fry taking Star Travel Documentary, EastEnders’ Lacy Turner clothing the Serial Drama Performance and James Corden collecting a trinkets for Gavin and Stacey, Jedward singing with Vanilla Ice:
8234130
Posted: 20th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Katie Price Out Fronted By Debbie Rush At National Television Awards: In Pictures
AFTER Christine Hendricks saw the Golden Globes renamed in her honour – The Christine Hendricks Golden Globes – we looked across the red rope for signs of who would be our stand-out star at the Britain’s National Television Awards 2010. In they trotted: Katie Price, Amanda Donohoe, Dannii Minogue, Heather Mills, Kara Tointon, Barbara Windsor, Shobna Gulati Helen Flanagan, Loose Women, Cheryl Cole and Simon Cowell looking like an Easter Island statue. But nothing doing. So it’s Katie Price again – unless it’s Debbie Rush!: (Show pics)
8233260
Posted: 20th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Kraft Unveils New Cadbury’s Cheez Egg And Cheez Flake
CADBURY is all set to be bought by US food giant Kraft and the news is full of Britons stood outside Old Ma Cadbury’s chocolate factory saying “Hands Off Our Buttons”. But will it so bad if Kraft takes over the shoppe? Anorak looks at some brands that Americans and with their big belts and labs might bring to market:
Cadbury’s Cheez Egg
Who doesn’t love an original? Since Old Mrs Cadbury created her snack in 1783, Britons have loved the taste of Easter. But now – finally! – things have been brought up to date as the egg is filled with delicious melted cheez. Available in Original and Triple Cheese.
Cheez Flake
Fashioned from the crumbliest, fakiest ™ cheez, the Cheez Flake tastes like chocolate never tasted before! Available in three varieties: Classic Cheddar, Four Cheese and Garlic Herb.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 19th, January 2010 | In: Key Posts, Money | Comments (10)
JLS Undress The Brits Awards Party 2010: In Pictures
ALL the pictures from the Brit Awards 2010 nomination party for you pop pickers. JLS did their best to look cheeky, while their lead singer Ashton Merrygold did his usual impression of Matt Dawson doing the ironing. Stedman Pearson, fomrrly of Five Star looked like a man who ran the gaunttet of a department store make-up section, tripped and been set upon by women with brushes and tissues. Dappy of NDubz bully-off face in public after his Radio 1 hissy fit. The product of mating between Pob and one of Snow White’s workers performed on stage with nominative determined Tinchy Stryder. Elly Jackson of La Roux did her usual impression of Marc Almond at a Buck Rogers convention. We cheered. Pictures:
8221432
Posted: 19th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Christina Hendricks’ Portico Presents The 67th Golden Globe Awards In 63 Pictures
AT the 67th Golden Globe Awards ceremony, held at the Beverly Hilton hotel in Los Angeles, CA, the talk was of umbrellas: do you brings your own or hire a brolly maid to carry one above your head? Mariah Carey posed while husband Nick Cannon acted as a brolly stand. Others who employed the brolly wallah: Toni Collette, Taylor Lautner, Christina Hendricks – rain would not dare touch her mobile portico – Drew Barrymore, Sarah Ferguson, Heidi Klum and Kate Hudson. Those who carried their own brolly – and the man in the pair always did the work: Jesse James and Sandra Bullock, Sigourney Weaver, James Cameron and Suzy Amis, Ricky Gervais and Jane Fallon, Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart, Penelope Cruz and Cameron Diaz. Big new. In pictures:
8215827
Posted: 18th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Celebrity Big Brother: Katia Ivanova On Sex, Drugs, Orgies And Jonas Altberg
DAY 3 of the plan to turn Celebrity Big Brother reject, occasional orgy makeweight and Rolling Stones gnome polisher Katia Ivanova into a star.
She’s on the front page of the Star, and the headline is senzzzzational. no, Not that Katia is a cheaper alternative to Katie Price. But that:
“KATIA – ‘RONNIE WANTS ME BACK..BUT I LOVE JONAS.”
This is Katia’s “amazing tale”.
Celebrity Big Brother In Pictures: Katia Ivanova And Heidi Fleiss Leave Together
There are “red-hot pictures” of Katia inside the paper. But they turn out to be not all that hot, more lukewarm. We see Katia in her knickers; Katia on the bed in her nightie; and Katia drinking a glass of apple juice in her bath.
One page before that you can see Chelsea with her nipples out. But, Chelsea is not front-page news because she has never done painting by numbers with a Rolling Stone nor frotted a Scandinavian fish slice called Basshunter, aka Jonas Altberg, on the telly (pictures of his orgy here).
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 18th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (6)
Katie Price At Danielle Lloyd’s Engagement Party: In Pictures
WITH Katie Price to the engagement party of Big Brother tag-team repellent Danielle Lloyd and sometime Spurs footballer Jamie O’Hara at the Mayfair hotel in central London. Katie Price tuned up with and her stylist Phil Turner. Being Katie stylist is a bit like being Ricky Hatton’s dietician or Osama bin Laden’s joke writer. It’s a job you’d leave off your CV. You cay you can tell a lot about a celeb by the showbiz pals they keep, so here are Liz Fuller, X Factor runner-up Olly Murs, Una Healy and Mollie King of The Saturdays, Cardiff City footballer Jay Bothroyd and eyebrow wrangler Lizzie Cundy’s tribute to Bod stuffed down her top:
8211576
Posted: 17th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Russell Brand And Katy Perry Give Side Eyes And Ashley Olsen Does Twilight Victim Horror At 3rd Annual Art Of Elysium ‘Heaven’ Gala: In Pictures
KATY Perry and Russell Brand were the love birds at the 3rd Annual Art Of Elysium ‘Heaven’ Gala in Los Angeles, California. The gala aims to raise funds to put some colour in Ashley Olsen’s face, who arrived dressed as a Twilight extra one with the blood removed) trapped in Miss Haversham’s ruff. Other arriving for free dinks, included: Jessica Alba, Rashida Jones, Juliette Lewis, Elijah Wood, Kat Von D, Glenn Howerton, Rachel Bilson, Jamie Ray Newman, Mia Maestro, Sunny Mabrey, Ethan Embry, Jessica Szohr, Kate Bosworth, David Spade, Channing Tatum, Lolo Jones, Alicia Witt, Camilla Belle, Odette Yustman, Vanessa Shaw, Joy Bryant, Anna Paquin, Stephen Moyer, Laila Ali, Jenna Dewan, Brittany Snow, Bryce Dallas Howard, Dita Von Teese and a fit looking Nicole Richie:
8212875
Posted: 17th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Redjeson Hausteen Presents The Horror And Hope In Haiti, In Pictures
WHAT can you say about the Horror in Haiti? Do you salute yourselves as the Sun does, cheering the £250,000 its readers have raised? Do you look for hope, leading with a picture of Redjeson Hausteen being reunited with his mother – the two-year-old who was trapped for three days and saved by his parents? Most papers opt for young Hausteen, his joyous face a banister to grab hold of as your descend into the hell. Donate here. Anorak’s photographer is in Haiti. The pictures that follow are harrowing, horrific, hopeful and ultimately human. You look. But what do you see?
Posted: 17th, January 2010 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment
Madeleine McCann: A Celebrity Banquet, Kate McCann Stars And Amaral Rebuttal
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann: sniffer dogs, defaince, gagging and a celebrity dinner and lament:
Madeleine McCann: The Story In Pictures
BACK when Our Maddie was the cause celebre and the great and good were queuing up to donate to the reward fund and wear the T-shirt, a dinner would have been the event not to be missed event. Which jobbing celeb would dare to turn an invite down?
Madeleine McCann: When Will It End?
But now, who would go? The Express delivers:
MCCANNS’ STAR-FILLED PARTY TO BOOST FUND
And we learn:
DEFIANT Kate and Gerry McCann will mark the 1,000th day since their daughter disappeared with a celebrity packed £150-a-head fundraising dinner and auction at a top London venue.
Can anyone stand to eat? Does the food stick on the way down?
Tycoon Sir Richard Branson and their businessman backer Brian Kennedy will join stars at Kensington Roof Gardens in west London on January 27.
Any bands or cabaret?
Radio Five’s Nicky Campbell and children’s author JK Rowling have also been invited.
And they’re coming, right? Hey, it’s for Our Maddie. Do they dare refuse?
Says Kate, 41: “We will raise money for Madeleine’s Fund and the ongoing search for her. If our circumstances remain unchanged, this day will sadly mark 1,000 days since Madeleine was taken from us.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 17th, January 2010 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann | Comments (83)
Amy Winehouse: Blake’s ‘Secret’ Lover Sarah Aspin Tells Of Cluedo Sex And Marriage
AMY Winehouse’s gone-off former husband Blake Fielder–Civil has a “secret” fiancée. It’s Sarah Aspin. And sex in the style of a game of Cluedo.
Pretty much everything about Blake is secret. How big are his feet? Does he dress to the left? Brown or Miliband?
But we do learn that Blake has been dating “pretty brunette” Sarah Aspin, who met Blaaaaaake at a drugs rehab centre.
He even PROPOSED to her and talked about having CHILDREN with her… while setting up a second wedding to Amy, 26, in St Lucia next month.
And we know this because Sarah tells us:
“We didn’t even make it to the bedroom and made love in the living room as soon as we got in.”
Left or right, Sarah? We need to know.
“I lay in his arms afterwards that night and we discussed wedding plans. We decided we’d get married on a tropical beach and honeymoon in Mexico.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 17th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Susan Boyle’s Mars Bar Makes Her A Victim Of Media Manipulation
SUSAN Boyle Watch: the Daily Mail does its bit to advance the tabloid plot to destroy Susan Boyle. today’s weapon of choice is a Mars bar. Trills the headline:
Susan Boyle on Oprah: First pictures of SuBo on U.S. talk show as fears grow over her erratic behaviour
Ben Todd and Sara Nathan have been watching the telly.
The first pictures emerged today of Susan Boyle’s much-hyped appearance on Oprah as fears grew over her increasingly unusual behaviour.
This alleged unusual behaviour was Boyle sucking her thumb as a joke and pratting about with a mop. Unusual for an international pop star, undoubtedly. Normal behaviour would see the shun the fans, demand only red M&Ms in her pill box and shag loads groupies while off her face on smack.
The Media Manipulates Images To Make Susan Boyle Look Weak Minded
The Mail reproduces its cropped shot of SuBo sucking a thumb, omitting the people gathered about her chortling as the star plays the fool.
Read the rest of this entry »
Madeleine McCann: Amaral ‘Fala Com McCanns’ And Ten More Years
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann: Ten more years, gawping at Kate McCann, Amaral the panto baddie (boo- hiss – f*** off) and libel…
FIRST the good news for the voracious media in the never-ending story of Our Maddie, as the Daily Star says:
MCCANN FIGHT MAY RAGE ON FOR 10 YEARS
After ten more years of Our Maddie, the Star will have to return to Katie Price updates. But ten years is not too shabby. If the Daily Express can do it with Princess Diana for a decade, the Star’s sister paper can darn well do it for Our Maddie. It’s the least it can do.
Former detective Goncalo Amaral has vowed to take the fight to get his controversial book published to the European Court of Human Rights if he loses his current case.
But legal experts say that process could take a decade. Mr Amaral’s book claims Madeleine died in her family’s holiday flat in Praia da Luz, Portugal.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 15th, January 2010 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann | Comment
Celebrity Big Brother: Katia Ivanova’s Sex Tape
CELEBRITY Big Brother: Katia Ivanova’s sex tape is out there. The Star says Katia “leapt into bed with randy DJ” and fish fancier Basshunter “for the TV cameras”.
So we can look forward to a Ronnie Wood-eye view of a former cocktail waitress and alleged orgy makeweight shagging one of the top dozen leading Scandinavian electro-pop DJs.
Katie Price’s Career As Jordan (NSFW)
The Star says Katia “bedded” the “Swedish star” to win more votes. It calls the move “desperate”. So desperate is it that the Star pushes the news on its not-in-the-least-bit-desperate front page.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 15th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)
In Pictures: Cristiano Ronaldo’s Armani Adverts
CRISTIANO Ronaldo is the star of the new Armani ads. Ronaldo was ever the shy, introverted character, but banished self doubt to remove his top and strike a variety of poses that Michelangelo would have used for David had he thought outside the box. Anorak now brings you the pictures of Ronaldo posing for Armani. In his pants:
Posted: 13th, January 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (3)
British Suicide Bombers Strike For Better And More Plentiful Virgins
IN Suicide bombers to strike again, Yampster brings chilling news of BOOM and Bust:
SUICIDE bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management have so far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% next January from 72 to only 54. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers’ union, the British Organisation of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action.
General secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, “Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of jihad. We don’t ask for much in return but to be treated like this by management is a kick in the teeth.”
Mr Amir accepted the limited availability of virgins but pointed out that the cutbacks were expected to be borne entirely by the workforce and not by management. “Last Christmas Abu Hamza alone was awarded an annual bonus of 25,000 virgins,” complains Amir. “And you can be sure they’ll all be pretty ones too. How can Al – Qaeda afford that for members of the management but not 72 for the people who do the real work?”
Speaking from a shed somewhere in the West Midlands, where he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained,
“We sympathise with our workers’ concerns but Al – Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern day jihad, in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It’s a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don’t like cutting wages but I’d hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won’t be able to blow themselves up.”
He defended management bonuses by claiming these were necessary to attract good fanatical clerics. “How am I supposed to attract the best people if I can’t compete with the private sector?” asked Mr.Bin Laden.
Talks broke down this morning after management’s last ditch proposal of a virgin sharing scheme was rejected outright after a failure to agree on orifice allocation quotas. One virgin, who refused to be named, was quoted as saying “I’ll be buggered if I’m agreeing to anything like that…it’s too much to swallow”.
Unless some sort of agreement is reached over the weekend, suicide bombers will put down explosives at midday on Monday. Most branches are supporting the strike. Only the North London branch, which has a different union, is likely to continue working.
However, some members of that branch will only be using explosives from the waist down, in order to express solidarity with their striking brethren.
Join the forums, fomrrly known as Anorak Jihad
Islam4UK Renamed Gary Glitter Appreciation Society
Posted: 13th, January 2010 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (3)
