Anorak

Sports | Anorak - Part 243

Sports Category

Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.

Ten Odd Things Banned From Football Grounds

FEW things are not banned from football grounds these days. The chants of old have been replaced by the steward’s shrill command “Sit down”. Anorak looks at ten things banned from our grounds, where passion is policed:

PARROTS

A PARROT was banned from Hatfield Town for imitating the referee’s whistle during a crunch match between local rivals Hatfield Town and Hertford Heath.

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Posted: 22nd, January 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment (1)


China Wants Pole Dancing As Olympic Sport

LUO Lan is the woman who introduced pole dancing to China. She is performing at the Guangxi Province Spring Festival gala.

Luo tells the New Express newspaper that her dream is to bring pole dancing to the Olympic Games.

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Posted: 20th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (2)


Gaga For Kaka: Tabloid Bingo For the Player Not As Shit As He Sounds

EVERYONE is going ga-ga for Kaka, the player who is not nearly as shit as he sounds.

But how much is he worth? Anorak puts a price at 15 gazillion, plus image rights, a free selection of SIX glass tumblers and as many fish fingers and pots of ownbrand sweet ‘n’ sour cook-in sauce he can place neatly in a two-minute Asda trolley dash.

The Sun: City bid £243m for Kaka

Daily Mirror: The £108m Man

Daily Star: A fee of £75million plus agents’ and other fees of a further £32million – £107m

Daily Mail: £100millon.

AC Milan last night paved the way for Brazil star Kaka to complete a £100million move to Manchester City by giving him permission to speak to the Premier League club.

DAILY TELEGRAPH: £135million – via the Sporting Life

£130m – via the BBC

Telegraph: Milan allow Kaka to speak with Manchester City after new £135m bid

Guardian: Kaka would join City for £108m, the agents involved would earn £18m and the player’s father £9m – £135m

Some way to go until the deal is done, and with exchange rate son the move, looks out for bids in excess of a £billion any day…

Posted: 16th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (3)


FAIL: Nintendo Wii bowler smashes own TV

Yeah, that’s why it comes with a wrist strap, doofus…

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Posted: 14th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


Do you love or hate Cristiano Ronaldo?

Few sportsmen divide opinion as much as Cristiano Ronaldo. In that respect, he’s the Marmite of the sporting world. Where do you stand? Vote below:

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Posted: 14th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (3)


Viagra can improve your football skills

A doctor for a Brazilian football team has claimed that Viagra can improve your performance – your football performance, to clarify – at high altitudes.

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Posted: 14th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (2)


Steven Gerrard Embroiled In Miscarriage Of Justice

GIVEN that England footballer Steven Gerrard can do no wrong, it’s a wonder that the matter of his alleged involvement in a night spot spat should interest the police, let alone the media.

Let’s just all nod our heads and agree that Stevie was tripped, was only being a professional and had Frank Lampard been arrested and sent down for life, England’s midfield problem would be a nagging issue of the past.

But the story goes on and today the Mirror leads with:

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Posted: 14th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comment


Footballer taunts fans with Munich air disaster mime

JOHN Lawless, who plays for Merseyside lower-league side Marine FC, faces disciplinary action after making an aeroplane gesture that allegedly alluded to the Munich air disaster:

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Posted: 13th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (2)


In praise of David Vine

David Vine, the inimitable voice of Ski Sunday for almost 20 years, has died at the age of 73.

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Posted: 12th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comment


VIDEO: Amazing, sexy football commercial

That’s amazing and sexy, rather than amazingly sexy. An important distinction…

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Posted: 12th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comment


Victoria Beckham looks ridiculous in Milan

Short-ass mac, check. Massive sunglasses, check. Six-inch heels, check. Embarrassed kids, check…

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Posted: 12th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (5)


Zara Phillips’ HAB Done For Drink Driving (Again)

NOT a good week for sportsmen and motors, is it? First, Cristiano Ronaldo wrote off his new Ferrari. Now comes news that Mike Tindall, professional rugby player, Jason Statham lookalike and HAB (Husband and Boyfriend) of royal filly Zara Phillips, has been convicted for drink driving – and not for the first time.

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Posted: 9th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (3)


VIDEO: Cristiano Ronaldo’s Wrecked Ferrari

WOW, he really trashed that thing…

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Posted: 9th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (4)


Is Shane Warne Behind The Pietersen v England Fiasco?

Rumours abound that the reason KP walked was because he wanted old Hampshire buddy Shane Warne to take over from the now-deposed Peter Moores as head coach of England. The ECB were never going to go for that.

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Posted: 9th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


Cristiano Ronaldo Picks Up His Ferrari Courtesy Car

CRISTIANO Ronaldo, the Manchester United greaser, slammed his Ferrari into a wall on his way to training at the team’s Carrington training ground.

One hour you’re looking in the rearview mirror and the next second, whammo!

Mirror, signal, mirror, mirror, mirror, mirror, signal, mirror, mirror, manoeuvre wet finger to eyebrow, mirror…bang!

Not to worry, though.

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Posted: 8th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


VIDEO: Detroit Lions fan gets tattoo to celebrate 0-16 season

When your team goes the whole season without winning a single game, as the Detroit Lions did this year, how you gonna celebrate/commiserate? With a tattoo, of course:

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Posted: 8th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (2)


Man v ski lift: who you got?

THE week’s best story involved a malicious ski lift and a very, VERY embarrassed skier…

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Posted: 8th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comment


English Rugby Gets Into Bed With Mills & Boon

You’re looking at the cover of The Prince’s Waitress Wife by Sarah Morgan. Notice anything strange about the cover, which at first glance appears to be a formulaic romantic scene? Yes, it’s the red rose of the RFU, aka England’s rugby-union authority.

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Posted: 8th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (3)


Spear fisherman catches… himself

FAIL of the year so far, no question:

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Posted: 7th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comment


Extreme Sports With Jesus, Bringing Of Snow

JESUS is a great ski buddy. He never gets your lost. Here’s to extreme sports with Jesus:

Posted: 7th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


FAIL: Gymnast dismounts onto head

How NOT to dismount from the parallel bars…

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Posted: 7th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comment


Kevin Pietersen makes good on his New Year’s resolution

ACHY-BREAKING NEWS! Kevin Pietersen has quit as captain of England’s cricket team. So reports go, at least.

Yes folks, the man with the biggest ego in cricket has picked himself first, and to hell with the needs of his team in this Ashes year.

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Posted: 7th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


VIDEO: American football star draws Jesus

Yes, you read the headline right: he draws Jesus Christ. The star in question is quarterback Kurt Warner, who plays in the NFL for Arizona Cardinals and also happens to be a devout Christian. Watch the video:

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Posted: 6th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comment


Spanish ref shows 19 red cards in one game

This from the Daily Telegraph:

“Recreativo Linense were beating Saladillo Algesiras 1-0 in the regional first division of the southern province of Cadiz before referee Jose Manuel Barro Escandon stopped the match.

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Posted: 6th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comment


David Beckham Watch: Becks misses hot cheerleaders

IN a brief interview with German’s Bild newspaper, David Beckham denied that he had plans to remain in Europe after his loan deal with AC Milan expires in March.

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Posted: 6th, January 2009 | In: Sports | Comment