Anorak

Sports | Anorak - Part 245

Sports Category

Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.

Mark Lawrenson Predicts Robbie Keane To Win Golden Boot

“LAWR-DOH,” screams the Sun’s back page as Mark Lawrenson has been “left red faced by a hugely embarrassing on-air gaffe that has enraged Liverpool fans”.

What’s he done to upset the famously stoic Liverpudlians?

Nodding his head on Today FM, Lawrenson reveals:

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Posted: 17th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


Detroit Lions edge closer to the wrong kind of “perfect season”

No NFL team has ever finished the regular season with a 0-16 record. The Tampa Bay Bucs went 0-14 in 1976, but that was in the days of a less hectic schedule, and it was their first ever season in the league.

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Posted: 17th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comment


Tiger Woods displeased with foul-mouthed caddy

At a recent charity event in New Zealand, Tiger Wood’s caddy, Steve Williams, slagged off Phil Mickelson (who happens to be his employer’s biggest rival):

“I wouldn’t call Mickelson a great player, ’cause I hate the prick,” Williams growled.

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Posted: 17th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


The inevitable and regrettable sacking of Paul Ince

THE beleaguered Guvnor has been relieved of his Guvnorship at Ewood Park, after just six months in charge.

The stats support the case for Ince’s dismissal: Blackburn currently lie 19th in the Premier League, mired in the dreaded relegation zone, with only three wins in 17 games.

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Posted: 16th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (2)


Video: John Pantsil floored by phantom headbutt

IN which Fulham midfielder John Pantsil attempts to get Stoke City’s Ricardo Fuller sent off…

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Posted: 16th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comment


The eternal mysteries of the bidet

SPORTING quote of the day:

“We made these players [Ezequiel Lavezzi, Marek Hamsik, Walter Gargano and Fabiano Santacroce]… two years ago nobody knew who they were.

If they want to go to England then in the end they’re going to go, but they need to understand this: the English live badly, eat badly and their women do not wash their genitalia. To them, a bidet is a mystery.”

Aurelio De Laurentiis, president of Napoli football club.

Does De Laurentiis believe that English men, by contrast with the womenfolk of this fair land, have managed to solve the mystery that is the bidet? Because we haven’t. Not even close.

Posted: 16th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (2)


Iraqi Shoe Chucker ‘Munty’ Muntadar To Play For England

GOOD news that Iraqi journalist and champion shoe tosser Muntadar al-Zeidi has unearthed a British granny and can play cricket for England.

But first he must be released from where he is having the souls of his feet mercilessly tickled.

The Sun says:

“Thousands of Iraqis took to the streets…to demand the release” of the man many are calling “The New Botham”.

The Suns adds:

“They yelled in Arabic: ‘This is a farewell kiss, you dog…this is from the widows, the orphans and those who were killed in Iraq!”

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Posted: 16th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (7)


India vs England, first Test: XI conclusions

1. Let’s get the inevitable cliche out of the way first: cricket was the real winner in this contest. Sport 1, Terrorism 0. The fact India and England produced one of the most gripping tests of the 21st century… well, that’s a bonus. And how fitting that Mumbai boy Sachin Tendulkar should hit the winning runs.

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Posted: 15th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


American football is not “action-packed”

A one-hour game of pro American football usually takes around three hours to complete, thanks to a steady flow of time-outs and other scheduled interruptions, most of which have been specifically designed so lucky fans get to watch a lot of adverts and drink a lot of beer whilst they’re doing it.

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Posted: 15th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


Lewis Hamilton snubbed by Great British public

Nigel Mansell and Damon Hill first won the Beeb’s Sports Personality of the Year award in years when they didn’t even win the F1 world title (Mansell in 1986, Hill in 1994). They went on to win the award for a second time, in years when they both won their first and only F1 titles (Mansell in 1992, Hill in 1996).

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Posted: 15th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (3)


Former Falcons Star Michael Vick Earns Like A Blogger

MICHAEL Vick, the disgraced American football star, is is choky. He has a head for figures. Whe he gets out he can run an investment bank, or a blog:

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution examined former Falcons quarterback Michael Vick’s bankruptcy documents and found that the former NFL star squandered $18.2 million and now makes only $12.98 a month off an investment. He spent more than $200,000 just hours before heading off to a 2-year federal prison sentence for his role in a dog-fighting ring.

$12.98 a month.

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Posted: 13th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comment


Sporting Injuries: Thai Boxer Corey Hill’s Broken Leg

TO the opening bout of the UFC Fight for the Troops benefit show on Wednesday night in Fayetteville, N.C. Corye Hill aims a kick:

MMAWeekly.com had Hill winning the opening round of the fight. But during the second stanza, Hill threw a leg kick that Hartt checked with his shin. As Hartt checked the kick, Hill’s leg broke in a rather grotesque manner, leaving the crowd in a stunned silence as Hill crumbled to the mat.

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Posted: 12th, December 2008 | In: Photojournalism, Sports | Comment


The 12 Most Wanted Least Wanted Football Chants And Chanters

GOOD news that two Spurs fans have been arrested for aiming homophobic chants at Portsmouth Town footballer Sol Campbell.

In all 16 suspects have been caught on camera singing songs about the player.

And once these are dealt with, the police will round up any and all other sick-midned fans. The 12 Most Wanted Least Wanted Football Chants And Chanters (NSFW):

Do you know the fans who…:

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Posted: 11th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (8)


Vinnie Jones Is Done In Sixty Seconds

MORE on the Vinnie Jones fight that promises to do wonders for Vinnie’s career as professional actor and Premier League ambassador for peace.

Vinnie faces allegations of assault. Such is the Jones brand that the allegations could destroy his reputation as a gentle man of letters and knowing.

The only hope is that Sun readers will not linger too long on the shot if Jones’ stitched up face and recall his work with the Bone China school of acting…

Note: The Sun says that at some time during the fracas, Jones was seen sporting a cap bearing the legend LA Dodgers. It is said that a Mr Chris Breed did opine: “LA suck.” A source tells us: “Vinnie said. ‘What’s your problem?”

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Posted: 10th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (5)


After Beijing: A Mongolian Legacy For London 2012

AFTER the 2012 Olympics, the Olympic village will be transformed into the “lungs of East London”, a venue where those not already evicted from the homes and business can come and with big hearty coughs clear their lungs of the city’s visible air.

For those of you who doubt the power of the Olympic legacy, consider the glories of White City (1908; turn left at the Fly Over) and the wonder that is Wembley (turn right at Ikea and watch out for traffic).

Says the message in the flame:

We need a powerful brand to help us achieve our ambition. A brand that combines the power of the Olympic rings and the city of London together. The number 2012 is our brand. It is universal and understandable worldwide

As Waltham Forest borough council hymned.

“The Olympics will promote sport and healthy living in the capital,” it says. “We can now look forward to seeing the area regenerate with the best sporting, leisure and cultural facilities the world has ever seen.”

And that legacy could last all the way to 2009. The Waltham College swimming pool is now managed on a day to day basis by GeLL. “It is anticipated that the pool will continue to operate until June 2009 subject to ongoing review by GLL, the Local Authority and the College.”

“It’s happening here,” trills the Waltham Forest Council slogan. “And it will continue to happen here while everyone’s looking. Then we’ll most likely shut the borough’s biggest public pool.”

Over in Beijing the Olympic legacy is make terrific strides in enduring progress and 21st Century bleeding-edge synergies etcetera and so forth:

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Posted: 9th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment (1)


What’s More Dangerous: Biking Or Jogging?

IS riding a motorcycle at great speed more or less dangerous than joggin? Discuss:

Posted: 9th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comment


Death Of The Wags: A Play

LADIES and gentlemen, Anorak Playhouse Theatre presents: “DEATH OF THE WAG.”

We join the action on the front page of the Daily Star where Wags are being “savaged by a top Premier League football boss”.

That’s the poster and tagline for the main event sorted. Tickets are sold at 20p a pop. The lights dim. A hulking figure takes centre stage and blasts:

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Posted: 9th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


Let’s Rip Those Brits To Bits And Other Australian Olympic Sports

DID you know that Great Britain, or Team GB as the brand says, scored more gold medals than Australia at the China Olympics?

And did you know what else – the best bit about it is? The Australians cared. They cared enough to produce a film of “a posturing Pom” – “a Brit with a mouth as wide as the Thames” – telling Australians:

“You haven’t got what it takes . . . the only gold you will be picking up is from a chocolate wrapper.”

Indeed. Britons are no longer whingeing Poms. Britons are gloating, brash, cock-sure winners.

Let’s rip the Brits to bits in London 2012,” comes the Aussie slogan.

Higher. Faster. Sadder. That’s the new motto of the Australian Olympic movement. If there one thing that makes winning a swimming medal worthwhile it is seeing the loser take it to heart.

Britain Expects

Of course the message is all wrong. Britain’s new motto may be Dipso Tesco Asbo, but we are noble sports to a man and had the Australians only asked we’d have most likely given them a medal for turning up, or invented new game for them to win.

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Posted: 8th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (5)


Listed: XI football pundits who don’t deserve to survive the credit crunch

There are too many bad football pundits and commentators. Here are 11 we can live without…

Tim Lovejoy
Professional football bore with less charm than Peter Mandelson. Lovejoy is the poster boy for every football-loving, lager-swilling, vindaloo-eating, Nuts-reading, Ben Sherman-wearing, Sky dish-owning, Ford Focus-driving, small-town, small-minded lad. Yes, we know you supported Chelsea back when they were crap. Well done. Now shut up.

David ‘Platty’ Platt
Less-than-zero personality – god damn, his voice is dull – and his face is out of proportion, a bit like Admiral Ackbar’s.

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Posted: 8th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comment


Moment of Zen: Vinnie Jones glassed during US bar brawl

I didn’t shed a single tear on hearing that Vinne Jones had been glassed in the face during a bar fight in South Dakota. Jones’ nose was reportedly cut to the bone after a pool player hurled a beer glass at him; Jones retaliated by attacking one of the perpetrator’s friends:

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Posted: 8th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (3)


Want to make easy money? Bet on the Carling Cup semi-finals

ON Saturday 6 December, the draw for the semi-finals of the Carling Cup takes place.

There are four teams left in the pot. They are:

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Posted: 4th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


Where did all the moustaches go?

IN Britain today, the only acceptable moustache today is an ironic moustache, perhaps grown for charity – in ‘Movember’ – or for a bet.

Who’s to blame?

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Posted: 4th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


Video: the best dive in football history?

… Or should that be the worst dive in football history? We’re not sure. Either way, you have to admire his balls (cough):

For the record, this happened in a Colombian league match earlier this week. Incredibly, the ref awarded a penalty to home side Atletico Junior, which they duly converted. There is no justice in sport.

Posted: 4th, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


Listed: 10 reasons why American sports fans have more fun

1. Cheerleaders
It’s a bad thing that Americans need to be told when to cheer, but hey… some cheerleaders > no cheerleaders.

2. Guns
They have guns across the pond! And their sports stars are always getting into entertaining scrapes with them. This week, for example, NY Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress (real name) shot himself in the leg in a Manhattan nightclub. Awesome.

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Posted: 3rd, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (5)


Carly Zucker trapped in six-star reality hell

CARLY Zucker may have left the jungle but ‘I’m A Celeb…’ producers have reportedly ignored her tearful requests to fly home and get her hands on fiance Joe Cole’s “buff bod” (her words, not ours).

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Posted: 3rd, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (2)