Sports | Anorak - Part 247

Sports Category

Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.

Nig-Nogs At The Stadium Of Light

A PENSIONER football supporter who yelled out “Don’t pass it to that dirty nig-nog” has been banned from all English and Welsh football matches and all England away games for three years.

The 69-year-old from Wearside in North East England shouted the remark in the hearing of two undercover detectives on a racist watch in Sunderland’s Stadium Of Light in May this year.

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Posted: 10th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (8)

All The Drama From Wayne Rooney’s Brithday Party

HOT sporting insight in the Sun is that nothing happened at Wayne Rooney’s 23rd birthday party.

That sensation in full:

NO arrests
NO gobbing on photgraphers
NO arrests
NO arrests

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Posted: 4th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (3)

Black-Faced Spaniards Cheer On Lewis Hamilton

LEWIS Hamilton is a champion driver and an inspiration to millions of youngsters.

It just goes to show that with a multi-million pound corporation behind you, the best car and dedication you any young Britisher can make it to very top of motor racing, rain permitting.

Anorak has trawled the message boars for some words of cheer:

Having seen those pictures of black-faced Spaniards, let’s hope they too can get behind one of their own and cheer Lewis on! – El And Black

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Posted: 3rd, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

Rooney Wears Bobby Charlton’s Old Wig

ANOTHER day and with another chance for the Sun to turn Wayne Rooney into a laughing stock.

Thee La Roon sat in a chair while behind him stands Rio Ferdinand, in whose hands idle a pair of clippers.

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Posted: 3rd, November 2008 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comments (8)

Up For The Colander: GAA To Drill Holes In Trophies

PET irritants: No 34251 – Allowing a child related to a member of the cup winning team to claim the cup and then handle the cup on the field of play.

Cup should be thrown about the park between players only; cup lid should be worn on player’s head; cup should be taken into winning team’s changing room and filled with alcohol; cup should be thown in communal bath…

Unless the Gaelic Athletic Association is involved:

The fizz could be taken out of post match GAA celebrations after some officials said they may consider drilling holes in trophies in a bid to stop players filling them with alcohol.

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Posted: 31st, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comment (1)

Spanish Hamster Waiters Out To Crucify Lewis Hamilton

TO Spain, where the locals are seeking revenge on the damage inflicted to Spanish hamster waiters by attacking stand-up British racing driver Lewis Hamilton.


The Star has been trawling internet message boards and found a few people who – get this – have nasty things to say about Our Lewis, now based in Switzerland.

“A sick message from a man called Angel, who posted a nail for Lewis on lap 11, raged: ‘I hope you crash, son of a bitch.’”

A nail? Can you post an actual item on the web? (It’s not called the information superhighway for nothing! – Ed)

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Posted: 31st, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (6)

Kiwi Rugby Player Slurs Bad Teeth Britain

IAN Henderson, a former player with the Bradford Bulls rugby league team says Castleford was “the worst place” he had lived in.

Mr Henderson said “moving there just kills you” and added people “drank themselves silly”.

Local MP Yvette Cooper described the comments as an “outrageous slur”.


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Posted: 25th, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (5)

David Beckham To Take Football And Nylons To Italy

DAVID Beckham is in talks with Italy’s AC Milan.

With the US gone soccerball cray-zeee, Day-vid now needs to bring the game to the rest of the world.

Day-vid will be brining nylons, tinned food, democracy and bananas…

Posted: 22nd, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (14)

Wayne Rooney Polishes Head For England

ANOTHER day, and yet another attempt to squeeze a cheap laugh out of the mighty Wayne Rooney.

Today Wayne is wearing a curly wig, an Amy Winehouse beehive and a Bobby Charlton comb over, the hairstyle Sir Bobby famously wore over his luxurious crop of auburn locks.

The reason for this?

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Posted: 22nd, October 2008 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment

12 Gay Premier League Footballers Named


So says the Daily Star. The front-page outing is illustrated by a mugshot of strapping hetero Sol Campbell and a picture of Abby Clancy, who as a jobbing Wag must be considering a sex change to keep her career intact and open to offers.

Says the Star:

At least 12 top Premier League football stars are secretly gay. The superstar dozen are even scared to confess their homosexuality to their team-mates.

Anorak can reveal that the 12 are collectively known as…

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Posted: 18th, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (3)

Robbie Savage Cuts Your Legs Off

SPORTING insight of the day: footballer Robbie Savage explains his love for Brighton FC.

“There are kids out there who’d chop their legs off to play football for Brighton”

Robbie Savage on equal opportunities football. Look out for Abu Hamza in goal…

Catch it!


Posted: 17th, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (2)

La Marseillaise: Booing The French And Gordon Brown Off

HOW do you stop a football match before it has begun?

Any football match in France before which the country’s national anthem is booed will now be “immediately stopped”, French Sports Minister Roselyne Bachelot said Wednesday after meeting with President Nicolas Sarkozy.

Anthems are played before the game, right?

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Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

Name A German Other Than Dirk Nowitzki And David Hasselhoff

THE Washington Post hears the following exchange between a German hack for the Bild tabloid and Caron Butler, a player with the Washington Wizards basketball team:

Q. Which Germans do you know besides [Dallas Maverick] Dirk Nowitzki?

A. Is David Hasselhoff German?

I heard that you all like him.

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Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (5)

Fabio Capello Spots England’s Strange Girlfriends

FABIO Capello spots the Wags:

“It was possible to meet the women, the wives or the official girlfriends. Not strange girlfriends”England manager Fabio Capello on training camps in his club days

Who are these strange girlfriends, a tribe of untanned women in sensible shoes who shy away from cameras and have no ambitions to be TV presenters, models or designers?

They say they smell of talc, Ralgex and BO, but until the scent is bottled, how can we be certain?

Posted: 15th, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (3)

Wayne Rooney Predicts: Cheryl Cole To Win

WAYNE Rooney is the Sun’s Mr Ben, getting dresses up whenever wife Coleen wants to tell us a secret about his once private life.

Today Wayne is wearing a turban, rings on his fingers and a look of wonder.

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Posted: 15th, October 2008 | In: Sports, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Man City The Next Club In Crisis

WEST Ham is in the mire. And Man City?

Dubai may need help from Abu Dhabi and the United Arab Emirates government to finance a surge in borrowing that paid for the world’s tallest tower, palm tree- shaped man-made islands and stakes in banks worldwide.

That’s the transfer kitty gone…

Anyone know what they did with Peter Swailes ?


Al Sugar’s 54-A-Side Manchester City

Al Qaeda Will Attack Manchester City At 8pm On 05 November 2007

Posted: 14th, October 2008 | In: Back pages, Sports | Comments (8)

Lewis Hamilton Walks To Work

AS Tim Blair notes, Formula One’s sop to global warming might not be enough:

This might be the most tokenistic tokenism in the entire history of Tokentown:

Formula One racing will show its support for the FIA’s Make Cars Green campaign by running on unique green-grooved tyres at this weekend’s Japanese Grand Prix.

Those stripey Gaia tyres (taias!) are attached to vehicles that consume about 190 litres of fuel during a 300km race.

Lewis Hamilton walks to work…

Posted: 12th, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

The End Of Football’s Age Of Innocence: Melanie Slade Strips Off

SETANTA. Director of football (not to be confused with football director). Theo Walcott. Lots of clean toilets at Wembley Stadium. Man City playing beach soccer. Dennis Wise in a suit and not appearing in court.

All parts of football’s brave new world.

But it’s not all change. No one told Melanie Slade, Walcott’s lover, that time has moved on. And here she in the Sun making a “great career mauve” in a lilac bikini.

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Posted: 11th, October 2008 | In: Back pages, Sports | Comments (9)

Nodding Heads: Berbatov Goes, Keane Goes, Defoe Goes

NODDING Heads: Just one more thing, Paul Merson

“They’re bottom of the league for one reason alone. Berbatov goes, Keane goes, Defoe goes” – Paul Merson on the Spurs season so far, Sky Sports

More sporting insight to follow…

Posted: 10th, October 2008 | In: Sports, TV & Radio | Comment

Nodding Heads: Jamie Redknapp Knows

NODDING heads: Jamie Redknapp knows…

“Give Cahill one chance and he’ll score. He missed that last one but he’s so dangerous” – Jamie Redknapp

More sporting insight to follow…

Posted: 10th, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

The Smell Of Victory: The Scent Of Football

SMELL that? That is the smell of Liverpool FC.

L4Men leads with the intense freshness of Robbie Keane and the garlic-infused sparkle of Fernando Torres.

Note the virile blend of frustration and star anise which finishes down with undertones of second-hand tyre and gold top.

This is Liverpool’s attempt to dethrone Beckham as the official smell of football. Right now L4Men is the official scent of the Premier League, but we can expect Liverpool’s rivals to up the stakes and take more vigorous approaches to the challenge of advancing the brand.

Here are some of the other odours that should be wafting through the grounds next season:

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Posted: 10th, October 2008 | In: Back pages, Liverpool, manchester united, Sports, Spurs | Comments (3)

Australians Spend More On Gambling Than On Food

DID you know that Australians spend far more on gambling than they do on food?

In 2006-07, the land Down Under spent almost AS$91.5 million, or AS$4350 per head, on food, Bureau of Statistics figures say.

But in 2005-06 adults spent AS$148 million – an average of $9491 each – on gambling. These figures do also include tourists, although they, one presumes, eat, too.

Is this because food in Australia is cheap – how much can insects and fizzy urine cost?
But people with a cause interpret the figures differently, and Family First senator Steve Fielding says it shows people are spending too much on gambling.

Says he: “The Rudd Government can halve the number of problem gamblers by supporting Family First’s poker machine plans. This would, over time, get poker machines out of our local clubs and pubs and restrict pokies to racetracks and casinos.”

But are Australians gambling too much? Or eating too little..?


Posted: 12th, June 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (2)

US Casinos To Spy On Punters

WHAT is it about gamblers that people who don’t gamble are so suspicious of?

Over the newswires, the Poker Anorak gets this message: “Deadbeat parents, listen up: Win big at the casino tables in West Virginia or Colorado, and your kids might win, too.”

Why should deadbeat mums and dads be at the casino, rather than, say, at the off license, supermarket or circling life’s plughole while sat on the sofa watching Jeremy Kyle?

The states plan to “garnish” the winnings of casino gamblers who owe child support. (Did they say “garnish?)

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Posted: 29th, May 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

WSOP Players Turn To Testosterone

THE Poker Anorak has long bemoaned women only poker tournaments as being divisive and insulting to women and men.

It’s not tennis, US politics or snooker; it’s poker.

At their worst, women’s only tourneys are like watching Loose Women, the shoot-me-now daytime telly show in which journalists, the institutionalised and heavily medicated watch a panel of Z-list celebrity women talks about incontinence, bosoms and useless men.

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Posted: 28th, May 2008 | In: Sports | Comment (1)

Poker Table Chatter: Clinton And Blacks

last-call.jpgAT the poker table, a conversation is being struck up:

“Where are you from?” she asks.
“New York City.”
“New York City! How about that. We’re from Arkansas! What do you all think about Mrs. Clinton up there?”

Riding the F-Train is prepared for this small talk. He’s been reading up.

Before leaving New York, I read something somewhere… that claimed that most of Arkansas thinks Bill and Hillary Clinton are gods. Never, under any circumstances, should you say anything negative about the Clintons to someone from Arkansas…

“We hate her,” the old woman states emphatically.”Yep! They’re real popular in Niggertown. Well, that’s what *we* call it.”

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Posted: 20th, May 2008 | In: Sports | Comment (1)