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Sports | Anorak - Part 246

Sports Category

Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.

Kiwi Rugby Player Slurs Bad Teeth Britain

IAN Henderson, a former player with the Bradford Bulls rugby league team says Castleford was “the worst place” he had lived in.

Mr Henderson said “moving there just kills you” and added people “drank themselves silly”.

Local MP Yvette Cooper described the comments as an “outrageous slur”.

Oneshtly…

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Posted: 25th, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (5)


David Beckham To Take Football And Nylons To Italy

DAVID Beckham is in talks with Italy’s AC Milan.

With the US gone soccerball cray-zeee, Day-vid now needs to bring the game to the rest of the world.

Day-vid will be brining nylons, tinned food, democracy and bananas…

Posted: 22nd, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (14)


Wayne Rooney Polishes Head For England

ANOTHER day, and yet another attempt to squeeze a cheap laugh out of the mighty Wayne Rooney.

Today Wayne is wearing a curly wig, an Amy Winehouse beehive and a Bobby Charlton comb over, the hairstyle Sir Bobby famously wore over his luxurious crop of auburn locks.

The reason for this?

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Posted: 22nd, October 2008 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment


12 Gay Premier League Footballers Named

THERE are “12 GAY PREMIER FOOTBALL STARS”.

So says the Daily Star. The front-page outing is illustrated by a mugshot of strapping hetero Sol Campbell and a picture of Abby Clancy, who as a jobbing Wag must be considering a sex change to keep her career intact and open to offers.

Says the Star:

At least 12 top Premier League football stars are secretly gay. The superstar dozen are even scared to confess their homosexuality to their team-mates.

Anorak can reveal that the 12 are collectively known as…

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Posted: 18th, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (3)


Robbie Savage Cuts Your Legs Off

SPORTING insight of the day: footballer Robbie Savage explains his love for Brighton FC.

“There are kids out there who’d chop their legs off to play football for Brighton”

Robbie Savage on equal opportunities football. Look out for Abu Hamza in goal…

Catch it!

Pssssssssss….

Posted: 17th, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (2)


La Marseillaise: Booing The French And Gordon Brown Off

HOW do you stop a football match before it has begun?

Any football match in France before which the country’s national anthem is booed will now be “immediately stopped”, French Sports Minister Roselyne Bachelot said Wednesday after meeting with President Nicolas Sarkozy.

Anthems are played before the game, right?

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Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comment


Name A German Other Than Dirk Nowitzki And David Hasselhoff

THE Washington Post hears the following exchange between a German hack for the Bild tabloid and Caron Butler, a player with the Washington Wizards basketball team:

Q. Which Germans do you know besides [Dallas Maverick] Dirk Nowitzki?

A. Is David Hasselhoff German?

I heard that you all like him.

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Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (5)


Fabio Capello Spots England’s Strange Girlfriends

FABIO Capello spots the Wags:

“It was possible to meet the women, the wives or the official girlfriends. Not strange girlfriends”England manager Fabio Capello on training camps in his club days

Who are these strange girlfriends, a tribe of untanned women in sensible shoes who shy away from cameras and have no ambitions to be TV presenters, models or designers?

They say they smell of talc, Ralgex and BO, but until the scent is bottled, how can we be certain?

Posted: 15th, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (3)


Wayne Rooney Predicts: Cheryl Cole To Win

WAYNE Rooney is the Sun’s Mr Ben, getting dresses up whenever wife Coleen wants to tell us a secret about his once private life.

Today Wayne is wearing a turban, rings on his fingers and a look of wonder.

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Posted: 15th, October 2008 | In: Sports, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment (1)


Man City The Next Club In Crisis

WEST Ham is in the mire. And Man City?

Dubai may need help from Abu Dhabi and the United Arab Emirates government to finance a surge in borrowing that paid for the world’s tallest tower, palm tree- shaped man-made islands and stakes in banks worldwide.

That’s the transfer kitty gone…

Anyone know what they did with Peter Swailes ?

Source

Al Sugar’s 54-A-Side Manchester City

Al Qaeda Will Attack Manchester City At 8pm On 05 November 2007

Posted: 14th, October 2008 | In: Back pages, Sports | Comments (8)


Lewis Hamilton Walks To Work

AS Tim Blair notes, Formula One’s sop to global warming might not be enough:

This might be the most tokenistic tokenism in the entire history of Tokentown:

Formula One racing will show its support for the FIA’s Make Cars Green campaign by running on unique green-grooved tyres at this weekend’s Japanese Grand Prix.

Those stripey Gaia tyres (taias!) are attached to vehicles that consume about 190 litres of fuel during a 300km race.

Lewis Hamilton walks to work…

Posted: 12th, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comment


The End Of Football’s Age Of Innocence: Melanie Slade Strips Off

SETANTA. Director of football (not to be confused with football director). Theo Walcott. Lots of clean toilets at Wembley Stadium. Man City playing beach soccer. Dennis Wise in a suit and not appearing in court.

All parts of football’s brave new world.

But it’s not all change. No one told Melanie Slade, Walcott’s lover, that time has moved on. And here she in the Sun making a “great career mauve” in a lilac bikini.

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Posted: 11th, October 2008 | In: Back pages, Sports | Comments (9)


Nodding Heads: Berbatov Goes, Keane Goes, Defoe Goes

NODDING Heads: Just one more thing, Paul Merson

“They’re bottom of the league for one reason alone. Berbatov goes, Keane goes, Defoe goes” – Paul Merson on the Spurs season so far, Sky Sports

More sporting insight to follow…

Posted: 10th, October 2008 | In: Sports, TV & Radio | Comment


Nodding Heads: Jamie Redknapp Knows

NODDING heads: Jamie Redknapp knows…

“Give Cahill one chance and he’ll score. He missed that last one but he’s so dangerous” – Jamie Redknapp

More sporting insight to follow…

Posted: 10th, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comment


The Smell Of Victory: The Scent Of Football

SMELL that? That is the smell of Liverpool FC.

L4Men leads with the intense freshness of Robbie Keane and the garlic-infused sparkle of Fernando Torres.

Note the virile blend of frustration and star anise which finishes down with undertones of second-hand tyre and gold top.

This is Liverpool’s attempt to dethrone Beckham as the official smell of football. Right now L4Men is the official scent of the Premier League, but we can expect Liverpool’s rivals to up the stakes and take more vigorous approaches to the challenge of advancing the brand.

Here are some of the other odours that should be wafting through the grounds next season:

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Posted: 10th, October 2008 | In: Back pages, Liverpool, manchester united, Sports, Spurs | Comments (3)


Australians Spend More On Gambling Than On Food

DID you know that Australians spend far more on gambling than they do on food?

In 2006-07, the land Down Under spent almost AS$91.5 million, or AS$4350 per head, on food, Bureau of Statistics figures say.

But in 2005-06 adults spent AS$148 million – an average of $9491 each – on gambling. These figures do also include tourists, although they, one presumes, eat, too.

Is this because food in Australia is cheap – how much can insects and fizzy urine cost?
But people with a cause interpret the figures differently, and Family First senator Steve Fielding says it shows people are spending too much on gambling.

Says he: “The Rudd Government can halve the number of problem gamblers by supporting Family First’s poker machine plans. This would, over time, get poker machines out of our local clubs and pubs and restrict pokies to racetracks and casinos.”

But are Australians gambling too much? Or eating too little..?

Source

Posted: 12th, June 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (2)


US Casinos To Spy On Punters

WHAT is it about gamblers that people who don’t gamble are so suspicious of?

Over the newswires, the Poker Anorak gets this message: “Deadbeat parents, listen up: Win big at the casino tables in West Virginia or Colorado, and your kids might win, too.”

Why should deadbeat mums and dads be at the casino, rather than, say, at the off license, supermarket or circling life’s plughole while sat on the sofa watching Jeremy Kyle?

The states plan to “garnish” the winnings of casino gamblers who owe child support. (Did they say “garnish?)

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Posted: 29th, May 2008 | In: Sports | Comment


WSOP Players Turn To Testosterone

THE Poker Anorak has long bemoaned women only poker tournaments as being divisive and insulting to women and men.

It’s not tennis, US politics or snooker; it’s poker.

At their worst, women’s only tourneys are like watching Loose Women, the shoot-me-now daytime telly show in which journalists, the institutionalised and heavily medicated watch a panel of Z-list celebrity women talks about incontinence, bosoms and useless men.

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Posted: 28th, May 2008 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


Poker Table Chatter: Clinton And Blacks

last-call.jpgAT the poker table, a conversation is being struck up:

“Where are you from?” she asks.
“New York City.”
“New York City! How about that. We’re from Arkansas! What do you all think about Mrs. Clinton up there?”

Riding the F-Train is prepared for this small talk. He’s been reading up.

Before leaving New York, I read something somewhere… that claimed that most of Arkansas thinks Bill and Hillary Clinton are gods. Never, under any circumstances, should you say anything negative about the Clintons to someone from Arkansas…

“We hate her,” the old woman states emphatically.”Yep! They’re real popular in Niggertown. Well, that’s what *we* call it.”

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Posted: 20th, May 2008 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


Playing Poker With Animals

EVER play poker with an animal?

They did:

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Posted: 19th, May 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (2)


Going Poker Blind At The WSOP, By Daniel Negreanu

poker-blind.jpgMORE on the stop-start WSOP, which starts in a few weeks, ends a few days later for a few months and starts again for a final flurry.

Writing in the Houston Chronicle, Daniel Negreanu considers the matter and says that the winner will be the one who uses the break best.

His position is that the schedule change will benefit those players that “study video of their opponents, seek expert coaching advice, and work on their game plans”.

Negreanu’s thinking is based on American Football which he says improved when teams began to study their opponents by watching videos of the games.

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Posted: 14th, May 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (3)


The WSOP Wait Is Unbearable

wsop-large.JPGYOU’Ve made it to the Main Event WSOP final table.

You and eight others are now vying to win the millions. You’re on a roll and keen to get on with it. You’re as hot as Vegas on July 14.

July? That’s too soon. You need to wait until Nov. 9 for the next hand to be dealt.
Jeffrey Pollack, the WSOP commissioner, says: “This is no different than the final chapter of American Idol or The Apprentice. It’s about building interest and excitement for the final chapter of this story.”

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Posted: 2nd, May 2008 | In: Sports | Comment


Waste Your Bankroll At The WSOP Academy: Poker Bonus

YOU can learn to play poker.

You can learn to play poker in a classroom, just as you can learn to drive a car in a dodgem, learn to be an astronaut in a game of Space Invaders and learn to play tennis by eating strawberries at Wimbledon.

In the Olympus Ballroom at the Caesars Indiana Hotel & Casino, the WSOP Academy is teaching people to play poker.

It’s a WSOP Academy poker camp.

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Posted: 10th, April 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (2)


The Most Memorable Poker Lyrics

YOU got to know when to gold ’em, know when to fold ’em…”

You gotta la-la-la-la-dum-dum, la-la-la dum-da-kerchum…

Who can forget the rousing theme song to the England rugby team’s World Cup bid?

But not all poker lyrics are so memorable. The Poker Anorak takes a look at five of the most interesting poker lyrics of all time:

5: Poker Lyrics – Electric Light Orchestra

Play me another hand,
Loose everything I am,
Until we meet again.

To rhyme “hand” and “gain” is no easy thing. But having achieved the barely possible, ELO move on to safer ground:

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Posted: 26th, March 2008 | In: Sports | Comment


Playing Poker With Democracy in New Mexico

poker-politics.jpgA POKER game in New Mexico has decided the outcome of an election.

It is democracy in evidence.

Well, it beats deciding who wins on Hanging Chads.

Over in the United States, Josie Richards has a pair of nines.

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Posted: 12th, March 2008 | In: Sports | Comment (1)