Sports | Anorak - Part 246

Sports Category

Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.

Roger Federer is the most elegant sportsman on the planet. Who else is there?

1. graceful in form or movement

Roger Federer has been voted the second most elegant man on the planet, by Spanish rag Marca. Fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld came first, improbably. Roger wuz robbed.

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Posted: 2nd, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (3)

Robinho attacks Man City team-mates. Or how to spin a story from nothing

THE richest club in the world (aka Man City) are on the express highway to becoming the new Chelski, and so the tabloids are desperate for some good City stories.

These stories come in two delicious flavours:

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Posted: 2nd, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

Video: Belgian footballer gives Nazi salutes to opponent

Watch and gasp as Helmond’s Daniel Guijo-Velasco gives two  – count ’em! – Nazi salutes in the general direction of Roosendaal midfielder Mels van Driel, during a Dutch league match on Friday night…

Guijo-Velasco, who is Belgian, twice raised his arm in a Hitler stylee, with the referee failing to take any action on either occasion.

When questioned about his actions after the match, Guijo-Velasco defended his behaviour by claiming that Van Driel was acting like “a German”. What a brilliant argument to defend the indefensible.

Helmond have since punished Guijo-Velasco with an internal suspension. Sounds painful.

Posted: 1st, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comment (1)

Moment of Zen: Cristiano Ronaldo says cheese

“Just take the fricking photo already, I’m eating cake here. Gosh.”

C-Ron, posing with a young fan after the Manchester derby (in which he was sent off). The Portuguese prancer wears Sincerity, by Calvin Klein.

Posted: 1st, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

This sporting weekend: top 10 notes and conclusions

1. If most footballers don’t know the dictionary definition of irony, how come they’re so good at ironic applause? Stand up Cristiano Ronaldo, who was lucky not to be sent off after a few such claps in the face of ref Howard Webb. Still, C-Ron more than made up for it by being shown a red card, for blatant handball, later in the game. Stupid boy.

2. Arsenal’s inconsistency is, er, consistent.

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Posted: 1st, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

What We Learnt In Football This Weekend

“THERE is no Norwegian words for ‘baptism of fire’…” – Roy Hodgson, manager of Fulham FC, on Norwegian player Brede Hangeland’s performance against Aston Villa.

Posted: 30th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (3)

Weekend picks: Haka beats Morris Dance, and other predictions

Anorak has looked in the office crystal ball. The horror! The horror!

ALL BLACKS over England – Martin Johnson’s boys will struggle to face the haka without running back to the dressing room and hiding in the showers, so we don’t give them much of a chance in the actual game. They may contain the Kiwis for half an hour, but by the end the scoreboard will make messy reading for all those Telegraph-reading investment bankers at Twickers. Shame.

MAN UTD over Man City – In which the richest – although not the best – club in Manchester meets the Premier League champions. Despite the health of their bank balance, City aren’t in Man Yoo’s league… yet. United to win 3-1.

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Posted: 29th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (2)

Viral Video: Nicolas Anelka Taken Hostage

The world’s gone mad for pink boots

Even more unlikely than the pink fad, we hear that the man known to many football fans as ‘Le Sulk’ has a real sense of humour. Nicolas is quite the dressing-room joker at Stamford Bridge and even likes to quote Peter Kay, who he acquired a taste for in his days as The Best Player at Bolton Wanderers.

Funny old game indeed.

Posted: 29th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

Hardcore sitting: more extreme than it sounds

Hardcore sitting does not involve watching an entire season of 24 over the course of a weekend. Although we’ve been there and endured a concentrated dose of Jack Bauer, we couldn’t call it a sport.

Hardcore sitting does involve performing backflips and other tricks in a wheelchair. We haven’t tried it, but it definitely is a sport.

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Posted: 28th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

Football fashion: why can’t black be the new black?

Much has been made of Nike’s ghastly new pink boots, as sported here by Arsenal’s Nicklas Bendtner.

The pink boot was inevitable, really. From the moment that Alan Ball first pulled on a pair of white boots, for Everton in the 1970/71 Charity Shield (“They were crap,” squeaked little Alan), it was only a matter of time – it took almost 40 years, but we got there in the end.

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Posted: 27th, November 2008 | In: Back pages, Sports | Comments (8)

Carly Zucker’s naked bottom is more interesting than the Champions League

Last night’s Champions League action = meh.

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Posted: 27th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comment (1)

Collateral damage: England cricket tour jeopardised by Mumbai terror attacks

As a result of the terror attacks in Mumbai, England have postponed their (already meaningless) last two one-day internationals against India. Fair enough.

More seriously perhaps, the Test series between the two nations is under threat. The second Test was scheduled to take place in Mumbai from 19 December, but there’s every chance that England will fly home without playing any more cricket.

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Posted: 27th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comment (1)

German ref perfects the double booking

Two yellow cards in one awesomely officious gesture? Check. German efficiency? You betcha…

Posted: 26th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

You’ve been crunched! Recession bites for Tiger Woods

General Motors is ending Tiger Woods’ $7m-a-year endorsement contract a year early.

Woods has been carrying the Buick logo on his bag for the last nine years and still had one year left on his contract.

But with GM currently begging for a chunk of a proposed $25bn federal loan, it would have been obscene to carry on padding the wallet of a sportsman who is currently too injured to play his chosen sport.

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Posted: 26th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

Listed: Top 10 Premier League stars who have lost their mojo

A whole list’s worth of schadenfreude for you to savour: ten footballers who have lost their magic boots…

10. Mikel Arteta (Everton)
Ran the show for Everton in the last couple of seasons, but now has the look of a man desperate for a phone call from one of the big four.

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Posted: 26th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (2)

Merde! William Gallas Victim Of Anti-French Bias, Says Frenchman

FORMER Arsenal star Emmanuel Petit claims that the British tabloid media has victimised William Gallas because he is black… er, French. French, that’s what we mean.

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Posted: 25th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (2)

Russia Police Stop Player Goal Celebration


Wheel away in ecstasy.

Take off your shirt.

Throw it to the crowd.

Or if you’re in Russia the police rough you up and stop you having fun.

Fans go potty and rip up seats to throw at anyone.



Posted: 24th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

The Greatest Football Throw In Skill Ever

THROW ins. Never easy. But this is a football masterclass. How long before the pros are doing it..? In yer face, Coley…

Posted: 21st, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (3)

Short Circuit: Slavica And Bernie Eccelsetone Split The (Action) Figure

WITH Madonna and Guy Ritchie agreeing not to give the tabloids what they want, let’s hope Bernie Ecclestone can do better with his split from the lovely Slavica.

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Posted: 21st, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

Rio Blande: Ferdinand And Ashley Cole To Make Hollywood Film

SOME football news in the Sun that Rio Ferdinand and Ashley Cole are teaming up to produce a film.

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Posted: 21st, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

Catania Players Perfect Bare Arsed Cheeky Free Kick

CATANIA, of Italy’s Serie A football league, have perfected a free-kick routine that features their players dropping their shorts in order to block the goalkeeper’s vision.

The brainchild of Italian national goalkeeper Walter Zenga, the move worked well against Torino last weekend:

Spotter: Michael Kritharis

Posted: 18th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

When Footballers Attack: Streaker Kneed In Throat

GO on. Go on, run onto the football pitch. Go on. It’ll be great. When you get there, what then..? Don’t worry about that. Just do it. Go on. Go on… It’ll be greeeeeeaat…

Posted: 17th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comment (1)

Obama Balls: Football Hooligans Train For Barack

FOOTBALL fans respond to Barack Obama’s election triumph:

“Police are urging fans travelling by rail to football matches this Saturday to emulate the Americans and turn a page in history. ‘The election of Barack Obama to the White House has turned a page in world history – now’s the time for football fans to do the same,’ said Superintendent Colum Price from the British Transport Police. ‘

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Posted: 13th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

A Black Man Or A White Woman: Adlington And Lewis Compete For Votes

CAN a white woman beat the half-black man? It’s the question everyone at the BBC is asking.

It was Dr. King of THG Labs Inc, who said:

“I have a dream that one day my children will live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin, but by the content of their blood sample.”

Rebecca Adlington and Lewis Hamilton are the embodiments of that ideal.

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Posted: 13th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

Nig-Nogs At The Stadium Of Light

A PENSIONER football supporter who yelled out “Don’t pass it to that dirty nig-nog” has been banned from all English and Welsh football matches and all England away games for three years.

The 69-year-old from Wearside in North East England shouted the remark in the hearing of two undercover detectives on a racist watch in Sunderland’s Stadium Of Light in May this year.

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Posted: 10th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (8)