Music | Anorak - Part 30

Music Category

Music news and reviews, music videos and tittle tattle, with a lingering look at the past from Anorak. A source for rock, pop, album and live music, new releases, artist interviews and features.

Bird Of Prey Cloner Jessie J Wishes That The Press Would Stop Making Things Up About Her And Her 60ft Long Chin Made From Bricks

YOU have to be rather impressed with Jessie J’s career thus far. She’s managed to cram and entire pop lifespan into a matter of months, already suffering from a gaping backlash that normally befalls artists who have been around for decades.

She was reasonably well received initially, before turning into an overnight hate-figure simply by existing. You’ve heard her histrionics right? God. Doesn’t it make you want to punch her in the throat (figuratively speaking of course, we don’t condone punching people in the throat here)?

Not that she has a throat.

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Posted: 6th, June 2011 | In: Music | Comment

Pink Has A Baby Girl On Twitter: Willow Sage Hart Photos

PINK has always defined herself by what she’s isn’t. She’s not some stupid girl, she’s not shallow, she’s not like ‘them’, she’s ‘fragile’, she’s… well… incredibly ordinary if the truth be told.

You see, while passing herself off as this outsider who managed to win over the mainstream, she’s actually just like every other singer out there who thinks that her personal life is in some way special to us all. She’s told everyone about her sexuality, her break-ups and rows and now we’re going to hear aaaalll about her new baby girl, which was planted in Pink’s womb by husband Carey Hart.

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Posted: 3rd, June 2011 | In: Music | Comments (18)

Reasons To be Cheerful: You Were ‘Scammed’ Out Of Take That Tickets And Missed The Olympic Kayaking

REASONS to be cheerful

1. Your wife did not get tickets you bought over the web for Take That’s Progress Live tour. As such, you will not be dropping your lover off at a large soulless venue, picketing her up three hours later and being told that Jason Orange is “well fit” and Howard Donald could super-injunction her any time…

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Posted: 3rd, June 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)

World’s Got Talent: Tonje Langeteig Sings I Don’t Wanna be a Crappy Housewife

ANORAK’S global quest for star quality – what we call World’s Got Talent – journeys to Norway, where Tonje Langeteig sings (sort of) the protest song of the 21st Century: I Don’t Wanna be a Crappy Housewife


USA: She’s Mad

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Posted: 3rd, June 2011 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comment (1)

Robbie Williams Empties His Nuts In Esquire: Take That Singer Breeds Semen Monkeys

ROBBIE Williams says that – yes! – he does inject himself with a sex hormone. And – yes! – he does do this twice week.

We’d always believed Williams injected himself with a blend of ascorbic acid, Vimto and liquidised pork liver sausages. But the Sun says it IS a sex hormone.

Gordon Smart reads Williams’ interview with Esquire magazine and tells us on the Sun’s front page:

The TAKE THAT star, 37, said he uses testosterone jabs to fight crippling lethargy. He added: “It has changed my life. I feel I’m getting a second wind.”

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Posted: 2nd, June 2011 | In: Music | Comment

Rihanna Shoots A Rapist Dead

POP music has always traded on sex and shock to shift units. Elvis Presley used to gyrate like a man in the bath with a two-bar heater and Madonna made a whole book dedicated to making sheltered people gasp in astonishment (the rest of us were just sickened at the appearance of a shirtless Vanilla Ice).

And so, it isn’t really surprising when a new pop-star comes along and starts talking about taboo things. And, lately, Rihanna has been ramping things up. She made a record called S&M, which saw her talking about how much whips and chains excited her… and now she’s going to kill a rapist on our televisions.

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Posted: 1st, June 2011 | In: Music | Comment

Teen Singing ‘Throb, Sean Kingston, Critical After Tackling Bridge On Jetski With Head

ADULTS may not be familiar with the name Sean Kingston, but the rampant childbots of the internet are. They love him. They love him a bit like they love Justin Bieber, but not as much because Bieber is much thinner and whiter than Sean Kingston.

Either way, he capture the hearts of youngsters with his hit, ‘Beautiful Girls’, where the junior crooner declared that they made him feel “suicidal“, which is peculiar for a young man with all that life of beautiful girls ahead of him.

However, here comes the awkward twist. See, Kingston is in a critical condition after crashing his jet ski into a Miami Beach bridge. Sean and a female passenger were injured when they careered into the Palm Island Bridge over the weekend.

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Posted: 31st, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment

Justin Bieber Rubs Selena Gomez’s Feet (Photo): He Does It With Girls

IN today’s episode of What Justin Bieber Does With Girls, Justin rubs Selena Gomez’s feet.

Hey, kids – Get. A,. Play. Pen.

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Posted: 31st, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment

Amy Winehouse Goes Back To Rehab – Again

REMEMBER the days when Amy Winehouse was famous for being a reasonably exciting singer? Alas, since then, she’s disappeared down a booze hole, leaving her career wide open for lesser acts to cash-in on. We’re looking at you Paloma Faith. And you Adele.

Yep, Winehouse only ever appears on the radar when she’s fallen over after a skinful or, briefly, re-emerged with some hilarious new breasts that looked like floating liquid in a space shuttle.

And now she’s in the news again and, predictably, it isn’t with talk of a new record, but rather, she’s off to rehab again.

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Posted: 27th, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment

Courtney Love Slags Lady GaGa Without A Trace Of Irony

SOME of you might think that Courtney Love is in no position to slate anyone else for anything, ever. And you’d be right because, of all the people in the celebsphere, she’s one of the most grotesque and worrying.

Shall we weigh it all up? She’s famous for being a strung-out heroin addict who had her baby taken off her. She’s a woman who has one of the most unusual faces on Earth thanks to getting plastic surgery from someone we can assume has Parkinson’s Disease. She’s taken to ranting garbled messages on Twitter, some of which attack her only daughter. She’s demented enough to have shagged Michael Stipe. She’s posted pictures of herself online with no clothes on, only to foam at the baps about how there’s some kind of conspiracy against her.

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Posted: 27th, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment

The People Of Walmart Theme Song: Mr Ghetto Fetches The Mop

HEAR ye! Hear ye! People of Walmart – you have a new anthem.

Mr. Ghetto brings your shopping trolly sex with a space hopper bounce.

This song covers pretty much all of the stuff on sale in Walmart: washing products, children’s clothes, genital wipes, melons, toilet paper, Fruit Loops and that stuff that cleans the detritus of virtual life from your keyboard…

Posted: 26th, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment

Justin Bieber Makes Terrifying Pest Perfume

JUSTIN Bieber may well be a matter of seconds old, but that doesn’t stop him from creaming every last penny out of the world’s prepubescent girls.

He’s launched a range of nail varnish as well as a singing toothbrush and, now, he’s behind a girl’s perfume that encourages the cell-sized singer to creep into your room like Dracula with an annoying fringe, only to sniff your neck and fly away like some perverted Peter Pan.

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Posted: 25th, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment

Jedward To Team Up With Aerosmith, Which Is Completely Fine

JEDWARD are in grave danger of having their credibility ruined by teaming up with ageing rock testicles, Aerosmith. Well kinda. Not the whole of Aerosmith, but mainman, Steven Tyler, who is currently sat at home ironing his face in a trouser press.

Dr Seuss’ Thing A and Thing B come to life Jedward may be, but they’re putting all that Eurovision Song Contest thing behind them (unlike Blue who will be self-harming over the whole thing for decades yet) by looking forward to a duet with one of rock’s most unwilling to disappear.

It appears that the leaping twins of doom will be teaming up with withered balloon animal of RAWK to record a new version of Aerosmith’s Walk This Way, which no-one wanted or asked for.

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Posted: 23rd, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment

Quite Obvious Former Smackhead, Bob Dylan, Admits He Used To Take Heroin

TAKE one look at Bob Dylan – who just happens to be celebrating his 70th birthday tomorrow, despite looking and sounding like a 70 year old since around 1964 – and you think, there’s a man who used to like bags of heroin disappearing up his puny arms.

Even the photographs of him in his youth look like he was a smackhead. Of course he was! Just about every singer in the ’60s and ’70s was strung out on the horse at some point!

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Posted: 23rd, May 2011 | In: Music | Comments (3)

English Demand Independence For Scotland At The Scottish Pipe Band Championships

IN today’s Independence For Scotland campaign, the English Independent Party sends us photos of the Scottish Pipe Band Championships in Dumbarton. Says on experts:

“If it wasn’t for the bagpipes, Scotland never would have been conquered. It was the Englishmen’s grim determination to shut the blasted things up that led to so much ferocity in battle and, ultimately, the creation of Tony Blair.”

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Posted: 21st, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)

Pauline Quirke To Play Jailed Pete Doherty In TV Biopic?

PETER Doherty’s Court Room Tour 2011 is on a break. The usual show will resume in a maximum of six months from now, when Pete’s sentence for possessing cocaine expires.

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Posted: 20th, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)

Ivor Novello Awards 2011: All The Winners In Photos

THE Ivor Novello Awards 2011 In Photos – featuring: Plan B took (winners of awards for Album Of The Year (The Defamation Of Strickland Banks), Most Performed Work (She Said) and Best Songwriter; Tinie Tempah’s gong for Best Contemporary Song (Pass Out); Dizzee Rascal gets the – ahem – Inspiration Award; Villagers’ Conor O’Brien who won Best Song Musically And Lyrically (Becoming A Jackal); Muse with their International Achievement award ; Lily Allen, Katy B, Jo Whiley, Beverly Knight, Jimmy Page, Bombay Bicycle Club, Foals and Paul Simon.


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Dominic Howard, Matthew Bellamy and Christopher Wolstenhome of Muse with their International Achievement award at the 2011 Ivor Novello awards held at the Grosvenor House Hotel, London.

Posted: 19th, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment

Snoop Dogg Wants Hip Hop X Factor

WHILE The X Factor appears to be set to take over the world, everyone else looks on wondering if they should cut their ears off with shears or, indeed, invent their own version which speaks to them instead of putting up with the histrionics of wannabes yet to learn subtlety.

And with that, Snoop Dogg wants to do a rap take on the successful franchise.

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Posted: 18th, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment

Rebecca Black Pregnancy Photo: Pregnant Or Not?

THERE now follows some Rebecca Black pregnancy news. The singer of Friday is not pregnant.

Rebecca confirms on her twitter page that she is in fact NOT pregnant.

She is also not dead, not married to Osama Bin Laden, not shagging Wayne Rooney, not French and, thanks to an allegedly leaked super injuntion, not ****ing a ***ent **** **j** ** * ******.

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Posted: 15th, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment

George Michael Is A Role Model For Singing Unshaven Gay Pot Heads

GEORGE Michael is seen pictured at The Royal Opera House in Covent Garden where he announced his latest tour Symphonica.

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Posted: 11th, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)

There’s Nothing Cynical About JLS Wanting To Collaborate With Gwyneth Paltrow

BACKFLIPPING saccharine irritants and tepid pop dispensers, JLS, want to collaborate with Gwyneth Paltrow. Why? It might have something to do with the fact that she’s very famous, recently decided to become a singer, appeared warbling on an award ceremony with Cee Lo Green, married to insipid Coldplayer Chris Martin and is the talk of Tinseltown thanks to an appearance on TV smash, Glee.

Nothing cynical about that then.

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Posted: 11th, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment

The Beatles’ Strawberry Fields Gates For Sale?

THE gates at Liverpool’s Strawberry Fields have gone. The gates of the park immortalised in The Beatles hit have been removed. No, readers, it’s not theft. Chances are, though, that the 100-year-old gates will be sold legitimately to make some cash for the The Salvation Army that owns the place.

The new gates have been hand-crafted by Jim Bennett and gifted to the charity. So, any Beatles fans with a marker pen now has a blank canvas…


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Posted: 11th, May 2011 | In: Music | Comments (2)

Whitney Houston Totters Off To Rehab While Prince Scowls At Her

GLASSY-EYED pop diva, Whitney Houston, is not  having a good time of it at the moment. Or rather, perhaps she’s having too much of a good time and it has started to rot her brains and liver.

You see, the Bodyguard singer has had to return to rehab because she (allegedly) likes taking too many drugs and wolfing down too much booze.

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Posted: 10th, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment

Rap Music’s Rebecca Black Sings ‘She’s Mad’

ANORAK’S World’s Got Talent presents the rapping Rebecca Black that is ‘She’s Mad‘ – but if likes this song, who are we to judge…

Spotters: Robert Popper@mikederob

Posted: 10th, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment

The Dusty Springfield Memorial: Featuring The Robin Gibb Celebrity Funeral Service

TO the unveiling of the blue plaque in Aubrey Walk, Kensington, that honours singer Dusty Springfield. And who but Bee Gee Robin Gibb was there to do the honours?

Last week we saw Gibb at the unveiling of the statue to Bomber Command. Today, he’s there to open another memorial. Is he for hire? Does he also attend the planting of headstones for the less famous?

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Posted: 9th, May 2011 | In: Music | Comment