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Celebrities | Anorak - Part 367

Celebrities Category

Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.

Celebrity Quote of The Day: David Beckham

beckham-anorak.jpgSAYS Day-vid Beckham: “I’m very organised and controlled and need to go to bed at night knowing what I’m going to wear the next morning.”

Members of the Anorak Ramblers Creme de Menthe Appreciation Society and Shane McGowan (hon. member) nod in agreement. We often know what we will be wearing the next day, and sometimes for the entire weekend…

Posted: 26th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


A Guide To Fake Breasts: Bristol Fashion

IN “I want to be huge like Jordan”, Sophie Price, sister to Katie Andre, nee Katie Price, shows Sun readers her knickers and bra.

Sophie is not one to take risks, securing the top of her knickers with a belt. Were Sophie to diversify into camisoles and vests, we imagine she’d tuck the hem into said knickers for added security.

Says Sophie: “I’ve already started looking at places to have my boob job…I’d just like to go a bit bigger, maybe one size up to a C cup. I really like the bullet boob look at the moment.”

Research is all. But until Channel 4 brings us the 100 Best Breasts, a show illustrated in the Daily Telegraph by shots of John Prescott (No, 53), Samantha Fox (24) and Kate Winslet (No. 1), Sophie’s choice is complex.

She professes an interest in the bullets, a hard-tipped breast that comes in a pack of six.

But mistakes can be costly. Today’s cutting-edge breast design is tomorrow’s Hinderburg, Betamax or Simon Cowell. Anorak has put together a list of breasts currently in vogue.

Bristol Fashion:

The Magazine Rack – Fit your rolled up copy of OK! magazine in between your new breasts and leave both hands free

The Kleev Itch – Breasts that say NO to a metric Europe

Hooters – Comedy breasts (see Gazzas) that light up a dull day

Yoob Tube – Breasts best viewed on a four-inch square internet screen

Thrupenny Bits – Discount breasts

Posted: 26th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Amy Winehouse Headline Maker

amy-winehouse-4.jpg“AMY WINEHOUSE’S hubby is using a smuggled phone to make illegal calls from jail,” reports the Sun.

No-one likes a grass. But Amy Winehouse has forced the paper’s hand. Other headlines were in the offing for the Winehouse Christmas but the day passed without incident.

So the paper’s Gordon Smart pressed F9 on his keyboard and came up with a headline – “Amy’s husband has cell phone” – and then set about finding the story.

Other headlines prayed for but not used:

Amy’s white out Christmas” – Winehouse flight delayed by fog
Mistletoe and Winehouse” – Cliff Richard prays for Amy
Mullered Winehouse” – Amy enjoys a Christmas drink

And many more – your suggestions please…

Posted: 26th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Amy Winehouse’s Jailhouse Rocks

amy-winehouse-drugs.jpgAMY Winehouse’s husband, the incarcerated Blake Fielder Cricket, has failed a drugs test.

Which means he is in the Sun, so too Amy.

It also means that and that Winehouse and Cricket are not allowed to touch, a bullet-proof glass screen draw between them at visiting time.

The Sun says Winehouse is “known to hide drugs in her birds-nest hairdo when on stage”, offering a ready excuse for signs of itchy, flaky looking scalp…

PRODUCT recall – Writes 14 (see picture): “LONDON – The U.K. Department for Business, Enterprise and Regulatory Reform and Amy Winehouse’s parents today announced an involuntary recall of one of the worst celebrity-endorsed holiday gifts in history: the singing Amy Winehouse Snow Globe. Despite initial high demand from music fans and celebrities such as Pete Doherty, who was spotted trying to break open a Snow Globe, the product’s constant malfunctions have prompted an onslaught of returns to stores and an immediate recall.

The snow globe has a number of defects. The more snow it inhales, the more magnified they become, including: slurring the words to “White Christmas”; spitting and swearing at onlookers; forgetting its shirt; and failing to perform altogether, even when wound up.

Amy’s parents demand that consumers stop purchasing the recalled product immediately— and are more than happy to talk to any and all media outlets about their “devastation” over the product’s malfunctions.

Ends.

Posted: 24th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Pickled Faggots: Shane McGowan Is Alive

shanemagowan.jpgIS Shane McGowan still alive? He is, although it is not immediately obvious.

The Mirror produces a picture of Shane collapsed on a hotel bed, a bottle of something yellowy in one hand, yesterday’s clothes still on and eyes closed. (Shane was educated at Westminster school. He was ever the public school boy.)

Tomorrow is McGowan’s 50th birthday. Born on Christmas Day, McGowan shares a birthday with Isaac Newton, Humphrey Bogart and Jesus.

And unlike them he is alive. To prove it McGowan takes a slug from the bottle and tells us: “To be honest, I never thought too much about getting to 50. But if everybody is making a bet that you are going to die at 4:30 tomorrow afternoon you just tend to think, ‘Fuck it, I’m not going to die as long as those fuckers are alive.”

McGowan is kept alive on a pickling process of two parts belligerence to one part retsina, and any other flammable liquids.

And there is another reason Shane is in the news. It’s not just that it’s his birthday, he’s having his teeth done to ”stop my face falling apart” and he’s living a journalist’s dream life, but that his song Fairy Tale of New York is in the charts once more.

McGowan rose to prominence as front man of the Pogues, successful “Because we weren’t a faggot and a guy with a synthesiser”. He later insisted: “I’ve got nothing against faggots.”

And he should not. Faggots have helped make his Christmas song a hit once again. The tune features the line “You scumbag, you maggot / You cheap lousy faggot”.

The BBC decided that upon hearing the word “faggot”, listeners would be driven mad and find cause to beat seven shades of the black stuff from anyone who’d ever heard of the Pet Shop Boys.

And thanks to the BBC’s control freakery, the songs been in the news, and Shane should earn some more money in royalties and remain in the style to which he has become almost enviably accustomed…

Posted: 24th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Alesha Dixon’s Life In Danger

alesha.jpgIN a “WORLD EXCLUSIVE” Alesha Dixon talks to the Star. Says Alesha on the front page: “DANCE SHOW SAVED MY LIFE.”

“In “Strictly saved my life,” the Sun talks to Alesha and learns that the pro-celebrity dance show Strictly Come Dancing saved her life.

Says Alesha on the Mirror’s front page: “My feet are killing me.”

And we wonder if she is yet safe enough…

Posted: 24th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


X-Rated X Factor’s Sex Hell X-Clusive

niki-x-factor.jpgWITH the world going potty for reality TV show winner Leon Lewis, the Sport looks at the woman who came fourth in TV’s X Factor.

But fame for NIKI EVANS has come at a price. In “X FACTOR NIKI SEX STALKER HELL,” NIKI EVANS tells us: “He writes to me quite a bit, fantasising about what we could do together sexually, the notes are very, very sexy and extremely graphic – to the point where I have to read them a couple of time to understand what he’s going on about.”

We feel her pain. Does she have the letters to hand?

But NIKI EVANS says she is not worried about her “STALKER HELL” because “I doubt he could find me”. So says the “ex-dinner lady from Polesworth, Staffs”, married to “Darren”…

Posted: 24th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


t.A.T.u Maxim Out

tatu.jpgJULIA Volkova and Lena Katina, members of the group t.A.T.u, have a new song out.

Having dressed up as schoolgirls (Britney Spears) and rubbed each other with all the eroticism of a frotting Japanese commuter traveller fingering his umbrella (Spice Girls) they are now in the Russian edition of Maxim magazine.

Julia is pregnant and she’s showing the world her tummy (Britney again). The picture is taken from the US celebrity site Perez Hilton (Jade Goody in Mrs Slocombe’s hair).

Who does the image appeal to? The twosome’s fans who buy their records? Men on government registers living in caravan parks on the Welsh coast? Or news editors and hacks looking for stories and afraid of being caught looking at porn?

Posted: 23rd, December 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Lindsay Lohan: How To Make Empathy Addiction Pay

lindsay-lohan.jpgTHE Sydney Morning Herald reports that Linsday Lohan:

“The troubled Hollywood starlet Lindsay Lohan is the last person you would expect to be on the receiving end of a little Aussie ingenuity but not everyone has friends like the Australian playboy Andy Valmorbida.

“After playing host at his family’s marquee at the Melbourne Cup with Rachel Hunter, Valmorbida has returned to Hollywood to work on a deal for Lohan to indirectly endorse a nicotine substitute to help smokers quit.

“His Aussie friends inform PS the deal requires Lohan to hold the packet of special gum in view of the paparazzi so it can be captured in the frame and published worldwide.”

Can it be that the young and impressionable will see Lohan and bypass the actual smoking, moving straight onto the patches? Look out for new celebrity trend as the starlets take measures to stop a ‘tried and emotional’ addiction before it occurs.

Lohan is for hire. Watch out for the older Lindsay Lohan making her comeback years from now by endorsing her Fire Crotch range of security underwear and personal gems on one of Wyoming’s premier shopping channels…

Picture: 14 

Posted: 21st, December 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Amy Winehouse Does Bryan Adams’ Cold Turkey

amy-winehouse.jpgIT’S tuning into a terrific Christmas with Amy Winehouse and family.

As we join in another verse of The Amy And The Priory, the Sun notes that Bryan Adams is the latest pop star to take note of the publicity Amy is enjoying (surely enduring, ed) and offer to help.

“Amy has been invited to Mustique to stay with Bryan Adams,” says a friend. “He is keen to help her.”

And it won’t be a table for two, but one for three. As the Sun says, Mick Jagger has a home on the island. Says the friend: “Mick could join them. He has also said he wants to help Amy.”

“GO GO GO!” orders the Mirror. No, not to the Caribbean, but to prison to see Amy’s one man chartered surveying firm Blake Fielder-Civil.

Says Blake’s mum Georgette: “When Amy’s out all night, she can’t get up the next day and keeps missing prison visits…I have to ring her sometimes six time a day to remind her to get up, get washed and get over there.”

Indeed. Given that news, the daily quotes from Amy’s father Mitch and that open letter from her mum it’s not hard to see Winehouse enjoying a Christmas lunch with Jagger and Adams.

Pass the cold turkey, lads…

Posted: 21st, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Poker’s Pamela Anderson Creates An Illusion With Criss Angel

pamelaandersonrick.jpg“DID an illusionist come between Pamela Anderson and her professional poker-playing hubby, Rick Salomon?” asks the New York Post.

Anderson has been appearing on stage in New York as a pneumatic Debbie McGee to magician Hans Klok’s Paul Daniels.

The promotional shot for the show Hans Klok – The Beauty of Magic features a bouffant-haired Klok fanning a pack of cards. Klok exudes all the machismo of French knickers. Klok is “the world’s fastest magician,” we learn. Take two bottles into the shower? Klok takes ten and still gets the job done on time. It’s magic.

But it’s not Klok who has been “cozying up to” Anderson, rather “publicity-loving illusionist Criss Angel”.

Salomon, who stars in the straight-to-tissues video One night in Paris Hilton “hit the roof when he found out Pam was hanging out with Criss while he was off at a poker tournament. They had a huge fight”. And now Anderson has filed for divorce.

Who gets custody of the ubiquitous home move remains to be decided.

Mingle with a better class of person in the casino – and qualify for Anorak’s bonus

Posted: 21st, December 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Gilding The Lily Allen

lily-allen-ring.jpgTODAY’S Lily Allen comes via the Mirror’s 3AM girls (now reduced to just two in number).

Readers see a picture of Lily’s fingers and an array of Argos rings.

The 3AM girls wonder if one of these trinkets is an engagement ring, supplied to Lily by her lover Ed Simons.
Hard to say, not only for us but also for the Mirror’s showbiz experts. All we can advise is that they watch this space and check Lily’s fingers for signs of rust and toxic shock…

Posted: 21st, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Rupert Everett: Celebrity Quote Of The Day

SAYS foppish Britsh actor Rupert Everett in the Times: “Hollywood is a place that pretends it’s very liberal but it’s not remotely. It’s like Al-Qaeda.”

Everett says his sexuality has cost him “tons” of leading roles during his career.

Everett is a both grounded and talented…

Posted: 20th, December 2007 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Kids Are in Sight: Spice Girls, Posh T-Shirts And Chelsea’s Little Dennis Wise

posh-spice.jpgWHEN did it begin, this habit of celebrities introducing their children to the fans?

The first time the Anorak really noticed the incongruous presence of a celebrity child was when little Dennis wise, Chelsea’s ankle-biting fire starter captain, carried his son Henry Wise up the Wembley steps to collect the FA cup.

Little Dennis and even Littler Henry formed a mawkish, sugar-coated double act. We’d have enjoyed it – and there is a little shame here – had little Henry stuck two fingers up to the camera, and so the watching millions at home, or projectile vomited into the venerable old cup. The tin lid put on the tableau by Little Dennis then plonking Littler Henry in the cup.

All we got was the Wise family day out, the cloying image of a footballer stood on the hallowed turf soaking up his memories in the company of his boy, who had achieved his life’s apogee aged three.

Now we see in the Telegraph the Spice Girls introducing their children to the crowd at the O2 Arena, London. Undoubtedly there would be some Spice fans who enjoy seeing the kids stage centre, so too man in caravan sites in Rhyl and grandmas and grandpas.

Child welfare campaigners may care to note that the younger Beckham, identifiable by the word “POSH” on his T-shirt, is wearing huge ear protectors, like he’s listening to the sound of a drill, nails being dragged down a blackboard or his mum encouraging the fans to “Make some NOI-Y-SE!”

The two more Beckham children also sport “POSH” T-shirts, one up form “I love my mum” baby grows. The other Spice Children at least get to dodge the shame in their unbranded gear, and in years to come can pretend that the middle-aged women in the boob tube is not their mum but a singer they met by dint of winning a crayoning competition.

NB: Geri Halliwell’s daughter Bluebell was the only Spice child missing. Why is not made clear…

Pic: 14 

Posted: 20th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Amy Winehouse Chews Over A Spell On Remand

winehouse-trippy.jpgMORE signs that the police are obsessed by celebrity in news on Amy Winehouse.In a piece in which the Sun’s new showbiz writer Gordon ‘Prime Minister of Showbiz’ Smart says “prisoners are very protective of their women”, he hears “pals” wonder if Winehouse was arrested because they wanted to get a sample for her DNA.

As one “mate” says: “In the raid they reckon they found gum with coke in it. But to do a DNA test they need to arrest you.”

Can it be that when police smashed down the door of the Winehouse residence (see pictures in all papers) they were not looking for evidence of her husband’s alleged role in a plot to pervert the course of justice but a dabble of cocaine?

Did the cops seize a piece of chewing gum believed to have been chewed by Winehouse, not because they are celebrity potty and wanted souvenir of their night out but because they were gathering evidence?

Over in the Express, readers get the headline: “Amy’s mission ‘to get herself locked up’.” Can we thus expect to see the winger hawking mashed up bits of chewing gum on street corner, or lobbing them at police cars?

One thing we do know for certain: if Winehouse does go to remand it will be in an open-topped Black Maria surrounded by grinning, media friendly policemen…

Posted: 20th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Jesus Christ Was A Celebrity: Danielle Lloyd’s Wondering Star

jesus-celebrity.jpgDID Jesus have the X Factor?

No one attracts celebrities like Jesus. And today Star readers spot Danielle Lloyd telling Star readers how she’s going to celebrate the birth of A-lister Jesus Christ.

Dressed as Jesus would have been at the moment of his birth, albeit with a thong and fluffy hat to keep out the chill (it’s a lot warmer in Bethlehem, folks), Danielle says she is seeing her footballer on Christmas Day.

Lloyd tells us that the OK! Christmas party was “great”. But she won’t be eating too much over Christmas, even if gravy can stain your skin a light browny orange. Danielle has a fitness DVD coming out.

Keep fit with Danny by pulling on a G-string, standing in a chilly photographer’s studio and flapping your arms about, dashing along a pavement to Messers Nip ‘n’ Tuck’s offices, and chasing footballer’s cars…

Amen

Posted: 20th, December 2007 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Celebrity Christmas With The Geldofs

bob-geldof.jpgCELEBRITY Christmas with the Bob Geldofs.

Says Peaches Geldof in the Sun: “At Christmas dinner if I leave something on my plate he goes, ‘Peaches, remember the f***ing Africans…”

At grandpa’s house this Christmas: “My dad will be there, drunk on wine, spewing about the past and singing couple of Boomtown Rats hits while I cry in the corner.”

Can you feel sorry for the precocious Peaches?

Picture: 14

Posted: 20th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Michael Jackson: Post Its From The Edge

jackson.jpgIS that Michael Jackson on the Mirror’s front page?

Recognising someone whose face really does change in the wind, and often gets stuck, is no easy thing.

I recall a trip to a Rod Stewart concert. Rod kicked footballs into the crowd and crowed. But a look around the stadium at all the shaggy blonde heads and leggings in the seats encouraged thoughts that the figure on stage was an impostor and the real Rod was taking time out to enjoy himself, literally.

Rod, of course, always looks the same. His is a look that can be purchased in any costumiers and joke shop. Jackson is a far trickier thing, requiring imagination and skill with plastercine and clay.

But the Mirror seems certain it is Jackson. As it writes on its front page: “ELASTO JACKO – Shambling round a book shop, his face covered in plasters, what has happened to the one-time King of Pop?”

Readers will see what the Mirror calls “half a dozen plasters” stuck to his face. “Sticko Jacos,” says the Sun’s front-page headline. Jackson is the Mail’s “plaster of disguise”. But what if these flaps are his face?

Looking at Jackson, you may call to mind Ming Campbell, former leader of the LibDems. At a party conference a cardboard effigy of the great man was erected and delegates invited to stick on Post It notes, each one containing an idea what would make the LibDems might once more.

Might this be Jackson executing a similar marketing plot, asking for suggestions as to what his next face should look like? And if you can make room for five lips, seventeen noses, four cheek bones and every shade of white and brown, so much the better…

Posted: 20th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (6) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Lily Allen’s One A Day Headline Maker

lilyallen.jpgONE day on from Lily Allen’s pregnancy announcement, the Express produces its daily picture of the singer and finds no need to comment on what Lily’s said, Lily’s family or Lily’s weight. No small miracle.

Instead we are invited to observe Lily’s lit cigarette and heed an onlooker say: “Presumably she knew she was pregnant then – so let’s hope she has packed in the evil weed by now.”

Look out for Lily smoking one cigarette a day from now until little Argos is born…

Posted: 20th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


John Edwards Love Child ‘Scandal’, Rielle Hunter Responds

john_edwards.jpg SAYS the National Enquirer: “UPDATE: NATIONAL ENQUIRER WORLD EXCLUSIVE: JOHN EDWARDS LOVE CHILD SCANDAL!”

John Edwards is the Presidential candidate with the smooth hair and decent teeth. He cannot fail.

But now the Enquirer reports that his winning look, allegedly, worked on one blonde named Rielle Hunter. She is more than six months pregnant — “and she’s told a close confidante that Edwards is the father of her baby!”

For his part, Edwards has denied having an affair with Rielle. And where is she? The magazine says Rielle has “gone into hiding” – “living in an upscale gated community near political operative Andrew Young, who’s been extremely close to Edwards for years and was a key official in his presidential campaign.”

And now married father Young says he is the father of Rielle’s baby.

Says Rielle said: “The fact that I am expecting a child is my personal and private business. This has no relationship to nor does it involve John Edwards in any way. Andrew Young is the father of my unborn child.”

End of story. Says a source: “Rielle told me she had a secret affair with Edwards. When she found out that she was pregnant, she said he was the father.”

Says the Enquirer: “Rielle loves Edwards and will do anything to protect him, the source says.”

And Enquirer reporter confronts her. Says she: “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Why is she living in Young’s gated community? Says she: “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

Who fathered her baby? Says she: “I have no idea who you’re talking about or what you’re talking about.”

When asked if there was a string in the back of her body that can be pulled to make her talk, Rielle replied: “I have no idea what you’re talking about…”

Posted: 19th, December 2007 | In: National Enquirer, Politicians | Comments (13) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Kerry Katona’s Meet Pie

kerry-katona.jpgHOW do you top Kerry Katona and a Nolan sister?

No, not with a tiara, a pink Stetson hat or an Anthea Turner fright wig. TV’s most winsome double act since Hale and Pace – Kerry and Nolan advertise Iceland’s seasonal fare of boozie brownies, bloated guests, annoying hostess and squirrel vol-au-vents (see last year’s ad) – cannot be bettered. Or so you thought.

Now Kerry has a new sidekick, an Alsatian dog called Meet Pie, as OK! reports.

The “massive” Alsatian is surely the most suited partner Kerry has has to date. Sit up and take note, Nolan. Roll over and play dead Bryan McPadding (Kerry’s ex).

Kerry Katona has met her match…

Posted: 19th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The OK! Christmas Party: Come As They Are

chantelle-jordan.jpgTO the OK! Christmas party, where Nikki Grahame is dressed up as a green elf, in much the same fashion as Jordan is later in this week’s organ.

Nikkkkki’s outfit is loose, baggy even. Jordan’s outfit clings to her like the Hulk’s remnants.

And then we read that Nikki has accused OK! guest Chantelle Houghton of stealing her boyfriend. And this is Chantelle who has new breasts and a make-up that says Chernobyl No. 5.

She looks not unlike Jordan, who is dressed up as a green elf.

And on it goes…

Posted: 19th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Nuns Save Britney Spears

“BRITISH nuns have vowed to save troubled Britney Spears.”

The news gets only more fantastic when the Daily Star says that these nuns have chosen “us to be the angels of deliverance by passing on the message”.

The “us” are the Star’s “THE goss girls”, who readers might expect to illustrate this news dressed up as naughty nuns, Hen Night angels and Britney Spears in her schoolgirl years.

They don’t. But they might…

Posted: 19th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Stuffing The Bird: Jordan Is The Virgin Mary

jordan-1.jpgIT is easier for Jordan to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for casting directors to breathe new life into the nativity.

All celebrities want to be Mary and Joseph and Jesus. But only three can, meaning Kerry Katona ends up as a townsperson, Anthea Tuner becomes a shepherd and the story is contemporised to feature seventeen kings, twenty-five archangels and Girls Aloud as a local act who can’t get into the f*****g inn neither.

Jordan is a professional. And if she can’t be Mary then she will be an elf or Mrs Clause or dress up as a lapdancer, getting into the seasonal cheer but pulling on stockings and making quips about Santa’s sack.

Jordan’s all things to all people motif is carried through to her Christmas dinner. As she tells us: “On Christmas Day I think I’ll do a bird in a bird in a bird – a duck in a chicken in a turkey.”

It’s as if in some way Jordan’s time in the Hugh Heffner house has affected her. And what odds the thing goes wrong and ends up looking overstuffed as the turkey is lubed up and forced into the duck’s breast cavity?

Posted: 19th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Celebrity Policing With Amy Winehouse

winoblake11.jpgAMY Winehouse has been arrested in connection with an investigation into claims that her husband Blake perverted the course of justice.

And that means more words from Mitch Winehouse, Amy’s father who appears to be her spokesperson but remains forever billed as a cab driver. Mouthpiece- Cabbie might well be a new conjoined career, like Model-Actress and Celebrity-Judge.

Mitch tells the Star: “My main concern is my daughter’s welfare.”

Mitch tells the Mail: “Obviously we’ll have to wait and see what police plan to do next, but as for Amy being arrested, it is all above board and she is merely helping in any way she can.”

Always good to help the police. It was the singer Myleene Klass who told us: “It takes a great degree of determination and dedication to police our streets.” Said fellow chanteuse Katie Melua: “I’d have loved to have been a police officer, when I was younger other than being a songwriter it was my dream job. It’s so important for the public to feel safe on the streets.”

Celebrities who want to be police. And police who arrest Winehouse and then tell us that she not been charged.

As Mick Hume wrote: “It seems that the authorities are developing a habit of trying to use celebrities as ‘reverse role models’, holding them up as examples of the social ills against which the police must protect the nation’s youth.”

Pete Doherty epitomises the kind of thing the police have to face. So too Winehouse, who the Sun says is screaming and crying as she is arrested. It’s the kind of thing police fans can see on any number fo TV shows, like ‘Police Stop’, ‘Scum Bus’ and ‘Look Out For The Stairs, Sambo’.

Only this one’s got special guest stars…

Posted: 19th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0