Anorak

Celebrities | Anorak - Part 367

Celebrities Category

Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.

Big Brother Mates Jonathan And Carole At Seány’s Command

seany-okane.jpg JONATHAN Durden is a millionaire. We know this because the Big Brother contestant told everyone he’s worth £6million.

To many this may look arrogant and sad, but to Charley it is “arrogant… in a good way”. Although she might have to take cheque – tucking six million pound coins into a G-string is no easy matter.

Not that she’ll have much competition from the other girls. As the Star says, “Babes want ‘perv’ Jon to get the boot.”

Nikki says she has caught Jonathan staring at her. Laura says he “made me feel quite uncomfortable”.

Jonathan says he’s never seen the show, so may be shocked to learn that he is shut up in a compound with lots of younger women.

Jonathan’s boast that he is to busy/too important/too out there to watch the ultimate reality TV show is a cause for alarm. Doesn’t he know of the damage this show can do to his career, life and ego? Although any middle-aged man who wears his collars up and a diamond earring might not be overly concerned with looking like a fool.

Jonathan is 2-1 to be the next evicted housemate, ahead of Carole at 11-2.

And, as the Star reports, Carole could save Jonathan my sacrificing herself. Housemates, readers learn, think the pair could hook up.

This is not a pleasant thought. If such a coupling takes place, expect to see David Attenborough looking on and whispering from his unenviable position behind an adjacent pot plant.

It might happen. Seány thinks it can. Can we forget the hideous Seány (8-11 favourite to go next) pushing Carole towards the just-arrived Jonathan and saying: “This is Carole! She’s single. She’s single.”

Seány’s keen to show everyone how cool, accepting and edgy he is. He wears yellow. He has dabbled in Islam, heterosexuality, homosexuality and Jacksonism. He now thinks encouraging the two older housemates to get it on will make him look a free spirit. It doesn’t. It makes him look annoying, pathetic and like Sue Pollard in Hi-De-Hi.

Posted: 20th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother Backers Go For X-Factor

AFTER washing its hands of Big Brother, the Carphone Warehouse have signed a new £20million deal to sponsor another of television’s most highbrow shows, the X-Factor.

The mobile phone giant decided to drop their sponsorship of Big Brother following the Jade Goody/Shilpa Shetty race row shenanigans and will be now be hoping for a controversy free relationship with ITV’s hugely successful talent show.

Although expect a few fireworks when the contestants realise that one of the judges is none other than the amazingly beautiful and talented (it says here) Dannnnnniiiiii Minogue.

Posted: 20th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother Charley’s Boot Matches Her IQ

CHARLEY branded Seany a bully after he poured water into her £170 Ugg boots. The irony was not lost on Betfair punters.They saw her as a cert for a red card from the Big Brother house prior to this week’s eviction nominations. She was trading as low as 1.40 or 2-5 – which is the equivalent of a 70% chance of leaving in the 2nd eviction.

But Charley can continue to strut around the house with her signature misguided confidence. She has miraculously avoided nomination. Her price for eviction in this round has jumped to 70 – which, incidentally, is the same as her IQ as tested by Big Brother.

It is Seany, amongst other nominees Carole and Jonathan, who is favourite to go. Let’s hope he is not evicted so that he can continue to “bully” Charley.

There are rumours that no one will be evicted this week and that the “evictee” will go into a house next door. This means that the 2nd eviction market could roll over, as happened in the 1st eviction market. This would leave a good opportunity for the long price backers and the short price layers with most housemates being backed as high as 999-1 and Seany at 1.7 to go.

Notes:

1. According to Wikipedia, an IQ of 70 sits just within the bounds for mild mental disability. Though as BBLB suggested, she may not have been full concentrating on the test.

Posted: 20th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother Charley Axed By Manchester United Player

kieran.jpg“BIG BOTHER BITCH CHARLEY AXED.”

No, dear readers, Big Brother has not followed that first gay kiss with a first axe murder. Charley is alive and well, nattering away like a mating chaffinch. She’s 84-1 to win the show with Anorak’s free bet.

Charley has been killed off by her cousin, Manchester United footballer Kieran Richardson.

In “SLING YER HOOKER”, the Star says Kieran feels “completely humiliated” after reading the Star’s story on how Charley pretended to be a $500-a-time prostitute.

Anorak wrapped the news in a brown paper and delivered it to the greater world. We heard Charley’s “pal” Kerry say how the Big Brother harridan would tell punters in her lap dancing bar that they could have sex with her if they paid up first and met her outside the club in, say, five minutes to a month.

Some might call Charley streetwise. They might say the sad sacks who fail to spot the scam get all they deserve. And how anyone wanting to have coitus with Charley – and willing to pay hundreds of pounds for the life experience – should not be on the street at all and is a damning indictment the wider care in the community programme.

But still Kieran is unimpressed. A source at his club tells the paper: “He doesn’t like being the centre of attention and can’t understand why Charley is dragging him into her mad world.”

So here’s his friend telling the papers.

But we urge Kieran not to be too hard on Charley. For every football who goes to a lap dancing club, there must a lap dancer, even is she is your cousin.

As Tracey would say, “Deal with it.”

Posted: 20th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comments (8) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother Nominations In Full And Free Betting Odds

Amanda (to win: 18-1) : Carole & Tracey

Billi (27-1): Carole & Jonathan

Brian (8-1): Seány & Carole

Carole (31-1): Laura & Nicky

Chanelle (11-1): Charley & Seány

Charley (89-1): Nicky & Seány

Gerry (7-1): Charley & Liam

Jonathan (65-1): Nicky & Tracey

Laura (35-1): Carole & Jonathan

Liam (9-1): Jonathan  & Charley

Nicky (35-1): Jonathan & Seány

Sam (19-1): Carole & Liam

Seány (35-1): Brian & Tracey

Tracey (11-1): Seány & Jonathan

Ziggy (10-1): Charley & Nicky

Posted: 20th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother’s Derek Laud For London Mayor

ANYTHING’S better than Ken:

I AM proud to announce the launch of a new website campaigning for Derek Laud, the star of Big Brother, to be the next Mayor of London. This site aims to give information about Derek Laud and the campaign to see him run for Mayor of London.

Derek first came to the nation’s attention in 2005 on Big Brother 6 in the United Kingdom. In brief he was described as a gay, black, Tory fox hunter. He would polarise the nation, some hating his slightly right wing and upper crust manner but many loving his grace and traditional charms. Although he did not win the show he stole the heart of many with his dry wit, fruity nature and general levels of excellence.

Although the battle for Mayor is over a year away, the campaign to get Derek to run as the Conservative Party candidate has already begun.

The site has been created to gather support for his campaign, and to provide detailed and up-to-date information for all those wishing to help Derek on his quest to lead the great city of London.

Posted: 20th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother: Evict Carole, Seany, Jonathan With A Free Bet

HOW did Charley escape? Did her hair put the housemates off the scent. But the good news – you can now get rid of the cretinous Seany.

Carole, Seany and Jonathan each received five nominations.

Charley and Nicky each received four, Tracey three, Liam two and Brian and Laura each once.

Take Seany to go. Learn how use our free £10 bet here

Posted: 19th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother Emily Parr Feels The heat

BIG Brother Emily “Niggers” Parr says she has received death threats. A respondent on her blog tells her: “I’m going to hunt you down, girl.” That shouldn’t be too hard – Emily’s talking with heat magazine.

Says Emily: “Me and Charley were good friends in the house. I know it offended people, but it’s a term used rather loosely among my friends – black and white.”

She goes on: “I’ll always be gutted by what’s happened. There’s no amount of words that can cover up how stupid I’ve been.”

But it she was forced to choose one…

Posted: 19th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother: Gay Muslims, Ziggy Crotch And Free Bet

BIG Brother’s bet-he’s-good-to-his-mum Gerry (7-1 to win) and “I’m a bloated Michael Flatley” Seány ( have shared a kiss.

Last week, Seány (18-1) was a Muslim. The week before that he was grabbing his crotch and saying “Shamo!” at Michael Jackson.

This week, he’s a homosexual. But one without a gaydar, forced to great the pouting Billi (54-1) with: “Are you gay?”

Seány is very possibly working out what a gay man looks like and what kind of gay men he will be. He’s settled upon Timmy Mallett being sarcastic. But that could change.

It’s truth or dare and Seány is daring Liam to lick Ziggy’s crotch. “Why would he do that?” asks Ziggy (13-1). Because, Ziggy, next week Seány is going to be a happy-slapper and he wants to belittle you for his own sad enjoyment.

Learn how to make the most of your free £10 bet here.

Posted: 19th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Charley Works The Block With Big Brother’s Brian

charley-brian.jpgINTRODUCING Kerry Blake, lapdancer and former work mate to Big Brother’s hare-raising harridan Charley Uchea.

Kerry feels duty bound to tell Star readers about Charley’s “VICE SECRET”, specifically how the wannabe Wag “posed” as a prostitute and asked “club punters” £500 a time for sex.

Charley failed to realise that lapdacing is a hands-off experience, the aim being to get inadequate, drink–softened middle managers aroused enough to return home full of apparent lust for their significant others.

But in “£500-A–NIGHT CHARLEY” we hear of Charley teasing men by offering to go to bed with them in exchange for cash.

Having seen Charley in action, this tease sounds more like a threat, extracting money with menaces. And we are unsurprised to learn of an audience member offering her £300 to go away.

“No-one seemed to fancy her that much because of her big mouth,” says Kerry, who has known Charley since she was 10. “So she was desperate for anyone to like her.”

We who have watched Charley for the past 21 days wonder if Kerry has ever met Charley, and if as they rubbed ice cubes down one another’s cleavages they exchanged so much as “How do you do?”.

The Charley we know is desperate to be in a row. She seeks out argument like a greyhound seeks out her hair.

Charley’s tactic is to create a frenzy of screaming antagonism before stomping off to the garden in her Yeti boots.

But it seems that some did like Charley, fancy her even. Kerry says Charley worked a scam where she’d agree to have sex with punters so long as they paid up first. They had to wait outside the club in the street.

If you can’t see what’ coming next, you are either a grown man less streetwise than Dora the Explorer or a sticky-fingered adolescent saving up hard to catch up with the class lothario who’s been at it since he was 14.

“I hang out with celebrities. I go to the best parties. I go to the best parties with the stars,” says Charley. “You name them, I’ve met them. But I’m still Charley from the block.”

Or as Brian puts it: “More like Charley’s been round the block.”

Brian to win at 9-1 with your free bet. Learn how to place the bet here.

Posted: 19th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother Ziggy Wonders About Billi And Chanelle

BILLI is chatting up Chanelle. And Ziggy is chatting to Tracey about how he’s dating a 19-year-old Victoria Beckham fan.

“I don’t want it to go too far to be a problem. I’m questioning myself evey single day I wake up in this house,” says Ziggy.

“You’ve got to ask yourself some serious questions here Ziggy,” says Tracey.

Would he go out with a 19-year-old outside the house?

“No,” says Ziggy.

“There you go,” says Tracey.

And there goes Chanelle into Billi’s arms. A move that will threaten Chanelle’s position as favourite to win – two boyfriends in two days will only create tension.

And make us warm further to Ziggy. He’s 15-1 to win the show. Make the bet. Bet £2 of your £10 free bet. Learn how to do it here.

Posted: 18th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Shabnam Still Thinks She’s On Big Brother

ON her first night out of the Big Brother house, Shabnam reveals: “I just talked and talked and talked and screamed. Everything now still feels surreal but enjoyable, enjoyable and more enjoyable.” Does she still think she’s in the house?

Posted: 18th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother Seány’s Going To Nominate Charley As Well

BIG Brother is Groundhog Day. Charley is having a row:

Charley: Did you, or do you know anyone, who put water in my boots? It’s not on.

Seány: I put a cup in yesterday as a joke but there was no water in it.

Charley: They were drenched! So it was you! I had to dry them last night. I was fuming.

Seány: I didn’t put water in. That wasn’t me. I would never have done that.

Charley: Someone has done it, and I don’t see the funny joke in it at all. I find it evil.

Charley: My pumps! A wet tissue?

Seány: That was me,” confessed Seány instantly. I didn’t realise they were yours.

Charley: This is it now. I’ve had enough of this shit. People wonder why I’m always in arguments when they treat me like that.

It’s easy money – free money. Take the bet.

Posted: 18th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother Nominatiosn Day: Free Bet On Charley

THIS is the first day that all the housemates will nominate. The only thing that can beat Charley out the door is her hair. She is going next. Her odds are shrinking by the second.  Back her to go with Betfair and get a free £10 bet. Learn how to do it here.

Posted: 18th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother’s Billi Bhatti Boy Targets Another Chanelle

untitled-1.pngBIG Brother reject Vanessa Layton-McIntosh is recalling her time with the show’s current housemate, hair-straigtener model Billi Bhatti.

Yesterday, Anorak brought you news from the Big Brother Petri Dish. Readers learnt that Billi discovered Vanessa on MySpace.

He didn’t know who she was. From over a 100million MySpace blogs, Billi chose a former Big Brother housemate to chat up online.

Captivated by her beauty and charms, Billi failed to read all about her “BB gossip forum” and her magazine columns.

Ignorant of her fame, Billi wooed her. And Billi – 32-1 to win the show with our free bet – won.

“He’s a demon in the sack,” says Vanessa. “The sex was absolutely amazing – he’s a great kisser and really good in bed.”

Good in bed and a demon in bed. We should explore further, dive into the complex relationship between good an evil.

But Vanessa is showing the world her primary female characteristics in the Sport and has more to say.

“It wasn’t what you’d call a serious relationship – we were more like friends who f**ked,” says she.

That was then. Now Billi is on the telly and he’s got his eye on someone else. “Chanelle is definitely his type,” says Vanessa. “She is the prettiest in the house and exactly the sort of girl he finds attractive.”

For the record, Vanessa is orangey-black of skin and tangerine of hair. Her breasts are hanging out of a blue dress. Chanelle is white with blonde-ish hair. Her backside is being restrained by a strip of black dental floss. Either Vanessa doesn’t know what she’s talking about or really does think she and Chanelle are of the same mould.

Of course, both women have been on Big Brother. Maybe all women on the show end up looking the same? In which case Carole (29-1) should start to unravel her underwear and Charley (94-1) hire out her pet hair.

And what of Billi? What are the mad odds on Billi finding not one but two women who have been on the show? It’s nothing less than kismet.

Posted: 18th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother Liam McGough’s Claim To Fame

DID you know that Liam – 8-1 to win the show -once looked after Sir Bobby Robson’s trees.

Posted: 18th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comments (14) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother (Free Bet) Odds: Charley Uchea To Go

CHARLEY has to go next. Nicky Maxwell is telling Billi Bhattia and Brian Belo how the South London starts fights “for no reason [other than that] she is bored”. Nicky is “sick” of her behaviour in the house.

Billi suggests Charley might be doing it to give the viewers “something good to watch”.

Says Nicky: “In this environment, it’s not fair for 14 other people just to put up and shut up.”

So, if given the chance to nominate (and most of the housemates have not had a go yet) Nicky will vote for Charley. So will Laura, who Charley called the “most two-faced person in the house”. Chanelle will vote for her. And Charley will be up for eviction.

And the audience at home loathe her. So she will go.

Get in early before the vote and take Charley to be the next out at 2-1.

Posted: 17th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother Chanelle Hayes On Soggy Conflakes And Suicide

YOU know how we were wating for Chanelle to talk about food and tell us, a la Posh Spice, how she eats like horse and can’t put on weight and be ‘lucky Laura’ and ‘jammy Carole’ for won’t of trying?

Well, Brian Belo is talking about milk. He hates it. So does Chanelle:

“I fucking hate it. I pour skimmed milk on my cereal then drain it off just so the cornflakes are wet. I absolutely hate it. I hate it. It makes me want to kill myself.”

Is she pouting yet..?

Chanelle’s favouite to win! Back her with a free tenner.

Posted: 17th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother’s Gerry Stergiopoulos Evicted For Aunty Carole

BIG Brother’s Gerry Stergiopoulos is to be evicted. No –ho-ho – not from the show. Gerry’s second favourite to win at 7-1 with Betfair – decent odds that should be considered for your free £10 bet.

Gerry is being kicked out of his pre-celebrity house. “Before BB started everyone was trying to get hold of him,” says Sara MacRae, who has lived with Gerry, in the Star.

“We were wondering why he was being so irresponsible because he isn’t usually.

“He told me he was going away to Greece for three weeks because his aunt was ill and basically he wasn’t going to be easy to get hold of.

“I saw him pack and I was thinking, ‘Why is he packing leathers to go to his aunt’s who is sick?’”

You mean aunty Carole..?

Posted: 17th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother Billi Bhatti Shags A Housemate

MORE coupling in the Big Brother Petri Dish as the News of The World says Billi Bhatti “wooed” former BB contestant Vanessa Layton-McIntosh.

Billi a model, it says here, is said to have discovered Vanessa on MySpace.

And – get this – Billi did not know who she was. Yes, Really. Imagine that. Billi ends up on Big Brother and out of 100million MySpace blogs he chooses a former Big Brother housemate to chat up online. Kismet.

A friend explains: “He just really liked the look of her, but didn’t realise she had been on telly. She’s just Billi’s type—all smoky eyes and sexy curves. They swapped a few flirtatious emails and then decided to meet up for a drink. Then things really took off.”

Billi ended up on Big Brother. And Vanessa got another go another go at celebrity. Not that Billi looks like he’ll hang around for long – he’s second favourite for eviction at a generous 33-1. (Back him with your free £10 bet.)
Wouldn’t it be spooky if Billi and Vanessa had the same agent…

Posted: 17th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


You Know You’re Not A Big Brother Star When…

A YEAR or so ago Pete ‘Wankers’ Bennett was the star of the show. But now this is for sale:

Welcome to the No1 Pete Bennett Fan Site!
This website is dedicated to Pete Bennett, his Fans and Tourette’s!

THIS WEBSITE / DOMAIN IS FOR SALE!!
2200 FORUM MEMBERS, NO.1 IN GOOGLE FOR ALL RELEATIVE SEARCH PHRASES, 1000’S OF VISITORS EVERY MONTH – INTERESTED?

Is anyone interested in Pete? Nikkkkkkkkki?

Posted: 16th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Thongs For Goalposts: Big Brother Nine-A Side

BOREDOM in the hosue. So up steps Carol to show us what she learnt in the Greenham Common wimmins’ (we-shall-not-be) movement. She knits a…football. The lumpenproletariat rejoice. Carole saves the day. Carole goes in goal. The fat kid goes in goal to ensure they will be picked. Or, in Carole’s case, that they won’t be… Carole to win at 26-1. Learn how to place your bet here. And how to get your FREE £10 bet here

Posted: 16th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother’s Sexism And Chanelle’s ‘Waggage’

IS this what the Suffragettes got their heads stoved in by horses hooves for?

The furore over racism has helped obscure the sexism that characterises this series and which nobody notices, doubtless in part because the women are such willing participants. Even before the Emily incident, the show reminded me of Clueless, Amy Heckerling’s update of Emma. Only now the target of parody is Jane Austen’s near contemporary, Mary Wollstonecraft: Big Brother, meet Sister Suffragette.

In her Vindication of the Rights of Women, Wollstonecraft objected to the lack of education that left women choosing between two forms of prostitution: the “common” form, streetwalking, or the “legal” form, marriage. Cue Big Brother contestant Chanelle, who aspires to our newest form, Waggage.

Posted: 16th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother’s Marketing Strategy With Jonathan Durden

YOU are the “clients”. The “business” is the celebrity. And know:

The lifeblood of what we, the suppliers of these marketing services, do as a matter of survival is to focus regularly upon winning new clients, or to defend existing business against ravenous rivals. It is a fickle sector where success or failure feels like constantly pulling on wet tissue paper, and where certain vital decisions are made subjectively or, on occasion, illogically.

He’s got it all worked out…

Posted: 16th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Big Brother Orgy Of…

jonathan-big-brother.jpg“BIG BROTHER ORGY BEGINS,” say the Star’s front-page headline.

The paper omits to say what this orgy consists of, and having watched Big Brother 8 since it began, Anorak suggests it’s an orgy of moaning, whining and bitching.

Of course there are four news housemates. Shabnam, who left with her backside exposed (Sun: “Shabnam gets bum’s rush”) has left and been replaced by Brian Belo, Liam McGough, Jonathan Durden, Billi Bhatti and .

Of course, what with them being lads, the orgy may be one of released gas, fighting and singing bawdy songs about ten German bombers and girls from Faliraki.

Or they could talk about rehab with Jonathan. As the Sun reports, “BIG Brother millionaire Jonathan Durden is nursing a secret heartache — the death of his wife.”

Who says you can’t fined entertainment in anything? And readers learn that madcap John’s wife of 18 years, Laura Naska Durden, was found dead in 2003 “after suffering from anorexia”.

He grew depressed. He checked into The Priory.

But he got better. And better. As a pal tells us: “He’s one of those mad, creative types who always live life on the edge. He became quite a hit with the ladies — he was very, very successful. His s******g exploits are legendary.”

We lean that he used “mind techniques” to bed women.

So we might get an altogether more risqué kind of orgy after all. Now if John can just locate Samanda’s mind…

Posted: 16th, June 2007 | In: Big Brother TV | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0