Celebrities | Anorak - Part 20

Celebrities Category

Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.

Stephanie Davis: everything you don’t already know about me and Zayn Malik (secretly)

Stephanie DAvis ZaynStephanie Davis stands in her underwear on the Daily Star’s Page 7.

Davis is the demure “Hollyoaks babe” all set to enter the Celebrity Big Brother house and “dish the dirt” on former One Direction mumbler Zayn Malik.

The paper tells us that Stephanie and Zayn “secretly dated four years ago”.

Secretly dated?

The Sun: October 3 2011: “Zayn’s getting his Oaks – She’s in the fame game too so she understands what it’s like to have people interested in her private life. They’re very sweet together.”



Screen Shot 2016-01-01 at 21.11.51


Define ‘secret’.


Posted: 1st, January 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment

Kay Burley offers top tip to York flood victims

Sky news anchor Kay Burley has a top tip for York City flood victims:


Kay Burley offers top tips to York flood victims

Posted: 29th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Did Karren Brady And Duncan Bannatyne inspire this Sunday Sport sex comic?

bannatyneOver on Twitter, jobbing pundit and Alan Sugar Apprentice advisor Karren Brady has seen a picture of televised investor and Dirk Bogarde hair enthusiast Duncan Bannatyne and sniped to Sun readers:  “For a seriously clever entrepreneur, Duncan Bannatyne is acting like a silly old fool. At 66 he has taken up with his second mid-30s partner this year and flaunts it by posting a hilariously repulsive picture, above, of him snogging this young lady.”

Bannatyne responded by tweeting, “Brady is a complete coward to attack my GF in this way. Total coward Brady.”

She was, of course, mocking him, as well she might.

But it is a little odd that Brady should find inter-generational love so repulsive. She works as Vice Chairman of West Ham United under Chairmen David Gold and David Sullivan. Gold’s daughter, Jacqueline Gold, was once married to a man 17 years her junior. Sullivan  (born 1949) is married to a former glamour model (born 1965).

The young Karren Brady was appointed sales director of The Sunday Sport, the tits and football aid to masturbation disguised as a newspaper set up by Sullivan in 1986. The newspaper featured the Sunday Sport Adult Celebrity Comic!

Here’s a tasteful taster (NSFW):


sunday sport


Any similarities to Bannatyne and Brady are purely coincidental.


Posted: 28th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Reviews | Comment

The top five Christmas songs written by Jews

circa 1925: Russian-born US composer Irving Berlin (Israel Baline, 1888 - 1989) at the keyboard with violinist Jascha Heifetz. (Photo by Henry Guttmann/Getty Images)

circa 1925: Russian-born US composer Irving Berlin (Israel Baline, 1888 – 1989) at the keyboard with violinist Jascha Heifetz. (Photo by Henry Guttmann/Getty Images)


Have yourselves a happy Christmas, folks. Here are the top five Christmas songs written by Jews:

“White Christmas” – Written by Irving Berlin. Bing Crosby’s version is the bestselling single of all time

“The Christmas song” (“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire”) – Written by Bob Wells and Mel Torme.

“Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow” – Sammy Cahn.

“Santa Baby” – written by Joan Javits.

“Winter Wonderland” – written in 1934 by Felix Bernard.

Take it away, Eartha Kitt:

Posted: 20th, December 2015 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comment (1)

The greatest line you’ll read about Ted Kennedy – ever!

Reporters question American Senator Edward Kennedy (center, with neck brace) and his wife Joan Kennedy (left, in white coat and dark glasses) as they walk across the tarmac after returning from the funeral of Mary Jo Kopechne, Hyannis, Massachusetts, July 22, 1969. Kopechne died when a car driven by Kennedy went over the side of a bridge on Chappaquiddick Island four days earlier. (Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

Reporters question American Senator Edward Kennedy (center, with neck brace) and his wife Joan Kennedy (left, in white coat and dark glasses) as they walk across the tarmac after returning from the funeral of Mary Jo Kopechne, Hyannis, Massachusetts, July 22, 1969. Kopechne died when a car driven by Kennedy went over the side of a bridge on Chappaquiddick Island four days earlier. (Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images)


Apex Entertainment’s feature movie Chappaquiddick is being talked about by its producer, Mark Ciardi. The Hollywood Reporter trails the trail thus:

On the eve of the moon landing, Senator Kennedy becomes entangled in a tragic car accident that results in the death of former Robert Kennedy campaign worker Mary Jo Kopechne.

Entangled? Read all about poor Ted here.

Posted: 19th, December 2015 | In: Film, Politicians | Comment

Tabloid sensation of the day: Anton de Beke exposes his satsumas

anton de beke


It’s TV’s Anton De Beke – and news of this 5-a-day.

Posted: 17th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

Tabloid letter of the day: perving at Louise Minchin

Tabloid letter of the day:, as fond in the Daily Star:


louise minchin sexy

Posted: 17th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

Hugh Jackman in Eddie The Eagle is Wonderful

Undated: Ski Jumper Eddie Edwards of Great Britain poses for the camera during a feature in his home town of Cheltenham, England. Mandatory Credit: Allsport UK /Allsport

Undated: Ski Jumper Eddie Edwards of Great Britain poses for the camera during a feature in his home town of Cheltenham, England. Mandatory Credit: Allsport UK /Allsport


At the 1988 Winter Olympics Edward “Eddie the Eagle” Edwards was one of the stars. Each one of his ski-jumps for Great Britain was must-see TV.



When Eddie soared.


13-28 Feb 1988:  Eddie Edwards of Great Britain gives the thumbs up before the 70 metres Ski Jump event during the 1988 Winter Olympic Games in Calgary, Canada.   Mandatory Credit: Gray  Mortimore/Allsport

13-28 Feb 1988: Eddie Edwards of Great Britain gives the thumbs up before the 70 metres Ski Jump event during the 1988 Winter Olympic Games in Calgary, Canada. Mandatory Credit: Gray Mortimore/Allsport

Posted: 16th, December 2015 | In: Film, Sports | Comment

Laura Carter: a topless calendar, a Mentos advert and Justin Bieber is huge in bed

What do we make of the news that glamour model Laura Carter had amay-zing sex with Justin Bieber? Carter is represented by model agency Profile Talent. Her 2016 calendar was released in October.


laura carter naked


It was featured in the Daily Star:


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You may know her from the Channel 4 show Young, Free and Single.

She’s a dancer and an actress originally from Leeds but now enjoying the bright lights of London…

Relationship history: Laura was all set for the fairy-tale celeb wedding, with an OK! magazine deal to boot, but her and Emmerdale star fiancé called the wedding off 2 months before the big day. Not to worry, she drowned her sorrows by apparently partying with Prince Harry in Dubai.

The long-term lover was actor Anthony Lewis.


laura carter


She has acted. Her CV features parts in BBC TV’s Casualty and ITV’s Emmerdale. She has worked on adverts for Iceland and Mentos.



We now read Laura Carter’s story of sex with Bieber appeared in the Sun, which has featured other Profile Talent models.

In “My threesome with Justin Bieber: Singer beds Brit model in wild hotel romp”, readers learn:

A MODEL told yesterday how an X-rated game of truth or dare ended with her having a threesome with Justin Bieber. Laura Carter said sex with the singer was “amazing” and that naked pictures of him leaked online “did not do him justice”.

It’s a story of just how terrific Justin is.

Bieber, 21, picked out Laura on a nightclub dance floor after he headlined the Jingle Bell Ball at London’s O2 Arena on Sunday.

Then it was, as Laura claims, off to the “historic Rosewood hotel” (the hotel used to be offices for the Pearl Assurance Company from 1914 to 1989).

Laura, 30, says:

“I was taken to this huge room which had been kitted out with a massive sound system and there was booze everywhere. There were four boys and a group of ten girls, all really glamorous. The party was in full swing and Justin was showing off his dance moves. I wanted to take a selfie to show all my friends but security took my phone at the door and put it in a bucket. He said, ‘Right, girls, let’s play.’ He kissed one of the girls as a dare and that’s when it started to get on another level.”

Laura says she went into his bedroom:

“It was amazing and surreal. The lights were off and we started kissing against a wall. When I looked over to the bed there was another girl. I think she was American. They had clearly been doing something. We got on to the bed and all started fooling around together.”

The other woman left.

“We just had the most amazing sex. We’d stop for a while and have a cigarette together and a chat… Those naked pictures did not do him justice.”

Having heard the testimony about big Bieber, who listened attentively to Laura’s chat about herself, asking her question and showing genuine interest in her life, the Sun says, “The boozy drama will hit Bieber’s attempts to curb his bad-boy image.”

Which it’s precisely what it won’t do.

And then we get this:

The model, who bedded a pal of Prince Harry’s in Dubai in September, said: “A security guard invited me to his table with 20 other girls…”…

Laura has since followed him [Bieber] on Twitter in the hope they can meet up again, but he is yet to respond.

Such are the facts.


Posted: 15th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Sarah Vine channels Jesus in an attack on Kate Middleton

sarah vine bitchToday’s woman being pulled to pieces by Sarah Vine is Kate Middleton, aka the Duchess of Cambridge, who had the temerity to go shopping with non-bouncy hair, “eyes puffy and lined”, and looking “shattered”.

So bitchy and cruel is the Daily Mail’s front-page article that the only sensible deduction is that agent Vine is in the pay of the Royal Family, her job to make the newspapers look invasive and ugly, thus enabling heavily-styled man-with-the-common-touch Prince William to pontificate on press freedom without anyone thinking him a bit of a knob.

Vine’s schtick is to rip her target to pieces before reassembling them, in much the same way a torturer or abusive partner might do. She hopes her attack is the “wake-up call she [Kate] needs to finally do what everyone is probably begging her to do: slow down, stop being such a perfectionist and have a well-deserved rest. It is Christmas, after all.”

It is what Jesus would have wanted.


Posted: 14th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, Royal Family | Comment

Louis Johnson wins Strictly Come Dancing

No sooner has the X Factor ended than the Daily Star is talking abut next season’s show. The front-page new is that George Michael is to be one of the show’s judges. If there’s one man who knows about the justice system it’s George.

And everyone wants him. Over two pages, readers learn that George is at the centre of a “bitter tug of war between the X Factor and the Voice”. If those are George’s only career options, if might be time to put in a call to Andrew Ridley.

It all reads like a PR missive, all the more so when the Star labels this season’s ratings “disastrous”. Everyone, we’re told, was watching the BBC’s Strictly Come Dancing. But ITV, which broadcasts The X Factor, need not panic – give it a few months and we’ll all forget who won either show until they start presenting the things.

Over in the Mirror the front-page features this year’s amateur with the X Factor: Louisa Johnson. She is “£6m Louisa”, expected to earn that sum this year alone.

How good is she? Well, Simon Cowell licked his eyeballs and told Johnson, “You’re not human.” He did not make her an offer for her skin and hair, but give it time. Judge Rita Ora called her  “gorgeous, gorgeous”. Rita’s fellow judge Nick Grimshaw says her singing is like a “smack in the face”. So. She’s the new Cheryl Cole, then. Toilet attendants have been notified.

The Express notices that Louisa is blonde. This makes her “angelic” in a way that Reggie and Bollie, whom Louis defeated to win the show, can never be. Angels are all blonde. Fact!

The Sun (“Lou Dunnit”) says Johnson can be as big as Leona Lewis, a former winner who has enjoyed 14 Top 40 singles since winning the show in 2006 – putting her up there with Jedward.

Posted: 14th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comment

Rita Ora hit by X Factor robbery gang

rita ora“COWELL Gang Rob Rita,” yells the Sun from its front page. Pop star Rita Ora looks out at readers, who gnash their teeth, clench their fist and curse Simon Cowell, for it is he, and his gang who rob a singer of her credibility with their Music to Botox By.

Reading on we learn that the Cowell gang are in actual fact thieves who robbed the TV judge. Now Rita has been hit by a “terrifying night-time burglary which police fear was carried out by the same gang who raided Simon Cowell’s mansion.”

Rita wasn’t at home when she crooks stuck, which rather tones down the terror. Add to that the news late in the story that the crime occurred before the raid on Cowell’s place, and you wonder why this old news is new news on the same day as the X Factor grand final?

Posted: 12th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

X Factor: Cheryl goes solo as marriage news runs thin

In trailing the X Factor final, the Sun has focused on the show’s judges, regaling readers with a tale of Rita Ora’s breakaway breasts and now claims Cheryl Cole (as she must ever be) is having domestic troubles.

The front-page news is that Cheryl and her “hubby are on the rocks – Pals fear it’s Caused Gaunt Look.”

Gaunt? Like Jon Gaunt?


jon gaunt


No – ho-ho. The Sun means her thinness, which could be linked to her relations with husband Jean-Bernard.

Cheryl is “fragile”. JB, as he’s known, hasn’t ben seen at a recording of the X Factor. In a list of things that could test a marriage, watching your other half say ‘wow’ and ‘amazing’ every week in a televised marketing campaign is right up there, beaten only, perhaps, by inviting John Terry over for tea and biscuits.

Unsure what to make of it all, we turn to the Sun’s Fan Wootton, who assures us, “Cheryl a fighter”. Well, she does have some history as a lightweight…




Posted: 11th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Tabloid news: ‘Sheridan Smith’s Fanny brims with self belief’

sheridan smith fanny


Tabloid news of the day: “Sheridan Smith’s Fanny brims with self belief.” *


  • Screen Shot 2015-12-11 at 07.14.09


Smith is playing Fanny Brice in the Funny Girl musical.

Posted: 11th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Frank Lampard marries Christine Bleakley for a third time

Former Chelsea footballer Frank Lampard is to marry “TV’s” Christine Bleakley. The Sun’s unnamed source says it will be a “star-studded bash” at London’s The Arts Club.

A few months ago, the Mirror’s 3am Girls told us it wold be “small do”.


Screen Shot 2015-12-10 at 12.46.56


The Belfast Telegraph told us it would be a “big wedding”.


Screen Shot 2015-12-10 at 12.49.03


The Telegraph also stated the pair would marry last year.


Screen Shot 2015-12-10 at 12.55.56


But topping the lot is Closer magazine, which said Christine and Frank would marry in 2013. It reported in May 2013:

After revealing that “2013 would be the year” she marries her fiancé Frank Lampard, Christine Bleakley has told her inner circle that she doesn’t want the footballer’s ex, Elen Rivas, to know her wedding plans…

Insiders add that Christine has started planning a hen party in Dubai, so she’s “tanned and well-rested” for the ceremony. A pal adds: “She says her dress will be vintage. She’s excited and has said: ‘I’m becoming a stepmum and wife on the same day! The girls are as important to me as Frank is.’”

Makes you wonder if those ‘insiders’ know anymore than the tabloid outsiders?

As Frank told ITV in 2013: “We never had any wedding kind of planned but we certainly are going to get married. But we’d love to do it when no one knows and we’re just done. That’ll be our style, I think.”

Such are the facts.

Posted: 10th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Have you seen Rita Ora’s nipples?

Rita Ora topless breasts nipples


Big news in the Sun, whereon Rita Ora is trailing the X Factor grand final – and pointing to what this year’s winner can expect from pop stardom:

“RITA – I’ve lost count of times my boobs popped out”.

It’s sensational front-page news – with a key pulled quote from a two-page interview – that has Sun readers asking, ‘Popped out.. for a curry / to the shops?’ And, moreover, what of ‘nipped out’, which certainly lends itself to a better pun.


rita ora tits


We’d leave it there, but spread like a bikini-clad St. Agatha over pages 12 and 13, Rita has more news of her wayward, fresh-air-seeking breasts.

X Factor judge Rita Ora is becoming as famous for her unruly boobs as she is for her singing career.

Rita’s music might be middle-of -the road, but her tits are most certainly punk.

But she doesn’t care and admits she has lost count of the times her nipples have accidentally gone on display.

Gone on display? As in been exhibited, perhaps, in a museum or on Simon Cowell’s mantelpiece? Says Rita:

“It’s fun. It has happened to me lots so I am not paranoid about it anymore. You end up losing track of them.”

Here’s a tip, Rita: why not keep tabs on your boobs by making your next tattoo a barcode. If your breasts gets out, then call UPS and have them trace your primary female characteristics and pick them them – making sure your in between the hours of 8am and 5pm.

Posted: 9th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment

Woman removes 6 ribs to get a 14 inch waist (video)

Pixee Fox found a surgeon willing to remove six of her ribs so that she could look more like cartoon figures, such as Tinker Bell, Sleeping Beauty, Fred Flintstone and Jessica Rabbit.


pixee fox


Fox now boasts a 16-inch waist, which she hopes to slim down to 14 inches.

Pixee’s nose, eyelids, buttocks, lips, eyebrows, labia and cheeks are all surgery assisted.

Oh, yeah, and her massive chest, too:


Posted: 8th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Strange But True | Comment

ITV fail: broadcaster confuses Ainsley Harriott with Lenny Henry

ainsley henry


This week we learnt that TV chef Ainsley Harriott is also Lenny Henry. Who knew? ITV did. As Henry received his knighthood from Her Majesty, the broadcaster showed footage of the one-man double-act’s career:

Of course, the two men are not the same man.

Whoops! A spokesperson for ITV News went on the record:

“ITV News apologises for the error broadcast in the lunchtime news package today regarding Sir Lenny Henry’s knighthood at the palace. This was the result of an error in the production process in a piece intended to celebrate Sir Lenny’s significant achievements in British entertainment.”

Before praising he man’s cooking and big smile.

Posted: 6th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Creepy Christmas songs: Angels of Love

An incredibly creepy Christian kids song for Christmas. Linda Blair is away:


Posted: 6th, December 2015 | In: Music, Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment

Sarah Vine sympathies with online attacks on Gordon Ramsay’s ‘promiscuous’ daughters

gordon ramsay children


For two days the Daily Mail has published this photograph of TV chef Gordon Ramsay’s four children: Jack, 16, Matilda, 14, Holly, 16, and Megan, 17. It was twins Jack and Holly’s joint 16th birthday party, and the family were dolled up for a party.

The Mail’s Sam Creighton said the children had been the victims of “online attacks”. Well, not the children so much as the three females, who had their outfits appraised by sweet Sam. Cop a load of “14-year-old Matilda, wearing a black-and-white crop top  with matching short skirt”, oozed Sam (age on application).


sarah vine girls


One day on and Sarah Vine, aka Mrs Michael Gove MP, is offering her opinion on the outfits. As you can see, Jack has been cropped from the family photo. Sarah opines:

Poor Gordon Ramsay – now there’s three words I never thought I’d write. The 49-year-old chef posted what he thought was an innocent picture of his children on a night out – and was hit by a tsunami of online criticism about his parenting skills. The problem was the girls’ outfits. Matilda, 14, in a stripy crop top and skater skirt; Holly, 16, in a slip of a sequin dress; and Megan, 17, also in a crop top and spangly mini-skirt.

A pox on that online criticism. Why can’t these nasties / trolls / dickheads get a newspaper column like Sarah Vine and mock women here, here, here, here and here?

She continues:

‘Way too much skin,’ observed one critic; ‘keep their innocence a little longer’ suggested another; ‘those are some short skirts,’ said a third. I can certainly see what they mean…

The online comments which will have cut Ramsay most deeply, the ones that prey on every protective dad’s (and mother’s) darkest fears, are the ones that said his daughters looked like ‘hoochies’ — slang for promiscuous young girls.

Having sympathised with those online attackers, Vine concedes:

…today it’s different in a way I’m only beginning to understand. The pressure to look a certain way is so much more intense. When I was a teenager, you hardly ever saw a photo of yourself. But in the age of photo-sharing apps such as Instagram, girls are constantly reviewing and analysing their appearance.

To say nothing of the horror of being analysed by middle-aged moralists in the Daily Mail, which she doesn’t.

Posted: 2nd, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment

Leicester City striker Jamie Vardy gets the Hollywood movie treatment

vardy the sun


Jamie Vardy, Leicester City’s can’t-stop-scoring striker, is to star in a Hollywood film, says the Sun. Well, not him, but an actor playing the 28-year-old footballer.

And who might that actor be? Well, the Sun lines up Robert Pattinson, Andrew Garfield and Zac Efron.

To which the first question is: has anyone in Hollywood seen Jamie Vardy?

And then the season question: is Vardy’s catchphrase ‘Chat Shit Get Banged’ a working title?


Posted: 30th, November 2015 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, Sports | Comment

Cynthia Robinson (1944 – 2015)

Cynthia Robinson has died of cancer. The musician played trumpet with Sly And The Family Stone Roots drummer Questlove salutes her life:

… she wasn’t just a screaming cheerleading foil to Sly & Freddie’s gospel vocals. She was a KICK ASS trumpet player. A crucial intricate part of Sly Stone’s utopian vision of MLK’s America. Cynthia’s role in music history isn’t celebrated enough. Her & sister Rose weren’t just pretty accessories there to “coo” & “shoo wop shoo bob” while the boys got the glory. Naw. They took names and kicked ass while you were dancing in the aisle. Much respect to amazing CynthiaRobinson.

This video show Robinson and the Family in 1968:


Posted: 28th, November 2015 | In: Celebrities, Music, Reviews | Comment

An open letter to Katie Hopkins: keep going!

Katie Hopkins

Katie: keeping hacks employed

When the Independent vowed to say no more on former reality TV contestant Katie Hopkins’s to-deadline polemics, we wondered if it would last. The paper’s story, headlined “Dear Katie Hopkins”, was an Indy manifesto:

“You don’t know us, but sometimes you retweet the articles we write about you. You might retweet this one, who knows. We’re writing today to say we’re ignoring you from now on.”

The open letter contained links to six Indy articles on outrageous things Katie Hopkins had uttered in other publications and social media. It was pretty clear that when Katie spoke, the Indy listened. But no more. That was then.

So how many articles has the Indy produced on Things Katie Hopkins Says since its open letter of September 25?

Answer : 26.


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Why don’t they just employ her and cut out the middleman?


Posted: 28th, November 2015 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Reviews | Comment

Is Cher Dead?

On December 2014, Cher had three months to live, reported the National Enquirer.




Seven months later Cher was dead.



Cher is not dead.



Posted: 21st, November 2015 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer, Reviews | Comment