Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
GIVEN the need to stuff festive stockings or find something to get through the hideous day, I cannot recommend highly enough Andy Kershaw’s bio No Off Switch. To buy click here.
Ch 32, A Tour of the Cages, adds context to the photo – a Christmas lunch in 1985, held in September. He writes:
“My Radio 1 colleagues could be categorised into three species: there were those who, by the measures of most people, would be considered unfit to be released into the community, never mind set loose on national radio; others had absolutely no personality whatsoever, and even less interest in music, rendering their presence in the broadcasting game, and on a music radio station at that, unfathomable; and just a handful were quite normal, engaging individuals. How the latter bunch ever got over the threshold is, in the light of evident recruitment priorities, perhaps the biggest mystery.”
Was Ringo Starr busy?
THANKS to the X Factor and James Arthur, Muhammad Shahid Nazir’s One Pound Fish song has less chance of being the Christmas No.1 hit than Tony Blair has of finding his soul.
And the chances of Nazir singing his song live on 1000 Great Xmas Hits recedes by the day as the UK Border Agency notes that there’s something fishier about Nazi than just his tonsils.
TOM Waits has view on recording artistes who let marketing wonks use their songs in adverts. In this letter, Waits refers to the 2002 article in The Nation by John Densmore of The Doors (highlights after the letter):
Woodland Hills, Calif.
Thank you for your eloquent “rant” by John Densmore of The Doors on the subject of artists allowing their songs to be used in commercials [“Riders on the Storm,” July 8]. I spoke out whenever possible on the topic even before the Frito Lay case (Waits v. Frito Lay), where they used a sound-alike version of my song “Step Right Up” so convincingly that I thought it was me. Ultimately, after much trial and tribulation, we prevailed and the court determined that my voice is my property.
Songs carry emotional information and some transport us back to a poignant time, place or event in our lives. It’s no wonder a corporation would want to hitch a ride on the spell these songs cast and encourage you to buy soft drinks, underwear or automobiles while you’re in the trance. Artists who take money for ads poison and pervert their songs. It reduces them to the level of a jingle, a word that describes the sound of change in your pocket, which is what your songs become. Remember, when you sell your songs for commercials, you are selling your audience as well.
When I was a kid, if I saw an artist I admired doing a commercial, I’d think, “Too bad, he must really need the money.” But now it’s so pervasive. It’s a virus. Artists are lining up to do ads. The money and exposure are too tantalizing for most artists to decline. Corporations are hoping to hijack a culture’s memories for their product. They want an artist’s audience, credibility, good will and all the energy the songs have gathered as well as given over the years. They suck the life and meaning from the songs and impregnate them with promises of a better life with their product.
Eventually, artists will be going onstage like race-car drivers covered in hundreds of logos. John, stay pure. Your credibility, your integrity and your honor are things no company should be able to buy.
Dread ripples through me as I listen to a phone message from our manager saying that we (The Doors) have another offer of huge amounts of money if we would just allow one of our songs to be used as the background for a commercial. They don’t give up! I guess it’s hard to imagine that everybody doesn’t have a price. Maybe ’cause, as the cement heads try to pave the entire world, they’re paving their inner world as well. No imagination left upstairs…
It all started in 1967, when Buick proffered $75,000 to use “Light My Fire” to hawk its new hot little offering–the Opel. As the story goes–which everyone knows who’s read my autobiography or seen Oliver
Stone’s movie–Ray, Robby and John (that’s me) OK’d it, while Jim was out of town. He came back and went nuts. And it wasn’t even his song (Robby primarily having penned “LMF”)! In retrospect, his calling up Buick and saying that if they aired the ad, he’d smash an Opel on television with a sledgehammer was fantastic! I guess that’s one of the reasons I miss the guy.
It actually all really started back in ’65, when we were a garage band and Jim suggested sharing all the songwriting credits and money. Since he didn’t play an instrument–literally couldn’t play one chord on piano or guitar, but had lyrics and melodies coming out of his ears–the communal pot idea felt like a love-in…
Vaclav Havel had it right when he took over as president of Czechoslovakia, after the fall of Communism. He said, “We’re not going to rush into this too quickly, because I don’t know if there’s that much difference between KGB and IBM.”…
The late, transcendental George Harrison had something to say about this issue. The Beatles “could have made millions of extra dollars [doing commercials], but we thought it would belittle our image or our songs,” he said. “It would be real handy if we could talk to John [Lennon]…because that quarter of us is gone…and yet it isn’t, because Yoko’s there, Beatling more than ever.” Was he talking about the Nike ad, or John and Yoko’s nude album cover shot now selling vodka?…
So, in the spirit of the Bob Dylan line, “Money doesn’t talk, it swears,” we have been manipulated, begged, extorted and bribed to make a pact with the devil. While I was writing this article, Toyota Holland went over the line and did it for us. They took the opening melodic lines of “Light My Fire” to sell their cars. We’ve called up attorneys in the Netherlands to chase them down, but in the meantime, folks in Amsterdam think we sold out. Jim loved Amsterdam.
JAMES Arthur won the X Factor 2012. He’ll get the Christmas Number 1 single and to two spend the next five months waiting for X Factor 2013 to kick in so that he can get a marketing-driven backstory for his next single. He will pass the time wondering if he should wear a hat or not wear a hat. We went to see him at Manchester’s The Lowry Hotel. He was smoking cigarettes. Like a real rock ‘n’ roll star:
THE death of Jacintha Saldanha is now a reality TV show. You join us on Australian TV’s A Current Affair, where DJs Mel Greig and Michael Christian are being interviewed by a syrup miner. Can they become victims? Can they cry?
Vote 0800KILLTHEOZZIESCUM for Michael to be beaten with sticks.
Call 0800GETTHE BLONDEBITCH to turn Mel into Autralia’s Esther Rantzen:
SOUTH Korea’s pop sensation Psy once had a few words to say about the Americans. In his song Dear American, the singer rapped in 2004:
Kill those f***ing Yankees who have been torturing Iraqi captives/Kill those f***ing Yankees who ordered them to torture/Kill their daughters, mothers, daughters-in-law and fathers/Kill them all slowly and painfully.
LORD Sugar v Donald Trump. Who wins on Twitter?
WHEN getting a UV glow-in the-dark Yoda tattoo, do your research. One commentator notes: “Yoda had a green saber.”
THE celebrity culture taught us that private tragedy is public grief. So. Max Clifford. How will the press react to the arrest of the tabloid hero who has handled so many shag ‘n’ tells? Mr Clifford must be presumed innocent. But he’s a celeb, isn’t he. A face. And in the current clime we are not to trust the familiar and the connected.
OH. MAX Clifford, former orgy facilitator and go-to man for tabloid shag ‘n’ tells has been arrested as part of the witch-hunt / hysteria / investigation into historic sex offences. Reports are that Clifford was arrested by Metropolitan Police officers working on Operation Yewtree.
JOHN Travolta and Olivia Newton-John, the one-time screen couple (Grease) say I Think You Might Like It.
This is what Happened to Sandy and Danny after their car took off into the skies. Danny’s jacket wore thin on the elbows, forcing him to patch it up with his head. Olivia opted for rubber*.
* Faces are inter-changeable.
STUART Stuart Hall, 82, the BBC Radio 5 Live sports reporter, has been charged with historic allegations of three counts of indecent assault on girls aged between nine and 16 years old between 1974 and 1984.
During that period, Hall presented the BBC’s regional news show for the North West.
Lancashire police say:
“Following consultation with the Crown Prosecution Service an 82-year-old man has today been charged with three offences of indecent assault. He has been released without charge on the allegation of rape and a further allegation of indecent assault.”
BEFORE eating kangaroo anus on I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!, chewing off politicos on Question Time and smacking his cops at butter, John Lyndon appeared on Judge Judy. It was October 1997 when Lydon appeared before the TV Beak known in her lounge as Judy Sheindlin. Robert Williams was suing the former Sex Pistol and Public Image Ltd frontman for breach of contract and assault and battery.
Virgin Records produced a press release in defence of their act:
Williams filed criminal battery charges against Lydon. The charges were immediately dismissed when police investigators determined that Williams’ case was completely unfounded. A subsequent civil suit was filed by Williams in small claims court claiming damages of $5,000 in lost wages and “civil battery.”
Upon learning of the ongoing dispute between Lydon and Williams, the staff of “Judge Judy” recently approached Lydon’s representatives and offered to adjudicate. When Gardner called Lydon to inform him of Judge Judy’s offer, Lydon accepted immediately, exclaiming, “I love this country!”
STUART Hall OBE, verbose and florid BBC Radio 5 commentator and former host of TV’s It’s a Knock Out host has been arrested on suspicion of rape and indecent assault.
The 82-year-old was tonight being questioned on suspicion of rape and indecent assault as his home in Wilmslow, Cheshire, was searched by detectives.
A spokesman for Lancashire Police says:
“An 82 year old man from Wilmslow in Cheshire has this morning been arrested by Lancashire Police at his home address on suspicion of rape and indecent assault. The man will be interviewed at a police station during the course of the day. The allegations are historic. We are not prepared to discuss further.”
PARIS Hilton has been in India. She wore an orange spot on the bridge of her nose. Her third eye was winking. She then killed music. There were no anti-porn protests: Read the rest of this entry »
Read the rest of this entry »