Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
IN 1967, Sandra Dodd, a 14-year-old fan living in the USA wrote to David Bowie. Would Bowie be interested in endorsing her efforts to start a USA fanclub? The 20-year-old Bowie took the time to reply.
I hope one day to get to America. My manager tells me lots about it as he has been there many times with other acts he manages. I was watching an old film on TV the other night called “No Down Payment” a great film, but rather depressing if it is a true reflection of The American Way Of Life. However, shortly after that they showed a documentary about Robert Frost the American poet, filmed mainly at his home in Vermont, and that evened the score. I am sure that that is nearer the real America.
<ahref=”http://www.lettersofnote.com/2009/12/my-real-name-is-david-jones.html”>Letters of Note
THE OSCARS 2013 – the pick of the lines:
Anne Hathaway: “Here’s hoping that sometime in the not-too-distant future, the misfortunes of Fantine will only be found in stories – and not in real life.”
Because Les Miserables is a fly-on-the-wall documentary.
THE Oscars 2013 – who wore what. Nicole Kidman cam dressed as a Dubai beach oil slick; Jessica Chatain looked Hollywood fabulous; Charlize Theron looked elegant; Adele looked meh; Jennifer Aniston had channeled her personality into her dress (dullsville); Bradley Cooper’s mum wore Ostrich by Bernie Clifton; Naomi Watts’ dress was unfinished; Catherine Zeta Jones wore a face that makes an Oscar look pot-marked; and Anne Hathaway has a tissue tucked in somewhere:
IN the 1980s, fans could get close to the stars on telephone chatlines. The messages were pre-recorded. But the billing was live.
The New Kid On The Block had a message for you:
KURT Vonnegut wrote to Richard Gehman in 1967. He had advice to give.
“Mornings are for writing and so are most of the afternoons… The classes don’t matter much.”
Gehman was due to teach at University of Iowa’s famous Writer’s Workshop,where Vonnegut had been there from 1965 to 1967.
“Cancel classes whenever you damn please.”
LIGHTS, cameras… Cue wailing and gnashing of teeth… Yes, it’s Oscars time again, and that means Oscar speeches.
Rebecca Rolfe, of the Georgia Institute of Technology has been analyzing these excruciating exercises in emoting, and says that the average length of an acceptance speech was 44 seconds for men and 39 seconds for women in the 1960s. Now it is 1 minute and 57 seconds for men and 1 minute 56 seconds for women. Interestingly, 71 per cent of the tears have come since 1995.
IN May 2012, Patricia Krentril was arrested in New Jersey for taking her 5-year-old daughter to a tanning salon, where she was burnt. Krentil, who looks George Hamilton’s portrayal of Geppetto’s Mr. Hankey, became a star. In May of that year, Patty Baked swore of tanning. Well, she agreed to take the challenge issued by In Touch magazine and abstain from UV rays for 30 days. Sure, she still used Jergens self-tanner and told us “I feel weird and pale”, but she did it. But now she’s back. And the Sun says she heading to the UK – in search of a tan!
(After which she will head to the Himalayas in search of the Abominable Snowman; Loch Ness in search of a Monster; and Mecca in search for a bacon roll.)
Says Patty Baked:
“I was born to tan — and there is nothing like the colour that you get from a sunbed. But in the past year I have been banned from tanning salons. Now I have to spend hours covering myself in tanning lotion to get the colour I want.”
KATIE Price aka Katie ‘Loud’ Hayler and her husband Kieran (pronounced: Kevin) are to have a baby. Katie says, “We’re all over the moon.” She is also sick as parrot and delighted that Kevin’s cross-come shot tricked over the line. Other football phrases to watch out for: too good to go down; a games of two halves; a great advert for the game…
RIP Bob Godfrey. You created Roobab and Custard, the story of the chipper snot-green dog and the snide purple cat. Everything wobbled.
You died in the same week as Richard Briers, the actor who gave your characters voices.
THEM Mirror’s front-page scoop is an extract from a interview Ant ‘n Dec did in the Guardian’s Weekend section. The TV presenters say they love booze. Just love it. But that’s ok. Getting off your face on alcohol is legal. The shocker is: “Ant ‘n’ Dec’s shock confession – We’ve taken drugs and voted Tory.”
Suit-wearing TV stars vote for lower taxes and have taken drugs?
What scoops to follow: Jordan sleeps on her back! Pope enjoys balcony views! Tony Blair has no shadow!
JORGE Pérez of patáx slaps woman on the bottoms for his art. Born in Boston in 1979, Pérez was raised in Madrid where he studied percussion at the Creative Music School in Madrid. He returned to Boston to study at the Berklee College of Music. There he pulled together this ensemble. The woman’s names are not known, and are thought to be Jeremy Irons’ former secretaries picking up stray paperclips:
SAYS Jeremy Irons in the Radio Times: “If a man puts his hands on a woman’s bottom, any woman worth her salt can deal with it. It’s communication.”
But what does it say, Jezza? To some primative minds it look like it says:
“I can put my hands on your primary sexual characteristics because I’m a man. If you can’t deal with it, then you are not a woman worth the investment. You are a gibbering wreck who probably can’t find your own arse with your own hands unless a man shows your the way. Now run along, love.”
JIMMY Savile was speaking with The New Venture News in 1964. Based on London’s Old Kent Road, New Venture News was talking with “personality of the moment”, Radio Luxembourg DJ Jimmy Savile. A “young lady” is also in the room.
In the interview, Savile says he was “4” when he embarked on a “love affair” with a 16-year-old. His most embarrassing moment was being “caught” in a Great Yarmouth caravan with “five girls”. He says his life is “an open book”:
AT the Brits Awards 2013, Mitch Winehouse arrived wearing a waistcoat bearing a picture of his daughter Amy Winehouse (quote: “I used to walk into the Hawley Arms, grab a bag of mince and cook meatballs.“)
Mitch is the cabbie called to give evidence to the House of Commons Committee’s debate on the cocaine trade. On Mitch’s website, the blurb for his album tells readers: “Mitch joins a list of illustrious artists from Elton John to Matt Monro who have performed Tony’s songs.” He’s written a hook called Amy, My Daughter. That’s not to be confused with his Channel 4 documentary My Daughter Amy. Mitch, who told us that his daughter’s new boob job “looks great”. You might have caught him on the chatshow Mitch Winehouse’s Showbiz Rant. So here’s Mitch on the Brits red carpet. Amy was nominated for her posthumous album Lioness: Hidden Treasures.
KIM Kadashian is in DuJour Magazine. The teaser boasts that this is the first in-depth celebrity interview conducted from within the subject matter:
Fearless in the face of scrutiny and a hopeless romantic in a cynical age, everywoman Kim is impossible to define.
But feel free to try. Kim is the 5ft 2inch beige wall whose mother turned an internet screw into a range of underwear, linen and perfume.
SDEIDI is HeidiMontag and Spencer Pratt, a waxy coupling last seen winning Celebrity Big Brother on Channel 5 (now snow free!). For the third issue on the bounce, Speidi is on OK!’s cover. We go “inside their £7m Californian Beach House“. We learn “We’ve Gained FIVE Stone”.
You start to think that that FIVE stone is part of the marketing for their documentary on Channel 5, OK!’s sister organ. Called Speidi: Scandal, Secrets & Surgery!, the show is a warts-and-all-removed look at the couple who defeated Toadfish from Neighbours Sam Robertson from CBB and aide to masturbation Lucy Banghard to be stars.
THE World’s greatest ever Harlem Shake. A washing machine meme’s it maker:
CAN you play Massvie Attack’s Tear Drop on an aubergine? j.viewz investigates:
CATHY Ward, 51, Cathy Ward, has scene and quotes from the Twilight books and films on her skin. In the right light, you can role her around in bed and read her. Her lovers’ are never without literary stimulation. Of her ink of Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, and Taylor Lautner, Ward says:
“I’m still continuing with them. We’ve got plans and designs for my legs next year – the aim is to cover my whole body.”
WE are told what kind of Haribo sweets was allegedly tossed at Chloe Sims, the TOWIE strumpet with the looks of a young Freddie Mercury. Jelly Bears. Two of them. The alleged incident is said to have occurred at Hannah Kahn’s 13th birthday party. The Sun reports that Sims, 31, had been paid £3,000 to be the guest of honour at do. Reportedly, Sims was struck on the head and breasts by the 1cm soft-shell sweeties. She left with a “headache“. The Sun says Sims “considered calling cops to the party”.
Claims are that Sims never bothered to say goodbye to the birthday girl.
Was Sims put out that the Haribo was not a Starmix, Heart Throb or Heart Ring, the latter being lobbed by a wealthy footballer? What does the Jelly Teddy signify? And it is worse than a Sour Cherry?
1954: Arthur Dubinsky captures Woody Guthrie in New York City’s Washington Square Park. He’s accompanied by Ramblin’ Jack Elliot.
A ROW between the X Factor’s self-declared (see tattoo) “Female Boss” Tulisa and The Voice’s “Dope” will.i.am. Tulisa is claiming credit for some of the lyrics on will.i.am and Britney Spears’ hit Scream & Shout.
Tulisa has called in the lawyers. The Daily Mail notes:
One of the lyrics that Tulisa allegedly wrote was: ‘When you hear this in the club, you’d better turn this s**t up.’