Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
JIMMY Savile was speaking with The New Venture News in 1964. Based on London’s Old Kent Road, New Venture News was talking with “personality of the moment”, Radio Luxembourg DJ Jimmy Savile. A “young lady” is also in the room.
In the interview, Savile says he was “4” when he embarked on a “love affair” with a 16-year-old. His most embarrassing moment was being “caught” in a Great Yarmouth caravan with “five girls”. He says his life is “an open book”:
AT the Brits Awards 2013, Mitch Winehouse arrived wearing a waistcoat bearing a picture of his daughter Amy Winehouse (quote: “I used to walk into the Hawley Arms, grab a bag of mince and cook meatballs.“)
Mitch is the cabbie called to give evidence to the House of Commons Committee’s debate on the cocaine trade. On Mitch’s website, the blurb for his album tells readers: “Mitch joins a list of illustrious artists from Elton John to Matt Monro who have performed Tony’s songs.” He’s written a hook called Amy, My Daughter. That’s not to be confused with his Channel 4 documentary My Daughter Amy. Mitch, who told us that his daughter’s new boob job “looks great”. You might have caught him on the chatshow Mitch Winehouse’s Showbiz Rant. So here’s Mitch on the Brits red carpet. Amy was nominated for her posthumous album Lioness: Hidden Treasures.
KIM Kadashian is in DuJour Magazine. The teaser boasts that this is the first in-depth celebrity interview conducted from within the subject matter:
Fearless in the face of scrutiny and a hopeless romantic in a cynical age, everywoman Kim is impossible to define.
But feel free to try. Kim is the 5ft 2inch beige wall whose mother turned an internet screw into a range of underwear, linen and perfume.
SDEIDI is HeidiMontag and Spencer Pratt, a waxy coupling last seen winning Celebrity Big Brother on Channel 5 (now snow free!). For the third issue on the bounce, Speidi is on OK!’s cover. We go “inside their £7m Californian Beach House“. We learn “We’ve Gained FIVE Stone”.
You start to think that that FIVE stone is part of the marketing for their documentary on Channel 5, OK!’s sister organ. Called Speidi: Scandal, Secrets & Surgery!, the show is a warts-and-all-removed look at the couple who defeated Toadfish from Neighbours Sam Robertson from CBB and aide to masturbation Lucy Banghard to be stars.
THE World’s greatest ever Harlem Shake. A washing machine meme’s it maker:
CAN you play Massvie Attack’s Tear Drop on an aubergine? j.viewz investigates:
CATHY Ward, 51, Cathy Ward, has scene and quotes from the Twilight books and films on her skin. In the right light, you can role her around in bed and read her. Her lovers’ are never without literary stimulation. Of her ink of Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, and Taylor Lautner, Ward says:
“I’m still continuing with them. We’ve got plans and designs for my legs next year – the aim is to cover my whole body.”
WE are told what kind of Haribo sweets was allegedly tossed at Chloe Sims, the TOWIE strumpet with the looks of a young Freddie Mercury. Jelly Bears. Two of them. The alleged incident is said to have occurred at Hannah Kahn’s 13th birthday party. The Sun reports that Sims, 31, had been paid £3,000 to be the guest of honour at do. Reportedly, Sims was struck on the head and breasts by the 1cm soft-shell sweeties. She left with a “headache“. The Sun says Sims “considered calling cops to the party”.
Claims are that Sims never bothered to say goodbye to the birthday girl.
Was Sims put out that the Haribo was not a Starmix, Heart Throb or Heart Ring, the latter being lobbed by a wealthy footballer? What does the Jelly Teddy signify? And it is worse than a Sour Cherry?
1954: Arthur Dubinsky captures Woody Guthrie in New York City’s Washington Square Park. He’s accompanied by Ramblin’ Jack Elliot.
A ROW between the X Factor’s self-declared (see tattoo) “Female Boss” Tulisa and The Voice’s “Dope” will.i.am. Tulisa is claiming credit for some of the lyrics on will.i.am and Britney Spears’ hit Scream & Shout.
Tulisa has called in the lawyers. The Daily Mail notes:
One of the lyrics that Tulisa allegedly wrote was: ‘When you hear this in the club, you’d better turn this s**t up.’
TYPO of the week was found in Katie Price’s column for the Sun:
“They [photos of Kelly in a bikini] don’t seem to be air-brushed and I’m FLABbergasted to see how big Kelly really is… You’re a heffer, Kelly, but still a hot one.”
Having written that, Priced then tweeted:
“I don’t think girls read Sun col right — I never slagged off bigger girls.”
TV BURP was one of the finest things on television, with Harry Hill and his team managing to make one of the silliest, funniest and most surreal tea-time telly shows in history. When it bowed out, there was hole which was irreplaceable.
However, some idiot is trying to replace it. No, we’re not talking about Channel 4’s AWFUL look at television with Paddy McGuinness. In fact, it is considerably worse.
The Mail, of course, took the pledge never again to publish paparazzi photos. It did that to honour Princess Diana. On 8 September 1997, eight days after the death of Princess Diana, the Mail wrote:
Mail leads the way in banning paparazzi pictures.
The proprietor of the Daily Mail, Mail on Sunday and Evening Standard announced last night that his papers will not in future purchase pictures taken by paparazzi Viscount Rothermere, chairman of the Daily Mail and General Trust plc said: ‘I am, and always have been, an admirer of Diana, Princess of Wales, and nagged my editors to protect her so far as they could against her powerful enemies. In view of Earl Spencer’s strong words and my own sense of outrage, I have instructed my editors no ‘paparazzi’ pictures are to be purchased without my knowledge and consent.’
ONE day John Galliano will make Hassidic Jews on-trend. The convicted anti-semite who declared his love for all things Hitler (it’s zer shorts – to die fur) was spotted heading to Oscar de la Renta’s show at New York Fashion Week yesterday.
The New York Post was disgusted. “SHMUCK,” it screamed. How very dare he mock Hasidic Jews. Galliano was dressed in a long dark coat and a grey homburg hat. His hair was twirled.
Young Hassidic Jews sigh with joy. “Finally, already,” they say in one voice. “Finally, the satin and velvet coat, the furry hat and tucking the trousers into the long black socks is fashionable. After 150 years, finally this look is hip again.”
POP history – September 21, 1979: The Clash rocked New York’s The Palladium for two nights. This footage was shot on 8 mm film footage – the bootleg soundtrack put on later. The second night is celebrated forever. This was the night when Paul Simonon smashed his guitar into the stage at the end of White Riot, the show’s last song. Pennie Smith captured the moment that would form the cover shot of the epic London Calling.
MICK Jagger by Francesco Scavullo, 1973.
How Ted Nugent dodged the draft: he ‘bleeds red, white, blue and liberty’ because others do the fighting
TED Nugent is neither dead nor jailed. He makes the pledge then he break the pledge. The self-styled black Jew is a big fan of the National Rifle Association. He is all for protecting hard-won American freedoms. Nugent is a board member of the NRA. The 64-year-old rocker who once told the president to “suck on my machine gun”. Nugent went along to Obama’s State of the Unions address on Tuesday evening.
In a commercial for his Discovery Channel television show, Ted Nugent’s Gun Country, the man of liberty declared:
“I bleed red, white, blue and liberty. And nothing says liberty more than the right to bear arms. Guns built this country and good men with guns made it the American dream. This is a look into the world of guns and America’s obsession with guns through the eyes of the biggest gun nut of all: me.”
APOLOGIES for being little late on this one. Bruce Willis has been on The One Show, the BBC’s bigger budget local news-style telly show. It was painful. Matt Baker and Alex Jones didn’t so much interview Willis as collide with him, Armageddon style. Willis came over as a pillock. Baker was simpering. Jones was creeping.
The choicest cut was when the melting, obsequious duo asked Willis: “When you stared 25 years ago, did you think you’d get a fifth instalment of Die Hard?”
Willis: “Do you even know what’s happening ten minutes from now?”
Add it to the list:
JESUS Is My Nigga “Pastor Rap”. It’s American pastor Jim Colerick and his wife, Mary Sue, doin’ Rappin’ for Jesus.
My crew is big and it keeps getting bigga, that’s cause Jesus Christ is my ni**a!
We can’t find much news on Colerick. But rumours are that he operates at West Dubuque 2nd Church Of Christ.
If it is a spoof, it’s a pretty good one. These, however, are true. Really. This actually happened. These tunes prove the point: the Devil has all the best songs:
MARTINE McCutcheon, aka EastEnders‘ Tiffany Mitchell and Martine Kimberley Sherri Ponting, of Esher, Surrey, has been declared bankrupt. Her “largest creditor” is Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs.