Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
IN 1977, the world was going batty for Star Wars. Over in France, Yves Hayat, Jean-Paul Bataille and Richard Lornac formed Droids. In ’77, two of the trio (whish we can’t say) dressed as robots and shook the room with the song (Do You Have) The Force, with R2D2-styled bleeps and burrs.
“FAT KIM’S PREGNANT A FAKE?” leads the National Enquirer. It’s a headline that suggests a question asked and answered.
Kim Kardashian is carrying hip-hop star Kanye West’s child. The Kardashian way is to exchange privacy for fame. So. Why would she cook up a phantom baby to hide her fatness? Surely simpler for one of the Kardashian Klan to create new episodes by dating a new K-star, like Kris Kristopherson, Kevin Klein, Kato Kalin (grounds keeper for OJ Simpson, who testified at the murder trial where Robert Kardashian, Kim’s dad, worked as the sportsman-turned-actor’s defence counsel), Kiera Knightly or Kermit.
PIERS Morgan wants more gun control in the US.
Hey, @piersmorgan, can you please explain these signs on your Beverly Hills property?
Get off my land!
MAD Men’s Jon Hamm tell Rolling Stone:
“They’re called privates for a reason. I’m wearing pants, for fuck’s sake. When people feel the freedom to create Tumblr accounts about my cock, I feel like that wasn’t part of the deal.”
It’s hard being an actress, isn’t it Jon. Now show us your side moobs…
Nominative determinism note: Ham is not piece of meat.
When Princess Diana played Golden Girl Dorothy, dodged a ‘randy old Taurean’ and went to the gay bar with Freddie Mercury
KENNY Everett’s busty distraction Cleo Rocos has a book out. One section deals with the time she met Princess Diana. Over bellinis, Shy Di would refer to people as “that randy old Taurean” or “Typical Sagittarian, always dancing on the table with a bottle of vodka down his trousers.”
Everett, Rocos and Di then went back to Kenny’s penthouse to watch The Golden Girls. Mercury popped over. The foursome ad libbed their version of the show. Everett was Blanche, Diana was Dorothy, Mercury was Sophie and Rocos was Rose.
SHOULD Anorak favourite Amy Winehouse be immortalised in statue-form? The Amy Winehouse Foundation has hired Scott Eaton to design a bronze statue of the singer to stand on the Roundhouse venue overlooking Chalk Farm Road. It’ll be on the first floor terrace, overlooking Chalk Farm Road.
THE Washington DC-based website Brightest Young Things has removed all of its content for an audit. Why? Because Logan Donaldson, the site’s managing editor “plagiarized whole sections of a 13,000-word music guide from other publications.” The article, “BYT Music Guide Spring/Summer Season 2013″, has been updated. It now reads:
All original words by: Svetlana Legetic, Shauna Alexander, Ross Bonaime, Logan Donaldson Marcus Dowling, Bryce Rudow, Alyssa Moody, Bri Younger & Shelly Bell
Ed Note: This post has been updated to include only original content produced by BYT writers. Thank you for reading and your patience.
BYT founder Svetlana Legetic is aghast and agog:
“There’s absolutely no excuses, for this. It’s a ginormous article. He was the one saddled with the music guide. We obviously don’t copy and paste from press releases. But you run out of ways to describe a new band and it gets to be 2 a.m. I’m not going to let him [Donaldson] go. He produces a lot of great original content. I’m not going to have him resign.”
RIP Richard Griffiths. You were Vernon Dursley in the Harry Potter films and the cooking copper in Pie in The Sky. But above all you were Uncle Monty in Withnail and I.
AT the MoMa, Tilda Swinton has been sleeping in a glass box:
It’s part of an unannounced, surprise performance piece called “The Maybe” that will be taking place on random days all year. A MoMA source told us, “Museum staff doesn’t know she’s coming until the day of, but she’s here today. She’ll be there the whole day. All that’s in the box is cushions and a water jug.”
KATIE Price marked the 5th birthday of KP Equestrian range of clothing by dressing up as a pink horse at the Worx Studios in Parsons Green, west London. Jordan, for it is she, is the inflatable My Little Pony who wanted to be a fairy. The only thing missing from this tableau of family business harmony is someone trying to straddle Katie’s back….
When he wakes up one morning, Bruce Willis finds himself pursued by an entire city!
Willis nearly never dies. But Steve Buscemi is every kind of dead.
DAVID Beckham has a new tattoo. Appearing at Peking University, Becks showed off his latest ink. Written in a Chinese script, it translates to:
“Life and death are determined by fate, rank and riches decreed by Heaven.”
PIERS Morgan wants tighter gun control in the US of A. The CNN host can be seen posing with Snoop Dogg on his Twitter profile. This makes him a hypocrite, right?
I’m not sure if the Sandy Hook families will approve of your “buddy” relationship with a rapper who glorifies shooting people. @piersmorgan
@BenHowe thinks so. He tweets:
I had no idea that @piersmorgan‘s twitter cover was him posing with a guy that made his fortune rapping about shooting ppl (and may have).
RIP Joe Weider. In 1959 the bodybuilding champion taught weaklings How to Develop a He-Man Personality and Make Women Like You. It worked. It could not fail:
SO. How did the Beach Boys sound without autotune?
WE join Singer/Songwriter Daniel Songer in a field by some trees. He is singing a song for Jesus Christ. If you look closely you can see the tress moving towards him. The ground is staring to open up. The skies above are turning dark and tumultuous. And then he ends. And nature faces forward and carries on:
REMEMBER when Robbie Williams left Take That and promptly went all ‘indie’ in a bid to be taken seriously while he stuck all manner of drugs up his conk? Well, The Fat Dancer From Take That has decided he doesn’t like indie anymore and gone mental telling everyone about it.
In a CAPScentric blog rant, Robbie lashed out at Suede’s Brett Anderson who took a swipe at pop music.
DEPECHE Mode were “The most popular electronic band the world has ever known”. They might still be. In 1988, the band’s Dave Gahan and Andy Fletcher appeared on the BBC2 TV show That Was Then…This Is Now.
The band are back with a new album, Delta Machine. They’ve been talking to The Times:
THE more Anorak sees of Justin Bieber , the more we think ‘He should have stayed in school’. Following his recent late show and tantrum in London, Bieber set out to prove that fame and money have not gone to his head. In an Instagram post entitled “F U HATERZ!”, Bieber confronted they who claims he’s going tonto. Nothing will prove your normalcy more than an internet rant. He’s an over-achieber:
“I’m tired of all the countless lies in the press right now. Saying I’m going to rehab and how my family is disappointed in me. My family is beyond proud. If Anyone believes i need rehab thats their own stupidity lol I’m 19 with 5 number one albums, 19 and I’ve seen the whole world. 19 and I’ve accomplished more than I could’ve ever dreamed of, i’m 19 and it must be scary to some people to think that this is just the beginning. I know my talent level and i know i got my head on straight. i know who i am and i know who i’m not My messege is to to believe. I honestly don’t care if you don’t believe in me because I believe in me, and look where that’s gotten me so far.. I’m writing this with a smile on my face and love in my heart.
Letting u know first hand how I feel rather than have these story linger. I’m a good person with a big heart. And don’t think I deserve all of this negative press I’ve worked my ass off to get where I am and my hard work doesn’t stop here. i’m growing up finding myself while having people watch me and criticise me everyday i think im doing pretty damn good. And to those comparing me to Lindsey Lohan. Look at her 2012 tax statements.”
GUNS have been replaced with Thumbs-ups in famous films. Just looking at a gun will make you want one. In the interests of safety, guns have been replaced with thumbs:
MICHELLE Shocked told the fans at San Francisco club Yoshi:
”You can go on Twitter and say ‘Michelle Shocked says God hates fags.’”