Key Posts Category
SINCE time immemorial singers have coloured their faces or hidden behind masks. The masks enable the singers to be freer, take on news personas and cut loose. We’ve flicked through the record archives here at Anorak Towers and now bring you the Top 10 masked pop stars and groups of all time:
Without doubt, the funniest masked band of all time, are the might Gwar. In their time, they’ve cut off limbs, given birth to ghouls and wheeled out giant menstruating beasts on stage. Their warty, demon masks are almost as important as their brand of schlock rock and god bless the lot of ‘em.
IN 1983 Dennis Hopper went to Rice University in Houston, Texas. Students piled onto buses. They followed Hopper to Houston’s Big H Speedway. His arrival was announced thus:
“Stick around folks and watch a famous Hollywood film personality perform the Russian Dynamite Death Chair Act. That’s right, folks, he’ll sit in a chair with six sticks of dynamite and light the fuse.”
Rice News reported:
Dennis Hopper, at one with the shock wave, was thrown headlong in a halo of fire. For a single, timeless instant he looked like Wile E. Coyote, frazzled and splayed by his own petard. Then billowing smoke hid the scene. We all rushed forward, past the police, into the expanding cloud of smoke, excited, apprehensive, and no less expectant than we had been before the explosion. Were we looking for Hopper or pieces we could take home as souvenirs? Later Hopper would say blowing himself up was one of the craziest things he has ever done, and that it was weeks before he could hear again. At the moment, though, none of that mattered. He had been through the thunder, the light, and the heat, and he was still in one piece. And when Dennis Hopper staggered out of that cloud of smoke his eyes were glazed with the thrill of victory and spinout.
POLITICIANS are gentle souls who like to create. Some make art. We’ve noticed a few of them:
Dwight D. Eisenhower
“I have a lot of fun since I took it up, in my somewhat miserable way, your hobby of painting. I have had no instruction, have no talent, and certainly have no justification for covering nice, white canvas with the kind of daubs that seem constantly to spring from my brushes. Nevertheless, I like it tremendously, and in fact, have produced two or three things that I like enough to keep.” – DE
DONNY and Marie Osmond were the stars of their eponymous TV show. Between 1976 and 1979, kids tuned in to see the beaming Mormon siblings singing country-style songs. They also performed skits with star guests, performing parodies of hit films, like Star Wars (1977) and Battlestar Galactica (1978).
THSE are the 10 most WTF adverts ever to appear on Craigslist (until we find another ten):
Baba Ramdev: Keith Vaz supports India’s celebrity swami who says gays are a sickness to be cured by yoga
WHY was Swami Ramdevji detained at Heathrow Airport for eight hours as he tried to make way to Glasgow?
Also known as Baba Ramdev, Ramdevji was scheduled to lead a 1500-strong yoga class in Glasgow this Monday. Immigration stopped him. After hours in limbo, the spiritual leader who is said to be idolised by tens of millions, was handed a 24-hour visa and instructed to return to Terminal Five today. He did so. He was not deported. He was allowed to stay. The yoga class is on.
Leicester East MP Keith Vaz, who backed Ramdev, was there to tell media:
“…it is still a matter of concern to his many supporters and thousands of people who couldn’t be here today that he should have been treated in the way he was treated when he arrived at Heathrow. No Indian citizen with a valid visa entering the UK for lawful purposes should be held in this way. This is a very serious situation that occurred.”
WHY did Aaron Alexis murder 12 people on a US naval base?
The Daily Mirror knows. He was:
“DRIVEN TO KILL BY CALL Of DUTY”
After the stupid headline, the Mirror’s Christopher Bucktin strafes the page with other facts as to why a man murdered a dozen people:
Nuts: He was “Crazed”.
Games: He had been “treated for mental illness after playing violent video games for up to 18 hours day and night”.
PIE and Mash, the traditional cockney staple, is under threat. An ageing fan base, coupled with a shortage of eels, has accelerated the decline of the traditional eel and pie shop.
“I WAS the first to publish report about the 2006 total solar eclipse in the newspaper in Nigeria when I was writing for the defunct New Age newspaper,” says University of Lagos post graduate student, Chibuihem Amalaha.
“I also reported the true situation about the 2010 acid rain in Nigeria. I carried out analysis and found out that there was nothing like cancer of the skin attributed to the acid rain and by 2011, I emerged the best science reporter in Nigeria where I won Nigeria Media Merit Award in the energy category as a science editor with Compass newspapers.”
“Ever since then I have been doing a lot of researches in the country. There are many discoveries and inventions I have made in science and technology. I have also been able to prove that the mathematical symbol pi which people thought of as 22 over 7 is not actually 22 over , but rather a transcendental number while 22 over 7 is a rational number. I also proved that watching television in the dark impacts negatively on one’s eyes and by God’s grace, I was the first person to use scientific instruments to prove it in the whole world. The Nigerian Television Authority (NTA) featured me on this in one of their programmes on January 12, 2013, where I demonstrated to millions of their viewers that watching television in the dark damages the eyes. Usually when it’s around 10pm, many families in Nigeria will switch off their surrounding lights to use the light from television or the light from computer alone thinking that they will see images brighter. But from experiments I found that it’s not true and experts both at the University of Lagos and elsewhere have found my work to be true. The reason for this is because there is a lot of difference in illuminants (brightness) between the television screen and the dark background in the room known as the periphery.
“In recent time I found that gay marriage,which is homosexuality and lesbianism, is eating deep into the fabric of our human nature all over the world and this was why nations of Sodom and Gomora were destroyed by God because they were into gay practice. That is, a man marrying another man and a woman marrying another woman.
“A recent publication on May 3, 2013 shows that France is the 14th country in the world that have legalised gay. I asked myself why should a man be marrying a man and a woman marrying a woman, does it mean that there is no more female for a man to marry or there is no more male for a woman to marry? And recently, Britain told Nigeria to legalise gay marriage of forfeit international aid. I thank God for our lawmakers who refused to sign the bill legalising gay marriage. And so God gave me the wisdom to use science as a scientist to prove gay marriage wrong.
SHOULD a Muslim woman be able to wear a full-face veil in court? Judge Peter Murphy, ‘no’. He says the woman charged with witness intimidation must show her face in Blackfriars Crown Court (above). She says she does not want to show her face in front of men. She wants to keep on her niqab.
A compromise is struck: she can wear the veil in all the parts of the trial where she is not giving evidence.
But her lawyers say the making her remove the veil breaches Article 9 of the European Convention on Human Rights. Which is does not.
The Judge won’t budge any further. To begin with he ruled that she must remove the veil at all times:
“It is necessary for this court to be satisfied that they can recognise the defendant. While I obviously respect the right to dress in any way she wishes, certainly while outside the court, the interests of justice are paramount. I can’t, as a circuit judge, accept a plea from a person whose identity I am unable to ascertain.”
But does he have to check her ID? Don’t the court officers do that before she enters the dock? Can’t they be women?
“It would be easy for someone on a later occasion to appear and claim to be the defendant. The court would have no way to check on that.”
No way? Well, there was a way. An officer of the court swore an oath that the woman in the dock was the same woman as appeared in a photo of the suspect. Accordingly, the suspect was allowed to enter a plea (not guilty).
That’s ‘unpatriotic’: Daily Mirror’s Robbie Savage slams paper’s picture of Spurs and England’s Kyle Walker huffing nitrous oxide
WHEN the Mirror posted that image of Spurs and England defender Kyle Walker huffing nitrous oxide on his summer holidays – it was June – we were not alone in wondering if the paper had sat on the story. ‘Footballer gets off face on summer holidays’ is not a big story. But ‘England footballer facing crunch World Cup qualifying match inhales hippy crack’ is.
The Mirror then followed its shocker with a picture of Roy Hodgson looking not enough unlike Psycho Norman Bates.
We wondered is the Daily Mirror was deliberately trying to unsettle Hodgson’s England?
Mirror journalist Dan Silver thought us “idiots“:
Anorak: “You think the photo the Mirror chose is flattering to Hodgson?”
Dan Silver: “you think the Mirror has a campaign to undermine the England team?”
Anorak: “No. But you’re tapping into the fear factor – not quite the achtung! achtung! of old is it…”
In todays Mirror, columnist Robbie Savage notes:
“Kyle Walker was naïve, and plain wrong, to inhale nitrous oxide ‘laughing gas’ from a balloon at a party. He has apologised for his mistake, the Football Association are not taking any action against him, and that should be the end of the matter. But the timing of the photograph – which caught Walker in the act - being leaked left a lot to be desired. It was clearly designed to unsettle him as England prepared for a vital World Cup qualifier in Ukraine, and it clearly affected Walker’s performance on the night… The people who leaked that photo may have had their own motives, but at a time when everyone in England should have been pulling together and hoping for an important result on the road to Brazil, it didn’t look like a patriotic act of unity to me.
So. Did the Mirror sit on the photo or not? And what was the Mirror’s motive?
The Mirror’s editorial meeting should by interesting.
DAVID DeAngelo, expert in douchery, has written a 10-point article about the art of talking to women… SEXUALLY. He uses the word so often in this piece that it’s impossible to read it without big caps and Zap Brannigan’s voice in your head, writes Rebecca Brynolf.
Let’s take a look at Dave’s advice for talking to women… SEXUALLY, point by point, and see where he might be going wrong.
“Did you know that talking about sex with a woman can be the first step to actually having it?” – It CAN be, if you’ve established a genuine connection and a mutual level of attraction. It CAN also be the first step to a woman pulling the rape alarm, too.
“Unfortunately, most guys screw up big time when they try to turn a conversation in that direction, and end up coming across as “creepy” or clueless.” – No kidding, Dave.
“The solution here is to learn how to flirt with a woman in a sexual way. Here are 10 tips to help you do so.” – In a SEXUAL way, you say?
“Speak in a sexy way
“Think you can turn a woman on with a high-pitched, squeaky voice?” – Hey, it worked for Prince.
“Think again. Women pay more attention to your voice tone than to the words you speak.” – Honestly, sometimes when men speak I’m so overcome with the SEXUALNESS of how men speak rather than what they say that I may as well be listening to Charlie Brown’s teacher.
“When you flirt with a woman in a sexual way, work on improving your delivery. Speak slowly, hold eye contact, deepen your voice and pause. But be careful not to be overdramatic and cheesy.” – Dave, Dave. If you speak slowly with frequent pauses, a woman, or anyone, is going to think that either you’re slow, or you think they’re slow. OR that you think you’re a Brit abroad.
TWELVE years ago the media was full of dark images of the attack on New York that became known as 9/11. Thousands were murdered. So. How do we mark the event? Well, with bad taste:
IF you want to visit America and do the tourist thing, we have majestic natural grandeur coming out of our asses over here, including the Grand Canyon (formerly the longest, deepest land canyon on Earth until that discovery in Greenland last month, when it was relegated to “longest, deepest canyon you can visit while the ice caps still exist”); Yosemite (currently on fire) and Yellowstone, the world’s only national park with the potential to one day cause the extinction of humanity.
But I can’t visit any of that stuff because it’s all in the western part of the US and I live on the east coast, three thousand miles away—too far to drive with only a week’s worth of vacation time, and flying isn’t an option because the whole “Let some TSA-hole feel you up in the airport first” thing is purely bullshit.
JOHN Kerry says any attack on Syria wold not be a war. It would be an “unbelievably small” war. Tiny. Hell, it wold be a non-war. It would be a conflict, like the Falklands. Or a row. Not even that. It would be a minor disagreement between US bombers and a gas…
And that is the same Kerry, who compared Assad to Hitler and called this a Munich moment, Fallows notes:
The concern all along about the administration’s plans has been the gap between the problem it describes — moral outrage, gassing of children, overall carnage — and the response it is proposing. You can talk about that disconnection: Will an attack make a difference? Might it make things worse? I’ve tried to look into such questions in the posts gathered here. Or you could run back-to-back clips of the same Cabinet secretary saying “this is Munich” and “unbelievably small.” It’s unfair to the admirable and usually eloquent Kerry, but in a moment’s slip-up he crystallized a counter-argument.
John Kerry is Adrian Mole, who wrote in his famous diary:
Tuesday April 6th
The nation has been told that Britain and Argentina are not at war, we are at conflict.
I am reading Scoop by a woman called Evelyn Waugh.
I adore ya.
I implore ye
Don’t ignore me.
Nitrous Oxide laugh in: Spurs and England’s Kyle Walker is a victim of the Daily Mail’s drugs misinformation policy
SPURS and England defender Kyle Walker has been pictured inhaling laughing gas from a balloon. The picture was taken last June. Is that bad? Well, taking any stimulant is not a healthy option. He won’t be doing it again.
The Sunday Mirror was aghast and thundered:
“This photograph was taken as he was recovering from an injury that forced him to miss England’s friendly double-header against the Republic of Ireland and Brazil.”
Injured footballer on holiday inhales nitrous oxide. Is that a big deal? Well, it is if you sit on the picture and wait until the eve of England’s big match in the Ukraine to publish it.
Neil Ashton writes in the Mail:
‘The FA insist that Walker, who has seven caps and is expected to start against Ukraine, has not broken any laws or behaved in a way that affects his standing with the England team.”
One Direction fans threaten to kill Aston Villa’s Gabby Agbonlahor for tackling puking Louis Tomlinson
ASTON Villa’s Gabby Agbonlahor has been the subject of death threats on Twitter following his tackle on One Direction and Doncaster Rovers’ Louis Tomlinson at charity football match for former Villa and Celtic man Stan Petrov who was diagnosed with leukaemia.
After the forward’s challenge, Tomlinson went to the sidelines and threw up.
The One Direction fans duly moved on from threatening to murder GQ magazine staffers by threatening to murder a professional footballer:
“@gabby_10 This guy hurt Louis knee. I shall hurt your face. I better hear that you apologized or I will find you, and I will kill you.”
HUSEYIN Centinel wanted to brighten up his area of Beyoglu, Istanbul. So. He spent 4 days and $800 of his own money painting a set of stairs in bright green and sky blue “to make people smile.” And then someone from the Beyoglu municipality painted them gray.
He told TV news:
“I didn’t do it for a group or as a form of activism. I did it to make people smile”
THE Irish Daily Mail wants to highlight the ease with which a journalist can buy marijuana:
“THE ease with which illegal drugs can be bought online is revealed today in an Irish Daily Mail undercover operation. Our reporter was able to click on a website, send an email and a short time later, pay a small-time dealer €50 for three grams of marijuana on a busy Dublin street… The illegal substance was then handed over to the gardaí, and full details of the transaction reported to them.”
Read the rest of this entry »
NICK Wing has a GIF showing all of the people who have died after overdosing on pot:
In a word, yes. But Holder says the State must include “strong and effective regulatory and enforcement systems”.
CHARLES Dozsa was eating a meal in 1988… a succulent Chinese meal… when the police arrested him.
Phrases to watch out for from the magnificent Hungarian:
“Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest.”
“Have a look at the headlock here – get your hand of my pen1s!’
“On what charge, eating a meal, a succulent Chinese meal.”
“Ah Sir, I see you know your Judo.”
“And you sir, are you waiting to receive my limp pen1s?”
IN this Flashback, we look at State Disasters. The show doesn’t always go on
Beyoncé’s bad hair day had a happy ending – she extricated herself from the fan (mechanical, rather than maniacal in this case).
And at least she had the good humour to see the funny side afterwards – other victims of onstage disasters certainly didn’t. And one didn’t even live to tell the tale…
Early signs of the Pink Floyd front-man’s mental disintegration were apparent in 1967. That year he appeared on stage with an entire tube of Brylcreem in his hair into which – according to some accounts – he had crushed a handful of Mandrax tablets. Mandies or not, the lotion melted under the lights, leaving him looking like ‘a guttered candle’. The song Vegetable Man (unreleased) reflected Syd’s self-loathing at the time…
Arthur’s bad hair was in a league of its own, thanks to his famous flaming helmet, worn in honour of The Crazy World of Arthur Brown’s solitary hit, Fire. Its precursor – a colander soaked in methanol – was less successful. The fuel soaked into his scalp and set his head alight at the Windsor Festival in 1967. The fire was put out with beer.
The pioneering British rocker is remembered for two things: his classic single Brand new Cadillac and the mental problems, exacerbated by LSD and booze, which led to incidents such as declaring himself the apostle Matthew at one of his London concerts.
David Bowie was a friend of Taylor’s, and recalls encountering Taylor lying on the pavement in Caring Cross Road, studying a map of Europe and pointing out where UFOs would be landing. He later based the character of Ziggy Stardust on Taylor.
So many to choose from, not least the time he overdosed and fell unconscious twice during a 1973 Who concert in California. After the second incident, Pete Townshend asked if there was a drummer in the audience, and the volunteer played the rest of the set.
Possibly the most spectacular mishap occurred when Moon detonated some powerful fireworks in his drum kit after the band’s 1967 appearance on the Smothers Brothers show. The explosion (7.20 onwards in the clip below) genuinely stunned the hosts, and is blamed by Townshend for his subsequent hearing problems.
December 1971 was a bad month for the Mothers of Invention. First their equipment was set on fire by a flare fired from the audience during an appearance at the Casio de Montreux. The casino was razed to the ground, and, as a final indignity, the fire inspired Deep Purple to write Smoke on the Water.
Later that month a fan pushed Zappa off the stage at London’s Rainbow Theatre. He fell into the concrete orchestra pit, sustaining serious injuries to his head, neck, back and legs, and crushing his larynx. He was wheelchair-bound for a long period afterwards and his voice deepened significantly.
The rock poet ‘did a Zappa’ in 1977, with a 15 foot fall into an orchestra pit in Tampa. She broke several vertebrae.
One Direction’s young shaver was hit squarely in the other kind of ‘orchestra stalls’ by a shoe hurled from the audience during a performance in Glasgow earlier this year.
The Welsh rockers suffered a less dramatic shock in 2004 when Kelly Jones and Richard Jones were electrocuted at the Bataclan in Paris. Sparks flew but the band played on.
The Nirvana bassist failed to catch his instrument after throwing it in the air during the 1992 Music Video Awards. Apparently he still has a dent in his head.
In 201o, Iggy Pop dived at the New York crowd; and missed.
“When I landed it hurt and I made a mental note that Carnegie Hall would be a good place for my last stagedive. The audience were just like, ‘What are you doing?’”
The mother of all stage accidents occurred the following year during a Stone The Crows gig the Top Rank Suite in Swansea. Les Harvey (brother of The Sensational Alex) touched an unearthed microphone with wet hands and was killed on the spot.
Our favourite. Life imitates art as the Irish megastars suffer a Spinal Tap moment – trapped inside a 40ft mechanical lemon. When the fruit malfunctioned the band were forced to clamber out of the back during their PopMart tour in Oslo.