THE British troops are supporting naked Prince Harry in his hour of need. Harry has closed his Facebook account. He should sue Las Vegas for not doing what it says on the tin (“What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.”). On the bright side, at least he waxed his buttocks. We present the best photos of Our Boys and Girls saluting the Queen’s own Harry:
THE Sun published Prince Harry in the buff, admitting as it did that newspapers are dead. Paul Ashford, Editorial Director of the Express and Star, has been on BBC Radio 4 to revels why his papers didn’t publish naked pictures of Harry, opting for a look-alike. They are “newspapers of principle“.
So says the paper that announced “that Simon Cowell was “dead“.
SO. How did the tabloids respond to the Leveson Effect and Prince Charles’s attempts to ban publication of his son Prince Harry’s naked self in the press? First they got an intern called Sophie Henderson to get naked with her boss and pretend to be Harry and “unnamed woman”. (Sorry, Sophie, it was for nought. Still, the office party should be a breeze.) Then they published the actual photos on the front page. The Mail went with a juxtaposed Harry and porn theme:
PS: Anyone got a photo of Charles and Camilla when they were having an affair? We live in changed times…
UNABLE to publish the photos of Prince Harry wearing his birthday suit in a Las Vegas hotel, the Sun got stunt doubles to adopt the role of the Prince and the unnamed woman. Sun readers got to see the Harry pose copied by “Sun man Harry Miller“, 31, and “intern Sophie Henderson, 21“.
Who’d be an intern, eh…?
PS: The taxpayers fund Prince Harry’s jolly times, so why can’t we see how he spends the cash?
GRANDAD has been in-and-out of hospital with a dicky dicky and Nana has, like all good matriarchs, been trying to keep everyone else ship-shape because you can’t rely on Dad because he’s still cavorting around with his second wife (he was never like that with Mum, who is no longer with us). Your older Brother is like David Watts, all well-behaved and captaining the sports team. Hell, he’s even got married and absolutely EVERYONE likes his new wife.
And so, here we are. The runt. The outsider. The Bart Simpson of the family. You’re Prince Harry. And you can’t stay out of trouble.
CELEBRITIES get stalked like prey, night and day. It’s been like that for years and unless there’s a change in behaviour or the law, then it’ll stay that way.
Not that celebs themselves seem to understand that. For example, Kate Middleton and Prince William are reportedly furious after an Australian magazine published private pictures of their honeymoon. It would seem we’re supposed to look at Royalty in a different light than common or garden famous people.
HOW do the nation’s newspapers report the news that Andy Murray (current status: British) is through to the semi-finals of Wimbledon? Well, it was a truly momentous day for Kate Middleton. As the sun sat in a bright blue sky, Kate stunned adoring onlookers, who had invested small fortunes to sit on Kate Knoll, by deftly dropping her shiny hair over her perfect ears. As white-clad men toiled below, the English champion of hearts…(continues for ever)…
WE are indebted to the Sun’s Ally Ross for spotting this gem from jobbing ninny . Young Tom is a “food writer”. Prince Charles is his step-dad. TOM HAS BENE ON itv’s This Morning. The caht went like this:
TP-B: “I’ve just been to Beirut.”
Holly Willoughby: “What sort of food do they have there?”
TP-B: “It’s sort of Lebanese.”
THE Prince of Wales and Camilla have been to Truro, Cornwall. They’ll then head off to the Isles of Scilly. The Prince of Wales is celebrating 60 years as the Duke of Cornwall. Or as Charles likes to term it: King of Cornwall.
WHEN we first saw this photo, we thought it was an old still of Princess Anne giving birth to Zara. But then we read the Press Association’s caption: “Equestrian – 2012 Barbury International Horse Trials – Day Two – Barbury Castle Estate: Zara Phillips riding High Kingdom during day two of the Barbury International Horse Trials at Barbury Castle Estate, Wiltshire.” As you were with those stirrups…
THE Queen has met with Northern Ireland Deputy First Minister Martin McGuinness at the Lyric Theatre in Belfast. She could have met him at any other number of landmarks, but given the historical relevance of so many places, they had to meet in the theatre because the only other two spots on the Belfast tourist trail – the field where Rihanna got topless and a beach used for a scene in Holby City – were pre-booked…
TODAY the Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall met up with the Dalai Lama at Clarence House, London. Holiness Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, is on a tour to promote Buddhism. Sadly, the Free Tibet concert has not forced the Chinese into leaving the Dalai Lama’s home country, meaning he cannot return the hospitality and welcome Charles into his palace. But he could follow Charles on Twitter. The Dalai Lama follows no-one on twitter. Like Eminem, who has never had Chalre sin his home, either…
The Prince of Wales greets the Dalai Lama (left) at Clarence House, London. PRESS ASSOCIATION Photo. Picture date: Wednesday June 20, 2012. Charles is a long-time supporter of the exiled Tibetan spiritual leader who is seen by China as a separatist threat. Since the heir to the throne last met the Dalai Lama, he has held discussions with China's president Hu Jintao, raising the subject of Tibet with the leader during talks in London in 2009. The senior Buddhist figure arrived at Clarence House in a chauffeur-driven car and as he stepped into the doorway of the historic home the heir to throne appeared. Charles threw up his arms then placed his hands together in a prayer sign before hugging the Dalai Lama and sharing a few words with the spiritual figurehead. See PA story ROYAL Charles. Photo credit should read: Gareth Cattermole/PA Wire
THE Queen, Prince William and Kate Middleton, for it is ever she, have been on a trip to to Nottingham. They went to Vernon Park and larked about. The good news is that this time Her Aged Majesty got a seat, having been forced to stand for hours on end aboard a barge done up like a Thai brothel. If this is show we treat our elderly it is to the country’s eternal shame…
DID you see Harbinder Singh Rana stood on the Royal barge, the Spirit of Chartwell, as it motored down the River Thames? He was Prince Charles’s guest. Harbinder Singh Rana is a convicted sex attacker. In August 1986, Rana was the vice president of the Internationan Sikh Youth Federation. He was convicted at Dudley of posing as a doctor to examine women internally.
The Mirror says this is a “security scare”, adding:
During his time on the barge, Rana came into close proximity with the Queen, Prince Philip, Prince Charles, Camilla, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Harry.
Rana served four years for five counts of indecent assault, 11 counts of assault causing actual bodily harm and one of attempted assault. It is unlikely that he assaulted any of the Royal knobs on the boat.
The Mail adds:
The convicted sex attacker was at times during the 1,000 boat extravaganza just feet from the Queen herself.
BEFORE he became a media pariah, Jonathan King hymned a reply to the Sex Pistols’ God Save The Queen. It’s called God Save The Sex Pistols, and as Madame Arcati reports, in 1977 Prince Charles liked it so much he ordered six copies. What Chas doesn’t know about the funny, ain’t worth knowing…
FOR those American readers who think the Diamond Jubilee is a QVC segment on selly telly, and the Jubilee River Pageant a Disney on Melted Ice, news: that stuff is real. The UK is a giant theme park, overseen by the Queen of Diamonds*, who devours sons-and-daughters-in law faster than Sarah Ferguson at an all-you-can-eat trotter jamboree, and Gary Barlow, a singer with Take That who, having pulled himself up by the boot laces now actually lives insider Her Majesty’s bowel from where he directs Jubilee pop concerts featuring the likes of Cheryl Cole, Paul McCartney, Steve Wonder and Grace Jones. (*Diamonds may be cut-glass (see accent).):
DIAMOND Jubilee Special Part 2: Our photographer made it onto the ‘Havengore’ on the River Thames, London, during the Diamond Jubilee river pageant, spending time with the Royal Family as they floated downstream. No Fergie. No Diana. No dates for their kids. The Windsor ex-wives and husbands are invited to wave along with the rest of the fans. (Pippa Middleton sends hugs.)