CELEBRITIES get stalked like prey, night and day. It’s been like that for years and unless there’s a change in behaviour or the law, then it’ll stay that way.
Not that celebs themselves seem to understand that. For example, Kate Middleton and Prince William are reportedly furious after an Australian magazine published private pictures of their honeymoon. It would seem we’re supposed to look at Royalty in a different light than common or garden famous people.
HOW do the nation’s newspapers report the news that Andy Murray (current status: British) is through to the semi-finals of Wimbledon? Well, it was a truly momentous day for Kate Middleton. As the sun sat in a bright blue sky, Kate stunned adoring onlookers, who had invested small fortunes to sit on Kate Knoll, by deftly dropping her shiny hair over her perfect ears. As white-clad men toiled below, the English champion of hearts…(continues for ever)…
WE are indebted to the Sun’s Ally Ross for spotting this gem from jobbing ninny . Young Tom is a “food writer”. Prince Charles is his step-dad. TOM HAS BENE ON itv’s This Morning. The caht went like this:
TP-B: “I’ve just been to Beirut.”
Holly Willoughby: “What sort of food do they have there?”
TP-B: “It’s sort of Lebanese.”
THE Prince of Wales and Camilla have been to Truro, Cornwall. They’ll then head off to the Isles of Scilly. The Prince of Wales is celebrating 60 years as the Duke of Cornwall. Or as Charles likes to term it: King of Cornwall.
WHEN we first saw this photo, we thought it was an old still of Princess Anne giving birth to Zara. But then we read the Press Association’s caption: “Equestrian – 2012 Barbury International Horse Trials – Day Two – Barbury Castle Estate: Zara Phillips riding High Kingdom during day two of the Barbury International Horse Trials at Barbury Castle Estate, Wiltshire.” As you were with those stirrups…
TODAY the Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall met up with the Dalai Lama at Clarence House, London. Holiness Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, is on a tour to promote Buddhism. Sadly, the Free Tibet concert has not forced the Chinese into leaving the Dalai Lama’s home country, meaning he cannot return the hospitality and welcome Charles into his palace. But he could follow Charles on Twitter. The Dalai Lama follows no-one on twitter. Like Eminem, who has never had Chalre sin his home, either…
The Prince of Wales greets the Dalai Lama (left) at Clarence House, London. PRESS ASSOCIATION Photo. Picture date: Wednesday June 20, 2012. Charles is a long-time supporter of the exiled Tibetan spiritual leader who is seen by China as a separatist threat. Since the heir to the throne last met the Dalai Lama, he has held discussions with China's president Hu Jintao, raising the subject of Tibet with the leader during talks in London in 2009. The senior Buddhist figure arrived at Clarence House in a chauffeur-driven car and as he stepped into the doorway of the historic home the heir to throne appeared. Charles threw up his arms then placed his hands together in a prayer sign before hugging the Dalai Lama and sharing a few words with the spiritual figurehead. See PA story ROYAL Charles. Photo credit should read: Gareth Cattermole/PA Wire
THE Queen, Prince William and Kate Middleton, for it is ever she, have been on a trip to to Nottingham. They went to Vernon Park and larked about. The good news is that this time Her Aged Majesty got a seat, having been forced to stand for hours on end aboard a barge done up like a Thai brothel. If this is show we treat our elderly it is to the country’s eternal shame…
DID you see Harbinder Singh Rana stood on the Royal barge, the Spirit of Chartwell, as it motored down the River Thames? He was Prince Charles’s guest. Harbinder Singh Rana is a convicted sex attacker. In August 1986, Rana was the vice president of the Internationan Sikh Youth Federation. He was convicted at Dudley of posing as a doctor to examine women internally.
The Mirror says this is a “security scare”, adding:
During his time on the barge, Rana came into close proximity with the Queen, Prince Philip, Prince Charles, Camilla, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Harry.
Rana served four years for five counts of indecent assault, 11 counts of assault causing actual bodily harm and one of attempted assault. It is unlikely that he assaulted any of the Royal knobs on the boat.
The Mail adds:
The convicted sex attacker was at times during the 1,000 boat extravaganza just feet from the Queen herself.
BEFORE he became a media pariah, Jonathan King hymned a reply to the Sex Pistols’ God Save The Queen. It’s called God Save The Sex Pistols, and as Madame Arcati reports, in 1977 Prince Charles liked it so much he ordered six copies. What Chas doesn’t know about the funny, ain’t worth knowing…
FOR those American readers who think the Diamond Jubilee is a QVC segment on selly telly, and the Jubilee River Pageant a Disney on Melted Ice, news: that stuff is real. The UK is a giant theme park, overseen by the Queen of Diamonds*, who devours sons-and-daughters-in law faster than Sarah Ferguson at an all-you-can-eat trotter jamboree, and Gary Barlow, a singer with Take That who, having pulled himself up by the boot laces now actually lives insider Her Majesty’s bowel from where he directs Jubilee pop concerts featuring the likes of Cheryl Cole, Paul McCartney, Steve Wonder and Grace Jones. (*Diamonds may be cut-glass (see accent).):
DIAMOND Jubilee Special Part 2: Our photographer made it onto the ‘Havengore’ on the River Thames, London, during the Diamond Jubilee river pageant, spending time with the Royal Family as they floated downstream. No Fergie. No Diana. No dates for their kids. The Windsor ex-wives and husbands are invited to wave along with the rest of the fans. (Pippa Middleton sends hugs.)
DRIP DROP HOORAY! Long may she rain! Weather and Royalty – the Diamond Jubilee has it in bundles. They used to say the Queen’s world smelt of wet paint. It also smells of wet dog, wet burgers and wet anoraks…
TO Holland, where the country’s Crown Prince Willem-Alexander has won the country’s toilet-throwing contest. The heir to the, erm, Dutch throne marked Queen’s Day by heading to Rhenen to toss a toilet. He won first place.
He tells us:
“Here in the Netherlands there are towns that take part in the throwing of toilet-bowls for a laugh. I participated with a smile, but not without shame in thinking about the some 2.6 billion people around the world that do not have this most basic infrastructure to fulfil a daily need with dignity.“
WHAT did Queen Elizabeth 2 look like and what did she do before she became Queen – before she had children of her own? When Her Majesty was plain old Princess Lilibet, what was she like? We’ve put together a fantastic gallery of images of QE2 as a baby, toddler, girl, teenager and young woman:
IT’S JUBILEE time. Keep up to date on all the festivities on the ‘My Husband And iPhone’ as your party in the Royal Boroughs of Kensington Chelsea, Leamington Spa, Kingston upon Thames, Wootton Bassett, Greenwich and throughout Berkshire. Others will be gnashing their teeth in the un-royal boroughs of Brent and Lambeth, and the republics of Brent, Yorkshire and Cornwall.
More others will be taking to the internet to expose the Jewbilee for what it is – a Zionist plot to distract us from the real business of how Mossad agent Bashir al-Assad Mossad is killing so many in Syria.
NAFF Diamond Jubilee tribute of the day: a Peugeot RCZ encrusted in fake diamond (crystals) and modelled by Cara Kilbey and Billi Mucklow from The Only Way is Essex. It’s what the Queen would have wanted…
Cara Kilbey and Billi Mucklow from The Only Way is Essex pictured with a special 'diamond-encrusted' Peugeot RCZ, which has been fitted with over 80,000 crystals to mark the Queen's Diamond Jubilee, in Greenwich, London.
HOW funny is the Queen? Has she ever cracked a joke? In 60 years of throne warming, the stand-out quote was about her annus horribilis. Was that an odd turn of phrase or an in-joke aimed for her husband’s ears, a pun on his cooking? We’ve compiled a gallery of Her Majesty laughing and being amusing:
The Queen jokes with (from left) actress Maureen Lipman, Artistic Director of the Almeida Theatre Jonathan Kent and actor David Suchet during her visit to the Almeida Theatre in London, part of a tour by The Queen and the Duke to London's Theatreland.
HAVE you seen the massive Diamond Jubilee tribute to the Royal Family hanging from Sea Containers House in London? It is the largest ever photograph of the Royal Family, measuring 100m by 70m and weighing nearly two tons. Odd, indeed, that photo that large can find no space for Prince William and Harry, or their dear old mum, Lady Diana.
So desperate are the Windsors to pretend to be like the rest of us the surprise is that the advert fails to feature them modelling a signature range of Diamond Jubilee underwear. It’s not hard to image Andrew spending 98% of his life with just his knickers on and Prince Eddie dressed in pleated pyjamas for almost all of his. Anne, of course, doesn’t wear underwear, having been hand sewn into her tweed all-in-one in 1972. Prince Charles doesn’t know what colour his undies are because they pulled onto this loins by a willing footman while it’s still dark.