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Posts Tagged ‘Beyonce’

Beyonce’s womb becomes an other venue on Jay Z’s arena tour

Beyonce and Jay Z are getting a divorce, announces the National Enquirer on its front page. What are the details? Well, it’s worth $1bn and it ‘EXPLODES!’. A clue as to why the showbiz stars are apparently splitting is hinted at in the teaser: ‘Love child sparks vicious court fight.’

 

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Odd, then, that the Sun leads with news that Beyonce is expecting. Is she the one with the love child? No. This pregnancy is heralded not only by a veiled Beyonce cradling her stomach, her face serene, her buttocks clad in knickers the colour of the Virgin Mary’s shawl, but also by Jay Z, who points to yonder star and says he and she are “blessed”.

 

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‘Sun Doctor’ Carol Cooper, who hasn’t treated the happy couple, sees fit to opine that at 35 years old Beyonce faces “a few extra risks” – but overlooks the effects of any stress triggered by the NE’s news that ‘aspiring rapper Rymir Satterthwaite, 23’ thinks Jay Z’s his dad. Rymir’s demanding Jay X takes a DNA test

But before the test is taken and the results are known, judgement has been passed. “Beyonce’s turned a blind eye to Jay Z’s past affairs,” says an unnamed source, “but this is the straw that broke the camel’s back. She’s ready to slap him with divorce papers!”

Is Jay Z Rymir’s mother? Did Jay Z impregnate Rymir’s mother, Wander? Is Beyonce’s womb just one more arena on the couple’s global stadium tour?

 

Posted: 2nd, February 2017 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment


‘I Am Beyonce’s Hair’: Dave Hill And Brian Eno’s Fringe On A Life In Showbiz

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HEADY days for Slade fans, for whom the band only ever seems to ride high on the popular culture news Chopper when it’s Christmas. Beyonce Knowles has successfully bid for Dave Hill’s hair, and, moreover, taken to wearing it over her own luxurious chestnut locks.

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Posted: 18th, October 2014 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Annie Lennox Thinks Beyonce’s Feminism Is ‘Cheap’

Annie Lennox and Dave Stewart of The Eurythmics. archive-pa209342-1 Ref #: PA.5808636  Date: 24/04/1984

Annie Lennox and Dave Stewart of The Eurythmics.
Date: 24/04/1984

 

ONE of the big problems with feminism is that women like to spend great chunks of the debate, attacking each other. Of course, any movement needs criticism to adapt and sharpen the mind for future debates, but isn’t it a bit sad to see women trying to pull other women down, when ostensibly, their aims are the same?

And so to Annie Lennox, who said that she isn’t very impressed with Beyonce calling herself a feminist.

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Posted: 2nd, October 2014 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comment


Watch Beyonce, Solange and Jay Z in elevator scrap! Here are the theories…

SO, you may have been under a rock and missed the news that Solange Knowles attacked Jay Z, right in front for her sister Beyonce, in a lift.

And yes, there’s a lovely video of it.

 

Of course, it is cringeworthy when any of a family’s dirty laundry gets aired, especially so when all three people involved are really very famous indeed.

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Posted: 12th, May 2014 | In: Music | Comment (1)


Blue |vy Carter is ‘Dog Shamed’ – Beyonce Perp Walks ‘Blue Ivy Farter’

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WELL-versed in dog shaming – owners sit dogs by apologetic messages – we saw Beyonce’s photo of her walking Daughter Blue Ivy Carter, who is sporting the message on her back “MISS BLUE FARTER”. Is this cruel? No. The gang at Anorak Towers’ Kindergarten thought it fantastic and wonder if Blue Ivy can crack out any of her mum’s hits?

 

Posted: 13th, December 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Music GIF: Beyonce pulled off stage in Brazil

TO Brazil, where a fan has pulled Beyonce off the stage. By, then…

beyonce

 

Posted: 16th, September 2013 | In: Music | Comment


Stage disasters: the unlucky 13 pop stars for whom the show did not always go on

iggy pop

IN this Flashback, we look at State Disasters. The show doesn’t always go on

Beyoncé’s bad hair day had a happy ending – she extricated herself from the fan (mechanical, rather than maniacal in this case).

And at least she had the good humour to see the funny side afterwards – other victims of onstage disasters certainly didn’t. And one didn’t even live to tell the tale…

 

Syd Barrett

Early signs of the Pink Floyd front-man’s mental disintegration were apparent in 1967. That year he appeared on stage with an entire tube of Brylcreem in his hair into which – according to some accounts – he had crushed a handful of Mandrax tablets. Mandies or not, the lotion melted under the lights, leaving him looking like ‘a guttered candle’. The song Vegetable Man (unreleased) reflected Syd’s self-loathing at the time…

 

Arthur Brown

Arthur’s bad hair was in a league of its own, thanks to his famous flaming helmet, worn in honour of The Crazy World of Arthur Brown’s solitary hit, Fire. Its precursor – a colander soaked in methanol – was less successful. The fuel soaked into his scalp and set his head alight at the Windsor Festival in 1967. The fire was put out with beer.

 

Vince Taylor

The pioneering British rocker is remembered for two things: his classic single Brand new Cadillac and the mental problems, exacerbated by LSD and booze, which led to incidents such as declaring himself the apostle Matthew at one of his London concerts.

David Bowie was a friend of Taylor’s, and recalls encountering Taylor lying on the pavement in Caring Cross Road, studying a map of Europe and pointing out where UFOs would be landing. He later based the character of Ziggy Stardust on Taylor.

 

Keith Moon

So many to choose from, not least the time he overdosed and fell unconscious twice during a 1973 Who concert in California. After the second incident, Pete Townshend asked if there was a drummer in the audience, and the volunteer played the rest of the set.

Possibly the most spectacular mishap occurred when Moon detonated some powerful fireworks in his drum kit after the band’s 1967 appearance on the Smothers Brothers show. The explosion (7.20 onwards in the clip below) genuinely stunned the hosts, and is blamed by Townshend for his subsequent hearing problems.

Video here.

 

Frank Zappa

Stage1

December 1971 was a bad month for the Mothers of Invention. First their equipment was set on fire by a flare fired from the audience during an appearance at the Casio de Montreux. The casino was razed to the ground, and, as a final indignity, the fire inspired Deep Purple to write Smoke on the Water.

Later that month a fan pushed Zappa off the stage at London’s Rainbow Theatre. He fell into the concrete orchestra pit, sustaining serious injuries to his head, neck, back and legs, and crushing his larynx. He was wheelchair-bound for a long period afterwards and his voice deepened significantly.

 

Patti Smith

Stage2

The rock poet ‘did a Zappa’ in 1977, with a 15 foot fall into an orchestra pit in Tampa. She broke several vertebrae.

 

Harry Styles

One Direction’s young shaver was hit squarely in the other kind of ‘orchestra stalls’ by a shoe hurled from the audience during a performance in Glasgow earlier this year.

 

Stereophonics

Stage3

The Welsh rockers suffered a less dramatic shock in 2004 when Kelly Jones and Richard Jones were electrocuted at the Bataclan in Paris. Sparks flew but the band played on.

 

Kris Novoselic

The Nirvana bassist failed to catch his instrument after throwing it in the air during the 1992 Music Video Awards. Apparently he still has a dent in his head.

 

Iggy Pop

In 201o, Iggy Pop dived at the New York crowd; and missed.

“When I landed it hurt and I made a mental note that Carnegie Hall would be a good place for my last stagedive. The audience were just like, ‘What are you doing?'”

 

 

Les Harvey

Stage4

The mother of all stage accidents occurred the following year during a Stone The Crows gig the Top Rank Suite in Swansea. Les Harvey (brother of The Sensational Alex) touched an unearthed microphone with wet hands and was killed on the spot.

And finally…

 

U2

Stage5

Our favourite. Life imitates art as the Irish megastars suffer a Spinal Tap moment – trapped inside a 40ft mechanical lemon. When the fruit malfunctioned the band were forced to clamber out of the back during their PopMart tour in Oslo.

Posted: 6th, September 2013 | In: Flashback, Key Posts, Music | Comment


Beyoncé’s hair gets Stuck in a fan – the videos

LIFE mirrrors Spinal Tap – Beyonce’s hair gets caught in a fan:

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Posted: 23rd, July 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment


In photos: the stars’ hilarious punk outfits at the Costume Institute Benefit Gala at the Metropolitan Museum

TO the Costume Institute Benefit Gala at the Metropolitan Museum – New York. The theme was Punk: Chaos to Couture. Whoah! Punk, you say. All bullet-hard leather jackets, super-glue hair and snot. The A-list artistes would do counterculture and DIY fashion. Would any be brave enough for a Nazi helmet? Well, no. This is what punk looks like when you hire a stylist to dress you as one. It’s like watching a Hampshire golf club putting on a performance of Derek Jarman’s Jubilee:

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Madonna attends the 'Punk': Chaos to Couture' Costume Institute Benefit Met Gala at the Metropolitan Museum in New York.

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Posted: 11th, May 2013 | In: Celebrities, Fashion | Comment


Beyonce Knowles’ non-denial denial was lip-synced?

SO. Now we know. Beyonce Knowles did not sing The Star Spangled Banner at the President Barack Obama’s second term inauguration ceremony. Stood before the Super Bowl press, Beyonce pressed “play” on the tope of small, plain Chinese child’s head and told the media:

“I practice until my feet bleed and I did not have time to rehearse with the orchestra. Due to no proper sound check, I did not feel comfortable taking a risk. It was about the president and the inauguration, and I wanted to make him and my country proud, so I decided to sing along with my pre-recorded track, which is very common in the music industry. And I’m very proud of my performance.”

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Posted: 1st, February 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Beyonce on the sweet surrender of Blue Ivy Carter’s birth: The Epi-fanny

GQ has been speaking with Beyonce Knowles. The singer recall the magick of giving birth to a Blue Ivy Carter:

“When I gave birth, that was the first time I truly let go and surrendered. And it taught me how amazing that feels… Giving birth made me realize the power of being a woman. I have so much more substance in my life. And expressing that excitement and that sensuality and the connection I have with my husband—I’m a lot more comfortable with that now. I actually feel like my child introduced me to myself.”

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Posted: 22nd, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Jay Z and Beyonce try to trademark their own daughter Blue Ivy

WHAT is the nicest thing your parents have ever done for you? Did they buy you that mountain bike you always asked for? Did they pay you through university, where you met your fiancee? Did they split-up?

Well, Jay Z and Beyonce have decided that they want to do the nice thing of officially trademarking their daughter, Blue Ivy. That’s right. They want her to be an equivalent of a Dyson vacuum cleaner, according to the Washington Post.

They made the application after learning that the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office had already turned down two applications to use the name ‘Blue Ivy’.

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Posted: 8th, February 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Beyonce Names Baby Ikea

BY now you will have read all about Beyonce’s flat-packed baby bump that she showcased on Molly Meldrum’s Sunday Night program.

The internets looked away from 9/11 explosions and Paul McCartney’s hair to study the bump that’s seemed to fold in half. Theories abounded:

It’s twins who don’t get along!

It’s a fake bump designed to defelct eyes from the real child growing inside Jay Z’s other woman. When that child is born, and the mother paid off, Beyonce will reach up her skirts and pull out the kid and present it as her own!

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Posted: 12th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Face Of The Day: Gwyneth Paltrow Snaps At Glastonbury (Photos)

AT the Glastonbury Festival 2011, in the pit before Beyonce Knowles’ stilted feet, Anorak’s Ninja snapper Yui Mok was spotted by Gwyneth Paltrow. She snapped. If she wants to show us the photo, we’re ready…

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Posted: 27th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Glastonbury: ColdPlay, Beyonce And Donald’s Hot Dogs Have Own Wireless Networks At Glastonbury

AT Glastonbury, ColdPlay, Beyonce, the artists, the press and Donald’s Hot Dogs have their own wireless networks.

News International staffers at the big music festival are advised to always carry their devices that receive 3G signals lest some sneaky type of cove use detection equipment to find the gadgets and nick them. Hey, these villains might even acceess the data on your Blackberry or iPhone and get a story.

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Posted: 23rd, June 2011 | In: Technology | Comment


Beyonce and Furtado Donate Gaddafi Cash: Will Oil Workers Do The Same?

NELLY Furtado is donating to charity the cash Saif Gaddafi, the Libyan Colonel’s son, paid her to sing. Beyonce Knowles has already paid the $1million she got for performing for Gaddafi’s boy at Nikki Beach St. Barts on New Year’s Eve 2009 to the earthquake relief efforts in Haiti, over a year ago.

The HuffPost says Mariah Carey and Usher were also paid $1 million to perform for the Gaddafi family.

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Posted: 3rd, March 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Nelly Furtado Donates Gaddafi Concert Money To Sting

COLONEL Muammar Gaddafi and his kids in Libya (or the Caribbean and London – whichever is closer) love a good party. When Mickey Rouke and John Galliano get to play the Libyan dictator in film, they will be able to co-star with the likes of Nelly Furtado, Mariah Carey, Beyoncé and Usher, who have all been hired to perform for the family Gaddafi in recent years.

It should be a great show – perhaps the most tortuous musical since Godspell.

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Posted: 1st, March 2011 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comments (5)


Boat Porn: Photos Of Beyonce And Jay-Z’s Italian Cruiser

WHILE you are enjoying a staycation in the British monsoon seasons, Beyonce Knowles is taking the waters on a gin palace called Altitude. It’s a 180-foot Italian Benetti yacht. It costs $377,000 a week to hire. Or you can buy it for €29.5 million.

The ship has six cabins, a gym, a Jacuzzi, a Laser Pico sailing dinghy , 3 x sets waterskis, a five-man banana, Beyonce and Jay Z.

* Launched in the year of 2003 her interior decoration illustrates the capabilities of Stefano Natucci. Superyacht ALTITUDE is able to accommodate up to 12 guests with 14 qualified crew. This large motor yacht has a helicopter platform. Her old, former or build project names were (Benetti Fb) Amnesia Ii. She is able to attain a maximum speed of 16 knots.

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Posted: 25th, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment


7-Year-Old World Weary Skanks Do Beyonce’s Single Ladies On Dance Show

AT the World Of Dance Competition we got a glimpse of the Brave New World. This is how empires are brought to their knees, by five seven-year-old girls dancing to Beyonce’s Single Ladies. It’s all good, wholesome, family fun, or a marriage auction for the pre-teen market? You decide.

Warning: Anorak accepts no responsibility if watching this video means your name ends up on some kind of Government register nor take a job working in a fun fair.

As TP says:

But these bishes will be laughing all the way to the candy store once Robin Antin signs them.

Posted: 12th, May 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (3)


Beyonce’s Single Lady Sparks Car Devastation

EVERYONE wants to be a Single Lady with Beyonce. “You can be a Single Lady if you want.” So says Mum. Mummy knows best. Mums have been creating single ladies for eons. Daddy wants more from his son. Shiloh Pitt understands.

Posted: 1st, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Beyonce Knowles Sell Heat Perfume: New York Ducks, In Pictures

BEYONCE Knowles has been promoting her new fragrance ‘Heat’ at Macy’s Herald Square in New York. Heat boasts “top notes of red vanilla orchid, magnolia, neroli and blush peach a heart of honeysuckle nectar, almond macaroon and crème de musk, and a drydown of giant sequoia milkwood, tonka bean and amber.” It’s nouveau cuisine in an atomiser. Victoria Beckham will lap it up. Also, the bottle is huge, and in tone shot Beyonce looks poised to press its top and activate a spray that will take out the Lower West Side.

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Beyonce promotes her new fragrance 'Heat' at Macy's Herald Square in New York.

Posted: 4th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Katie Price’s Burning Sensation X Factor Presents The Week In Pictures

pa-7994859WHAT a week that was, folks. We saw Gary Glitter’s Halloween costume, a man was beaten to death on the telly for our entertainment, The Cheeky Girls encouraged thoughts of them mating with X Factor’s Jedward and creating a new breed of horror, Madonna sanitized Africa, police arrested West Ham, Stephen Fry fans pretending to be actors, had a strop on Twitter, X Factor agonist Danyl Johnson was beaten by Hitler, giving us another reason to hate Danyl with a Y, Marlon King was branded a typical footballer, you got to cover your cat’s anus with a glitter ball, Muslims laughed at Muslims, Ollie Murs reminded us of them, Iggy Pop, Muhammad reminded us of corduroy bodysuits, starred in a film as John Travolta, we blamed the Muslims for Madeleine McCann, Al Gore became a God, Daily Mail readers came out in favour of Sharia LawNazis and , we learnt that a virus can wear bovver boots, was burnt as a bitch, Katie PriceSusan Boyle was our transsexual Jesus, Lindsay Lohan died, almost, Ringo Starr became something funny in the water, we saw the Carrie Prejean sex tape, Katie and Peter got back together, we enjoyed blood porn, Sharon Osbourne presented her hairy arsehole, Jedward reviewed their novelty record collection, Elizabeth LambertBeyonce made us watch women’s football- and it was good, showed us her knickers and Nidal Malik Hasan became a victim as he murdered 13 people.

Posted: 7th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment


Beyonce’s Suspenders And West Ham Presents The MTV Europe Music Awards, In Pictures

THE MTV Europe Music Awards, features Beyonce in suspenders, Katy Perry in West Ham knickers and X Factor winner Leona Lewis wearing light.

With no Kanye West to enliven the AGM with a bit of popstar brattishness, it was down to the ladies to show off their primary sexual characteristics, to music: The pictures – and do see them all:

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David Hasselhoff's face

Posted: 6th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Kanye West’s Pro-Beyonce Anti-Taylor Swift MTV Stunt In Pictures

KANYE West is interrupting Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech of singer at the MTV Video Music Awards, New York.

West, whose agape mouth give him the look of a Pekingese eyeing a shoehorn, tells the audience Beyonce should have been won the best female video prize.

“Taylor, I’m really happy for you, and I’m gonna let you finish, but Beyonce  had one of the best videos of all time.”

I. I.

On Kanye West’s blog apology:

kanye-twat

I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I.

Kanye West writes ‘I’ so much he just leaves the caps lock on and waits for an opening.

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Posted: 14th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)


Beyonce And Jay Z’s Bodyguard Goes Mad In Croatia

beyonce-fightIN Croatia, Beyonce, Jay Z and Jay Z’s bodyguard are laving an eatery in Dubrovnik when a snapper flashes them.

Jay-Z’s man uses all his expertise in crowd control and keeping his charges free of danger by lunging.

The snapper hits back by throwing his tripod at Jay Z’s muscles. And Jay Z’s hero tosses the lot into the Adriatic Sea and gives the snappers and everyone watching the finger as he makes good his escape on a floating golf cart.

This is how you calm a situation, people. You use humour.

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Posted: 20th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment


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