David Hasselhoff | Anorak

Posts Tagged ‘David Hasselhoff’

When David Hasselhoff didn’t see Stevie Wonder

David Hasselhoff is talking with the Sunday Times:

I live in Calabasas, outside Los Angeles. I can get to the beach in 18 minutes. It’s more laid-back than the rat race of LA — I can breathe out here. Stevie Wonder lives up the hill, but I’ve never seen him.

Anyone…? Anyone?

Posted: 11th, January 2018 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities | Comment

Hoff His Head: ‘invisible’ David Hasselhoff wows to fight ISIS like Rambo would

hoff isisThe big news in the Daily Star is plain to see: “This paper cost just 20p.” Below that news is the other news that David Hasselhoff is “HOFF TO FIGHT ISIS”.

Can the actor who stood atop the crumbling Berlin Wall and with Joshua prowess blew his own trumpet to bring it down also end ISIS?

The Star explains:

The actor, who played lifeguard Mitch Buchannon in the surf rescue show, said he would launch a personal Rambo-style mission to wipe out the terrorist network.

Rambo, played by Sylvester Stallone, would most likely take on ISIS with less fanfare. He’s most likely already there, camouflaged and waiting the foliage of a Mosul pot plant to slaughter the enemy. However, to the Star Rambo is a more of a state of mind than an actual fictional Hollywood character. Hasselhoff you could not make up.

The Hoff, who also starred in 80s classic Knight Rider, said he had developed a personal hatred for the brutal Isis regime.

So. He’s off, rather Hoff, to take on ISIS, hurtling across the deserts at the wheel of his indestructible Kit car, the perfect blend of man and machine: Hasselhoff behind the wheel; Hasselhoff on the stereo,

Asked to name his “priority activity if he was the invisible man for the day”, the star replied he would kill off all the estimated 200,000 Isis fighters. He said: “I’d go to Syria and annihilate everyone involved in Isis.”

Hoff will only fight ISIS when he becomes invisible, which you’d imagine is hard to achieve through an interview with Weekend magazine. Maybe Channel 5 can help?



Posted: 19th, October 2015 | In: Celebrities, Reviews | Comment

David Hasselhoff Sells Huge Statue Of Himself Dressed As A Lifeguard (Photos)

david hasselhoff statue 1


DAVID Hasselhoff is so rock and roll. And now you can roll him into your room and rock him gentle as you straddle his back and surf along to his greatest hits as a woman in red tosses salty water in your face. You see, David Hasselhoff is selling a David Hasselhoff statue he owns at a Beverly Hills auction


This is the Hoff who, when appearing in panto with dancing Louis Spence gave him the gifts of “A David Hasselhoff bag, Hasselhoff CD, Hasselhoff calendar and signed Hasselhoff picture” for Christmas.  This is the Hoff, the man who brought down the old fault line of Europe by standing on the Berlin Wall dressed in a suit of lightbulbs, a performance of which he said: “I went to the Checkpoint Charlie museum a few years ago. There was nothing of me, and I was disappointed. Look at all these people celebrating! What about me? I was there!”

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Posted: 31st, March 2014 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment

German David Hasselhoff advertises smegma Lean Pockets as an Italian sex repellent

DAVID Haselhoff stars in the worst advert you’ve seen today. The Hoff is advertising some god-awful crap called Lean Pockets – a hollowed tampon filled with Popeye’s smegma whose raison de manger is that it will repel fertile hairy men and seduce priapic middle Middle-aged Germanic twats and metrosexual men who wax their cracks and spend more time in the beauty salon that you.

Yummm. D’lish!

Double murder burger to go, mon brave. And hurry! The future of humanity depends on it…

Posted: 16th, June 2012 | In: The Consumer | Comment

The Sexiest Photos Of David Hasselhoff: The Hoff Lives

DAVID Hasselhoff is a man who commands attention, much like a car crash demands a look. When you walk into the room and people turn to look, you wonder if you have toilet paper stuck to your trousers. When you look at The Hoff, he knows your looks are born of admiration…


Picture 1 of 13

David Hasselhoff, right, and Keenan Cahill dance onstage while LMFAO performs at the 39th Annual American Music Awards on Sunday, Nov. 20, 2011 in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles)



Posted: 27th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

David Hasselhoff And Katy Perry Star In The Photo Of The Year: MTV Awards Face Off (Literally)

WHEN David Hasselhoff eyeballed Jesus stumpet Katy Perry at the MTV Europe Music Awards, cameras clicked. Hasselhoff, a man famed for slow-mo running, taking orders from a snarky car that lived in a mute truck and helping to decide what the Queen must spend three minutes of her life watching, looked like he was having his face tied on by a dwarf sat on a goat with wayward horns. Unless that is The Hoff’s new expression fixe, in which case we commend his efforts in what has become a tired area of human evolution…

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Posted: 6th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

David Hasselhoff’s Sofa Bed News Of The Day: With Louis Spence And Gary Barlow

LOUIS Spence, the tush and teefs star of TV’s Pineapple Dance Studios, shares with heat readers news of his meeting with David Hasselhoff, the torso and teefs star of Baywatch and lately Britain’s Got Talent. When starring together in panto, The Hoff presented La Spence with a Christmas gift bag containing: “A David Hasselhoff bag, Hasselhoff CD, Hasselhoff calendar and signed Hasselhoff picture.”

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Posted: 27th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

David Hasselhoff To Do Lovejoy’s Hamlet

DAVID Hasselhoff, famous for being a cloying dad who ran on the beach with a red handbag and chatting to a smug car, is judging Britain’s Got Talent.

We know him as the otherworldly Hollywood-type who serves to make Simon Cowell, whom he is replacing for a while, look rugged and natural of face.

But The Hoff wants to connect with us, and tell us that he knows the UK is about more than just sarcasm, damp and regret.

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Posted: 6th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Britain’s Got Talent: God Makes David Hasselhoff Decorate Airplanes

BRITAIN ‘S Got Talent judge, the American Glenn Hoddle look alike David Hasselhoff, tells us that he wants to be in love:

“I want to be in love. I always try to make it last. I tried 16 years to make my last marriage work but it’s up to God, it really is. It’s not up to us, we are put in situations. If you are meant to be together it will work. I would get married again though, sure.”

Anorak loves the idea of God walking us up the asile, chosing a wedding dress, saying vows about being parted only by death, handing us a pint of creme de menthe and amaretto on the Stag night, and booking a honeymoon in Ibiza. For one thing, it reduces a lot of the stress of looking though brochures.

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Posted: 17th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Cameron Meets Hasselhoff: The Toff And the Hoff

WHEN David Cameron met David Hasselhoff a 1980s revival was begun. Hoff got his kit off. Super Cam got the pot out. And Jim’ll Fix It got another satisfied customer…

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Posted: 9th, February 2011 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)

This Week’s National Enquirer: Jennfer Aniston Beats Angelina Jolie And Surgical A** To Mouth

national-enquirer2IN this week’s National Enquirer – we read it so you don’t have to: Jennifer Aniston has got Angelina Jolie “RUNNING SCARED”; David Hasselhoff “refuses rehab”; Britney Spears is not dead but is in a “Psycho Ward” drama; Heidi Montag does arse to mouth and Robert Pattinson’s “baby”.

Jen & Ange

News is that Aniston is feeling “sexier” and “more confident than ever”. And that gives her the “upper hand” in her “feud” with Angelina Jolie, who is “miserable” and “skeletal”.

The source says Ange has “very few friends” and is “the skinniest she’s ever been”. On the positives, Jolie has a huge family, Jen’s ex-husband in her bed and is thin enough to make Aniston look fat.

Heidi Montag Is Plastic

Heidi Montag has had a mini brow lift, Botox in the forehead, a nose “revision”, fat injections in her face, her neck lipo-suctioned, ears pinned back (to her head), breast made huger, lipo on her waist and thighs, and her arse “augmented” – to appear just below that re-visaged nose on the face.

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Posted: 19th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Linsday Lohan And Mischa Barton’s Death Battle

img005FOR the first time in weeks, the National Enquirer leads with no picture of Angelina Jolie. And she should not be downhearted because the cover is dominated by the headline: “WHO’LL DIE FIRST?

Readers are invited to pick from Mischa Barton, Kirstie Alley, Lindsay Lohan, Robin Williams, Whitney Houston, Tori Spelling, The Hoff, Pamela Anderson and Simon Cowell.

With no dead star for a while, the NE is inviting readers to help it decide which obits to have ready by pressing F1 to F9 on the keyboard.

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Posted: 4th, November 2009 | In: National Enquirer | Comment

Unlucky David Hasselhoff Stars In Remake Of Chance In A Million

7806822WHEN they come to make a Hollywood version of Chance In A Million, the shoo-in for the role of unlucky Tom Chance – his “natural ability to warp probability to ludicrous proportions” – is David Hasselhoff.

Recently, The Hoff was taken to hospital for alcohol poisoning – but he hadn’t drunk a drop. It had all been a misunderstanding, a chance in a million. The Hoff said the Antabuse medication he takes for his alcoholism had reacted with Antivert, an ear infection medication.

Now, The Hoff has been even more unlucky. Reports are that The Hoff had been drinking for days in St Martins Lane Hotel. A Dr Paul Ettlinger arrives. The Hoff accidentally lashes out and accidentally lamps the media, who really does have a bruised forehead.

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Posted: 9th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)

Incest Chic MacKenzie Phillips Introduces David Hasselhoff To Oprah Winfrey

MacKenzie PhillipsWHILE the British media talks about Katie Price’s rape, over in the US MacKenzie Phillips is selling her story of sex with her father John Phillips, late lead singer of the The Mamas & the Papas. David Hasselhoff approaches.

MacKenzie says at 19 she was raped by her musician father and then partook of a consensual 10-year sexual relationship with him.

“I woke up that night from a blackout to find myself having sex with my own father. I don’t remember how it started or, thankfully, how it ended. Was it the first time? Had this happened before? I didn’t know, and I still don’t. All I can say is it was the first time I was aware of it. For a moment, I was in my body…in that horrible truth and then I slide back into a blackout. Your father is suppose to protect you.”

MacKenzie makes he confession in her memoir High on Arrival was released, and repeats it on the Oprah Winfrey show.

Anroak’s Man in The Hollywood Swamp tuned in:

Oprah went there Wednesday and she’s returning today (Friday) when she brings back Mackenzie Phillips for day two of her sordid discussion of how she and daddy did the nasty for ten years. This time, she’s bringing little sis, Chynna Phillips, along for the trudge through the sludge.

After a disappointing 2008-09 season in the ratings, the Big O has been kicking some syndicated ass since last Monday’s Whitney Houston premiere. She stretched that interview into a two-day affair, and cleaned up in the Nielsen overnights in the process.

Looks like she’s hoping for the same from a second appearance by Phillips.

Incest. Viewers can’t get enough of it.

What’s more ghastly than Phillip Garrido hiding Jaycee Dugard in his shed for 18 years and giving her two babies in the process? Mackenzie Phillips having drug-fueled incestuous sex with her father.

Oprah can get Jaycee Dugard in a double-header. The Telegraph glances at Google keywords and provides context:

Her sensational allegations have served to split the only showbiz family who are more dysfunctional than the Jacksons.

Two of John Phillips’ ex-wives, Michelle Phillips and Genevieve Waite, have denounced the story, but what is undisputable is that Phillips has one of the worst and wildest reputations in rock.

So she can be believed? Let’s have a heated debate:

Hell no!

Mackenzie has a lot of mental illness,” stepmother Michelle Phillips said. “She’s had a needle stuck up her arm for 35 years. She was arrested for heroin and coke just recently. She did ‘Celebrity Rehab’ and now she writes a book. The whole thing is timed,” Michelle Phillips said.

You’re dreamin’

I spoke to Michelle this morning by phone; she has not read Mackenzie’s book, published today, called “High on Arrival.” Michelle Phillips says that in 1997, Mackenzie told everyone in their extended family that she and her father, Michelle’s famous former husband, had had a sexual relationship.
“She told me, then she called me back and said, ‘You know I’m joking,’ ” Michelle told me. “I said it wasn’t funny. Mackenzie said, ‘I guess we have different senses of humor.’”
Showbiz 411

Hell yes!

Chynna told US she “knew it was true,”

Making Incest your own cause

She further added “If you open a textbook on incest you can see a picture of the Phillips family,” Phillips said. “We are behaving in a typical way. The instinct is to say it’s not true. The instinct is to deny. The instinct is to brush it under the table. The instinct is to protect the abuser.”

Making the brand

Not to downplay the seriousness of Mackenzie Phillips’ shocking claims against her famous father, but this former actress has launched what will surely be one of the most successful marketing plans for a tell-all book since…well, this doesn’t really compare to anything else. First, Phillips shared a shocker with Oprah. Now, she continues to tell her tale despite input from stepmom Michelle Phillips. By the time this book is on the shelves, there’s no doubt that Mackenzie will be at the top of the New York Times bestseller list. Who says the print industry is struggling?Gearlive

A celebrity trend

We’re still one father-daughter pairing short of a media-certified trend, but as of this morning “celeb blurred family boundaries” is tracking on the Hollywood horrors power rankings chart with a big up arrow. Hours after McKenzie Phillips’ revelations of her “consensual” sexual relationship with her father swept media by storm, singer/talent judge/tabloid coverboy David Hasselhoff, a man who can’t stand to sit on the sidelines of history, threw his 17-year-old daughter into the car and headed straight over to West Hollywood’s noted sex shop Coco de Meraccording a TMZ report. Too soon? – Gawker

A woman alleges, a book gets sold, media has a new pet subject and MacKenzie Phillips restarts her career…

Posted: 25th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)

David Hasselhoff, Jay Leno And Elle McPherson Launch Jaguar XJ

david-hasselhoff-at-the-launch-of-the-new-jaguar-xj-at-the-saatchi-gallery-in-london1ANORAK’S man in leatherette gloves and smelling of bottled pine has been to the launch of the new Jaguar XJ, along with his good pals David Hasselhoff, Jay Leno and Elle McPherson.

Before the gallery, Anorak reveals the contents of Elle’s voicemails, as monitored by our undercover Pernod Journo:

“Get me noticed, you *******”

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Posted: 10th, July 2009 | In: Technology | Comments (3)

America’s Got Talent: David Hasseloff Threatens To Headbutt Piers Morgan

THE Celebrity Cull (the world effort to reduce the EU celebrity moutain) stops for no show – and on America’s Got Talent, the resident celebs are responding to the call, Look on as judge David Hasselhoff, reportedly, threatens to put his fellow judge Piers Morgan out of action by way of a headbutt.

He started yelling abuse at Piers, and Piers was giving back as good as he was getting, when suddenly David stood up, walked around the judges’ table and got right in Piers’s face.”

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Posted: 12th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

David Hasselhoff Gets His Kitt Off

KNIGHT Rider makes David Hasselhoff look good:

UNFORTUNATELY, THE SHOW ITSELF SUCKS: Knight Rider’s KITT is a Hydrogen Electric Hybrid. At least, I watched a few minutes of the new Knight Rider a while back and found myself unexpectedly admiring the comparative genius of…

David Hasselhoff.

Hasselhoff – Bring on the Wall!

Posted: 23rd, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Lily Allen Watch: Hassehoff’s Globe, Halliwell’s Tree And Lily Gone

LILY Allen Watch: Anorak’s look at the day’s top celebrity news story…

Geri Halliwell:

Last week I was on a photoshoot and I just got a real urge to shin up this old oak tree in the prom dress I was wearing. You have to be spontaneous on photoshoots – and the pictures turned out really well”

David Hasselhoff:

“I have had a globe made with my face stretched across the oceans and little versions of myself forming the countries. At the top it says ‘saviour’ in gold. But I was being ironic. Yes, I have played a role in the fall of the Berlin Wall and in American culture.”

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Posted: 19th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Name A German Other Than Dirk Nowitzki And David Hasselhoff

THE Washington Post hears the following exchange between a German hack for the Bild tabloid and Caron Butler, a player with the Washington Wizards basketball team:

Q. Which Germans do you know besides [Dallas Maverick] Dirk Nowitzki?

A. Is David Hasselhoff German?

I heard that you all like him.

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Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (5)