Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Naomi Campbell, RPattz And Sienna Miller Photos Give Illegal Sex The Finger
NAOMI Campbell – currently embroiled in a case involving child slavery and rape (she’s innocent) – and Rob Lowe – the actor who was involved in an underage sex tape scandal – are two of the big names lending their support to a BodyShop campaign to Stop Sex Trafficking of Children and Young People. Also doodling a hand to end children being pimped and raped by paedophiles are Jamie Oliver Robert Pattinson, Katie Melua, Matt LeBla and Joanna Lumley. But whose hand is whose? Can you works it out.?
Answers:
A: Sienna Miller
B: Naomi Campbell
C: Matt LeBlanc
D: Katie Melua
E: Rob Lowe
F: Joanna Lumley
G: Robert Pattinson
Posted: 10th, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Whoopi Goldberg’s Sister Act Lands On London Stage (No Raping Niggers Version)
WHOOPI Goldberg has taken over the role of Mother Superior in Sister Act the Musical, at the London Palladium. There shouldn’t be that much sex on the stage but if there is know that rape is not rape rape if Roman Polanski is directing and it’s not a proper gang rape-gang rape if Mel Gibson’s directing the niggers. The show also stars Ian Lavender, as Monsignor Howard, Patina Miller, as Deloris, and Simon Webb, as Shank. Yeah, the black guy’s naked after a criminal’s knife. Someone call Mel…
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Posted: 10th, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Image Of The Day: The Wardour Street Record Skip
THE skip full of records on Wardour Street, Soho, has been doing brisk business. All records are free.
The DVDs you get in the post from music marketing firms, PRs and record companies can be palmed off on Steve Sounds (that do, Steve?)…
Image via
Naomi Campbell’s Milk Tray Diamonds Make Tabloids Jealous
NAOMI Campbell is on trial in the tabloids for being so attractive that a man gave her diamonds in the dead of night. Not only did she not shag her Milk Tray Man, she never even got to know that his name was, allegedly, Charles Taylor and he is wanted for rape, murder, slavery and other crimes. Campbell got away with her life and “dirty little stones” (she handed them to charity). Mia Farrow says Campbell is a liar who knew Taylor gave her a big rock, a so-called blood diamond.
Day 1: In Pictures: Naomi Campbell Works The Charles Taylor War Crime Trial
Day 2: Naomi Campbell’s ‘Dirty Looking Stones’ In Pictures
Day 3: Naomi Campbell Puts Liberia On The Map – Blood Diamond Case In Words And Photos
Day 4: Is Naomi Campbell On Trial For Rape And Murder?
Farrow says she knows this because she says Campbell told her so.
The Sun duly leads with the headline:
“24-CARAT BLOODY LIAR”
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Posted: 9th, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (10)
The Expendables Premiere Pictures Are Lundgren, Statham And A Melting Stallone
DOLPH Lundgren, Jason Statham and a mannequin dressed to look like Sylvester Stallone trod the damp read carpet for the UK premiere of The Expendables at the Odeon, Leicester Square, London. Then Leslie Phillips stuck his finger up his nostril – his own.
The film is about a bevy of mercenaries trying depose a ruthless dictator somewhere in South America. Things unravel and – yadda yadda yadda – bombs – yadda – death – yadda – chests and massive veins…
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For reasons not entirely clear, befor the premiere Lundgren and Statham took their Stallone of Wax to meets troops from the Princess of Wales Royal Regiment, at the Wellington Barracks in London. All got to hold massive guns and meet actual soldiers.
Stallone looked like he was made of chocolate and would melt in the white heat to battle. Good job he’s an actor…
Posted: 9th, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Is Kylie Minogue Sexier Than Her Music?
KYLIE Minogue says she is no “love goddess”. And, as the Sun says, Kylie “reckons her songs are sexier than she is”. What she actually says is:
“There are a lot of couples who have got together while listening to my music. My songs are not exactly unsexy. When I put it like that, it sounds like my role is to provide an aphrodisiac.”
So are her songs sexier than her? As Kylie gave full throat to the X-rated Locomotion:
You gotta swing your hips now
Come on baby, jump up, hmmm jump back
Oh well I think you got the knack
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Posted: 9th, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
What Really Happened In Victoria Beckham Jet Horror (Photos)
VICTORIA Beckham is not dead. The translatantic jet taking her from Heathrow to LA did not crash. The Daily Star leads with this news:
“POSH IN HOL JET TERROR AT 40,000 FT”
It’s not so bad in Metro:
“Victoria Beckham left terrified after plane fault at 30,000ft“
How’s Sticky Vicky? Says Contact Music:
Victoria Beckham – Victoria Beckham Petrified On Plane
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Posted: 9th, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (15)
Manic Street Preachers Rock Hammersmith: Photos
THE Manic Street Preachers secret gig photos show Nicky Wire working the nautical theme and, James Dean Bradfield in Anorak’s own-brand Comfi-Slax (for the full-figured rocker). The Hammersmith Working Men’s Club in west London was packed like it was 1926 and there were people who actually went to working men’s clubs. The revolution, however, can wait until the Manics’ new album ‘Postcards From a Young Man’ is fully plugged…
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That Yogi Bear Movie Poster Is Prop 8 Porno
THE poster for the new Yogi Bear film – title: Yogi Bear The Movie – features a picture of Yogi stood in front of BooBoo and the legend: “Great things comes in bears.”
Make of it what you will…
Posted: 5th, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Katie Price Does The Horse Refuge In Pictures
WHEN Katie Price visited the Horse Refuge in Wittersham, Kent, Anorak recalls the time she went to anoteher animal help desk – the Spiny Friends Hedgehog Hospital, back in 2006.
Katie Price’s Career As Jordan (NSFW)
Ed Barrett was not there:
JORDAN was last night relieved of her duties as a roving ambassador for the Spiny Friends Hedgehog Hospital. Since undergoing treatment for alcohol and fame addiction, the voluptuous model has thrown herself into her charity role. On this occasion, however, she threw herself too hard.
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Posted: 5th, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Jennifer Aniston Channels Streisand’s Funny Girl (But Not Her Nose)
JENNIFER Aniston is exactly what would happen to Barbra Streisand if she mojo-ed her hair, got a few new noses, had never hit a note, never had children, leant to cup her naked breasts and look sexless and wasn’t shagging Brad Pitt.
Harper’s Bizarre spotted the spooky similarities and Jen agreed to appear as Streisand in the pages of the esteemed organ. Jen piled up her hair, flashbacked to an old nose and began to talk:
Aniston has learnt from Barbra that: “You don’t have to stop at one thing. You can do it all if you want to.”
You might not do it all well. But you can do it all. Neither woman has invaded Bolivia, worked as doctor or ridden a donkey to Mecca. But they can – and is what matters.
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Posted: 5th, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Naomi Campbell’s ‘Dirty Looking Stones’ In Pictures
NAOMI Campbell says she was given a “Gift Of Dirty-Looking Stones”.
If approached by a dirty looking Stone it is advisable to shag him…
At a war crimes trial in the Hague – in teh dock one Charles Taylor – Campbell says:
“When I was sleeping I had a knock at my door and I opened my door and two men were there and gave me a pouch and said: ‘A gift for you’. I saw a few stones in there. Very small, dirty-looking stones. There was no explanation, no note.”
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Posted: 5th, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
In Pictures: Naomi Campbell Works The Charles Taylor War Crime Trial
NAOMI Campbell has been giving evidence to the war crimes trial of former Liberian leader Charles Taylor at the Special Court for Sierra Leone in The Hague. Campbell is said to have received a “blood diamond” from Taylor, who faces charges including criminal responsibility for murder, rape, sexual slavery and the use of child soldiers. Had Taylor only given Campbell a diamond-encrusted mobile phone and then got on the wrong side of her, things may have been different. The Blood Diamond-Coated Phone Case was the one that got away…
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Posted: 5th, August 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Why Caroline Giuliani Did It: Shoplifters Hall Of Fame (Photos)
INTRODUCING Caroline Giuliani, daughter to former would-be President of the USA Rudy Giuliani, and now an alleged shoplifter. The allegation is that she stole items from the Sephora beauty store on New York’s 86th and Lexington.
Maureen O’Connor muses on why a rich girl might have gone it, but doesn’t work the fame angle. Caroline is now famous. And fame is good.
In New York, being famous can get you lots of free stuff…
Ten Famous Shoplifters, With Jade Goody And Steven Gerrard
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Stevie G - England captain “I grabbed a few pens and paper from Woolworths and made a dash for the door but the security guard grabbed me.” Go on. “I thought it was all over. I thought the club would drop me. And I was convinced the school would expel me.” And where would Steven be today without GCSEs?
Posted: 5th, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Amy Winehouse Evokes The Thin White Line In Shaka Zulu: Pictures
AMY Winehouse draped herself about the neck of current prop Reg Traviss in the manner of Great Aunt Josie’s moth-eaten ostrich-feather scarf and hobbled along to the opening to the Shaka Zulu eatery in Camden’s Town’s Stables market. The rest of the ostrich was seared on platters, along with Kudu and Marinated Springbok. Also there was dislikeable pro-celeb hoofer Brendan Cole, a Zoe Hobbs, His Majesty King Goodwill Zwelithini, King of the Zulu nation, his wife and Sophie Anderton, the former coke head and reality TV fodder who once charged £15k for 120 Seconds Of Sex. Winehouse and Anderton versus the Zulu King. It’s the thin white line all over again, allegedly…
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Posted: 5th, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Barbara Windsor Wins Freedom Of The City Of London: Career In Pictures
BARBARA Windsor was with her umbrella wallah and husband Scott Mitchell as went to London’s Guidhall to collect her Freedom of the City of London award. With the gong come the rights – Windsor can now legally driver her sheep across Tower Bridge, wear a Magic Roundabout Doogle toy on her head and sing ‘Cheeky Sorta’ Bird‘ at the top of her voice while exercising her chests in Stanmore…
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Posted: 4th, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
The Wanted Woo The Suits And Play Westfield: In Pictures
THE Wanted are at Number 1 in the hit parade and singing a song in London’s Westfield shopping centre. The Wanted are managed by Global, owners of the radio stations Heart, Galaxy, 95.8 Capital FM, LBC, Classic FM, Gold and Xfm. The charts are shaped by airplay as well as sales. And The Wanted have been on the radio lots. So, without further ado, here is The Wanted, the sure thing you can bet to be a smash hit. He are Max George, Siva Kaneswaran , Tom Parker , James McGuiness and little Nathan Sykes. The suits are cheering wildly. Take it away, lads…
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The Miss England Boot Camp: In Pictures
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the Miss England Boot Camp, where the girls who will ambassador for England in the world’s ultimate beauty mall are being put through their paces.
Miss USA Rima Fakih’s Bikini For Hezbollah: NSFW
The current Miss England, Lance Corporal Katrina Hodge, was soon inspecting this year’s crop, among them Stephanie Pywell, the current Miss Newark who is also the current Great Britain high jump champion.
In NSFW Pictures: Sexy Miss USA Contestants Prove Carrie Prejean Was Ahead Of Her Time
Who wins and takes the change to run the gauntlet in the televised world show, in which the winner is the one agile enough to walk through a Tokyo train without being frotted, scale the Spanish Steps while not being goosed and being the most shaggable to the viewers at home…
The Dumbest Beauty Pageant Answers Ever
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Posted: 3rd, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
‘Fat’ Angelina Jolie Shames True Hollywood Stars
DID you know that Angelina Jolie weighs “95lbs!”? Yeah. The fat cow.
Once we looked to Hollywood to lead the way in thinness, but now even the elite are bloaters. For shame!
But all might not be lost for we who look West for what can be called Concentration Camp Chic.
The National Enquirer says that Ange IS “WASTING AWAY” and her weight “DROPS” to 95lbs. She is, dear readers, apparently heading in the right direction.
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Posted: 3rd, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Camp Bestival In Pictures: 1980s Nostalgia With A Modern Twist
CAMP Bestival 2010 In pictures: We spotted Mark E.Smith of The Fall proving that chemical additives need not always be preserving agents, Tinie Tempah (aka Little Strop), Annie Mac and Toddla T, the lead singer of the Friendly Fires working the 80s fist, someone pretending to be the Human Leagues’ Paul Oakey, a Calvin Harris, Rob Da Bank (not his real name), The Hurt, Lissie, Madness, who now resemble their own tribute act, and Roger Stilgoe impersonator Tim Minchin…
Posted: 3rd, August 2010 | In: Music | Comments (2)
Christina Hendricks’ High School Cheerleader: Pictures Photos
CHRISTINA Hendricks, Mad Men’s Joan Holloway – the epitome of the coalition female – is seen at age 17 posing for a photo in Matrix, her school magazine at Fairfax High School in Virginia. Yep, without the golden globes and the red hair, Hendricks is pretty hard to pick out.
Christina Hendricks Conversation Presents Cirque Du Soleil’s ‘Viva Elvis’ In Pictures
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Posted: 3rd, August 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Kerry Katona’s ‘Stalker’ Revealed
KERRY Katona is accusing her ex – the one to whom she is still married – of stalking her. The ex is “MARK CROFT” and Kerry says he “nearly killed me”.
Says the Star:
KERRY Katona was reeling last night after her ex-husband began behaving like an obsessed lovesick stalker.
Why bother stalking Katona. Thanks to a decent agent and a complaint Daily Star, Crofty can folly Kerry’s every move in the news media. Today, for instance, Kerry is blonde and pushing her chest against a strip of oak veneer.
Says the Star:
Now he claims he will win her back, and that Kerry is still besotted with him and often phones for chats. He admitted: “I’ll be in love with her until I die.”
Kerry is “horrified” and “sickened” by his claims. As she says:
“I love him because he is the father of two of my children. But I will never, ever go back to him.”
So those “bizarre” claims are based on a fact? A fact that Croft told something called Star magazine, an organ that comes free with OK! and is published by the same firm that published the, er, Daily Star. As Croft said:
“I know Kerry is still in love with me. She said to me when we first split: ‘Mark, I will always love you till the day I die.’ She said: ‘Mark, I am being truthful, I have got feelings for you.’ So I am presuming she’s still got them.”
No need to presume when you have a tabloid press to create a non-story and then fill in the gaps…
Posted: 3rd, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Susan Boyle Gets £15 A Week Raise And Vows To Remain Unloved
SUSAN Boyle takes home £300 a week. Every week. It’s front-page news on The News of The World.
Three hundred pounds a week when you are sitting on a £10m fortune is not much pocket money. But things are improving because in December 2009, Gerry Boyle, SuBo’s brother who tells us of the £300, told us:
“She is still living off a $285 a week allowance which she uses for food and bills – but as for luxuries such as jewelery and flat-screen TVs, there are none.”
Gerry Boyle does a lot of talking. He tells us that despite buying a £300,000 home, Boyle’s allowance means she is unable to furnish it…
“So she’s still stuck in the small council house where we all grew up.”
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Posted: 1st, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (7)
How Derek ‘The Hoff’ Hough Saved Cheryl Tweedy’s Life And Other Facts
DID you know that Derek Hough saved Cheryl Cole’s life? The Mirror says Hough called “999” when Cheryl took ill. Yes, he had previously taken married Cheryl to Tanzania, where it is thought she caught malaria. But that was Cheryl Cole. The Mirror says this woman’s name is Cheryl Tweedy. Although it isn’t.
But the story goes that Hough called the emergency services. As we learn:
Cheryl Tweedy has revealed that she owes her life to boyfriend Derek Hough.
The X Factor star says a medical blunder left her just hours from death, and she only pulled through after dancer Derek told medics to carry out further tests… which showed she had malaria.
Hough is pronounced Hoff, as in David Hasselhoff. Derek Hough is the new Mitch Buchanan. He’s not, reportedly, dating a married woman. He’s saving her life:
Cheryl told a friend: “Derek saved my life. If he hadn’t spoken out to the doctors and told them he thought something was seriously wrong I would probably have died.”
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Posted: 1st, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Joe McElderry On Being Gay On Twitter, Orgies And ‘Sex With Simon Cowell’
JOE McElderry is gay. Yeah, the big-toothed singer who won X Factor with an impression of a Jonas Brother at a school concert is a homosexual. It’s front-page news on the Sun.
Previously Joe was known for being blocked from reaching the Christmas number 1 slot by a successful campaign to elevate Rage Against The Machine to the top spot.
Joe has decided to tell everyone he is gay because:
a) It’s a slow news day?
b) The X Factor is coming around again and people have forgotten who the hell he is?
c) It’s easier talking about your sexuality than having a hit song?
d) Simon Cowell told him to?
e) Someone “hacked” into his Twitter account and aid he was gay?
f) He’s recording a new album?
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Posted: 31st, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
