Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
In Pictures: Jennifer Lopez’s Back Up Plan Premier, Kerry Katona And Other Stuffed Turkeys
WEDNESDAY meant The Back-Up Plan premier at The Vue, Leicester Square, London. The co-stars Alex O’Loughlin and Jennifer Lopez have set the movie world abuzz with their romance. It’s not so much a “Have they?” as a “Would they even if there was no-one else alive on Earth?” Lopez has been in more turkeys than a Bernard Mathews’ chestnuts. And this is another one. But the celebs were choice. You can tell a lot about the calibre of a film by the sort of liggers it attracts. So here come: Kerry Katona, Stacey Solomon, Sophia Hyatt, Hofit Golan, Jenni Falconer, Tamara Ecclestone (and what colour is she today – we’d say ‘Defcom 4), Kathryn Prescott and – a roll on the turkey drummers – Bianca Gascoigne…
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Posted: 28th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Paloma Faith, Kevin Spacey And Other Liggers Launch The Samsung 3D Tell: Pictures
WITH the wondrous Paloma Faith to the Samsung 3D LED TV launch at the Saatchi Gallery in London. Because a telly is art. Well, no. It’s a telly. Also there to watch the telly were Alexandra Burke, Sophie Ellis Bextor, Tamara Ecclestone (what colour is she – we say ‘Tuscan slate’), Zoe Salmon, Hofit Golan, Claudia Winkleman, Laura Bailey, Chelsea FC’s Florent Malouda and for reason no-one can fatham Kevin Spacey…
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Posted: 28th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Downs Syndrome Twins?
HAS the National Enquirer cooked up the most speculative headline of all time as its front page looks at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and screams:
“TWINS HEALTH SHOCKER! Tragic Down’s Syndrome reports surrounding Vivienne and Knox”
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Posted: 28th, April 2010 | In: National Enquirer | Comments (16)
Sandra Bullock Adopts Black Domestic Orphan Louis Bardo Bullock: Pictures
SANDRA Bullock is the proud mum of Louis Baredo Bullock. She’s adopted a baby. This is how you show your husband Jesse James and his tattooed lover Michelle McGee that you have moved on. This is how you keep a secret. And Jesse James new. He can keep a secret. He’s the daddy. He’s the daddy of a black baby.
So much for those Nazi accusations. Although Bullock is happy to soak them:
“The photo shocked me and made me sad. This is not the man I married.
Louis Baredo Bullock is from New Orleans. Yes, she’s adopted a domestic orphan.
People says Louis Bardo Bullock is 3½-months-old. Says Sandra:
“It’s like he’s always been a part of our lives.”
And she’s divorcing Jesse James:
“Yes, I have filed for divorce. I’m sad and I am scared.”
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Posted: 28th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)
N-Dubz Dappy Does Meow Meow: Cocaine Dealers Amazed
NOW that meow meow, aka mephedrone is illegal, here’s a picture of “vile” threatening N-Dubz front man, Pob look-alike Dappy, snorting the stuff following a gig.
The best bit about the Sun’s picture is that Dappy is said to be “hoovering” up the plant food through a rolled up bank note. He is in a “grimy back office”, and not on a yacht or swanky penthouse or any other super slick venue where you take real cocaine.
Meow meow is billed in the tabloids as the cheaper alternative to cocaine. But given that Dappy is a popstar and using an actual bank note – although it might be Greek fiver or one of these – meow meow seems to be a drug in its own right.
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Posted: 28th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
In Pictures: Candi Staton Souls Out Nottingham
CANDI Staton is leaving it late to be billed as the new Whitney Houston. But unlike the sweaty mess on stage at the 02, Staton san sing and remember the words. We saw her at the Rescue Rooms in Nottingham, backed by Push, with former Style Council player Mick Talbot. A small room. A great voice. And talent shines…
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Does Susan Boyle Think Amanda Holden’s Trout Pout Is Authentic?
HATS off to Britain’s Got Talent’s Amanda Holden for realising that cutaway shots of her gaping are very much part of the show’s fabric. So as not disappoint the fans, Holden seems to have elected to freeze her face in a permanent gape.
This is, of course, what Susan Boyle would have wanted. Holden saluted Boyle as the authentic face of natural womanhood. Boyle should return the favour and salute Holden as the face of vapid artifice.
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Posted: 28th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Jack Tweed In Jade Goody Costa Slappa Orgy, Probably
JACK Tweed is not a rapist but is still in the shadow of Jade Goody, and he died a year ago. On the cover of the Daily Star, Jack remains “JADE’S JACK”. And he is on a “WILD BOOZE HOLS ORGY”.
Jack Tweed has taken his “pals” to the “costa del sex”.
Where’s that, then? Turns out it’s the Costa del Sol. And that Jack hasn’t actually gone there yet:
JACK Tweed will celebrate being cleared of rape with an orgy of booze and sex in Spain. The only thing wild about this orgy is the speculation and the Star’s front-page headline.
A Lauren Pope will be there – pictures of the country’s anti-Pope here. And it will be wild and cray-zee. Or as doe-faced Jack says:
“I just want to lead a normal life. I want to graft, earn some money and have a holiday.”
Phwoarrr! Not ‘alf!
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Posted: 28th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Flavio Briatore And Elisabetta Gregoraci Present Falco Nathan But Not The Nanny
FLAVIO Briatore would like to show Hello! readers his massive yacht and newborn son Falco Nathan, a child he calls a “phenomenon”.
Mum Elisabetta Gregoraci, blessed with a face that is as line and blemish free as her son’s, sits with the proud dad and his son. The boy weighed an “impressive” 4.16kg when born.
Elisabetta had Falco Nathan 17 days before his due date. She did this so that her mother Melina and the dad, Flavio, would be there. Elisabetta is nothing if not considerate.
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The Avatar Tree Of Souls Will Save R Souls From Papa Smurf
ALL hail the Tree of Souls at Speakers’ Corner, Hyde Park, environmentalist James Cameron’s latest attempt to save the world by using lots of electricity fast.
Cameron’s Avatar dirge is on DVD. And to make the even there’s a giant interactive replica of the film’s Tree of Souls. To save the world, it’s got 20 miles of fibre optic branches that glow. It’s every bit as tragic as it sounds.
James Cameron’s Wind-Up Avatar DVD With Stephen Lang
You can plug in your iPods or phones and upload messages to an inbuilt screen.
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Posted: 27th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Marry And Jennifer Aniston Finds That Nail
JENNIFER Aniston is in “agony”. And Angelina Jolie is marrying Brad Pitt. The Enquirer’s front page hints at these two shockers being related.
When we first read it we supposed Gerard Butler had lost a finger nail up Aniston’s crevice. But inside the magazine in the know we find out that Aniston is set to have her heart broken by Brad marrying Angelina.
It turns out that Aniston’s heart was not broken by Brad Pitt dumping her, divorcing her and then – oh, yes, reader – only then shagging Angelina Jolie and touring the globe as a divine force of good.
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Posted: 27th, April 2010 | In: National Enquirer | Comments (15)
Amy Winehouse Falls On Her Breasts And Misses: Pictures
AMY Winehouse is back in hospital having fallen over onto her new breasts. Had only Amy gone for the optional extra: the extended feet procedure this latest horror could have been averted.
The Sun, however, says Amy “landed flat on her face”. Look like we were wrong, those 32D implants are not protruding enough. When your face enters a room before your chest, you know you need to go the extra yard, literally.
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Posted: 27th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
In Pictures: Grace Jones Gives Lady Gaga Her Unicorn Of Pity
ANORAK went to see Grace Jones perform live at the Royal Albert Hall, London. How close would you dare get to Grace Jones? We got close enough to smell her pelt. Jones is like a modern-day Medusa. One stare and you’re transfixed. One day Jones will turn Lady Gaga to stone. Says Jones of being asked to work with Madonna’s camel: “Yes, she did, but I said no. I’d just prefer to work with someone who is more original and someone who is not copying me, actually.” There’s only room for one unicorn on this beat. Although a fight would be good watching…
Posted: 27th, April 2010 | In: Music | Comments (6)
Alex Curran And Steven Gerrard Reveal Their Love Hell: Pictures
CAN it be that music fan Steven Gerrard and pro WAG Alex Curran are in a “LOVE SPLIT HELL”, as the Daily Star reports on its front page?
The “WORLD EXCLUSIVE” is that the England and Liverpool player and his wife and not in a love split hell and they “DON’T EVEN ARGUE”.
No, it’s not that bad readers. It’s not all long silences and moody looks. Red Stevie G and orangey Alex don’t argue because they are so in love – with each other.
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Posted: 27th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Lindsay Lohan UnTweets Her Party: Pictures
LINDSAY Lohan tells the world via the privacy of Twitter that she is giving up partying.
Lindsay chucks drink over his own lover Sam Ronson and tweets:
“Last night-never again-believe it or not she’s done with the club scene i’ve learned my lesson-sometime’s it just takes a glimpse of reality.”
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Posted: 26th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Iron Man 2 Gala Screening: Dizzee Rascal And Alex Reid Meet Mr Sheen In Pictures
TO the Iron Man 2 Gala screening at the at the Vue cinema in London’s Westfield shopping centre. We spotted Jasmine Guiness, Jade Jones, Leigh Francis, Alex Reid, Dev Patel and the delicious Jameela Jamil. Oh, a wally dressed as a can of Mr Sheen…
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Posted: 26th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
In Pictures: Melissa Smith Apologises To Sandra Bullock, Privately
JESSE James’ alleged lover, Melissa Smith (aka Mel Smith) – wants to tell Sandra Bullock how sorry she is. So, she uses the power of the open letter. Well, not so much open as faxed to Bullock’s agent and leaked to the gossip blogs.
She ends the letter with:
“Please contact me if you wish to discuss on the phone or in person.”
The full letter is after the gallery of James’ alleged women, as copied by Asa Hawks:
Fortis Films
[deleted]
[deleted]
Fax: [deleted]
ATTN: Sandra Bullock
Dear Sandra,
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Posted: 26th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Justin Bieber Fails In Quest To Rescue Australian Girl
JUSTIN Bieber has tiggered a crush among his young fan, the so-called Bibs.
At the Overseas Passenger Terminal at Circular Quay, Sydney, a few girls are crushed in the throng. Justin can only take one girl from the country back to the Americas with him. The pandemonium is understandable.
As Bieber wrote:
Just arrived and I like Australia. I like the weather, the accents, the girls, the water, the excitement, the girls and – the girls.
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Posted: 26th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Nation’s Sweetheart Jack Tweed Is Not A Rapist: Jade Goody’s Grave Awaits Photo Op (Pictures)
JACK Tweed. Not a rapist. Mr Jade Goody, of Jade Goody industries, is not rapist. Repeat, he is not a rapist. The identity of the woman who accused him is not revealed in the press. But chances are it soon will be. It should be. It must be.
Says Tweed, who will be surely pictured sat by Jade Goody’s grave in the paper’s tomorrow:
“I’m relieved that the jury have taken a matter of minutes to see through these scurrilous and completely groundless allegations.”
Scurrilous. He said that? No, he was talking through his brief, Philip Smith. Go on:
“I now want to put the last eight months behind me and rebuild my life as a 22-year-old young man.”
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Posted: 26th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Larry King: These Documents Claim He Pretends, Lies, Misleads And Two-Times (Pictures)
LARRY King, Shawn Southwick King and Rama King are in the news. Talkshow host Larry King confesses: “I lie – pretend – mislead… I will have 2 or more women going at the same time.” Anorak’s Man in LA reports:
Clearly, Larry King has issues with women.
After all, less than two weeks ago, he and Wife Number Six, Shawn Southwick King, engaged in a race to see who could get to the courthouse first to file for divorce, each reportedly accusing the other of certain extramarital activities.
And based on documents obtained exclusively by Our Man in LA, Larry is his own toughest critic when it comes to the way he handles intimate relationships. (These documents seem to be authentic. But King or his poeple have yet to comment on their veracity.)
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Posted: 26th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Whitney Houston Loses Her Voice In London, Literally: Pictures
WHITNEY Houston was on stage at the big oxygen tent, the O2 in Greenwich, London. It was billed as Whitney comeback concert.whitney cameback. But her voice – Little Whitney – was lost.
USA Today reports that “hundreds in the audience walked out” as the singer “missed high notes, cut short her songs and apologized for her shortcomings”. And sweated. Boy did she sweat. People in the front row needed umbrellas. Says Houston:
“She don’t want to come, my soprano friend. Sometimes the old girl sings, but not tonight.”
Whitney’s voice has it’s own personality. Whitney talks to Whitney’s voice.
“I want to do it, but she doesn’t want to. … She’s getting a little … temperamental, even.”
Whitney voice needs whipping into shape or, maybe, sectioning.
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Posted: 26th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comments (3)
Katie Price’s Pregnant Barbie And New BaByQ: Pictures
KATIE Price is the “HAPPY MUM”. She is pictured on the Daily Star’s cover page being cradled by Alex Reid. It’s an old photo but the story is new:
“JORDAN & ALEX BABY PARTY”
News is that Katie and Alex “threw a barbecue bash” to “share their hot baby news.” What’s this? Hot baby… Barbecue… Noooooooo! Katie, you don’t need to go to such lengths to grab a front page from Peter Andre. Just dress Princess up as a lapdancer or put your hair in a bun and your **** in a toaster. Kill Barbie. Just leave the babes out of it.
The Star says Katie drank no booze and had an early night. This is making news by Tabloid Maths. A plus B equals whatever the news agenda wants it to be.
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Posted: 26th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Gisele Bundchen’s Blue Lagoon: Pictures
GISELE Bundchen is green. Gisele is an environmentalist. Gisele knows. She is hot on green matters. She also has a huge house. Huge. Massive. And a huge family in the planning, which will make those greenies unhappy.
What kind of U.N. environmental ambassador builds a 20,000 square-foot home with a six-car garage, an elevator and a lagoon? Why, that would be the Hub’s favorite Pats fan, Gisele Bundchen!
Says Gielse, a United Nations’ Environmental Goodwill Ambassador, on her green blog:
The most important thing about all this is that we understand the importance that each of us has in the process, and are aware of the fact that it is our duty because we are also part of this world.
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Posted: 25th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)
James Cameron’s Wind-Up Avatar DVD With Stephen Lang
KING of wind-powered electronic arts James Cameron releases his DVD of Avatar, the too-long blue-in-the-face, 3D enviro-flick.
Before we get to Cameron’s latest quotes on global warming, note this explanation for being a man who burns tons of fossil fuels getting his green message to the masses. And, no, it’s not a plan to use up all the oil as fast as possible so we have to confront the inconvenient truth:
So how do I cancel the paradox? To me its not paradoxical – its not even meant to be ironic. For me, film is a technical medium. And you can use a technical medium to celebrate something that is purely natural. I think you can use the most cutting edge technology available – which we did, to basically celebrate the inventiveness of nature – which we did.
We are nature. We can invent. We are beyond parody. David Chen, who interviews Cameron, is faced with the biggest, most successful director of this age. He responds to that bit of self-serving nonsense with understandable reserve:
Chen: That makes sense. So I guess your use of technology in movie making is one of the good uses, you’d say.
Cameron: I would look at it that way, yes. We’re the good guys.
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Posted: 25th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
In Pictures: The Plot To Deport Peter Andre And Katie Price’s X Factor
JORDAN and Peter Andre are in the “SEX FACTOR”. Following a series of disingenuous headlines about Peter’s “love” for Kerry Katona, Katie’s exploding breasts and Katie separation from Alex Reid, Richard Desmond’s titles deliver a headline that compasses Katie, Peter and Sex.
What news?
POP hunk Peter Andre was last night at the centre of a bizarre TV war with The X Factor.
Bizarre?
The singer, 37, claimed he had been offered a top job as a judge on the Australian version of the show.
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Posted: 24th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
