Anorak

Tabloids | Anorak - Part 30

Tabloids Category

The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.

Hackney meets Father Ted in a story of rat as big as your kids

Hackney massive rat

 

The story of a rat a big – or as small – as a toddler has been all over the news. The Star, naturally, made it its own. But was the rat really that big? Did it weigh the same as small child?

Hackney council, on whose patch “Tony” found the dead monster – picked it up; posed for a photo with the heavy beast on the end of a stick; threw beast away – is unsure:

 

giant rat hackney

 

Perspective? Maybe, says Father Ted:

 

Posted: 13th, March 2016 | In: Strange But True, Tabloids | Comment


Huge rats take over Daily Star

The Daily Star is Number 1 for rat news:

 

DAily Star rat toddlers

 

The story goes that “A MONSTER rat as big as a child has sparked fears that Britain will be overrun with giant rodents.”

Although living in a land overrun by children might be more terrifying.

The huge pest was spotted in north London, lying dead next to a popular children’s playground. Weighing more than 25lbs and measuring four-feet tall, it had a tail like an adult’s arm.

It was found by a man named Tony, who says:

 

“This is the largest rat I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I’d say it was about four foot. I’ve got a cat and a Jack Russell and it was bigger than both of those put together.”

When was the last time you saw your cat and dog, Tony?

 

 

 

daily star rats

 

Rats have never had it so good.

 

 

Posted: 12th, March 2016 | In: Strange But True, Tabloids | Comment


Daily Star turns Viola Beach ‘accident’ into something sinister

Viola Beach

 

Investigators say the deaths of all four members of British band Viola Beach was an “accident”. The driver “did not intend to kill himself or the group” from Warrington. As the Times reports:

Kris Leonard, River Reeves, Tomas Lowe, Jack Dakin and Craig Tarry, the manager who is thought to have been driving, died when the vehicle plunged off a bridge, 18 miles from Sweden’s capital Stockholm early on February 13. A preliminary post-mortem examination found that the driver did not have drugs or alcohol in his body. Detectives believe the driver did not intend to kill himself or the band. The crash was due to unfortunate circumstances, they said.

Lars Berglund, of the Swedish police, says: “It looks like the drive acted deliberately… There is no suggestion that it was intended to kill himself or the band.”

And how does the Star report on the tragedy? It yells: “Brit Band Bridge Plunge: It Was Deliberate.”

Hideous.

 

Posted: 11th, March 2016 | In: Celebrities, Music, Tabloids | Comment


Robbie Williams’ wife did go break his supermarket virginity

“Robbie Williams’ wife Ayda Field has been on ITV’s Loose Women. The paper  tuned in and tells readers, “Robbie’s never been to a supermarket”.

 

robbie williams supermarket

 

Says Anya: “Rob is now 42 – for the first time I took him to the supermarket.”

Really? Is that what he told you? Because in Robbie by Sean Smith, we learn:

A supermarket manager once closed the story so that Robbie Williams and his mother could buy their groceries not get hassled by the public… Robbie found it funny, “It was hysterical because it was a Monday morning and there wasn’t a soul in there anyway.”

Or as the papers put it: “Robbie Williams has gone to the supermarket for the first time aged 42” – Daily Star.

Such are the facts.

 

Posted: 11th, March 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment


The Queen: ‘vote yes to Brexit and bring on the Republic of Great Britain’

queen brexit

 

The Queen wants the country to leave the European Union. She doesn’t vote, much like Russell Brand, but she knows the right course to plot. Well, so says the Sun, which delivers the news in an “exclusive bombshell”.

Readers might wonder why Her Maj would want to opt out of a union with countries that slaughtered their royals. Go it alone and the country needs a leader, someone who represents the place. Vote out and The Munsters are doomed.

The Sun adds that “Her Majesty let rip” at Nick Clegg. The phrase ‘let rip’ is ripe with odour. Betty spoke with “venom and emotion” in a “bust-up” with then deputy PM Nick Clegg. The source of this story is not named. And since publication the Queen’s PR mob have moved to distance her from it.

Oddly, this news comes just one day after the Sun led with a picture of the Queen’s grandson, Prince William, larking about on a “luxury ski trip”. Wills was “accused of shirking his job”, although it’s hard to pinpoint what that is other than being alive to claim the crown and extending the royal line. He’s accomplishing both tasks with skill. There is talk of his work with helicopters. What is it with helicopters and the Windsors? Prince Andrew flew one; Prince Harry learned to fly one; Sarah Ferguson drew one… Maybe the Anglo-Germans are making ready for a vote to remain in the EU, and the moment when they’ll need to beat a hasty retreat from the roof of Buckingham Palace.

Lower the rope ladder, Fergie. Fergie… FERGIE!!!!

Posted: 9th, March 2016 | In: Politicians, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Hitler made his niece shit a smiling poo on him, says Daily Mail

Hitler poo shit on niece

 

 

As they say at the Daily Mail:

Hurrah for the black shits!

Hurrah of the smiling emoji poo.

Spotter: @abstex

Posted: 7th, March 2016 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Call of Duty turns Jamie Vardy into a ticking timebomb

call of duty 2

 

Big news in the Daily Mail that Leicester City striker Jamie Vardy is “gunning down rivals” by playing Call of Duty on his PlayStation.

Those rivals had best watch out. The Daily Mail told us Call of Duty turns you into a murderer – maybe:

 

Screen Shot 2016-03-07 at 13.41.40

 

Screen Shot 2016-03-07 at 13.46.55

Screen Shot 2016-03-07 at 13.47.05

 

 

He shoots! He shoot! He keeps on shooting until the game is over and his wife call him down for dinner…

 

Posted: 7th, March 2016 | In: Back pages, Key Posts, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids, Technology | Comment


Cheryl And Liam Payne spin their great romance

cheryl liam pr x factor

 

Cheryl Tweedy Cole Fernandez-Varsini is seen stepping out with One Direction’s dullest member Liam Payne. The Mirror says the pair are “definitely an item”. In no way is this a PR stunt to keep us interested in The X Factor show, on which both feature, to make Liam look shaggable and Chezza down with the kids.

They were spotted “sneaking into a casino”. The couple – dubbed ‘Chayne ‘ – snuck in by getting out of a large Range Rover and going in the front entrance of Crockford’s a casino in central London.

One “onlooker” there to spot the sneaking and able to contact the press tells the Mirror: “Liam made sure she got out of the car and into venue safely.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 7th, March 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment


An incredible photo of Victoria Beckham’s bush

The Daily Mirror has news on Victoria Beckham and her bush on page 3:

beckham mothers day

 

beckham bush

Posted: 7th, March 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment


The Leicester Mercury’s man at the movies’ sassy reviews are hilarious

The Leicester Mercury’s man at the movies has been writing sassy reviews.

 

leicester mercury film reviews 2 leicester mercury film reviews 1 leicester mercury film reviews Screen Shot 2016-02-29 at 11.47.46

 

Spotter: 

Posted: 29th, February 2016 | In: Film, Tabloids | Comment


Josh Mariner’s Stag Do fight: seedy strip joints, a RyanAir fork and a Sun reader offer

bratislava fightThe Sun leads with a fight aboard a RyanAir flight from Luton to Bratislava. In “Mile High Clubbed”, we meet Josh Mariner’s Stag Do party, two of whom are having a row. Six of the country’s finest were removed from the plane when the plane diverted to Berlin. The highlight of this episode is the exchange between two of the men which features an absurd mix of EastEnders English, therapy babble and LA street gang wit.

Stagger 1: “You’re a fucking prick bruv. I hate you. No disrespect to her but I hate her. You think you’re fucking real? You watch then mate. You’re a fucking… Fuck your mum, your dad.

“I’m not afraid of you, I swear on my mother’s life. I’d rather stab you in the face with a fork. My name to you is Tom. I am gong to make you respect it. Keep talking… keep talking..? You’ve done it now, anything goes. I swear on my dad’s grave I’ll take you. I’m not scared of you. You are a wrong ‘un. Why shouldn’t I batter your face? You are a pussy. I wish you would get wrapped up by people bigger than you.”

The other man does a small-fingered wanking gesture with his hand. He slaps Tom. Tom throws a punch. It misses.

Stagger 1: “We are not in Southampton now. More coming Jamie, I don’t care. I don’t want anything to do with you, you little wanker. I want you to know for the rest of your life every time we see each other…”

It’s brilliant stuff, worthy of a Bafta, or at least a writing job on Hollyoaks.

And, of course, as anyone whose travelled on RyanAir knows, everything ‘s extra. The fork, the one you’re gong to stab Jamie with, costs £4:50. It’s made of thin plastic, so you might also want to go for the spoon (£4:50).

Note: The Sun tells readers: “The Slovakian capital is popular with British stag parties where beer costs just £1 a pint and there are dozens of seedy strip joints and nightclubs.”

Which makes it the perfect place for Sun readers to go. You’ll love it!

 

the sun fork batislava

Screen Shot 2016-02-29 at 09.55.30

 

Fights and forks extra.

Posted: 29th, February 2016 | In: Key Posts, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Spider bite transforms Wrexham football into a ‘footie ace’

james gray wrexham

 

Who is the “footie ace” eaten by spiders? It’s there on the front page of the Daily Star – “Killer Spider Eats Footies Ace.” Has Wayne Rooney been trapped in a spider’s web? Reading on we learn that the ace is Wrexham striker James Gray. That’s G… R…A…Y.  Wrexham play in the National League, four notches below the Premier League.

He was less eaten than he was bitten on the arm by a false widow spider. It;s nasty little critter. James developed an infection. He was rushed to hospital, where the poison was cut out.

Nasty. But is the false black widow really a killer spider? the NHS tells us:

According to the Natural History Museum, false widow spiders, so-called because of their similarity to the more poisonous black widow spider, are the main culprits and typically give bites that cause pain, redness and swelling.

Boots the chemist adds:

The effect of a bite is unlikely to be worse than being stung by a wasp or bee and results in pain, redness and swelling.

In other news: Footballer in English football’s fifth division bitten by spider. Or how about, Spider bite transforms Wrexham football into a ‘footie ace’?!

 

Posted: 27th, February 2016 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment


Tony Blackburn, dead Savile and the death of BBC dancer Claire McAlpine

claire

 

In front-page news billed as a”World Exclusive”, the Mirror brings news of Tony Blackburn, the BBC radio DJ of no little vintage. “BBC Axe Sex Probe DJ Tony Blackburn,” announces the dire headline, one seemingly written by an SEO expert for whom English is not their fist language. The headline can be unpacked in the first paragraph:

“DJ Tony Blackburn has been sacked by the BBC is a row about a sex abuse probe.”

Blackburn says he was never “quizzed” in 1971 over  a “woman’s allegations” he’d seduced a teenager. The BBC’s report out today says he was. He says, “They are destroying my career and reputation because my version of event does not tally with theirs.”

 

Radio One Disc Jockeys take time off to push Jimmy Savile from Broadcasting House to Park Lane by bed, in aid of the Variety Club of Great Britain and the Outward Bound Trust. (L-R) Simon Bates, Dave Lee Travis, Tony Blackburn, Kid Jensen and Steve Wright.

Radio One Disc Jockeys take time off to push Jimmy Savile from Broadcasting House to Park Lane by bed, in aid of the Variety Club of Great Britain and the Outward Bound Trust. (L-R) Simon Bates, Dave Lee Travis, Tony Blackburn, Kid Jensen and Steve Wright.

 

The story continues over page 4 and 5, “Beeb bosses covered up ‘DJ seduced girl’ claims,” chimes the Mirror. The girl was 15-year-old Claire McAlpine. We’ve reported on her before. In 2012, the Press linked her death to the then Sir Jimmy Savile, who after death became ‘Jimmy The Beast”.

 

News of the World 1972

 

Last month the Daily Mail had more:

“Claire McAlpine, 15, killed herself after being abused by an unnamed DJ on the show [Top of the Pops] on 1971.”

On the same day the Sun led with the Jimmy Savile Report, a review by Dame Janet Smith, who concluded that the BBC “HID” news that Savile had “seduced” a 15-year-old dancer on BBC TV’s Top of The Pops music show. The paper adds: “Clair [sic] McAlpine killed herself weeks after the alleged sexual encounter.”

 

claire mcalpine

 

Back then Jimmy did it.

Now the torchlight falls on Blackburn’s 73-year-old face. The BBC has sacked him. He says he never seduced McAlpine. He says he’s a “scapegoat”.

Looking at the media’s scattergun reporting on the case of Miss McAlpine reveals a story laced with agendas.

PS: On 7th April 1971 the Daily Express had Jimmy  Savile news (via Rabbitaway):

 

Jimmy SAvile dating tips sex

 

dolly 1

dolly 2

 

dolly 3

 

Jimmy SAvile dating tips sex

 

And:

 

claire date

claire date 1

 

Finally two more cuttings:

 

dolly pop

 

suicide

 

Such are the facts.

Posted: 25th, February 2016 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Madeleine McCann: Katie Hopkins finds ‘Maddie’ on the other side

Madeleine McCann: a look at reporting on the missing child.

Daily Star (front page): “Maddie: Parents ‘blamed'”

 

maddie

 

For what? Why? But whom? We soon get to know:

Katie Hopkins sparks fury by saying Maddie McCann’s parents ‘must share blame’

Katie Hopkins, for those of you blessedly not in the know, is a former contestant on The Apprentice TV show – the one on which ‘driven’ people try to win a job working for Alan Sugar in a Brentwood office block. Hopkins lost but did score a job belching ‘controversial’ opinions to deadline for the Sun newspaper and, remarkably, a TV show of her own. That all ended, meaning Katie now shouts exclusively on free-to-air Twitter.

The Star thinks her tweets worthy of its front page. Robin Cottle has created a story from a tweet:

She claimed Kate and Gerry McCann should take some blame for her disappearance.

Oh?

The 41-year-old also insisted the heartbroken couple did not “deserve” the £11million of taxpayers’ cash shelled out to search for Madeleine.

This is in the Star, which once libelled Kate and Gerry McCann.

One Twitter user wrote: “Katie Hopkins victim blaming the McCanns suggests people have no self control, the blame lies with whoever wrongly took what wasn’t theirs.”

Good grief. This story had not made any progress.

Another added: “Yes they made a mistake. Thousands do the same every day and get away with it. Cruel for Hopkins to rub salt in it surely. How did she become our moral guide?”

Answer: when the Star wanted cheap filler.

But some supported the outspoken celeb, with one saying: “Agree with absolutely everything @KTHopkins has said about Maddie’s disappearance, she’s only saying what the rest of you think anyway.”

Always useful when talking of “outrage” to report both sides of the shouting match.

Having seduced readers with a limp story on the missing child, the report takes a jerking twist:

Madeleine went missing during a family holiday in Praia de Luz, Portugal, almost nine years ago. Meanwhile, Hopkins announced yesterday that she was about to go under the surgeon’s knife to cure her epilepsy.

“Meanwhile…” Even the Dallas TV show (‘Meanwhile…back at the Ranch’) didn’t jump around like a demented kangaroo – which might very well be writing both the Star’s reports and Katie’s tweets.

She told fans she will “see them on the other side” and claimed not to be scared about the brain operation.

For those of you not on Twitter, ‘the other side’ is thought to be a reference to Facebook.

 

Posted: 23rd, February 2016 | In: Celebrities, Madeleine McCann, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Boris Johnson knifes Cameron as Labour woos patriots

boris johnson EU out

 

Boris Johnson has “electrified the referendum race” by backing the No vote to take Britain out of the European Union, says the Times. The mayor of London stood on the steps of his London home and told vast ranks of media:

“After a great deal of heartache I don’t think there’s anything else I can do: I will be advocating Vote Leave… because I want a better deal for the people of this country,” he said. “To save them money and to take back control, that’s really, I think, what this is all about.”

Earlier in the day, David Cameron had told the BBC’s Andrew Marr Show:

“I think the prospect of linking arms with Nigel Farage and George Galloway and taking a leap into the dark is the wrong step for our country and if Boris and if others really care about being able to get things done in our world then the EU is one of the ways in which we get them done.”

Johnson counters in his Daily Telegraph column:

“We will hear a lot in the coming weeks about the risks of this option; the risk to the economy, the risk to the City of London, and so on; and though those risks cannot be entirely dismissed I think they are likely to be exaggerated. We have heard this kind of thing before, about the decision to opt out of the euro, and the very opposite turned out to be the case… We will be told that a Brexit would embolden Putin, though it seems to me he is more likely to be emboldened, for instance, by the West’s relative passivity in Syria.”

The Mirror says Boris is a “RAT” who has “humiliated his old Eton chum David Cameron”.  It is a “cynical bid to become Tory leader” when Cameron stands down. Cynicism in politics? Never!

Over two more pages, the Mirror says Boris has stuck a “dagger in Cam’s heart”, “heaping humiliations” on the PM.

The Mail agrees. “Boris Johnson dealt a dagger blow to David Cameron,” the paper states at the top of on the front page.

Knife-crime remains rife in Broken Britain.

The Mirror invites Labour stalwart Alan Johnson to write in favour of staying in Europe beneath the headline, “A vote to Remains is the real patriotic choice.”

 

s out 1

 

In the Express, Boris for ‘No’ is a “big boost for the Daily Express crusade”. It is your patriotic duty to vote ‘No’. Boris is “the most popular politician in the country”. He is backing the Express‘ bid to leave the “discredited Union”.

 

boris out

 

The Star says indelible UKIP leader Nigel Farage is having the “last laugh”.  He most likely had the first laugh, too. Farage likes laughing in public, belching that big braying easy-geyser guffaw whenever a camera hones into view.

 

s out 2

 

The Sun says Boris is the “Blond Bombshell”, who has delivered a “massive blow” to Cameron’s vision. It is the “PM’s WORST NIGHTMAYOR”. One page on and David Cameron’s deal with Europe sees him mocked up as “PINOCCHIOEU”.

One thing is clear: Johnson has managed to get the Sun on his side. And when it comes to winning a General Election, that’s no bad thing.

Vote now – and vote often!

 

 

Posted: 22nd, February 2016 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comment (1)


Victoria Beckham is a shop window dummy: photo proof

daily mail victoria beckham no hand

 

Victoria Beckham IS a shop window dummy? The Daily Mail asks the questions that matter.

Posted: 13th, February 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment


Adam Johnson’s a ‘pervert’ – just like Daily Star and Sun readers

adam johnson pervert

 

“Pervert” Premier League “ace” Adam Johnson has been sacked by Sunderland after he pleaded guilty to sex offences with a 15-year-old girl. Johnson who earns £60,000-a-week (Mirror) and £50,000-a-week (Mail) is no longer a Sunderland footballer.

Sunderland have acted quickly. But, then, Johnson’s deal was due to expire in the summer. No transfer fee has been sacrificed.

Johnson is a criminal. That much we know. But the Sun, as the Star yesterday, calls him a “pervert”. He is. But the tabloids don’t mean it to be praise. The Star, owned by Richard Desmond, and the Sun, owned by Sky TV’s Rupert Murdoch, do not exactly frown on perving.

Star readers were yesterday invited to call an incest phone line:

 

daily star sex

 

 

In today’s Sun, readers can call “Hot Girls” for 36p. They can also subscribe to Sky TV and watch late-night telly with naked ‘babes’ simulating sex.

Johnson’s a criminal. If every pervert was, tabloids would set up stalls in Her Majesty’s prisons.

Posted: 12th, February 2016 | In: Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Adam Johnson is guilty but Stacey Johnson is the one on trial

england pervert“PERVERT England Star: I groomed Girl, 15,” runs the Daily Star’s front-page headline. The England star is Adam Johnson, who plays for Sunderland in the Premier League.

The facts come thick and fast. He “groomed and groped” a 15-year-old girl. He earns “50,000-a-week”.  His girlfriend, Stacey Flounders, 26, “the mother of this young daughter”, was at Bradford Crown Court to hear her boyfriend admit “indulging in sexual activity with a schoolgirl on January 30 last year”.

Johnson has played 12 times for England “and scored twice”. He denies two further claims of sexual activity with  the same girl, both involving penetration. All papers bar the Express (10 years) say the maximum sentence if found guilty of all charges is 14 years prison.

Judge Jonathan Rose said the jury must “consider only the evidence” and not be distracted by Johnson’s job. He told the jurors, “You are not allowed to speak to anyone but your number about the case.” Not at home. Not while you read the papers. You must remain as if in a bubble.

The Star adds, “his team are tipped for relegation”. Johnson lives in a “£1.85m home”.

The Mail says Johnson will not play for Sunderland while his trial is underway. The Times gores further, leading its sports section with  question: “Will Adam Johnson ever play football again?”

Do we believe in rehabilitation? Does the Times need to show a picture of Johnson cradling his baby daughter? Do all sex criminals get pictured with their kids? Do we need to know that Flounders wore “a black military blazer, skin-tight black leggings, a pale orange blouse an high heels, and sporting a black Chanel  handbag, she chewed discretely on gum”?

You’d have to be wearing nose plugs not to smell the stench of money and spite. Why is Flounders’ expensive handbag featured on the sports pages? Is the inference that she’s there for the money and not love or family duty? She’s not on trial. Her pathetic boyfriend is.

The Mail’s pictures shows more of Stacey than it does of Johnson.

 

Stacey Flounders

 

Johnson’s job is why he’s news. The story of a 28-year-old man who “kissed” and “touched” a 15-year-old is not a big national news story.

If he is a “pervert”, what of the Star’s readers, who on Page 43 of today’s newspaper are invited to call a sex line to listen to “girls” and “mother and daughter” action? When did incest go mainstream?

 

sex chat adam johnson

 

PS: Adam Johnson is not a role model. The Australian reports on someone keen to tar all men:

Yvonne Traynor, head of Rape Crisis South London, a charity, said: “Adam Johnson premeditatedly groomed a child and admitted sexual activity with her, a young girl whose life has been devastated. Surely Sunderland have a moral obligation to say they do not condone his actions and instead recognise the seriousness of his crime rather than allowing him the opportunity to represent the club and act as a role model for many young men.”

No sane young man sees Johnson’s crimes and thinks him a role model, an inspirational figure to follow and emulate. To suggest men are sex criminals-in-waiting is a weak and ugly argument.

Posted: 11th, February 2016 | In: Back pages, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment (1)


Kelly Brook’s naked skin is like a ‘pink fluffy coat’

Shocking news on Sun favourite Kelly Brook:

 

Kelly BRook naked strip

 

Zoom in to the news that Kelly “strips down to a pink fluffy coat”.

 

Kelly BRook naked strip

 

 

It’s nothing a good session of depilation can’t sort.

Posted: 9th, February 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment


Unbiased Daily Star says owner Richard Desmond’s lottery better than National Lottery

national lottery daily starThe Daily Star leads with National Lottery news. The headline thunders: “Angry Brits Says Balls To ‘No Win’ Lottery!”

Brits are “fuming” at the long odds on winning millions on the lottery. One Daily Star hack reckons he has more chance of getting a raise than he does of winning £10.

One Page 5, readers are told that punters are turning to “lottery tourism”, snapping up tickets in foreign prize draws which offer better odds on winning. “Disgusted players are also switching to other home-grown games,” notes Craig Saunders, “such as the Health Lottery.”

At no point does Craig point out that the Health Lottery is owned by Richard Desmond’s Northern and Shell. You know him – he owns the Daily Star…

Posted: 8th, February 2016 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Kerry Katona give Natasha Hamilton a divorce lawyer as a wedding gift

DUBLIN, IRELAND - FEBRUARY 25: 'Queen of the Jungle' Kerry McFadden poses with a kebab as she receives an honourary Abrakebabra Gold Card which entitles her to free food at the restaurant chain February 25, 2004 in Dublin, Ireland. Colin Farrell & Keith Duffy hold gold cards also. (Photo by ShowBiz Ireland/Getty Images)

 

Kerry Katona, formerly Kerry McPadding, is in the news. The Star reports that the once leading face of supermarket own-brand ketchup is giving Natasha Hamilton a wedding gift. Kerry’s giving away “her divorce lawyer’s number”.

Says Kerry: “I’m not saying they will need it, but if the time comes…”

Very generous, we’re sure. Natasha can surely look for other business cards from Kerry’s collection, such as the one from the agent, should Natasha want to stick her kids on the magic box; the surgeon who recalibrated Kerry on daytime telly – LIVE!; the vet who teamed her up with a huge canape-hungry  squirrel; and the accountant she allegedly assaulted – ok, not him.

Every year’s a paper anniversary from tabloid fodder Kerry. And just as soon as Natasha does something, you can bet Kerry will be in the paper…

 

katonaiceland

Picture 1 of 23

 

 

Posted: 5th, February 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment


We answer the Daily Mail question: ‘Who will speak for England?’

Today’s Daily Mail leads with a question: ‘Who Will Speak for England?’

 

mail

 

The question writer turns to history to see if figures from the past can answer the burning question.

Today the Mail asks a question of profound significance to our destiny as a sovereign nation and the fate of our children and grandchildren. Who will speak for England?

Not him:

It’s a question inspired by one of the most dramatic moments in the history of Parliamentary democracy. The date was September 2, 1939, the day after Hitler invaded Poland. Tory PM Neville Chamberlain had just made an ambivalent statement to the House, proposing no immediate action.

On his backbenches, anti-appeasement stalwart Leo Amery was incensed. As Labour’s deputy leader Arthur Greenwood rose to reply for the Opposition, the Tory MP bellowed across the floor: ‘Speak for England!’
And Greenwood did just that, voicing anger over the premier’s reluctance to honour Britain’s treaty obligations to Poland. Bowing to the mood of the House, Chamberlain declared war on Hitler the next day.

The Mail should realise that all is not lost. Someone might just make a peep for Albion. After all, on January 1934, the Mail was all for Hitler:

 
hurrah for the blackshirts

 

As we cry ‘Let’s Bomb Brussels!’, the article continues:

Nobody is suggesting there are any parallels whatever between the Nazis and the EU.

They are. See above.

Indeed, the Mail would argue that one of the Union’s great achievements, along with Nato, has been to foster peace in Europe.

PEACE! We all vant ein leetle peace! To quote Mel Brookes:

I don’t want war. All I want is peace. Peace. Peace!

A little piece of Poland/ A little piece of France /A little piece of Portugal /And Austria perchance…

But…

But as in 1939, we are at a crossroads in our island history.

What happened to “Nobody is suggesting there are any parallels whatever between the Nazis and the EU”?

For in perhaps as little as 20 weeks’ time, voters will be asked to decide nothing less than what sort of country we want to live in and bequeath to those who come after us.

We want a country of patriots!

 
Who will speak daily mail

 

Another question soon follows:

Are we to be a self-governing nation, free in this age of mass migration to control our borders, strike trade agreements with whomever we choose and dismiss our rulers and lawmakers if they displease us?

Ian Hislop nips in and tells us:

“… the Mail is owned by the Rothermere family. What did your Dad do? The current Lord Rothermere’s father loved Great Britain so much he went to live in France as a tax exile.

“He then passed on the nom-dom status to his son who doesn’t actually pay the normal amount of tax despite owning a newspaper that’s owned through various tax companies in Bermuda.”

 

daily mail

 

Et continue:

Or will our liberty, security and prosperity be better assured by submitting to a statist, unelected bureaucracy in Brussels, accepting the will of unaccountable judges and linking our destiny with that of a sclerotic Europe that tries to achieve the impossible by uniting countries as diverse as Germany and Greece?

Do we want to live in Ibiza?

 

Screen Shot 2016-02-04 at 08.51.23

 

The Mail then bashes the Tories and the BBC.

So we ask again: who will speak for England (and, of course, by ‘England’, like Amery in 1939, we mean the whole of the United Kingdom)?

 

Will Scotland? The Mail thinks the question so burning it asks Scots: “Why do teenage girls send explicit pictures to boys?” Answer: The EU makes them do it.

 
who will speak for england

 

Maybe migrants can speak for England – after all, they love it enough to come here?

With a tsunami of migrants flooding across Europe, can such tinkering with the small print really be enough… here is nothing in Mr Cameron’s draft deal that will make one jot of difference to the numbers pouring in.

Who speaks for England?

 
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Posted: 4th, February 2016 | In: Key Posts, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


John Inman: dead actor dug up and beaten with sticks

inmanTime to toss another dead body on the paedophile police pyre. The People leads with news of a police investigation into the life of the late actor John Inman. Did he “sexually assault a boy” aged 13? Dunno.

But emotions have been stirred. There is “fury”.

Once upon a time, the Sunday tabloids were full of shagging footballers, pimping Duchesses and five-times-a-night bonkers. Now we get allegations made against the dead. The celebs never did stop extra-marital sex. But the tabloids did stop covering them. It’s easier – and cheaper – to go after the dead.

The paper’s story thunders:

Police are investigating claims that the late Are You Being Served? actor John Inman sexually assaulted a 13-year-old boy in 1970s. The iconic TV star, who played camp shop assistant Mr Humphries in the BBC series, is the latest high-profile name to be linked to claims of historic abuse.

One claim and John Inman – innocent in life – is stuffed in the box with Jimmy Savile and Rolph Harris.

When John Inman died in May 2007, the Mirror wrote:

JOHN Inman, star of TV sitcom Are You Being Served?, died in hospital early this morning after a long illness.

The actor (pictured above), 71, died in St Mary’s Hospital in Paddington, west London, at 4am. He had suffered from hepatitis A and had been taken into hospital for tests after problems with his liver.

His manager Phil Dale said: “John, through his character Mr Humphries of Are You Being Served? was known and loved throughout the world. He was one of the best and finest pantomime dames working to capacity audiences throughout Britain. John was known for his comedy plays and farces which were enjoyed from London’s West End throughout the country and as far as Australia, Canada and the USA.”

No word on any crimes. But now:

Detectives confirmed the probe after dad-of-two Peter Grant claimed he was forced to perform sex acts on the star in a hotel room in Torquay, Devon, when he was a schoolboy.

Is it fair that a claim against a dead man who died with an unsullied reputation is front-page news? Anorak’s views are not about the alleged victim’s testimony and claims. They are not for us to decide. This is about how a claim becomes front-page news, and why?

But Inman’s family have branded the investigation a witchhunt and and are worried that ‘all sorts of people will say anything in the wake of the Jimmy Savile scandal’. The much-loved star’s niece, Debra Inman, said: “I’m in total shock. Accusing him of this is just awful. It’s unbelievable, horrendous. You look at all the Jimmy Savile stuff and who is jumping on the bandwagon – people seeing an opportunity. John was a national treasure, a lovely man.”

Nothing screams witchhunt like a front-page splash in the Sunday tabloids.

..according to claims made to Devon and Cornwall police, the actor was a predatory paedophile who used an accomplice to lure Peter Grant, then a 13-year-old, to his hotel room.

Once more, this is not about the veracity of Mr Grant’s claims. The hope is that the justice system apprises the facts and reaches a satisfactory and correct conclusion. This is about the reporting on a single claim being amplified in the media.

This from the police:

“Devon and Cornwall Police are investigating an allegation of historic sexual abuse by two men against a boy in Torquay in 1979. The ­investigation, being led by the Force’s Sexual Offences and Domestic Abuse Team, is at an early stage and therefore it would be inappropriate to comment further.”

It would be. Yes. But Inman’s dead, so speak freely:

Divorced Mr Grant, from Torquay, told the Sunday People : “Inman’s friend said I would be perfect for a role in a play – that was his hook. It was suggested that Inman could help me out with it, but I needed to help him. I don’t think he had any thoughts at all about being found out. He said ‘I’m going to get you a role, but don’t tell anyone about this (the abuse) or I won’t be able to’ “When he died and he was on TV, I was very, very angry.”

Mr Grant says he spent the summer of 1979 using leisure facilities at the Imperial Hotel when he claims he was approached by Inman’s friend.

“He was flashing ­suggestively. I was naive and didn’t really think too much. It was a men’s ­changing rooms and people did get ­naked, so I didn’t really think. He was being complimentary about me and making me feel good. He found out that I was doing some amateur dramatics. He basically just said how good I looked and went on to say would I like to come up to his room and meet John, and that I was perfect for a role in a play. I went up to his room and met him and it was pretty much chit-chat. John Inman started saying how lovely I was and it was suggested that he could help me out with it, but I needed to help him.

“I didn’t realise what it was at the time, but he encouraged me to perform a sex act on him. I had a very sheltered upbringing and I didn’t really understand. It ended and it was, ‘Great to see you, I’ll be in touch about the role’.”

We’re told:

The incident was allegedly repeated at least twice more in the hotel over the next month, each time with Inman’s friend approaching the boy… It is also claimed to have happened a final time in the dressing room of the Princess Theatre. Grant said he was around 16 when he watched porn and recognised what he’d done as a child.

Reactions to the story are encapsulated in the paper’s comments section:

 

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An alleged crime, it’s victim and the dead celebrity become something to debate.

Who needs facts when you have audience participation?

 

Posted: 31st, January 2016 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Rita Ora’s naked breasts are too racy for the tabloids

Rita Ora has posed topless. The X Factor judge and pop star has posed pretty much naked for French magazine Lui. You can see the photos here. But you cannot see them in the Daily Star. And that’s odd because the Star is the only British newspaper to routinely feature a topless stunna on Page 3.

In today’s issue the Star shows Rita Ora’s racy photos but hides her nipples behind cartoon explosions. One day earlier, Star readers got to see “sexy Jess” and her nipples.

Does the Star think Ora’s nipples too much for its readers? It would appear so.

 

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Rita Ora – NSFW:

 

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Posted: 30th, January 2016 | In: Celebrities, NSFW, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester United v The Sun II: paper at club at odds of Van Gaal resignation

LVG quitsThe Sun says Manchester untied manager Louis Van Gaal offered to resign but the Man United board ordered him to stay.

But Manchester United says the Sun’s scoop is balls. On the BBC we read: “Sources have told BBC Sport no such conversation took place.”

But the Sun says it is “understood” the conversation did take place.

This is the second time in under a week the Sun has been contradicted by United. The paper reported that Man United’s reps had met Pep Guardiola at a Paris hotel. United said that was balls.

Either the Sun is writing nonsense, or else the club is lying.

And what, then, of the Mirror’s news?

 

Van Gaal sacked

 

This is not only a fight over Van Gaal’s future – it looks like United dealmaker Ed Woodward is fighting to save his job at United.

Posted: 26th, January 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment