Anorak

Tabloids | Anorak - Part 30

Tabloids Category

The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.

Out to lunch: fire at Dusseldorf refugee camp overcooks small portions

In Dusseldorf, Germany, a refugee camp has burned to the ground. Why?

Daily Star: “FASTING FURIOUS – A refugee camps was burned down by hungry migrants after they missed their Ramadan breakfast. They claimed nobody work them  in time to eat before  beginning their Islamic dawn-to-dusk fast.”

The camp is “home to 280 refugees”

BBC: “Ramadan meal row ‘prompted German fire’ at Duesseldorf shelter”

German investigators “say a group of men who were not fasting had complained that their lunch portions were too small.”

Such are the facts.

Posted: 10th, June 2016 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester United ‘favourites’ to land £78 Pogba who wants Real Madrid

As the summer arrives so too does the newspapers’ obsession with Paul Pogba, the former Manchester United player now starring for Juventus and France.

The Daily Mirror says Manchester United “must” pay £78m if they want Pogba back at Old Trafford. The Mirror says news United manager Jose Mourinho wanted Pogba when he was at Chelsea last season. But Chelsea and Manchester City baulked at the £71m asking price.

The Sun spots the Premier League’s “scramble” for Pogba. The clubs need not bother. The Sun says Pogba’s “dream is to play in La Liga for Real Madrid or Barcelona”.  The Juventus player is “waiting on Spain’s big two before making any decisions”.

Not so says the Manchester Evening News’s Rob Pollard: “Real Madrid, Barcelona, Manchester City and Chelsea have all been linked with him in the last 18 months – but it seems the path has cleared somewhat and United are now clear favourites to land him.”

 

manchester evening news pogba

Manchester Evening News 

 

So United will pay £78m? No, says the Express : “JOSE MOURINHO will offer Matteo Darmian as part of a deal to try and land Paul Pogba.” The deal is Darmian plus £60m cash.  So says the Express, which has also told its readers that Pogba has agreed to join PSG and Barcelona.

 

Pogba Barcelona Man United

 

Such are the facts.

 

Posted: 10th, June 2016 | In: Back pages, Chelsea, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Benteke ‘warns’ and ‘threatens’ Liverpool as Klopp reaches for the bullet

Transfer balls: The Sun says Liverpool’s striker Christian Benteke has “warned” Jurgen Klopp: “Pick me regularly or I’m off.” Benteke has issued a “Kop Threat”.

Klopp must be fretting. Will Benteke, who scored ten goals in 42 games, leave the club unless he gets more chances to score? The Belgian striker started eight league games after German Klopp was appointed Liverpool manager in October 2015,

Will Klopp take kindly to being threatened?

What Benteke said was far from threatening:

“I still have a contract at Liverpool and I’d like to stay there, if I remain in the coach’s plans. If that’s not the case, it will become difficult to stay… When Klopp arrived I saw that I wasn’t in his plans. That was frustrating because I knew that during my first season at Aston Villa he wanted me. But we had several discussions together – I respect and I understand his decisions. I’ll think about if after the Euros.”

Not exactly a warning, then. More resignation that if Klopp doesn’t rate him, he’ll be on his way.

And the Sun has been trailing Benteke’s departure for months.

Jurgen Klopp’s Kop clear-out: Liverpool boss ready to ring the changes at Anfield this summer. German boss wants to overhaul the squad at the end of the season. The main casualty will be Christian Benteke after the £32.5million summer capture from Aston Villa – The Sun, Feb, 2016

Liverpool transfer news: Reds flop Christian Benteke set to be offered lifeline by Italian giants Juventus – The Sun, March 2016

Dean Sturridge reckons Christian Benteke will not be a Liverpool player next season. Uncle of Reds striker, Daniel, claims Belgian is not part of Jurgen Klopp’s plans – The Sun, May 2016

He’s been warned.

Posted: 9th, June 2016 | In: Back pages, Liverpool, Sports, Tabloids | Comments (2)


Daily Mail v Mail Online: Vernon Kay’s vanishing smile

Married Vernon Kay and Tess Daly put on a “show of strength”. The telly twosome “put on a united front as they stepped out for the first time since his latest sexting scandal”. So says the Daily Star.

Kay, the world’s blandest TV presenter, is allegedly “back in contact”, although not literally, with Page 3 stunna Rhian Sugden. There are no allegations the pair have ever met, let alone shagged. Vernon and Rhian’s alleged relationship is all about texting. Whereas we used to get tales of five-time-a-night romps with love rats, tabloid readers now get to read text messages.

Anyhow, This is all news because Kay and Daly were on a night out at Jimmy Carr’s London home. The Sun also spotted Vernon and Tess. They were walking “hand in hand” as they left’s Carr’s house party. They were “all smiles”.

 

vernon kay sex

 

But over in the Mail, the same story is headlined, “The awkward party.” Victoria Ibitoye says, “Daly was not the only one who looked like she would rather be elsewhere”. Daly “looked far from pleased clutching the hand of Vernon Kay”.

 

Tess DAly Rhian

 

But over on the Mail Online, readers enjoy pictures of Daly and Kay over the caption “Going strong: Tess Daly and husband Vernon Kay looked very much a united couple as they held hands while leaving their friend Jimmy Carr’s house party in London on Monday night” and “Smiling: The pair looked extremely happy as they stayed close to one another.”

Was the Mail at two different parties?

Posted: 8th, June 2016 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Chelsea: Dr Carneiro is ‘disgruntled’ but Mourinho is just ‘Jose’

Dr Eva Carneiro turned to the courts when Chelsea failed to take a stand against her co-worker Jose Mourinho, who publicly humiliated her. Having rejected the club’s offer of £1.2 million to shut up and go away, Dr Carneiro continued to sue for justice.

Yesterday she settled her dismissal claim against Chelsea on confidential terms. She had claimed constructive dismissal against Chelsea. In addition she reached a discrimination settlement against Jose Mourinho.

Chelsea said it apologised “unreservedly”for its treatment of its former first-team doctor.

“The club regrets the circumstances which led to Dr Carneiro leaving the club and apologises unreservedly to her and her family for the distress caused. We wish to place on record that in running onto the pitch Dr Carneiro was following both the rules of the game and fulfilling her responsibility to the players as a doctor, putting their safety first.”

Mourinho, who denied calling the medic “daughter of a whore” (she alleged that he did) never issued a public apology. The Chelsea statement merely noted:

“Jose Mourinho also thanked Dr Carneiro for the excellent and dedicated support she provided as first team doctor and he wishes her a successful career.”

But why should Jose says sorry? The Manchester United manager (£15m a year) remains good ol’ Jose in the Mail, whereas the victim is a moody woman who got lucky:

 

dr carneiro sexist

 

Revolting.

Posted: 8th, June 2016 | In: Back pages, Chelsea, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Jamie Vardy Watch: ‘Snubs’ Arsenal, ‘stuns Wenger’, says nothing

vardy snubs arsenal

 

“VARDY SNUBS GUNNERS,” declares the Daily Star. Can it be that Jamie Vardy has gone back on his verbal agreement to join Arsenal?  Jeremy Cross says he will: “Jamie Vardy will snub a £20m move to Arsenal.”

How Cross knows this is unsaid. Readers are just expected to take it as fact. But Vardy has said nothing in public. He has not signed for Arsenal, which means he remains a Leicester City player.

The Sun says “Vardy is a stop Gun”. Charlie Wyett says Vardy will decide on his future after Euro 2016. We’re told that Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger was “stunned when Vardy did not  immediately jump at the move”. Well, if Wenget gets his news in the Sun he must be surprised with Vardy’s circumspection. The Sun told everyone Vardy had his Arsenal medical last weekend and would agree to join Arsenal before the England team flew to France. They flew. Vardy said nothing.

In the Mirror, Vardy has “delayed” his decision to stay or leave Leicester. Vardy wants to “focus on England”. John Cross says Arenal must decide whether to wait for Vardy or go for another striker. Why wold they? The Mirror said Vardy’s agent approached Arsenal. But the Express agrees, writing that Arsenal will look at “alternative targets”. The paper says the Gunners are in a “sweat”. Why would they be? They made an offer. If the offer is not enough they will either offer an improved offer of look elsewhere.

Vardy will either earn more cash at Leiecester with an improved deal, or more cash at Arsenal with a big signing-on fee.

There are problems – and then there are Premier League problems.

Posted: 8th, June 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Arsenal and the mysterious £25m Mahrez bid

Are Arsenal “close” to signing Leicester City star Rihad Mahrez? Yesterday, the Sun had an “exclusive“. It said Arsenal were in for the Premier League’s top player last season. Sadly, the scoop contained not a single fact. In fact, it got the one fact in the story wrong: Vardy has not had an Arsenal medical:

England striker Vardy reportedly having medical today and Premier League-winning Leicester team-mate could join him

Daniel Cutts added:

The Gunners have been shocked that Mahrez’s release clause is so low…

If the Gunners have seen the clause, you might wonder who showed it to them and why?

A few hours later, the Mirror told its readers that Arsenal and Mahrez is a non-starter: “Arsenal are NOT interested in Riyad Mahrez.” John Cross stated, “he will not be moving to the Emirates.”

But the Indy had heard different. “Arsenal transfer news: Gunners in talks to secure Riyad Mahrez transfer in Leicester City double-swoop,” stated Jack de Menezes.  “Arsenal have activated Jamie Vardy’s release clause but are also being linked with his Leicester team-mate Mahrez.”

In talks or linked? Jack merely says he read it in, the, Sun.

As did the Metro’s man in the know, Sean Kearns, who said: “Arsenal clear to sign Riyad Mahrez as Leicester City winger decides to leave the Foxes.” Are Arsenal “clear to sign” the top player because no other club are after him?

It was way back in April that the Mail told us: “Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger rules out move for Leicester City star Riyad Mahrez.”

But today’s Express states: “Arsenal submit £25m Riyad Mahrez bid.” This it know because one Tancredi Palmeri tweeted: ” @tancredipalmeri Arsenal, before bidding for Mahrez, had several meeting with the player’s entourage and the player is open for moving.”

He also tweeted this:

 

Screen Shot 2016-06-07 at 21.07.14

 

There has been no confirmation of Ibrahimovich to Manchester United.

Posted: 7th, June 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment (1)


Jamie Vardy agrees Arsenal move then waits for wounds to heal

Leicester City v Manchester United - Premier LeagueJamie Vardy is in “transfer turmoil,” says the Sun. The paper, which stated Vardy would join Arsenal yesterday, says the Leicester City and England striker is torn between remaining with the Foxes and joining the Gunners.

A “source” says Vardy “does not know” if he will join the Gunners for £120,000-a-week and any bonus form a £20m transfer fee. The paper says Vardy is “prepared” to wait until after the Euros in France to make his decision”.

In the Mail, the advice is “SORT IT VARDY – England manager Roy Hodgson wants decision on star’s Arsenal switch”.

But the Mail notes that the decision has been made, stating that Vardy has “verbally agreed a three-year deal with an option of a further 12 months“. Add to this the Mirror’s claim that Vardy’s agent instigated the Arsenal move and you have player not exactly “in turmoil” and “tormented”, as the Mail’s mind-reading expert Matt Lawton says he is.

Is is really such agony to be deciding between playing for Leicester, the Premier League champions where you are adored, or moving to one of Europe’s biggest clubs for an extra £4o,000 a week? Come on. Vardy must love it. If Vardy has given his word that he will join the Gunners, this waiting for an official announcement looks like a PR job.

Is Vardy the right man for Arsenal?

Ian Wright tells Sun readers “James ticks all the boxes for Arsenal”, save for the bit of the form which says “sign here”. Wright reminds readers he joined Arsenal at 28. Vardy is 29. Wright was magnificent at the Gunners. He says Vardy will be a hit at Arsenal because he’s “clever” and can change his game.

Dave Kidd tells Mirror readers “Vardy to Arsenal makes no sense”. Kidd says it is the “most un-Arsenal transfer move  imaginable, making neither footballing no economic sense.” Vardy is the Football Writers’ player of the year. He is a proven winner. At 29 he is the same age Robin Van Persie was when he joined Manchester Untied and made them title winners. The Arsenal fans will love his work rate and desire to win. But Kidd says Vardy doesn’t score goals the Arsenal way (after lots and lots of passing). He says Vardy will be on the bench as Arsenal’s Plan B.

Stop Press: The Guardian says “Jamie Vardy set to make Arsenal decision after European Championship.”  Or as the Leicester Mercury puts it: “Leicester City transfer news: Vardy decision to come in next few days.” They don’t have the foggiest.

Posted: 7th, June 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Mourinho v Carneiro: Chelsea ‘whores’ and Chelsea ‘girls’

Former Chelsea team doctor Eva Carneiro is at an employment tribunal. Did former Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho call her “daughter of a whore” who was only suited to working with the juniors or the “ladys [sic]”? Mourinho, now at Manchester United, might not care about the ruling. After all, the case hasn’t prevented him from joining Manchester United.

The Times says Carneiro rejected an offer for £1.2m to settle out of court. She claims constructive dismissal against Chelsea. She also claims, in another case, that Mourinho targeted her for sexual discrimination.

You will recall, of course, how this nasty row started last August, when Mourinho, the then Chelsea boss, hurled abuse at Carneiro as she raced onto the pitch to treat Chelsea player Eden Hazard. Mourinho says he yelled “filho da puta” (son of a bitch). She says he yelled “filha da puta” (daughter of a bitch or daughter of a whore).

What Mourinho did say, after Carneiro was banished from the bench, was, “She works in academy team  or lady [sic] team not with me.”

Such are the facts.

And what of the reporting on alleged sexism in football? Well, the Star pretty much carries on regardless. An educated women in her early middle-age is a “girl doc”:

 

DR Eva Carneiro sexism

 

 

Posted: 7th, June 2016 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Daily Mail: Charlemagne toured the Castello di Sammezzano in Tuscany 80 years after his death

Castello di Sammezzano

 

Travel news in the Daily Mail, with Georgia Diebelius. She introduces readers to a stunning Moorish castle built in 1605:

These are the haunting images of an Italian castle that still stands in pristine condition, despite being left abandoned for more than 20 years. The Castello di Sammezzano in Tuscany, Italy, was built in the early 17th century by Spanish nobles and was even visited by Emperor Charlemagne….

Would that be Charlemagne, aka Charles the Great (born late 740s – 28 January 814) or an imposter?

If only there was a resources, some kind of electronic database, for writers to look up facts on…

Posted: 7th, June 2016 | In: Tabloids, The Consumer | Comment


Arsenal transfer balls: desperate Wenger buys Leicester glory

Anyone want to play for Leicester City? As news of Jamie Vardy’s apparently imminent departure to Arsenal fills the news media, the Sun says the Gunners are also keen on Leicester’s Riyad Mahrez.

Vardy has taken his medical at Arsenal, and, one assumes, passed it. It’s not known what the Arsenal medical involves but given their annual injury crisis, it could amount to a man in a white jacket asking he player, “How’s things?” as he rubber stamps the health insurance certificates.

The Sun’s exclusive contains not a single source, quote nor fact to support it.

Over at ESPN, the news is that Mahrez is not an Arsenal priority. The headline states:

Arsenal prioritise Henrikh Mkhitaryan over Riyad Mahrez

Readers are told that “signing Borussia Dortmund’s Henrikh Mkhitaryan is Araenalk’s priority this summer”. Again, readers get no facts. 

Meanwhile, Anorak readers can recalls the Sun’s report from February 2016. The headline ran: “Arsene Wenger reveals he rejected chance to bring Riyad Mahrez to Arsenal because he thought Leicester sensation was too CHEAP.” Mahrez joined Leicester for £400,000.

“We live in a strange society. If I sign a player for £400,000 before he plays people will say, ‘What is that, that is not serious for Arsenal’. If you say we signed a player for £40million they will think he is really good.”

As Wenger treats fans as fools unable to know a good player when they see one, we remind him that Lionel Messi cost Barcelona nothing in transfer fees. And the Barcelona fans are largely happy with his efforts. Every player was cheaper at one point in their careers and looking for a big break. The difference now is that with Wenger towards the end of his career, he’s desperate to win the title and will pay to do so.

Posted: 6th, June 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comments (2)


Transfer Balls: Vardy keeps Arsenal and Leicester waiting for the inevitable

Transfer balls: Has Jamie Vardy told Arsenal he is joining them? The Sun said Vardy told the Gunners of his decision before 11:30am this morning, when he and the rest of the England squad jetted off to France for the Euros.

Why he needed to make his move before the flight left is moot point. surely in France there are mobile phones?

 

Jamie Vardy the sun arsenal

 

The Mail says Vardy never did make the call, declaring: “Jamie Vardy jets off to Euros while still thinking over £20m move to Arsenal as Leicester try to keep star striker.”

Is it all PR, making Vardy look torn? After all, the Mirror claims Vardy’s agent instigated talks with Arsenal. The Mail notes:

Vardy, travelling with England, is not believed to have put a time limit on when he will make a final call and any announcement may take longer than another 24 hours.

The Leicester Mercury adds:

Mercury sources have stated there is no decision imminent as the player has much to contemplate.

After all, the Mail did report:

Leicester hero Jamie Vardy commits future to Premier League champions as he looks forward to competing in Champions League

Surely he’s already made his mind up.  More money in his weekly wage packet plus a huge signing-on fee and life in London with Arsenal.

 

Posted: 6th, June 2016 | In: Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment (1)


Kerching: Kelvin MacKenzie uses Sun column to promote aspokesmansaid.com

Writing in the Sun, Kelvin MacKenzie praises the readers who saved money on their household insurance with a website called aspokesmansaid.com.

 

kelvin mackenzie

 

MacKenzie goes into some detail on how the savings were made.

 

kelvin mackenzie aspokesmansaid.com

 

At no point in the story does Kelvin Mackenzie tell readers that the site was founded by one…Kelvin MacKenzie.

 

aspokesmansaid.com kelvin

kelvin mackenzie aspokesmansaid.com

 

For reasons of space, Kelvin is unable to mention other money-saving websites in this week’s column.

Such are the facts.

 

 

Posted: 6th, June 2016 | In: Key Posts, Money, Tabloids | Comment (1)


Euro 2016: England are well located for trips to dogging site

It’s Euro 2016 and the newspapers are full of fear. Today’s Fear Story is in the Sun, where we learn that the England’s team hotel is next to a dogging site. The Sun says people have had sex in the grounds near the five-star Auberge du Jeu de Paume in Chantilly.

The Sun has seen racy photos posted on a French dogging site. One shows a woman sat by a wall at the  Chateau de Chantilly. She is topless. “Art-loving England manager Roy Hodgson is expected to encourage his squad to visit the chateau which houses masterpieces by Raphael, Delacroix and Poussin.” Some are nudes, maybe.

Roy might care to rouse the troops on Wednesday and Fridays, when, as the Sun says, the doggers convene. The paper even produces a map of the area and adds a picture of former England player and now TalkSport commentator Stan Collymore asking, “What time is kick off?” In 2004, Collymore, reportedly, “confessed to having sex with strangers in car parks – an underground practice known as dogging.”

But dogging can occur in both underground and overground car parks. Dogs go free.

 

 

Posted: 6th, June 2016 | In: Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Transfer balls: Arsenal tipped to beat Liverpool to Vardy before Euros

Arsenal have made a £22m bid for Leicester City’s Jamie Vardy. The Star says the Gunners have offered Vary £120,000 a week, a big hike in his current basic pay of £80,000-a-week.

The Times says West Ham United  have also made a move for Vardy. They are offering £100,000 and a step down from Champions’ League football with Leicester and Arsenal.  Liverpool , have told Vardy he can earn £140,000-a-week at Anfield – a sum Arsenal are willing to match or better.

The Express says Vardy is to join Arsenal in next 24 hours for £20m on a four-year deal. The Mail agrees, saying this is a “shock”. It is. Vardy is 29. Arsenal are not in the habit of investing big money is older players. But with Walcott fading and Welbeck injured, they need a sharp striker with pace.

But Arsenal fans should be war, ads the Times. Manchester City are eyeing Hector Bellerin and Jack Wilshere. Pep Guardiola, the new city manager, fancies the Arsenal players and wants to continue The Citizens habit of Gunners names.

The Times says Bellerin may see his future with Barcelona, for whom he played as a boy, and Wilshere is now down the Arsenal pecking order below – get this – Francis Coquelin. He isn’t. Wilshere is class player who given a long run of matches will surely earn a starting berth in the Arsenal first team.

 

 

 

Posted: 4th, June 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Broadsheets, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Transfer balls: Manchester United offer £48m for £75m Pogba, who joined Chelsea for £69m

pogba manchester unitedTransfer balls: Manchester United want to invest £60m in Paul Pogba, the France and Juventus midfielder once on United’s books. The Sun says Jose Mourinho has “sanctioned the bid”.

The only things standing between United and Pogba are: Juventus trying to trigger a bidding war for their star player; Barcelona; United’s failure to appear in next season’s Champions’ League; Barcelona; any other big team with pots of cash; Manchester City; the fact that the bid is actually £48m plus bonuses, which values him less than Manchester City paid for Raheem Sterling; and did we mention Barcelona?

On the plus side, the Sun “understands” that Pogba likes Mourinho and his plan to make United “great again”.

Of course, we have read news of Pogba’s movements before in the Sun. There was the time he was joining Chelsea:

CHELSEA have agreed a stunning £69million deal to sign Juventus’ Paul Pogba. – August 2015 

PAUL POGBA is ready to snub Manchester City and extrend his deal with Juventus. The Frenchman is wanted by a host of top clubs but would come with a huge £75million-plus price tag. – March 2016

Paul Pogba ready to snub Manchester United, Real Madrid and Manchester City as he aims to cement his legacy at Juventus – May 2016

CHELSEA are in constant contact with Juventus star Paul Pogba over a possible £76million transfer – May 2016

Manchester United target Paul Pogba ‘buys house in Barcelona’ as Jose Mourinho looks set to miss out on Juventus star – June, 2016

Such are the facts.

Posted: 3rd, June 2016 | In: Back pages, Chelsea, Manchester City, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Transfer balls: Ilkay Gundogan agrees Manchester City move (Arsenal and Manchester United disagree)

Transfer balls: Manchester City and not Manchester United are “set to sign” Ilkay Gundogan, says the Times. New Man City manager Pepe Guardiola has learnt much from his time at Germany’s all-consuming Bayern Munich, where the club’s recruitment policy hinges on buying the best players from the Bundesliga’s second best team, Borussia Dortmund. (Bayern have just agreed to take on Dortmund captain Mats Hummels.)

Gundogan, 25, is expected to join Manchester City for £20m. Although the Star says the figure is £30m. And there is the Mirror, which says Ilkay Gundogan is “set for a Jurgen Klopp reunion” at Liverpool. Klopp, of course, was Gundogan’s manager at Dortmund.

Of course this is Transfer Balls, a look at dire reporting in the mainstream media. We spare a thought for the Express readers told that Gundogan has signed for Arsenal and Manchester United.

 

Gundogan agrees Arsenal

 

Gundogan agrees Man United

 

Over in the Star, however, Gundogan plays for Bayern Munich:

 

Gundogan Bayern agrees

 

Posted: 2nd, June 2016 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Manchester City, Sports, Tabloids | Comment (1)


Transfer balls: Chelsea and Man United in race to stop Arsenal getting Morata (again)

Transfer balls – a look at iffy reporting in the mainstream media. News is that Arsenal are still after Alvaro Morata.

The Mirror says “Arsenal and Chelsea could go head to head in the race to sign 23-year-old Juventus striker Alvaro Morata.” So only two clubs are in for the striker. It is a head-to-head race.

The Mirror adds:

Alvaro Morata has sparked an auction between Arsenal and Chelsea after admitting he believes the Premier League would be a “great destination.”

Or as the player wanted by PSG (source: The Mirror) and who has an agreement to re-sign for Real Madrid should they want him says:

 “Hopefully everything will be resolved before then, because it is uncomfortable to be helping your country with phone in hand. My wish is to succeed in Madrid… There are some offers from England that are tempting, not only because of the contract. I think my characteristics mean the Premier League would be a great destination.”

If Real don’t want him, then maybe he’ll look to the PL. It’s a head-to-head-to-head race – and one club has a massive head. As Spain’s AS put it:

Alvaro Morata wants a return to Real Madrid

In other news:

The Evening Standard and Manchester Evening News saysManchester United have added their head to the race – and United have a real bighead in charge:

 

Morata Manchester United

 

Morata Manchester United

 

 

And the Liverpool Echo say Liverpool want him:

 

Screen Shot 2016-06-01 at 16.02.48

 

Of course, Morata already plays for Arsenal. The Daily Star told us that:

 

Morata Arsenal

 

Such are the facts.

Posted: 1st, June 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Chelsea, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Liam Fee murder: evil lesbian killer monsters are just like men

liam feeRachel Telfa, 31, and Nayomi Fee, 29, murdered their two-year-old son, Liam Fee, by beating him to death in March 2014. The couple were in a civil partnership. Telfa was the child’s birth mother. Both women denied killing Liam. There is every chance they still think they did nothing wrong. Indeed, as Trelfa was found guilty of murdering her son, she mouthed “I did not”. The tabloids report:

Daily Mirror (front page): “MOTHERS OF ALL EVIL”

That’s an odd headline given that the women were the mothers not of evil, rather an innocent child.

Page 4-5: “NOW CAGE THEM”

Well, that seems likely. The women – or one of them; the court could not decide which – hit Liam so hard in the abdomen his heart  ruptured. Fee and Telfa tried to pin the blame on a six-year-old boy, one of two boys other than Liam who seem to have been living with the couple in Fife, Scotland. The women were found guilty of abusing the two other boys, including keeping one in a cage, forcing them to eat dog poo and vomit, and mentally torturing them. Fee told one she had killed his father with a drill she kept to castrate young boys.

In order to implicate the innocent boy in Liam’s murder, Fee shoved his hands into the dead’s boy’s mouth to leave traces of his DNA on the corpse. When paramedics arrived she told them Liam had been strangled by the other child.

We then get to know more of the killers’ lives. The Mirror says the women got drunk “and watched Shameless on TV”. It wasn’t all bad telly because the paper says Telfa kept a horse at riding stables. We get the lowlights, but the normality escapes reporting. It is the ordinary that helped mask their crimes.

In Voice of The Mirror, the women are labelled “monsters”. They are not. They are human beings. That’s what makes them terrifying.

The paper than tries to make some point. It says the killers “demonstrated sadistic women can be as depraved as violent men”. Why not violent women and sadistic men? Why is this even worth saying? The story has nothing to do with men behaving badly. Indeed, the only men to feature in it are the judge who found the women guilty and Liam’s father, Joseph Johnson, 33, who “sobbed uncontrollably” in court.

 

Rachel Trelfa RAchel Fee

Rachel Trelfa

The Sun (Page 9): Tortured to death”

Liam was killed my his mum and “her lesbian partner”. He had more than 30 injuries, including “two broken legs and fractured arms”. As they were found guilty, the women “showed no emotion”. But the Times said Trelfa spoke out.

The Sun says the innocent 6-year-old framed for the killing “initially admitted he had strangled” Liam. It was only under questioning by police that the whole story came out. The child – not social services – cracked the case. He said Fee would make him lies on the floor. She’d place his foot on his next until he passed out. She beat him often.

Daily Express (Page 21): ” Lesbian loves face life for savage murder of Liam, 2″

The killers’ sexual orientation is to the fore. Sadly, the facts are less certain from there. The Express says the boy bullied into claiming he had killed Liam is age 7.  Fee told one boy she killed his father not with a drill, as the Sun claims, rather with a “saw”. Fee and Trelfa are not merely “lovers”, they are a married couple, tying the knot in 2012.

 

Nyomi Fee

Nyomi Fee

 

Daily Mail (Page 6-7): “Lesbian couple battered son, 2, so brutally his heart ruptured”.

The Mail places the State in the dock:

Horrific failings by social services were exposed yesterday as a mother and her civil partner were found guilty of murdering her two-year-old son.

Liam was failed.

Karen Pedder, a manager with Fife Council, told the court a caseworker had been assigned to investigate reports of abuse after the concerns were first raised in January 2013.
But a social worker and a police officer sent to visit the family had accepted the ‘plausible explanation’ given that he had simply bumped his head. The social worker who had been dealing with Liam’s case then went off sick in April and it was not looked at again until the nursery got in touch in June, she said.
During cross-examination, Rachel Fee’s defence counsel Brian McConnachie asked: ‘What seems to have happened here is basically, as far as Liam is concerned, this case just went off the radar?’

Mrs Pedder replied: ‘It did. Yes.’ She said a case would normally be reviewed after about four weeks, but this had not happened.

Hideous stuff. And what also hurts is that Liam Johnson was renamed Liam Fee, forced to carry the name of his abuser. Our thoughts must be with his father.

Posted: 1st, June 2016 | In: Key Posts, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment (1)


Top Gear: Chris Evans’ debut by numbers

Facts about the new series of Top Gear are coming thick and thicker. The show’s resident ringmaster, DJ Chris Evans – doesn’t it all look a lot like when Top of The Pops introduced balloons, dancing and par-tee atmosphere ?- tweeted some facts of this own:

The new Top Gear is a hit. OFFICIALLY. 23% audience share. 12% MORE than the opening episode of the last series. These are the FACTS.

Top Gear audience grew throughout the hour. FACT. Won its slot. FACT. Still number one on i Player. FACT. These are THE FACTS folks.

More facts:

The last series, featuring Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond, averaged 6.4 million viewers – Guardian

The BBC Two show drew 4.4 million viewers, with a peak of 4.7 million, while the last series hosted by Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May bowed out with 5.8 million viewers. – Mirror

The first outing from Evans and LeBlanc failed to reach the lofty heights of five million that the Radio 2 DJ was hoping for and even worse missed out by a fair margin on Jeremy Clarkson ‘s last ever show which scored 5.3million.

Over the last ten years Top Gear has aired, with at least two series per year, the lowest viewing figures Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond had for their opening episode was 4.75million in May 2006. – Mirror

“If we had to guess about the number of viewers we are going to get on Sunday night, you have got to say you would be disappointed if it was under 5 million. Five million-plus would be great, after that it doesn’t matter,” said Evans before the show – Telegraph.

Meanwhile, Top Gear lost its regular title of being Sunday night’s most watched show to Countryfile, which peaked at 5.3million viewers and had an impressive 27% share of viewers. – The Sun

All in all it was TV by committee.

Posted: 31st, May 2016 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment


Harambe the gorilla named in child abuse allegations

harambe gorilla

 

More news on Harambe, the gorilla at Cincinnati zoo who died for our sins. The Mirror leads with a statement punctuated to look like a question: “Proof the gorilla was trying to protect the boy?” That question mark won’t show up on Google searches, so lots of people campaigning for Harmabe’s “murderers” to be tried in court and the boy’s mother, Michelle Gregg, to be punished, will see it as evidence they are right.

On the ridiculous and shrill Justice for Harambe petition, kind hearts want Michelle in prison and the child ripped from the family home:

It is believed that the situation was caused by parental negligence and the zoo is not responsible for the child’s injuries and possible trauma. We the undersigned want the parents to be held accountable for the lack of supervision and negligence that caused Harambe to lose his life. We the undersigned feel the child’s safety is paramount in this situation. We believe that this negligence may be reflective of the child’s home situation. We the undersigned actively encourage an investigation of the child’s home environment in the interests of protecting the child and his siblings from further incidents of parental negligence that may result in serious bodily harm or even death. Please sign this petition to encourage the Cincinnati Zoo, Hamilton County Child Protection Services, and Cincinnati Police Department hold the parents responsible.

The Mirror has no idea what Harambe was and was not thinking. Yesterday, the same paper told readers Harambe was “violently pulling the boy” who had fallen into his pen. If Harambe was a child minder, and we are to treat dumb animals as human beings, affording them the same legal rights as so many demand in online petitions and twitter, Harambe stands accused of child abuse. That gorilla’s a beast.

On Page 9, the Mirror says “Harambe was holding the boys’s hand… responding to Isaiah’s frightened cry”. Only when we reach paragraph 11 are we told that Isaiah was “dragged around the enclosure’s moat”.

 

harambe gorilla

 

The Mail also loads the dice against humanity, leading with another question: “Was this gentle giant trying to protect boy he took by the hand.” In other words, was Harmabe behaving like a caring human being? No. Harambe was a massive gorilla. He is kept in a cage surrounded by water, less to protect him from human being than to protect us from him.

Simon Barnes tells us: “Death seems a harsh punishment for a chance encounter with a naughty child.” Barnes says humans share 95% of our genes with gorillas, who “seem to have the capacity to experience emotions we think of as human.”

Facts:

It is very difficult to find reliable data comparing the human genome to animal genome. The principal reason is that few animals have had their full genome sequenced. Even those that have cannot be easily compared in terms of percentages because the genomic length and chromosomal division can vary greatly from one species to another.

– Cats have 90% of homologous genes with humans, 82% with dogs, 80% with cows, 79% with chimpanzees, 69% with rats and 67% with mice. (source)

– Cows (Bos taurus) are 80% genetically similar to humans (source)

– 75% of mouse genes have equivalents in humans (source), 90% of the mouse genome could be lined up with a region on the human genome (source) 99% of mouse genes turn out to have analogues in humans (source)

– The fruit fly (Drosophila) shares about 60% of its DNA with humans (source).

– About 60% of chicken genes correspond to a similar human gene. (source)

Barnes adds: ” The ungorilla-like noises of the terrified child  in Cincinnati might have confused Harambe and contributed to his ambiguous response to  this difficult situation.”

To recap: Harambe did not call 911, 111, nor 999. But had he had his phone and a pocket to keep it in, he might have called for help. Maybe.

 

Posted: 31st, May 2016 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester United footballer and the not secret ‘secret baby’

The Daily Star leads with news of a Manchester United “Star Love Rat’s Secret Baby”. The star love rat is Marcos Rojo, whose secret baby is being carried by his, er, wife Eugenia Lusardo. She kept the “secret” by posting a posting a baby scan photo online.

 

daily star MArcos Rojo baby

 

The Star’s hook is that married Rojos once obtained an injunction against a woman he’d shagged, one Sarah Watson, from telling her story. That was overturned. She told her story and aside form the injunction element, we yawned at it.

Instead of news of a extra-martial sex by a famous face who milks his family man credentials for profit and fame, we get legal wrangling and Marcos Rojo, a footballer with the celebrity profile and news value of a spoon.

Posted: 31st, May 2016 | In: manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Higuain Watch: striker demands Chelsea, wants Liverpool, shuns Manchester United, signs for Arsenal, moves nowhere

Transfer balls: every summer a familiar platoon of players feature in tabloid stories telling of their imminent moves to the Premier League. One of that number is Gonzalo Higuain, who, as you will recall, signed for Arsenal on July 6 2013. Well, so said the Sun

 

higuain-arsenal the sun transfer

 

For anyone who missed that scoop, the good news is that the story of Higuain to Arsenal still features as fact on the Sun’s website.

ARSENAL last night smashed their transfer record when they agreed a £23million fee for Real Madrid striker Gonzalo Higuain… Higuain, 25, has been given permission by Madrid to fly to London following weeks of negotiations. And boss Arsene Wenger has made it clear he wants the powerful goalscorer on board when Arsenal head for their tour of the Far East next Thursday.

The deal, which has been confirmed by the player’s father Jorge, comes as a huge relief for Wenger… The Gunners’ previous biggest signing was the £16.5million they paid to sign Santi Cazorla from Malaga last summer and propels the club back into the big time. Now Wenger wants to build on Higuain’s imminent arrival by pressing ahead with negotiations for Wayne Rooney and Julio Cesar… Wenger believes that the capture of Higuain will convince other world-class stars to join.

And so to todays news in the Mirror that Higuain, who plays for Napoli, has made a “plea” to join Liverpool.

“The former Real Madrid striker, who has attracted interested [sic] from Arsenal previously, is  keen to come to the Premier League would would like to play under Kop boss Jurgen Klopp.”

 

Higuain Liverpool

 

So. It’s Higuain to Liverpool. Or not. These other news facts from the Sun:

 

Higuain Chelsea

 

May 4: “Chelsea target Gonzalo Higuain wants £42million move to the Bridge… but only if Diego Costa leaves”

 

Higuain Manchester United

May 22, 2016: Higuain not move to Chelsea, Manchester Untied nor any other Premier League club.

Manchester United and Chelsea dealt massive blow as Gonzalo Higuain will NOT be making a Premier League switch in the summer

More on Higuain to come…

 

Posted: 30th, May 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Liverpool, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Liverpool balls: Nathaniel Clyne didn’t say England’s defence is a ‘major weakness’

Clyne liverpool

 

DID Liverpool’s Nathaniel Clyne “admit” that England’s defence, in which he plays, is a “weakness”? The Mirror says he did, thundering: “Clyne admits ‘defence is a weakness”.

John Cross begins his story by telling readers more about the Liverpool player: “Clyne has admitted England’s defence is a major ‘weakness’.”

This is what Clyne actually said: “We analyse the  games and we see where we can do better. We can definitely do better defensively . It shows us our weaknesses.”

He didn’t say the England defence “is a weakness”. He said the players can be better and are working hard to reduce errors.

More of what Clyne said appears on Sky Sports:

“There are players fighting for positions all over the pitch when they get an opportunity to show what they can do and that is healthy. I think it is good as it keeps everyone on their toes and keeps everyone fighting for positions – everyone wants to be hungry and has a determination to get themselves into the squad… England have a strong team and hopefully they can do well at the tournament.”

Clyne and Spurs’  Kyle Walker are battling to be England’s first-choice right-back.

Posted: 30th, May 2016 | In: Back pages, Liverpool, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Murdering Harambe the gorilla is a sign of God’s love for Isaiah and mankind

Harambe gorillaFor a brief period, Harambe, the 400lb silverback gorilla, had a playmate in his Cincinnati Zoo pen. Harambe dragged his pal, a four-year-old boy who had fallen into the enclosure, to his feet and then showed him around for ten minutes. The boy called for his “mommy”. From above, his mother replied, “Mommy’s right here. Mommy loves you.”

Deciding that a huge gorilla was not a suitable playmate for the young child, zookeepers thought it best to shoot Harambe dead. So they did. The boy was taken to hospital, where he is said to be in a “serous condition”.

On twitter, Brian May the Queen guitarist, was keen to know more, asking,”Why was the gorilla murdered?” It turns out that May is more moralist than zoologist, ending his question with a series of statements, “No trial – no reason. No excuse. Who will prosecute?”

We’d suggest a  kangaroo court, of which May seems to be a founding member.

Others are less antagonist. The Daily Star says the the gorilla was shot to save the child, who will “make a full recovery”.

The Sun says the “28stone” gorilla was trying to protect the child. And it could be argued he was doing a better job of it than the aforementioned “neglectful” mommy. But, then, surely that is to place the animal on a higher plinth to a human being. To think the child was in no danger requires a leap of fancy. Do we know how a gorilla thinks any more than we do a bat or a frog? A mother and a child we can reason with. A huge gorilla speaks a different language, and when the conversation lulls, Harmabe has massive arms and teeth to support his argument.

In the Mirror, where the story is front-page news and the gorilla is “violently pulling the boy”, Harambe, now boosted to “30-stone”, illustrates the story “Miracle of the Gorilla Boy“. Wow, indeed. The boy falling, his rescue and the slaying of Harambe are all signs of god’s love. Take that May. It’s what god wanted. Divine wonders slew the beast and saved Isaiah, which we’re told the boy is called.

Like Isaiah of old, little Isaiah teaches us to stay on the right path, lest we fall by the wayside or into a gorilla’s lair and cause the loveable critter to be shot dead.

Amen.

Posted: 30th, May 2016 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comment