Anorak

Tabloids | Anorak - Part 30

Tabloids Category

The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.

Transfer balls: Manchester United, Ronaldo and the vanishing facts

Transfer balls: Is Cristiano Ronaldo, hero of Real Madrid, scorer of the decisive penalty as Real won their 11th European Cup, heading to Manchester United to play in the Europa League?

No, says the Mirror’s Ed Malyon on May 27:

Manchester United’s long-term interest in Cristiano Ronaldo would hit the buffers were Jose to be hired. Their relationship soured hugely at Real Madrid and, with Paris Saint-Germain having pursued him for so long and so persistently, the move to Ligue 1 would make the most sense

Yes, says the Sun’s Neil Ashton on May 23:

The budget is so big this summer that United already have their beaks into Cristiano Ronaldo, yet again. Real Madrid have quoted £80million for the winger. Meet that and Ronnie returns. Mourinho’s frosty relationship with Ronaldo, exposed at Real Madrid, will be set aside if the deal is done.

That Ronaldo news follows other Sun news from April:

Cristiano Ronaldo’s agent sensationally agrees verbal deal for former Manchester United superstar to leave Real Madrid and join Paris Saint-Germain

To which Simon Rice tells Indy readers on May 27:

Cristiano Ronaldo rules out Manchester United return despite Jose Mourinho arrival

Which brings us to the trusty BBC, which says on May 28:

Jose Mourinho’s Manchester United XI – Bale, Ronaldo, Pogba, Zlatan?

No. No. Maybe – but why? No.

Posted: 29th, May 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Jamie Vardy and ‘brassy’ Becky are no classy Charles and Camilla: a Daily Mail hatchet job

Compare and contrast the Daily Mail’s reporting on Becky Nicholson’s wedding to Leicester City and England footballer Jamie Vardy and Camilla Parker Bowles marriage to Prince Charles.

Alison Boschoff and Andy Dolan write on the Becky-Jamie alliance:

The most brazen WAG of all: Three children by three dads. A fling with Peter Andre. No wonder England football hero Jamie Vardy’s parents won’t be at his wedding…

For Vardy’s mother Lisa and stepfather Phil — who has raised him since he was a baby — will not be there because they do not approve of their son’s choice of wife, a glossy, risque brunette named Becky Nicholson…

So, what’s the problem? Well, perhaps it has something to do with the fact that Becky, who will be gliding down the aisle in a £5,000 traditional white dress, is anything but a blushing bride. For she has not only been married once before as a teenager, but has also gone on to have two children by two other men….

As is perhaps customary when a high-profile footballer makes it official with a WAG, Hello! magazine will be in attendance, with its sizeable chequebook and security retinue…

Since Jamie’s rise to fame she has kept her colourful mouth shut, except when there is a cheque in it for her.

 

jamie vardy hello

In this week’s tawdry Hello! mag – “Prince Harry is a great guy!”

 

Now enjoy “Charles and Camilla: Married at last“. Charles, who may recalls was cheating on his wife, Princess Diana, with married mum-of-two Camilla. Charles once expressed a desire to be Camilla’s tampon. Cheating Charles, heir apparent and with it a defender of the faith and good morals, had a civil ceremony with Cheating Camilla, and then scored a televised Anglican blessing by the Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, at St George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle. Charles’s parents did not attend the marriage ceremony.

Charles and Camilla were in the ancient surroundings of St George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle, for the service, conducted by the Archbishop of Canterbury in front of more than 700 guests. Earlier they had married in more humble surroundings in the Windsor Register Office, with just 28 guests but without the Queen or the Duke of Edinburgh.

The Duchess of Cornwall changed into a porcelain blue silk dress with hand painted ikat design, hand embroidered with gold thread work, for the blessing of her marriage this afternoon.

The designers’ starting point was the Duchess’s comment that she liked the style of the velvet dress they had designed for her to wear for the gala night at the Royal Opera House…

At the reception, the Duchess wore a court shoe with a soft point toe and a 5.5cm heel in pale grey shot silk…

She carried a small, simple elegant floral bouquet bound with silk from her dress. Auricular flowers in dusty shades of greys and creams with touches of gold had been mixed with clusters of Lily of the Valley both for the scent and the sentiment…

The flowers were cut from English plants later to be grown in the gardens at Highgrove. A sprig of myrtle, representing happy marriage, was sent from a well wisher in Cornwall for the bouquet.

And what colour dress did chaste Camilla wear to that civil wedding to the down-at-heel Prince?

 

Camilla Charles wedding dress

 

Good job Camilla’s not like that Becky. But if she wants to get the “brassy” look, the Mail is here to help her. Below photos of  Becky in her undies – “Blushing bride: Rebekah appeared in a downmarket newspaper modelling ‘wedding lingerie’ (pictured)” – the Mail offers readers the chances to “GET THE LOOK” and “Say ‘I do’ like Becky in bridal lingerie”:

 

BEcky Nicholson wedding

 

It’s not about money, readers. No. It’s about class…

 

Posted: 29th, May 2016 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Reviews, Royal Family, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Without his perfume Jose Mourinho will fail at Manchester United

jose mourinho perfume

 

What does new Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho smell like? The Star reports on “Chelsea’s ban on Jose aftershave”. In the changing room, yes. Unsettling for new Chelsea manager Antonio Conte to contend with the Portuguese winner’s legacy without picking up his essence as John Terry splashes the masking Jose for Him and Her all over (spoiler alert: Revenge by Jose smells of top notes of silver polish over base notes of bile, pith and whicker basket).

This story turns to the essence not of Jose’s scraped and diffused bed linen, rather to the story of who owns what in football. Do Chelsea or Manchester United own the rights to sell Jose Mourinho perfumes, suntan lotions, toothpaste, mouthwash, lipstick and nail polish? Which of Chevrolet (sponsors of Man United) and Jaguar (sponsors of Jose Mourinho) get to market the official in-car scent?

And can you ever own someone if you don’t possess their smell?

After all, in Patrick Süskind’s Perfume: The Story of a Murderer the killer who smelled of nothing “succeeded in being considered totally uninteresting… Odors have a power of persuasion stronger than that of words, appearances, emotions, or will. The persuasive power of an odor cannot be fended off, it enters into us like breath into our lungs, it fills us up, imbues us totally. There is no remedy for it.” Scent is “the invincible power to command the love of mankind.”

Get the smell of Jose or get nothing.

Meanwhile, at Chelsea, Conte may care to invest in odor-eaters for all staff, install a wet basset hound in the Chelsea dugout and refrain from washing his hair for months.

 

Posted: 28th, May 2016 | In: Back pages, Chelsea, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Now Watch: Daily Express recycles EU kettle news

kettles EU Express ban

 

Long ago, we kept up a feature called Now Watch, a look at instances of “NOIW” in front-page news headlines. Today we revisit the meme with a look at the Daily Express front-page laments: “NOW EU WANT TO BAN OUR KETTLES.”

Stopping just short of hailing the death of the Great British Kettle (made in Germany), the Express is at least prove that the boiler is reusable, having earlier thundered in 2014: “NOW KETTLES FACE EU BAN.”

Now, then, now, then…

Posted: 28th, May 2016 | In: Politicians, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester United: Jose Mourinho’s Chelsea image rights in detail

In March 2005 Chelsea secured the legal rights to Jose Mourinho’s trademark for 20 years. This means that should Manchester United hire Mourinho, a move that seems as certain as Katie Price sleeping on her back, the Red Devils will be unable to stick their new manager’s name on such items as teddy bears, aftershave, computer games and all manner of tat. But how important is the Jose moniker?

In an “exclusive”, the Times says Chelsea’s ownership of the Mourinho trademark “will not delay his appointment at Old Trafford”.

 

Jose image rights Manchester United Times Chelsea

 

Or as the Mirror puts it: “Jose Mourinho’s appointment as Manchester Untied  manager is being delayed because Chelsea still own his signature.”

Not so, say the Times, which states: “Until recently Mourinho’s former employers [Chelsea] also owned the rights to reproduce his signature, but that ten-year trademark expired earlier this year…”

The Mirror then says United “face a six-figure bill to secure the rights to his signature and name”.

The Times says Chelsea could demand “several million pounds”.

The Sun says United will have to “£1million -plus” to use the name Jose Mourinho on merchandise.

 

Jose image rights Manchester United Mirror Chelsea

The Mirror – not an exclusive but not all correct, either

 

The Mail says the 20-year licence Jose signed with Chelsea in 2005 expires in, er, 2013. That Mail says it’s between 2013 and 2015. The Times says it’s 2025.

 

Jose image rights Manchester United Mail Chelsea

The Mail wonders about timing

 

Such are the facts.

Posted: 26th, May 2016 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Chelsea, manchester united, Money, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Transfer balls: Gotze wants Liverpool, Gotze snubs Liverpool

In March, Liverpool were “confident of signing Mario Gotze”. So said the Guardian. Gotze has played for Jurgen Klopp at Borussia Dortmund, before he left the second best team in Germany for more money and silverware at the best team in Germany, Bayern Munich. The Guardian added that Gotze was “understood to be keen on a reunion with Jurgen Klopp”.

Gotze “is keen on a move away from the Allianz Arena despite the impending arrival of Carlo Ancelotti as Pep Guardiola’s replacement… The combination of a fresh start away from Bayern plus renewing acquaintances with Klopp is believed to appeal to the Germany international.”

The Express agreed:

Liverpool Gotze

 

Liverpool Gotze klopp

 

The Metro also agreed: “Liverpool are clear to sign Mario Gotze as he is not in Bayern Munich’s plans for next season.”

And the Star added:

 

Screen Shot 2016-05-24 at 21.18.53

 

On May 21, the Sun stated that Liverpool were “close to landing £20million World Cup winner Mario Gotze”. The deal would be done in “the next few days”.

And so it is that today the Mirror declares: “Gotze snubs Kop – Gotze has pledged his future to Bayern Munich.”

 

Liverpool Gotze klopp 1

 

Words from Gotze, Bayern and Liverpool in all reports mentioned above: nil.

Posted: 24th, May 2016 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Liverpool, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Daily Mail scare stories: antibiotics and depression

depression antibiotics

 

It’s Health Tuesday in the Mail. Scare Story highlights are:

Page 47: “Just one court of antibiotics may raise risk of depression.” The thinking is if you take antibiotics, you cause in imbalance in bugs in your guts which upsets your brain cells’ ability to communicate.

You might have read the same tory in 2015, when it appeared on a website as, “Antibiotic exposure associated with increased risk for depression, anxiety.”

But what of one courts of antibiotics making you depressed?

Exposure to antibiotics was not associated with a change in risk for psychosis. A single course of antifungals was associated with a mild increase in risk for depression and anxiety, however, there was no increased risk with repeated exposures.

In The Gut Microbiome and the Brain, Leo Galland has more:

No, antibiotics do not directly cause panic attacks.

They can, however, exacerbate symptoms in those who already have anxiety disorders.

There has been a wealth of research in the recent years connecting gut bacteria to mental processes. This connection is aptly named the “gut-brain axis.” Antibiotics are prescribed to get rid of bacterial infections. Unfortunately, most antibiotics don’t just kill the bad bacteria, they kill the healthy bacteria living in your gut. This healthy bacteria has a lot of different functions, one being to line the gut and basically reinforce its “walls.” They can also influence neurotransmitters.

When you destroy these bacteria, it makes sense that you may notice a bodily change. This could be intestinal distress or mood changes. In scientific studies “germ-free” mice, or those without gut bacteria, are more reactive to stress than non-germ-free (normal) mice. It’s important to remember this is a mouse study, not a human study. It can give some important clues, but might not be the whole picture.

In short, antibiotics will not induce a panic attack, but may increase reactivity, making it more likely that a person prone to panic attacks will feel anxious. This can possibly turn into a panic attack, but with an established treatment regimen, it can be avoided.

You can read the the research first-hand here.

 

Posted: 24th, May 2016 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Transfer balls: Vardy can join Manchester United for £20m, Chelsea for £25m and everyone for £30m

Jamie Vardy transfer

 

Jamie Vardy might not be at Leicester City next season. The newspapers reason that any top player, which Vardy certainly is, will want to play for a bigger club. All newspaper overlook the fact that Leicester City are champions and the only English club worthy of so-called Champions’ League football. Why leave?

Well, in today’s Daily Mail, Laurie Whitwell says Vardy’s Leicester contract contains a £20m release clause. hat “cut-price fee” has attracted interest from Manchester United, Manchester City and West Ham.

But Sky says Vardy’s contract contains NO release clause. The Indy says he does, and it’s £30m. The Star says the clause is £25m (The Standard agrees) , and he’s off to Chelsea.

Such are the facts.

 

Posted: 24th, May 2016 | In: Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment (1)


Transfer balls: Manchester United hire Mourinho, Ibrahimovich and the fear factor

So José Mourinho is the new Manchester United manager. Well, so say all the newspapers. The Guardian says the former Chelsea manger – twice-sacked by the Blues – will be handed £150m to spend and will first target Everton’s John Stones. Sounds good. Man United need defenders and wingers.

The Star says Mourinho has £200m and his number one target is Zlatan Ibrahimovich. Why? They have Anthony Martial and Marcus Rashford. Why buy a player who will bock the talented Frenchman and the English tyro’s path? Will Jose just buy big to win big, farming youth out on loan?

The Star says Mourinho will sign a three-year deal worth £10m a year. The Mail says Jose’s Manchester Untied’s contract is £75m for five years, but does agree that he has £200m to spend on a new team. Inevitably one newspaper – the Mirror – calls the transfer kitty a “war chest”.

The Express says he has £300m.

The Mail adds that mid-way through this season, United paid the Portuguese £4m not to take another job. The Times says United deny making any payment.

The Sun says Mourinho’s arrival will trigger Ryan Giggs to leave Old Trafford. It also marks the end of Louis Van Gaal’s United stint. The Times says the Dutchman will leave with a bitter taste in his mouth and a sweet £5.4m in compensation.

As for the future, well it will interesting. One thing is certain: with Mourinho in charge, Manchester United will win back the fear factor.

Posted: 23rd, May 2016 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Madeleine McCann: Sharon Osbourne trolls the McCanns

Madeleine Mccann Sharon OsbourneMadeleine McCann: a look at the missing child in the news.

The Sunday Mirror leads with the child it calls “Maddie”. The headline thunders: “Sharon’s Shocking Rants Over Missing Maddie.”

Foul-mouthed, pixie-voiced reality TV show Sharon Osbourne, for it is she, has said something. With no other news to report on (what – no killer wasps in your picnic basket and Great white sharks in Devon? – ed), Sharon’s words are front-page news.

Outspoken star Sharon Osbourne has been blasted by the parents of missing Madeleine McCann after she branded them “insane” for leaving their daughter alone.

Outspoken woman speaks out! That’s a shock? This is Sharon who is married to drug-addled rock star and bat-head-biter Ozzy. If anyone knows insane… Which makes us wonder: is Sharon trolling the McCanns?

Former X Factor judge Sharon made the hurtful claims on her US chat show The Talk as she criticised parents for leaving children without supervision.

How cutting-edge is The Talk in talking about a news item from 2007 that has trundled on in the media, turning the missing child into the benchmark of all missing children. The ‘Missing Maddie” story is a fallback news item. Just press f9 on the keyboard and watch as the journalisamobile churn out some non-news.

In a clear attack on Kate and Gerry McCann, Sharon said: “I will tell you a very quick story. There was a husband and wife on holiday in Portugal. They left their baby in the room sleeping, sleeping while they went to dinner in the restaurant. While they were in the resort their baby was taken. And it is like, ‘Oh but we can see everything that is going on’ and it is, like, insane.”

Quick story, yes. One with no ending and  – get his – Sharon can’t even get the facts right. The McCanns left three children in their apartment. Madeleine McCann was not a baby – she was aged 4. Then she vanished. Them’s the facts. it. It’s a single-thread story.

Sharon’s comments are facile, desperate and appear calculated to attract headlines (job done).

Of course, this is the story of Madeleine McCann and the Mirror is every bit as desperate. It too presses f9, slaps the non-news on its front page and then asks “Kate and Gerry” for a few words, which they duly don’t give.

A family friend said: “It’s very ­disappointing when someone with such a high profile makes this sort of ­ignorant, ill-informed comment. She should think about the effect it could have on Madeleine’s brother and sister, as well as the wider family.”

Chances are the children wouldn’t have heard Sharon’s words on her dire US telly show. So, good of the Mirror to broadcast them in the UK and tell them what they missed. Cheers. Not that anyone under 16 buys the Mirror.

 

Posted: 22nd, May 2016 | In: Madeleine McCann, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Van Gaal sacked, Mourinho appointed and Manchester United are unchanged

Sky News are reporting that Manchester United have offered Jose Mourinho the Manchester United job and the former Chelsea manager has accepted. Not all that good news for current Old Trafford boss Louis Van Gaal, then, who yesterday delivered the FA Cup, Man United’s first trophy in three years – albeit the pot Alex Ferguson’s serial winners didn’t even bother to defend in 1999, preferring to take a brand-building winter break in Brazil.

So is Sky correct? For some months its sister organ, the Sun, has been reporting that Mourinho is a shoo-in for the job.

 

Van Gaal man united the sun sacked

 

van gaal manchester united sacked

 

The Sun and Sky’s other sister organ, The Times, also banged the drum for Van Gaal’s end.

 

van gaal sacked

 

They’ve yet to proven right. If you continue to doubt just how wrong these journalists with the inside scoop can be, look at what the Sun’s Neil Ashton said of Manchester United’s on May 19:

 

Manchester United Van Gaal FA Cup

 

Fellaini played.

Is Mourinho heading to United? What say the other papers?

Yes.

 

Jose Manchester United

 

And no.

 

Van Gaal sacked Mail

 

Such are the facts.

Posted: 22nd, May 2016 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comments (3)


Transfer balls: Arsenal keep Walcott by selling him to West Ham or Chelsea

Transfer balls: It’s been a busy few days for Arsenal’s Theo Walcott. In today’s Daily Mirror, readers are told, “Theo’s not Gunner go”. News is that Walcott will be told he is not for sale. “Arsene Wenger will make it clear he is not for sale.” This will disappoint Manchester City and Southampton, we’re told.

 

theo walcott arsenal sacked

 

But the Metro told us Arsenal will “listen to offers” for their striker.

 

walcott out

 

The Star said he wants to stay: “EXCLUSIVE: Theo Walcott desperate to stay at Arsenal this summer despite West Ham interest.”

 

walcott leves arsenal for West ham

The Sun says it’s a done deal: “Theo Walcott to quit Arsenal and is on verge of agreeing deal to sign for West Ham – EXCLUSIVE England star ready to snub Chelsea in favour of joining Hammers”

walcott

 

The Mirror says he is desperate to leave.

walcott leves arsenal
And in the Metro: “Arsenal fans devastated as Danny Welbeck’s injury means Arsene Wenger may keep Theo Walcott”

 

Arsenal fans devastated as Danny Welbeck’s injury means Arsene Wenger may keep Theo Walcott Read more: http://metro.co.uk/2016/05/11/arsenal-fans-devastated-as-danny-welbecks-injury-means-arsene-wenger-may-keep-theo-walcott-5875485/#ixzz48zaRCOR4

 

Words from Walcott: nil.

Such are the facts.

 

Posted: 18th, May 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comments (2)


Boris Johnson, Marina Wheeler’s ‘drunken clinch’ and sex for Brexit

boris johnson marina sex

 

Boris Johnson’s wife Marina Wheeler is the victim of a “sex smear”, says the Sun. The attack on Marina is “designed to derail his battle for Britain to leave the EU”.

You might well roll your eyes. So what if Marina Wheeler has been playing away. What business is it of ours? Her husband is no paragon of virtue.

 

Boris Johnson sex

 

The Mail had more on Petronella Wyatt and her affair with Bozza the boffa:

Her four-year affair with Boris Johnson, which ended with her having a termination, led to Johnson being sacked from the Shadow Cabinet after famously rejecting reports of the affair as an ‘inverted pyramid of piffle’.

Is the Sun’s issue with the fact that a woman is now accused of straying outside her marriage? Is it different for girls? The paper adds:

False claims have been swirling around Westminster and online that Marina Wheeler was the high-profile QC caught in a drunken clinch with a fellow lawyer at Waterloo station last summer. And it’s members of the Remain camp that have helped fuel the lie, a Tory minister says. Sources claim the slur was spread around a champagne reception for Lord Ashcroft in early March. But a pal of Boris, 51, said she was “categorically” not involved and branded the slurs “pure poison”.

Adding:

The Sun knows the real identity of the QC at the centre of the affair, but cannot reveal it for legal reasons.

Maybe that Sun story should run: “BORIS Johnson’s wife is the subject of a vicious sex smear campaign designed to derail the battle for Britain to STAY IN the EU.”

Those inners are real scum, aren’t they?

Posted: 18th, May 2016 | In: Politicians, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Transfer balls: Ozil bombs Arsenal

ozil transfer arsenal

 

Transfer balls: The Daily Express has news for Arsenal fans: “Mesut Ozil Bombshell: Star blasts lack of teamwork, contract talks put on hold.”

Bombshell! Blasts! Is Ozil shooting down the Gunners? Is it war? This is what Ozil said:

“We dropped a lot of points that we should not have dropped against the ‘smaller teams’ and that was the point in the season where we did not work as a team. Especially after the Barcelona game we were just not good enough to take a point… I have two years left on my contract and will be in talks with the club. Now I’m concentrating on the Euros in France.”

Ozil talks with Arsenal. Boom!

Moe Transfer Balls in the newspapers every day.

Posted: 17th, May 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


No, Manchester United’s David Beckham is not like Arsenal’s Jack Wilshere

What need of facts, Alan Shearer? No much. Alan writes of Arsenal’s Jack Wilshere in the Sun:

“The debate might well be whether Marcus Rashford can force his way into the final 23 and go with England to Euro 2016. For me, the bigger argument is what Jack Wilshere is doing in the squad in the first place. Nobody seems to be questioning whether he will now go if he remains fit through these last three friendlies ahead of the finals.

“Have we not learnt any lessons from the past when it comes to the issue of racing players back? It was David Beckham back in 2002 when he suffered a metatarsal injury towards the end of the season and still went to the World Cup.”

What we learn, Alan, is that Wilshere is fit. He’s not been rushed back to the Arsenal side. He’s fully fit and playing in the first XI. We also learn that Beckham’s injury went like this:

20 April 2002: 51 days before the World Cup, Beckham is injured by Pedro Duscher in Manchester United’s Champions League quarter final clash with Deportivo La Coruna. His second metatarsal bone is broken. Beckham makes a hard bid to get fit.

9 May 2002: two days before the World Cup, Beckham declares himself fit for the Sweden game. He says: “I’ve had a lot of treatment over the past two months and a lot of people from Sven-Goran Eriksson to the Queen have wished me good luck. The way I felt when I led training is the highest I have felt in weeks.”

2 June 2002: England v Sweden. Beckham plays 63 minutes of the game before being substituted. It is his first competitive action since the injury.

7 June 2002: England v Argentina. Beckham’s 45th minute penalty gives England victory. He lasts the full 90 minutes.  In the quarter-finals, Beckham plays as England lose to Brazil.

And how did the Sun talk of Beckham’s injury way back then? Were they circumspect?

A HUGE team of Sun readers today prayed for the hand of God to revive England’s World Cup hopes by mending David Beckham’s broken foot.

We urged our army of 10 million readers to boost David’s fitness fight at the stroke of midday by placing their hands on our picture of David’s left peg and praying for a speedy recovery.

And so many of you did.

Even bishops joined in. One said: “We’re rooting for him.”

And Canon David Meara, the vicar of St Bride’s in London’s Fleet Street, even came into the Sun’s Wapping HQ to say a special “get well” prayer as the entire office touched David’s foot on the dot of noon.

The 54-year-old Spurs fan said: “There is no doubt that prayer can assist in the healing process.”

Wilshere is no Beckham – he’s fitter.

Posted: 17th, May 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester United: fan fury, Mourinho gets desperate and Van Gaal gets time

Van Gaal man united the mail sacked

 

Jose Mourinho’s PR calls the Daily Mail, which dutifully produces the headline: “JOSE PSG TALKS – Manchester United must act NOW if they want Mourinho.”

From hammer-headed Dutchman Louis Van Gaal to divisive Portuguese Jose Mourinho, United fans must wonder how it came to this, the pragmatic taking over from the dreamers. The Mail says Mourinho is the “prime contender” to replace Van Gaal “should United sack the Dutchman”.

Says who? We soon find out: “Mourinho, 53, wants a deal agreed by next week and unless United make their move quickly they could miss out on the Portuguese.” Mourinho’s desperate, isn’t he. United need not rush. The French league is one-trick pony. Man United are huge. They pick the manger. The manager does not pick them.

 

Van Gaal man united the sun sacked

In the Sun, which has spent weeks hailing Mourinho as the next Man United boss, Neil Curtis tells Van Gaal, “You’re 4 It”, a pun on Van Gaal’s United missing out on a top finish and with it a berth in next season’s Champions’ League.

Curtis says fans “protests could follow tonight’s rearranged clash with supporters fed up with United’s turgid style of  play”. They could. And then again, the could not. Perhaps those United fans who can recall life before Alex Ferguson made them serial champions will be circumspect and wait and see what happens. Winning is all the more glorious when it follows fallow years.

Curtis seeks fans’ fury but finds none. We hear from one fan who says he “admires” Van Gaal and does “think he will get it right in time”, and another who says Van Gaal has “an aversion to risk” and “no club has the divine right” to play in the Champions’ League.

Curtis never does ask them what they think of Mourinho, which given the man’s playing style might be just as well…

Posted: 17th, May 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Harry Redknapp, angry Newcastle fans, sunshine Spurs and Arsenal failures

Soccer - Barclays Premier League - Tottenham Hotspur v Newcastle United - White Hart LaneA few days before Newcastle United fans hymned their team to a 5-1 thrashing of fancied Spurs, former Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp told his Evening Standard readers:

Angry Newcastle fans can help Tottenham finish above Arsenal

He went on:

Newcastle’s relegation should ensure a hostile atmosphere which Tottenham can take advantage of to secure second place in the Premier League…

Spurs…are still a top side and you would fancy them to win at St James’ Park against a team with nothing to play for under a manager who is probably going to leave… The fans up there will be angry at how things have panned out after Sunderland beat Everton and the Newcastle players will just want the season over with.

Here’s what George Caulkin had to say about the match in the Times:

This was a peculiar day at St James’ Park, where a relegated side played with the zeal of champions and their supporters sang merrily in the sunshine and when Spurs, for so long an embodiment of promise and quality, simply imploded. Old, tired, perennial failures Arsenal — or so the narrative goes — hopped above them and a campaign that has featured upset at its core ended in a suitably perplexing manner.

More expert inside knowledge from Harry Redknapp all over the media every week.

Posted: 16th, May 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports, Spurs, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester United v The Sun: Van Gaal created social media and Ryan Giggs was a saint

The Sun has been telling us for months that Manchester United are to sack Louis Van Gaal and manager and replace him with Jose Mourinho. The paper’s Neil Ashton finds another reason to undermine the hammer-headed Dutchman’s leadership:

JESSE LINGARD’S video from the team bus gave an insight into life under boss Louis van Gaal at Manchester United. Discipline, once a bastion of this great club under Alex Ferguson, has pretty much disappeared under the Dutchman. Lingard’s 28-second film of the chaotic scenes inside the coach ferrying United’s players to West Ham on Tuesday is proof of that.

Lingard is a wally. Videoing himself on the team bus as it was pelted by beer cans tossed by West Ham fans and then posting the video on social media was the mark of a fool. Should United need a new coach – yes, that one with wheels and an improved SatNav – they might consider getting Lingard a car seat, such as the Mothercare Sport Car Seat in red with an integral harness, soft padded body, head support cushion, and chest and buckle pads. To blame Van Gaal for a 26-year-old using social media is madness.

 

gotcha the sun

 

As for the Sun warning against the perils of mobile phone abuse and linking it to poor leadership – the bucks tops with the boss – well, let’s just say we wish former Sun and NoTW editor Rebekah Brooks (innocent of all any any involvement in her underlings’ phone hacking and ill discipline) well in her new job as head of News Corp.

Ashton goes on.

With Lingard larking around, it showed how slack these players have become. Imagine Roy Keane, Ryan Giggs or Peter Schmeichel sticking their tongue out and shouting for “mommy” in similar circumstances.

That dressing room, which accounted for 13 Premier League titles during Fergie’s rule, used to police itself. When someone overstepped the mark or broke the rules, the big voices at United would close in on them. Gary Neville, Rio Ferdinand or Keano saw to that.

To say nothing of lawyers:

 

giggs injunction herald

 

To say nothing of it being the era before smart phones and social media:

 

beckham ferguson boot sun

 

Ashton ploughs on:

When Lingard took the trouble to send his footage to some friends, who helpfully posted it on social media, his amateur video went viral.

Sadly for Van Gaal, who is still trying to figure it all out at United, it showed another side to events at Upton Park.

Ill-discipline is rife inside the United camp.

Or as Roy Keane put it:

Asked by ShortList if Ferguson ever had words over his drinking, Keane said: “Oh, of course. And quite rightly. This idea that me and Ferguson just had one bust up right at the end… We had loads! We had disagreements about my drinking, as fans are happy to report you if you’re spotted out at 3am.  But if we had a game on a Wednesday and the manager said to me, ‘I heard you were out Sunday night,’ I’d say, ‘Yeah, I go out Sundays.’ I was single, I was 21. I wasn’t a golfer. Drinking was my hobby, I suppose. I’m not giving it the thumbs up, but it was my trait. I don’t know why – because I’m Irish, maybe, because I lived by myself. Boredom kicked in.”

Such are the facts…

Posted: 16th, May 2016 | In: Back pages, Key Posts, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Transfer balls: Jose Mourinho to Manchester United ‘in hours’

Transfer balls spots more tales of Jose Mourinho to Manchester United. The Star thunders: “Mourinho to Man Utd in hours.”

How many hours is unspecified by Luke Gardener, who made his prediction on May 13th. But he does cite his course: “Sky Sports Italy claim he will replace Louis van Gaal at the end of the season and sign a deal imminently.”

Sky Sports states: “José Mourinho will be the next manager of Manchester United.” The story is titled: “Mourinho, yes to Manchester United.”

The Indy reads that and states: “Jose Mourinho to Manchester United: Former Chelsea boss reaches agreement to become manager.”

Or as, er, Sky Sports puts it today: “Manchester United have no deal in place with Jose Mourinho, say Sky sources.”

Does writer Rory O’Callaghan consider Sky as reputable source?

 

manchester united jose

 

More transfer balls throughout the summer.

Posted: 16th, May 2016 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


War Chest Watch: Manchester United, Chelsea, Spurs, Arsenal, Everton, Manchester City and Liverpool transfer budgets announced

Manchester United transfers

 

As the Premier League season ends big media turns to transfer rumours. One issue is deciding how much each club has to spend on new players. With every club in line for a £99m bonus next season, you’d suppose every PL club can spend large on recruitment.

Sunderland: “Sam Allardyce will demand a summer war chest of up to £50million” – Sun

Spurs:  “Tottenham boss Mauricio Pochettino to be handed £60m war chest to strengthen squad” – Mail

Arsenal: Arsene Wenger £75m transfer fund this summer to bolster fragile defence and midfield” – Daily Telegraph

Everton: “£100m war chest to fund spending bonanza” – Daily Mirror

Liverpool: “Liverpool boss handed £100m summer transfer warchest… and targets have been identified” – Daily Star

Chelsea: “Chelsea to use chunk of £130m warchest to beat Arsenal to Alexis Sanchez replacement”

Manchester City: “Manchester City to hand Pep Guardiola a huge transfer chest for the summer” – Manchester Evening News

Manchester United: “Manchester United boss Louis van Gaal to get £150m war chest even without top-four spot” – Daily Express

Manchester United: “United Uncovered: Jose Mourinho’s £300m warchest” – Daily Express

Such are the facts…

Posted: 15th, May 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Broadsheets, Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester City, manchester united, Sports, Spurs, Tabloids | Comment


Leicester players mistake Ranieri for Manchester United hair dryer Alex Ferguson

The Daily Mail’s Martin Samuel has a statement and a question for Manchester United and Leicester City fans:

alex ferguson champgne head

 

Is it something to do with Fergie’s famous hair dryer?

 

alex ferguson champgne hea

 

No. Was it a case of mistaken identity, Martin?

Posted: 9th, May 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester United, ‘Wayne Rooney hooker’ Helen Wood and restraint of trade

Who else shagged the “Roo hooker”? The Sun wants readers to know who allegedly paid for sex with Helen Wood, an adult woman who, allegedly, once had sex-on-the-clock with Manchester United star Wayne Rooney. Wood has appeared in the Big Brother house, not as a late-night sneak-in, prize or perk, but as an actual celeb. Surely she’s no longer the “Roo hooker” or even “Wayne Rooney prostitute”? Can it be right that an entire woman is defined by the little Roo that sought comfort and validation inside her ‘gagging order’?

The Mail adds:

A well-known actor who won an injunction to hush up claims he slept with a prostitute used by Wayne Rooney is reportedly to be named in the US today. The married father, whose reputation as a family man has boosted his career as a world-renowned star, allegedly paid escort Helen Wood £195 for sex. The millionaire then paid a firm of high-powered lawyers tens of thousands of pounds to stop his fans finding out.

Showbiz man has casual sex! The odd part is that he never boasted of it. But don’t name him here. The law’s the law.

But in the Sun, Helen says, “I’d like to tell my full story.”

She should sue the alleged trick for restraint of trade.

 

helen-wood-protitute-rooney-newsmediaimages

Picture 1 of 8

Posted: 4th, May 2016 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Liverpool Echo on Hillsborough: PRODUCE YOUR EVIDENCE

liverpool echo original hillsborough

 

Hillsborough. We knew. The police lied and lied and lied. The media fanned the lies. The police monstered the dead. The police made the loved ones and the bereaved wait 27 years to be told the dead were innocent. The survivors were not killers. Right until the end the police lied. Until yesterday when they had to stop lying in public. Now we’ll get talk of justice and see old men and women on the TV screens. The police are corrupt. They still hide. Did the top cops in South Yorkshire police achieve rank by rocking the boat and speaking out? It wasn’t then. It’s now. They want it buried. They want it all in the past, long ago before things got so much better. They want to tell us about lessons have being learnt. Then you think about one life snuffed out. And you demand more.

 

liverpool echo now

Posted: 27th, April 2016 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Spurs balls: Pochettino joins Jose Moutinho at Manchester United (says The Sun)

The Sun has an “exclusive”. It says Manchester United have sparked “PANIC” at Spurs. The Red Devils want to take Mauricio Pochettino from White Hart Lane to Old Trafford.

Spurs bosses are “edgy” and “concerned” that Pochettino will leave the club and head to Manchester United. They need not worry. After all the Sun has told us over and over and over that Jose Mourinho is United’s next manager.

 

Jose Mourinho Manchester United the sun

 

 

December 21: “LOUIS VAN GAAL is on his way out of Manchester United after contact was made with Jose Mourinho…Van Gaal could now be gone before the Boxing Day game at Stoke. At best, he will have that plus the home clash with Chelsea next Monday to keep his job.”

March 26: “JOSE MOURINHO will be offered a mind-boggling £60million to send Manchester United soaring back to football’s summit.”

 

March 19, 2016: “Man United transfer news: Jose Mourinho ‘wants £60m Harry Kane to be prime target’”

Atop Press: Sun Panic that all its exclusive news has been utter balls.

 

Posted: 20th, April 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Spurs, Tabloids | Comment


Madeleine McCann: Amaral v The McCanns was an accident waiting to happen

maddie mccann tabloidsMadeleine McCann – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann.

Goncalo Amaral is back in the news. The former Portuguese detective has won an appeal against his libel defeat to Madeleine McCann’s parents, Kate and Gerry McCann. The court order for him to pay the McCanns £395,000 in damages in April 2015 has been overturned. The Press pick up the story of Amaral and his 2008 book, The Truth of the Lie, in which he accuses the McCanns of “faking Madeleine’s abduction to cover up her accidental death in their apartment” (Star).

Daily Star (front page): “Maddie: Cop Wains Right To Accuse Parents”

“A banned book which accuse Madeleine’s McCanns parents of covering up her death will go on sale across  Europe after a shock ruling by three appal court judge in Portugal yesterday,” writes Jerry Lawton. No shock here, at least not to Anorak readers. Back in 2010, AGW told you:

The media awaits the verdict of McCanns Versus Goncalo Amaral. Much depends on it. The McCanns have taken a risk in going against the former police officer in a foreign country. While it can be argued – as they have done – that any publicity for their missing daughter is good because it keeps her name alive in the voracious media.

But it does not keep us looking for the child. It just allows us to gawp at them, the distraught parents of a missing innocent:

YOU know when an accident is going to happen. They even have corporate speak phrases for it these days: “Risk Assessment” is one.

You know when a playing kitten is going to fall from the arm of the chair, you know when the child is going trip and fall, no matter how quick you are to try and get there.

Sometimes you see disasters being created and thundering, in silent-movie slowed down train-wreck style, toward you or others and there’s little you can do other than stand and watch horror-struck by the enormity of it all.

You know the accident’s about to happen and there is nothing you can do but perhaps wonder why you knew?

It has nothing to do with sixth senses, it is because the most powerful computer known to man, your brain, has gathered in all the previous experiences you have weighed in the balance and made a predictive analysis.

That is what is so strange about the current and past behaviour of the parents of the missing child Madeleine McCann.

They have started a court action defending their reputations in Lisbon because the former chief investigating officer Goncalo Amara, is accusing them of being involved in Madeleine’s disappearance. They have also started an action seeking a money settlement for the Portuguese equivalent of libel and in addition are taking on a Lisbon-based documentary production unit for reporting on the detective’s objected to book and the case.

Lisbon was never going to be a perfect spot for the McCann’s to start legal sparring and this week they were dealt what can only be termed a body-blow when the detective’s lawyers produced evidence the UK’s top criminal profiler has said there were “contradictions” in their statements and both should be treated as possible “homicide” suspects.

No arguments, no amount of reshuffling or clarifications can change that and the facts can not be forced back into the can of worms which the McCann parents themselves have allowed to be opened.

Damage Limitation

The background PR work after the Lisbon shocker has been impressive. The McCann lawyers strode from the courtroom and counter-claimed there were tens, hundreds or more sightings of the missing girl. The UK’s Red Tops dutifully followed the thread and reported the lawyer’s statement. My experience and training gave the brain the predictive text that this looked like a smoke screen, a damage limitation. The missing fact was all these sightings came after the McCann’s themselves had been released from Arguido, suspect, status. The case was archived. It was a cold, leading nowhere, case in the eyes of the top legal and police professionals in Portugal…the responsible authorities have no clues and have suspended work on the case.

It has already been said in these columns, taking on the Portuguese legal system was going to be a minefield but there is one question:

Who is taking the responsibility for the Risk Assessment for this McCann course of action?

Whoever it was needs to be replaced or kept out of the limelight.

Mass public opinion is turning. The McCanns are slipping lower and lower down the celebs’ to be seen with list, certainly no-longer A list and slightly embarrassing to be around according to some whispers.

The McCanns are innocent. No charges have been brought against anyone…except the Chief Investigating Police Officer, Goncalo Amaral.

Wake up!

A second question would have to be: Who on earth took the Risk Assessment decision Amaral was a buffoon an incompetent, bungling, Jacques Clouseau Pink Panther type of police officer?

Come on, wake up! Police officers do not rise through the ranks to positions of authority without being good thief-takers and being very good at spotting the wrongness of something.

Amaral is tougher than the baying section of Britain’s media has portrayed.

The McCanns are becoming battered and worn by this. Just look at their recent photographs. The child is still missing, lost, gone. Arguments still rage over the rightness or wrongness of it all.

Something is judgementally wrong in the Risk Assessments taken here. This week has been hugely damaging to the McCann’s and their cause. The information given this week in the Lisbon court can no longer be ignored or forgotten. It will have a high cost and one of the costs are potential new helpers and donations to the campaign of finding the child.

No shock.

Daily Star Page 7: “Maddie SHOCK”

The Portuguese appeal court judges “ordered” the McCanns to pay  “full legal fees of the three-year hearing”. The McCanns have “instructed lawyers to appeal against the new ruling”. But the judges call Amaral’s book a “legitimate  exercise in the right to express an opinion”. Portugal was once a police state. Free speech is enshrined. The lawyers’ appeal looked doomed.

We then get a rapid-fire vox pop. The McCanns deny Amaral’s claims. A “pal” says they are “seething”. Their spokesman Clarence Mitchell says, “It is a matter for Kate and Gerry’s lawyers to deal with .”

The Sun (front page): “MADDIE: Agony for McCanns as cop wins libel case”

Page 4: “Hunt Hit By Cash Crisis – Maddie £430k Libel Loss Blow – Tec wins against McCanns”

The payment “deprives the Maddie Fund o9f cash to keep the nine-year search going”. Private cash. But not public purse monies. That continues to be spent on the search.

Daily Mirror (Page 7): “Bungling cop in libel triumph over the McCanns”

Is every policeman who fails to solve a case a bungler?

And then we get to the money. The cash Amaral was ordered to pay the McCanns never left his account. All payments – £360,000 and £76,000 in interest – was held until the appeal judges had ruled. The money never came out of the Maddie Fund, did it? It was never in the Fund.

Daily Express (Page 8): “McCanns ‘seething’ as Maddy detective overturns book ruling”

We finally hear from the McCanns’ legal aide. Their Portuguese lawyer, Isable Duarte, “said she  was ‘disappointed’ but not surprised” at the ruling.

Daily Mail (Page 30): “McCanns suffer £395k libel loss”

Page 30. The story continues – but less and less people are listening to it.

 

Posted: 20th, April 2016 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment