Anorak

Tabloids | Anorak - Part 30

Tabloids Category

The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.

Daily Star stirs fear of migrant perverts and filthy idiots abroad

daily star immigrants

 

The Daily Star once supported the EDL. The paper today brings news that “MIGRANT PERVERTS” are a “THREAT TO UK GIRLS”.

Surely more perverts means more customers for the Daily Star (see more on the paper’s Page 3) and the paper’s owner Richard Desmond’s porn TV stations, on which you can watch such wholesome films as Jim Slip’s Euro 18s and A Filthy Idiot Abroad.

express(Mr Desmond also owns the Express which leads with news that more migrants “WILL LEAD TO MORE SEX ATTACKS”.)

So much for the foreign pervs. What of the news?

Matthew Young writes:

“Women in Britain have been warned they could be targeted by immigrants arriving from the Middle East.”

Well, they could be. They could also not be.

Criminal gangs carried out sex attacks in four cities across Germany on New Year’s Eve, assaulting and robbing 150 women.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 8th, January 2016 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comments (2)


Keeping Up With The Danczuks: toenails, orgies, escorts and God

DAnczuk sex

 

Keeping up with the Danczuks: a look at Labour MP and anti-paedo activist Simon Danczuk and assorted women in the tabloids.

Daily Mirror (Page 7): “Shamed MP to sue over ex’s claim he is sex predator”.

Mrs Danczuk Number 1, Sonia Rossington, claims her then husband had sex with her while she asleep. She was, she alleged, asleep before the sex began. She did not drop off during the act. Now Simon is to “take legal action” over those claims.

A ‘close friend” of his tells the paper, “If some of the allegations Sonia makes are true then why didn’t she go to the  police at the time.? Why is she only coming out with this now?”

Maybe the same pal can ask that question of Jimmy Savile’s alleged victims and other people who have made recent claims to have been molested by the great and not all that good?

The Sun (front page): “Danczuk: It’s time to pray.”

“Shamed” MP Simon and Mrs Danczuk Number 2 Karen are at a church.

We learn that his first wife, the aforesaid Sonia, “had been paid by men for group hotel romps”.

Pages 8-9: “1st Missus was orgy sex worker” – “an escort who  took part in paid orgies.” We don’t know if that’s true. But you might have encountered Stephanie36HH – those letters not a reference to her pencils, rather her breasts.

The Sun also reminds us that Simon exchanged “horny” texts with teenaged Sophena Houlihan, aka Goddess Rosalie Von Morelli, who used to sell bras, knickers (both used) and toenail clippings.

A Sun “source” claims Sonia “told a pal he wanted to put hair-removal cream in Karen’s shampoo”.

Daily Mail (Pages 14-15): “Danczuk ‘got so drunk he forgot he sent sex texts to girl, 17”.

Curse that autocomplete! We can only be thankful that drunk Simon never expressed his desire to spank someone else on his Twitter feed. Moreover, let us give thanks Simon never fell awkwardly on his phone and had it inserted up his arse. A hundred vicars in A & E shudder at the idea and vow never to use a mobile whilst naked ever again.  

Conclusion: it could be worse.

Posted: 4th, January 2016 | In: Politicians, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


The Jihadi John show jumps the shark with a little sidekick and new star

tumblr_o0eelafo9f1u5f06vo1_1280Meet the “New Jihadi John”. You might call him the new improved Jihadi John, given that the latest televised ex-pat murderer is using a gun, having upgraded from a knife, to off enemies of ISIS.

The Mirror leads with John II, reporting that a British nutjob has been filmed apparently murdering 5 men accused of spying for Britain.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 4th, January 2016 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comment (1)


Simon Danczuk: woman of the year 2016

Simon Danczuk, the sleazy Labour MP for Rochdale, is wrapped around the news like a randy middle-aged man at a bridal shower. The smart move would be for mired Simon to undergo a sex change and emerge as Margaret, or Cherie, a sultry temptress who can make a decent stab at being Woman of the Year, thus cementing his role as the British man / woman most likely to shag a Kardashian, or become one.

Let’s round-up the news.

 

Sunday Times (front page): “Wives at war over Disgraced Danczuk”

karen danczuk named

 

On the cover we see sportswear enthusiast and nipple wrangler Karen Danczuk, Simon wife Number 2.

The scandal engulfing the Labour MP for Rochdale erupted in sexual claims and counter-claims after both his ex-wives, his former girlfriend and the young woman with whom he was caught exchanging sex messages became engaged in a war of words.

Pull up a chair. This is juicier than a Gwyneth Paltrow dinner party.

Danczuk accused Sonia Rossington, the mother of his two oldest children, of demanding a “six-figure sum” to “dish the dirt on me” by peddling “untrue allegations . . . of a criminal nature”.

In an interview with The Mail on Sunday, Rossington claimed that he had driven her into therapy with drug and alcohol-fuelled bullying and obsessive demands for sex.

More on that later. For now, Simon says:

“She has chosen not to take them to police but to a newspaper instead… She has not moved on and remains embittered to the point where she has prevented me from seeing or having a close relationship with my children. She has also become obsessed with trying to ruin my political career.”

He’s issued a statement:

“Ever since I was elected an MP in 2010 she has been pestering journalists, trying to spread malicious falsehoods and defamatory allegations about me. I am led to believe she’s been trying to get newspapers to enter a bidding war, asking for a six-figure sum for interviews to ‘dish the dirt’ on me.

“Out of respect for the fact she is the mother to two of my children I have not responded to her continual abuse and…”

So says Simon to the media, a man now Danczuk suspended from the Labour party after he exchanged sex texts with the then 17-year-old Sophena Houlihan.And on her:

Last night it was claimed that Houlihan, now 18, has been working as a dominatrix.

You want more on that? Of course you do. The People notes:

She was 17 when Labour MP Danczuk, 49, sent text messages in which he said he was “horny” and asked if she wanted spanking. The teenager claimed to be shocked by those “sexts” – but on a website Sophena called herself Goddess Rosalie Von Morelli, a financial dominatrix.

She used the site to sell used and worn thongs, “frenchies” and knickers for £15 a pair, and offered bras and toe-nail clippings for £10 a time.

Cue Karen Karen Danczuk, who tweets about Sonia:

“Sell your body for sex . . . I’d sit back and think before you speak. An ex friend of someone sent me explicit photos & evidence of ‘escorting’ . . . amongst other things.”

Rossington says she’s not and never has been a prostitute. She says:

“I’m aware of this, he threatened it years ago. Danczuk does smear, it’s quite easy [to] go through intimate marital pictures of us when we were together and create a false incriminating profile of me on certain websites.”

Over pages 6 and 7, Camilla Long tucks into the Danczuks. It’s sex, sex and sex.

A new relationship with a Labour councillor called Claire Hamilton failed after four months of public snogging and a threesome (amazingly not in public) in which Hamilton kissed Karen for “about an hour” while Danczuk took pictures. Hamilton eventually dumped Danczuk after she claimed he cheated on her, saying she had “no idea” how many women he had “been messaging on Twitter”. She guessed “a lot”…

Nearly a year ago, he was caught favouriting hardcore pornography on Twitter while he was out canvassing for the election. He said he was “a man of the world”, so of course he watched porn, but in this case it was an accident. His phone clicked on the porn owing to a fault. He seemed convincing, even though he was an MP blaming his own telephone for driving him to sex…

 

The Mirror (front page): “DISGRACED MP ‘ CRIED LIKE A BABY”

 

danczuk front page

 

It’s super snogger Claire Hamilton. Labour Councillor Claire says:

“He craves attention so much from anywhere he can get it, but he’s sunk to a new low this time. He told me he had come up with a plan for 2016 to make more money out of the celebrity and press side of things than from being an MP.”

Achievement unlocked. And the sex…

“He said he’d been messaging this teenage singer on Twitter when he was up late or couldn’t sleep in the early hours about ‘life and music and stuff’. I asked if the messages were friendly or intimate and why text someone so young? He wouldn’t tell me or show me the messages”…

“He was saying ‘I’m sorry, Claire, I’m sorry.’ I packed his bag and gave him it. He was crying like a baby. I went on Twitter straight away and typed ‘Danczuk dumped’. I didn’t want to give myself any chance to go back – it was over, done.”

Twitter is so definitive.

“I felt emotionally drained that he was in touch with someone so young. He obviously thought he had a chance with her because he essentially wanted us to have an open relationship. Having now seen the texts, I feel physically stick to my stomach.”

Pass the toenails…

 

The Sun (front page): “SEX TEXT MP: I LOVE YOUNG WOMEN”

 

tumblr_o0dfu6Y2nm1u5f06vo1_1280

 

Says Simon:

“Younger women are my Achilles heel. My first wife was ten years younger than me, my second wife was 17 years younger, my last girlfriend is 17 years younger. Some men like older women, some like younger women, some like brunettes, some like blondes.”

Some like having their balls slammed in the car door. It’s a funny old world.

 

Daily Mail (front page): “My Years of Abuse from Sex Text MP”

tumblr_o0chcx6ijd1u5f06vo1_1280

It’s Sonia. We’ll skip to the sex:

When she complained about him having sex with her, while she slept at 3am, he told her: ‘You’re my wife. I can have sex with you whenever I want.’ She said: ‘You learned not to cross him. He would say to me “If you get on the wrong side of me I will destroy you”. And he means it – he wants to take you down so you have nothing, not even a way of making a living.

‘I’ve been in therapy for years over this. I was terrified of relationships. I was afraid of so many things. Simon has cast a long shadow over my life.’

It gets sinister:

…when he came to bed he would have sex with me, interrupting my sleep. I would just wake up and it would be happening. It was always in the missionary position.

‘After a few weeks I was so exhausted I said to him “Please stop this” – but he tried to make me believe it was me who was initiating it. I was so confused. I thought I was going mad. I had no recollection of this at all. I started covering up, wearing long johns, pyjamas, socks, anything to make it more difficult for this to happen. I asked him to stop again.

Bit odd, no?

‘But this went on for months. I thought I was going mad. If it was me initiating things why was he always on top? So I decided to stay awake and see what he actually did and try to find out the truth. What happened was sly and awful.

‘He’d sneak into the room, take off his clothes and peel back the bed covers, roll me on to my back, open my legs and start having sex with me. I let him do this a few times, pretending to be asleep and even tried to record it on a camera, but of course it was dark.

‘I confronted him about it later. I said, “I know what you do and I want it to stop. I can’t believe you tried to make me think it was me initiating things.” He said, “It’s a husband having sex with his wife”.

‘He said, “Listen, Sonia. This is the deal. You are my wife and it’s expected from a wife to give her husband sex whenever he wants it. If you don’t give it to me when I want it I’ll go and look elsewhere.” I burst into tears. But after that he carried on for months with a much more careless attitude.

‘He would throw the blankets off and roll me over though he only took 15-20 seconds to finish.’

Simon has mentioned “injunctions” and layers, He says Sonia’s words are “unfounded and malicious”.

To which we can only add: Danczuk for Labour Leader! The campaign starts here…

Posted: 3rd, January 2016 | In: Broadsheets, Key Posts, Politicians, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Scientist: ‘I can raise the dead’

The Daily Express says a company claims they’ll be able to “RESURRECT THE DEAD by 2045”. To which the obvious response is: but will that be too late to save the last Daily Express reader?

Josh Bocanegra says his new company Humai area aiming to bring the dead back to life…. by freezing human brains for extended periods of time using cryonics, a deep freezing technology using very low temperatures, and then putting them into artificial bodies. But Josh claims the company’s ultimate goal is to preserve a human brain BEFORE a person dies.

As you were Daily Express:

daily express dead

 

The Daily Express: keeping the dead newsworthy.

Posted: 2nd, January 2016 | In: Tabloids, Technology | Comment


Arsenal balls: Newcastle cut up rough

The Sun says that Newcastle United manger Steve McClaren has “ordered  Newcastle to rough up” Arsenal’s Mesut Ozil when the teams meet this afternoon. Are the Magpies really going to kick Arsenal’s best player out of the game? Is that the game plan?

 

Ozil Newcastle

 

No. Of course not.

McClaren merely said his side must show a “certain amount  of aggression” to keep Arsenal within reach. Which seems an entirely reasonable position.

 

 

Posted: 2nd, January 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Jeremy Corbyn gives flooded York a hand – literally

How did the tabloids report on Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn’s trip to flood-hit York?

Daily Mirror (Page 19): “Flood chaos: ‘Tory cuts are a massive threat to life.'”

Odd that such a big story should be buried on Page 19. Is Corbyn someone the Labour-supporting Mirror wants to hide?

 

Jeremy Corbyn York

 

The story introduces us to a council estate resident, who tells Mr Cobyn he is “disgusted” by David Cameron. It’s possible this is the resident’s default reaction to the Tory leader. The man tells Corbyn, “You are the first to come up here. Mr Cameron went to all the post estates, he didn’t come to council estates.”

A photo of Corbyn talking to a smiling local is captioned “listening”.

Daily Express: nothing.

Daily Mail: nothing.

The Sun (Page 8): “Jez fails to bag rescue job”

Corbyn “finally” paid a visit to York. He made a “half-hearted attempt to help. He moved a sandbag “with one hand tucked  away in his pocket… But local Labour MP Rachel Maskell used both hand to move hers”.

Conclusions: Corby has one strong arm – the other arm weaker than Tom Watson’s willpower in a fudge factory. Maskell is on-message. At a rate of one sandbag per person, MPs are not big on physical activity.

Daily Star (Page 8): “Corbyn, you’re 5 days too late”

“Residents…slammed Jeremy Corby for  arriving ‘too late'”. For what? Christmas?

Such are the facts.

 

Posted: 1st, January 2016 | In: Politicians, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment (1)


Stephanie Davis: everything you don’t already know about me and Zayn Malik (secretly)

Stephanie DAvis ZaynStephanie Davis stands in her underwear on the Daily Star’s Page 7.

Davis is the demure “Hollyoaks babe” all set to enter the Celebrity Big Brother house and “dish the dirt” on former One Direction mumbler Zayn Malik.

The paper tells us that Stephanie and Zayn “secretly dated four years ago”.

Secretly dated?

The Sun: October 3 2011: “Zayn’s getting his Oaks – She’s in the fame game too so she understands what it’s like to have people interested in her private life. They’re very sweet together.”

And:

 

Screen Shot 2016-01-01 at 21.11.51

 

Define ‘secret’.

 

Posted: 1st, January 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment


The best 11 churches for scoring cocaine

drugs churchCocaine has been found in “iconic churches”. The Sun has the scoop all over its front page.

They’ve tried rock music, free wine and loose change (you take it off the plate, right?), so mitres off to the Church for seducing the unwashed with free Grade-A drugs.

Matt Quinton says cocaine has been found  at 11 of the country’s “top 25 cathedrals”.  How they’re ranked, Quinton doesn’t say, but he’s doubtless taken in such criteria as toilets, warmth, eye candy, parking, and the vicar’s likelihood of ‘squiring’ a worshipper and undergoing a sex change.

On page five – “The Powder and the glory” – Matt tells us how he found the drugs. He toured the country, swabbing toilet seats and cisterns for traces of cocaine. He says the tests employed are 95% accurate, which means they are not accurate at all.

We await the Church Times’ scoop on what it found in the Sun’s toilets, but the smart money is on porn, flushed pay-as-you-go mobile phones and wafers.

Posted: 28th, December 2015 | In: Key Posts, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester United: Van Gaal ‘sacked’ after Stoke match, ‘resigns’ and vows to stick it out

tumblr_nzzksm5DfK1u5f06vo1_1280Having reported that defeat to Stoke City would cost Louis Van Gaal his job as Manchester United manager – United lost 2-0 and Van Gaal remains in situ – the tabloids now report that defeat in his next game surely will.

The Mail on Sunday says lose to Chelsea and it’s the end of LVG at Old Trafford. 

It’s pretty clear the tabloids have no idea. LVG has a contract that runs until the end of next season.

Maybe he will fall on his sword? The Express leads with news that Van Gaal “may” quit. To put it another way, Van Gaal “may not” quit.

What he said was – and this in reply to a question on if he thinks he’s about to be sacked:

“That is something I discuss with [executive vice-chairman] Ed Woodward not you,” Van Gaal told the hacks massed at the post-game Press conference.

“It is not always the club that has to fire or sack me. Sometimes I do that by myself, but I am the one who wants to speak first with the board of Manchester United and my members of staff and my players, not with you. I have received [the club’s backing] all the time but we have lost so there is a new situation. I feel the support of my players and my board. The fans will be disappointed but that is logical after four defeats.”

“For me it’s much more important that people are saying that to me,” he concluded. “I am not so interested in public sayings.”

After all, just a few days ago, the Daily Star told us:

 

LVG walks

 

Such are the facts.

 

 

Posted: 27th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester City offer Pep Guardiola £18m a year: Manchester United raid piggybank

The Sun leads with news that Pep Guardiola has been offered £18m a year to manage Manchester City, aka ‘The Brand’.

Pep’s people have “not denied having a verbal deal in place with City” – which can mean whatever you want it to mean. To the Mirror, for instance, it means that Manchester United are looking to “muscle in” on any Pep-to-City business and lure the Spaniard to Old Trafford.

The Sun also mentions United, adding that the Glazers see Pep as a “better fit” than Jose Mourinho, the sacked Chelsea boss lurking in London, desperately awaiting the United call. Who seriously thinks Jose is good fit at United? Mark Hughes is a better shape.

It’s a mad world when Manchester City can pay a manager a fortune. But getting Pep is as much about marketing as it is winning on the pitch. Pep is the starriest name in football management. If he comes, the talk will focus on what players he can attract from Spain: Messi, Neymar, Suarez et al. City will look serious.

But would any of those players want to be at City? Maybe. And that’s what City are bidding for: potential.

 

Posted: 24th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, Manchester City, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester United: tabloids turn Van Gaal into Graham Taylor

van gaal the sun sorry headlineAll that cheery speculation on when Louis Van Gaal is going to be sacked at Manchester United has got to the Dutchman.

In “I’M OFF”, the Mirror leads with his press conference – all four minutes and 58 seconds-worth of it.

As an aside, it’s odd that a tabloid should openly speculate on a man’s job. The Mirror, mired in phone hacking, is not reporting on when its leaders are going to be sacked or resign for wrongdoing. It is, though, happy to call for a football manager’s head.

The Mirror says it has “no sympathy for the Red Devil”, laying out all of Van Gaal’s faults in a charge sheet. His side have scored a “feeble 14 goals in 15 games”; he has “failed to win in six games”; he hacked Paul Gascoigne’s telephone. Sorry, got confused, there.

Over in the Express, we learn that “Louis loses it” – his cool that is. But he didn’t. Not really. He merely reminded the assembled hacks that he’s a human being and how upsetting it is to read their opinions on his looming unemployment. It was a bit like when the then England manager Graham Taylor told fans that leggy midfielder Carlton Palmer was made of flesh and bone and hurling abuse at him was out of order.

Taylor also attempted to turn the tables on the hacks. And you know how well that went, don’t you:
Graham_Taylor_Resigns_Sun

 

Van Gaal is toast.

Posted: 24th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester United: Van Gal one game away from sack as Mourinho meets Glazers

jose the sun unitedLouis Van Gaal has one match to save his Manchester United career. The Mirror leads with new that anything other than victory against Stoke City on Boxing Day will mean curtains for the Dutchman.

The paper reasons that even victory in that match will only delay the inevitable.

The Star says Van Gaal has two games left. The Sun says he’s “on the brink”. Is that three games, then?

The Mail says Van Gaal could be fired before the Stoke game.

The Express says he’s “teetering”.

All newspapers say Van Gaal is leaving. They just don’t know when.

And all agree that Jose Mourinho will replace him at Old Trafford.

No word on Mark Hughes, the Stoke manager who once graced the pitch for Man United. Why not place him in the Old Trafford hot seat? Alan Pardew? Or why not really go for it and make Eddie Howe an offer? The media have no room for foresight. It’s all same-old, same-old. Mourinho to old Trafford. Zzzzzz.

The Sun goes further than its rivals and says Jose is already talking to United.

It looks like Jose to United is very much on.

Chelsea fans still singing his name must be gutted.

Posted: 21st, December 2015 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Lord Janner: the money, the Labour party and making the dead talk

lord janner

 

Lord Janner is dead. Greville Janner, as he was named, had a career in politics and law sullied by allegations he molested children. Never tried in life Janner is, nonetheless, the subject of much judgement in death.

Daily Mirror (Page 4): “‘6 Janner ‘sex abuse victims’ to continue to fight for justice”

Readers are reminded that Janner was charged with 22 offences against nine alleged victim dating to the 1960s.

We hear nothing from his lawyers nor anyone defending the dead peer. We do get to know the views of his accusers’ lawyers. Liz Dux – a now ubiquitous media presence – says “there is an option to take this to a civil court”. She then adds, “This is not about money but the facts and the truth.” At which point you interject and remind her that the accused man is dead. The defence rests – permanently.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 21st, December 2015 | In: Politicians, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment (1)


Madeleine McCann: parents are ‘vermin’ in the Sun

mccann cyprus

 

Madeleine McCann: a look at reporting on the missing child:

The Sun: “New Maddie hunt as Kate and Gerry launch last-ditch bid using final £750k in appeal fund”

The story is, as ever, a no-news story.

KATE and Gerry McCann are set to launch a final bid to find their missing daughter when funds for the police operation to find her dry up next year.

We’ve been her before.

Scotland Yard officers and detectives in the £12million ‘Operation Grange’ investigation have been searching for information on the whereabouts of missing Maddie McCann since 2011 but funding is only guaranteed until April 2016.

And then what?

However, parents Kate and Gerry have kept back £750k to launch a final private investigation if the operation fails to find conclusive information about their daughter, who went missing in Portugal shortly before her fourth birthday in May, 2007.

No news.

And the McCanns are set to dip into this fund in the New Year as part of a last-ditch attempt to trace Maddie or uncover the truth about their missing daughter.

And on and on it goes.

What is interesting is what the Sun allows in its comments section. The story has garnered three comments. We’ve screen-grabbed them all:

 

mccanns

 

Is calling the parents “vermin” and suggesting they “did it” – whatever “it” is – allowable? Is this what the tabloids call ‘trolling’? We assume jibird65 is referring to the child’s parents and not the police

Wonder what Sun columnist Lorraine Kelly thinks of it? She wrote of “trolls” talking about the McCanns:

They have been accused of killing their own child, of hiding her body and covering up their “crime”. It would be laughable if it wasn’t so downright cruel.

I cannot begin to comprehend what would make someone even think such thoughts about a couple who have suffered such a devastating loss — never mind writing down the venomous comments and posting them on Twitter and Facebook.

Not to mention the Sun.

Labelling people who do this as “trolls” doesn’t describe the vileness of their actions. So I am heartened that the police are investigating the internet abuse directed at the McCanns.

Such are the facts.

Comments are closed.

 

 

Posted: 20th, December 2015 | In: Madeleine McCann, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Transfer balls: Muller wants Manchester United but snubs them

Manchester United can forget about singing Thomas Müller. The Times says the talented German “put an end to Manchester United’s hopes” by signing a new deal with Bayern Munich until 2021. The Times calls this a “snub” to Old Trafford.

The news also makes you wonder what the Daily Mirror was talking about when it declared in August: “Thomas Muller wants to join Manchester United”.

Posted: 19th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Chelsea: Daily Express and Daily Mirror in tabloid Q and A

What role did Eva Carneiro, the former Chelsea club doctor who left her post in controversial circumstances, play in Jose Mourinho’s downfall. In a word: none. The Spiky One was was sacked because Chelsea were losing matches and flirting with relegation.

But the tabloids turn Dr Eva v Jose into a front-page debate.

:

jose mourinho eva carneiro

 

Question asked. Question answered.

Posted: 18th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, Chelsea, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Chelsea balls: that Jose Mourinho redundancy package in full

Jose Mourinho has been sacked as Chelsea manager. But how much did he have stuffed inside his pockets as he sauntered off?

The Mail: £10m.

 

Jose Mourinho sacked money

The Sun: £18m.

Jose Mourinho sacked money

The Express: £10-£40m.

Jose Mourinho sacked money

 

 

The Mirror: £45.5m.

 

Jose Mourinho sacked money

 

In other words: they have no idea.

Posted: 18th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, Chelsea, Money, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Chelsea balls: Harry Redknapp knew and didn’t know Mourinho was being sacked

Now that Jose Mourinho has been sacked by Chelsea (again), Harry Redknapp can tell everyone he felt it coming.

In today’s Evening Standard, the former Spurs manager opines:

Jose Mourinho isn’t special any more. He can’t have any complaints if he is sacked.

redknapp mourinho

redknapp mourinho

 

This is the same Harry Redknapp who told Evening Standard readers on October 29:

Everyone wants to kick Mourinho when he is down

Screen Shot 2015-12-17 at 16.11.00

 

Mad and sensible.

Football. It’s all about consistency.

 

Posted: 17th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Tabloid sensation of the day: Anton de Beke exposes his satsumas

anton de beke

 

It’s TV’s Anton De Beke – and news of this 5-a-day.

Posted: 17th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment


Tabloid letter of the day: perving at Louise Minchin

Tabloid letter of the day:, as fond in the Daily Star:

 

louise minchin sexy

Posted: 17th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment


Daily Star: giant rats and a full Christmas holiday for £4

Good news in the Daily Star where “MUM BUYS CHRISTMAS FOR £4- and that includes all the trimmings”.

 

daily star front page

 

This is especially good news for one other Daily Star mum, whose Christmas was eaten by giant rats:

 

giant rats christmas

 

Rats cause £4 worth if damage. Read all about it!

 

Posted: 17th, December 2015 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Chelsea balls: how much it costs to sack Jose Mourinho

What would it cost Chelsea to sack Jose Mourinho?  The newspapes know.

The Daily Mail says “Roman Abramovich will be forced to pay Jose Mourinho more than £40million“.

The Mirror says sacking Mourinho “could cost £40m“.

The Express says it would cost a “staggering £37.5m“.

The Independent says, “If Mourinho were to be sacked then he may insist on his compensation being paid in full, a package that could cost Abramovich above £30m.”

The Telegraph says “Jose Mourinho due £10m compensation if he is sacked”.

Such are the facts.

 

Posted: 16th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, Chelsea, Money, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Tim Peake according to the Daily Star: a ginger loser

Major Tim Peake is in spaaaaaace. He’s Britain’s first official astronaut to fly to the International Space Station. The British Interplanetary Society says Major Tim is the seventh person born in the UK to have blasted into the great beyond. The first British astronaut was Helen Sharman.

It’s the kind of news that cannot fail to bring joy and a sense of wonder. The world looks up. And it is glorious.

Unless you read the Daily Star, which bills Major Tim as “FIRST GINGER BRIT IN SPACE”. Surely there have been other ginger Britons before Tim Peake was born? We think of Cilla Black, King Henry VIII and James Hewitt.

 

major tim 1

 

Inside, spread over pages 6 and 7, Star readers get more on Major Tim. News is that Tim is the first British astronaut – he isn’t – and was not the first ginger to be strapped to rocket and expelled from the Earth’s atmosphere. Tintin beat him to it. Tintin is a cartoon character. And a Belgian.

 

tim space man

 

Some irony that as the country looks to the stars, the Daily Star should get it so badly wrong.

Posted: 16th, December 2015 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comment


Daily Star: ‘huge rats ate our Christmas’

The Daily Star has news on rats. This week they are eating Christmas:

 

rat ate christmas star

 

News is that “monster rats” ate the Christmas presents “dad Duane Williams” had left beneath the Christmas tree at his family’s temporary council house. Of course, Xmas is not over because Santa will come with lost more gifts. Right, kids? RIGHT!

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 16th, December 2015 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comment