Anorak

The Consumer | Anorak - Part 11

The Consumer Category

We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.

The year my father got my mother a hoover for Christmas 1984

he year my father got my mother a hoover for Christmas 1984.

 

On Reddit, Mr-Irrelevance recalls Christmas 1984, when his father gifted his mother a hoover. The picture of her present is fabulous.

Below the photo, others share their gift memories:

When I was a kid my dad pulled something similar. Mom had been dropping hints for months that she wanted speakers in the kitchen. Christmas morning arrives and Dad gives Mom her big present! I remember her saying “oh I wonder what this is!?” with a big smile on her face as she began to open it. When she realized what it really was the smile faded and the twinkle was gone from her eyes. Instead of speakers dad had gotten her a fucking ironing board. She looked at him hoping it was a joke but no…Dad was really that stupid. The next day Dad went out and bought some really expensive speakers. – foxpoint

I used to work for a charity and at Christmas we would have a stall in the mall where we wrapped up gifts in return for a donation to the charity. It was mainly men who used this service. I always remember the elderly gentlemen who came over full of excitement that he’d found a present that he thought his wife really wanted – it was an ironing board cover. Not even a whole ironing board; just the cover. Imagining Christmas morning in their house made me sad. – TrappedUnderCats

Spotter: Reddit, via Flashbak

Posted: 26th, April 2017 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment


500 Years of “Vulgar Tongue” Slang In One Dictionary

Green’s Dictionary of Slang

 

If you’ve ever wondered about the meaning of obscure words, Green’s Dictionary of Slang is the place to go.

“The three volumes of Green’s Dictionary of Slang demonstrate the sheer scope of a lifetime of research by Jonathon Green, the leading slang lexicographer of our time. A remarkable collection of this often reviled but endlessly fascinating area of the English language, it covers slang from the past five centuries right up to the present day, from all the different English-speaking countries and regions. Totaling 10.3 million words and over 53,000 entries, the collection provides the definitions of 100,000 words and over 413,000 citations. Every word and phrase is authenticated by genuine and fully-referenced citations of its use, giving the work a level of authority and scholarship unmatched by any other publication in this field.

Green tells us a bout the roots of slang:

Slang is a product of the city and without cities there is no slang. London was a great city – in contemporary terms – by the 16th century, and was seen as such before that. It had upper, middle and working classes. But slang is also a product of the street, a bottom-up creation, and as such condemned as a debased and marginal lexis. In a world where printing was still a relative novelty, and books therefore tended to be devoted to the concerns of the educated and powerful, slang was simply ignored. It is my belief that just as the criminals of the 16th century used their own non-standard language, there existed alongside it a non-criminal slang vocabulary, used primarily, as it is now, by the poor.

He adds:

I would call slang a ‘counter-language’, the desire of human beings, when faced by a standard version, of whatever that may be, to come up with something different, perhaps parallel, perhaps oppositional. For me, that is what slang does in terms of language.

See more at Green’s Dictionary of Slang. I hope to featrrue his writings and work on Flashbak

Posted: 26th, April 2017 | In: Books | Comment


Air Canada bumps young boy from overbooked flight

Someone give Macaulay Culkin a hose down and get John Hughes on the phone: Home Alone has a sequel. Cole Doyle, 10, was on his way to Costa Rica last month. Travelling with his family, Cole was looking forward to sun, sea and sloths. But he was prevented from boarding the Air Canada flight because the airline had oversold tickets and bumped him from the passenger list.

His family hadn’t already all passed though checkin in, leaving young Cole alone at Charlottetown Airport. They didn’t put him on another plane – the wrong flight! – causing him to accidentally fly to North Korea. (Call me John , I have ideas.) They drove to Montreal in an effort to connect with a flight there. But that flight was cancelled. So they drove to Halifax, Nova Scotia, where they stayed overnight in a hotel and caught a flight the following day.

(John, the movie is writing itself. And get Chevy Chase.)

Air Canada has apologised and offered the family a C$2,500 voucher (£1,495), which expires in one year. The airline also paid their expenses.

An Air Canada spokeswoman tells the Vancouver Sun: ‘We are currently following up to understand what went wrong and have apologised to Mr Doyle and his family as well as offered a very generous compensation to the family for their inconvenience.”

It’s not all that generous, though, is it? Cash would have been better.

Posted: 19th, April 2017 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment


Buy a flag that went to the moon

flags apollo 15

 

Aboard the 1971 Apollo 15 mission (July 26 – August 7, 1971) was a secret stash of USA flags. Astronaut David Scott had no idea they were there. “This [hidden pouch] was apparently unknown to anybody else until the (Portable Life Support System’s Oxygen Purge System where the pouch was stowed were) disassembled after the mission by some other member of the CSD (Crew Systems Division) and the flag package was discovered,” says Scott.

 

 

And now you can buy one of these well-travelled 7.5 by 4 inch wavers.

 

Apollo 15 Commander David Scott.

 

Spotter: Collect Space, which is selling the item.

Posted: 21st, March 2017 | In: The Consumer | Comment


James Brown’s miracle cape is for sale

Start saving up. Reach down the back of the sofa. Consider getting along on one lung. James Brown’s cape is for sale. You’ll needed around £25,000 to get it.

The silver sequinned cape was gifted to the soul singer by Michael Jackson.

Anyone investing in this cape will, of course, be empowered with restorative a force that defies medical experts and the brightest minds. Picture the scene: exhausted and stumbling you reach for the warmth and security the cape gives. No sooner is it about your drooping shoulders than you feel its godly force. You are restored to full vigour.

As such we can expect to see lots of Olympic athletes, Russian tennis players and British cyclists bidding for the item. Look, ma! No needles! (Although any pills you find in the hem you use at your own risk.)

 

silver cape james brown

 

 

silver cape james brown

 

Take ’em away, James Brown:

 

Spotter: Swann Galleries.

Posted: 18th, March 2017 | In: Celebrities, Fashion, The Consumer | Comment


Fashion windows: clear knee mom jeans

Are your knees your best feature? Or perhaps you have eyes where your knees are and need to see when you’re wearing trousers? Well – finally! – help is here with ‘Clear Knee Mom Jeans’, the height of peek-a-boo denim fashion.

Clear Knee Mom Jeans from Nordstrom are imported (from where, we’re not sure?):

 

Slick plastic panels bare your knees for a futuristic feel in tapered and cropped high-waist jeans.

Clear Knee Mom Jeans

 

Clear Knee Mom Jeans

 

Spotter:

Posted: 13th, March 2017 | In: Fashion, The Consumer | Comment


Tinder Select is quarantine for every syphilis-sacked SADO

Tinder select

The VIP entrance

 

Good news, shaggers. As you swipe left and right, chances are thinner than Donald Trump’s skin you’ll encounter a Hooray Henrietta, Premier League footballer, third-world despot or SADO (sons and daughters of…) because there’s a secret breeding stables called Tinder Select.

This is where the inbreds and syphilis sufferers in the celebrity Petri dish get quarantined, leaving functioning people for the rest of us to squire.

I’d imagine Tinder Select operates bit like the mobile toilets on a Hollywood film set or the broom cupboard in a London eatery, where dynasty-building nepotists and narcissists grab a life affirming knee-trembler.

You mustn’t feel jealous of the Tinder select crowd. They’ve been out in their place to spare the rest of us.

Spotter: Engadget

Posted: 9th, March 2017 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment


TSA expects more sexual assault claims from its new pat-down search technique

To enter America, you might need to let America enter you. If the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) thinks that you’re suspicious, you get the pat down. Your genitals are cupped, your anus is probed and your breasts undergo a vigorous investigation. And it’s getting more invasive. Now TSA offices have been advised to tell police to expect more accusations of sexual assault from holidaymakers and other travellers.

 

TSA

 

The TSA’s new standardised pat-down is more “comprehensive”, says  Bloomberg. Right now, the TSA tells uniformed frotters:

TSA officers use the back of the hands for pat-downs over sensitive areas of the body. In limited cases, additional screening involving a sensitive area pat-down with the front of the hand may be needed to determine that a threat does not exist.

The front hand will now be used more frequently.

“I would say people who in the past would have gotten a pat-down that wasn’t involved will notice that the [new] pat-down is more involved,” TSA spokesman Bruce Anderson said Friday. The shift from the previous, risk-based assessment on which pat-down procedure an officer should apply was phased in over the past two weeks after tests at smaller airports, he said.

The TSA screens about 2 million people daily at U.S. airports. The agency doesn’t track how many passengers are subject to pat-down searches after they pass through an imaging scanner. People who decline to use this screening technology are automatically subject to physical searches.

While passengers may find the process more intrusive, the new screening procedure isn’t expected to increase overall airport security delays. However, “for the person who gets the pat down, it will slow them down,” Anderson said.

 

Especially if they have trouble walking afterwards.

Spotter: Consumerist

Posted: 8th, March 2017 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment


You can buy George W. Bush’s portraits of US military veterans

Former US president George W. Bush’s portrait of post-9/11 US veterans is on sale. Called Portraits of Courage: A Commander in Chief’s Tribute to America’s Warriors, all author proceeds will be donated to the George W. Bush Presidential Center, “a non-profit organization whose Military Service Initiative works to ensure that post-9/11 veterans and their families make successful transitions to civilian life with a focus on gaining meaningful employment and overcoming the invisible wounds of war”.

The book’s authorship and the eponymous ‘Center’ suggest the project is mostly about Bush, rather than the veterans. But do we mind the grandstanding so long as the hurt get help?

Can we overlook what many see as the ‘lies‘ that led to Bush declaring the “second stage of the war on terror” on 11 March 2002, six months after 9/11? The Bush administration went looking for the enemy. It identified Saddam Hussein and then hunted around for a cause to get him. Was the Iraqi leader behind 9/11? Did Saddam have Weapons of mass destruction?

Was it as New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd put it ‘the latest chapter in the culture wars, the conservative dream of restoring America’s sense of Manifest Destiny. Extirpating Saddam is about proving how tough we are to a world that thinks we got soft when that last helicopter left the roof of the American embassy in Saigon in 1975’?

 

bush portraits courage

 

Is this book a self-help book for Bush, who only continued the long-held US policy of intervening in foreign affairs?

The book’s blurb tells us:

Each painting in this meticulously produced hardcover volume is accompanied by the inspiring story of the veteran depicted, written by the President. Readers can see the faces of those who answered the nation’s call and learn from their bravery on the battlefield, their journeys to recovery, and the continued leadership and contributions they are making as civilians. It is President Bush’s desire that these stories of courage and resilience will honor our men and women in uniform, highlight their family and caregivers who bear the burden of their sacrifice, and help Americans understand how we can support our veterans and empower them to succeed.

So long as it helps, right…

Posted: 5th, March 2017 | In: Books, Politicians | Comment


The Champagne Gun: make mine a magnum

champagne gun

 

The champagne gun might be the most stupid thing we’ve ever seen. And we love it. Fire at will!

 

Posted: 22nd, February 2017 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Turning an £80 bottle of melted iceberg water into whine

I love bottled water. It makes the humble look exceptional. One Guardian writer is less impressed. She says bottled water is “ignorant, insensitive and irresponsible”. You see how interesting water has become. A simple glass of water is now steeped in meaning. You can talk about at dinner parties. Katherine Purvis says, “It’s just another ugly indicator of our world’s many inequalities”. Discuss.

We’ve reached peak bottled water. From today, for a sweet £80, Harrods will sell ‘luxury water’ harvested from icebergs off the coast of Svalbard.

If people want to spend lots of cash on bottled water, so be it.

In other hydration news to natter about, the Guardian says Brexit ‘threatens the craft beer revolution’.

The paper attempts to answer the questions they’re all asking in Sudan, ‘So what’s the best wine club to join?’ and ‘Are expensive wines worth the money?’. One writer warns that if you do spend £100 on a bottle of wine ‘you’d better be braced for sanctimony and ridicule’.

Another Guardian writer is struggling: ‘With champagne being promoted at anything between £9 and £126 this Christmas, it’s almost impossible to know what’s good value.’

No kidding.

Anyhow, mine’s a pint of melted artisan ice-berg (hold the celebrity). I’m driving.

 

Posted: 16th, February 2017 | In: Broadsheets, The Consumer | Comment


Outrage! Muslim finds pork in non halal Whitbread pub dinner

Big news on the Sun’s cover is that teetotal Muslims who eat at Brewer’s Fayre and Whitbread Inn pubs will be “outraged” to learn their beef lasagne contains pork. How many Muslims are shocked, dismayed and angered by the presence of non-kosher meats in their non-halal stomach liner could run into the single digits.

The cheesy beef lasagne is, we’re told, 8.5 percent beef and 4.5 per cent pork.

The meal is made by Creative Foods in Flint, Wales. The Sun recalls that in 2013 Creative “sold lasagne containing horse DNA to Whitbread”. Which, as any Italian will tell you, made it pretty authentic.

Posted: 10th, January 2017 | In: Strange But True, Tabloids, The Consumer | Comment


A Chinese clickfarmer at work on her apple iPhones

clickfarmer china iphone

 

If you’re too busy to tweet yourself, you can outsource the task and others to the woman above. She’s a clickfamer installing apps on a screen of Apple iphones. The more installs an app has the higher it ranks on Apple’s marketplace.

For a $11,000 one-off payment – plus  $65,000-a-week for upkeep – you too can ensure your crappy appy hits the Top 10 of free apps. You can hire a cheat / marketeer to game the system on China’s Taobao.

The original photo was tweeted on Weibo with the caption, “Hard-working App Store ranking manipulation employee.”

Apple tries to prevent PC-based iPhone emulation programs (bots) made for this purpose and bans apps that use them, so manual labor is the best way to ensure the closest simulation of actual users.

A search for “app store ranking manipulation” (刷榜 app store) on Taobao, China’s most popular C2C ecommerce site, reveals dozens upon dozens of vendors selling similar services. Their prices are listed as one yuan, but it’s more likely that the real negotiations take place through direct chat.

Can you hire out your iPhone for the day to do this? Asking for a friend.

Spotter: JWZ

Posted: 3rd, January 2017 | In: Online-PR, Technology, The Consumer | Comment


Game of Thrones spoilers

Books. Ever hear of them?  The Sun says “SHOCK LEAK Game of Thrones fans sent into a frenzy as ‘entire plot for season seven leaks online’”. Games of Thrones is based on a series of books by George R.R. Martin. If you want to know what happens in the TV version, why not just, you know, read the books?

Yes, yes, the TV version does differ from the books. Producer David Benioff says the show is “about adapting the series as a whole and following the map George laid out for us and hitting the major milestones, but not necessarily each of the stops along the way”. But you get the gist of the plot.

The Mail says “a Reddit user going by the name awayforthelads posted an enormous list of very detailed spoilers”.

How do we know to trust awayforthelads? Maybe they made it up? After all, the Sun looks at the leaks and says it is”reveals a pregnancy and a saucy romp between two main characters”. Sex in Game of Thrones is like the weather at the end of the evening news. It’s expected. As for a pregnancy, the show is about dynasties. Kids are part of the process.

And then comes the truly conniving part: the Mail wants to turn the taps open on that leak.

 

Game of thrones spoilers

 

If you want to read the leaks, you can, of course. If you enjoy escapism, you might want to pass over the leaks and just wait for the entertainment.

 

Posted: 8th, November 2016 | In: Books, Reviews, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment


Closing time at Australia’s The Grove Hill hotel

Ever go to Australia’s The Grove Hill hotel, a watering hole between Darwin and Katherine, in what might best be termed ‘the middle of nowhere’?  The place is closing. Owner Stan Heausler wanted to sell it but no buyers came forward. Now in his 80s, ‘Stan The Man’ has had enough.

He might continue to drink a bottle of rum a day, as is his won, but he won’t be doing it at the Grove.

 

 More details Grove Hill pub in February 1942 Unknown - http://www.territorystories.nt.gov.au/browse?type=location&value=Grove Hill. Grove Hill pub in February 1942

Grove Hill pub in February 1942

Stories abound about the pub “built in 1934 from materials scavenged from abandoned mining sites in the aftermath of the Great Depression.”

“We were in Victoria dredging for gold, me and Derek, and there was a total eclipse,” says one patron. “We were in the Beechworth pub, I was only 17 … He drank everyone’s beer in the bar while they were out looking at the eclipse. I had an old 350 twin motorbike and we got half a carton under each arm, but going up the hill he fell off the back. For weeks later we were picking cans off the road, picking them up every time we went into town.”

The Northern Territory hotel just existed. “It’s not a great little pub,” says Darwin restaurant owner Lars. “It’s just been here for so fucking long, no one really gives a shit. It’s just been here.”

PS: any gold left in the land, Stan? “We used to sell gold nuggets, ” he recalls, “but the locals had run out of them so we’ve got to wait for them to find some more.”

Posted: 3rd, November 2016 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment


Malaysian religious government says hot dogs are un-Islamic

Hot dogs are un-Islamic, says the Malaysian Islamic Development Department (MIDD). To receive halal certification,the MIDD, a religious government body, says hot dogs must be renamed.

MIDD’s Sirajuddin Suhaimee explains says: “In Islam, dogs are considered unclean and the name cannot be related to halal certification.”

Yes, but the hot dog contains no dogs, it being most often a composite blend of pigs’s scrotum, anus and lips.

“Malaysian halal food guidelines say halal food and halal artificial flavour shall not be named or synonymously named after non-halal products such as ham, bak kut teh, bacon, beer, rum and others that might create confusion,” he adds.

The Auntie Anne store has been refused halal certification unless it renamed its “Pretzel Dog”. Mr Suhaimee says it should be called a Pretzel Sausage”.

And in keeping with Islamic law, Auntie Anne might care to ‘circumcise’ the tip of its Fat Torpedo:

 

hot dogs auntie anne preztel islam

Warts and all

 

Posted: 20th, October 2016 | In: Reviews, Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment


For Sale at Clinton fundraiser: the Donald Trump paddle ball gag

Donald Trump paddle ball gag

 

Presidential Tat Watch spots this “Donald Trump Paddle Ball” on sale at the Gagosian’s Benefit for Clinton, Art For Hillary.

Designed by New York sculptor Elliott Arkin, the wooden paddle features a likeness of Donald Trump’s face. The mouth is open. The idea is that you smack the red rubber ball into Trump’s pie hole.

Arkin’s work references Koons’s Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer paddle ball game from 2000.  “I often use existing contemporary works to satirize. Since Koons has made that print of the Mona Lisa for this event, I thought his Rudolph paddle ball was a natural fit for Trump,” he says.

Konn’s Mona Lisa repo costs Clinton fans – get this – $50,000.

To even things up, Arkin has also made a Hillary Clinton Flash Drive an 8 megabyte flash drive in the shape of a miniature Clinton. You pop off Clinton’s noggin – decapitate it, if you will – and reveal the device.

Whether the data storage device contains any data, like emails, say, or has been accidentally wiped clean by forces unknown is unsaid.

Spotter: ArtInfo

Posted: 12th, October 2016 | In: Politicians, Reviews, The Consumer | Comment


Brexit: Guardian says Zara shoppers epitomise the working class

What does it mean to be working class? Aditya Chakrabortty knows. Having analysed the 17m people who voted to leave the European Union and found them “delusional”, he tells Guardian readers what it is to be working class:

What the pound’s weakness will chiefly achieve is to stop Britons buying as much. The middle classes will swap the wonders of the Alhambra for a week in Anglesey. The working classes will find Zara 15% more expensive.

 

working class

Tops, shits, hobnail boots and hats by Zara. Grime: models’ own

 

The working classes rather enjoy packages holidays to Spain. But, yeah, shopping at Zara is just what defines the working class, those people employed in the blue collar trades who having put food on the table and coins in the gas metre can’t afford market-stall schmutter and catalogue shopping and are forced to do with Zara fashions.

PS: In April the Guardian increased its cover price in the UK by 20p, taking the cost of the weekday print edition to £2 and Saturday edition to £2.90. The working class should form an orderly queue at the newsagents.

Posted: 12th, October 2016 | In: Broadsheets, Money, Reviews, The Consumer | Comment


Douglas Fairbanks Jnr makes Fettuccini for Four: Nobs & Nosh – Eating with the Beautiful People

Douglas Fairbanks Jnr. shares his Fettuccini for Four:

 

In 1975 Allan Warren published Nobs & Nosh – Eating with the Beautiful People featuring his photographs of stars, VIPS and toffs accompanied with recipes and their thoughts on food.

Douglas Fairbanks Jnr. shares his Fettuccini for Four:

Cook the fettuccini until aldente – not soft – and then drain well.

Add: 1 cup of thick cream, 3 tablespoons of butter, 3/4 cup of Parmesan cheese.

Mix carefully and slowly, so as not to break the fettuccini. Serve immediately.

The book is fabulous. Read it all on Flashbak.

Posted: 11th, October 2016 | In: Books, Celebrities | Comment


Arsenal’s Petr Cech sells woolly hats like the helmet he hates

You can now dress like Arsenal goalkeeper Petr Cech. The Metro calls Cech a “superb businessman” because he’s noticed the weather gets colder in winter and people buy more hats to stay warm.

The hat “looks exactly like his trademark helmet” – the lid Cech wears ever since he suffered a fractured skull playing for Chelsea in 2006.

The “PETR CECH knitted helmet” includes chin strap and “embroidered signature”.

 

cech knitted hat

 

The hat is not al that pretty. And Cech doesn’t like it.

“I would be more confident if I had it off. If you like it or not, the helmet affects your surroundings,” he told Tyden. “You have your ears covered and it makes hearing worse.”

They’ll fly of the shelves.

Posted: 9th, October 2016 | In: Arsenal, Sports, The Consumer | Comment