The Consumer | Anorak - Part 20

The Consumer Category

We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.

Jart: You can send your mother a fart in a jar

Jart fart jar


You can now spend your money to send farts in a jar – a Jart – through the post. For $10 plus shipping, you can send a crispy, airy, or juicy blow off and a note to your mother / enemy / lover.

But how do you know the fart is a genuine fart and not a lab-produced stink? The company’s website says the fart is from a backside, but fails to say which one?

Jart also say the bottled “invisble turd” lingers for 3 to 5 days!

Buyer beware.

Spotter: The Daily Dot

Posted: 14th, May 2015 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Reader photocopies his Kindle to make a more expensive physical backup



Artist Jesse England’s “E-Book Backup” project sees him photocopy his Kindle version of George Orwell’s 1984. He photocopied every page, one by one. He then uploaded the scanned copy to his Kindle.

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Posted: 12th, May 2015 | In: Books, Reviews, Technology | Comment

The Lean Muscle Suit turns wimps into bulging, venin-popping gym gods

Lean Muscle Suit


Hey, you, skinny!. Yeah, you. It’s time to get ripped, man. You need a muscles that draw you skin tighter than a Hollywood wife’s smile. But you’re too lazy and weak to work out. So why not step inside a Lean Muscle Suit?

The people at Flex Design Costumes tell us:

The Lean Muscle Suit provides a nice, slender tone and build for a more natural and realistic look and feel. Available in our full range of colors (shown here in Beige).

Flex Design muscle suits are constructed with a durable cotton/lycra or nylon/lycra unitard.

Our unique combination of materials has been carefully selected to provide a lightweight suit with great flexibility and range of motion.

Flex Design uses extra heavy duty zippers and stitching to ensure maximum quality and performance for the life of your suit.

Our muscle suits are skillfully assembled and constructed by hand, with each individual muscle carefully placed to provide the most anatomically correct suit for your height and build.

With our optional add-ons, you can create the most realistic muscle suit you’ve ever seen!

Veins: individual veins are put into place to provide an unbelievably real look and feel to each suit.

Airbrushing: contouring and highlighting give definition to each muscle group and create an outstanding suit that doesn’t need to be covered up.

Available in a range of skin tones:


Screen shot 2015-05-08 at 20.36.15



Yours for just shy of $1000.

Spotter: Cory Doctorow

Posted: 8th, May 2015 | In: The Consumer | Comment

China’s Window of the World amusement park offers a cremation simulator

"Chinese theme park sets up 'death simulator' where volunteers can experience being cremated

‘You have to be this long to die’


Chinese looking for a thrill can take the “death simulator” at the Window of the World amusement park in Shenzhen, China. The Indy reports:

Once inside (a coffin), players are then blasted by hot air (up to 40C) and light to create an “authentic experience of burning,” according to its creators, Huange Weiping and Ding Rui.

When the “burning” is over, volunteers see a womb projected on the ceiling and must crawl until they reach a large, white padded area – supposedly representing a womb – where they are “reborn”.

It’s a bit like getting a fake tan in your clothes…



Posted: 8th, May 2015 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment

Woman delighted to find cocaine in Nature Valley granola bar

Now testing

Now testing


Public Health UK take note: granola bars in Texas come with free cocaine.

“It’s a somewhat disturbing case,” says Sgt. Javier Salazar of the San Antonio Police Department. “You think of a child getting a hold of a package that’s got interesting symbols on it, dollar signs in this case, and ingesting something like cocaine that could have a possibly dangerous effect, maybe even deadly on a child.”

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Posted: 8th, May 2015 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment

Prepare to vomit with embarrassment: ‘Taste & Colour’ by Green & Black’s is every sense of terrible

As Robert Popper says: “Prepare to vomit with embarrassment”:

We’re celebrating the launch of Green & Black’s THIN Dark 70% with Michel Roux Jr, Tom Kitchin, Emilia Fox, and sisters Jasmine and Melissa Hemsley, as they talk about their love of food through the lens of colour.

You go down the list under a few celebs says ‘yes’:


Posted: 30th, April 2015 | In: The Consumer | Comment

The selfie stick is over: all hail the selfie arm

I got given a selfie stick and found it to be very good at lying around the place as clutter. Far better is Aric Snee and Justin Crowe’s Selfie Arm. This way you can look as if all your friends are not in the photo- or you;re haning out with Thing.


selfie arm


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Posted: 28th, April 2015 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Nothing says RIP than putting your dead lover’s ashes inside a glass dildo

death dildo

Last of the red-hot lovers


Good news, deadsters. You can carry on shagging after you’ve stopped breathing. Mark Sturkenboom’s “21 grams memory box” has a box for the widow or widower in need of company. It contains: a diffuser for the deceased’s perfume, an iPod dock to play “your” songs, a necklace on which to keep the key and an urn shaped like a dildo ready on contain 21 grammes of the dead lover’s red-hot ashes.

Says Mark:

“I sometimes help an elderly lady with her groceries and she has an urn standing near the window with the remains of her husband. She always speaks with so much love about him but the jar he was in didn’t reflect that at all.”


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Posted: 27th, April 2015 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment

Liverpool keep Jordan Henderson but will Nivea stick by their man?

Jordan Henderson Nivea


Jordan Henderson has penned a new five-year deal to play for Liverpool. Good news for Liverpool fans. And at £100,0o0-a-week, it’s good news for Henderson, who will just be able to afford a season ticket at top-flight boxing. (Tickets for the Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao’s fight are yours for £100,000 each. It makes £60 to watch your team play Arsenal at the Emirates look like a steal.)

Writing in the Times, Giles Smith wonders if Henderson is going to re-sign for another of his clients: Nivea.

…a deal that has already yielded comedy gold. Indeed, if there was a Bafta for Best Look To Camera By A Footballer In A Narrative-Based Commercial (and now there should be), Henderson would have swept it away for a lifetime.

It is a cracker:



But what does it all mean for men? It’s the decline of man: the steady emasculation of our role models.

Posted: 25th, April 2015 | In: Liverpool, Reviews, Sports, The Consumer | Comment

Diner finds used sink plug in her Hog’s Breath salad

salda plug


Things Found In Food spots a sink plug in a salad.

The diner at Brisbane, Australia’s Hog’s Breath Cafe got an old plug in her salad. You have to wonder what vegetable the chef thinks the plug resembles?

The eatery’s ggeneral manager Ross Worth offers up an explanation:

“Food hygiene is a top priority for the company. The plug came from a sanitised ice food bath that was designated for fresh produce such as lettuce and tomatoes to be washed in. On that day the staff members have pulled fresh produce out of the bath and accidently pulled the plug with it. The business owner has re-trained his staff on the right processes to make sure this doesn’t ever happen again. As for the customer’s complint that kitchen staff thought it was funny I can’t comment if they were laughing – I would guess not.It’s not a laughing matter, and I’d like to think they wouldn’t laugh.”

Conclusion: don’t order the mushrooms.

Posted: 23rd, April 2015 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment

Discover why in 1977 The Woodlands was ‘The Safest Town In America’ (Video)

The woodlands


In 1977, The Woodlands, a suburb of Houston, was the Safest town in America:



The Afflictor notes:

The Woodlands, a master-planned suburb of Houston established in 1974, was the bleeding edge of quantified smart homes, as each unit was wired and connected. The monitoring was still external then, the way pacemakers originally were.

The Woodlands is still there. And you could be there, too. This 2014 video is by The Woodlands Development Company:



Spotter: Flashbak

Posted: 22nd, April 2015 | In: The Consumer | Comment

That’s (not) Entertainment: how TV killed The Jam



That’s NOT Entertainment!

For some time now our happy island nation has, slowly but surely, been invaded by an uninvited and unwelcome breed.

This is nothing to do with immigration, asylum-seekers, refugees, the EU or any of the other supposed threats that exercise the newspapers at election time.

No, this is an insidious invasion that has targeted our TV screens, and in particular the advertisements, ‘trails’ and promotional montages that seem to take up as much time as the programmes they punctuate…

The invaders are instantly recognizable by their distinctive singing style: breathy, slightly flat, sometimes with an ‘emotive’ crack in the voice. Their songs are, variously: drippy, dippy, dull and dreary. They are invariably accompanied by willfully amateurish acoustic guitar. This formula is used to advertise everything from white goods to Barclays’ revolting ‘thank you’ to ‘real football fans’.

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Posted: 20th, April 2015 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer, TV & Radio | Comment

Live slow die whenever: the sloth teabag is here

sloth tea


Do you like slow tea? Do you like your tea to seep in the manner of sloth sweat (which is very hard stuff to find)? foodiggity has created these sloth tea bags.

“Live slow die whenever,” says the sloth as he’s lowered bum-first into a boiling hot cup of water. For ‘whenever’ read ‘soon’ as the perforations let the steming brew flood in and the flavour flood out…


Screen shot 2015-04-19 at 20.12.28

Spoter: Amazon

Posted: 19th, April 2015 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Pony power: highlights of Top Gear erotica fan fiction

Top gear erotic


Hold on your Top Gear hair it’s going to be bumpy ride as we look at Top Gear erotic fan fiction. Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May are away…

This is from a work entitled Clutch:


Screen shot 2015-04-09 at 15.46.56



“At first he thought the taut muscles and slender hips belonged to a girl. But, aroused, he strode closer and recognised the unmistakable frame of his friend Jeremy.”

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Posted: 9th, April 2015 | In: Books, TV & Radio | Comment

Nazi leader Hermann Goering’s sweating, stained suit is for sale

Hermann Goering uniform

Hermann Goering uniform


Anyone with £85,000 to spend can invest in the uniform sported by Nazi leader Hermann Goering. The suit worn by the man who founded the Gestapo is being sold by Parade Antiques, in Plymouth, Devon.

Owner John Cabello tells the Times the outfit is covered in stains and stretch marks.

“He also had a habit of putting his left hand into his pocket. The wear on the left pocket is substantially more than the right.”

Anyone got an idea why that is?


Hermann Göring, German Nazi politician and military leader, 1932.

Hermann Göring, German Nazi politician and military leader, 1932.


Posted: 7th, April 2015 | In: The Consumer | Comments (2)

You can buy 3D chocolate Easter eggs of your face

EASter face


Want to eat your face in chocolate egg form? Bompas & Parr have news:

Just in time for Easter, Bompas & Parr invites you to explore the possibilities of the world’s first anatomical Easter eggs – in the shape of your own face! Eat My Face is a hands-on-face service that will see us create an exact mould of you or your child, mistress or dog’s face for that matter, in chocolate.

By using the latest facial-scanning and 3D-printing technology and employing our expertise honed in jelly mould-making, we are able to create a perfect mould of anyone’s face which can then be used to create an iconic chocolate egg form.


Spotter: Munchies

Posted: 5th, April 2015 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Kickstarter: polish a turd with the Poop ‘n Pull Potty trainer

Poop 'n Pull.

Best wash your hands before yanking that chain, kids


Mums and dads are invited to “turn your child’s potty training milestone into a fun, interactive and successful experience”.

But how can you polish a turd? Why, with Poop ‘n Pull. The Ultimate Potty Training Experience.

Heather & Josh Moffatt want to talk crap with you.

We want to use Kickstarter to help other parents share the incredible success we’ve seen with the Poop ‘n Pull Potty Training Experience.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 25th, March 2015 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment

Daily Mail invites readers to perv at ‘underge’ American Apparel model in her underwear

Irony overload in the Daily Mail, which brings news that an advert by fashion company American Apparel has had “ANOTHER advert banned, this time for ‘too sexy’ photos of underage-looking model in thong bodysuit”.

The Daily Mail hates looking at sexualised underage girls and ogling them. You can see how much it hates leering at underage girls here, herehere, herehere and here.

So, how does it choose to illustrate this apparent horror? Why, by publishing a photo of the American Apparel advert and zooming on the model’s primary sexual characteristics:


American apparel banned advert daily mail


American apparel banned advert daily mail



Posted: 18th, March 2015 | In: Fashion, Reviews | Comment

Man busted for dipping cotton wool on McDonald’s coffee and rubbing them over his skin

To a McDonald’s in Roseburg, Oregon, where coffee is a perfume:


Meanwhile at McDonald's in Roseburg, Oregon

Posted: 15th, March 2015 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment

The beast milk facial bar opens in Chicago

breast milk facial


Got breast milk? Got a face? Then you can save $$$$ of skin treatments. But if you still want to be pampered, then head down to Chicgao spa Mud. Shama Patel, Mud’s founder, tells us:

“I really wanted to come up with something that was quick, effective, that appealed to the urban city girl…There are so many mommy blogs out there that talk about using breast milk to basically help with skin conditions.”

The milk is famed at “certified milk banks”.


File under: jug ears.


Posted: 10th, March 2015 | In: Fashion | Comment