Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
He tells the Evening Standard:
“The pictures are horrific but give a far more drastic and violent impression of what took place…
“About a week ago, we were sitting outside a restaurant having an intense debate about the children, and I held Nigella’s neck repeatedly while attempting to emphasise my point. There was no grip, it was a playful tiff. Nigella’s tears were because we both hate arguing, not because she had been hurt. We had made up by the time we were home. The paparazzi were congregated outside our house after the story broke yesterday morning, so I told Nigella to take the kids off till the dust settled.”
The story does not end there. Ever since the Sunday People published the photos, the story has been a cause of chatter. The Sunday Mirror even made a joke of it all, punning that TV cook Nigella was at “BOILING POINT“.
A few days on and vain arsehat Nick Griffin, the BNP’s monocular tosser, who thanks to the democratic experiment has the mandate from 120,139 voters, tweets:
If I had the opportunity to squeeze Nigella Lawson, her throat wouldn’t be my first choice.
The Mirror gets wind of that stupid comment and reports:
Controversial politician makes derogatory sexual comment about celebrity chef
Others would surely prefer to look at the fact that Griffin fancies a Jewish mother of two. (Griffin claimed he fell out with Tyndall over the latter’s policy on Muslims: “Because he hated Jews so much, he thought Muslims couldn’t be all that bad if they didn’t like Jews” – Times)
But let’s not analyse the pillock. Let’s just note that the Mirror made its own joke at a time when it appeared to be alleging that Nigella had been the victim of domestic violence. Classy stuff.
The Express picks up on the story. It thunders: “Outrage as BNP leader Nick Griffin makes sick joke about Nigella Lawson on Twitter”.
This would be the Express whose sister paper the Daily Star once backed the EDL? The Express that asked of Nigella, “So has TV’s yummy cook out a bit too much in her tummy?” Is this the Express whose sister organ, Channel X, is showing this week such right-on films as Angel’s Gutter Girls, Skint Students and St Teenycums Nymphic Games 1? Is that the same Express outraged by “derogatory sexual comment about the celebrity chef?
The Daily Mail once invited us to look at Nigella’s “jumbo knees”. And ITV infamously tweeted: [Nigella Lawson] is “nowhere near as attractive as she thinks she is”.
Be outraged by Nick Griffin. Be more outraged that people actually elected him to be an MEP (one reason to quit the EU, surely, Mr Farage). But if you are going to outraged by sexism, recognise that it’s not only racial bigots who champion it…
GET ready to mock a man who thinks he can talk to the ether. TV psychic Derek Acorah cancelled a show earlier this month due to “unforeseen circumstances”.
THE CELEBRITY Police Force has been summoned to hang out with Nigella Lawson and her husband Charles Saatchi. Yesterday’s pictures of Saatchi with his hand about the TV cook’s have led to CPF action. The Mirror, which broke the story, thunders from its front page:
“Police Probe Nigella Choke Attack”
PETER Andre’s life is an episodic, deadline-driven journey of self-discovery. In his Now magazine column Andre was talking about Justin Bieber being accompanied to a basketball game with a man so big his Everest mountaineers call him ‘The Big One”.
“When I was younger, I went through a stage where I always had two bodyguards but when I got older, I realised its counter-effective, because it actually draws more attention to you!”
And that’s why ITV2′s Peter Andre no longer needs a pair of bodyguards…
In this photo proof that Liberace’s young lover Scott Thorson had a love affair with Michael Jackson?
THE Liberace biopic Behind the Candelabra tells the story of the pianist and his lover Scott Thorson (pictured above in a Boston eatery back in 1981). Predictably, Thorson has been promoting the hell out of himself. The highlight of his memory banks is his tale of a six-year long romance with Michael Jackson.
“Liberace introduced me and Michael in the late 1970s. It was right around the time Thriller was coming out and Michael and I became lovers. Our relationship went on for six or seven years. Michael was very generous too. He treated me well. Liberace and I had both undergone plastic surgery around the same time Michael underwent a nose job because he didn’t think he was handsome. We all healed together at the Liberace compound in Palm Springs.”
It’s a wonderful tableau. But can it be true.
PopBitch has produced proof that Thorson and Jackson met and hung out together. In this 1981 photo, Scott Thorson is sitting next to Michael Jackson, being driven around Beaulieu Motor Museum with Liberace by Lord Montagu of Beaulieu.
Liberace did love a big car. Her he is posing with a a one-of-a-kind 1956 Rolls-Royce Silver Cloud I on Feb. 21, 1985. The car was originally designed for Elizabeth Taylor, Jackson’s close pal. Isn’t Hollywood wonderfully incestuous…
PHOTOSHOP. ASk for it on prescription:
Kanye West: ‘I got the answers. I understand culture. I am the nucleus’ and other self-deprecating funnies from his NY Times interview
IS Kanye West a work of parody? These are highlight of his interview in the NY Times:
Anytime I’ve had a big thing that’s ever pierced and cut across the Internet, it was a fight for justice. Justice. And when you say justice, it doesn’t have to be war. Justice could just be clearing a path for people to dream properly. It could be clearing a path to make it fair within the arena that I play. You know, if Michael Jordan can scream at the refs, me as Kanye West, as the Michael Jordan of music, can go and say, “This is wrong.”
I remember when both Gnarls Barkley and Justin [Timberlake] lost for Album of the Year, and I looked at Justin, and I was like: “Do you want me to go onstage for you? You know, do you want me to fight” —
On Heroic Justice:
I am so credible and so influential and so relevant that I will change things. So when the next little girl that wants to be, you know, a musician and give up her anonymity and her voice to express her talent and bring something special to the world, and it’s time for us to roll out and say, “Did this person have the biggest thing of the year?” — that thing is more fair because I was there.
On Being Mr Kim, Kardashian:
I’m like, the anti-celebrity, and my music comes from a place of being anti.
I would hear stories about Steve Jobs and feel like he was at 100 percent exactly what he wanted to do, but I’m sure even a Steve Jobs has compromised. Even a Rick Owens has compromised. You know, even a Kanye West has compromised. Sometimes you don’t even know when you’re being compromised till after the fact, and that’s what you regret.
On His Music:
Creative output, you know, is just pain. I’m going to be cliché for a minute and say that great art comes from pain. But also I’d say a bigger statement than that is: Great art comes from great artists. There’s a bunch of people that are hurt that still couldn’t have made the album that was super-polarizing and redefined the sound of radio.
The idea of Kanye and vanity are like, synonymous. But I’ve put myself in a lot of places where a vain person wouldn’t put themselves in. Like what’s vanity about wearing a kilt?
On The Wonder of Me:
I sat down with a clothing guy that I won’t mention, but hopefully if he reads this article, he knows it’s him and knows that out of respect, I didn’t mention his name: this guy, he questioned me before I left his office:, “If you’ve done this, this, and this, why haven’t you gone further in fashion?” And I say, “I’m learning.” But ultimately, this guy that was talking to me doesn’t make Christmas presents, meaning that nobody was asking for his [stuff] as a Christmas present. If you don’t make Christmas presents, meaning making something that’s so emotionally connected to people, don’t talk to me.
I would rather sit in a factory than sit in a Maybach.
I want to tell people, “I can create more for this world, and I’ve hit the glass ceiling.” If I don’t scream, if I don’t say something, then no one’s going to say anything, you know? So I come to them and say, “Dude, talk to me! Respect me!”
I think what Kanye West is going to mean is something similar to what Steve Jobs means. I am undoubtedly, you know, Steve of Internet, downtown, fashion, culture. Period. By a long jump. I honestly feel that because Steve has passed, you know, it’s like when Biggie passed and Jay-Z was allowed to become Jay-Z.
I’ve been connected to the most culturally important albums of the past four years, the most influential artists of the past ten years. You have like, Steve Jobs, Walt Disney, Henry Ford, Howard Hughes, Nicolas Ghesquière, Anna Wintour, David Stern.
I think that’s a responsibility that I have, to push possibilities, to show people: “This is the level that things could be at.” So when you get something that has the name Kanye West on it, it’s supposed to be pushing the furthest possibilities. I will be the leader of a company that ends up being worth billions of dollars, because I got the answers. I understand culture. I am the nucleus.
On confidence issues…
REMEMBER the thrill of your teacher telling you that classwork was going to stop in favour of watching a film? Well, one teacher in France decided he’d do that with his class of 11 year-olds and showed them violent horror flick, Saw.
He’s suspended now. Of course he is.
Apparently, Jean-Baptiste Clément told his students: “This will be your first horror film.” It goes without saying that at least one pupil ended up at home looking distinctly unwell.
“He returned from school on Monday evening, visibly in some discomfort, not well,” said the father. “I asked him and he told me his maths teacher had shown them a horror film during class. At the moment the teachers are having staff meetings and parent-teacher meetings, so their classes are cut short and interrupted a bit.”
The father then went to the authorities.
Clement was suspended on Tuesday while the school investigated and will probably face further punishment. “We’re in the process of seeing what sort of legal measures we might be able to take in this case,” said a spokesperson for the school in Hauts-de-Seine.
If you haven’t seen Saw, it involves a masked serial killer who makes people perform gruesome acts on themselves as part of some dreadful sadistic ritual. If you ever went to Cambridge University law school, you’ll know the kind of thing…
Paris Jackson: Sun agony aunt wants Michel Jackson’s suicidal daughter kept out of public eye – Sun splashes her on front page
WHEN news reached the Sun that Michael Jackson’s daughter Paris Jackson had tried to kill herself, the paper splashed the 15-year-old over its front page.
Over pages 4 and 5, the Sun told readers of her “cry for help”, pointed to “marks on her arms” and linked the suicide attempt to a family row. Readers were also invited to study three photographs of Paris.
I still really like Dina Goldstein’s series on Fallen Princesses, a dystopian, Hollywoodisation of the fairy tale dreamers…
In 1989 The Stone Roses Ian Brown and John Squire were interviewed by Music Box – it was brilliantly awful
IN 1989, Ian Brown and John Squire of The Stone Roses were interviewed for Music Box. It was awkward. The interviewer comes across like a therapist or headteacher talking to naughty teenagers. Brown smiles warmly:
GILD the cobbles and have the staff set the sun to 78 degrees over Cap Ferat. Tamara Eccelstone, 28, has found a new way to spunk her dad, billionaire F1 boss Bernie’s piles of cash. She’s getting married.
When her sister Petra married James Stunt she moved into a house so large it had its own seat at the UN. Petra told us about the place she called home:
“I did have a wrapping room, but I can’t giftwrap, so it was useless.’ On the other hand, ‘we’ve kept the gym, beauty salons, the bowling alley and the cinema. But we’ve only used the cinema once and I’ve never been in the pool.”
LOVE is… Donald Featherstone and his wife Nancy have been wearing matching outfits for the past 35 years.
RICHARD BLACKWOOD is getting something shoved up his bum on the telly AGAIN. The star has agreed to be rectally examined live on This Morning today. Bosses have roped in the comic, once dubbed Britain’s answer to Eddie Murphy, in an effort to raise awareness of prostate cancer. It is the second time Richard has had something inserted into his backside for TV. He had a coffee enema for Channel 5’s Celebrity Detox Camp ten years ago.
Other talented arseholes working in showbiz must be green with envy.
PS – If the 1970s were a different world as far as the attitude to sex was concerned, the current age will be remembered as the one where what once went on in the privacy of star’s BBC studios is now a public service announcement.
And then it happened. In looking for a picture of Blackwood to illustrate the story of his talented bum hole, we realised that the man is a frustrated proctologist. The man’s fingers and thumbs are primed and ready. His anus might be a meme:
FLASHBACK to June 5 1986: Boy George is on the A Team.
The original AP caption runs:
Boy George on the Range in The A-Team. British pop star Boy George, left, guest-stars as himself at Saugus, California near Los Angeles, United States, when Faceman (Dirk Benedict, center) inadvertedly books his Culture Club band into a town or rowdy cowboys hankering for some down home music and Hannibal (George Peppard, right) tries to give ‘em what they want, in ‘Cowboy George’ which will be broadcast on NBC/TV’s The A-Team on Tuesday, June 17, 1986. Mr. T., second from right.
IN OK!’s front-page story from April 16, 2012, Jessica Simpson “opens up about her beautiful girl“. It’s all illustrated by a picture of Simpson snuggling a baby. No. Not hers. This baby – a boy also Christopher – belongs to Christopher Hurst and Tracy Gregory of Louisiana. And being Americans, they’ve responded in the way their country demands: they’re suing Simpson, OK! Magazine and Getty Images for using the photo of their child without their permission.
The picture was from way back in 2011, when Simpson was at the Dillard’s outlet in Metairie. While waiting to meet Simpson, the Christopher Senior and his teenage daughter were offered the chance for a private picture of Jessica and their baby son. The man from Getty snapped away.
The Times-Picayune reports on the appeal:
“In the case of Christopher Hurst, OK! magazine paid him nothing, despite clear intention to mislead some or all of the consuming public into believing the photograph on the cover of the subject issue was actually Simpson’s first child.”
CULTURE Club’s Boy George, Mikey Craig, and Roy Hay posed for a photo posted on The (Nice Yiddisher) Boy’s Facebook page today.
Jon Moss was not there.
If you see any terrible tributes, please let us know.
Spotter:The World’s Best Ever
POLICEMEN can be a bit dour, but one PC in Birmingham decided he’d liven things up by singing the general public some songs. Regrettably, he chose the songbook of Oasis.
A passer-by filmed PC Ian Northcott’s performance of Wonderwall and the policeman said: “It was such a lovely day, everyone seemed happy, it just felt such a natural thing to do.”
“Noel would have been proud I hope.”
PC Northcott’s impromptu gig wasn’t his first, he added:
“I’ve got to know a few of the city’s buskers and have joined them before to play. We are always looking for ways to break down barriers between the police and the public and this was certainly one of them.”
Next step: 21 Seconds by So Solid Crew.
SO. Now we know. The Sun’s Fake Sheik lured Tulisa Contostavlos into a false sense of security by telling her he had lined up a Bollywood deal worth £8m. The hoaxers didn’t just hire a suite at the Grosvenor House Hotel on Park Lane. The Sunday People says they flew her “around the world by private jet during two months of negotiation”.
What looked like a sting that caught Tulisa off guard and thumb a nose at the drugs trade – it’s alleged she facilitated a cocaine deal – turns out to be an elaborate plot to cut a successful young woman down to size. To recap: Tulisa did not take drugs. She is alleged to have just helped a fake Bollywood executive get some at their request.
This swiftly led to the arrest of Tulisa and a bloke called Mike GLC.
“EGGSTEMIST” Natalie Holt enlivened Richard and Adam’s crooning on the Britain’s Got Talent live finale by chucking eggs at Simon Cowell. Britain’s Got Talent Holt says she did it because she was upset at being asked to pretend to play the violin on stage. She says it was a “stand against people miming on television and against Simon Cowell and against his influence on the music industry.”
Natalie is 30. In the clip below she’s grinning as she chucks the eggs. It’s almost as if – as if – it was a stunt. If it wasn’t, why didn’t Natalie do something less telegenic, like stick her fingers down her throat and throw up or read aloud a letter full of Cowell’s limp put downs for the losers he once would have wilfully signed (see his work with Roland Rat, Chaos, Girl Thing, and Robson and Jerome) and asked him why none of the eligible bachelor’s lovers kiss ‘n’ tell. Who needs a super-in junction when you’re pernickety Simon Cowell?
Holt went with raw eggs. Cowell should have caught them unbroken before the cameras pan around to see the crowd agog at this talent. Or else fellow judge David Walliams might have lept across the bench uttering an action film hero’s “Noooooooooooooo!” as he took a pelting in the face for the leader.
As it was, Cowell said he just removed his jacket, which had a spot of egg on it. Holt apologised. And the Sun invited someone called Storm Lee to tell us:
“A lot of people would like to egg Simon. His influence is such that if you are not liked by him as a musician you are out of luck.”
If he likes you, you get to be big as Cheeky Monkeys, Janey Cutler, Kieran Gaffney, Kieran Gaffney, Only Boys Aloud, Ronan Parke, Connie Talbot, Nikitta Angus, Austin Drage…
DUE to unforeseen circumstances TV psychic and future teller Derek Acorah will not be appearing in Fire.
IN 1958, Hollywood hunk Rock Hudson was talking to his wife Phyllis. Hudson was 32. In 1985, he died from Aids. He had been living a lie. He was gay. The Hollywood Reporter claims to have gotten hold of the transcripts of a recording made by a private detective named Fred Otash who had bugged Hudson’s apparent chat with Phyllis at her request:
CONTINUING our occasional look at Sesame Street, arguably the greatest ever children’s TV show, we look back at Philip Glass’s appearance on it.
Geometry of Circles is a series of unnumbered animation pieces created for Sesame Street in 1979. Cathryn Aison commissioned Philip Glass to write music for animation based on her storyboard which had been submitted to and approved by Edith Zornow of CTW.
The shorts consist of the movement of six circles (each with a different color of the rainbow) that are formed by and split up into various geometric patterns. Glass’s music underscores the animation in a style that closely resembles the “Dance” numbers and the North Starvignettes written during the same time period as hisEinstein on the Beach opera.
The film has featured in public screenings and museum exhibits. In October 2012, the third movement from the film was included in the “Century of the Child: Growing by Design, 1900–2000″ exhibit at the Museum of Modern Art in New York City.