Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
DID you hear the news that Philip Seymour Hoffman has died? When did you hear it? Was it a couple of days ago?
Was it about the same time you heard that Vin Diesel was dead?
Or Jessica Simpson had died?
Or any of these famous faces?
On February Vin Diesel’s rep told one and all: “He joins the long list of celebrities who have been victimized by this hoax. He’s still alive and well, stop believing what you see on the Internet.” Hoffman’s rep said thd same.
What kind of a pillock makes up stories about people being dead and then solves the mystery as a scoop? Is this mentally negligible dolt they having second thoughts about their hobby now that one of their targets has died?
Philip Seymour Hoffman has died. He was a great actor – one of the finest of his generation.
IN 1995, Philip Seymour Hoffman played Bernardo, Horatio and Laertes in Todd Louiso’s 1995 version of Tom Stoppard’s 1976 play The Fifteen Minute Hamlet. Stoppard has enjoyed a hit with his Hamlet spin-off Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. In this play, Stoppard strips down Shakespeare’s play into 13 minutes – plus a two-minute encore.
SID Vicious was immortalised in plastic and nylon. He had his own doll. We love a celebrity love doll here at Anorak. But our list of the most unusual action figures omits this wonder once on sale in New York’s Greenwich Village, the place where Vicious breathed his last in 1979.
The Sid Vicious doll – ‘or is it Gary Glitter after a debilitating stroke?’
Spotter: Danny Baker @prodnose
THE whole story around the Ian Watkins trial has been ghoulish and difficult to read about. Aside from the obvious victims involved, you have to feel for fans of The Lostprophets, Watkins’ band mates and those who worked with them, unknowing of what went on. The whole tale is beyond grim at every level.
People’s response to the whole thing isn’t helping either, determined to find out every grisly detail, just to stoke their own horror at it all, so they can attempt some kind of moral highground online, to people who already agree with them.
A Black Gnostic Introduction To Sun Ra And His Archestra: Space Is the Place For Saturn’s Angel Race
BEFORE cosmic ordering became the celebrities’ guiding light, there was Sun Ra, jazz maestro of Saturn’s Angel Race. He was not from Earth. He was from Saturn. Sun Ra was born into Alabama’s deep segregation. He was named Herman Poole Blount. But as he said: “That’s an imaginary person, never existed … Any name that I use other than Ra is a pseudonym.”
Sun Ra was the cosmic leader of The Solar Myth Arkestra, His Cosmo Discipline Arkestra, the Blue Universe Arkestra, The Jet Set Omniverse Arkestra and all manner of Arkestras. The line-ups changed to reflect his changing music. Right now, the Sun Ra Arkestra boasts over 20 “tone scientists”.
The Arkestra were for hire. Take a card:
Want to hear him?
Filmed in Chicago & finished in 1959, The Cry of Jazz is filmmaker, composer and arranger Edward O. Bland’s polemical essay on the politics of music and race – a forecast of what he called “the death of jazz.”
IN 1964 Isaac Asimov was wondering about the future. What would the world be like 50 years hence? Asimov put down his idea for the The New York Times. Of course, this professor of biochemistry at Boston University wrote hundreds of books and letters. Maybe if you trained 500 monkeys to write sci-fi and fantasy one of them would crete a cogent vision for mankind in 2064.
(One report calculates that for the 35 years after the mid 1950s, Asimov belted out 90 words a minute, eight hours a day, seven days a week.)
But Asimov was not in the habit of making random words into lucky patterns. Well, not always. He did say: “I write as a result of some inner compulsion, and I’m not always in control of it.”
Motorcars never have woken in the night to race off to auto sex orgies.
On August 16, 1964, Asimov shared with NY Times’ readers his reactions to a visit to the World’s Fair 0f 2014. The Worlds;’ Fair had opened in New York. His writing was on a theme.
HATE to break it to you ’80s nostalgiaists, but Back To The Future sucks. Basically, the whole story is about a boy who looks like he’s thirty, getting his own way like some brat, nearly getting off with his mum, stealing the invention of rock ‘n’ roll from the true innovators and gave birth to irritating people demanding hoverboards because we now live in the future.
And now, all the terrible action will be recreated in a stage musical, set to debut in London’s West End in 2015. Hopefully, it’ll be like Planet Of The Apes: The Musical, as seen in The Simpsons.
Good news for fans though as Robert Zemeckis, who co-wrote and directed the ’85 flick, will be reuniting with co-writer Bob Gale to recreate it for the stage.
THE Brit Awards – the British recording industry’s lavish work’s do – is less than 3 weeks away and a slurry of famous faces will be trudging through the doors of the O2 Arena, hiding cocaine in their underwear, getting wasted in front of their label bosses and making unpleasant sexual advances toward interns.
WOMEN don’t have any agency. They don’t choose to have children nor are they capable of rejecting the advances of rich men. Women are wombs to be squirted in to and then used. Women are basically cattle. Welcome to the world of the Daily Mail as most recently articulated by the paper’s newest woman-who-hates-woman, Sarah Vine.
Shipped in to throw shade like an angry ancient oak, Vine’s latest target is Hugh Grant, an old enemy of the Daily Mail’s whose campaigning with Hacked Off has further enraged the potato-faced Paul Dacre. As it goes I don’t agree with Grant’s characterisation of the press, his advocacy for regulatory regimes that would bring the press dangerously close to state control nor his belief that he’s above scrutiny. However, Sarah Vine’s characterisation of his private life, the women he is involved with and his children is vile.
IN 1974 the Reverend David A. Noebel put own in words his thought on The Beatles. These thoughts were deep enough to form an entire book, The Marxist Minstrels: A Handbook on Communist Subversion of Music.
Who is Rev. Noebel? We turn to the back of the book:
Rev. David Noebel, Associate Evangelist of Billy James Hargis and Dean of the Christian Anti-Communist Summer University, The Summit, Manitou Springs, Colorado, is the author of this excellent study. When Dr. Hargis discovered Rev. Noebel and recognized his leadership ability, the author of this book was pastor of a Bible Church in Madison, Wisconsin, where he was also working on his Doctorate of Philosophy at the University of Wisconsin. Rev. Noebel enthusiastically joined Dr. Hargis’s team and has become a leading spokesman for Christian Crusade in recent months.
That same year, he penned Rock ‘N’ Roll: A Prerevolutionary Form of Cultural Subversion.
These followed other works, like the 1966 panic reader Rhythm Riots and Revolution and 1969’s The Beatles: A Study in Drugs, Sex and Revolution. The artwork on this is fabulous.
But Communism, Hypnotism, and The Beatles is hard to beat. In it we learn:
“And, since our teenagers under Beatlemania will actually riot, it is imperative to understand the basic underlying philosophy of the Beatles. Are they susceptible to the enemies of our Republic?”
The subtitle to his insight is “Analysis of the Communist Use of Music – the Master Plan”.
The Beatles as Communists? The Beatles who sang:
Let me tell you how it will be,
There’s one for you, nineteen for me,
‘Cause I’m the Taxman,
Yeah, I’m the Taxman.
Should five per cent appear too small,
Be thankful I don’t take it all.
‘Cause I’m the Taxman,
Yeah, I’m the Taxman.
(If you drive a car ), I’ll tax the street,
(If you try to sit ), I’ll tax your seat,
(If you get too cold ), I’ll tax the heat,
(If you take a walk ), I’ll tax your feet.
You see, rock ‘n’ roll is making your Communists and gay. Pop is “un-Christian, mentally unsettling, revolutionary and a medium for promiscuity”.
And that’s why we love it!
In 1965, Newsweek covered Noebel in an article called Beware The Red Beatles:
Fluoridation, mental-health programs, and the United Nations are, as every Right-thinking fundamentalist well knows, insidious Communist plots to soften up America for the Bolshevik takeover. But by dint of ‘hard intelligence’, a 28-year-old Wisconsin preacher, on tour for Billy Hargis’s Christian Crusade says he has unearthed a more subtle Communist ploy -the Beatles.
“In the excitatory state that the Beatles place these youngsters into, these young people will do anything they are told to do . . . One day when the revolution is ripe,’ the minister warns in dark, apocalyptic tones, ‘they [the communists] could put the Beatles on TV and [they] could mass hypnotize the American youth. This scares the wits out of me.”
The Communists, through their scientists, educators and entertainers, have contrived an elaborate, calculating and scientific technique directed at rendering a generation of American youth useless through nerve-jamming, mental deterioration and retardation. The plan involves conditioned reflexes, hypnotism and certain kinds of music. The results, destined to destroy our nation, are precise and exacting. Little wonder the Kremlin maintains it will not raise the Red flag over America—the Americans will raise it themselves. If the following scientific program destined to make our children mentally sick is not exposed, mentally degenerated Americans will indeed raise the Communist flag over their own nation!
Noebel had science to support his theories:
Pavlov experimented with animals in other areas as well, for example, in an area known as artificial neurosis. Here the scientist took healthy animals and using two conditioned reflexes, the excitatory reflex and the inhibitory reflex, caused these healthy animals to break down mentally with cases of artificial neurosis. As we shall see, this is exactly what the Beatles, in particular, and rock and roll, in general, are doing to our teenagers’.
You want more?
Former rock player, Bob Larson, in conjunction with a physician, offers some light on the relationship between hard rock and promiscuous sex. He contends that the low frequency vibrations of the bass guitar, coupled with the driving beat of the drum, have a decided effect upon the cerebralspinal fluid. The fluid in turn affects the pituitary gland which directs the secretion of hormones, resulting in an abnormal balance of primarily the sex and adrenalin hormones. Instead of their normal regulatory function in the body, these hormones secreted under such conditions produce radical changes in the blood sugar and calcium of the body. Since the brain is nourished exclusively by blood sugar, it ceases to function properly, causing moral inhibitions to either drop to a dangerous low or be wiped out altogether. (Former rock player, Bob Larson, in conjunction with a physician, offers some light on the relationship between hard rock and promiscuous sex. He contends that the low frequency vibrations of the bass guitar, coupled with the driving beat of the drum, have a decided effect upon the cerebralspinal fluid. The fluid in turn affects the pituitary gland which directs the secretion of hormones, resulting in an abnormal balance of primarily the sex and adrenalin hormones. Instead of their normal regulatory function in the body, these hormones secreted under such conditions produce radical changes in the blood sugar and calcium of the body. Since the brain is nourished exclusively by blood sugar, it ceases to function properly, causing moral inhibitions to either drop to a dangerous low or be wiped out altogether.
Hermina Eisele Brown, Director of Music Therapy Dept, New Jersey State Hospital, says that primitive rhythms are rarely good as they arouse basic instinct in the emotionally insecure person. Rock and roll has a direct bearing on delinquency since all delinquents are emotionally insecure;
But The Beatles as Communists… Really?
But our younger children are not the only ones being tampered with by the Communists. Our teenager is also being exploited. Exploited for at least three reasons: (a) his own demoralization; (b) to create in him mental illness through artificial neurosis and (c) to prepare him for riot and ultimate revolution in order to destroy our American form of government and the basic Christian principles governing our way of life.
Four young men, noted for their tonsils and tonsure, are helping to bring about the above. When the Beatles conducted their “concert” in Vancouver, British Columbia, 100 persons were stomped, gouged, elbowed and otherwise assaulted during a 29-minute performance.
Nearly 1,000 were injured in Melbourne, Australia; in Beirut, Lebanon, fire hoses were needed to disperse hysterical fans. In the grip of Beatle fever, we are told the teenagers weep, wail and experience ecstasy-ridden hysteria that has to be seen to be believed. Also, we are told teenagers “bite their lips until they bleed and they even get over-excited and take off their clothes.” To understand what rock and roll in general and the Beatles in particular are doing to our teenagers, it is necessary to return to Pavlov’s laboratory. The Beatles’ ability to make teenagers take off their clothes and riot is laboratory tested and approved. It is scientifically labeled mass hypnosis and artificial neurosis.
And not just The Beatles:
The music isn’t “art-form” at all, but a very destructive process. Teenage mental breakdown is at an all time high and juvenile delinquency is nearly destroying our society. Both are caused in part by emotional instability which in turn is caused in part by destructive music such as rock and roll and certain kinds of jazz. But no matter what one might think about the Beatles or the Animals or the Mindbenders, the results are the same—a generation of young people with sick minds, loose morals and little desire or ability to defend themselves from those who would bury them.
The Beatles’ public pronouncements, in the main, could not please this socialist-communist coterie more and, therefore, although the Beatles might not fully understand all the ramifications of their usefulness, they have been considered more than acceptable by the Left. Hence, rock’n’roll in general and the Beatles in particular have a special significance to the disrupters of society for their promotion of drugs, avant-garde sex and atheism. The revolu- tion, though sometimes veiled, is fundamentally against Christianity and Christianity’s moral concepts. Karl Marx sought to dethrone God before he set out to destroy capitalism. Since the rebellion or revolution not only sustains, but feeds on the sexual revolution, it is quite natural that the revolutionaries are against morality and Biblical Christianity which impedes the sexual revolution . . . There is good reason, therefore, why the Red revolution- ists who are dedicated to attacking Christianity and the morals of Christianity look to the Beatles as their ‘cultural heroes’. Of course, to the naive and uninitiated, the Beatles simply appear as four, fine, wholesome, uplifting musicians, but to those who peer at the clenched fisted, radical revolutionists on our college campuses (and their useful idiots), the Beatles take on a vastly different hue and tone.
What to do? What to do? Your writer knew:
In conclusion, it seems rather evident to this writer that the communists have a master music plan for all age brackets of American youth. We know from documented proof that such is the case for babies, one- and two-year-olds with their rhythmic music; we know such is the case for school children with their rhythmic music and for university students with their folk music.4 What but rock and roll fits the teenager? This isn’t saying that the communists have invented rock and roll or any other type of music, but they do in fact know how to use each type for their own purpose
.Throw your Beatle and rock and roll records in the city dump. We have been unashamed of being labeled a Christian nation; let’s make sure four mop-headed anti-Christ beatniks don’t destroy our children’s emotional and mental stability and ultimately destroy our nation as Plato warned in his Republic.
He wasn’t alone. When John Lennon me his quip about Jesus being smaller than The Beatles, records were torched. “Christianity will go,” said Lennon. “It will vanish and shrink. I needn’t argue about that; I’m right and I will be proved right. We’re more popular than Jesus now; I don’t know which will go first — rock ‘n’ roll or Christianity. Jesus was all right but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It’s them twisting it that ruins it for me.”
In 1p82. Noebel retuned The Fab Four with his screed The Legacy of John Lennon: Charming or Harming a Generation?. In 2006, Noebel wrote that these “pied-pipers from Liverpool led tens of thousands straight into the drug culture and sexual revolution. Indeed, Lennon’s gospel was a gospel of freedom without God, moral boundaries or adult responsibility. His mantra of ‘give peace a chance’ was merely a cloak to cover his drug-drenched lifestyle, promiscuity (free love) and Marxist/socialist revolution.”
Such are the facts…
THE 1960s through the 1980s saw a flood of low budget albums released around the globe. It seemed all you needed to make a record was some loose change and poor decision making skills. Indeed, much of what landed on record store shelves can only be described as deeply regrettable. Of course, this endless variety of awfulness is what makes record collecting so enjoyable 30+ years later.
I won’t pretend to even scratch the surface of the worst of the worst in this article. Instead, here’s a random handful of 15. Enjoy!
POOR, hard-up Prince has shocked his fans after The Purple One launched some legal action against 22 people for posting copies of live performances online.
Court documents say that the accused have distributed bootleg recordings using social networks and blogs.
ONCE upon a time Samuel Beckett was waiting for André the Giant, nee André Roussimoff. Geekologie notes:
Samuel Beckett, Nobel Prize winner (literature) and esteemed playwright, probably most noted for Waiting for Godot, bought some land in 1953 near a hamlet around forty miles northeast of Paris and built a cottage for himself with the help of some locals.
One of the locals that helped him build the cottage was a Bulgarian-born farmer named Boris Rousimoff, who Beckett befriended and would sometimes play cards with. As you might’ve been able to guess, Rousimoff’s son was André the Giant, and when Beckett found out that Rousimoff was having trouble getting his son to school, Beckett offered to drive André to school in his truck — a vehicle that could fit André — to repay Rousimoff for helping to build Beckett’s cottage. Adorably, when André recounted the drives with Beckett, he revealed they rarely talked about anything other than cricket.
It being the done thing…
PEOPLE who want to listen to hip hop, but don’t like it, like Macklemore. He is to rap music what Mumford & Sons are to folk. Of course, like the tweed troubadours, he’s fantastically successful and he landed 4 Grammy Awards last night.
As such, Macklemore sent a text to Kendrick Lamar to tell him he “got robbed” at the show.
He said: “You got robbed. I wanted you to win. You should have. It’s weird and sucks that I robbed you. I was gonna say that during the speech. Then the music started playing during my speech, and I froze.”
“Anyway, you know what it is. Congrats on this year and your music. Appreciate you as an artist and as a friend. Much love” Macklemore wrote, taking a screen shot of the message and uploading it to his Instagram account.
Kendrick, who has been handing everyone their arses for a while now, presumably is already writing his diss track, as you can see.
He continued: “My text to Kendrick after the show. He deserved best rap album… I’m honored and completely blown away to win anything much less 4 Grammys. But in that category, he should have won IMO. And that’s taking nothing away from The Heist.”
“Just giving GKMC it’s proper respect.. With that being said, thank you to the fans. You’re the reason we were on that stage tonight. And to play Same Love on that platform was a career highlight. The greatest honor of all. That’s what this is about. Progress and art. Thank you. #grammys”
Despite all that, Macklemore provided one of the highlights of the show, doing ‘Same Love’ alongside Madonna while 34 couples got married (some of them were gay couples, to tie in with the song).
All the cynicism in the world couldn’t stop it being rather lovely.
WE love the work of courtroom artists. Elizabeth Cook’s been at the Old Bailey to see Jude Law take the witness box during the phone-hacking trial.
He has been called to give evidence for the prosecution in the trial of former News of the World and Sun editor Rebekah Brooks who is accused of conspiring with others to hack phones, misconduct in a public office and pervert the course of justice.
THE Hobbit is a long-winded, grinding, ego-driven borefest. But it can be improved. The sequel could be better. Here are 10 Tips:
GET ready to do a Harry Hill style sideways glance to camera. Jay Z, Calvin Harris and Will Smith are teaming up with Irvine Welsh to create an HBO comedy about dance music.
[insert sideways glance here]
According to an official statement:
“The pitch for the new series, set in a fictional world of electronic music was developed with the help of Scottish DJ and producer Calvin Harris. The show has been bought by HBO and is currently in development with the pilot being penned by critically acclaimed “Trainspotting” author Irvine Welsh.”
Flashback Photo 1968: Beatle Paul McCartney Watches The FA Cup Final Between Everton and West Bromwich Albion
FLASHBACK photo: Beatle Paul McCartney is escorted by friends through the crowds outside Wembley Stadium, London, on May 18, 1968, to one of the turnstiles to take his place in the stadium to watch the Football Association Cup Final between Everton and West Bromwich Albion.
Yep. The hat behind him is a cracker:
SPOTIFY has been incredibly divisive in the music industry, with some looking at it like a perfectly good promo tool to promote artists, while others think it’s stealing all their lovely royalties. Others sit somewhere between the two, thinking At Least It Isn’t Illegal Downloading.
Music fans are equally divided, with someone wondering why you’d pay a subscription for music you can’t keep, while others love how it opens up a huge library of music to delve into, make playlists and more.
WE told Justin Bieber’s career as a walking Barbie and Ken’s walking Dollette would be over when he showed us all his first zit. This is his mug shot:
Just wait to grow a hair in an interesting place. You’ll hear his handlers scream in space…
JUSTIN Bieber arrested in Florida for drunk driving. This is, of course, cracking news for the 98% of people who follow his career waiting for him to crash and burn.
Bieber spent his formative showbiz years being moulded into a plasticised goody-goody, a flawless perma-child, god-touched, singing-foetus, sexless non-teen teen. He was the teenager like no other.
Bieber had no strops. Bieber had no spots. Beiber had no sexual urges. Bieber was a bigger ambulatory Ken dollette with only one orifice. And then he realised he had stacks of money and started to behave normally.
Thank god. The old Bieber was terrifying. This new one’s just a pillock. He was driving a rented Lamborghini. Oh, dear-oh-dear.