Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
EVER on the look out for great pop tributes, her’s the Johnny Cash Converters in Epsom.
ROD Stewart and the rest of The Faces played London’s Marquee Club in December of 1970. Ron Wood, Kenny Jones, Ronnie Lane, Ian McLagen never looked better than in this video recorded for German TV “WDR”.
If the camera was any closer, one sniff and you’d be inside one of rock’s greatest noses:
PAUL Dutton, 48, was ejected from his local branch of Asda in Cambridge, after a fellow shopper complained about his attire – a classic formal black suit of the type produced by Hugo Boss in the 1940s.
Unfortunately this suit happened to closely resemble the uniform of Hitler’s notorious SS, and even more unfortunately the resemblance was entirely uncoincidental. Mr Dutton’s “hobby” is Adolf Hitler, you see, and his fascination is such that his living room boasts a painting of himself being decorated by the Fuhrer – a man who once earned an honest living decorating people’s homes as a housepainter.
AT this year’s British Academy of Film and Television Arts’ (BAFTA) Britannia Awards in Los Angeles, Sacha Baron Cohen was awarded some kind of gong for being brave and, presumably, funny.
However, he ended up killing an old woman who was in a wheelchair. You can see the video below.
WITH the Red Hot Chili Peppers in Brazil for a concert, drummer Chad Smith went to the Hard Rock Cafe in Belo Horizonte and earned the wrath of Flamengo fans.Why? Well, during the drum clinic a fan in the crowd handed Smith a Flamengo shirt. Smith duly stuffed it down his bum crack and then tossed it away.
TO herald the release of her album ARTPOP. Lady Gaga stood at New York’s Brooklyn Navy Yard and showcased the Volantis transport prototype “flying dress.” She said: “Although she is a vehicle, she, is essentially a metaphor for me.”
She is her own biggest fan.
MILEY Cyrus is entertaining, in much the same way that someone else’s child having a meltdown in the restaurant is interesting. At the MTV Europe Music Awards in Amsterdam, Miley was spanked by a dwarf, wore two dead rappers on her buttocks (pictures but, you know, if it gets attention ,dig ’em up), twerked, accepted a Best Video award for Wrecking Ball and broadcast a naked shower selfie.
BRIAN Appleyard interviews Robert De Niro, in London to plug his new film. The Family.
My private mission is to take his photograph. Big stars are funny about such things — they usually need their image doctored by trusted retouchers, Photoshop jockeys — but not, I have persuaded myself, really big stars, the ones who are too big to care. I don’t know what he will say when I ask: Travis Bickle’s “You talkin’ to me?”, from Taxi Driver, perhaps. I’ll leave it to the last minute.
“How’s your health?” I ask nervously. He had prostate cancer in 2003. “It’s fine,” he says, touching some pricy Dorchester wood. “I’m going to make it. I’m sure we can make it.”
The time has come. “Can I ask you a favour?”
“Can I take your picture?”
“Sure, what do you want me to do?”
“Nothing,” I say, meaning I want him to be Robert De Niro.
I fish out the Leica and shoot three frames.
Tom Miles has more on how to photograph a celeb:
Don’t be surprised when a celeb turns up with several people in tow — some celeb shoots can become very crowded once you factor in people from your side (an assistant, your client, hair and make-up, a stylist and so on) and their side (agents, managers, friends, family). Try not to let this distract you, and remember the golden rule of photographing people: There’s only room for one ego on set, and that’s the one in FRONT of the camera. Leave yours at the door. Be prepared to flatter, but not simper. One of the best approaches I’ve always found is to talk about what they’re doing, rather than simply saying: “I loved you in that film; you were really cool.” Ask intelligent questions about their work (you did do your research about them, didn’t you?)…
“Also, when your part is done, get out of there as fast as you can!”
And the golden rule: your job is to entertain the reader. That’s where your loyalty lies.
WHEN Tom Cruise reportedly said acting acting was as hard as fighting a war in Afghanistan, eyebrows were raised. Cruise’s statement formed part of his deposition in his $50million defamation lawsuit against Life & Style and In Touch magazines for allegedly claiming he’d abandoned his daughter Suri Cruise.
Page 173 of the documents features the exchange:
Q: Now, your counsel has publicly equated your absence from Suri for these extended periods of time as being analogous to someone fighting in Afghanistan. Are you aware of that?
MR FIELDS; Object to the form of the question
Q: Yeah, you can answer
TC: I didn’t hear the Afghanistan, but that’s what it feels like, and certainly on this last movie, it was brutal. It was brutal
KATERINA Stojanovska is a Macedonian actress. In Serbia bills her thus:
Macedonia has discovered its starlet, Katerina Stojanovska. The most interesting thing about her is that she “knows” that Marilyn Monroe has a profile on Facebook.
Adding that Katerina talks to Monroe on Facebook. She has a calling:
“My life’s ambition is to make a movie in Hollywood and to star with Marilyn Monroe, James Dean and Marlin [sic] Brando. They saw my photos, somehow they got them, and my contact details and they contacted me. Of course I accepted. I haven’t met them yet but talk every day to Marilyn Monroe. We chat on Facebook. We’ve been speaking for several days about the details of the film.”
CELEBRITY Arsenal fan Piers Morgan likes to tweet about his team. He lives in LA and tweets whenever Arsenal play. As Gunners’ fans dance around and sing at the Emirates and others enjoy the moment and the action in bedrooms and pubs, Morgan sits by a computer in LA and types “Booom” and how rubbish Arsenal are. Morgan believes you can run a club via Twitter.
Some bright spark has compiled his asinine tweets into one picture:
THE £100 reserve price for Ian Curtis’ kitchen gable had yet to be met.
The item is the genuine deal. A certificate of authenticity has been signed by Curtis’ daughter Natalie and Curtis’ widow Debbie . The table was owned by Curtis’ neighbour, whose daughter – the seller – has also vouched for its providence.
Dorothy Smith bought 77 Barton Street, Macclesfield, with everything in it from Debbie.
The seller narrates the table’s history:
In 1996 the table was passed to Dorothy’s Daughter Vicky Morgan when she got married and set up home in Macclesfield. In December 2005 the Morgan’s were redecorating and felt that the table no longer fitted in with their own home. They offered the table back to the family and contacted them via Marco of Joy Division Central.
With the filming of Control taking place in Barton Street and Natalie Curtis arranging the props the table was offered but was declined.
Natalie Curtis, Ian and Debbie’s daughter was then going to take the table for her own flat but in the end decided to have one of her mums instead which belonged to her Grandmother.
At that point it went on Ebay and I travelled to Macclesfield after winning the bid.
So. You can buy the kitchen table where Ian Curtis might have eaten an egg or tapped out a melody to a Joy Division hit or contemplated suicide: 0n May 18 1980, Ian Curtis the singer of Joy Division committed suicide in the kitchen.
The Measurements are:-
- 75 cm Wide
- 98 cm Long
- 76 cm Tall
- Extend Flaps 28 cm each.
I easily got this table into my car, which if you have a 5 door car with seats that go down anyone else with a reasonable size car should do also.
Pop artefacts don’t come any more mundane than this.
MAX Mosley has just won yet another court case about that sadomasochistic orgy he had a few years back. This time it’s against Google.
The original case was that by filming the fun and games the News of the World had breached his privacy: which seems fair enough really. If you pay out to have yourself whipped then you might expect that you’ve a right not to be filmed as it happens.
A TAXI Driver explains Russell Brand to Brendan O’Neill:
“That Russell Brand, he’s being manipulated. I mean he used to go out with that Jemima Khan, didn’t he, and she got him to do the New Statesman, and of course she’s the sister of Zac Goldsmith, and the daughter of James Goldsmith, and the Goldsmiths are totally married into the Rothschilds, and those billionaire bankers really control what we hear about in this country, and they’re always distracting us from what’s really going on, cos they don’t want us to know who has power, and so they’ve given us Russell Brand to do some funny politics so that we don’t see the real sh*t that’s happening.”
ELTON John. Liberace. George Michael. All gay. We know this because they can play musical instruments. Lemmy, Mick Jagger and even Cliff Richard are all either gay or else faking it and not playing any instrument or singing. No less an authority that an imam says that only gay men play music.
DANCING foetus, Justin Bieber, has been trying his darnedest to be a man in recent years, spitting off balconies, giving fruity hand gestures to paps and generally throwing wobblers all over the place.
Now, he’s found himself in the middle of a very weird scenario with one woman filming him while he slept.
The story went like this: The woman who videotaped a sleeping Bieber was a prostitute. The unidentified woman blows a kiss to a passed out popstar and everyone assumed she was a prostitute that the singer had paid for.
KARDASHIAN momager Kris Jenner’s birthday cake featured an iced likeness of her face and hair. A single candle on either side bathed the face in a forgiving light whilst drawing out wax from her inner ears.
Dizzee Rascal is a loveable scamp isn’t he? He went from grime king to the molly court jester who appeared on Newsnight saying he wouldn’t mind being Prime Minister.
He probably doesn’t stand much of a chance now as his diplomacy skills have been left wanting after he went off on one against Radio 1 on Twitter.
HURRA Torpedo play music with your kitchen. They are:
Egil Hegerberg – bass guitar, guitar, vocals.
Kristopher Schau – percussion, backing vocals
Aslag Guttormsgaard – percussion, guitar, vocals
(Morphy Richards is away.)
Here’s the Torpedos in 1983 playing Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse of the Heart.
Ageing hipster with £300,000 knocking around your bank account? Well then why don’t you check out this little listing on eBay.
You could own your very own central London record shop, and as the current owners says hang out with interesting people and maybe even meet the odd pop star or two
LADY Gaga and Dot Cotton have shared Graham Norton’s sofa. Gaga might have thought Dot Cotton a new internet address format, a social working site for actors. But Dot is June Brown, 85, a fragrant actress whose ability to smoke on the telly marks her out as likeable.
Other than on EastEnders, where June has played Bible-wetting, launderette wallah Dot since 1985, we last saw her without her omnipresent smouldering prop on the BBC Two show Respect Your Elders. She was wearing a new pendant on which had been inscribed the order “Do Not Resuscicate”. (She had spelt “Resuscitate” wrong.) Before that June was on the Who Do You Think You Are? genealogy show, also on the BBC, retracing her Jewish routes to Spain and the Inquisition.