Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
FLASHBACK to 30/09/1987: BBC Radio One Breakfast Show DJ Mike Smith (right) is joined by former presenters of the early-morning slot as the network celebrates its 20th anniversary. From left: Dave Lee Travis, Noel Edmonds, Tony Blackburn and Mike Read.
What happened next?
YOU may have heard (and maybe celebrated too) that James Corden is going to step down from the hosting gig at the Brits Awards tonight.
We are legally obliged to mention Sam Fox and Mick Fleetwood’s disastrous outing as hosts, but they do show that this is not an easy gig to do. Huge TV audiences. Band’s egos. A room filled with horrific music industry cokeheads grabbing their interns groins.
It’s enough to make a grown-up weep like they’ve just found an uncovered war grave.
However, there are some people knocking around who would be absolutely perfect for the gig. They can handle the pressure or bring a unique charm to proceedings.
Shall we look at our picks? Yes. Yes, we should.
Now, Grimmy has revealed that he’d love to take on the Brits gig. Corden reckons the job should go to Emma Willis. However, the music industry is notoriously sexist, so if they want to make progress, they’ll take baby steps by giving it to a gay man before entertaining the idea of Some Woman.
FLASHBACK to 11/09/1978: Terence Harris of Porchester Terrace, Paddington – 29 year old pop musician Jet Harris – former bass guitarist with “The Shadows” – at Marlborough Street Magistrates, London, where he appeared on remand on a drink-drive charge and possession of drugs charge.
The Shadows had been Cliff Richard’s backing group. Harris left the group in 1962 following an alleged affair between his wife, Carol Costa, and Richard.
Harris is front right in the picture below.
A LOT of people make a lot of films, but sadly not all those films have kick-ass theme songs. This is a crying shame – AN ENORMOUSLY CRYING SHAME – because in an ideal world every film ever made would either begin or end (ideally both) with a song (not an instrumental, they don’t count) sharing a title with the film in question. Filmmakers, heed this advice. Why? Why, you say? Well…
– YOU MIGHT FINALLY GET THAT KUDOS YOU’VE BEEN AFTER Read the rest of this entry »
Read the rest of this entry »
WHY subject yourself to ten objectively awful songs, you ask? Even though it will be painful and there will be mental wounds that may take years to heal, it is a worthy endeavor. It will serve as a reminder that, no matter how bad the state of music is today, there were songs in the 1980s that were much, much worse.
Can you make it through all ten? Bear in mind, these aren’t “so bad they’re good”; they’re “so bad they cause cancer”. In fact, the selection chosen from a variety of countries to soften the blame on any one nation. Before beginning, we recommend you have the phone number of a good therapist close at hand. Good luck to you… but don’t say you weren’t warned.
“Neighbours” Theme Song (1985)
Is it possible for your brain to vomit? You’ll find out when you take a listen to this saccharine Australian TV show theme.
TODAY marks the 25th anniversary of the original release of Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, inarguably the best time-travelling-slackers-in-a-phonebox movie ever. Here are nine wholly unnecessary but non-bogus knowledge-bombs:
A BAND ON THE SOUNDTRACK DOESN’T EXIST
The song Two Heads Are Better Than One, the closing theme to B&TEE (as all the cool kids call it) is credited to a band called Power Tool. The thing is, there’s no such band. The song was performed by glam metal band Nelson, who co-wrote it with Dweezil Zappa. Nelson were in the middle of contract negotiations at the time so submitted it under a made-up name.
MTV is at the Bafta awards. From its top-notch vantage point, MTV can see the stars. And it wants to share the photos with its followers. Here take a look:
How fast is he moving?
THANKS to the digitisation and Harry Ransom Center at the University of Texas at Austin, we can browse scrapbooks owned by the great Harry Houdini (1891-1926). The University has had the archives in its possession since 1958. But only now are they on the web, and free to view.
The scrapbooks are full of adverts, stories, and reviews on Houdini’s twin passions: magic and spiritualism. It’s great to think of Houdini and his peers selecting item for inclusion, then sticking them into place, editing the story of magic and live showbiz in the first two decades of the 20th Century.
Everyone should like collecting and sticking things in books with an artistic flourish. These books create wonderful memories of your life and your view of the world. They reveal what delighted you, what you did and what made you think.
DOES all art aspire to the condition of music? Brazialian musician Hermeto Pascoal plays Música da Lagoa.
How To Succeed With Brunettes And Blondes Prefer Gentlemen: 1967 US Navy Guides To Etiquette And Women
IN 1967, the Us Government taught the men How to Succeed with Brunettes. Produced by the US Navy, the film was aimed at the officer classes. Never agin would they fail in the brunette etiquette tests.
The holiday camp music and voice of paternalistic authority add to the sense of watching a well-played joke wrapped about a firm moral message.
Two things: couple are all boy-girl; and the only black face in view belongs to a waiter. This was 1967. Etiquette came before institutionalised racism. But let’s not spoil things. Let’s get down to the pulling:
ON this day in photos: February 14 1989: Iran’s leader Ayatollah Khomeini sentences British author Salman Rushdie to death. He also sentenced to death the publishers of Rushdie’s book the Satanic Verses. Khomeni said the book is a blasphemy against Islam. His decree introduced many of us to the word ‘fatwa’.
QUOTE of the week: Dave Lee Travis, via the Telegraph: “I did lose my reputation as well, which I may try to get back later, but basically I want to say that I have had two trials. One trial by the media and one trial by the Crown Court and I have to say that I prefer the trial by Crown Court.”
In October 1964, all the cool kids could buy these Beatles dolls, seen here at the toy Fair in New York. The Beatlee dolls are being watched over by looked over by 10-year-old Carol Valentine, 10.
YOU may have heard about De La Soul giving their entire back catalogue away for free over at their website – wearedelasoul.com – which is great news for hip hop fans, the rap curious and anyone who like music.
They’re doing it to celebrate next month’s 25th anniversary of their debut cut ‘3 Feet High And Rising’. It is only available for 25 hours, so make sure you’re on it (from 4pm onward).
Speaking to Rolling Stone about their decision, Posdnuos said: “It’s about allowing our fans who have been looking and trying to get a hold of our music to have access to it. It’s been too long where our fans haven’t had access to everything. This is our way of showing them how much we love them.”
So what tracks should you look out for? Well, here’s ten of the best of De La Soul’s work. Enjoy!
Classic laid-back De La. Overlooked by a few because, in short, it isn’t on their first album. Huge summer jam.
CELEBRITY does really peculiar things to people and one of the most noticeable is any kind of body dysmorphia. Famous people crash diet under huge scrutiny and, sometimes very visibly, have a load of plastic surgery done.
But they’re all really rich, so sod ’em! Let’s laugh at ’em! HAHAHAHA!
Michael Jackson was one superstar who just couldn’t identify with the body he woke up with every morning. Such was his dependency on surgical procedures and medication, it ultimately killed him. And it was terrifically sad to watch a man who was such a super human, dissolve before our very eyes.
IMAGINE you’re a kid, it’s 1978 and you’re opening birthday presents. Your heart is full of optimism and joy in anticipation of what lies underneath the festive wrapping. As you tear away the paper, your smile fades to an expression of horror. “A Love Boat action figure?” Surely, this cannot be. No one would be insane enough to bypass the Star Wars figures and get this abomination instead… or would they?
Indeed, an untold number of children of the 70s wound up with exactly the worst sorts of action figures imaginable – the kind that make you wonder what sort of sick mind conceived of making them in the first place. Star Wars lends itself perfectly to the action figure business, as do comic book heroes. The Love Boat, not so much. Here are 10 such figures (in no particular order) which must have been bitter disappointments.
1. SET A COURSE FOR DISAPPOINTMENT
You could’ve had the Darth Vader action figure, but instead you got Captain Stubing. I suppose, in many ways they were similar: They both captained massive ships, both had family issues, and both were part robot. (Okay, I’m not sure that last one applies to Stubing, but you can’t prove he wasn’t.) Regardless, an Isaac the Bartender figure would’ve been cooler than either one.
BANDS are forever being banned from various countries. One thing seems to be more prevalent than others – these acts are usually hip hop outfits.
And again, New Zealand immigration authorities have decided to ban Odd Future from entering the country. Why? They have come to the conclusion that they’re a threat to public order.
Who knew that New Zealand was jumpier than China?
IN America, race is a particularly thorny topic (mainly because the Americans don’t have a recognised class system yet, because they’re still working on the old ‘if you’re not white, you’re considered black’ system). The police come under heavy criticism for profiling People of Colour and the justice system seems to be two-tiered – the white and/or wealthy get this treatment, everyone else can whistle.
When George Zimmerman killed Trayvon Martin, America (and in turn, the world), erupted. Worse still, was that Zimmerman got off with it too.
IN this episode of ‘They all look alike regardless of facial features, height, age, skin tones, hair voices and bodies’ the Lambeth Weekender salutes Forest Gate’s Chiwetel Ejiofor for his work on the film 12 Years A Slave.
RADIOHEAD, sulkiest of the sulky, a band so pious that they’ve had their blood replaced with sour grape juice, have released a new thing. They’ve not bothered with vinyl or CD or even a download which pretends to be free. No, they’ve worked with studio Universal Everything to create a ‘living, breathing, growing touchscreen environment’.
It is called the PolyFauna app, which can download for nothing on your phone and has been made as a collab with the band, Universal Everything, producer Nigel Godrich and artist Stanley Donwood.
When You Wish Upon A Star: Exploring the Spirituality of Spielberg’s Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)
THE second-highest grossing film of 1977 (right behind George Lucas’s Star Wars) was Steven Spielberg’s Close Encounters of The Third Kind, a science fiction film concerning mankind’s first official contact with alien life-forms.
Close Encounter’s narrative also involves the mystery behind alien abductions and the truth regarding a government conspiracy to keep the existence of UFOs a secret.
Throughout the film Spielberg cross-cuts between two major plot-lines: a scientist’s (Francois Truffaut’s) efforts to develop a language so as to communicate with the visiting aliens, and one blue-collar worker’s (Richard Dreyfuss) personal journey to better understand their uncomfortable — but growing — presence in his daily life…and inside his very head.
Importantly, Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) was described by Science Digest as a film that is “tantamount to faith.”
The same publication noted too that Close Encounters’ sense of faith, so “wondrous and thoroughly spiritual – is registered in nearly every frame, reaching a climax in its messianic ending.”(Joy Boyom, Feb 1978, p.17).
Similarly, Gregory Richards’ monograph, Science Fiction Movies (Gallery Books, 1984, p.61) contextualizes Spielberg’s disco-decade UFO epic “as more of a religious film than a science fiction one.”
So the primary question that viewers must reckon with regarding this cult classic is: why have so many reviewers contextualized the Spielberg film as one of an overtly religious nature? Does an understanding of the religious allegory open up new avenues for understanding this work of art?
Or contrarily, does the religious explanation of Close Encounters only serve to cloud the secular, humanist message beating at the movie’s heart?
Close Encounters as Religious Allegory
In part, the categorization of Close Encounters of the Third Kind as a film about spirituality and faith arises because Steven Spielberg’s movie so abundantly features what David A Cook, author of Lost Illusions: American Cinema in the Shadow of Watergate and Vietnam, 1970 – 1979, calls “an aura of religious mystery.” (University of California Press, 2000, p.47).
Roy Neary — much like the apostle Paul on the road to Damascus according to Paul Flesher and Robert Torry in Film and Religion: An Introduction — experiences a kind of spiritual dawning or awakening.
In particular, Neary sees a UFO and hears the call of the aliens (transmitted via a telepathically implanted, subconscious “message” or “vision.”)
At first he does not understand the alien message. What is the meaning of the strange thoughts in his head? Why does he feel compelled to undertake a pilgrimage –– a journey to a location of great importance to one’s faith — to some mountain he has witnessed seen only in his mind?
Eventually, however, Neary surrenders to the vision, to his faith. He forsakes all his worldly belongings and connections — including his family — in a devoted (and perhaps mad…) attempt to understand why he has been “chosen” to hear this call from a (literally) Higher Power.
Clearly, Neary seeks communion with the message’s sender…with a stand-in for God. His quest in Close Encounters thus reflects Scripture and Romans in particular. “Faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.” Here, Neary has heard and honored that word, but it is the words of the aliens.
Neary’s hardship and trials are eventually vindicated. At last, he meets the aliens at the mountain of his vision (ironically at a place called Devil’s Tower), and then watches as a version of the second coming of Christ is re-enacted before his eyes.
According to Flesher and Torry (Abindgon Press, 2007, p.200), the returned abductees whom the aliens release from their landed mother ship symbolically represent the dead rising, or the resurrection of the dead as foretold in Scripture. And furthermore, the ascent of the alien craft to outer space with one of the faithful (Neary) ensconced aboard it similarly represents the Christian rapture, the trip to Heaven, essentially.
Even the physical appearance of the aliens in Close Encounters might be readily interpreted as strongly reflecting Christian apotheosis.
In form, the extra-terrestrial bodies “have no clear blemishes or gender, suggesting that superior beings transcend the normal categories of physical existence and approach the ethereal qualities associated with spirits and angels,” notes scholar Eric Michael Mazur, (Encyclopedia of Religion and Faith (ABLC-CLIO, LLC 2011, page 388).
In his final ascent to the stars, to Heaven, Roy Neary is wholly affirmed in his unyielding faith and belief in the vision he received, over his wife’s cynicism and stubborn skepticism, and over the U.S. Government’s attempt to “control” the meeting of man and alien.
In some sense, Close Encounters is all about taking a leap of faith, and that very idea finds resonance in one of Spielberg’s compositions. Confronted with the government lie about a deadly and toxic nerve gas spill in Wyoming (near Devil’s Tower), Neary chooses to “believe” his own narrative instead. He rips off his protective gas mask and breaths the purportedly contaminated air. But he is proven right…he survives, and his faith is replenished.
Given the alien angels, the metaphor for the Second Coming and even this leap of faith, the overall effect, therefore, of this cinematic journey is indeed, well, rapturous.
Strangely, however, there is a dark aspect to this story of religious awakening that one must also weigh.
While it is true that Roy Neary transitions from an unhappy and spiritually bereft life to one of faith and purpose, the cost of such knowledge of God (or God surrogate, in this case) is his very family. In the act of proving his faith and his worthiness of being “born again” in the stars, Roy abandons his family on Earth. This abandonment is literal, not metaphorical.
The non-believers — including his children — get “left behind” to toil in the world without his guidance or even presence. And again, the message could be interpreted as strongly religious.
If you don’t “believe,” you don’t get saved.
Lastly, even Close Encounters’ famous tag-line “We Are Not Alone,” could be easily parsed in a religious, “God is my co-pilot” sense.
Close Encounters as a Secular Film about Self-Fulfillment
An alternate reading of Close Encounters suggests this cinematic work of art from Spielberg is actually a humanist film, the secular tale of a man who chooses to no longer be enslaved to society’s destructive constructs (including government, career, and family), and to follow his own individual path instead.
The story, again, is of Neary breaking free of constraints, but the breaking free in this reading is from a society that lies, cover-ups, and demands his perpetual unhappiness for its continuance.
The fact that Spielberg plays the song “When You Wish Upon a Star” at the conclusion of Close Encounters of the Third Kind is the primary support for this reading.
One lyric in that composition suggests a direct rebuke of faith, or religious identification. When you wish upon a star it “makes no difference who you are,” the song goes. In other words, you need not be affiliated with any particular group or belief system if you hope to achieve your dreams. You need not believe in God or a higher power. Instead, if you must merely “wish” and voice your “dreams,” you will be rewarded for following the best angels of your — human — nature.
In terms of history, Close Encounters of the Third Kind followed closely on many frissons in American politics, and this context, likewise, suggests a more humanist reading.
President Richard Nixon had been toppled in the Watergate Scandal in 1974, for example. His resignation and culpability in illegal activity suggested that “faith” or “belief” in the pillar of leadership was not such a good idea.
Similarly, the Vietnam War had ended in ignominy for the U.S. in 1975. The cause that so many Americans fought for (and died for…) was lost, and this very idea seems reflected in Close Encounters’ final scene.
There, a line of carefully vetted and approved government officials (surrogates for soldiers in Vietnam?) are overlooked by the aliens in favor of the “Everyman,” Roy Neary.
By contrast to these seemingly emotionless, expressionless, thoughtless drones, he is a man who chose explicitly not to believe the fairy tales his government was peddling. He has thus established his independence and his resourcefulness outside of Earthly and national considerations.
In this reading, the “leap of faith” of taking off the gas mask is actually the dawning awareness that — because of Watergate and Vietnam — the U.S. Government could no longer be trusted, or be considered an agent for honesty.
But again, in this reading of Close Encounters, one must reckon with Neary’s pure selfishness, his very questionable decision to leave his children and wife behind for his own individual “self-fulfillment.” And again, one must note that very idea of “sweet fulfillment” is explicitly voiced in the lyrics to the song “When You Wish Upon a Star.”
Yet I would suggest that Neary’s act of leaving his family (and his government, and his job…) behind in 1977 would not have been looked at by many audience members as purely a bad thing.
One must recall that the 1970s was determinedly the decade of the “self,” a fact reflected in the hedonism of disco music, and the blazing ascent in popularity of the “self-help” book genre. Popular buzz-words of the day included “self-realization” and — sound familiar? — “self-fulfillment.”
Yet as the movement of “self” grew in the late 1970s, many people were concerned that the new ethos was merely one of “self-involvement. The consumption-oriented life-style of immediate gratification soon gave rise to President Carter’s notorious 1979 “Crisis of Confidence” speech, which warned against judging success on material wealth rather than intrinsic human qualities of character and morality.
Meanwhile, the nation kept building more shopping malls, and imagined worlds futuristic (Logan’s Run) and apocalyptic (Dawn of the Dead) set at these new shrines to materialism. he 1978 Invasion of the Body Snatchers remake deals explicitly with this notion too, of the idea of people “moving in and out of relationships too fast” because they wanted to be happy and fulfilled, all the time.
But in a way, this is what Close Encounters concerns as well. Roy Neary helps himself, finally, to achieve his “dream,” even if his family can’t share in that dream. He gets what he wants — to go with the benevolent aliens to the stars — and in the late 1970s, this result is what qualified as a happy ending.
In his text How Fundamentalism Betrays Christianity (Three Rivers Press, 1997, page 291) author Bruce Bawer wrote of Close Encounters of the Third Kind that “salvation, meaning, and transcendence come down from the Heavens in a spaceship.” The question to ponder today involves the brand of salvation and transcendence.
Is it a spiritual reckoning, or a secular one that the alien spaceship brings with it?
It is a testament to Spielberg’s skill, perhaps, as a filmmaker and storyteller, that Close Encounters can be interpreted through two such opposite lenses or world-views.
MILEY Cyrus has become a punchline, it’s true. However, the former Disney employee is slowly growing into a woman and making some clunky mistakes along the way, as well as some roaring successes. Recent photoshoots have shown a woman growing in confidence, less likely to rely on an awkward tongue sticking out, and on record she’s made some wonderful, sophisticated trappish ballads, masked by the behemoth – and not that brilliant, but neither that awful – hit, Wrecking Ball.
Fact is, she’s still working out who she is and, with that, she’s going to fu*k-up now and then.
Her father, on the other hand, is old enough to know better. However, he doesn’t and has, without doubt, contributed to the worst song of 2014 and, once you hear it, you’ll know that it is unlikely to be worsened by anyone else this year.
Billy Ray Cyrus has released a rap version of his 1992 hit Achy Breaky Heart.
Achy Breaky 2 features a rapper named Buck 22. His Twitter page says something about: “the new revolution of Country Music mixed with Hip-Hop. Join the movement.”
Someone’s heard Avicii’s ‘Country House’ (and we all know, nothing called ‘Country House’ is ever pleasing on the ear) and thought: ‘WE’LL HAVE SOME OF THAT!’
Anyway, Achy Breaky 2 takes something as wonderful as country and mixes it with something as wonderful has hip hop… but like someone mixing custard and sausages, the two wonderful things show that great things don’t necessarily go together.
The promo video kicks off with Larry King announcing “an unidentified flying object seen transcending over Europe,” before Cyrus and Buck 22 appear, only to be abducted by a spaceship filled with sexy aliens.
They then butcher music itself while some people twerk (they don’t actually ‘twerk’, but rather, ‘dance provocatively’, but people can’t be bothered finding out what’s different between ‘twerking’, ‘bogling’, doing the butterfly and all the other dances).
Enough chat. Dive straight in to the worst song you’ll hear this year.
Photos: The wonderful 14