We don’t just report off-beat news, breaking news and digest the best and worst of the news media analysis and commentary. We give an original take on what happened and why. We add lols, satire, news photos and original content.
Come to Knaresborough Castle in North Yorkshire, where if ruins bored are not enough you can look out for Izzie, a thieving raven.
“It started to be a problem when people were taking photos of her,” said Igraine Hustwitt Skelton, Her Majesty’s Keeper of Castle Ravens in Knaresborough. “She would fly towards them and sit on their shoulders but then she started taking things. Now she’s taken to nicking cameras and mobile phones and using her beak to take selfies… There was one woman on a bench eating fish and chips and taking photos. Izzie took a bottle out of a bin and pretended she’d got her foot stuck in it and was injured in the middle of the bowling green. The lady went to help free her but she flew off and took her camera in her powerful beak.
“She flew onto the museum roof and managed to take a picture of herself…“She’ll ask people taking her photo ‘What you f*cking looking at?! She’s also flown to the police station nearby and said ‘Ello, Ello, Ello’ When the constable came out to take a look, she swore at him.”
Now sit back and wait for the tourists to flock in.
“For a man to go to the toilet where people are buried is disgusting,” says Millie Ings, from Hedge End. She had spotted a man taking a dump in a hedgerow at a Hampshire cemetery. “I was absolutely disgusted to think that someone could actually do something like that. He might have problems but there is no excuse for what he has done, especially when there is a toilet two minutes’ away.”
Her mother, Sarah Ings, 39, adds: “It’s vile. I don’t know what they can do but something should be done – if somebody drops litter they can be fined and this is just disgusting, there needs to be a form of punishment for it.”
What about taking the shitters photo and slapping it up online?
What if the man had picked up the turd, wrapped it in a thin plastic bag and tossed it into a bin, or a tree as is often preferred?
Police are investigating. If you saw St Mary Extra Cemetery, Southampton, call the authorities. It’s the cemetery in Butts Road.
Local News Watch: The door is open in the Bath Chronicle:
A car has been causing quite a stir in Bath city centre. The vehicle, a silver Honda, had been left parked in Kingsmead Square, early on Sunday evening but unfortunately the owner had failed to shut the driver’s door… The car was parked in Kingsmead Square next to The Stable between 6pm and 7.30pm and at one point attracted the attention of a parking warden.
Next week in door news: the Frome Street Light Mystery.
To New York, where Jennifer Connell says when her nephew “acted unreasonably” when he leapt into her arms when she arrived at his 8th birthday party in 2011. She’s suing him.
The Westport News says Connell is seeking $127,000 in damages from the boy, whose mother died last year.
The boy had gotten his first two-wheeler for his birthday, and was joyfully riding the bright-red bike around and around the home, according to testimony.
But when he spotted Connell, he dropped the new bicycle on the ground, exclaiming, “Auntie Jen, Auntie Jen.” “All of a sudden he was there in the air, I had to catch him and we tumbled onto the ground,” Connell testified of her encounter with the 50-pound boy. “I remember him shouting, ‘Auntie Jen I love you,’ and there he was flying at me.”
Although hurt, Connell said, she didn’t complain to the boy at the time.
“It was his birthday party and I didn’t want to upset him,” she told the jury.
Connell says life has been “very difficult” since the injury because of “how crowded it is in Manhattan”. She apparently said:
“I was at a party recently, and it was difficult to hold my hors d’oeuvre plate.”
This has to be a spoof, right?
Update: The New York Daily News says the case was thrown out.
Seven-year-old Christian Hickey opened his front door to see who had rang the bell. After a “short” exchange a man fired three shots. One hit Christian. Two his hit Jayne Hickey, his 29-year-old mother.
The boy’s father, also named Christian, chased the gunman down the street.
Detectives said the shooting is potentially linked to the murder of Paul Massey, 55, a security boss, in Salford in July and a feud between rival gangs in other parts of the city, where there have been at least five shootings. A second feud, unconnected to last night’s attack, has broken out in another area of the city, Little Hulton, with at least six shootings linked to it. Last night’s attack coincided with a broadcast on BBC’s Crimewatch programme appealing for information into Massey’s death and offering a £50,000 reward for information leading to the conviction of those responsible.
You’d have to be brave to cash in – or vengeful.
Transfer Balls: a look at football reporting in the news. The Mail and Mirror say Spurs are chasing Moses Daddy-Ajala Simon. Compare and contrast the newspapers’ reports.
Tottenham are following Gent winger Moses Simon. Club scouts have been following Gent’s centre forward Laurent Depoitre, who started and scored for Belgium against Andorra. A Nigeria international, Simon scored seven goals last season as Gent finished second in the Belgian Pro League and set up Depoitre for the winning goal in the Belgian Super Cup.
Tottenham and Liverpool wanted to sign Simon when he was a teenager but he opted to train with Ajax instead. Now they are back on his trail after a string of impressive performances. Depoitre scored Belgium’s fourth goal on Saturday night as they sealed their place at next summer’s European Championships with a 4-1 victory over Andorra
Tottenham are tracking Gent winger Moses Simon. Spurs are already monitoring the progress of the club’s Belgium forward Laurent Depoitre, who started and scored against Andorra on Saturday. And now they are watching Simon, 20, a Nigeria wideman who scored seven times last season to help Gent win the Belgian Pro League.
‘The North Londoners have been keen on Simon since he was a teenager, but he chose to train with Dutch club Ajax instead. Depoitre, 26, hit the fourth goal in the 4-1 win for Belgium over Andorra that sealed their place at the Euro 2016 Finals’ – Darren Lewis, Mirror Football.
This is last season’s Belgian league table:
Gent won. But the two papers appear to agree pretty much for for word on everything else.
Students at the University of Texas at Austin upset at new rules to allow more guns on campus are “strapping gigantic swinging dildos to our backpacks”.
It’s for the kids, people
The big rubbery knobs are in violation of the campus’ obscenity policy. B ut Jessica Jin, creator of Campus (DILDO) Carry says:
“You’re carrying a gun to class? Yeah well I’m carrying a HUGE DILDO. Just about as effective at protecting us from sociopathic shooters, but much safer for recreational play.”
You have the right to bare all…
Appetite reports on a study from the University of Innsbruck, Austria. It says people who prefer black coffee and other bitter foods are more likely to exhibit personality traits like “Machiavellianism, psychopathy, narcissism, and everyday sadism.”
In other words: interesting people drink black coffee.
And that’s what everyone who took the survey believes. The researchers didn’t actually offer them food to try. They merely asked what food people preferred. The macho will says they love chillies that make your openings burn and coffee as blacker than the stain on Simon Cowell’s pillowcase.
More from Mr Coffee Nerves here.
Spotter: Refinery 29
Lou Reed wasn’t everyone’s best pal. A new biography by Howard Sounes labels Reed a racist, a sexist and a wife-beater. Reed was a man “with so little personal charm he would be regularly discharged from private gatherings.
“I loved his music, but you have to go where the story goes. The obituaries were a bit too kind, he was really a very unpleasant man. A monster really; I think truly the word monster is applicable.”
New Sunderland manager Sam Allardyce wanted to be the England manager. He still wants the job. In the Sun, Allardyce shares with readers why he failed to get the nod in 2005.
“I wanted to do a real knock-your-socks-off interview for the FA, so I put together a PowerPoint presentation which looked at every single detail. There was nothing missing. Nobody but nobody was going to beat it.
“But then Brian Barwick, the chief executive, told me there were no PowerPoint facilities at the interview venue, so I had to print off hard copies for the panel. So much for the progressive FA.”
Next time, Big Same will wow them with Ascii.
Westminster VIP Peadophiles: a round-up of news. The spotlight is on Tom Watson MP, who during Prime Minister’s Questions in October 2012, called on police to investigate the “clear intelligence” that “a powerful paedophile network linked to parliament and Number 10”.
The Guardian: “Tom Watson faces rising pressure over Leon Brittan claims”
Not from Leon, though. He’s dead.
Labour’s deputy leader, Tom Watson, is facing mounting political pressure over his pursuit of allegations of child sexual abuse against the former Conservative home secretary Leon Brittan. Bob Neill, the Conservative chairman of the justice committee, has demanded the publication of a letter Watson wrote to the director of public prosecutions, Alison Saunders, in which the Labour MP called for the accusations to be reinvestigated.
What would that prove or disprove?
Neill has also called for Saunders’ subsequent correspondence with the police to be made public to gauge how much influence Watson’s interventions had in Scotland Yard’s decision to reopen the historical rape allegation. Watson claims Lord Brittan would have been interviewed by police even without his intervention.
To Philadelphia, where emergency responders from the Upper Darby Wash and – get this – Lube Station are helping Christopher Bolger, 25, remove his finger from his car’s petrol tank. He says he thought he’d accidentally put chocolate in and was trying to clear it out.
After much cutting, Bolger was taken to Penn Presbyterian Hospital for treatment and to have the pipe removed.
While there, however, authorities discovered that Bolger was wanted for failure to appear on a bench warrant for a protection from abuse order, Upper Darby police Superintendent Michael Chitwood said, and he was taken into custody after he was released from the hospital. “It’s dumb all the way around on his part,” Chitwood said. “Stupid is as stupid does.”
Chocolate in the gas tank?
Great British Bake Off winner Nadiya Hussain has been turned into a mould for all Britishers to pour their prejudices into.
Remona Aly, The Guardian: “Nadiya Hussain has won so much more than the Great British Bake Off”
A modelling contract? A glass cake stand? A peerage?
Nadiya has managed to defuse the negative, politicised and stereotypical discourse surrounding Muslims in one beat of a whisk. Such is her resonance that even David Cameron – whose Tory party conference speech lists pet hates that can be construed as Muslim-related, including another dig at madrasas and his declaration that “this passive tolerance has turned us into a less integrated country” – backed her to win.
The elite who turn everything into a moral education for the masses. Cameron was mad for Brain Belo to win Big Brother. Show him a darker complexion on The Chase and Dave bangs the drum. “Go-gogo, Ali from Bury,” he yells. “Make Britain proud!”
While Nadiya is the most popular GBBO baker to date, with the charming anaesthetist Tamal Ray a close second, their combined appeal meant that this year’s finale was bound to break previous records… In addition to GBBO’s winning set-up of the brilliantly witty Mel and Sue, poker-faced Paul Hollywood and traditionalist Mary Berry… its inclusivity factor has been reflected in the competitors, with Nadiya having the extra edge of being a non-stereotypical British winner – as an Asian Muslim woman in a hijab, she both represents and transcends all her identities.
Poor old Ian. The white bloke is the only person on camera not included in Remona’s tribute to inclusiveness.
White bloke Simon Kelner (Independent), says Nadiya Hussain “serves up the perfect rebuttal to Theresa May’s xenophobic rhetoric.”
No. She did not push the cake in May’s mush.
Nadiya does not represent Muslims, or British Muslims, or Asian women or even just women. She is simply an individual who represents no one but herself, in exactly the same way that if her fellow contestant Ian Cumming, a white middle-class man, had won the show, it wouldn’t have said anything meaningful about white middle-class men either.
How dare the BBC portray this cheery mix of ethnicities and sexualities and backgrounds inexplicably not at one another’s throats, and thus make it look as if multiculturalism might not be so bad after all? There was admittedly something a bit contrived about Hussain’s final showstopper, the wedding cake she’d apparently always wanted (they’re not traditional in Bangladesh, where she and her husband married). Even the dimmest viewer couldn’t miss the symbolism of an old-fashioned iced lemon drizzle accompanied by a red, white and blue sari.
Muslims who are burning with anger or, at the least, disillusioned with life in Britain should learn from Nadiya. I know I have.
MILLIONS of nut-cakes tuned in to the Bake Off final last night not entirely sure who’d win — but utterly convinced they knew who wouldn’t. We had a Muslim mum of three, Nadiya, looking quietly determined. A gay Asian NHS worker, Tamal, looking stupidly relaxed. And a bloke called Ian, looking utterly screwed.
Turn up without a box tick to your name, some viewers reckon, and you can bake an exact replica of the Taj Mahal using shortbread fingers and meringue nests and it still won’t be enough to win this most PC of BBC shows.
The Bake Off monster has got so big, the show is no longer just a cake-making contest.
It’s full-scale ideological warfare and another chance to argue about political-correctness in the BBC. To have the stomach for that, you also need to give an unhealthy toss about Flora’s cocoa carousel or Alvin’s plum tart…
BBC execs no doubt did a multi-cultural jig of politically-correct joy — long before she sealed it with a patriotic red, white and blue wedding cake. Tearful, victorious Nadiya was the best contestant. She deserved to win.
I’m simply glad it’s over. Now we can enjoy the less PC delights of the new Apprentice line-up. That includes: Ah. A Kosovan refugee, a Nigerian businesswoman and a former intern for a Liberal Democrat MEP.
Amanda Platell writes in Mail:
Poor Flora wasn’t PC enough for Beeb
When this series of The Great British Bake Off began, the BBC was proud it was the most inclusive, multi-cultural line-up ever.
Did you notice?
Now we’re down to the final three, it’s certainly a PC triumph. We are left with Muslim mum Nadiya Hussain, gay doctor Tamal Ray, and New Man Ian Cumming. Poor Flora Shedden never stood a chance. She was far too middle class — and was booted off this week after her chocolate carousel was deemed sub-standard. Perhaps if she’d made a chocolate mosque, she’d have stood a better chance.
The judges are Paul Hollywood (white; non-Jewish male), Mary Berry (white; non-Hindu female), Sue Perkins (white; gay; non-Satanist) and Mel Giedroyc (white; non-Buddhist; not a former refugee reading Gender Studies at Sussex University). We could go through the crew, whose names appear at the show’s end. Or look harder at Platell (white; immigrant). Or we could wonder if a chocolate mosque answered the brief to create a “stunning and delicious 3D centrepiece made from chocolate and biscuit”. No word was made of the need to create a place of worship from chocolate. No contestant did.
That’s not to say that something controversial, like a chocolate version of the Human Centipede, a dole queue or Jeremy Clarkson’s fist would not have given the middle-of-the-road show an edge. A chocolate mosque sounds a little dull.
A few days later, Platell adds:
…while I’m thrilled for Nadiya, I do also fear for her now she and her family have been catapulted into the seductive, cynical world of celebrity.
Stewart Lee has also seen how the winner of the twee TV show is being packaged as moral lesson for us all. He writes:
It was on 3 October that the Daily Mail content provider Amanda Platell introduced the notion of a chocolate mosque into the collective subconscious. But still, more than a week later, Platell’s enormous chocolate mosque continues to loom over my imagination like an enormous chocolate mosque, an image so absurd that it becomes a viable metaphor for its own self.
In case the news-blip passed you by, Platell made minor chocolate ripples by suggesting in print that a middle-class woman called Flora Shedden, and her chocolate carousel, were booted off the BBC’s Bake Off cake contest in favour of Muslim mum Nadiya Hussain, gay doctor Tamal Ray and “new man” Ian Cumming, because she wasn’t “politically correct” enough. Perhaps, wrote Platell, “if she’d made a chocolate mosque she’d have stood a better chance”.
…An obvious subtext to Platell’s story is that the other contestants were favoured, irrespective of the quality of their cake work, because they fulfilled some kind of politically correct quota, such as “Muslim mum” and “gay doctor”. But the idea that this could be a deciding factor is undermined by the presence of the third victor, Ian Cumming, for whom the best denigrating epithet that the increasingly desperate Platell can find is “new man”, a phrase last used pejoratively by a woman wearing legwarmers in the early 1980s.
And here’s food for more opinion writers: will Nadiya make a cake for gay weddings? A source tells the Sun:
“Since the final aired she has had a flood of requests from brides-to-be. A few she has already accepted and there is enough demand for her to consider making wedding cakes professionally. It’s something she could work on in her evenings. She is still a full-time mum, after all.”
First one to order a gay wedding cake wins.
Israel: a round-up of news on trouble in Israel in the papers. Every death tops the news cycle. The Western media feasts of the names of the dead and injured. We don’t get to know the names of all the dead when bombs kill scores of civilians in Turkey. But every death in Israel is the story of an individual. Today we look at reporting on Israa Jaabis and the ‘car bomb’.
The Times: “Woman bomber strikes in new wave of violence”
Why is a woman bomber different to being a simple bomber?
A car bombing by a Palestinian woman and a deadly Israeli airstrike in Gaza brought a serious escalation to weeks of unrest in the Holy Land.
The Holy Land? Where are they in the FIFA rankings?
Police stopped Israa Jaabis, 31, the would-be bomber, as she drove on a highway between Jerusalem and Maale Adumim, an Israeli settlement in the occupied West Bank. She shouted “Allah Akbar” (God is the greatest) before detonating her bomb.
One police officer was slightly injured. Jaabis suffered burns to 40 per cent of her body and was taken to a Jerusalem hospital. Shin Bet, the internal security agency, said Jaabis had tried to ignite a gas cylinder and was carrying leaflets in support of Palestinians killed in clashes with Israeli forces.
A bomber with leaflets? A novel way of delivering them? We learn that she is 31-year-old and a resident of east Jerusalem.
Palestinians disputed the official account, saying that an electrical fire in the car was mistaken for an explosion.
The LA Times:
…an Israeli police officer suffered light burns when a Palestinian woman allegedly detonated a bomb at a checkpoint near Maaleh Adumim, east of Jerusalem. Officials said the policeman had flagged down a suspicious car for inspection when the driver detonated a bomb.
Sappers checking the vehicle for further explosives found a gas canister, and police officials speculated that the car was intended to explode in Jerusalem. The driver, later identified as a 31-year-old resident of east Jerusalem, was seriously injured in the blast and taken to a Jerusalem hospital. Palestinian media disputed the Israeli version, saying the woman was alarmed by an electric short in the car.
Early on Sunday, Israeli police believe they foiled an attack after stopping a woman driver near another West Bank settlement, Maale Adumim. As she walked toward police officers, there was an explosion in the vehicle.
Meanwhile, on a West Bank road leading to Jerusalem, police pulled over a car driven by a Palestinian woman who they said shouted ‘God is great’, and detonated an explosive when approached by officers.
Both the woman and the officer were injured in the explosion.
‘We foiled a car bomb attack,’ said police commander Rafi Cohen. ‘We have no doubt the woman terrorist who drove the vehicle intended to reach Jerusalem.’ Cohen added that there were more explosives still inside the vehicle. Although he gave no more detaisl, Army Radio reported that gas canisters were found inside.
The wave of violence also saw an Israeli police officer wounded on Sunday in a car explosion at an Israeli checkpoint when a Palestinian woman allegedly detonated explosives in her car near the settlement of Ma’ale Adumim in the occupied West Bank.
Israeli police said officers noticed a “suspicious vehicle” being driven toward Jerusalem in a public transport-only lane approaching a checkpoint.
The injured police officer, Moshe Chen, said he gestured for her to stop the car and she then yelled “Allahu Akbar”, a phrase in Arabic meaning “God is great” and sometimes used by Islamic protesters, and detonated a bomb in her car.
The Huff Post has little more on the alleged bomber:
The security agency says handwritten letters were found on her person that praised Palestinian “martyrs.” It says the woman is a resident of east Jerusalem but lives part of the time in the West Bank.
The Jerusalem Post: “Police officer injured in attack near Ma’aleh Adumim: I told bystanders not to shoot terrorist”
We hear from Moshe Chen, the police officer at the centre of the story.
“You always hear of terrorist attacks and suddenly I was in one, boom, that’s how it is,” the lightly wounded police offer told reporters as he lay in a hospital bed in Sha’are Tzedek Medical Center.
The Shin Bet (Israel Security Agency) said the woman attempted to ignite a gas tank in her car with flammable materials and then tried to exit the vehicle. Other than the gas tank, there was no explosive device in her vehicle.
Why was the woman suspicious?
Chen said he first noted her vehicle as he drove toward the A-Zaim junction outside the Ma’aleh Adumim settlement and thought it seemed suspicious. A woman sat in the driver’s seat, but there were no other passengers in the car, even though she was driving in the commuter lane, which is designated for buses or groups of three or more people, he said.
Chen said he continued to drive but her car moved closer and closer to his vehicle, as if to catch up with it, in a way that made him nervous.
“I felt that something was wrong,” Chen said.
He stopped. He approached her car. He says:
“As luck would have it, I was wearing a flak jacket. I told her that she had violated a traffic regulation, but she seemed not to understand what was happening. She spoke in Arabic and then she said, ‘Allahu Akbar’ and I saw that some smoke was coming out of the car,” Chen said.
Initially, he said he thought something had possibly caught fire in the car and contemplated getting a fire extinguisher to put it out, when there was an explosion.
“It was then that I understood she was a terrorist. People tried to offer help. I asked them to stay away because there was a terrorist. Some of them had weapons and I told them not to shoot at the woman. She was wounded and did not pose a danger. I called for more police and security forces to come to the scene.”
Chen’s call for backup is played:
“I am on the road in the direction of the A-Zaim junction from the Adumim junction. A woman drove alone in the public transportation lane. I saw her acting suspiciously, she yelled ‘Allahu akbar’ [‘God is great’]. It seems as if she has set off a device. I am lightly wounded, the terrorist is on the ground, the car is burnt, it was going to burn, someone there put out the fire with a fire extinguisher. I don’t know if I am lightly wounded, I am in shock, I have suffered some burns. The device went off, she detonated the device.”
The terrorist was seriously injured in the attack and was evacuated to hospital in Jerusalem with burns to her entire body, Magen David Adom said. The police officer suffered burns to his upper body and was evacuated to hospital with light injuries and in stable condition.
In the hospital, Chen told reporters,“I could have died, but I am here, healthy and whole. I am very emotional… I lived through the first intifada and the second intifada and now this one. I hope it ends soon.”
We also hear the Palestinian version of events:
Adnan Damiri, spokesman for the Palestinian Authority security forces, however, accused the Israel Police of “fabricating” the story about the car. He said an official investigation conducted by the PA showed that the woman’s car had been intercepted by an Israeli police vehicle.
“When the woman stopped the car, the airbag in front of the driver’s seat suddenly went off,” Damiri claimed. “The policeman saw this as an excuse to open fire at the woman when she tried to get out of the car. That’s why the Israel Police fabricated the story, which is a lie and misleading.”
A 20 year old woman was critically injured, and an IOF police officer was lightly injured following an explosion in a car near the settlement of Maale Adumin, in the occupied West Bank at 7.15 am this morning (Sunday).
IOF? She’s 20?
The incident was initially reported as an attempted suicide bombing but Micky Rosenfeld, the Israeli Police’s official spokesman, said the explosion had happened after the woman had left the car.
No. He didn’t.
The Israeli Occupation officer is not thought to be lightly hurt.
Conflicting accounts of the incident have emerged, with pro-Jewish websites claiming it was an attempted suicide bombing and others claiming the woman threw an explosive device.
Pro-Jewish? Or pro-Israeli? We’ve not seen any report that the device was tossed.
Censorious Canadians protest at decision to allow niqab-wearing women to vote without revealing faces
To Canada, where a woman showing up to vote won’t be forced to remove her niqab. But anyone wearing a face covering will be required to sign an oath attesting to their eligibility and to present two pieces of identification, at least one having a current address.
Fair enough, then. Or, of course, you could just vote online from the comfort of your own pigsty, naked and strapped to a rocking horse. But sometimes it’s good to get out the house.
Sadly, people get offended by clothing. At Anorak we like freedom of expression. You can advertise your own lack of convictions and individuality with a slogan T-shirt; you can sport mis-matched novelty socks on your ears – and this is the limit of tolerance – you can even wear red trousers in town.
But some people get upset by clothing. We imagine they’re the sort who crave conformity and like uniforms. So one chap went to vote dressed in a clown costume and claimed he was able to vote without removing his mask. He said an officer asked him to take an oath to confirm his identity. “Truly sad that I can vote to elect a Canadian prime minister without having to show my face and prove my identity,” says Rafik Hanna.
‘Truly sad’ said the man dressed as a clown. Well, he should know.
A woman arrived at a polling station in Cap-Rouge, near Quebec City, wearing a potato sack on her head. She looked good in it. It was oddly alluring. Doubtless it will catch on in the deathless martial bedroom. Spud-head was also able to vote after swearing an oath.
And in Gatineau, a man showed up to vote at the Centre Communautaire Le Baron dressed as a ghost. But he bottled it and showed his face.
Which was a shame…
Thing you do not expect to be sold by a stranger on your doorstep No. 34b: meat.
In Dripping Springs, Texas, police have alerted locals to the presence of an aggressive door-to-door meat salesman.
In a Facebook post Hays County Sheriff’s Office warns residents to take care when opening the door to a man with a suitcase full of body parts and blood:
Call 911 if you see anything suspicious.
To Florida,where Katherine Gaydos has some dust in her eye. A neighbour with a leaf blower has jetted something sharp into her peeper. She asks a pal to run inside her home and fetch some Visine. The friend does so. They hand Katherine the bottle. She leans back and squirts the salve in. But it’s not Visine. It’s the stuff you sue to stick on false fingernails. It’s glue. Strong stuff.
“It’s stuck to my eyelids and my eyeball and it really hurts,” says Katherine. She calls 911. A doctors gives her a treatment.
Eight days later, the eyelid is still tightly shut. The doctor will only continue to treat her if she can pay.
“He was talking about doing surgery to try and save my eye, but now I don’t know what to do. I don’t have a job, no insurance or any money.”
Local news get wind of the story. The doctor not says he’ll do a deal. Says the patient:
“It was the same office, but a different doctor. He put Lidocaine above and below my eye and just pulled on it until it finally opened. He said I should get my sight back, and not have permanent damage.”
She has not been asked for payment.
In “Prem ace made me abort our baby”, the Sun looks at Everton goalkeepers Tim Howard, a divorced father of two and committed Christian, Howard has, reportedly, “got a girlfriend pregnant then urged her to have an abortion”
The story you can read in full on the Sun’s website. But here are some highlights.
The revelations shatter 36-year-old Howard’s image as a family man.
He’s divorced. He has been single since 2010. He met the girlfriend in 2014.
The 32-year-old woman says:
“He’s a hypocrite and I feel he manipulated me. I feel totally betrayed, a complete fool. I believe he stayed with me to make sure I had an abortion. In the end I made the decision on my own to have the abortion.”
Is she a hypocrite, then?
“I’m so sad I sacrificed a child I wanted to keep. It makes me so mad that he was a faithful Christian and he could behave like this.”
We later learn that she’s a… Catholic. Does that make you mad?
Her next line might be the non-sequitur of the year. She says:
“One of the first things he asked was if I had a phone charger. He didn’t seem like a typical footballer.”
Footballers always carry their own phone chargers, typically.
Tim Howard has Tourette’s. No sniggering now:
When she eventually told him [she was pregnant] over the phone, she was stunned by his response. She said: “His reaction was, ‘F**k that’.”
She then really nails him.
He said he would let me decide but it was clear to me what he wanted. Although we were in the early stages, I believed he was a good Christian and would support me.”
He left it up to her. The cad. The swine.
In messages, she told of her reservations about an abortion saying: “You are blessed with two children. I am killing ours. Eughhhh!!!”
He then told her:
“My logic/reason is . . . it’s clearly not a situation to bring a child into. In terms of us only knowing each other a short period. I’m leaving England in 2 years you know.”
The sensible pig. He then added:
“It happened bc WE were f**n stupid. It’s simple.”
He tells the Press:
“This is a private matter and it is unfortunate that, for whatever reason, the person concerned has chosen to take her version of events public. I have no interest in discussing it further.”
It is private. After all, we don’t get to know her name.
Israel is back on top of the news cycle. But how is the UK media covering the story? Let’s look at one incident.
The Independent tells us:
The Israelis have killed a boy. There have been stabbings in Jerusalem.
Lizzie Dearden reports:
A 16-year-old boy has become the seventh Palestinian shot dead by Israeli security forces in just 24 hours as a wave of violence continues.
The boy is dead. The number of dead Palestinians is rising.
He had launched a stabbing attack near Damascus Gate, in Jerusalem’s Old City, and then tried to attack officers on Saturday morning, according to police.
The boy was armed, then. He was on the offensive.
“Two men stabbed lightly are receiving medical treatment,” said police spokesperson Micky Rosenfeld. “Police officers shot and killed terrorist at the scene.”
It came hours after militants in Gaza fired a rocket into Israel overnight.
But the “boy” is the headline. Does that alter your sense of what occurred? Does it play to prejudices?
Fear has gripped Jerusalem in the aftermath of a number of Palestinian stabbing attacks targeting Israeli security forces and civilians, leading the city’s mayor, Nir Barkat, to call on citizens with gun licences to carry their weapons at all times.
Taking a knife to a gun fight. Who wins?
In other news sources, we learn who the boy stabbed, something Dearden does not mention.
The AP begins its report:
Palestinians carried out two stabbing attacks in Jerusalem on Saturday before being shot dead by police, while another two Palestinians were killed during a violent demonstration near the Gaza border fence, as a weeklong bout of violence showed no signs of slowing…
In the third paragraph we learn:
In the first stabbing on Saturday, a 16-year-old Arab attacked two Israelis who were walking from the Old City toward the city center, said police spokesman Micky Rosenfeld. Police opened fire, killing the attacker. The two victims were lightly wounded, Rosenfeld said.
Sources say the two Israelis were returning from prayers. They were unarmed. the BBC notes: “Police said Saturday’s first stabbing had been carried out by a 16-year-old Palestinian. Two ultra-Orthodox Jewish men in their 60s were wounded, police and medics said.”
This site provides photographs:
Later, just outside the Old City, another Palestinian stabbed two police officers, one in the neck. Rosenfeld said other police forces opened fire and killed the attacker, but also wounded one of their own. Three officers were taken to a hospital, one in serious condition.
What about these stabbings?
Recent days have seen a series of attacks by young Palestinians wielding household items like kitchen knives, screwdrivers and even a vegetable peeler. The youths had no known links to armed groups and have targeted Israeli soldiers and civilians at random, complicating efforts to predict or prevent the attacks.
On the Guardian we learn the 16-year-old’s name:
Earlier on Saturday, two Israeli men in their sixties were wounded when Israeli police said they were stabbed by Ishaq Badran, a 16-year-old Palestinian.
The Indy’s report is loaded.
Peter Beaumont, the Guardian’s Jerusalem correspondent, provides some balance:
The reality is that neither side appears fully in control amid “lone wolf” stabbing attacks by Palestinians and attempted lynchings by Israelis – including an incident in the seaside town of Netanya on Thursday night when a mob set on three Palestinians.
Underlining these concerns, the Israeli public security minister, Gilad Erdan, told journalists at the scene of an attack on a 15-year-old yeshiva student in Jerusalem: “Jewish terrorists are also taking part in attacks. We won’t allow anyone to take the law into their own hands.”
Palestinian anger is largely focused on events at al-Aqsa mosque compound in Jerusalem’s Old City and fears that Israel is trying to change the status quo at the holy site, revered by Muslims as the Noble Sanctuary and by Jews as the Temple Mount. Netanyahu has denied wanting to change conditions under which Jews are allowed to visit the site.
And what of the dead count? The Indy says 7 Palestinians are dead but makes no mention of Israelis.
This from the Times:
Israel has taken the unprecedented step of barring Palestinians from Jerusalem’s old city after four murders in recent days.
Binyamin Netanyahu, the prime minister, last night vowed that there would be “a fight to the death against Palestinian terror” after a Palestinian man stabbed four ultra-Orthodox Jews in the city on Saturday night, two of whom later died, and a second Palestinian stabbed and injured an Israeli teenager yesterday morning.
Both of the Palestinian attackers were shot dead by police. The attacks came two days after an Israeli couple were shot dead while driving between two settlements near Nablus, in the West Bank. They triggered an order for police to bar Palestinians from visiting the old city for two days. Only Israelis, tourists, local residents, business owners and students were allowed through, and Muslim men under the age of 50 were forbidden from praying at the al-Aqsa mosque.
Was the 16-year-old a “boy” or a would-be murderer? Words matter. Monocular views help no-one.
These are some of the comments the end an Al Jazeera report on the bloodshed – the ones they approve for publication:
The news reporting is corrupted.
The facts remain grim.
Chris Fay, former social worker and Labour councillor in south London, is the subject of a Times story that chips away at the Westminster paedophile panic. The paper says Fay passed allegations about Lord Brittan of Spennithorne to Tom Watson, now the Labour deputy leader, who told the Commons of a “powerful paedophile network” linked to Westminster.
Mr Fay, 69, said yesterday that he had been “a very leftwing Labour councillor” who enjoyed “on a political level” the accusations made against prominent Tories. He was the first to publicly name Lord Brittan as a paedophile and began drawing up a list of VIP suspects in the 1980s which has since achieved widespread circulation.
One of Lord Brittan’s accusers, known as David, disclosed this week that he had been confused and now felt guilty. David told BBC’s Panorama that Mr Fay had encouraged him to name Lord Brittan as one of his abusers, saying that “the surname came out of Chris Fay’s mouth and I just went along with it. I identified him with a photograph”.
Mr Fay denies the accusation, although he admitted it was true that he had shown David a photograph of Lord Brittan. He said this was contained in a parliamentary directory of MPs from the 1980s which he used to help victims who believed they had been abused by politicians to identify the culprits. He insisted that this was only after David had independently named the former home secretary as one of those who had raped him as a child.
Mr Fay, who was jailed for fraud in 2011 for his role in a scam which conned pensioners out of almost £300,000, said he remained convinced that Lord Brittan was guilty.
So. That’s two people. Anyone else..?
Some background reading:
Nadiya Jamir Hussain won the Great British Bake Off, a BBC TV show for competitive amateur cake makers. The BBC presents as news. But it’s even more than that. It’s a moral lesson. Nadiya wears a scarf on her head. It’s not new kind of apron or a teflon-coated chef’s hat. It’s a head scarf, as worn by some Muslim women, of which she is one.
The Mail sees the look:
Nadiya is already a heroine in her home town of Luton where she’s seen as a glowing role model for young Muslims at a time when the immigrant community is struggling to shake off the dark spectre of Islamic extremism.
Put down your bombs, your spliffs and your iPads. Pick up your lemons.
‘I was a bit nervous that perhaps people would look at me, a Muslim in a headscarf, and wonder if I could bake,’ she says. ‘But I hope that people have realised that I can — and just because I’m not a stereotypical British person, it doesn’t mean that I am not into bunting, cake and tea.’
Cake and spite. It’s he British staple diet. It’s won wars.
‘I’m just as British as anyone else, and I hope I have proved that.’
Who needs to find a token ethnic face for the BBC to pat on the head when Nadiya is so willing to place her cakes at the vanguard of Britishness.
Still, the Mail manages to up the stakes. Get a load of this utter balls:
More sugary balls, modom?
As a liberal Muslim woman myself, I admit that I was also initially put off by Nadiya’s headscarf and severe look. Yet by winning the show with such grace, humour and dignity, Nadiya has done more to further the cause of Asian women — and men — than countless government policies, think-tanks, initiatives and councils put together have achieved in the past half-century.
It’s a Nadiya and me story.
Of course, we have many other Muslim role models — Mo Farah, Olympic gold medallist, Moeen Ali, the England cricketer, Mishal Hussain, presenter on BBC Radio 4’s Today programme, Rageh Omaar, TV reporter, Sajid Javid, the Business Secretary, and Baroness Sayeeda Warsi.
She’s not a role model. She’s a woman who entered an amateur TV cooking show who happens to Muslim. Islam played no part in her baking , or did we miss the bit where she makes a chocolate prayer mat? Are Muslims who enter other telly shows – Mastermind, Big Brother, Pointless – doing it for their God?
But it is Nadiya, baker of beautiful cakes, who has, in my view, turned the image of British Muslims upon its head.
Who knew they could work an oven?
Muslims who are burning with anger or, at the least, disillusioned with life in Britain should learn from Nadiya. I know I have.
Don’t burn with anger – turn down the temperature and simmer. And Yasmin, are your sponge fingers better than Before Nadiya (BN)?
And – hold on – is this a parody? Is that you, Craig Brown?
I once wrote about good Muslim men, among them some uncles and cousins who treasured their wives and encouraged them in their education and ambitions.
Afterwards Sadiq Khan, Labour candidate for the London Mayoral election, wrote and thanked me for my article.
Haha. Who knew Muslim women could do satire so well? Haha.
We all owe Nadiya a debt of gratitude, not just for entertaining us with her pastries and sponges, but for teaching us what it is to be British in 2015.
Rule, Nadiya… Nadiya rules the airwaves…
The Squatty Potty is a $28 footstool that slides under your toilet. You use it by squatting on the toilet. This, we are assured, is the best way to take a dump.
To illustrate this marvel, the,Squatty Potty hired a unicorn who had sworn off piles.