We don’t just report off-beat news, breaking news and digest the best and worst of the news media analysis and commentary. We give an original take on what happened and why. We add lols, satire, news photos and original content.
DID you know the chicken on Pizza Express salads and pizzas is halal? You did? The Sun didn’t. But it just found out:
The facts come thicker than the Polish waitress’s Caesar dressing:
- All chicken killed in line with Islamic law
— No mention of it on restaurant’s menus
— Staff will only tell customers if they ask
YOU may have noticed in all this talk about whether Pfizer should be allowed to buy AstraZeneca a certain amount of economic nationalism going on. You know, It’s ours, British, don’t let the bastard foreigners have it? That this isn’t in fact true, it’s not British, is obvious, as the Institute of Directors has pointed out:
“It is misleading to present AstraZeneca as some kind of UK national champion. The company is a truly multinational enterprise that was created through the earlier mergers of UK, Swedish and American companies. The majority of its employees are based outside Europe and its shareholders are overwhelmingly foreign institutional investors. It is run by a Frenchman and chaired by a Swede. It is a multinational company active in a global economy.”
BEING in the mile high club (for those who don’t know if means you’ve shagged in a plane more than a mile up in the air) isn’t all that much of a distinction these days. Hell, even middle aged hacks have sometimes managed it. But quite how you manage it does offer the possibility of distinction.
Nipping into the loo with a current lover qualifies but it doesn’t quite rise to the glory of actually picking up a stranger on the plane and managing it.
But then there’s the creepy versions of it:
A British woman in her 20s was arrested after losing her temper with cabin crew who caught her locked in an aeroplane toilet with a man she had just met.
The apparently drunk tourist is said to have been handcuffed to a chair by flight attendants – to the horror of her parents, who were travelling with her.
Liverpool Balls: Spurs Official Twitter Feed Mocks The Reds For ‘Biggest Capitulation Since Newcastle’
IN the (chokes back vomit) football family, all clubs roots for one another. Before every boardroom meeting, men in suits line up to shake hands with other men in suits as the official Football Family anthem lulls everyone into a state of blissful apathy.
So much for FIFA’s visions.
In the real world, the clubs, like the fans who run them (Manchester City and Manchester United excluded, obv.), are delighted when a rival fails. And so it is for Spurs, whose official twitter feed laughed out loud when Liverpool tossed away a three goal lead at Crystal Palace.
FLASHBACK to April 9th 1975:
A cause for dressing room celebration at Stamford Bridge by West Ham United players after they defeated Ipswich Town. (Left to right) Trevor Brookings, Pat Holland, goalscorer Alan Taylor, Bobby Gould (behind scorer), unidentified player with towel, Graham Paddon (dressed) and John McDowell.
SARAH Palin was once destined to be the president of the USA’s VeePee. She would be a heartbeat away from becoming Leader of the Free World. Recently the former Alaskan governor spoke to the National Rifle Association’s yearly convention in Indianapolis.
The highlight of her chat was he telling the good folks “waterboarding is how we baptize terrorists.”
MADELEINE McCann: Anorak’s look at reporting on the missing child:
Daily Mirror (front page):
“MADDIE COPS TO START DIGGING UP RESORT”
It is a “WORLD EXCLUSIVE”.
Kate and Gerry McCann have never given up hope their missing daughter Madeleine is alive – but they are now bracing themselves for the heartbreak of a police search for her body. Scotland Yard detectives are preparing to go to Portugal to launch extensive digs in and around the holiday area where the youngster vanished seven years ago at the age of three. The tormented couple have been briefed by officers about their plans to search three sites near the Praia da Luz resort they were staying at.
A WHILE back, we brought you a list of action figure disappointments which featured the likes of a Love Boat and Grizzly Adams doll. However, there’s a bunch more that didn’t make the list, but desperately need to be shared. Plus, there are many that don’t necessarily fit into the “disappointment” category, but are nevertheless interesting and/or wildly insane. So, here are 13 additional dolls and figures. Enjoy.
My only complaint about the O.J. Simpson doll is that the gloves that come with it don’t fit. (insert laughter) Bruno Magli shoes and white Ford Bronco sold separately.
FLASHBACK to May 4 1976: Liverpool win the League with a win at Wolves. Liverpool needed a win or low-scoring draw to pip QPR to the title.
They did it, winning 3-1. The defeat meant Wolves were relegated.
In this photo, we see the dressing room. No selfies back then:
Liverpool celebrate winning the League Championship after their 3-1 victory: (clockwise from top l) Tommy Smith, Ian Callaghan, Steve Heighway, Phil Thompson, Jimmy Case, Kevin Keegan, Emlyn Hughes, Phil Neal, David Fairclough, Ray Kennedy, Ray Clemence
Constance Briscoe: Disgraced Judge’s Mother Carmen Briscoe-Mitchell Gives Her Daughter A Kick On Her Way Down
THIS week barrister and occasional judge Constance Briscoe started her 16-month jail sentence for lying to police investigating the case of LibDem MP Huhne and his ex-wife Vicky Pryce, who were both jailed after she accepted driving penalty points for him in 2003.
Interesting stuff. But there is another angle to this story. As Briscoe went down, her mother, Carmen Briscoe-Mitchell, 80, did not shed any tears for her daughter, well not ones of sadness:
“I’ve been waiting for the day to come. She should have been in the dock a long time before now. She is a first-class liar… know all her tricks … the shock of what my daughter did to me made me lose my eyesight.”
Madeleine McCann: Euclides Monteiro ‘Cleared’, Roderick William Robinson Wanted And Seven Years Pass
MADELEINE McCann: Anorak’s regular look at the story of the missing child in the news media:
On the seventh anniversary of tabloids’ ‘Our Maddie’, the Sunday Star leads with news:
“MADDIE PROBE ANGER”
Neil Chandler & Tracey Kandohla report:
Maddie: Portuguese police blast Brit cops and DENY arrests will be made soon
THIS week in imaginative ways to get a legal buzz, we journey to Alice Springs in Australia’s Northern Territory, where the cool kids are inhaling Rexona deodorants.
Supermarkets in the area have taken to placing Rexona aerosol deodorants behind the cashier’s desk, along with cigarettes and scratch cards. This should ensure that sales of cheap wine and lip balms rocket.
Read the rest of this entry »
Read the rest of this entry »
SO. Max Clifford has ben sentenced to 8 years choky for assaulting four young women, one aged 15, in the 1970s and 1980s.
The Sun says:
It’s not what he said that got him into bother. Its the eight assaults, including, as the Sun notes:
The judge also said he was sure Clifford had groped a 12-year-old girl in a jacuzzi in Spain – which he could not be tried for because it happened abroad.
But something Max said to the Starsuckers crew does strike a bell:
“You just can’y believe these people. The money gives them the indulgence… You’ve done that, you’ve done this, so what else? You could do it upside-down on a plane… well, we’ve done that, now what else can we do.? And it gets like that because there’s nothing else for them. They’ve got to keep pushing and pushing and pushing.”
And on Max went. You can see him in the video below. The sun starts at 1 hour 13 mins.
JUST this week, Fox Television announced the cancellation of the high-profile series Almost Human (2013 – 2014), a science fiction endeavor starring Karl Urban and Michael Ealy, and executive-produced by J.J. Abrams.
Fans of the short-lived series remain heartbroken that Fox showed so little faith in the promising venture.
But perhaps the saddest fact here is that the early axing of Almost Human conforms to Fox’s long-time pattern of murdering genre TV programs while they are still in the cradle.
COULD your Spotify and iTunes playlists use some sprucing up? Let these Post Punk and Synth Pop artists rejuvinate your tired lists with their fresh audio suggestions. Pulled from the pages of 1980 issues of Smash Hits magazine are ten “All Time Top Ten Lists” as chosen by selected New Wavers.
Steve Eagle of The Photos
1. “I Saw Her Standing There” by The Pink Fairies
2. “I Just Wanna Have Something to Do” by The Ramones
3. “Groover” by T. Rex
4. “You Got My Number” by The Undertones
5. “Always Crashing in the Same Car” by David Bowie
6. “I Just Don’t Know What to Do with Myself” by Dusty Springfield
7. “Song For Life” by Johnny Cash
8. “All the Young Dudes” by Mott the Hoople
9. “New Rose” by The Damned
10. “D’yer Maker” by Led Zeppelin
Ranking Roger of The Beat
1. “Anarchy in the UK” by Sex Pistols
2. “Death Disco” by Public Image LTD
3. “White Riot” by The Clash
4. “Trans Europe Express” by Kraftwerk
5. “Nite Klub” by The Specials
6. “Majestic Dub” by Joe Gibbs and the Professionals
7. “O Level Dub” by Clint Eastwood
8. “Pistol Boy” by Militant Barry
9. “Armagideon Time” by The Clash
10. “Dread at the Controls” by Mikey Dread
1. “The Fat Man” by Fats Domino
2. “My Baby Left Me” by Elvis Presley
3. “Honky Tonk Women” by The Rolling Stones
4. “That’s Alright Mama” by Snooks Eaglin
5. “I Am the Walrus” by The Beatles
6. “Eleanor Rigby” by The Beatles
7. “Beat on the Brat” by The Ramones
8. “Virginia Plain” by Roxy Music
9. “Brass in Pocket” by The Pretenders
10. “I’m a Lazy Sod” by Sex Pistols
Ian McCulloch of Echo and the Bunnymen
1. “Famous Blue Raincoat” by Leonard Cohen
2. “Try to Remember” by The Kingston Trio
3. “Search and Destroy” by Iggy and the Stooges
4. “Mess of My” by The Fall
5. “Sister Ray” by Velvet Underground
6. “The Bewlay Brothers” by David Bowie
7. “Lady Stardust” by David Bowie
8. “Over the Wall” by Echo and the Bunnymen
9. “Anarchy in the UK” by Sex Pistols
10. “Mother” by John Lennon
Paul Humphreys of Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark
1. “Atmosphere” by Joy Division
2. “Cities” by Talking Heads
3. “Europe Endless” by Kraftwerk
4. “Morale” by Human League
5. “Before and After Science” by Eno
6. “Missing Fifteen Minutes” by Dalek I
7. “Isolation” by Joy Division
8. “My Way” by Sid Vicious
9. “Thrash” by Cowboys International
10. “Pennsylvania 65000” by Glen Miller
Julian Cope of Teardrop Explodes
1. “The Modern Dance” by Pere Ubu
2. “Jackie/Mathilde” by Scott Walker
3. “When the Music’s Over” by The Doors
4. “Stepping Out” by The Fall
5. “Sweet Surrender” by Tim Buckley
6. “King of the Streets” by Armand Schaubroeuk
7. “The Electrician” by The Walker Brothers
8. “Alone Again Or” by Love
9. “Walk on Gilded Splinters” by Dr. John
10. “My Head is My Only House until It Rains” by Captain Beefheart
Hugh Cornwell of The Stranglers
1. “Whip It” by Devo
2. “I Got You” by Split Enz
3. “Rescue” by Echo and the Bunnymen
4. “Tri X Pan” by Tea Set
5. “Something Else” by Eddie Cochran
6. “We Are Family” by Sister Sledge
7. “Le Freak” by Chic
8. “Young at Heart” by Frank Sinatra
9. “Stay” by The Hollies
10. “My Little Red Book” by Love
“In the Year 2525” by Zager and Evans
“Bewlay Brothers” by David Bowie
“Spaceball” by Marc Bolan
“The Modern Dance” by Pere Ubu
“Berlin” by Lou Reed
“Baby’s On Fire” by Brian Eno
“Back to Nature” by Fad Gadget
“Castles Made of Sand” by Jimi Hendrix
“Emmie” by Laura Nyro
“Starsailor” by Tim Buckley
Holly Vincent of Holly and the Italians
1. “Come On” by Cheap Trick
2. “I Don’t Wanna Walk Around With You” by The Ramones
3. “Trash” by The New York Dolls
4. “He’s a Whore” by Cheap Trick
5. “I Just Wanna Have Something to Do” by The Ramones
6. “Insanely Jealous” by The Soft Boys
7. “The Way of the World” by Cheap Trick
8. “Stand by Your Man” by Tammy Wynette
9. “Slow Motion” by Ultravox
10. “Quiet Life” by Japan
Eddie Tenpole of Tenpole Tudor
1. “Get Off My Cloud” by The Rolling Stones
2. “Talk of the Town” by The Pretenders
3. “Golden Birdies” by Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band
4. “Borstal Breakout” by Sham 69
5. “Clarinet Concerto” by Mozart
6. “Can You Hear Me” by David Bowie
7. “Just another Dream” by The Professionals
8. “You Need Hands” by Malcolm MacLaren
9. “Hey Negrita” by The Rolling Stones
10. “Chiquitita” by ABBA
Eddie’s note to the #10 ABBA song: “The last twenty seconds is the best tune I’ve ever heard. The rest is rubbish.”
December 1942: Miss Virginia Hammel of McLeod County, Minn. Tucks Into The Typical American Christmas Dinner
FLASHBACK to December 23 1952: the US military put out this photo of a typical housewife enjoying a typical Christmas dinner.
The original AP caption assured readers:
Miss Virginia Hammel of McLeod County, Minn., war worker in Washington, D.C., wades into the typical American Christmas dinner on Dec. 23, 1942. It includes roast Turkey, Mashed Potatoes and Gravy, Cranberry Sauce, Tomato and Lettuce Salad, peas, string beans, rolls and butter, coffee with cream and sugar, and Mince Pie. Americans will top their dinner off with Mince Pie if their previous helpings have been discreet. This bounty is thanks to the American farmer who overcame such obstacles as Labor and Machinery shortages to provide US with holiday food. (AP Photo)
MIDDLESBROUGH FC fans Julie Phillips, 50 and Gemma Parkin, 18, travelled to see their club play Birmingham City at St Andrew’s on December 7, 2013. They went equipped with a copy of the Koran, not to hold in prayer as they willed their team to score. Julie, a Middlesbrough Council employee, ripped pages from the religious text and distributed them to other fans to shred.
The pair ended up at Birmingham Magistrates’ Court, where they claimed they had no idea the book in their hands was the Koran. Parkin said she’d been handed it at a Birmingham market. They claimed they were simply “making confetti”.
Only – get this – they had told a steward they were ripping up a copy of the Koran. Oops. That’s idiots for you.
Steward Matthew Corns told the court he heard chants about Muslims and the Koran as the book was passed around and ripped up.
“I was mortified. Very ashamed and disgusted in myself. It was just a book of some sort, I can’t remember if the cover was on. It was just white paper.”
JOHN Carpenter’s film career has had its critical ups and downs, but time – the final arbiter of success, perhaps – has been almost universally kind to the vast majority of his cinematic work.
Reviled upon release in the summer of Spielberg’s E.T., John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982) is now revered as a horror classic and a work of art superior to the Howard Hawks film of 1951.
Similarly, Carpenter’s anti-yuppie battle cry, They Live (1988) has been re-evaluated as an ahead-of-its time masterpiece about the imminent death of the middle class in America, and “vulture capitalists” picking at its bones.
Even In the Mouth of Madness (1994), dismissed on original release as lesser-Carpenter, is widely considered now to be the finest interpretation of the Lovecraft aesthetic yet committed to film.
MADELEINE McCann: As the anniversary of her vanishing looms, the Sun creates a splashy no-news story.
As ever, the tabloids are focusing on the missing child’s parents:
‘I need to find out if Madeleine is alive or dead… an end to not knowing’ - Says Kate McCann
Once upon a time, the notion that the child might be dead was not one the McCanns would countenance, at least not in public. Has anything changed?
KATE McCann last night opened her heart over missing daughter Madeleine, saying: “I just want to know if she’s alive or dead”. Speaking to publicise a new child rescue alert system, she added: “We need to know. The worst thing is not knowing.”
RIP L Feldstein: editor of the once great MAD magazine.
FLASHBACK to April 29, 1950: Arsenal take on Liverpool in the FA Cup final:
London’s April downpour couldn’t damp the enthusiasm of these Liverpool girls, garlanded with the colours their team and ringing a hand-bell, as they toured the city before going to Wembley Stadium
Talking Point: The Gilt-Edge Chance.