Anorak

News | Anorak - Part 10

News Category

We don’t just report off-beat news, breaking news and digest the best and worst of the news media analysis and commentary. We give an original take on what happened and why. We add lols, satire, news photos and original content.

The Chilcot Report Is Charles Kennedy’s finest epitaph

Just over a year ago the former Liberal Democrat Party leader Charles Kennedy died at his home in Fort William, Scotland, aged 55.

We said then, “…despite his alcoholic affliction, he brought humanity and common sense into UK politics and governance when he entered the Westminster Parliament.

He was Leader of his party when Premier Blair launched the UK into the Iraq conflict.

In what many found to be a magnificent stand, in 2003 Charles Kennedy fought against all-comers from other major parties over the proposed invasion and war in Iraq.

There is little doubt he was right in every respect in his then dire predictions of what was to follow. Later in September, 2005 at the Blackpool, annual Liberal Democratic Party Conference he made it clear he neither forgot nor forgave when in a passionate speech he called on on the then still prime minister Tony Blair to make a timetable of the withdrawal of British troops from Iraq.

The long-delayed Chilcot Report may very well be his finest epitaph….”

It was.

Posted: 6th, July 2016 | In: Key Posts, News, Politicians | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Understanding Financial Markets – a must-see video

How well dow you understand financial markets? In the post-Brexit haze, lots of Remain voters are citing the falling pound and the volatile FTSE index as signs of disaster. Is the UK in the mire? Are they right? Helping you make sense of it all is Robert Shiller. He was one of the few voices who foresaw the housing bubble burst 2008. This is the first lecture from his series of talks at Yale University.

It’s a worthwhile watch:

 


Spotter: Yale

Posted: 6th, July 2016 | In: Money, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Mind The Bollocks: Richard Branson backs Theresa May to scupper Brexit

The post-Brexit UK was, as the Daily Mirror put it with a front-page photo of a large black hole, a leap into the unknown. Where the Mirror saw danger, chaos and, if the country voted Leave and thereby fell into that hole, death for all, others saw adventure and opportunity. Who embodies the spirt of rosy-fingered dawns over new horizons better than Sir Richard Branson, founder of the Virgin brand and the man who signed the Sex Pistols – those working-class dupe-proof advocates for Anarchy in the UK and a rejection of the tired, old Establishment.

Branson opines axiomatically on his company’s website, “In order to think outside the box, avoid getting into one. There is no need to accept accepted thinking. Remember, it was once accepted that the world was flat.”

 

richard branson brexit

 

There’s more:

“If you don’t let anybody build a box around you, then you will never have to think outside of the box. Basically, in order to think outside the box, avoid getting into one.

“But if you do find yourself getting boxed in, think to yourself: I will only think outside the box when the box is empty. Get everything you can out of a situation, but keep an eye out for the next opportunity.”

The box was the European Union. The vote to get out of it was a vote for a bigger planet view that doesn’t end where the EU border lies. But Branson is scared. He is not eyeing the next opportunity. Sky News reports that this knight of the realm “has held secret talks with Theresa May in an effort to boost his plea for a second referendum on the UK’s membership of the European Union (EU).”

In a blog-post published on 27 June, Sir Richard wrote:

“The vast majority of MPs voted in by the electorate want the UK to stay part of Europe. In light of the misrepresentations of the Leave campaign, Parliament should reject the results of this non-binding referendum as Nicola Sturgeon has announced she will do in Scotland’s Parliament.”

How’s that for thinking outside the box? Ignore the anti-Establishment risk-takers, the people who voted for change, and side with the elite who want to snuff out democracy. ‘Safety-first,’ says box-ticking bureaucratic Branson. Big business must take priority over independence and “screwing it, just doing it”, something he advises we do in one of his “lessons for life”. Richard is now of the “screw you, the multi-nationals and connected are in charge”.

To paraphrase the Sex Pistols, We Do Mind the Bollocks. We voted against it.

Posted: 5th, July 2016 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Money, News, Politicians | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Invoke Article 50 NOW! Join the campaign for democracy

Invoke Article 50 NOW!

 

Invoke Article 50 NOW! is spiked’s campaign for the people’s democratic will to be enforced. The British public were given the vote on whether to leave the European Union. They voted to leave.

But the Government has not triggered Article 50 of the Lisbon Treaty, initiating Britain’s exit. Why not? There is talk of a second referendum, and with it the opportunity to correct what the likes of David Lammy MP, Bob Geldof, big banks, Tony Blair and multinationals think a mistake. They don’t like democracy. They don’t think the people are worth listening to when they fail to agree with what they want. Democracy is the great invention. It is under threat.

Uphold the vote! Defend democracy! Invoke Article 50 now! Join the campaign here.

Posted: 5th, July 2016 | In: Key Posts, News, Politicians | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Hooters staff helps set lads straight at Boy Scouts of America camp

How can Boy Scouts of America ensure the lads grow into full-blooded leering heterosexual males who like breasts and more breasts, and don’t fancy men? Boy Scouts of America had a ban on gay leaders, but that was lifted in 2015 amid howls of outrage. So how else could boys be kept on message? The Boy Scouts of America Denver Area Council had an idea: Hooters. It invited waitresses from the Hooters tits and tacos restaurant chain to meet, greet and give ruby dreams to cubsters at the Frontier District Day Camp.

 

hooters camp scouts

Scouting for girls

 

“It’s just the philosophies of the two organisations are polar opposites and I just don’t think they should be together,” says Marsha Corn, a “concerned parent”, who is of course utterly wrong. Unless the waitresses are gay? In which case, sorry boys, the ladies are out of reach.

 

 

Posted: 5th, July 2016 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Brexit poll: more cool Remainers than idiotic Leavers regret vote

Much of the post-Brexit talk has focused on the Leave voters who now regret their decision. The Metro said 7% of Leave voters regret voting to leave the EU. It and the Indy cited research that suggests “1.2 million Leave voters regret their choice”.  The Huff Post built a story of Leavers regret – regrexiters – around Barbara Ansdale, from the Black Country, who told BBC Radio 4 she had voted leave but “wasn’t really voting to get out of the union” and “Adam” who told the BBC’s TV News: “I didn’t think my vote was going to matter too much because I thought we were just going to remain.”

The Guardian – “‘I hope I don’t live to regret this’: Brexit doubts linger at the centre of England” – likened Leave voters to frightened children:

In the West Midlands village of Meriden, some of the 17 million voters who had willed Britain’s departure from the EU into being were not so much celebrating Freedom Friday as enduring terrors of self-doubt. A few seemed like kids who had disobeyed instructions, pressed the eject button in the pilot’s cockpit, and were starting to wonder what the hell was happening.

Leave votes minds were troubled by a “strange tingling”.

The London Evening Standard heard from a tweeter, who opined: “I personally voted leave believing these lies and I regret it more than anything, I feel genuinely robbed of my vote.” The anonymous tweeter was one of the “The Brexit voters who wish they’d backed remain”.  The Telegraph quoted Mandy Suthi who says that “she her family voted for Brexit but they’ve changed their mind now that she’s seen what’s happening.”

The only change is in a narrative that says Leave voters are all dolts who never knew how democracy worked and would dearly love to rewind the clock. The idea, presumably, is that Article 50 will not be invoked and everything will continue as before, sparing the blushes of 17 million people who voted out.

But today the Sun produces an Ipsos MORI poll. It finds that more Remainers than Leavers regret their vote. If therw was second referendum – which we hope there will not be – the Leave campaign would win by a bigger margin.

 

second referendum vote Brexit

 

Vote once and make it count.

Posted: 5th, July 2016 | In: Key Posts, News, Politicians | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Nicola Sturgeon contradicts her European vision for Scotland’s immigrants

Nicola Sturgeon cuts a Presidential figure. In July 2016, the BBC reported her words:

“People from EU countries are an important part of Scotland’s future. I am therefore seeking immediate guarantees from the Prime Minister, and all Conservative leadership candidates, that the residency status and the other existing rights of the 173,000 EU nationals living in Scotland will remain unchanged, now or in the future. This is a commitment that can and should be made and enforced now.”

In July 2014, the Scotsman reported her words:

DEPUTY First Minister Nicola Sturgeon has warned that ­keeping an independent ­Scotland out of the EU could mean people from other European nations living in Scotland could “lose the right to stay here”.

At best she’s no worse than the other political elite the electorate despise.

Posted: 4th, July 2016 | In: News, Politicians | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Winners are grinners: 47% of young Brexit voters wanted to cry

Brexit marchforeuope rallyAn odd little Brexit story in the Guardian, which reports that “almost half of voters aged 18 to 24 cried or felt like crying when they heard that the UK had voted to leave the European Union”.

A poll for the London School of Economics, called “Inside the mind of the voter”, found that 47% of the youngsters wanted to cry when they lost the vote.  You will recall that just over 48% of voted for the losing side in the EU referendum.

And is news that young people cry, especially those who like the cosy EU, shocking?

PS : can anyone find the question the pollsters asked?

 

 

Posted: 4th, July 2016 | In: Broadsheets, News, Politicians | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The FA, Andy Walker and The Sun’s PR disaster

andy walker FA The SunAndy Walker is the FA’s “Communications Chief”, says the Sun. Walker has, in his own words, “harnessed a passion for social media to become a specialist within this field”. So good at social media is Andy that when he posted on Linked In a picture of his personalised head rest aboard a private jet charactered by the FA for the Euros, the Sun noticed the “fans’ fury”.

In a front-page story “ENGLAND Shame – Off With Their Head Rests”, readers are told: “Fan Mark Elgar accused the PR boss of an own goal while Julian Jackson called the FA ‘a bunch of f****** losers’.”

The Mail adds: “Walker uploaded the cringe-worthy post while England midfielder Dele Ali was pictured celebrating on party island Ibiza days after the team’s exit from the competition.”

It all reminds us of Max Clifford:

max-clifford assault

 

The Birmingham Mail, where Walker used to work, sticks up for him.

…the Sun’s criticism of him is as wide of the mark as a Kane free-kick, as misplaced as a Wayne Rooney pass and as flaky as a Joe Hart save. If England’s playing squad had done their jobs as well as Andy does his then the England party would still be in France.

The “England party” is an unfortunate phrase given the allegation that it was all one big jolly.

The paper finds no room for the brickbats, but does produce a story fragrant with bouquets:

 

FA shame fury andy walker

 

To say Walker epitomises “everything wrong with English football”, as one fan quoted in the Sun puts it, is pushing it. Everything wrong with English football is reflected in the score lines when England lost to Iceland, drew with a dreadful Russia team and failed to score against the mighty Slovakia. The job of the FA’s communications manager is easy so long as the team win. When they lose, they need to earn their gravy…

Posted: 4th, July 2016 | In: Back pages, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


England fans in Ibiza shorts-haul holiday hell

Deli Alli bikini

 

Outrage in the Daily Star over the England players on holiday in Ibiza. Wayne Rooney and Deli Ali are holidaying on the Spanish island. The Star has a thing about Ibiza. It was upset last week when England player Kyle Walker told glamour mo-del and habitual tabloid tittle-tattler Carla Howe, via a tweet from the England camp, that he wished he was in Ibiza.

As the Star pitches for the Ibiza tourist board schilling, we read that “holidaymaker Emma Hussein of Bognor Regis “couldn’t believe it when Wayne and Colleen strolled in “to the Blue Marlin Beach Club.”

But the best line is with the Star’s reporter who tells readers: “Three-Lions teammate Alli was close by, frolicking in the water in knee-length trunks with bikini clad beauties who were drinking champaign.”

Knee-Length shorts! The dirty, bastar… “He relaxed and joked with pals before going for a dip in the sea – despite still wearing his sunglasses.”

As one voice states: “It sums of everything that’s wrong with English footballers these days.”

Back in the good olds days, English footballer  worse proper over-the-knee shorts.

 

England footbalelrs

England Kevin Keegan in trusty British over-the-knee shorts

 

Posted: 4th, July 2016 | In: News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Glastonbury: an incredible video shows what festival goers leave behind

When I first saw the videos “things left behind at Glastonbury”, I expected to see Jake passed out in the mud and Sienna entangled in a huge dream catcher. What the video shows is tents – lots and lots and lots of tents abandoned by festival goers. It is mind-blowing to see. These tents cost a lot money. Why would you just leave it behind for someone else to pack away? Why not burn it and keep warm?

Posted: 4th, July 2016 | In: News, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Corbyn, Hitler and Press TV

Two stories about Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn stand out in today’s media.

ONE: Corbyn the Fearful

The Observer reports that the Labour Party leader is so weak he fears his deputy, Tom Watson.

A senior Labour source, close to the embattled leader, said they had blocked Watson from talking privately to Corbyn because they have a “duty of care”. “They [Watson’s aides] want Watson to be on his own with Corbyn so that he can jab his finger at him,” the source said. “We are not letting that happen. He’s a 70-year-old [sic] man. We have a duty of care … This is not a one-off. There is a culture of bullying.”

Vote Corbyn, then, a leader who will lead the country forward until he meets a man with pointy finger, like Labour peer Alan Sugar, the spirit of Lord Kitchener or Tom Watson.

TWO: Corbyn the Fearless

The Business Insider (BI) website says: “Jeremy Corbyn was paid by an Iranian state TV station that was complicit in the forced confession of a tortured journalist.”

Labour party leader Jeremy Corbyn accepted up to £20,000 (about $27,000) for appearances on the Iranian state broadcast network Press TV — a channel that was banned in the UK for its part in filming the detention and torture of an Iranian journalist… Corbyn’s final Press TV appearance was six months after the network had its broadcasting license revoked by Ofcom for airing a forced confession by Newsweek journalist Maziar Bahari.

A spokesperson for Corbyn told Business Insider, “We don’t comment on historical matters.”

What Corbyn is and what Corbyn is not is the hot debate. How much is the media to blame, if at all, for how Corbyn is perceived? The BI website features a video of Corbyn and a suggestive teaser. The picture is below:

 

Corbyn PRess TV

 

No Nazi salute, of course. But it is Godwin’s Law at work.

 

Posted: 3rd, July 2016 | In: News | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Brexit marchers blow their own trumpets and ignore democracy

Did you got on the March For Europe walk? If not, this is how the media followed the anti-Brexit love in.

Forbes: “0.01% Of British Population March In London Against Brexit”

Over 17 million people voted for  the UK to leave the European Union. There were the majority whose votes won the day for the Leave camp.

The BBC:

Thousands of people are marching through London to protest against the referendum decision to leave the EU. Demonstrators at the “March for Europe” rally, which was organised on social media, are holding placards saying “Bremain” and “We Love EU”.

Other placards were more sweary.

Politics Now has a video of what looks like one of the whitest marches of all time.

 

 

The Telegraph says “30000 people march through streets of London in Brexit protest”. The Sun agrees: it was 30,000 people.

The Mirror says it was 50,000.

The Mail says, “There were believed to be between 20,000 and 40,000 protesters taking part in the event”

The Guardian finds a few protestors:

Genevieve Parke, 34, who is seven months pregnant, marched carrying an EU flag with her two-year-old son Ernest, who was blowing his own crocodile-shaped trumpet…

“And if this isn’t big enough,” said Jonathan Shakhovskoy, who is with a marketing firm in the music industry, “we’ll do it again next week, and the week after. Normalise the mood, make it less ugly.”

“Un-Fuck My Future”, “No Brex Please, We’re British”, they read.

[Jarvis] Cocker, in a recorded a video message for the rally, held up a world map saying: “You cannot deny geography. The UK is in Europe.”

The European Union is a political construct. It is not Europe. Russia is in Europe. Discuss.

Mathilda Fell, 14, is marching with her parents. The budding human rights lawyer from London fears her dreams of studying at university in Belgium or Holland might be thwarted by an EU exit.

The working-class ignored of Sunderland and Birmingham must be gutted for Genevieve and Mathilde.

Russia Today counted the numbers: “More than 50,000 people were estimated to march through London Saturday in hope of pressuring politicians to keep Britain in the European Union.”

Sir Bob Geldof spoke from the stage and condemned far-right UKIP leader Nigel Farage, claiming he used and lied to those “who have been left behind” by the government to convince them to vote for Brexit out of protest last week.

“What they didn’t tell them was that the only way to stop unemployment and stop austerity is to grow an economy,” he said.

Geldof urged those who voted to stay in the EU to talk to their neighbors that voted leave and ask them why they want a Brexit.

“Don’t get angry, explain,” he said.

So much for democracy.

Posted: 3rd, July 2016 | In: News, Politicians | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Labour in crisis: Diane Abbott asks question about non-existent Indonesian province

Top Shadow Front Bench at the moment. Diane Abbott, shadow secretary of state for health, asks the Government about an Indonesian province that does not exist:

To ask the Secretary of State for International Development, what steps she has taken to assist people in the Indonesian province of Province of Davao del Norte affected by the drought in that province.

 

di8ane abbott indonesia

 

Justine Greening The Secretary of State for International Development replies: “There is no province called Davao del Norte in Indonesia.”

There is one in the Philippines. Does Diane think all Asian countries look the same?

The Labour Party is in crisis.

Spotter: Rob Baker

Posted: 2nd, July 2016 | In: Key Posts, News, Politicians | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Manchester United sign Mkhitaryan and cash in on fans

More Manchester Untied news now. Having been graced with a year-long audience with Zlatan Ibrahimovic, the Red Devils have secured the services of Henrikh Mkhitaryan. The Armenian will complete his move from Borussia Dortmund to Manchester United today, says the Daily Mail.

Sky says the deal has already been done.

Man United have posted pictures on the club website with Henrikh Mkhitaryan name on away shirts.

 

Manchester united Mkhitaryan

 

 

“An accident,” asks the Star. No. It’s marketing, of course. The United site crashed amid the interest.  “Unfortunately an error has occurred on the page you were trying to view,” the website told fans. “The Store Technicians have been informed of this error and will deal with it as soon as possible, in the meantime please use the menu at the top of this screen to navigate to other areas of the site.”

As United buy the message from the club’s owners continues: spend! spend! spend!

Posted: 2nd, July 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Wales into Euro 2016 semi-final – the front pages

Wales, the last British side left in the European Championships, are into the semi-finals. Last night the Welsh were magnificent, beating a fancied Belgian side 3-1. It was a performance versed in cohesion, grit, skill and guile. I am delighted. Full disclosure: I am Welsh, having once spent a week camping in the Brecon Beacons with school and consider Ivor the Engine a role model. We can all agree that that makes me Welsh. Send in your own Welsh heritage stories.

 

wales front pages wales front pages euro 2016 wales front pages euro 2016 wales front pages wales front pages euro 2016  wales front pages euro 2016

Posted: 2nd, July 2016 | In: Back pages, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Brexit cancelled: experts say the result was a ‘draw’

Don’t press the button! Brexit never happened.

 

Brexit article 50

 

The EU referendum was a 2-2 ‘draw’ says London School of Economics’ expert (but not in democracy) Dr Jo Murkens. He says because Scotland and Northern Ireland voted to remain in the EU, while voters in England and Wales opted to leave, the result is 2-2. It was a draw*. In effect, the vote never happened. He’s not berating you for doing the wrong thing in voting out. He’s just stating the facts as his expert eye sees them.

“There would be no country left if we leave the EU,” Dr Murkens tells the Evening Standard. “I see no way in which the UK can leave the EU and survive.”

We’re all dead by teatime. Hey, he’s the expert. I just try to put his wisdom into words you slack-jawed mouth breathers can understand.

He adds: “There’s no political will in Scotland and Northern Ireland to remain in the UK if it leaves the EU.”

No political will? What of The Democratic Unionist Party, who campaigned for an out vote in Northern Ireland? What of the 17,410,742 people who voted to leave the EU? Not all were English and Welsh. In Northern Ireland, 349,442 people voted out. In Scotland, 1,018,322 voted out. The expert adds: “I can see no Prime Minister who would want to preside over the break-up of the United Kingdom.”

Is Nicola Sturgeon likely to be PM? And we didn’t vote on breaking up the United Kingdom. It was a vote on staying in the European Union. The Indy adds:

After defeat in the 2014 Scottish referendum, the Brexit vote – which altered the political status quo and galvanised support – gave nationalists a renewed opportunity to push for independence.

Now hands up who wants another referendum? ‘In’ votes count twice…

*Has it gone to extra-time and then penalties? If it has, anyone think we can beat the Germans?

Posted: 1st, July 2016 | In: News, Politicians | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Not all Jews responsible for Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn* hears the new rules on Labour Party racism. What is and what is not permitted is known. Jeremy Corbyn then says at the launch of the party’s report into anti-Semitism within its ranks:

“Our Jewish friends are no more responsible for the actions of Israel or the Netanyahu government than our Muslim friends are for those various self-styled Islamic States or organisations.”

Put down the lit torches, Labour Party members! Not all Jews are responsible for Jeremy Corbyn. Labour supporters need to know that he doesn’t need Jews to make him say stupid things and to compare a democracy with a death cult that wants to kill us all. It’s just that in times of trouble, history tells us that leaders seeking popularity through knowing your enemy always go for the Jews.

*Jeremy Corbyn is not Jewish.

Posted: 30th, June 2016 | In: News, Politicians | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Boris Johnson gets loaded – the tabloids reviewed

In a poll more loaded than George Bush at a frat house party, the Daily Express finds that 80% want Boris Johnson to be the next Prime Minister. And 80% are “convinced” Boris will be PM. It is front-page news. As ever in the Express, who responded is not revealed. And at 35p per text vote, you wonder at the sanity of three or four people who did.

The Mail ignores Boris. On pages 8 and 9 it says 8 Tories are fighting to be the PM. Not quite. They are considering standing for election to be the Conservative Party leader.  They can then be Prime Minister by default – as Gordon Brown was – or call a General Election, which they should do. We live in the age of the cult of personality. We demand to know our new leader by way of the popular vote and dull TV debates.

The Mail says Boris Jonson and Teresa May are the favourites to win. But Remainers are creating a “stop Boris” campaign. So May it is, then.

Or not. Poverty plate coloniser Jamie Oliver says he will leave the country if Boris is made PM. Vote now. Vote often! Wonder if Jamie will go to live in the EU zone, somewhere in deep raw-food friendly rural Romania? Nah. They always go to America.

The Sun leads with news that to “blue-collar” Tories are plotting a “class war” leadership bid. Steven Crabb and Sajid Javid are in cahoots to undo Boris. This is a “blow” to Boris. But by page 6 it is all go for “Bogo”.

In the Mirror, Boris Johnson is the “political pygmy”. The man twice-elected Labour mayor who led the successful Leave campaign is also called “blundering”. On page 10, Boris is in “hiding”. He wasn’t at the Commons for a post-Brexit slanging match. the Mirror says this makes him “selfish”, “cowardly”, “jaundiced”, “grotesquely rude”, “a charlatan” and a “chiseller”.

Vote Boris, then.

Posted: 28th, June 2016 | In: News, Politicians, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Jeremy Corbyn supporter wears ‘Eradicate Right Wing Vermin’ T-shirt

At the pro-Jeremy Corbyn rally in Westminster,  a woman has shown her support for the Labour Party leader by wring a T-shirt declaring: “Eradricate the Right Wing Blairite Vermin.” It is the new “gentler, kinder politics” Corbyn wanted:

 

corbyn rally jeremy corbyn

 

Posted: 27th, June 2016 | In: News, Politicians | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: Arsenal get Lukaku to partner Benzema

Arsenal transfer balls with Sky Sports. The website has a question: “Is Romelu Lukaku the answer for Arsenal?” Dunno. Who is asking the question? Readers are told:

Sky Sports has teamed up with Football Whispers to bring you the hottest transfer talk of the moment, as Arsene Wenger looks to improve his squad ahead of the upcoming Premier League season.

Football Whispers?

Football Whispers have developed a unique algorithm to take all of the transfer rumours from across the globe and calculate the likelihood of them happening.

What utter balls.

The Belgian has been linked with a return to former club Chelsea but Football Whispers thinks a move to Arsenal is more likely.

Why? Well, the mysterious algorithm, man. It knows. It knows more than the Evening Standard which says, “Milan rival Chelsea for Lukaku.” Perhaps it just read the story that “Arsenal have agreed personal terms with Everton striker Romelu Lukaku, according to Italian journalist Emanuele Giulianelli.” The Express hears the same source and cries: “Everton Transfers: Arsenal ‘agree’ Lukaku terms as Milan prepare bid.”

 

Screen Shot 2016-06-27 at 17.24.38

 

Who he?

Benzema deal is on: best offer is from Arsenal, £45mln. They will take a decision soon. He wants to reach Wenger.

Did Benzema ever “reach Wenger”? No. The Real Madrid player told Journal du Dimanche:

“I laugh about it with my brother and my friends. We wait for the media to come out with these rumours. In my opinion, I think that Real and Barca are the pinnacle in football. Why would I leave? I’m a starter for the best club in the world. I am happy; it’s that simple,”

On 24 August 2015, Benzema adds: “For all those clowns who want to make believe things at my fans. Here this is my home !

But pump the Emanuele Giulianelli ‘news’ into the Football Whispers algorithm and you have more chance of it being true.

There is balls and now there is computer-generated balls.

Posted: 27th, June 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Brexit: Tony Blair and Nicola Sturgeon vow to reject democracy

The Mirror talks of the “Brexit Crisis”.  The OED says a crisis is “a time of intense difficulty or danger”. Do you feel more endangered than you did before the EU referendum? Jeremy Corbyn does. The Mirror says he is in a “battle to remain”. He faces a “coup” as 11 members quit his shadow cabinet after Labour voters continued to desert the party and he sacked “disloyal” shadow cabinet minister Hilary Benn, one the hereditary Labour hierarchy.

 

brexit crisis

 

The Mirror hears from the stayers and the leavers.

Emily Thornberry, last seen joining the liberal elite in mocking the white working class living in what one Mirror writer called “white man’s gulch“, says the Leavers have “no plan  and no clue as to what happens next”. She says Labour can help by listening to “Labour supporters throughout the country who decided to vote Leave”. Emily, they are not Labour supporters by definition. You suppose too much. Emily says the Tory party is “tearing itself apart”. She says Labour can be the unifying force. And Labour can do this under Jeremy Corbyn.

On the other side is Stephen Kinnock, one of the hereditary Labour hierarchy. Kinnock says “this is the biggest peace-time crisis since the Second World War”. Kinnock says Corbyn lacks the knowledge of Europe to negotiate with the EU. Kinnock says “Jeremy received an unprecedented mandate from our members last year”. Yep, they voted for him. So, Kinnock, a true Europhile, says the will of the people doesn’t matter. Just get rid.

On Page 6, the Mirror says there has been a “surge” in Scotland for a “Scots breakaway”. Right now 54% of Scots are “for” an independent Scotland – 46% are against. In 2014, 55% of Scots voted to remain in the United Kingdom. Nicola didn’t like the result so she wants another referendum. If the result goes the other way, as the Mirror’s poll suggests it will, will the losers under Ruth Davidson do a Nicola and demand another referendum? The Guardian says “Ruth Davidson is the Tory who stands between Scotland and independence.” She’s a formidable sight.

On page 8, the Mirror’s Kevin Maguire thinks a second EU Referendum would be good idea. that, he says, could fix the “gangrenous, gaping national wound”. Kevin backed the losers.

 

the sun  brexit

 

The Daily Star leads with a neat pun: “Corb faces Jexit.” Corbyn is a “red man walking”.

On Page 9, the Star outlines the Brexit plan. Emily Thornberry may care to read it.

The Sun leads with news that Michael Gove is backing “tennis-loving” Boris Johnson to lead the Tories. The Sun mentions Johnson’s love of tennis in the second paragraph. Why? Is the Sun massively popular among tennis fans? The Tories are, of course. Tennis clubs are havens for solid Conservative supporters, as well as adulterers, sex maniacs and alcoholics who find golf too taxing. Doubt that? Just cop a load of Bozza’s bat.

 

boris johnson tennis

 

Tom Newton-Dunn tells readers on Page 5 that one Tory has referred to Westminster as “a cluster of goat fuck with knobs on”. Can we get that in Latin and put it over the door?

On Page 7, readers see a picture of deputy Labour leader Tom Watson at a silent disco at Glastonbury. He’s dancing to his own tune that no-one else is listening to. Yeah, really.

The Daily Express tells readers, “Don’t panic! Why Brexit will be a breeze.”  Passports, the pound, mortgages, savings, pensions and travel are all going to be sorted just fine. Crisis. What crisis? And one other thing: a butcher is now selling sausages in pounds and ounces. Metric is out! Imperial measures are in!

 

brexit daily mail

 

And so the the Mail, the paper that if any can claim it won it, won it. News is of a “plot to block Brexit”. Tony Blair, Nicola Sturgeon, a “senior German” and pro-Remain MPs plan to scupper Brexit. How? They hope there will be a general election before  the formal process of quitting begins. Tony says there could be a second referendum. Nicola says the Edinburgh parliament could block Brexit. They hope the majority who wanted out will see that their voices are still not being listening to and vote in? Do we keep voting until we give the elites the answer they demand?

Over Pages 4 and 5, the Mail tells of “the day Labour imploded”.

On Page 6, we learn that Theresa May wants to beat Boris Johnson to the top Tory job.  And on Page 11, George Osborne “breaks over to claim the City”.

Politics is big news. and the best bit is you can vote anyone you don’t like out at an election. Isn’t democracy great.

 

Posted: 27th, June 2016 | In: Key Posts, News, Politicians, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Ronald McDonald shot outside restaurant

ronald mcdonald shot gunRonald McDonald has been shot at a fast-food restaurant on the USA. Police need not round-up the usual suspect – Hamburglar, Jamie Oliver, France – because Telvin Drummond, 24, from Lumberton, North Carolina, is helping them with their enquiries.

Mr McDonald was shot during an argument behind a Sonic Drive-In restaurant. Reports say the two began shooting at each other and Ronald McDonald was hit.

He’s ok. It is very likely that Mr McDonald cannot be killed by conventional weapons.

 

Posted: 27th, June 2016 | In: News, Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Remain voters flee UK for an EU passport

Mark Scott has news for those of you who voted Remain. You can Leave. Mark Scott is European technology correspondent for The New York Times. And he’s off:

I’ve grudgingly accepted that 52 percent of my fellow citizens wanted to leave the European Union… But… with a heavy heart, I’m applying to become an Irish citizen, saying goodbye to Britain just as it wants to say goodbye to Europe.

So long, Marc.  You can work for a competing economy in another country that offers a better deal.

Remain supporter Oliver Imhof (one for nominative determinism, there) is getting his passport, too. He tells Guardian readers:

Above all other ideological affiliations, I am a democrat. And as a democrat I have to accept a defeat. I have to accept being oppressed by a majority of an older generation that seems intent on depriving us of our future. This is why I am leaving this country.

David Lammy, your snobby MP, doesn’t much like democracy. He can apply to join a country that shares his values, like Russia, Saudi Arabia or Zimbabwe. After all, as The Independent‘s Matthew Norman notes: “The Labour Party is over and Jeremy Corbyn’s stupidity brought it down.” Lammy might be looking for a job soon – and we can vote him out.

 

The EU Ireland

 

 

Posted: 27th, June 2016 | In: Broadsheets, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0