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AUSTRALIANS. Some of you still have the Aussie spirit. It’s not all juice bars, Factor 50 and vegetables. Mad Dog is the real deal. He’s Australian gentleman telling 7 News of how he fought off two modern males wielding swords and spritzing pepper-spray in an attack on his home in the Adelaide suburb of Morphett Vale.
Mad Dog used only his bare hands and sweat.
They won the £150 star prize at Rosies nightclub.
MATT Buck’s cartoon on Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby and payday loan company Wonga:
The talented Hack.
IN 1907, the Progressive Party campaigned for the London County Council Elections.
It was founded in 1888 by a group of Liberals and leaders of the labour movement. It was also supported by the Fabian Society, and Sidney Webb was one of its councillors. In the first elections of the London County Council (LCC) in January 1889 the Progressive Party won 70 of the 118 seats. It lost power in 1907 to the Municipal Reform Party (a Conservative organisation) under Richard Robinson.
The Westminster Gazette featured this advert from the Party. “Electors, beware of false names and Vote Progressive’,” declared the message.
KELLYANN Thompson is the subject of the Sun’s “Online dating turned me from celibate to a sex addict”.
Jenny Francis reports on the 45-year-old single mum-of-four who ”was celibate for three years – but internet dating caused her to become a SEX ADDICT.”
“Before I discovered online dating, I was a serial monogamist who’d never had a one-night stand.”
“When I saw the amount of messages I was getting from men who wanted to sleep with me, I was shocked. It really boosted my confidence and turned me on. I became addicted to the high feeling I got and at first, I didn’t see the harm in having a bit of fun. I had no idea it would lead to an addiction that would take over my life.”
“MY client is a Canadian citizen and f*ck off is not an insult in Canada… but f*ck you is a curse and an insult. F*ck off is commonly used when a person expresses themselves metaphorically and asks another person, who angered them, to walk away,” says Uday Al Kazwini of Dar Al Balagh Advocates and Legal Consultants. He’s representing a 43-year-old Canadian before the Dubai Misdemeanour Court.
“NEW EVIDENCE PUTS SUSPECT AT SCENE OF CRIME”
Phone records show suspect was nearby when Madeleine McCann vanished
Well, yes. All we know for certain is that she vanished. The single thread to the story remains unchanged.
Detectives in Portugal say the data shows that Euclides Monteiro, a convicted thief and heroin user, was close to or at the Ocean Club in Praia da Luz on the night Madeleine was snatched in May 2007.
Smacked-out black man steals child whilst looking for iPod and cash in Portugal? He couldn’t have blended in more had he been wearing a burqa.
Officers are probing whether Monteiro may have taken her out of revenge after being sacked for stealing by the Algarve holiday club.
Was he sacked for stealing? A source says he was accused of stealing and then never turned up for work the next day. Was he sacked, or did he just move on?
The 6ft 2in father-of-two died aged 40 in a tractor accident in 2009. Relatives insist he was innocent and say they will work with police to clear his name.
That he should have to prove his innocence is a failure. But what about that headline placing him at the “scene of crime”?
Records of mobile phone signals obtained by Portuguese police are understood to show that he was in the vicinity of the Ocean Club on the night the three-year-old went missing.
Officers are trying to determine why this might be, as it was a year since he had been sacked and at that time he was living 15 minutes away.
Fetch the ouija board.
But Monteiro’s sister Paula last night claimed he may have sold the phone before Madeleine disappeared. Speaking from her home in Argozelo, northern Portugal, she said: “He was always swapping or selling his phones around that time. I consider myself lucky not to have been arrested because at the time I lent him a mobile which was still in my name. The phone isn’t proof that he was near Madeleine McCann’s apartment. I know he was not there.”
So. There is it: mobile phone of drug-taking black man who worked at Ocean Club was in Praia da Luz on the night the child vanished. Let’s dig him up and beat him with sticks.
Portuguese police continue to examine Monteiro, who emigrated to Portugal as a child from Cape Verde, off west Africa. They are investigating whether he may have been stealing from guests’ rooms at the Ocean Club to feed a heroin habit. Monteiro was convicted of theft in 1996 and served a jail sentence.
Send the man down (six feet)…
HOW did Mohammed Ahmed Mohamed escape? The man, so bad they named him twice, evaded the might of the British security services by wearing a burka. One other man, Ibrahim Magag, escaped by hailing a black cab.
Mr Mohamed went into the Annoor mosque in Acton, London, wearing Western-style clothes (a fleece and trousers) at about 10am. The 27-year-old , with alleged links with the Somali terrorist group al-Shabaab then walked out wearing a burka.
The burka is inviolable.
Labour MP Chris Bryant asked Theresa May, the Home Secretary how this had occurred. May had stated that Mo-Mo posed “no direct threat to the public in the UK”. “What really worries me about your attitude is that you seem to think these two men came up with some phenomenally cunning plan,” said Bryant. “One of them jumped in a black cab and the other slipped on a burka! Surely you understand others will be laughing in your face?”
THE Bank of England decided that they needed to get some women involved on our currency. The hooters and sneerers pointed out that The Queen was pretty ubiquitous on our money, but everyone else acknowledged that it was a bit of a sausagefest and that we’re lucky enough to have some incredible achievements from womenfolk and that should be celebrated.
And so, we ended up with Jane Austen, and no-one could argue with her outstanding contribution to the English language.
ANORAK likes the idea of joined-up newspapers. As Jonathan Haynes puts it: “Presumably it was the fantasy about group sex with old men in the Guardian that led to the stress in the Telegraph?”
WHAT’S the worst part about working at Google ? That question was posed to readers of Business Insider. Some answers err on the creepy side of Norman Bates’ slippers. A selection now follow:
When it’s standard to be awesome, and the work isn’t particularly tough to begin with, it’s hard to differentiate…
Some people end up losing their drive by working at Google. They get accustomed to not trying their hardest, but still having an awesome day-to-day life.
Some caveats: Many Googlers are clearly among the brightest in the world in their field, and they’re able to run full stride in their work. If you take your career into your own hands, you can find a role that challenges and stretches you as much as any other job in the world.
IN a move that normally grates – as in, famous entity starting a Kickstarter campaign, which seems a bit unfair when not-famous folk are trying to get projects off the ground in the same way - Aardman Animations has launched a Kickstarter so they can bring back Morph for a new series.
Of course, you’ll know Aardman through the Wallace and Gromit films (and more), and they’re hoping to bring back their first creation for a brand new series of short films.
Morph first appeared on our radars all the way back in 1977 in Tony Hart’s show Take Hart. Alas, Morph has been off air since the ’90s which is why Aardman’s Peter Lord is seeking £75,000 to bring him back to life.
VIRGINITY. A weird notion. A name given to something you haven’t done yet. Imagine if everything we hadn’t done had a special word. Is there a designated word for someone who hasn’t tried pickled onion Monster Munch yet? There should be because, when it comes down to it, someone’s virginity and pickled onion Monster Munch are about as important as each other (although the latter has more sustained and dependable pleasures).
Either way, people value virginities much more highly than things you can buy from the corner shop. While snacks cost under a quid, one Russian teenager has sold her virginity online for £17,000.
WHO murdered the British family in the French Alps? Who killed Saad al Hilli, a 50-year-old British-Iraqi businessman, Sylvain Mollier, described by Sky News as “apparently an innocent bystander”.
Sky makes no mention of the other names of the killed. Why is the BBC so certain they they do not figure?
The BBC says that Iqbal al Hilli and her mother Suhaila al-Allaf were the other victims.
PUSSY Riot band member Nadezhda Tolokonnikova has disappeared from view.
On October 21, Tolokonnikov was sent to Penal Colony#14 in Mordovia.
THE autumn has been marked by a series of panicky stories about spiders. The tabloid terror news runs in cycles: autumn: spiders; summer: sharks and foxes; winter: lice; and spring: Bill Oddie. Much has been written about the False Black Widow, a big spider that if you’re brave enough to look it in the eyes, pretends to be killer Black Widow, but is in actual fact just a domestic bug playing dress-up.
The location of the real Black Widow spider is not known. She’s missing. In the meantime, the impostor runs amuck, breaking into homes and giving the grieving Black Widow a bad name.
Adding to the spider panic, we read the story of the woman who spotted a gang of spiders in her Sainsbury’s Fair Trade bananas. Consi Taylor, 29, husband Richard and their two young children were forced to abandon their house in Hampton, south-west London. She says the beasts were Brazilian Wandering Spiders, but we’d wager they were False Widows up to their usual tricks.
More than four decades ago the golden eagle was awarded the same protections under US law as the country’s national bird, the bald eagle. Even disturbing their nests is a criminal offence.
The raptor is not considered to be under threat but scientists are worried about a recent increase in the number of golden eagles killed by wind turbines. Eagles in flight tend to focus on the ground below as they look for prey, unaware of the fast-spinning blades in their paths until it’s too late.
MADELEINE McCann: Having rounded up and let the gypsies go (for now) the Daily Mirror tells readers that the latest “suspect” is an African-born black man.
The headline yells: “Madeleine McCann prime suspect pictured: Heroin addict who worked at hotel club”
The prime suspect” is Portuguese immigrant Euclides Monteiro. David Collins writes:
A key suspect in the abduction of Madeleine McCann was fired from the holiday complex where she vanished after police warned staff: “You can’t trust this man.”
A key suspect? But he was the “prime suspect” just one line earlier? And weren’t gypsy abductors giving us hope?
Says the Mirror:
Junkie and ex-jailbird Euclides Monteiro was sacked by the Ocean Club in Praia da Luz, Portugal, the year before the blonde three-year-old disappeared on May 3, 2007.
Because her hair colour is of vital importance.
Yesterday, as the first picture of the 6ft 2in ex-waiter emerged, detectives were investigating the possibility that he kidnapped Madeleine after being disturbed as he broke into her family’s apartment.
Menteiro, known as Toni, died aged 40 in a tractor accident four years ago.
He’s dead. He died in 2009. Let’s dig him up and beat him with sticks. And then arrest him:
But phone records have placed him near the flats at the time she vanished. It is believed he may have been raiding guests’ rooms to feed his heroin habit.
Yeah. Or maybe he wasn’t.
His picture looks nothing like two e-fit images issued by Scotland Yard – but police stress they are still exploring every line of inquiry.
No sh*t. You remember those e-fits? The Mirror shows us them and declared that the man in the picture was “vital” to solving the case.
Is there a witness?
Nelson Rodrigues, 32, a barman and waiter at the Ocean Club for two years, worked alongside Monteiro in 2006. He said yesterday: “On the surface he was a nice guy but there was something not right with him. He would turn up to work with bleary eyes, sometimes he didn’t seem like he was all there. And things were going missing about that time – laptops, jewellery, mobile phones, anything that was lying around.”
A suspected thief in life becomes a child kidnapper in death.
Mr Rodrigues said police were called after Monteiro was accused of stealing tips. He was searched, but nothing was found and he protested his innocence.
Later an officer for Portugal’s national guard took the staff to one side and warned them about Monteiro. Mr Rodrigues recalled: “The officer told us, ‘We know him, you can’t trust that man’. They said he’d been in trouble in the past for drug offences. “That’s the last time he worked at the Ocean Club. I never saw him again.”
What other evidence?
He was living in Lagos, a 15-minute drive from Praia da Luz, when Madeleine disappeared. British expat, George Burke, from Liverpool, reported a possible sighting in Lagos.
He said he saw a girl “remarkably like Madeleine” being dragged along a road to Lagos marina at 6am the day after she went missing.
But Monteiro’s relatives claim police are just looking for a “scapegoat”.
His sister Paula said: “It’s ridiculous – the e-fit they released is a white man and my brother was black. He loved kids. He had a son and daughter and would never have harmed a young girl.”
Such are the facts…
TITANIC survivors Charlotte ‘Lottie’ Collyer and daughter Marjorie It was on a Wednesday we took the train to Southampton. Some of our friends were at the station to see us go, and some of them saw us off on the boat, I didn’t think there was any boat in the world as big as the Titanic. (named Marjery in one report), 8, had a story to tell of that terrible night. Marjorie’s account of the night was reported in the Brooklyn Daily Eagle. She and her mother became famous.
Marjorie’s tale formed part of Charlotte’s story. She had spoken to the San Francisco Call.
I don’t remember very much about the first few days of the voyage. I was a bit seasick, and kept to my cabin mod of the time. But on Sunday, April 14, I was up and about. At dinnertime, I was at my place in the saloon, and enjoyed the meal, though I thought it too heavy and rich. No effort had been spared to serve even to the second cabin passengers on that Sunday the best dinner that money could buy. After I had eaten, I listened to the orchestra for awhile; then, at perhaps nine o’clock, or half-past nine, I went to my cabin. I had just climbed into my berth when a stewardess came in. She was a sweet woman, who had been very kind to me. I take this opportunity to thank her; for I shall never see her again. She went down with the Titanic. “Do you know where we are?” she said pleasantly. “We are in what is called The Devil’s Hole.” “What does that mean?” I asked. “That it is a dangerous pert of the ocean,” she answered. “Many accidents have happened near here. They say that icebergs drift down as far as this. It’s getting to be very cold on deck, so perhaps there’s ice around us now!” She left the cabin, and I soon dropped off to sleep. Her talk about icebergs had not frightened me; but it shows that the crew were awake to the danger. As far as I can tell, we had not slackened our speed in the least. It must have been a little after ten o’clock when my husband came in and woke me up. He sat about and talked to me, for how long I do not know, before he began to make ready to go to bed. And then, the crash!