Anorak

Tabloids | Anorak - Part 20

Tabloids Category

The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.

Caffeine-Use Disorder is as real as your hallucinations

coffee men

 

Scare story of the day is found in the Daily Mail (natch.), wherein we learn of “caffeine-use disorder”.

Sophie Freeman asks:

But how do you know when your love of coffee has gone too far?

When you’re on a …

Posted: 2nd, December 2015 | In: News, Tabloids, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Arsenal: Alexis Sanchez performs hokey cokey to prove his fitness

sanchez injured

 

How injured is Arsenal’s Alexis Sanchez?

He’s IN!

The Mirror: “Sanchez has handed Arsenal a huge boost ahead of Christmas the New Year.”

He’s OUT!

The Sun: “Arsene Wenger fears Alexis Sanchez may miss the festive programme.”

He’s SHAKING

Posted: 2nd, December 2015 | In: Arsenal, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Premier League footballer in Sun schoolgirl stunna sexting sensation

Which part of this Sun headline excites you the most?

Premier league star meets uniformed schoolgirl in street… then sends pics of his manhood just hours later

If it’s the part of the uniformed schoolgirl, then you might wonder if …

Posted: 29th, November 2015 | In: News, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: Liverpool in for 7 Dortmund players (and one plays for Manchester United)

The Metro reports Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp as having said “nothing stopping Liverpool grabbing Marco Reus and Mats Hummels”.

Is that really what he said? Because last January the Metro reported that Reus had agreed to join Real Madrid – …

Posted: 29th, November 2015 | In: Liverpool, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Times corrects The Sun story on British Muslims supporting ISIS

The Times has issued a clarification of a poll that was first reported in The Sun.

the sun isis poll

the sun muslims the sun muslims the sun muslims

 

The Times:

 

The SUn ISIS poll correction

 

Aside the glaring errors, the poll was, er, spot on.

 …

Posted: 26th, November 2015 | In: News, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: Ronaldo shuns Manchester United and follows a stranger to PSG

Did you see that Angel Di Maria has given a “massive hint” that Cristiano Ronaldo is going to join him at PSG? What!? He’s not joining Manchester United? The Sun tells us:

Di Maria drops massive hint Ronaldo is heading

Posted: 26th, November 2015 | In: manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: Manchester United get Gareth Bale, Ronaldo and Benitez

bale ballsIn “GALACTIGO”, the Daily Express says Manchester United are poised to sign Cristiano Ronaldo and Gareth Bale. If Real Madrid sell their players, if Manchester United have the money to sign then, if the players want to leave and play …

Posted: 23rd, November 2015 | In: manchester united, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: Liverpool have £42m for Aubameyang, Chelsea offer £20m, Arsenal release Reus

 

Transfer balls: News is that Liverpool manager Jürgen Klopp is on course to reunite with Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, the  Borussia Dortmund striker who has scored a mere 19 goals in 16 appearances so far this season.

The Guardian says Arsenal …

Posted: 22nd, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Liverpool, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Angelina Jolie not dead: weight falls to weekly deadline

angelina jolie dead

 

Angelina Jolie weighs 83lbs. We know this because the National Enquirer leads with the weighty issue on its cover page. The NE loves to talk about Jolie’s weight. Her love-rival, former Mrs Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston, sucks the tabloid …

Posted: 21st, November 2015 | In: Celebrities, News, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Arsenal balls: fear and panic sell Laurent Koscielny short

wenger fearArsenal could be without Laurent Koscielny for their next Premier League match at West Bromwich Albion. The Sun says in “WENGER’S PARIS FEARS OVER KOSCIELNY” that the Gunner’s French manager Arsene Wenger “fears” the player is “too traumatised by the …

Posted: 20th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: Darren Raekwon McIntosh-Buffonge gets the Manchester United bullshit.com treatment

Manchester United have agreed terms with 17-year-old Darren Raekwon McIntosh-Buffonge. A mere five years ago, Darren was let go by Arsenal. He then tried his luck at Fulham. And now he’s signed a scholarship contract at Old Trafford.

Bit deal …

Posted: 19th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, manchester united, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


England v France: British tabloids sing La Marseillaise in a bikini

It helps, of course, that La Marseillaise is the world’s most sing-alongable national anthem. England football fans can sing it when the Three Lions play Les Blues at Wembley.

The Daily Mirror is here to help everyone who doesn’t have …

Posted: 17th, November 2015 | In: News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Paris murders: 44m Muslim ‘jihadis’ live in Europe and other tabloid horrors

The Daily Express says there are “450 Jihadis on The Loose in the UK”. That’s a precise number. Where are they, and how do we know they are ‘on the loose’?

One line into the story and we read that …

Posted: 16th, November 2015 | In: Key Posts, News, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: Joel Campbell signs for two clubs and vows to stay at Arsenal

Transfer Balls: New now to gladden the hearts of every Arsenal player: Joel Campbell is here to stay.

The Metro says Campbell’s agent sees his client remaining at Arsenal for some time.

Campbell, who signed for Arsenal nearly five years

Posted: 6th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


John Bercow vs The Sun: Sally snogs and hacking Japan

John Bercow, House of Commons speakers and husband to Sally the Seleb, has been “blasted for racking up a £10,000 bill; on a junket to Japan”. So says the Sun. We hear the view of “one senior Tory MP, …

Posted: 5th, November 2015 | In: News, Politicians, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Arsenal balls: Giroud good enough for Bayern, Joel Campbell nicking a living, Wenger ‘poor’

Arsenal get “Mullered” (The Mirror) and work “Nein to 5” (Sun) – papers reacting to the Gunners’ 5-1 thrashing against Bayern Munich.

But what about those points, the scores out of 10 dished out to the teams?

The Mirror’s John …

Posted: 5th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Chelsea benefit from FA conspiracy to let Diego Costa escape ban for Liverpool ‘red card’

In his ‘JOIN THE DEBATE’ column for the Daily Mail, Martin Samuel focuses on Chelsea striker Diego Costa.

Diego Costa will not be charged by the Football Association for his off-the-ball kick on Martin Skrtel. 

Fact. But this is …

Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Liverpool, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Chelsea balls: Mourinho prepares for an assault on the beaches of Stoke, Arsenal and Liverpool

The media narrative is that every Chelsea match is Jose Mourinho’s D-DAY.

Today the Daily Express says Chelsea’s match at Stoke City is the manager’s ‘D-DAY’:

 

D-day Jose Chelsea

 

 

The London Evening Standard said Jose’s D-Day was the match against …

Posted: 3rd, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Chelsea Balls: Jose banned from watching matches on the telly, Makelele linked, yet another D-Day

Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho leads every tabloids’ sports section. The Sun says Mourinho is a “BASKET CASE”. The Mirror agrees, leading with the same headline.

 

Jose Mouinho back pages the Mirror

 

Sticking with the Sun, Jose”s been hit with a “double whammy” of …

Posted: 3rd, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Chelsea balls: Mourinho is sacked following Liverpool defeat and other tabloid toss

Jose Mourinho has been sacked. Either that or else the Daily Express is about as reliable as Diego Costa’s hamstring.

On November 1, Adam Skinner told us that if Chelsea lost to Liverpool, Mourinho would be sacked.

 

Mourinho sacked

 

Chelsea …

Posted: 2nd, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Chelsea balls: Hazard to Real Madrid, the Stamford Bridge poisoner, Mourinho lives in Roman’s head

Jose Mourinho sacked

 

More Jose Mourinho career news in the Express, which leads with an incredible insight into the mind of Blue’s owner Roman Abramovich.

In “ROMAN’S AGONY”, we read that  the Russian billionaire is “agonising over the prospect of sacking …

Posted: 2nd, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Chelsea balls: Eden Hazard ignores Mourinho, Henry saves Jose, tabloids have field day

More Chelsea balls in the Daily Mail, which leads with a series of photos of Jose Mourinho talking with Eden Hazard. The media narrative is that Mourinho is on the “brink” of the sack. Having stuck the Chelsea manager …

Posted: 30th, October 2015 | In: Chelsea, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: Manchester United wait for Neymar as Barcelona show him the money

 

Transfer balls: Are Manchester United buying Neymar?

The Sun says Barcelona will offer the Brazilian £500,000-a-week.

Can United top that?

In another article the Sun says Man United will “play the long game”. Neymar is 23, Will United …

Posted: 29th, October 2015 | In: manchester united, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeleine McCann: 4 police, Google gold and front-page news

Madeleine McCann: a look at the missing child in the media.

The Sun (front page): “Cops in hunt for Maddie slashed”

The “search” has been “drastically cut back”. Reducing the number of police officers on the case from a …

Posted: 29th, October 2015 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, News, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Chelsea balls: Mourinho’s new low, Stoke City are easy, Blues ‘plumb new depths’

Chelsea balls: The Sun sticks its napkin into its collar, picks up a knife and fork and tucks into Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho. Stoke – a Premier League playing at home – beat Chelsea on penalties in the League Cup.…

Posted: 28th, October 2015 | In: Chelsea, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0