Posts Tagged ‘australia’
Let’s Rip Those Brits To Bits And Other Australian Olympic Sports
DID you know that Great Britain, or Team GB as the brand says, scored more gold medals than Australia at the China Olympics?
And did you know what else – the best bit about it is? The Australians cared. They cared enough to produce a film of “a posturing Pom” – “a Brit with a mouth as wide as the Thames” – telling Australians:
“You haven’t got what it takes . . . the only gold you will be picking up is from a chocolate wrapper.”
Indeed. Britons are no longer whingeing Poms. Britons are gloating, brash, cock-sure winners.
“Let’s rip the Brits to bits in London 2012,” comes the Aussie slogan.
Higher. Faster. Sadder. That’s the new motto of the Australian Olympic movement. If there one thing that makes winning a swimming medal worthwhile it is seeing the loser take it to heart.
Britain Expects
Of course the message is all wrong. Britain’s new motto may be Dipso Tesco Asbo, but we are noble sports to a man and had the Australians only asked we’d have most likely given them a medal for turning up, or invented new game for them to win.
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Posted: 8th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (5)
Naked Bart Simpson Is Paedophilia And Child Porn
BUT is it porn, you know that London 2012 Olympic logo of Lisa Simpson giving London a b*** j**?
To Australia, where Justice Michael Adams dismisses the appeal made by Alan John McEwan over his conviction for possessing child pornography and using his computer to access child pornography.
In February, McEwan appeared before the Beak who said that if the images had contained real children he would have been jailed. McEwan was fined $3000 and placed on a ‘good behaviour bond’.
McEwan felt wronged. His images depict figures that “plainly and deliberately” depart from the human form, says he.
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Posted: 8th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (14)
The Baby Swinging Video And Other Thought Crimes
SWINING a baby:
Meanwhile, the man who posted the fake baby-swinging video last month says he was arrested, claiming that Australian authorities “raided his home and office, and seized his computers” before “charging him with accessing, downloading and uploading child abuse material with the intent to distribute.”
He says he downloaded it. Is watching this video a thought crime?
Posted: 8th, December 2008 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Convicted Insane Killer Gets Livence To Drive Australian Taxi
TO Australia’s Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal where a criminally insane man is in the dock.
The man killed his wife, but escaped a murder conviction on the grounds of insanity. Approved! He is now able to drive a taxi.
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Posted: 8th, December 2008 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)
White Possum Is First Mammal Wiped Out By Global Warming: Fact
THE Australian a white possum is the first animal to be made extinct by global warming. Possibly. Dame Edna may not outlive her audience. The Courier Mail enlarges:
Scientists believe some frog, bug and insects species have also been killed off by climate change. But this would be the first known loss of a mammal and the most significant since the extinction of the Dodo and the Tasmanian Tiger.
Believe. Let’s stick to the scientific facts on the “Dodo of the Daintree“. The G’Day Gonad.
“It is not looking good,” researcher Steve Williams said.
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Posted: 5th, December 2008 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
A University Course In White Trash Studies
SO bad was George Bush at being president that Americans voted for a black man. And now Barack Obama is in charge, there is nothing for white men to do other then discuss where it all went wrong.
Nowhere is the debate more earnest than at Australia’s Monash University.
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Posted: 4th, December 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment (1)
Australian Teachers Ban Aggressive Red Pens
WRITE on, Miss:
TEACHERS have been told to stop marking schoolchildren’s work with red pen because it is an “aggressive” colour.
See red yet?
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Posted: 3rd, December 2008 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)
The Man In The Moon Smiles On Sun-Fried Australia
IN Australia it’s hot. Damn hot. When it’s not raining and it’s not snowing it is scorching hot.
And when the sun goes down to recharge for another day’s merciless onslaught, the moon pops up and brigthens everyone’s day…
Posted: 2nd, December 2008 | In: Photojournalism, Strange But True | Comment
Whingeing Aussies And Boob Tubes
VIA Andrew Bolt:
Australians are ‘world class whingers’, carry around a ‘prophets of doom’ attitude and have a tendency to sulk.
Still, there’s always Aussie Rules, although the boob tubes do chafe..
Shane Obama: Barack Obama’s Australian Kin
BARACK Obama Watch: Today Barack is appearing in marketing for Baz Luhrmann‘s new film, Australia. Says Bazza:
“The President-elect of the United States is 47. If he was living in Australia, it is absolutely credible that the government, because he had one white parent and one black parent, could have taken him forcibly from his family”
Use the magic dust, Barack! No, not that dust!
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Posted: 26th, November 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment
Australian Down And Out Saved By Wine
THE old media needs to embrace the new media. And at the Age, they are learning how. Here’s the story of how wine is both bad and good for you.
Lesson 1: Work on the layout:
Nicole Kidman’s Frozen Face
“She can’t act. Instead, she drifts around films like a lost porcelain doll, looking frozen, brittle and vapid, staring at the camera with her oh-golly-look-how-I’m-looking-interesting blue eyes” – Melanie Reid on Nicole Kidman in Australia
Posted: 25th, November 2008 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)
Mosques End Segregation Of Men And Women
SO it’s not all them and us:
AUSTRALIA’S most senior Muslim has said he will end segregation of men and women in mosques, in a bold response to Islamic women’s anger at entrenched discrimination.
Assimilation…
Posted: 22nd, November 2008 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)
Cold Australians March Up And Down For Global Warming
GLOBAL warming. Brrrrr!
In The Age, last weekend:
Thousands march to stop climate warming
In The Age, this weekend:
Snow falls as state shivers
Light a fire. Save the whales…
Posted: 22nd, November 2008 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
Advance On Australia Fair: We Attack At Dawn
CAN it be time to bomb Australia, or at least blow up her naval ports and airstrips?
Defence Minister Joel Fitzgibbon says a two-month Navy shutdown over Christmas has been ordered to give staff a rest as the Navy continues to grapple with staff shortages.
The shutdown will involve all ships not on operational duties and some staff will be allowed to work from home.
To the bathtub, me hearties. But the kettle on and when she boils, pipe me aboard, mother. Thar she blows!
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Australia’s Sex Party Wants You
SUCH is the lack of people in Austrlia, they’re holding a Sex Party. Did they all vote for Obama?
Sex is a wonderful thing. It’s the reason we were born and (mostly) its NOT the reason we die. Sex, as gender, defines who we are and often what roles we undertake in society. It’s responsible for a heck of a lot of pleasure and fulfillment in life.
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Posted: 17th, November 2008 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)
Paris Hilton Catches A Virus Down Under
THE results are in and the nickname you the readers have chosen for Paris Hilton is…Bongo Virus.
But what’s this? The name has already been taken, and not by Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears nor Anthea Turner.
Bongo Virus is the name of a social networking group in Australia. Paris is stymied, and remains stuck with her name, that, as French readers note, should read Hilton Paris, or Hilton de Paris, to give it the full trick.
Posted: 14th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Bansturbation In Australia: Banning The Internet
IN AUSTRALIA the new mandatory net filter is being readied to block 10,000 websites that deal in “unwanted content”.
How is it unwanted? We know not, only that it is.
Posted: 13th, November 2008 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (4)
Buying Shares With Australia’s Mr Bud Gerigar
THIS native Australian has made his first purchase is in reputable listed company Downer EDI.
He receives a welcome letter from Downer EDI company secretary Stephen Mockett: Dear, Mr Bud Gerigar ….
As The Age notes:
Holding shares under false names can help in tax avoidance and money laundering. The extent of off-market transfers of shares to fake identities and the amount of tax revenue lost in Australia as a result remains a mystery.
If only they’d have used Mr Parrot instead. He’d have talked, wheras Mr Bud Gerigar only tweets.
Read on…
Posted: 13th, November 2008 | In: Money | Comment (1)
Aborignes Demonised By White Man Porn
HEADLINE off the day: “Aboriginal pawns in nanny state’s porn game.”
The Australian fails to follow up the zippy headline all that much fun. Readers get a story about racism in Australia and how porn demoinses Aborigines who might look at it.
We live, of course, in a post-racial world. Barack Obama told us that.
More here
Posted: 10th, November 2008 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
Romeril Loses Patrick White Award
HATS off to John Romeril who wins the most ironic competition in art:
Romeril, 63, was announced yesterday as the latest winner of the Patrick White Award for writers judged not to have received adequate recognition for their work.
Only.. But…
Posted: 10th, November 2008 | In: Strange But True | Comment
When Wallabies Attack:
IN Australia:
WILD wallabies are terrorising a Townsville retirement village, knocking over residents and defecating on lawns and patios.
Residents at Carlyle Gardens are said to be too afraid to leave their homes when the 100-strong mob runs amok in the early mornings and late afternoons.
Australians…
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Posted: 30th, October 2008 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)
Call Me An Australian Paedophile And We’ll Split The Winnings
THE District Court Judge in Australia hears that when the man’s daughter answered the door, the grandmother told her:
“You know your dad’s a paedophile – a complete stranger came up to me in the street and told me.”
The man, the grandfather of child in a custody and access dispute, launches defamation proceedings.
Judge Gibson awards him $30,000 in compensation.
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Posted: 22nd, October 2008 | In: Strange But True | Comment
A Statement On Modern Warfare And Dwindling Fossil Fuel Supplies
“WHAT stands six metres tall, takes three days to put together and has something special to say about modern warfare and dwindling fossil fuel supplies?”
That question to readers of the University of Queensland’s website.
Old Mr Anorak suggests a) a longbow; b) Victoria Beckham (in heels); c) an exploding mongoose.
And we would agree with them all. But then the question is rhetorical and the answer is soon given as:
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Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Reviews | Comments (4)
Not In My Back Yard: WWF Conservationist Cuts Down Trees And Flies
CONSERVATIONISTS. They prowl the planet by (see below), minibus and boat to tell you what to do. And when they get home, as the Sydney Morning Herald notes:
THE wife of a convener of the Australian Conservation Foundation is being charged with the alleged removal of 150 trees on the couple’s Blue Mountains property.
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Posted: 12th, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Strange But True | Comments (4)
