Posts Tagged ‘Music’
Westboro Baptist Church Versus Foo Fighters!
WHILE the Foo Fighters have yet to kill or paste a single ‘Foo’, they’ve got a battle pressing. After they released their ‘Hot Buns’ video, they horsed around in the showers of a gas station, dressed like truckers and playing the whole homo-erotic thing for laughs.
And it is funny.
However, profoundly not-laughing are the pickled foetuses that make up the numbers at the Westboro Baptist Church who are going after The Nicest Band In Rock.
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Posted: 7th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Puke, Sex And Boobs: Adele Is Opening Her Mouth Again
ADELE is so hot right now. No, that’s not because she’s under five blankets and covered in VapoRub because she’s got yet another illness which has forced her to cancel some shows! We mean ‘hot’ in the figurative sense. We mean ‘she happens to be very popular at the moment in time’.
Of course, there’s fans who have been duped by her use of ‘real instruments’ and the fact she doesn’t look like one of The Saturdays into believing she’s The Real Deal and will be around forever with her ‘timeless music’, but then again, you could’ve said the same about Alisha’s Attic and no bugger remembers them.
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Posted: 6th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
New Order To Reform Without Peter Hook
MADCHESTER, la la la. That’s the cry of a man who really ought to have a little trip to Dignitas for failing to move on with his life. His pink pallor, glowing in the summer sun poking from his knock-off parka, scuffed shell-toe Adidas worn well from waddling around Britain like a No Frills Ian Brown.
However, all is not lost for this sorry specimen because New Order are getting back together. Sadly, the man who houses him on a weekend at the derided ‘Factory 251’ club in Manchester – Peter Hook – hasn’t been invited.
Of course, New Order split for a second time in 2007 a couple of LPs, but now they’re going to play some Hookless shows as benefit for film producer Michael Shamberg, who has been rotten sick since 2005.
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Posted: 5th, September 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)
Chris Brown Might Have His Probation Revoked For Being A Lousy Neighbour
NEIGHBOURS. Everybody needs good neighbours, with a little understanding. However, when you live next door to Chris Brown, you probably won’t rate him that much.
Not only is he the purveyor of spectacularly dreadful music, but he’s also that guy who lamped Rihanna in the face with his bony hands until she bled all over the place. And now, because he’s still on probation for being a bit too ‘hands-on’, a judge would like to know whether he’s a good neighbour or not.
Sadly for Brown, there’s been complaints about him.
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Posted: 26th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Amy Winehouse And Tony Bennett’s Duet Appears Online – Have A Listen
HAHAHA! Wasn’t it funny when a young woman died after battling with the pain that once made great tunes ended up eating her whole! Really funny! She wasn’t even in her thirties! WHAT A RIOT! AMY WINEHOUSE WAS MENTALLY ILL! HA HA HA!
Of course, it really isn’t funny when a young talented woman dies, but if it wasn’t for our collective gallows humour, we’d probably spend all day crying.
We may still have our chance to weep like emo-babies because it’s pretty obvious that Amy Winehouse’s record label will be eyeing up a load of half-assed demos and looking at making a pretty penny on them. That said, not all posthumous releases are going to be lame as a short clip of the leaked Amy Winehouse duet with Tony Bennett has appeared online.
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Louis Walsh Called Simon Cowell A ‘Fool’: It’s Like Chosing Between Illnesses
TAKING sides is never easy. However, as humans, we’re preprogrammed to do exactly that. Whether it’s football teams or pooh-sticks floating down a river, we need to back someone because without competitiveness in our lives, we’re nothing.
However, what do we do when both sides are equally odious? Step forward, the catfight that is Louis Walsh and Simon Cowell. On one hand, we have a coal eyed, man boobular, high-waist banded snark; the other, we have a camp lunatic who has never once introduced his brain to his mouth (like a little Lenny Henry, you might say).
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Posted: 15th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)
PJ Harvey Doesn’t Like New Bands And Thinks New Music Is Dull (Which Is Rich)
FOX-HUNTING supporter and Mercury-nominated (we’re legally obliged to write that in sadly) PJ Harvey has branded modern music ‘dull’ and ‘unoriginal’ despite making tedious LPs that lean far too heavily on whatever the alt.zeitgeist of the day is in the first place.
Speaking to the NME, Polly Harvey said:
“Not for a lack of knowing it exists, but because I find nothing that interests me.”
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Posted: 12th, August 2011 | In: Music | Comments (3)
Justin Bieber To Star In Dirty Dancing Remake?
WOMEN! You like Dirty Dancing don’t you? Of course you do! It’s got love and dancing in it! It’s got Patrick Swayze’s muscles in when they were alive! It’s got Jennifer Grey in it before she completely transformed her face by making her nose vanish with plastic surgery! It’s got that song in it! AND THE LIFT! THE BIT WITH THE LIFT!
Oh, it’s so romantic and junk!
So which vapid, apple pie dross are going to star in the remake of the classic I’m On My Period And Want To Be Left Alone, Thanks film?
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Posted: 11th, August 2011 | In: Film | Comment (1)
Miley Cyrus Has Some Gay On Her Finger And Angers God Botherers
DISNEY stars are always expected to be wholesome and Christian. If you get up to mischief, then you’re a ‘disgraced Disney’ alumni. If you are not a Christian, then you’ll probably be cast as a baddie in one of their awful films or TV shows. They’ve got a formula and boy howdy, are they sticking to it.
And so, Miley Cyrus graduated from Hannah Montana and decided to start acting like a irresponsible young adult, just like all the other brilliantly irresponsible adults around the world.
She was caught on video smoking a bong and she’s from a broken home. It’s fantastic. She’s kinda got away with it so far, but now she’s made God botherers cry angry tears all over their Bibles.
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Posted: 1st, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Is It Weird That Amy Winehouse’s Clothes Were Being Handed Out To Grievers?
AMY WINEHOUSE’S death wasn’t pleasant at all. It’s always terribly sad when a young person dies, regardless of status or dependency on drugs.
And the general response has been pretty touching and pleasingly without too much hysteria. There was a quiet acknowledgement that, while her passing was sad, it wasn’t exactly surprising.
Fans gathered to have an impromptu wake near her house, disturbing the neighbourhood – which Amy would’ve invariably enjoyed.
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Posted: 29th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Lauryn Hill Has Sixth Child, But No More Music And Seeks Privacy On Twitter
REMEMBER when Lauryn Hill was one of the most thrilling popstars on the planet. She could rap like a champ and had a voice that came straight outta Soulsville. Basically, she was the Fugees. When she went solo, she only went about making one of the finest LPs ever cut to wax.
And then she vanished like a big selfish baby.
While we all cowered around our copies of Doo Wop (That Thing), she went and pushed out Zion David-Nesta, Selah, Joshua, John and Sarah with on/off beau, Rohan Marley.
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Posted: 27th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Michael Jackson’s Trial Won’t Have Video Thanks To Worried Businessmen
WHILE Michael Jackson’s relatives cash-in on the interest surrounding the imminent trial of Dr Conrad Murray and his magical propofol, everyone has eyes squarely on the courtroom.
Will it be televised? Will Jackson’s naked body be displayed on air (you can titter, but this is a genuine possibility)? Will Dr Conrad Murray ever get anything close to a fair trial thanks to constant media coverage and opinion?
Either way, raw film footage of Michael Jackson rehearsing a planned concert in the days before his death isn’t going to be shown to the jury after a ruling from a Los Angeles judge, which is bad news for the prosecutors.
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Posted: 26th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6)
Britney Spears Getting Sued For Picking Her Nose And Farting Loads
ANORAK readers are, on the whole, disgusting pigs. So are we writers of this esteemed online publication. We all sit around eating our bogeys, winding off in our ill-fitting trousers covered in sex stains and generally making everyone else feel wholly adequate.
However, we’re all in good company as it transpires that Britney Spears is an absolute pig of a human.
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Posted: 21st, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)
Lady GaGa Says Cocaine Is The Devil, Devil Said To Be Hurt By That Comment
WHILE talking to Howard Stern, Lady GaGa decided to talk about drugs. Now, this is a woman who once said that she used to toot blow from a copy of the Bible that she had in her apartment.
So drugs are cool, right Little Monsters?
Howard Stern asked:
“When you talk about getting high, I mean, you were doing some hard core drugs, you were into coke and you loved Ecstasy…”
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Posted: 19th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Justin Bieber And Selena Gomez Go And Spoil Someone’s Wedding
CHEEK! The absolute cheek! Warbling foetus Justin Bieber and his child-bride, Selena Gomez, were walking along a beach in Malibu together when they heard Bieber’s wretched song, One Less Lonely Girl, playing at a party.
Instead of being quietly pleased that his autotuned pap was being appreciated and getting on with his life, the little swine decided to go and steal everyone’s thunder by gatecrashing.
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Posted: 18th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Simon Cowell Witnesses The Extent Of Paula Abdul’s Lunacy
IT must take a hell of a lot to shock Simon Cowell. He’s worked in the music industry for years and has to deal with Louis Walsh all the time. He’s probably seen horrors that would make a soldier cry. However, he obviously has a limit… and that is Paula Abdul.
It’s said that the music and TV mogul has had to actually ask Abdul to stop “embarrassing” him by ordering her dog a meal and mineral water when they eat together.
That’s right. Paula Abdul gets her stupid chihuahua – Tulip – to sit at the dinner table, and eat with the humans. Of course, the easiest course of action would be to simply throw Tulip onto the nearest griddle and swallow it down in one.
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Posted: 5th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)
Gwyneth Paltrow Says Marriage ‘Isn’t Perfect’ While Pointing At Stupid Chris Martin
SURPRISE! Being married to Coldplay’s Chris Martin isn’t all its cracked up to be! For starters, just imagine him walking around the house singing to himself. You’d either cut your ears off with pinking shears or take a screwdriver to this throat.
Of course, it isn’t that one-sided. Imagine the horror of having to deal with Gwyneth Paltrow crying every time she accepts absolutely anything from anyone, welling up and preparing teary speeches when offered a brew or whatever.
And so, it isn’t a surprise that Gwyneth says her marriage to Chris Martin isn’t as wonderful as wonderful can be, saying “it’s not perfect”.
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Posted: 5th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Aaron Carter Says That Michael Jackson ‘Gave Me Cocaine’
REMEMBER Aaron Carter? Of course you don’t. He’s a nobody. He’s a failure from Dancing With the Stars, the brother of a Backstreet Boy and once released a bunch of awful, awful cover versions in the hope of becoming a baby sensation like Justin Bieber.
These days, he’s just a thing with muscles that occupies perfectly good space.
That said, Carter was once in the affections of Michael Jackson, which is nice and innocent isn’t it?
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Posted: 1st, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
La Toya Jackson Claims That Michael Was Murdered Like A Mad Conspiracy Theorist (Photos)
MURDER! That’s what Officer La Toya Jackson is crying at the moment about the untimely passing of her very dead brother, Michael Jackson.
What would make her say such a thing? A quest for the truth? Or is it to promote her new new autobiography, ‘Starting Over’? We don’t need to answer that do we? So what is La Toya ‘David Icke’ Jackson claiming then? Bizarrely, she seems to be suggesting that he was murdered for his music catalogue.
La Toya says that Michael feared that there were people who wanted him dead so they could steal his music estate.
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Posted: 21st, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Justin Timberlake Is A Filthy Dope Fiend Who Likes Sticking Drugs Up Himself
SEXY back? Justin Timberlake is more likely to be indulging in blow-backs after he admitted that he “absolutely” smokes marijuana.
So there you go. Timberlake is nothing but a wretched stoner who is wheeling out the same ol’ line of ‘it helps me to switch off and relax’. Aye, and eat two thousand packets of Cheetos while giggling at monkey’s pissing in their own mouths in YouTube videos.
He said:
“The only thing pot does for me is it gets me to stop thinking. Sometimes I have a brain that needs to be turned off. Some people are just better high.”
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Posted: 16th, June 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)
Selena Gomez Gets A ‘Being Brave’ Sticker In Children’s Hospital: Bieber Fans Pray For Her Death
DID you hear about Selena Gomez being rushed to hospital suffering from feeling pukous and having a eye-melting headache? Are you a demented Bieber fan who has been sending death-threats, cheering that she might die and that, in fact, your little voodoo doll actually worked?
Good for you. You must be thrilled, despite the fact Bieber still won’t ever take his miniature arousal anywhere near you because you’d inevitably kill his lust by constantly screaming at him.
Anyway, Gomez, has been getting lots of medical attention and it is thought that she has a combination of food poisoning and exhaustion. Everyone is looking at Beliebers as potential poisoners.
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Posted: 13th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Justin Bieber And Chris Brown Team Up To Really Hate Women Together
TOGETHER, Chris Brown and Justin Bieber have an amazing loathing for womankind. Sure, they may croon their paeans to the boobier sex, but they both quite obviously loathe them.
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Posted: 13th, June 2011 | In: Music | Comments (3)
Rihanna ‘Gropes’ Underage Fan And Parent Goes Mental: Photos
RIHANNA was once a really enjoyable pop-star. Now, she’s a controversy-machine, continually setting out to shock people without letting up, leaving everyone a little tired of the whole thing thanks to overkill.
And now, she’s outraged a mother by apparently ‘groping’ one of her fans who is underage. Of course, ‘underage’ implies that Rihanna groped the fan up her front-garden or something, which clearly isn’t the case or the headline would read ‘Rihanna Rapes Child’. Which she didn’t.
The photos, posted online at MediaTakeOut.com have been complained about by the girl in question’s family, which is invariably the source of great embarrassment to a teenage girl, now set for a life of bullying from her peers, thanks to her Auntie shooting her mouth off like a weird homophobe.
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Bird Of Prey Cloner Jessie J Wishes That The Press Would Stop Making Things Up About Her And Her 60ft Long Chin Made From Bricks
YOU have to be rather impressed with Jessie J’s career thus far. She’s managed to cram and entire pop lifespan into a matter of months, already suffering from a gaping backlash that normally befalls artists who have been around for decades.
She was reasonably well received initially, before turning into an overnight hate-figure simply by existing. You’ve heard her histrionics right? God. Doesn’t it make you want to punch her in the throat (figuratively speaking of course, we don’t condone punching people in the throat here)?
Not that she has a throat.
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Pink Has A Baby Girl On Twitter: Willow Sage Hart Photos
PINK has always defined herself by what she’s isn’t. She’s not some stupid girl, she’s not shallow, she’s not like ‘them’, she’s ‘fragile’, she’s… well… incredibly ordinary if the truth be told.
You see, while passing herself off as this outsider who managed to win over the mainstream, she’s actually just like every other singer out there who thinks that her personal life is in some way special to us all. She’s told everyone about her sexuality, her break-ups and rows and now we’re going to hear aaaalll about her new baby girl, which was planted in Pink’s womb by husband Carey Hart.
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Posted: 3rd, June 2011 | In: Music | Comments (18)
