Anorak

Film | Anorak - Part 18

Film Category

Includes cinema reviews and trailers for upcoming films. A digest of the best and worst interviews on movies and cinema.

Can Tom Selleck’s Moustache Make Everything Better? Video Experiment

CAN every film be made better with Tom Selleck’s Moustache? Let’s see…


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Posted: 26th, September 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Hysteria Surrounds Maggie Gyllenhaal’s Shared Vibrators (Video)

ANORAK is used to actors getting into the role. So. Here’s Maggie Gyllenhaal talking about getting into the part (surely the part getting into her? – Ed) for Hysteria, a film tracing the invention of the vibrator:

“By the time I finished the movie I’d been sent maybe 15 vibrators by different people in London with vibrator stores. It was a pleasant surprise. So I have this incredible collection, and I actually use like one or two of them. I lend them to my friends, and they’ll take them for six months at a time.”

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Posted: 22nd, September 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comment


The Reviews For Allison Pearson’s I Don’t Know How She Does It Are Beyond Parody

ALLISON Pearson’s book I Don’t Know How She Does It has ben turned into a film starring Sarah Jessica Parker. If the reviews are a guide, the movie should be hilarious:

Sandra Parsons writes in the Daily Mail:

Now, I hate to sound unsisterly. But if I hear one more woman droning on about how hard life is for us today, I may have to set about her with my enormously bulky handbag — or possibly a copy of my predecessor Allison Pearson’s brilliant novel, I Don’t Know How She Does It, now made into a film with Sarah Jessica Parker.

When the novel was published ten years ago, a colleague who’d just had a baby bought me a copy, admiringly inscribed: ‘I really don’t know how you do it!’ (At the time, I had a full-time job, a five-year-old and a baby). My answer then was the same as it is now: by simply getting on with it.

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Posted: 16th, September 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Halle Berry Films Cloud Atlas In Glasgow: The Fatima Whitbread Story (Photos)

HALLE Berry is filming Cloud Atlas in Glasgow. The film also stars Tom Hanks. It’s about… Well, it seem to be a tribute to Fatima Whitbread, the former Briitish champion in the javelin.

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Posted: 16th, September 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Madonna’s Frozen WE Proves That Wallis Simpson Was Misunderstood – And So Was Hitler (Photos)

MADONNA is doing the round, plugging her first feature-length directorial effort W.E.. It’s the story of Wallis Simpson, the Nazi fan who married King Edward VIII and was very misunderstood. Who knew, for instance, that Wallis and her brown shirted chums could be, as The Times says, “screamingly, inadvertently funny in parts [that] had ‘em rolling in the aisles at Venice”?

The Guardian says the film is “primped and simpering folly, preening and fatally mishandled”. The Daily Mail – the paper that once declared “Hurrah For the Black Shirts” – says it’s pretty good. The film’s allure is not all helped by Madge, whose face seems frozen in horror, like that moment in Curb Your Enthusiasm when Larry David forgets his lines in The Producers and the theatre audience reacts with impression of Munch’s The Scream. Stuff Botox, just catch Madonna’s new film and experience a face freeze.

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Posted: 3rd, September 2011 | In: Film | Comment (1)


Emma Stone Serves The Canapes At The 37th American Film Festival: Photos

THE 37th American Film Festival in swanky Deauville, Normandy, France, celebrates American film…in France. This is how you invigorate a seaside report on grey day in September. Over the waves in Blighty, they’ve got ice-creams, ketchup in sachets and bits of sandblasted coloured glass. In France, they’ve got Bill Murray, Kate Bosworth, Dolores Chaplin, Emma Stone posing for a photocall for their film “The Help” and canapes…

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U.S actress Emma Stone poses for a photocall for her film "The Help" during the 37th American Film Festival in Deauville, Normandy, France, Saturday Sept. 3, 2011. (AP Photo /Michel Spingler)

Posted: 3rd, September 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Photos Of Brad Filming World War Z In Glasgow: The Americans Are Coming To Take Us Away

BRAD Pitt was spotted filming World War Z near George Square, Glasgow. Before we spotted Mr Angelina Jolie, we spotted the US-style police car on the street. Was this, we thought, the introduction of hardcore US policing that David Cameron had mooted for his Bullingdon Britain? Would we be shot in the face for jaywalking? Thankfully, not yet – the rains came and the big American zebra crossing washed away. And then we spotted Brad. And we knew that things were going to be OK – especially if he adopted us. C’mon Brad – pick a Scottish kid and take him to America. C’mon, Big Man, wadda yer say..? You can’t live of deep-fried crickets for ever. You need a Mars Bar…battered…

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Brad Pitt waves as he leaves the set of World War Z near George Square, Glasgow.

Posted: 17th, August 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Conan The Barbarian Premier Photos: Rose McGowan Surfs Jason Mamoa’s Eyebrows

TO the premiere of Conan The Barbarian, with Rose McGowan, Zoe Kravitz, Ron Perlman, Rachel Nichols and Jason Momoa all sat on Jason Mamoa’s eyebrows.

Anorak enjoys a man who finds time to tweezer his brow before battering demonic snakes and smacking a big horse in the face with a chain Mr T would find showy.

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Posted: 12th, August 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Get Your Big Pants Ready! Bridget Jones 3 Is Coming!

HEY! Curvy women! The actually-thin-but-puts-weight-on-because-someone-pays-her-to Renée Zellweger is coming back to play Bridget Jones in an attempt to pretend she’s one of you, thereby making your worthless lives that little bit more recognisable.

Of course, that seems needlessly aggressive. Suffice to say, we’ve all got worthless lives, including Renée Zellweger.

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Posted: 12th, August 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Justin Bieber To Star In Dirty Dancing Remake?

WOMEN! You like Dirty Dancing don’t you? Of course you do! It’s got love and dancing in it! It’s got Patrick Swayze’s muscles in when they were alive! It’s got Jennifer Grey in it before she completely transformed her face by making her nose vanish with plastic surgery! It’s got that song in it! AND THE LIFT! THE BIT WITH THE LIFT!

Oh, it’s so romantic and junk!

So which vapid, apple pie dross are going to star in the remake of the classic I’m On My Period And Want To Be Left Alone, Thanks film?

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Posted: 11th, August 2011 | In: Film | Comment (1)


Marilyn Monroe Film Opens In New York, Reminding Us All That She Was Pretty Fit

PRETTY much everyone on Earth has lusted after Marilyn Monroe at some point. It’s actually become a law that you have to have sexual thoughts about her, even if you have absolutely no interest in the female form.

And now, we’ll get the chance to remember how attractive she was as a film about the late actress’s time in England in 1956 is to premiere at the New York Film Festival.

My Week With Marilyn tells the tale of a brief encounter between Monroe and a set assistant while she was filming The Prince and the Showgirl with Laurence Olivier. Monroe will be played by the also fancied Michelle Williams. Kenneth Branagh star as Olivier to keep our arousal in check.

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Posted: 8th, August 2011 | In: Film | Comment


RAED Is A Movie Star: Still Flowin’ – The Film Sensation Of The Year

RAED is not only Anorak’s favouite rapper – representing the future of hip-hip (must see) – he is also a film star, or movie star as his acolytes would have it. RAED is declared the Winner of World’s Got Talent 2011:

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Posted: 8th, August 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes Premiere Photos: Rupert Grint Loves Tom Felton

AT the Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes Premiere in Los Angeles, Rupert Grint arrived wearing a T-shirt on which had been daubed the legend “I LOVE TOM FELTON”. What can the Harry Potter stars be up to? Who knows? But also there was James Franco – who is shiny-eyed with love…

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Posted: 29th, July 2011 | In: Film | Comment


The Skin I Live In Photos: Grace Jones Gives Good Face

TO The Skin I Live In screening at Somerset House, London, which opens the Film 4 Summer Screenings. If Pedro Almodovar’s film looks as good as Grace Jones, it’ll be a hit. The plot is:

A brilliant plastic surgeon (Antonio Banderas), haunted by past tragedies, creates a type of synthetic skin that withstands any kind of damage. His guinea pig is (Elena Anaya) a mysterious and volatile woman who holds the key to his obsession.

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Posted: 27th, July 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Harry Potter Lost In World’s Biggest Maze: Can You Spot The Difference?

FROM the air over York Maze – the largest maize maze in Europe! – you can see two versions of Harry Potter fashioned from bushes. Farmer Tom Pearcy’s twin portraits are not identical. Can you spot the difference?

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Posted: 11th, July 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Jennifer Aniston In Trouble For Gay Slur: Because Homophobia Is Good Box Office Unlike Racism

UH-OH! Jennifer Aniston is in a bit of trouble at the moment. No, it’s nothing to do with those thousands of episodes of Friends where she nearly had the whole world’s eye out thanks to a lack of bra under her vest, but rather, she’s said a homophobic slur.

Naturally, she’s isn’t some raging gay-basher, but rather, it is something she’s said in character.

Aniston plays a seductive dentist (sigh) called Dr Julia Harris in the new film, Horrible Bosses. In it, she tells her dental assistant:

“You’re starting to sound like a little faggot there, Dale.”

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Posted: 8th, July 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comments (4)


The Iron Lady: Meryl Streep’s On Course For Margaret Thatcher’s Oscar

THE Irony Lady will tell the story of Margaret Thatcher’s rise to power in the manner of The King’s sepech. Maggie has speech issues. But she overcomes them with an iron fist and the mane of bullet hard hair – hair that, incidentally, that caused a young Marxist named Donald Trump to sit up and say to his comrades: “That’s the look for me. Whenever she drops a string of that thread – you go geddit!”

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Posted: 7th, July 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 2 Premiere Photos: Emma Watson’s Golden Egg

THURSDAY night in drizzly London and time for the Premiere of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 2. This the last outing in the Potter roles for Rupert Grint (sure to be heralded as the New Dennis Waterman), Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe. For some reason JK Rowling came dressed as camellia bush. You have expected the feathered Watson to sit beneath her mistress’s skirts and crack out an egg. (There’s your prequel, JK. Call me – I have ideas…)

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Posted: 7th, July 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comment


Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 2 Premieres Photo: The Fans Queue In London

THE fans are queuing in London for the final instalment of Harry Potter, the character from children’s books that took adult literacy to new levels. The final film is called Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 2. In it… Well, you know what happens. If you like Potter, you will already have read the book. Although the film does have one twist – when Pippi Longstocking makes a surprise appearance…

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Emma Watson arriving for the world premiere of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 2.

Posted: 7th, July 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Jessica Alba’s Spy Kids 4D Smells Of Dad’s Fantasies And Used Tissues In Aromascope (Gifs)

JESSICA Alba stars in Spy Kids: All the Time in the World (aka Spy Kids 4). It follows Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (aka Spy Kids 3)  Without irony, the film will be first to use Aromascope, a technology that lets punters in the cinema smell odours and aromas from the film.

What odour do you think Spy Kids 4 smell of? Here’s a clue:

The film revolves around twins Rebecca and Cecil who cannot get along with their stepmother, Marissa Cortez Wilson (Jessica Alba), who married their father, Wilbur Wilson (Joel McHale), a spy-hunting reporter. Unknown to the twins, Marissa is a retired spy for the OSS (Organization of Super Spies, but in the Spy Kids Adventures novel series, the agency is called the Office of Strategic Services) which has since become the world’s top spy agency and former headquarters of the now-defunct Spy Kids division.

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Posted: 5th, July 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Hollywood Is Dead: Angry Birds Movie Is Considered

HOLLYWOOD is not in rude health. People can’t be bothered going to the cinema in quite the same numbers as they once did. Quite right too as cinemas are the most joyless places on Earth with their smell of disinfectant and outrageously priced snacks.

The worst element of the movies is the films shown themselves, often being turgid, generic fluff dribbled out to saps paying a tenner-a-pop, for which they’re supposed to be grateful.

And the latest nail in cinema’s coffin is the announcement that we could very well be treated to a feature length version of the irritatingly addictive Angry Birds game.

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Posted: 4th, July 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Talks Knickers And Teasing Lips (Photos)

TO help counter claims that she’s more than Megan Fox’s hot pants with an English accent, Transformers’ film star and model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley tells GQ magazine about her inspiration, the suffering and life story she draws upon to give depth to her lines:

“I got teased because of my lips.”

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Posted: 3rd, July 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Daily Express Does PR For Mohammed Al Fayed’s Princess Diana Murder Film

PRINCESS Diana is dead. Were she alive (rolls eyes up towards twitching curtains on the fabled Six Floor of the Harvey Nichol’s department story, London), she would be 50. Newsweek has heralded the event by turning Diana into a melange of sun-parched skin, Botox and Twitter twatishness.

An explosive new film which claims Princess Diana was murdered on the orders of the ­British Establishment has been banned in the UK, prompting allegations of a cover-up.
Unless the makers of Unlawful Killing cut 87 scenes from their hard-hitting documentary, it cannot legally be screened here.

It’s Keith AThe Express sticks with the conspiracy of her murder. The headline yells:

“PRINCESS DIANA DEATH FILM COVER-UP”

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Posted: 2nd, July 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comment


Dambusters Dog Nigger Renamed Digger: Stephen Fry Casts ‘Paki’ The Terrier In Lead Role

NIGGER, Guy Gibson’s black Labrador, has been renamed Digger for the new film version of the DamBusters raid of WW2.

Digger is, of course, a derogatory name for Australians who pick their noses and bums.

There has been much uproar, not helped by the intolerant Twitter King Stephen Fry saying there is “no question in America that you could ever have a dog called the N-word“.

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Posted: 10th, June 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comments (10)


Mega Python vs. Gatoroid: Tiffany Fights Debbie Gibson

WHO is bigger and badder in Mega Python vs. Gatoroid? Is it the huge snake? Is it the massive gator? Is it 1980s pop sensation Debbie Gibson? Or is it 1980s pop sensation Tiffany? Is Tiffany the snake and Gibson the gator? Or vice versa..?

 

Posted: 9th, June 2011 | In: Film | Comment