Anorak

Film | Anorak - Part 18

Film Category

Includes cinema reviews and trailers for upcoming films. A digest of the best and worst interviews on movies and cinema.

Watching Bella Give Birth On Twilight Gives You A Seizure: Boyfriends And Husbands

REASONS not to see Twilight: Breaking Dawn: its gives you seizures.

Brandon Gephart of Roseville, California, was watching the birthing scens when he came over funny:

Brandon Gephart and Kelly Bauman said they were watching “Breaking Dawn: Part One” at a theater Friday night when Brandon sudden began convulsing during a graphic birthing scene. Brandon said he doesn’t remember anything until he woke up on the theater floor, but Kelly said he was, “convulsing, snorting, trying to breathe.”

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Posted: 26th, November 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Antonio Banderas Pulls And Salma Hayek Feeds Germany At Puss In Boots Premiere Germany (Photos)

ANTONIO Banderas and Salma Hayek (aka Kitty Softpaws) pulled faces for the media as they arrived for the Germany premiere of the film Puss in Boots in Berlin. For reasons Anorak cannot be bothered to research, both shared the red carpet with a large golden egg. Anorak expects it to contain someone small, like Jimmy Krankie, Silvio Berlusconi or a small child, like that one from Sierra Leone Hayek breast-fed. That’s the thing with Hayek – her considerable boobs serve purposes…

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Spanish actor Antonio Banderas, left, and actress Salma Hayek from Mexico, right, carry an artificial giant egg as they arrive for the Germany premiere of the movie 'Puss in Boots' in Berlin, Germany, Tuesday, Nov. 22, 2011. (AP Photo/Michael Sohn)

Posted: 22nd, November 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part One London Premiere Photos: X Factor Dross And The Pope’s Flasher

OFF we went to spot stars at the Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part One UK Premiere at the massively ugly Westfield Stratford City, in massively ugly Stratford, London. Something has gone wrong with film premieres in the UK. Films were once about glamour and escapism. Now they are products you go to see in big shops. And Twilight London got the stars it deserved: Holly Willoughby, Lauren Pope and the X Factor dross on an outing with happy-slapping Tulisa. Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner are earning their millions the hard way…

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Lauren Pope arriving for the UK premiere of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1, at the Westfield Stratford City, Stratford, London.

Posted: 16th, November 2011 | In: Film | Comment


The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 Premiere Photos: Los Angeles Red Carpet – (Kristen Stewart And Taylor Lautner Shake A Leg

THE Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 Premiere Photos are brought to you by Kristen Stewart’s leg, Taylor Lautner’s teeth, Ashley Green’s cleavage and Robert Pattinson’s eyebrows of bemusement…

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Robert Pattinson arrives at the world premiere of "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1" on Monday, Nov. 14, 2011, in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Chris Pizzello)

Posted: 15th, November 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comment


Darth Vader Gets An Oscar: So Too Oprah Winfrey For Her Sarah Ferguson Comedies

JAMES James Earl Jones, aka the voice of Darth Vader, has been handed an honorary Oscar. Sir Ben Kinglsey gave him the award on the London stage set of Driving Miss Daisy.

Also awarded as part of the 3rd annual Governors Awards are Oprah Winfrey, who received the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award for her charity work, including the Oprah Winfrey Foundation, a Leadership Academy for Girls, and the Sarah Ferguson Benevolent Fund, and “the godfather of make-up” Dick Smith (The Exorcist).

Said Oprah:

“I never imagined myself receiving an Oscar, certainly not for doing what I believe is a part of my calling, a part of my being.”

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Posted: 13th, November 2011 | In: Film | Comment


You’ve Seen This Film Before: Film Poster Rip-Offs Gallery

YOU’VE seen this film before. The poster looks familiar:

Tiny People On the Beach, Giant Heads in the Clouds


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Posted: 11th, November 2011 | In: Film | Comment


The Adventures Of Tintin Censorship: Belgian Detective Upsets British And Lebanese Racism Police

MORE often than not these days the name Tintin is followed by “racist”. Sure enough, in Tintin in the Congo, written in 1930 by the Belgian George Remi, Africans are depicted as submissive and simple minded. They often come across as not half as clever as Tintin’s companion, the dog Snowy. To contemporary sensibilities the cartoon character’s derring-dos in Africa are expressions of deep bigotry and typecasting.

Now, with the release of Steven Spielberg’s 3D-animated film The Adventures of Tintin: The Secrets of the Unicorn, the cartoon racism debate has intensified again, with renewed calls for censorship and bans. British stores recently moved Tintin in the Congo from children’s shelves to adult graphic novel sections, and the publisher Egmont has wrapped the book in plastic and added a warning sign about its “offensive” content.

Over in Lebanon, there have been some strong reactions to Tintin, too. But here the cartoon has been deemed as unpalatable for very different reasons. In one cinema, Spielberg’s name was blocked out from film posters. Apparently, Lebanese movie-goers need to be shielded from knowing that a Jewish man has been involved in the film they’re about to see.

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Posted: 10th, November 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comment


Kill Keith: SAW Meet Richard & Judy

KILL Keith is Keith Chegwin’s new film. It’s described as “SAW Meets Richard & Judy”. We  can only hope:

The year is 2010 and hidden away in a damp dark and blood stain cellar is a stranger, a man, a figure in the dark, someone we’d rather not know. He sits through the small hours torturing himself watching Swap Shop on fast forward over and over again. Cheggers Plays Pop posters decorate the cellar walls. The stranger moves slowly around his memorabilia filled shrine; terrifying equipment of torture fill the cellar together with several slabs of dead meat hanging from meat hooks. In the corner a man is bound and gagged in a cage while being subjected to archive TV clips of Keith Chegwin. The stranger is on an evil crusade. What is this unhealthy obsession with Keith Chegwin? Is the stranger plotting to kill our much loved Keith? Innocent victims from around the country slowly start to disappear. The damp cellar accrues more bodies. The news headlines build of reports of a serial killer. Cheggers continues his daily TV show while the nation lives in fear of evil roaming the country. Body parts begin to surface hundreds of miles from where they disappeared. How safe is Keith? How long before the stranger fulfills his obsessive desires.

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Posted: 7th, November 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Tabloid: The Joyce McKinney Story Is Unmissable

TABLOID is the story of American beauty queen, Joyce McKinney. PopBitch describes it thus:

Daily Express reporter Peter Tory (who stars in the film) told his Editor, Derek Jameson, that McKinney had been charged with armed abduction of Mormon missionary Kirk Anderson, after chaining him to a bed in a Devon cottage for three days to have sex with him. And that she now wanted to sell her story for forty grand. Jameson’s thoughful response? “Fu*k me. Give it to her… And get her story.”

Posted: 3rd, November 2011 | In: Film | Comment


God’s Eye View: A Montage Of Film Scenes From Above

THE “God’s Eye View” puts the cinema audience in the Heavens. The world is shrunk; humanity reduced:

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Posted: 3rd, November 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Steve Buscemi Is Dead, Dead, Dead, Dead, Dead…

STEVE Buscemi is dead…dead…dead…dead…dead…

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Posted: 26th, October 2011 | In: Film | Comment


The Adventures of Tintin: Secret of the Unicorn Premiere In Photos

THE Adventures of Tintin: Secret of the Unicorn Premier in photos.

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Daniel Craig arrives at the premiere of new film Tintin at the Odeon West End in London.

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Posted: 23rd, October 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Hurray! Anchorman 2 Is Scrapped!

ANCHORMAN. It’s about as funny as watching an orphanage burn down. Disagree all you want because if you like Anchorman, you’re opinion on humour isn’t worth listening to. Hell, you shouldn’t even be trusted with the air you breathe.

Sorry.

And so, the good news. Star of Anchorman, Will Ferrell, has confirmed that plans for a sequel have been shelved. Ron Burgundy has told Sky News that Paramount Pictures don’t want to make a follow up.

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Posted: 14th, October 2011 | In: Film | Comments (2)


Javier Bardem To Try And Kill James Bond

HAVE you seen No Country For Old Men? If you have, you surely agree that Javier Bardem is one of the most sinister humans to ever grace a screen.

He’s so good at playing a dead-eyed killer, that it is more than easy to actually convince yourself he actually partakes in murderous activities away from the screen.

Brrrr.

Well, Javier is to take his menacingly blank gaze supernova as its been officially announced that he’ll be playing the villain in the as-yet-untitled 23rd James Bond film.

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Posted: 12th, October 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Harrison: Living in the Material World – Scorcese’s Focus On The Quiet Beatle Is A Joy

WAS George Harrison the best of The Beatles? Was he a better singer than Paul McCartney and better songwriter,than John Lennon? Could he play the drums better than Ringo Starr. Ok, the last one’s a given – but was Harrison the true star? Paul McCartney said The Beatles were “four corners of a square – without any of those corners, you collapse”. The square is a perfect shape, but it also confining and dull. As Harrison wrote in his diary one year before the Fab Four broke up:

“Got up went to Twickenham rehearsed until lunchtime — left The Beatles — went home, and in the evening did King of Fuh at Trident studio, had chips later.”

Rock and roll, people, for the biggest squares in pop.

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Posted: 2nd, October 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Can Tom Selleck’s Moustache Make Everything Better? Video Experiment

CAN every film be made better with Tom Selleck’s Moustache? Let’s see…


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Posted: 26th, September 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Hysteria Surrounds Maggie Gyllenhaal’s Shared Vibrators (Video)

ANORAK is used to actors getting into the role. So. Here’s Maggie Gyllenhaal talking about getting into the part (surely the part getting into her? – Ed) for Hysteria, a film tracing the invention of the vibrator:

“By the time I finished the movie I’d been sent maybe 15 vibrators by different people in London with vibrator stores. It was a pleasant surprise. So I have this incredible collection, and I actually use like one or two of them. I lend them to my friends, and they’ll take them for six months at a time.”

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Posted: 22nd, September 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comment


The Reviews For Allison Pearson’s I Don’t Know How She Does It Are Beyond Parody

ALLISON Pearson’s book I Don’t Know How She Does It has ben turned into a film starring Sarah Jessica Parker. If the reviews are a guide, the movie should be hilarious:

Sandra Parsons writes in the Daily Mail:

Now, I hate to sound unsisterly. But if I hear one more woman droning on about how hard life is for us today, I may have to set about her with my enormously bulky handbag — or possibly a copy of my predecessor Allison Pearson’s brilliant novel, I Don’t Know How She Does It, now made into a film with Sarah Jessica Parker.

When the novel was published ten years ago, a colleague who’d just had a baby bought me a copy, admiringly inscribed: ‘I really don’t know how you do it!’ (At the time, I had a full-time job, a five-year-old and a baby). My answer then was the same as it is now: by simply getting on with it.

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Posted: 16th, September 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Halle Berry Films Cloud Atlas In Glasgow: The Fatima Whitbread Story (Photos)

HALLE Berry is filming Cloud Atlas in Glasgow. The film also stars Tom Hanks. It’s about… Well, it seem to be a tribute to Fatima Whitbread, the former Briitish champion in the javelin.

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Posted: 16th, September 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Madonna’s Frozen WE Proves That Wallis Simpson Was Misunderstood – And So Was Hitler (Photos)

MADONNA is doing the round, plugging her first feature-length directorial effort W.E.. It’s the story of Wallis Simpson, the Nazi fan who married King Edward VIII and was very misunderstood. Who knew, for instance, that Wallis and her brown shirted chums could be, as The Times says, “screamingly, inadvertently funny in parts [that] had ‘em rolling in the aisles at Venice”?

The Guardian says the film is “primped and simpering folly, preening and fatally mishandled”. The Daily Mail – the paper that once declared “Hurrah For the Black Shirts” – says it’s pretty good. The film’s allure is not all helped by Madge, whose face seems frozen in horror, like that moment in Curb Your Enthusiasm when Larry David forgets his lines in The Producers and the theatre audience reacts with impression of Munch’s The Scream. Stuff Botox, just catch Madonna’s new film and experience a face freeze.

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Posted: 3rd, September 2011 | In: Film | Comment (1)


Emma Stone Serves The Canapes At The 37th American Film Festival: Photos

THE 37th American Film Festival in swanky Deauville, Normandy, France, celebrates American film…in France. This is how you invigorate a seaside report on grey day in September. Over the waves in Blighty, they’ve got ice-creams, ketchup in sachets and bits of sandblasted coloured glass. In France, they’ve got Bill Murray, Kate Bosworth, Dolores Chaplin, Emma Stone posing for a photocall for their film “The Help” and canapes…

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U.S actress Emma Stone poses for a photocall for her film "The Help" during the 37th American Film Festival in Deauville, Normandy, France, Saturday Sept. 3, 2011. (AP Photo /Michel Spingler)

Posted: 3rd, September 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Photos Of Brad Filming World War Z In Glasgow: The Americans Are Coming To Take Us Away

BRAD Pitt was spotted filming World War Z near George Square, Glasgow. Before we spotted Mr Angelina Jolie, we spotted the US-style police car on the street. Was this, we thought, the introduction of hardcore US policing that David Cameron had mooted for his Bullingdon Britain? Would we be shot in the face for jaywalking? Thankfully, not yet – the rains came and the big American zebra crossing washed away. And then we spotted Brad. And we knew that things were going to be OK – especially if he adopted us. C’mon Brad – pick a Scottish kid and take him to America. C’mon, Big Man, wadda yer say..? You can’t live of deep-fried crickets for ever. You need a Mars Bar…battered…

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Brad Pitt waves as he leaves the set of World War Z near George Square, Glasgow.

Posted: 17th, August 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Conan The Barbarian Premier Photos: Rose McGowan Surfs Jason Mamoa’s Eyebrows

TO the premiere of Conan The Barbarian, with Rose McGowan, Zoe Kravitz, Ron Perlman, Rachel Nichols and Jason Momoa all sat on Jason Mamoa’s eyebrows.

Anorak enjoys a man who finds time to tweezer his brow before battering demonic snakes and smacking a big horse in the face with a chain Mr T would find showy.

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Posted: 12th, August 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Get Your Big Pants Ready! Bridget Jones 3 Is Coming!

HEY! Curvy women! The actually-thin-but-puts-weight-on-because-someone-pays-her-to Renée Zellweger is coming back to play Bridget Jones in an attempt to pretend she’s one of you, thereby making your worthless lives that little bit more recognisable.

Of course, that seems needlessly aggressive. Suffice to say, we’ve all got worthless lives, including Renée Zellweger.

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Posted: 12th, August 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Justin Bieber To Star In Dirty Dancing Remake?

WOMEN! You like Dirty Dancing don’t you? Of course you do! It’s got love and dancing in it! It’s got Patrick Swayze’s muscles in when they were alive! It’s got Jennifer Grey in it before she completely transformed her face by making her nose vanish with plastic surgery! It’s got that song in it! AND THE LIFT! THE BIT WITH THE LIFT!

Oh, it’s so romantic and junk!

So which vapid, apple pie dross are going to star in the remake of the classic I’m On My Period And Want To Be Left Alone, Thanks film?

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Posted: 11th, August 2011 | In: Film | Comment (1)