Film Category

Includes cinema reviews and trailers for upcoming films. A digest of the best and worst interviews on movies and cinema.

Nazi Lars Von Trier Earns Rave Reviews In Austria, Germany, Paraguay, Eltham And Switzerland

LARS Von Trier’s film Melancholia will be a big hit in the beer cellars of Austria, and a wow with the key Unrepentant Old Racist demographic in Switzerland, Germany, Paraguay, parts of Eltham, south east London, and Brazil.

Von Trier, a Dane, was sat alongside film star Kirsten Dunst while praising Hitler at the Cannes Film Festival and “joking” about being a Nazi. What he said was:

“I really wanted to be a Jew, and then I found out that I was really a Nazi, because, you know, my family was German. Which also gave me some pleasure. What can I say? I understand Hitler, but I think he did some wrong things, yes, absolutely. But I can see him sitting in his bunker in the end. He’s not what you would call a good guy, but I understand much about him, and I sympathize with him a little bit. But come on, I’m not for the Second World War, and I’m not against Jews… I am very much for Jews. No, not too much, because Israel is a pain in the ass. How can I get out of this sentence? OK, I’m a Nazi.”

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Posted: 20th, May 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comments (2)

Iron Sky Is The Best Nazi Moon Film Of The Year

IRON Sky is the best sci-fi-Nazi-dark-side-of-the moon film you’ll see this year – maybe. It’s inspired by the fine men and women at the Daily Sport:

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Posted: 16th, May 2011 | In: Film | Comment

Tree Of Life: Brad Pitt Plays The Draconian Father You Can Write About

WE spotted Brad Pitt at the Cannes Film Festival 2011. The would-be Mr Angelina Jolie was signing autographs after a press conference for Tree of Life.

. Do you remember when Brad and Angelina were in the papers pretty much every day on account of their love for each other; his alleged love for Jennifer Aniston; her alleged love for [insert animate and inanimate object here]? Well, now you hardly ever see them let alone read about them unless it’s do with their work with children, charity or film? Anyone know why..?

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Posted: 16th, May 2011 | In: Film | Comment

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides Premier Photos: Johnny Depp’s Haddock Curtains

TO the UK premier of the latest Pirates of the Caribbean film: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. All the usual stuff – Johnny Depp’s hair curtains, Jessica Lowndes sex appeal, Penelope Cruz’s simmer, British celebs filling the free seats, like the ever present Lizzy Cundy, and the fans trying to catch a glimpse of the famous. But the star was undoubtedly a blonde called Laura Haddock. Did she get invited on the strength of her name. And if so, what odds on a walk-on part for Michael Fish in Pirate Of The Caribbean: Bracing Winds ..?


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Jessica Lowndes arriving for the UK film premiere of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, at the Vue Westfield, London.

Posted: 13th, May 2011 | In: Film | Comment

Quentin Tarantino And Lady GaGa To Team Up For A Movie?

SEEING as Quentin Tarantino allowed Lady GaGa to use the Kill Bill Pussywagon in the singer’s promotional video for Telephone, it isn’t surprising that the film director is looking at GaGa and thinking of putting her in one of his films.

And what better way to try and sweeten the deal than by getting Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt to butter up the Judas singer while on a jolly at the Cannes Film Festival? Unless they tried to adopt her, which could be kinda irritating.

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Posted: 12th, May 2011 | In: Film | Comment

L’Oreal National Movie Awards: Photos Of The PR-Driven ITV Advertorial

ARE the L’Oreal National Movie Awards the most dire and desperate awards in the business? The categories Must See Movie Of The Summer and One to Watch: Brits Going Global show that this is an awards do formed by the PR industry.

You can tell a lot about the calibre of an awards do by seeing if it is on ITV (if it is, it’s most likely crap) and the venue: it’s Wembley Arena, a place blessed with all the soulfulness of Simon Cowell sat on pile of gold licking his eyelids.

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Posted: 11th, May 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comment

Princess Diana’s Unlawful Killing Appeals To The Usual Suspects

THE Princess Diana conspiracy film is called Unlawful Killing. It’s created by Keith Allen, dad to Lily Allen, and funded by Mohamed Al Fayed, father to Dodi Fayed.

If the trailer is a fair reflection of the whole, the film is big on sideways eyes and making one plus one equals whatever you want it to. Allen says:

Unlawful Killing is not about a conspiracy before the crash, but a provable conspiracy after the crash.

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Posted: 9th, May 2011 | In: Film | Comment

Norwejian Ninja Is Our Film Of The Year

NORWEGIAN Ninja is here. At last! King Olav’s force for invisible warfare is behind you!!!

The biog boasts: “The true story of how Commander Arne Treholt and his Ninja Force saved Norway during the Cold War.”

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Posted: 5th, May 2011 | In: Film | Comment

Katy Perry Saves Russell Brand From A Soggy Arthur Remake: Photos

WILL Arthur launch Russell Brand into the US as an actor of note? The 1981 original turned Dudley Moore into a big star and win an Oscar for John Gielgud. Or will Brand do for Arthur what Jude Law did for Alfie: make the original look even better? Is the film any good and is Brand as likeable and cuddly as Moore?

The experts have watched it:

“Russell Brand gives a career-killing performance,” David Edelstein, New York magazine

“Make no mistake, people are going to hate Brand in this” – Pete Vonder Haar , Houston Chronicle

“He should follow his creative heart and stop going for the big Hollywood money. Let him do something that is more about taking risks” Eddie Murphy

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Posted: 20th, April 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comment

Hayden Panettiere Chillingly Tells Everyone About Her Dad Making Her Scream As A Child

HAYDEN Panettiere will be required to do a lot of screaming in the new Scream flick, unless of course, she gets bumped off early doors like Drew Barrymore did in the first of the franchise.

And weirdly, she’s decided to come clean about how she got so good at screaming in the first place – her father used to make her shriek, repeatedly, when she was small.

So how did he do this?

One can only assume that he mastered the art of springing out at her from behind doors and doing his best to strangle her to death or, indeed, spend balmy sunny afternoons tying her up and inserting art scalpels into the beds of her fingernails.

Right? That’s the logical thing to think, isn’t it?

Of course it isn’t you sick pervert. The truth of the matter is that Hayden’s father is an immensely paranoid man who was constantly in fear of something terrible happening to his future pension.

“I’m a fireman’s daughter and he always taught me, because I’m such a small girl, that you always have to look like you have somewhere to be and someone’s gonna miss you if you (don’t) get there.”

“He used to tell me all the time when I went to the mall with my friends, ‘What do you do if somebody comes up and grabs you?’ He taught me to scream, ‘You’re not my daddy, you’re not my daddy’.

This is perfectly normal isn’t it? Nothing wrong here.

“So I had a lot of practice screaming, ‘You’re not my daddy’. Now it just sounds wrong. But I’m pretty good at screaming.”

So there you have it. Parents are all clearly imbeciles.

Posted: 14th, April 2011 | In: Film | Comment

William And Kate: The Film Trailer

PRINCE William and Kate Middleton are now a film trailer. We are now a film trailer.

“Against all odds” the non-black, council-house dwelling minted public school gel met the non-Jewish, non-gay minted public school boy at college and fell in love…

Posted: 13th, April 2011 | In: Film | Comment

Sharktopus: Half Shark Half Octopus Escapes

SHARKOPUS! It’s half-shark and half octopus? No, it’s not the head of an octopus and the legs of a shark. It’s the other way around! It’s SHARKTOPUS!!

The film is must see:

A half-shark, half-octopus creature created for the military, creates a whole lot of terror in Mexico while a scientist who helped created it tries to capture/kill it.

What were the military doing with a creature that is half-shark and half octopus? Was it going to spy on the Squwards (half giant squid – half sword fish that patrol the coast off Fukushima?) And the Jew sharks have been arousing suspicion?

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Posted: 5th, April 2011 | In: Film | Comments (4)

Natalie Portman Danced Only 5% Of Black Swan: Annette Bening 11% In Love With Julianne Moore

HOW much of the dancing did Nathalie Portman do in Black Swan, a performance that earned her an Oscar?

Says Sarah Lane, 27, an American Ballet Theatre soloist whose body and feet were featured in the film, while her head was replaced by Portman’s:

“Of the full body shots, I would say 5 percent are Natalie. All the other shots are me.”

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Posted: 26th, March 2011 | In: Film | Comment

Was This Elizabeth Taylor’s Greatest Moment?

ELIZABETH Taylor: A reader sends in his favourite Liz Taylor moment. Why did she do it? Well, to find out, go and read this:

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Posted: 24th, March 2011 | In: Film | Comment (1)

Elizabeth Taylor: A Life In Rare Photos

RIP Elizabeth Taylor: This is your life, your loves and your fame in photos:


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File photo dated 8/2/1966 of Elizabeth Taylor and husband Richard Burton at a press conference in Oxford in connection with the university production of Dr Faustus. Taylor has died according to reports.

Posted: 23rd, March 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comment (1)

The Greatest Movie Gifs Ever

ANORAK presents the greatest movie gifs ever. Can a single moment of film capture the essence of the whole? Yes. (Give them time to load – they’re worth it.)


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Posted: 16th, March 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comment (1)

Helen Mirren And Helena Bonham Carter’s Road To Damascus: Photo

DAME Helen Mirren and Helena Bonham Carter arrived back from the Oscars in Los Angeles. For all the pneumatic glamour models and painted WAGs that Britain pumps out and up, the country still exports a different kind of sex appeal to the American mould. Mirren and Bonham Carter are quintessentially British stars – personable, relaxed and self-assured. The British film industry might be thinner than a dictator’s wife, but the talent is of a fine damascene quality…

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Posted: 1st, March 2011 | In: Film | Comments (3)

RIP Jane Russell: A Life In Photos, Playtex And Bullet Bras

RIP Jane Russell. You were the screen siren who seduced The Outlaw in 1943. It was banned for two years. You could watch newsreels of death and destruction in Europe and the Far East. But if you woman to see a voluptuous woman in a tight top, it was forbidden.

She said of her career in 1999:

“Why did I quit movies? Because I was getting too old! You couldn’t go on acting in those years if you were an actress over 30.”

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Posted: 1st, March 2011 | In: Film | Comment

The Razzies: Jessica Alba Excites Ashton Kutcher’s Wood

THE RAZZIES. These are the only awards that matter. The 2010 list of delights features the Last Airbender, a triumph for MNight Shyamalan, whose forthcoming box can be shaken free of excrement and used as a colostomy bag for the film buff.

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Posted: 28th, February 2011 | In: Film | Comment

No Irish, Scots, Angolan Or Indian Actors Win An Oscar: Racism, Probably

WANT to know why no Irish, Scots, Indian or Angolan won an Oscar?

Rush Limbaugh knows why:

“… You have a very powerful industry run by liberal Democrats, very rich liberal Democrats, and they have their top ten best movies, nominated best movies, and not a single person of color nominated for anything, not even best supporting stooge….”

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Posted: 28th, February 2011 | In: Film | Comment

Colin Firth Says K-K-K-Kerching: Oscars Winners In Photos

TO all the winners of a Golden Gopher, a BAFTA, a SAG, a Crystal Meth, a Bronze Turd any other film award shoe-horned around the Oscars: unlucky. They don’t matter. It’s all about the Oscars. The film industry is all about the money, and winning an Oscar means making more money. As Colin Firth might say in the kind of English accent Americans like: k-k-k-kerching!


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(left to right) Christian Bale, Natalie Portman, Melissa Leo and Colin Firth with their Best Actor awards at the 83rd Academy Awards at the Kodak Theatre, Los Angeles.

Posted: 28th, February 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comment

Oscars 2011 Photos Presented By Helena Bonham Carter’s Gutted Garters

THE Oscars, the world’s starriest AGM, featuring a glittering host of workers at the coal face of The Industry hoping they win and can thank God for choosing them to win a gold plated marital aide. After the red carpet, the show sags like Colonel Gaddafi’s cheeks.

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Posted: 28th, February 2011 | In: Film | Comment

Rango: Johnny Depp’s Karma Chameleon

TO the photocall for Rango, a film starring Johnny Depp as the voice of a pet chameleon that “aspires to be a swashbuckling hero finds himself in a Western town plagued by bandits and is forced to literally play the role in order to protect it”.

Rango, incidentally, is a Sudanese musical instrument that came to Egypt with Sudanese slaves in the 1820s.

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Posted: 23rd, February 2011 | In: Film | Comment

Bloody Fantastic: The Susan Boyle Story (Aka F*** Off)

BLOODY Fantastic: Susan Boyle is now a film. Writes Anorak reader Percy – SuBo was his!:

“I hear rumour that Elaine Paige maybe up for the lead role…

PS – the original title was going to be “F*ck Off” but was changed for fear of offending the fragile…”

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Posted: 22nd, February 2011 | In: Film | Comments (3)

Photos Of Justin Bieber In London: Nachos, Soda And Cheese

JUSTIN Bieber was pouring himself a soda and eating nachos at the premiere of Justin Bieber: Never Say Never at the Cineworld O2, by the O2 Arena. For those of you who foolishly spent the night watching Arsenal beat Barcelona (and that includes me – and I am ashamed as I watch the goals over and over and over and…), here are the photos of what you missed. Bieber fan should enjoy them all. Although not those in North Korea or a rape suite, obviously…


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Justin Bieber helps himself to Nachos and a Drink whilst arriving for the European Premiere of Justin Bieber : Never Say Never, at the Cineworld O2, The O2 Arena, SE10.

Posted: 16th, February 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comment