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Film | Anorak - Part 19

Film Category

Includes cinema reviews and trailers for upcoming films. A digest of the best and worst interviews on movies and cinema.

Marilyn Monroe Film Opens In New York, Reminding Us All That She Was Pretty Fit

PRETTY much everyone on Earth has lusted after Marilyn Monroe at some point. It’s actually become a law that you have to have sexual thoughts about her, even if you have absolutely no interest in the female form.

And now, we’ll get the chance to remember how attractive she was as a film about the late actress’s time in England in 1956 is to premiere at the New York Film Festival.

My Week With Marilyn tells the tale of a brief encounter between Monroe and a set assistant while she was filming The Prince and the Showgirl with Laurence Olivier. Monroe will be played by the also fancied Michelle Williams. Kenneth Branagh star as Olivier to keep our arousal in check.

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Posted: 8th, August 2011 | In: Film | Comment


RAED Is A Movie Star: Still Flowin’ – The Film Sensation Of The Year

RAED is not only Anorak’s favouite rapper – representing the future of hip-hip (must see) – he is also a film star, or movie star as his acolytes would have it. RAED is declared the Winner of World’s Got Talent 2011:

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Posted: 8th, August 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes Premiere Photos: Rupert Grint Loves Tom Felton

AT the Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes Premiere in Los Angeles, Rupert Grint arrived wearing a T-shirt on which had been daubed the legend “I LOVE TOM FELTON”. What can the Harry Potter stars be up to? Who knows? But also there was James Franco – who is shiny-eyed with love…

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Posted: 29th, July 2011 | In: Film | Comment


The Skin I Live In Photos: Grace Jones Gives Good Face

TO The Skin I Live In screening at Somerset House, London, which opens the Film 4 Summer Screenings. If Pedro Almodovar’s film looks as good as Grace Jones, it’ll be a hit. The plot is:

A brilliant plastic surgeon (Antonio Banderas), haunted by past tragedies, creates a type of synthetic skin that withstands any kind of damage. His guinea pig is (Elena Anaya) a mysterious and volatile woman who holds the key to his obsession.

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Posted: 27th, July 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Harry Potter Lost In World’s Biggest Maze: Can You Spot The Difference?

FROM the air over York Maze – the largest maize maze in Europe! – you can see two versions of Harry Potter fashioned from bushes. Farmer Tom Pearcy’s twin portraits are not identical. Can you spot the difference?

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Posted: 11th, July 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Jennifer Aniston In Trouble For Gay Slur: Because Homophobia Is Good Box Office Unlike Racism

UH-OH! Jennifer Aniston is in a bit of trouble at the moment. No, it’s nothing to do with those thousands of episodes of Friends where she nearly had the whole world’s eye out thanks to a lack of bra under her vest, but rather, she’s said a homophobic slur.

Naturally, she’s isn’t some raging gay-basher, but rather, it is something she’s said in character.

Aniston plays a seductive dentist (sigh) called Dr Julia Harris in the new film, Horrible Bosses. In it, she tells her dental assistant:

“You’re starting to sound like a little faggot there, Dale.”

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Posted: 8th, July 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comments (4)


The Iron Lady: Meryl Streep’s On Course For Margaret Thatcher’s Oscar

THE Irony Lady will tell the story of Margaret Thatcher’s rise to power in the manner of The King’s sepech. Maggie has speech issues. But she overcomes them with an iron fist and the mane of bullet hard hair – hair that, incidentally, that caused a young Marxist named Donald Trump to sit up and say to his comrades: “That’s the look for me. Whenever she drops a string of that thread – you go geddit!”

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Posted: 7th, July 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 2 Premiere Photos: Emma Watson’s Golden Egg

THURSDAY night in drizzly London and time for the Premiere of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 2. This the last outing in the Potter roles for Rupert Grint (sure to be heralded as the New Dennis Waterman), Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe. For some reason JK Rowling came dressed as camellia bush. You have expected the feathered Watson to sit beneath her mistress’s skirts and crack out an egg. (There’s your prequel, JK. Call me – I have ideas…)

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Posted: 7th, July 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comment


Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 2 Premieres Photo: The Fans Queue In London

THE fans are queuing in London for the final instalment of Harry Potter, the character from children’s books that took adult literacy to new levels. The final film is called Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 2. In it… Well, you know what happens. If you like Potter, you will already have read the book. Although the film does have one twist – when Pippi Longstocking makes a surprise appearance…

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Emma Watson arriving for the world premiere of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 2.

Posted: 7th, July 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Jessica Alba’s Spy Kids 4D Smells Of Dad’s Fantasies And Used Tissues In Aromascope (Gifs)

JESSICA Alba stars in Spy Kids: All the Time in the World (aka Spy Kids 4). It follows Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (aka Spy Kids 3)  Without irony, the film will be first to use Aromascope, a technology that lets punters in the cinema smell odours and aromas from the film.

What odour do you think Spy Kids 4 smell of? Here’s a clue:

The film revolves around twins Rebecca and Cecil who cannot get along with their stepmother, Marissa Cortez Wilson (Jessica Alba), who married their father, Wilbur Wilson (Joel McHale), a spy-hunting reporter. Unknown to the twins, Marissa is a retired spy for the OSS (Organization of Super Spies, but in the Spy Kids Adventures novel series, the agency is called the Office of Strategic Services) which has since become the world’s top spy agency and former headquarters of the now-defunct Spy Kids division.

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Posted: 5th, July 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Hollywood Is Dead: Angry Birds Movie Is Considered

HOLLYWOOD is not in rude health. People can’t be bothered going to the cinema in quite the same numbers as they once did. Quite right too as cinemas are the most joyless places on Earth with their smell of disinfectant and outrageously priced snacks.

The worst element of the movies is the films shown themselves, often being turgid, generic fluff dribbled out to saps paying a tenner-a-pop, for which they’re supposed to be grateful.

And the latest nail in cinema’s coffin is the announcement that we could very well be treated to a feature length version of the irritatingly addictive Angry Birds game.

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Posted: 4th, July 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Talks Knickers And Teasing Lips (Photos)

TO help counter claims that she’s more than Megan Fox’s hot pants with an English accent, Transformers’ film star and model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley tells GQ magazine about her inspiration, the suffering and life story she draws upon to give depth to her lines:

“I got teased because of my lips.”

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Posted: 3rd, July 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Daily Express Does PR For Mohammed Al Fayed’s Princess Diana Murder Film

PRINCESS Diana is dead. Were she alive (rolls eyes up towards twitching curtains on the fabled Six Floor of the Harvey Nichol’s department story, London), she would be 50. Newsweek has heralded the event by turning Diana into a melange of sun-parched skin, Botox and Twitter twatishness.

An explosive new film which claims Princess Diana was murdered on the orders of the ­British Establishment has been banned in the UK, prompting allegations of a cover-up.
Unless the makers of Unlawful Killing cut 87 scenes from their hard-hitting documentary, it cannot legally be screened here.

It’s Keith AThe Express sticks with the conspiracy of her murder. The headline yells:

“PRINCESS DIANA DEATH FILM COVER-UP”

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Posted: 2nd, July 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comment


Dambusters Dog Nigger Renamed Digger: Stephen Fry Casts ‘Paki’ The Terrier In Lead Role

NIGGER, Guy Gibson’s black Labrador, has been renamed Digger for the new film version of the DamBusters raid of WW2.

Digger is, of course, a derogatory name for Australians who pick their noses and bums.

There has been much uproar, not helped by the intolerant Twitter King Stephen Fry saying there is “no question in America that you could ever have a dog called the N-word“.

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Posted: 10th, June 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comments (10)


Mega Python vs. Gatoroid: Tiffany Fights Debbie Gibson

WHO is bigger and badder in Mega Python vs. Gatoroid? Is it the huge snake? Is it the massive gator? Is it 1980s pop sensation Debbie Gibson? Or is it 1980s pop sensation Tiffany? Is Tiffany the snake and Gibson the gator? Or vice versa..?

 

Posted: 9th, June 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) Banned In Britain: Tongues In Cheeks Horror Is Just Sadism

YOU will not be watching Tom Six’s Human Centipede II (Full Sequence), the sequel to the 2009 flick Human Centipede (First Sequence). The BBFC has banned the film for being “tasteless and disgusting”. Yep, notoriety sounds great in the marketing department.

Says Mr Six:

“Thank you BBFC for putting spoilers of my movie on your website and thank you for banning my film in this exceptional way. Apparently I made an horrific horror-film, but shouldn’t a good horror film be horrific? My dear people it is a fucking MOVIE. It is all fictional. Not real. It is all make-belief. It is art. Give people their own choice to watch it or not. If people can’t handle or don’t like my movies they just don’t watch them. If people like my movies they have to be able to see it any time, anywhere, also in the UK.”

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Posted: 7th, June 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Awesome People Hanging Out Together At Larry Crowne Premiere: Photos

IN today’s edition of Awesome People Hanging Out Together we focus on Cherie Blair’s meeting with Rolling Stones hobgoblin Ronnie Wood at the Westfield Shopping Centre. Wood was with his lover Ana Araujo. And it as all about the hair. Ana was in a machine washable Anna Wintour. Ronnie was sticking with the detonated bearskin. And  Cherie wore a look that said “I’ve arrived. Finally I get to meet a Stone and – maybe, just maybe – shag him to death.”

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Posted: 6th, June 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Kung Fu Panda 2 Premier Photos: Jack Black (Not Angelina Jolie) Is Fubar

ANGELINA Jolie. Dustin Hoffman. Jackie Chan. Gary Oldman. Seth Rogen. Lucy Liu. They all would have loved – just loved – to have been at the premiere of Kung Fu Panda 2 at the Vue cinema in London’s Westfield shopping mall. But what with the – in no particular order – kids, adoption, hair transplants, tattooing, TV watching, apathy, war in Libya, body odour issues and engineering works on the Central Line – they could not be there.

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Posted: 5th, June 2011 | In: Film | Comment


The Greatest Film Threats Of All Time: This Is Fantastic (Video)

PRESENTING the greatest film/movie threats of all time. This ia fantastic. It is also NSFW – so turn the volume up.

How many films can you spot. We got 21.

They missed this.

Posted: 2nd, June 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comment


I Was Harrison Ford’s Stunt Double: Vic Armstong Writes

VIC Armstrong is the Hollywood stuntman who has written about playing the stunt double for Harrison Ford’s Indiana Jones in three of the adventurer’s films:

The next day we shot the fight around the plane. Harrison and Roach squared up to each other and Harrison threw a punch. “That’s great. Moving on,” said Steven. Now as a stunt co-ordinator my job is to make sure that, on film, those punches look like they’ve connected. I was standing looking right over the lens of the camera and in my opinion it was a miss. Now I was stuck between a rock and a hard place because Steven had called it good, but I thought I’d better say something. “Excuse me sir, that was actually a miss.” He went, “Oh, you again.” I said, “Yeah, sorry, it was a miss.” Steven paused briefly. “Well, I thought it was a hit.” I said, “No, I was actually looking over the lens and it was a miss, I think.” Finally Steven said, “OK, we’ll do it again.” After that take was completed Steven, sarcastically almost, turned to me and said, “How was that?” I went, “That was good. That was a hit.” And we carried on and created a great fight routine. Three days later we were all watching dailies when the shot that I’d said was a miss came on screen. Steven had printed it. The old heart started to go, but sure enough it was a miss and Steven, who was right in front of me, turned round and said, “Good call Vic.” I couldn’t do much wrong after that, it was great.

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Posted: 1st, June 2011 | In: Film | Comment


JLS And the Gay Jews Of Eyes Wide Open: Photos

TO the screening of the new JLS film in 3D. It’s called Eyes Wide Open. Why is unclear. Maybe it’s a command from the producers to the children who will watch the thing: “Eyes Wide Open! No slouching, or nodding off. There will be questions later.”

Quesions like: Is this the end of JLS? Who put together a guest list that included bits of The Saturdays, One Direction, Harry Derbridge (The Only Way Is Essex), Billie Faiers and a load of others who aren’t too busy to watch a free film at the Soho Hotel in London?

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Posted: 26th, May 2011 | In: Film | Comment


James Bond Gets Carte Blanche: Throbbing Extracts Of Manhood

JAMES Bond has a new adventure. Thriller writer Jeffery Deaver was apporached by Ian Fleming Publications to write a James Bond novel. (In 2004, Deaver won the Crime Writers’ Association’s Ian Fleming Steel Dagger Award for his book Garden of Beasts.) He agreed. He created ‘Carte Blanche‘.

Says Deaver:

“In the world of espionage, giving an agent carte blanche on a mission comes with an enormous amount of trust and constantly tests both personal and professional judgement. Part of the nonstop suspense in the novel is the looming question of what is acceptable in matters of national and international security. Are there lines that even James Bond should not cross?”

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Posted: 25th, May 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comment


Jean-Claude Carrière See Proust Unread On Your Death Bed

IN Today’s edition of We Are Not Worthy, we hear from Jean-Claude Carrière, a script writer:

There are books on our shelves we haven’t read and doubtless never will, that each of us has probably put to one side in the belief that we will read them later on, perhaps even in another life. The terrible grief of the dying as they realise their last hour is upon them and they still haven’t read Proust.

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Posted: 24th, May 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Pirates Of The Caribbean Bilge Is Good News For Web Pirates

THE latest episode of the Pirates of the Caribbean series (Pirate Of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides) limps in to view on a wormy peg leg. David Cox looks at the “industry’s real pirates” ripping off the creators with authentic pirate stuff.

The industry’s captains are appalled by piracy that’s actually aimed at themselves – so much so that they now treat their own customers as potential thieves…

Fancy seeing Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides? It’s on at the Empire Leicester Square in London, where a couple of seats in the circle for you and your beloved will set you back £35.30. If you’re going to bring the kids and throw in popcorn and Coke, you’d better take out a mortgage first.

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Posted: 24th, May 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Todd Burpo’s Tale Of Colton’s Trip To Heaven Is Now A Major Motion Picture

COLTON Burpo went to Heaven and saw things of wonder. His dad Todd Burpo wrote a book about his son’s trip. Heaven is for Real is the book that proves Christianity is right. Burpo, a pastor of Imperial’s Crossroads Wesleyan Church, had proof. And now that book is to be made into a major motion picture. Richard Bartholomew explains:

Sony Pictures has acquired screen rights to the book Heaven Is For Real: A Little Boy’s Astounding Story of His Trip To Heaven And Back, written by Todd Burpo and Lynn Vincent.  Joe Roth will produce with T.D. Jakes.

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Posted: 20th, May 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comment (1)