Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Madonna Pays Homage To Susan Boyle’s Pussy In Dolce And Gabbana Ads: Pictures
HAVING seen Madonna without make up and her own personal Jesus without his pants (NSFW). Madonna cuts a flawless figure in her latest adverts for Dolce & Gabbana. In the ads you can watch her put on the makeup – with a Photoshop airbrush. She then poses with a broom and pets a pussy cat in a clear homage to Susan Boyle. Is it time for Madonna to reinvent herself once more or, thanks to technology, is there no longer a need when it’s just so easy to remain unchanged?
Posted: 23rd, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
The Casey Johnson Sex Tape, Not Starring Lindsay Lohan
CASEY Johnson is dead. And her comes her posthumous sex tape. No, it don’t star Tila Tequila, the one woman content factory. It stars Johnson’s ex, the Sado (Sons and daughters of…) Courtenay Semel (daddy Terry is chairman of Yahoo!), once billed in the NoTW as a “stunning brunette” (see picture) who partook of “covert gay experiments” with Lindsay Lohan.
Now Semel wants to let you know about a sex tape.
“It was either listen to our families and do what they say to get our lives back, or do it ourselves and sell this tape, work on our show. That was kind of our plan.”
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Posted: 22nd, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Housemates Pen The Big Brother Song: We Pray For Stephen Baldwin’s Wrath
CELEBRITY Big Brother: Stephen Baldwin says that ‘‘demonic activity can occur and do these things”. It might also be the big Brother crew. It was they who allowed Baldwin to carry his Bible into the house.
He gets to read. He also get to ask 50,000 people to pray for him. Pray for him to do what – endure? Shut up? Pull out his tonsils with his pair hands, pretend they’re his testicles and invite Vinnie Jones to chew them off?
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Posted: 22nd, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Demi Moore For Helena Rubenstein: Before And After Pictures
DEMI Moore advertises Helena Rubenstein’s scent, one spray of which tuned Demi Moore from hip-fit actress to a plastic-coated model with breasts you can rest your dry roasted nuts on, hair thicker than Sasha Grey’s pelt and armpits that a UNESCO area of special scientific interest.
And Demi Moore’s breasts are all her own work – really (NSFW):
After those NSFW pictures of Madonna’s own personal Jesus – pre and post – we now see another top female star impregnated by a Photoshop laser. Do we like our stars human – or to look like something we can mould to our own desires?
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Posted: 22nd, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
David Hasselhoff Stars In The Hoff Reality TV Show: A Lock In
GOOD news is that with David Hasselhoff no longer a judge on America’s Got Talent, Piers Morgan fans will get to see more of their idol. And the even better news is that Hasselhoff will be starring in a reality TV show about his life, as the Hoff invites a world to watch him wet himself and try to eat a hamburger while drunk and shirtless.
On cable TV channel A&E, you will be able to see 10 half-hour episodes of the “The Hoff.” Pass the Wet Ones:
The new series will focus on Hasselhoff’s business ventures and his role as a divorced father trying to guide his teenage daughters as they look to break into the recording industry.
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Posted: 22nd, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Mariah Carey Swings For Her Umbrella: Pictures
FRESH from her outing at the Golden Globes, where husband Nick Cannon acted as her umbrella wallah, Mariah Carey strapped on the Spanx and performed at The Angels Advocate Tour at the Hard Rock Live, Hollywood. No sign of Cannon. But lots of umbrellas-ellas-ellas. And what is with singers on swings? Russell Brand’s happily taken, thank you…
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Posted: 22nd, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lady GaGa Duets With Susan Boyle Or Is It James Blunt: In Pictures
LADY GAGA was spotted outside Radio City Music Hall in New York City for her sold out four-night Monster Ball show. Of course, it isn’t Lady GaGa it’s the new-look Susan Boyle, ready for her close up. Or is it James Blunt, ready for a comeback tour? Lady GaGa understands one thing: to be cool she has to be hard to pin down. She might not be Madonna’s cameral after all – a singer formed by committee – she may yet be David Bowie…
Posted: 22nd, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Britain’s Got Talent Returns: Manchester Auditions In Pictures
THE year works in cycles. January is Big Brother and the start of the search for the winner of Britain’s Got Talent 2010. People with a dream, a sickly relative or a condition have been queuing outside the Opera House in Manchester for the ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ auditions. The hunt is on for the novelty cannon-fodder that can happily fill tabloids with teary images of dreams dashed, hopes raised and any talent with decent bone structure and a terrific sob story moulded into a something plastic-coated and able to make money for Cowell Inc..
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Posted: 22nd, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
The National Enquirer Should Win A Pulitzer For Its John Edwards Baby Scoop, But Won’t
WHEN the National Enquirer reported that Presidential candidate John Edwards had spawned a child with a mistress, Rielle Hunter, it was poo-pooed. The mainstrem media ignored the scoop. It turned out to be right.
Anorak’s Man in LA looks at how the matter should win reporting’s top gong: a Pulitzer:
More No News On Not John Edwards’ Baby
THE National Enquirer plans to enter its coverage of the John Edwards paternity scandal for a Pulitzer Prize.
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Posted: 21st, January 2010 | In: National Enquirer | Comment
Big Brother: Stephen Baldwin’s Thought For The Day
CELEBRITY Big Brother’s manic preacher Stephen Baldwin delivers this thought for the day:
Dane Bowers: “The water’s still cold”
Stephen Baldwin: “The hot water?”
Baldwin is entertaining because he is on the other side of the little glass screen in your lounge. And he’s annoying the night club bouncer done good Vinnie Jones. If Baldwin were in your lounge, you’d walk out the front door and never look back. No, you would look back – to make sure wasn’t following you…
Posted: 21st, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
HRH Prince William’s Colonial Tour In Pictures: Day 3, Cricket In Melbourne
PRINCE William in the Colonies: Days 3, Melbourne. Today Prince William met Professor David de Kretser, Governor of Victoria, and made a speech to mark Australia Day, at Government House in Melbourne. He spoke slowly and stuck to the 18th century vernacular. William then took part in a casual game of cricket during a visit to Flowerdale, avoiding being eaten by the losing side of native pygmies:
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Posted: 21st, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Michael Jackson To Host Grammy Awards In 3D
MICHAEL Jackson is earning more money in death than you ever will in life. And now he’s going to host the Grammys, in 3D.
Pictures From Michael Jackson’s Funeral
Earlier, the Jackson Three, who must still think their dad is away on business, were given more money to muddle along:
“A judge has agreed a £10,000 boost to keep the youngsters in the style they are used to. Lawyers acting for the children appealed to increase the amount to £55,000 a month, say court papers. They had argued that the current sum paid to Jacko’s mum Katherine, 80, was not enough to make ends meet.”
Anorak’s Man in LA brings news of that Grammy show – look kids, dad’s back – and he’s being milked:
The Grammy Awards have stumbled onto a whole new way to exploit Michael Jackson’s memory, while at the same time hyping the January 31st CBS broadcast.
The big night will include the broadcast of Jackson’s 3-D mini-movie “Earth Song” which was produced for his “This is It” concert dates in London, but has never been seen by the public.
CBS is partnering with Target to provide free 3-D Grammy glasses.
Jesus Juice trebles all round.
Posted: 21st, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Celebrity Big Brother: Vinnie Jones Has Sisqo By The Short And Curlies
CELEBRITY Big Brother: finally the Daily Star gets and leads with a picture of Vinnie Jones giving the finger to its readers, a tattooed Alan Sugar dismissing everyone.
But wait! This isn’t an early goodbye to the show that has given the Star is front-page headlines and news agenda for ten years. This is Vinnie Jones using his finger to illustrate a point. News is that “the gloves are off” and Vinnie is “trying to bully his way to Big Brother victory”.
What Vinnie Jones, a man famous for grabbing Paul Gascoigne’s genitalia, biting a reporter’s nose and being banned from flying on Virgin Atlantic for air rage is a bully? What evidence?
Fans claim the ex-football star is playing a clever game as master puppeteer, turning the stars against one another while he stays immune from eviction.
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Posted: 21st, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (11)
Jedward And Vanilla Ice Perform At National TV Awards: Pictures
FOR those of unable to comprehend the limited scope of British telly, there was the National Television Awards last night, an AGM for mediocrity starring Jedward and Vanilla Ice. The stars are extras in the big telly production, unsure whether to be celebrities and do as expected or to remind the viewers and their peers that they are actors pretending to be the person who won the National vote. Yep, National – slap that word in to give the do a new layer of faux up-its-own-arse credibility. Had Katie Price won she’d have dithered between eating a gonad in her professional I’m A Celebrity life and, er, well, eating a gonad in her private life. But you get the idea…
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Posted: 21st, January 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Jane Goldman Gets Her Harold And Maude Car: Daily Mail Bashes Jonathan Ross
THE Daily Mail spots Jonathan Ross’s wife Jane Goldmans’ news car: a “rare Jaguar XK8 that looks like a hearse”.
Still, why let any research get in the way of a chance to bash Ross?
Ross was already out of favour with BBC Trust chiefs over the Sachsgate scandal in 2008, in which he broadcast lewd phone calls he and comic Russell Brand made to Fawlty Towers actor Andrew Sachs.
Posted: 21st, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Cheryl Cole’s Hugs And Jedward Present The National Television Awards Show In Pictures
AFTER Katie Price led the arrivals, Anorak stayed around to watch the National Television Awards winners take their gongs – a metal sperm coiled around a lamb’s sweetbread – spotting Anthony McPartlin and Declan Donnelly collect the best Entertainment Programme award, Coronation Street’s Craig Gazey winning Best Newcomer, Stephen Fry taking Star Travel Documentary, EastEnders’ Lacy Turner clothing the Serial Drama Performance and James Corden collecting a trinkets for Gavin and Stacey, Jedward singing with Vanilla Ice:
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Posted: 20th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Lindsay Lohan Hired For Vienna’s Opera Ball
TO Austria in smart boots to see Richard Lugner whisk Lindsay Lohan to Vienna’s Opera Ball. That’s Lugner, 77, with his 20-year-old girlfriend, 16-year-old daughter Jacqueline and her 25-year-old boyfriend. Yeah, we thought that too – he’s too young for her.
Lugner, however, is understand of both his daughter and Lohan, who he says “got on the wrong track at some stage… But she achieved many things too.”
That range of leggings, right?
“I’ll make sure only mineral water, no champagne, will be served in our box.”
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Posted: 20th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Katie Price Out Fronted By Debbie Rush At National Television Awards: In Pictures
AFTER Christine Hendricks saw the Golden Globes renamed in her honour – The Christine Hendricks Golden Globes – we looked across the red rope for signs of who would be our stand-out star at the Britain’s National Television Awards 2010. In they trotted: Katie Price, Amanda Donohoe, Dannii Minogue, Heather Mills, Kara Tointon, Barbara Windsor, Shobna Gulati Helen Flanagan, Loose Women, Cheryl Cole and Simon Cowell looking like an Easter Island statue. But nothing doing. So it’s Katie Price again – unless it’s Debbie Rush!: (Show pics)
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Posted: 20th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Octomum’s Flat Line-Free Stomach And Rubber Band Octo-Vagina
NADYA Suleman, aka Octomom, is on the cover of Star magazine showing us her flat tummy and that after so many children she can wear a bikini without tucking her nipples into the waistband and padding out the backside with seven boxes on Tena Lady.
Tara Reid’s Playboy Pictures Are More Than You Can Stomach (NSFW)
The mum-of-14 says it’s all down to exercise and good diet:
“I wanted to prove to myself that I can do it on my own, naturally. My friends call me Rubber Band because I always snapped back so quickly after my other kids!”
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Posted: 20th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Biffy Clyro Rock The House Of Commons: In Pictures
BIFFY Clyro rocked at the XFM Live session at Mass in Brixton, South London. Anorak brings you music out of the corporate Tupperware Box. Biffy Clyro then played a gig at the Palace of Westminster, a half-hour acoustic set introduced by House of Commons Speaker, John Bercow. Order. Testing…
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Posted: 20th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
This Week In OK!: Gary Barlow’s Wedding, Vinegar, Words And Pictues
IN this week’s OK! – we read it so you don’t have to: we journey “INSIDE The Take That Star’s A-list Party“. Yes, it’s Gary Barlow’s wedding to the lovely Dawn.
On the cover, we meet an unshaven Gary cradling his arms about Dawn’s waist in readiness for the “bingo, glitz and chips”.
Starry stuff for Gary who met Dawn when he was a 17-year-old with a dream and she a dancer with a leotard. But it wasn’t to be. Says Gary:
“We did two days of rehearsal and then a video shoot six days later and that was it. We said goodbye and I never saw her again after that.”
Never? So who did you think you were impregnating with three children? Who was it you married in a ceremony in Nevis? And who are you stood alongside as a party to mark ten years of love? As OK! says, this is a party “neither of them will forget in a hurry”. And Dawn must be grateful.
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Posted: 20th, January 2010 | In: OK! | Comments (6)
Amy Winehouse Pleads Guilty To Panto Assault: In Pictures
AMY Winehouse was at Milton Keynes Magistrates Court to plead guilty to charges of common assault and disorder in connection with an incident at a Christmas pantomime. Oh yes she did! Wino was alleged to have lashed out at the theatre manager after disrupting a performance of Cinderella at Milton Keynes Theatre in Buckinghamshire. The Celebrity Police Fore draw lots. A celebrity arrest in made. And two more Bobbies get their pictures on Anorak and on the walls of the staff canteen. Smiles: 100 Great Pop Music Photos Of The Decade: Part 1 – 100 Great Pop Music Photos Of The Decade: Part 2:
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Posted: 20th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Heidi Montag’s Massive Boobs Captured And Pictured
HEIDI Montag has undergone a series of body realignment procedures (arse to mouth) in a bid to be recognised as something other than a vapid, vaccuous celebrity ligger with all teh depth of an impotent gnats night-time emissions. 14 looks at it:
Heidi Montag’s Filthy Playboy Pictures
SELF-obsessed starlet thing, Heidi Montag recently underwent multiple cosmetic surgical procedures and debuted her new look on the cover of People magazine.
Before, she at least had a little character, but now she’s a dead-eyed, frozen-faced blurry vanilla beige amalgamation of every other bouncy blonde in Hollywood. I had a tough time drawing her because quite simply, I can’t see her. Despite the fact she’s had so much botox and restylane pumped into her 23 year-old face, the art directors at People decided they still needed to photoshop her to oblivion. What does Heidi look like now?
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Posted: 20th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Simon Fuller Creates Perez Hilton Boy Band Prop 8, Chapstick Homosexuals
WITH American Idol set to die the moment Simon Cowell hoists up his trousers to his chin and struts off to the X Factor, Simon Fuller plots what to do next? Perez Hilton wonders…
The answer: fill will create the male Spice Girls, a gangs of lads who can sing a bit, dance a bit and stroke each other arms and legs in interview while pretending to be Chapstick Homosexuals (TM).
And who will assist him in this drive toward excellence? Who has the necessary musical nous and wit to make it happen? Why, it’s celebrity blogger gone native, Perez Hilton.
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Posted: 20th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Prince William In Australia: Wills Pulls The Trigger And Girls Run
DAY 2 of Prince William’s tour of the Australian colony. Wills has been shooting an Australian military F89 Minimi machine gun at Holdworthy Army Base with soldiers of the 3rd Australian Regiment. Later, he joined Kristina Keneally, the Royal factotum for New South Wales. She looked on as Wills greeted fans while on a walkabout in the Royal Botanic Gardens in Sydney.Eyes down (especially hers in picture 3):
Posted: 20th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
