Key Posts Category
Kerry Katona Sex Tape: In Pictures
ARE you ready for a Kerry Katona sex tape? You’ve seen the tongue – now see it in action! The NoTW says Kerry’s estranged husband Mark Croft is “threatening” to sell a Katona sex tape.
He might sell it. But who buys it? Do you want to see a stitched-up (literally) mum-of-four shagging a middle-aged cabbie? Do you want to pay to see it or just wait until last orders at the kebab shop and head to the car park?
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Posted: 27th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Germany V England: A News Blitz For World Cup Roar
GERMANY V England at the World Cup and the paper talk is of total war. It’s VSA Day:
Sunday Mirror: We’ll Make ROO Sorry”
Germans trash out boys in vicious verbal blitz…
News of The World (front page): It is…
“ALL-OUT ROAR!”
Sunday Telegraph: “No Kaiser, we’re ready this time”
Daily Star (front page): We’ll stuff the Germans”
Sunday People (front page): “CURSE WE CAN”
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Be Afraid Tabloider: German Interior Minister Is Watching England
GERMANY are playing England in the World Cup finals and Germany’s interior minister Thomas de Maiziere says the jingoism in the tabloid press is appalling.
As they say in the tabloids:
“Ven der German interior minister starts looking at England, you’d best worry.”
Says he:
“I don’t know who needs it, we definitely don’t. This is a thing of the past, doesn’t help in the present and future and we should just ignore it.”
Just because you’re losing. Just because you’re losing…
In any case, it’s not like the Germans are playing the Dutch. That really is nasty.
That jingoism in full:
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Posted: 26th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment (1)
Hard Rock Calling: Stevie Wonder’s Keytar, Pearl Jam And Sarah Harding Does The Gents – In Pictures
THE Hard Rock Calling concert In Pictures – introduced by Sarah Harding walking into the Gents toilet. Harding’s big mistake. It was. Really. Walking into the gents is easy – if you have no sense of smell. Also there, Pearl Jam with a sweet red wine, Stevie Wonder on keytar, Jamiroquai as Standing Bull and James Morrison…
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World Cup Hope Blog: USA V Ghana In Pictures
USA V Ghana At the World Cup – In Pictures. Landon Donovan, the player who sounds like a Oklahoma law firm, cancelled out Kevin-Prince Boateng’s opener. Yeah, Kev’s the one who sounds like he should be playing darts. Ghana were dressed as Bradford FC, which might not have helped. Bill Clinton and Barack Obama were both there… As was Asamoah Gyan. Ghana: 2. USA: 1. Hope lives…
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England’s World Cup War: Superior German Dummerweise (Pictures)
GERMANY V England at the World Cup – one day to go until the game and the papers are putting the war and fighting in context:
The Daily Mail leads with a picture of Coleen Rooney and news that we’re “counting on” her man. Counting on him to do what?
World Cup: England V Germany And The Media’s Bloodlust
Well, the Star leads with a picture of Coleen’s footballer, Wayne Rooney, wearing a tin hat and with his fists raised. This is “WAR” with the Germans and the Star seems to be encouraging Rooney to punch one of the Hun in the face.
But let’s be having no violenc:
Supt Richard James, who is leading the World Cup policing operation, said: “If you cheer your team on and behave yourself then you won’t hear from us. Certainly, if you become abusive and hostile and commit crimes or anti-social behaviour, then we will take strong action against you.”
England V Germany In Pictures: A History Of World Cup Rivals
But this is war. The papers and all that jingoism:
Telegraph: “England v Germany: Through the eyes of our children”
As England prepares to meet Germany, Thomas Kielinger says it’s time to lay the old stereotypes to rest.
Herr-Herr! Sorry. Hear-Hear!
Another newspaper topped this from its Mount Olymps [sic] of indignation. “HERR DRYER! – German legend Beckenbauer in new rant against ‘stupid’ England”.
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Posted: 26th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (18)
Teenage Mum Explains Why Baby Smokes A Bong On Facebook
THE teenage mum who posted picures in Facebook of her baby smoking a marijuana bong explains why she dunnit. And, no Ardi Rizal is not involved. Anorak’s Man in La reports:
A teenage Florida mom who posted a Facebook pic of her baby appearing to do a bong hit is in some deep baby shit with child welfare investigators.
The 19-year-old mother is passing off the pic as a joke she was playing on a friend.
Speaking to Sky News by way of Facebook, the mom — whom we call “Mary Jane” — said it’s clear that the photo’s all in good fun.
“If u look at the picture u can see that there is no bowl in the TABACCO (sic) pipe. And i took a pic to show one F**king person and it was a mistake. I would never ever ever let him get high,” Mary Jane told Sky News.
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Posted: 26th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (4)
Michael Jackson Pictures: The Weird, Creepy And Odd Photos
BEFORE his death, Michael Jackson was the tabloids’ Wacko Jacko. Then he died. The papers eulogised him and realised what had gone. They also noticed that he had never been found guilty of any crime. No-one has proved that he molested a child. For now, the narrative has moved on and the story is that he was killed by evil forces. Wacko Jackson becomes Wacked Jack. Of course, Jackson did himself few favours with his Jesus Juice, child sleepover parties, pre-teen stunt doubles, veiled kids, Pixie voice and his face. And those pictures. Yikes! We now present gallery of his weirdest pictures:
Michael Jackson Pre-1980
Michael Jackson 1980-1990
Michael Jackson 1990 -1999
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PA PHOTOS/DPA - UK USE ONLY : US pop star Michael Jackson is holding his youngest son Prince Michael II with just one arm over the balustrade of the window of the president's suite on the fifth floor of Hotel Adlon, Berlin, 19 November 2002. This scene caused a lot of excitement. About 200 fans cheering outside were terrified, the incident was reported worldwide, and child welfare experts criticized Jackson harshly for dangling the baby from a balcony. The musician regrets this by writing that he made a 'terrible mistake' as he was overwhelmed emotionally by his supporters. Jackson and his three children are staying at the president's suite. On Thursday, 21 November, Jackson, 44, will receive the 'Bambi' entertainment award for his lifetime achievements.
Posted: 25th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Funniest And Weirdest Police Reports Ever
SOMETIMES the newspaper report is enough. Hey, sometimes the headline is enough. From the newspapers, Anorak presents the greatest, funniest and weirdest police reports ever. No need to report on these reports when they say it so well…
Posted: 25th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment
World Cup: Germany Less German Than England And Other War News
TWO days to go until the Germans call on England in the World Cup und ve are gearing ups furhrer die contest… Gawd. It’s contagious. But before we strafe the passersby with imaginary ack-ack fire and sing about ten German bombers with arms outstretched, the Sun announces on its front page:
“GERMANS WORST AT PENALTIES”
Inside and:
“Das boots is on the other foot”
News is that during practice England have a higher success rate in scoring penalties than the Germans:
England: 80.6% scored
Germans: 79.3% scored
The Sun says:
“It means fans should not be too nervous” should the match go to penalties.
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Posted: 25th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (2)
A World Without Health And Safety: In Pictures
DAVID Cameron pledges to be tough on the causes of Health and Safety. A nation cheers. Cameron blasts the UK’s “over-the-top” health and safety culture. We salute him. And we set about looking for pictures to show how they do it over there without fear of safety and with little care for health. We now bring you a vision of the future in our No Health and Safety gallery:
Posted: 25th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (2)
The Most Useless Female Products Ever
RETAILERS loves the sexes because they can package the same item two ways. Razor for him. A vibrating dildo razor for her. We kid you not. In this gallery of the worst female-only products of all time, we see the jean thongs, the biscuit that makes your breast grow faster than your bum, the urine cup and the smile trainer that teaches your glum mouth how to smile. Sits back in your female chair in your female Comfi-Slax and flick through the catalogue, femininely…
Via,via,via,via,via,via,via, via and.
Posted: 24th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment
Free Fabio Capello England World Cup Cards: FAB-io CRAP-ello
ENGLAND see off the might of Slovenia in the World Cup and finish second to the USA in their group. And Fabio Capello is more FAB-io than CRAP-ello. Today, the England coach is 72% English. Now for the Germans. The jingoism has begun and will be cranked up as Sunday’s game approaches. And do not panic! It’s not all been doom and gloom for England when they take on Germany.We’ve put together a pictorial history of encounters here.
For the next few days the media will be full of news about nothing. So. To save you the bother of wading through the speculation, opinion and counter-opinion, we’ve put together a handy menu of print-out-and-display cards that tell the world just what you think. We call it “FAB OR CRAP“…
Images: Michael Kritharis
CRAP-ello
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The Funniest Receipts Ever
DO enjoy this collection of receipts with humorous inserts and plain wrong details. The waitress is “slow but tries”. That fine wine you bought in the bottle shop is “cat’s wee” to the store’s owner. What do you do with “Batman Sperm”? The stuff you can buy at Wal-Mart is banned in many states and jurisdictions. Thank you for reading. Hurry on back, yer’al…
Posted: 24th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment
England V Germany In Pictures: A History Of World Cup Rivals
THE South Africa World Cup pits England against Germany…again. The jingoism will take in the World War I Christmas truce, when on 25 December 1914, British and German troops played a game of football in no-man’s land near Armentieres, France. (The Germans won 3-2.)
But you don’t need war to make the England v Germany game one to send a shiver down the spine. Yes, on May 14, 1938, in Berlin’s Olympic Stadium, England’s players gave the Nazi salute before a friendly game with Germany. (England won 6-3.)
But if you love the sport not the polemic, what about 1966, of course, with the late German equaliser to take it to 2-2 and extra time?
Or how about that brilliant Germany comeback in Mexico 1970, when Cup holders England were 2-0 up and lost 3-2?
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Posted: 24th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (5)
World Cup: Germany Face England And Her Media War Machine – News Round-Up
WORLD Cup round-up: England have beaten the mighty Slovenia and in so doing set up a showdown with Germany. The media starts to remember the war:
Will the narrative get as bellicose as it did during the coverage of the Euro96 semi-final between England and Germany at Wembley? The Mirror led with a picture of England’s Paul Gascoigne and Stuart Pearce in Second World War soldier’s helmets.
North Korea’s World Cup Fans Are Chinese: NSFW
Inside, we read:
“There is a strange smell in Berlin and it’s not just their funny sausages, it’s the smell of fear.”
The leader told us:
“I am writing to you from the Editor’s office at Canary Wharf, London. Last night the Daily Mirror’s ambassador in Berlin handed the German government a final note stating that, unless we heard from them by 11 o’clock, a state of soccer war would exist between us”.
How times have changed:
Daily Star (front page): “JOB DONE – NOW FOR THE HUN”
Sun (front page): “HERR WE GO AGAIN”
It will bring back glorious – and agonising – memories of previous battles.
From Wapping to The Vancouver Sun, the jingoism is catching:
Haul out that Fawlty Towers DVD boxed set. They’re already referring to it as Germ warfare from Piccadilly Square to the Strand, from Kensington Gardens to the Marble Arch. Set the traps. It’s England-Germany.
The Mail hears a “war of words”. But do you. This from Joachim Low, the German coach:
‘I watched England’s matches. In the first two they were struggling but that’s quite normal, teams only pick up speed as they go through the tournament.
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Posted: 24th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (16)
The World’s Weirdest And Stupidest Tattoos
TATTOOS mark you out as an individual. Unless you get those Chinese character ones. A bum one. A tramp stamp. Or those green tribal ones. A super hero. Something pornographic. Or the ones on your face. Or the Michael Jackson ones. Or ones spelt wrong. Everyone has those. You need a tattoo that says you are who you are. You need a tattoo that screams individuality. You needs a tattoo that makes you stand out. You need one of these – or not:
Posted: 23rd, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment (1)
In Pictures: USA Make A Film Of Beating Algeria At World Cup
TEAM USA are through to the last 16 of the World Cup, having broken Algerian hearts not with a cruise missile, rather with a shot from Everton’s Landon Donovan.
North Korea’s World Cup Fans Are Chinese: NSFW
After the goal, Donovan talks of his life being on a “journey“. (The Journeyman footballer, indeed.) It is sentimental and cloying. You know you should snort with derision and hate it. But you just keep watching. Your hear strains of melancholic music, the oral equivalent of an adorably scruffy dog licking a plucky boy’s dirty face.
It is quintessentially American.
And we wondered what would occur should the US win the World Cup? And if the closing credits last longer than the match…
Posted: 23rd, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (5)
World Cup: England Beat Slovenia In Photos
ENGLAND Versus Slovenia at the 2010 World Cup in Pictures. Round-up to follow…
Today England are 90% FAB-io and 10% CRAP-ello.
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Posted: 23rd, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (8)
Why The Narcissist Jon Venables ‘Looks’ At Child Porn
JON Venables is in jail. He faces a paedo porn charge. In the Guardian, Hadley Freeman muses on how he is trapped in time. Venabels is victim, too – a macabre tabloid Dorian Gray:
While it is entirely understandable why James Bulger’s parents, Ralph and Denise, should feel such hatred towards Venables, it is depressing to see the lack of human pity from those with no personal connection to the murder of James Bulger for this life that was so utterly ruined by the age of 10, and is as frozen in time as the 17-year-old photo still used to illustrate stories about him
Well, there is a lack of human pity in the tabloids for a man labelled a “monster”, “evil” and worst of all “fat”. But having made a salient point, Freeman then gets on to a spot of analysing the Venables mind:
That Venables’ childhood photo is used to illustrate stories about his alleged downloading of child porn only underlines why he might have some distinctly dubious feelings about children. What he only sees himself in a 17-year-old photo, never in, say, a mirror or a photo taken since? Venables is a narcissist with only one image of himself.
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Posted: 23rd, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (3)
England V Slovenia World Cup Photos And News Round-Up: FAB-io Or CRAP-ello?
ENGLAND V Slovenia in the 2010 World Cup is huge. The nation is talking. Here are the pick of the news and views: featuring a druid; a curse; Steven Gerrard’s fear; FAB-io or CRAP-ello; Beckenbauer backs England; Wimbledon bans England; the WAG bag; and travel agents are traitors…
Sun (front page): “RECOVERY MASTERPLAN REVEALED”
The Sun offers perspective on a Budget
* Taxing time ahead for all
* Country must pull together
* Heskey could be on bench
This is Cornwall: “Curse of African witch doctor lifted from England squad by Cornish druid”
Ed Prynn, the Archdruid of Cornwall, says he has lifted the magical burden that was placed on the team in Cape Town — by an African witch doctor.
Says he:
“They will feel like a big black cloud has passed over and it will be a new beginning. People will probably think I’ve lost my marbles but when the bird landed on the goal during the Algeria game on Friday, it was like a red light telling me the team were in trouble. They were doomed…
“I will know if my spell has worked straight away on Wednesday and England will win – even if it’s a penalty shoot- out.”
Wirral News: “Calls to Merseyside police during England’s first World Cup game drop significantly compared to four years ago”
Too depressed to fight:
Merseyside Police recorded a 37.5% reduction in both emergency and non-emergency calls on Saturday June 12, when placed against the number received during England’s first match at the last World Cup…
No football-related arrests were made on the day of England’s match with the USA.
Telegraph: “England v Slovenia: fear of World Cup failure will spurs us on, says Steven Gerrard”
Says Steven Gerrard:
“The fear of not winning drives you on. The last thing you want is to go home in the group stages. We’ve come here to stay in this tournament to the end. It would be an absolute disaster for this group of players to go home after the group stages.
“We want more. We want a performance. The key is to try and live without fear. There is pressure and fear. You’re playing for England and you have massive support. It doesn’t help to go on to the pitch and play with that fear.
“You have to go on to the pitch and try and relax, be patient. The performance will come.”
Over in Wimbledon:
Wimbledon was refusing to relent on its World Cup ban on Wednesday despite fears fans could snub the event with England’s footballers in action.
Bolton News: “Travel firms hope England don’t make it”
The Co-operative Travel says that England’s last World Cup exit to Portugal on penalties led to a surge in holiday bookings.
Wayne, Fabio et al,
First off, you can count on us.
We will be out in more force and with more passion than any other set of fans will manage throughout the rest of this World Cup, let alone has managed in the tournament so far.
We will be roaring you on and, in the closed and tight atmosphere of the stadium, will be the first set of fans to properly vanquish the vuvuzelas with our voices. The stadium, which will of course be a sea of white and red, will be shaking.
Some of the fans last time booed and, while we didn’t personally join in, we can see why. But to use a rather cheesy line, it really is only because we care. A lot.
In any case though, that is all behind us. When we arrive at the stadium, we will be positive, in good spirit and 100 per cent behind you. And noisy. Very, very noisy.
If we showed our frustration last Friday, it was also because we know how much better than that performance you are. We know you have the talent and the passion to make us proud and we still believe you will. While the game frustrated us, it has not diminished our belief in that ability.
This game is where the world cup starts proper and, as we were described by the team in Euro96, we fully intend to be a twelfth player. You can count on us.
See you out there.
Reason to be cheerful if England lose:
*. “Our boys” can’t possibly look as ridiculous as the French.
Tesco’s Wag Bag, is a bag-for-life designed by Alex Curran and decorated with lipstick kisses and words of encouragement from the wives and girlfriends of the England squad. It’s a limited edition, although by teatime today they could discover they manufactured rather too many of them. The message from Emile Heskey’s fiancee Chantelle Tagoe – “Best of luck fella’s! We’ve got it in the bag (smiley face)” – is typical of those featured on this curiosity of tomorrow. Will future generations wonder why we chose to print something so transient, meaningless and poorly punctuated on a bag that is, after all, meant to last a lifetime? I’m glad I won’t be around to explain it.
Beckenbauer (above), who branded England’s style of play at the World Cup as “kick and rush”, said: “Most of the bigger nations who are struggling will go through to the last 16 and improve as the tournament progresses.
“One of the teams I’ve criticised might go on to be champions. Spain, England and Germany are having difficulties.”
Can’t fail!
The Star says all the omens suggest England will win today: “We’re wearing red, we’re on the BBC, we always beat ’em and we’re not France!”
Ready – it ‘s FAB-io or CRAP-ello:
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The Worst Wedding Photos Ever
THE Worst Wedding Photographs Ever are not yours. The worst wedding photos ever feature a vomit of drunk grooms (that is the correct group term?), a resignation of brides and a disgust of passing people who should not be out. Let’s toast the happy couple. It’s kinder…
(Feel free to sumbit your own here)
Posted: 23rd, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (3)
The World’s Worst Product Names, Presented By Only Puke Chips
WE now continue your look at nominative determinism in consumer goods with some more Sexy Foods and products. You will learn that Terror comes in a variety of flavours, an OAP tasts better in sauce, older boys love Oily Boy, Puke is served in bags and a Double Cock is a Keeper.
Logos – World’s Worst
Latte Faces
Posted: 21st, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (3)
The Greatest Self-Timer Photograph Ever
EAT your heart out Adrianne Curry, Tila Tequila, Kim Kardashian, Coco and all other Twitter self-pic promoters. Presenting the greatest self-timer picture ever. You point the camera. You click the self-timer. You get into position. And the technology does the rest… Picture 2 is the money shot:
Twitter Pics – The Sexy Celeb Ones
Tila Tequila (NSFW)
Page 3 Girls Retrospective
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Posted: 21st, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Technology | Comment (1)
Tattoos – Vintage Ones From History
TATTOOS were not invented by modern celebrities dying their skin orange and then decorating it with words and pictures. Tattoos were not invented by Michael Jackson fans, nor felons with faces that spell trouble. Tattoos don’t have to be slutty, nor pornogrpahic. Tattoos stupid, or stoopider. They don’t have to be spelt wrong. Tattoos can be retro and show us how we used to live. In this gallery of vintage tattoos, you can see how they used to do it…
Posted: 21st, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment
