Royal Family Category
The Royal Family, the House of Windsor, in the news and on a horse
The Queen in photos: 60 years of laughing
THE Queen is making 60 years since her accession to the throne. For most of that 60 years her public face has been steady, a living statue who when you press her palm says something polite and meaningless. If it’s her birthday, a bouquet of flowers appears in her hands and a symphony strikes up. At all times she remains a millinery marvel, a woman in a lid. If she lives long enough the hat will come with solar panels and a windmill in an effort to reduce the Queen’s carbon footprint.
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Posted: 5th, February 2012 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment
Revealed: What The Queen keeps in her handbag (mints, hook and blanket)
WANT to know what the Queen keeps in her handbag? Sally Bedell Smith, author of Elizabeth the Queen: The Woman Behind The Throne, says he knows. She tells The Lady readers that the bag is not a prop. It contains:
Reading glasses
Mint lozenges
Fountain pen
A “precisely folded” £5 or £10 note on Sundays (for Church collection plate)
A hook
Yes, a hook. A source confides:
“I watched the Queen open her handbag and remove a white suction cup and discreetly spit into it.The Queen then attached the cup to the underside of the table. The cup had a hook on it, and she attached her handbag to it.”
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Posted: 4th, February 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Pippa Middleton and George Percy prepare for the War Of The Middletons
PIPPA Middleton continues her drive to create a Alternative Royal Family – something more modern that ranks a good arse and jogging over blue bloods, chinlessness and horses – by dating a George Percy, heir to the Duke of Northumberland. Percy’s version of Windsor castle is Alnwick Castle, the setting for Harry Potter’s Hogwart’s. The Sun say that one day George will get the castle and £315million.
And then there will be war – North Versus South. On one side Kate Middleton’s mob with flowing locks and Jigsaw body armour; to the other Kate Middleton stood behind her serried lines of fans spotting The Middleton bottoms bought from Harley Street’s finest bottom men.
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Posted: 4th, February 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Kate Middleton is America’s Hat Person of The Year – Princess Beatrice shocked
KATE Middleton has seen off the challenge of Osama bin Laden, Elton John (it’s a hat, right?), Prince Harry Baseball Cap, The Queen, Camilla Duchess of Cornwall, Princess Beatrice, Lady… Blimey! Aside from Mr David Furnish, magicians, members of the Armed Forces and teapots, only the Royal Family wear hats.
The American The Headwear Association (founded 1908) says Kate Middelton is the Hat Person of the Year.
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Posted: 28th, January 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comment
First Daily Express Princess Diana front-page of 2012 – no new evidence shocker!
IN 2011, Princess Diana scored four Daily Express front pages. Diana fans had to wait until today for the Express to kick off Diana 2012. The front-page headline thunders:
“DIANA POLCIE QUIZED IN PARIS”
Oh, go on, then:
TWO leading former British policemen have been questioned over allegations they withheld vital evidence about Princess Diana’s fatal car crash. Lord Condon, former Met Police Commissioner, and Sir David Veness, ex-Scotland Yard anti- terror chief, gave statements to a French judge probing the claims. The two volunteered to go to France last Friday to explain why they failed to disclose the existence of a note in which Diana predicted her assassination.
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Posted: 26th, January 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comment (1)
60 years of the Queen in cartoons: Diamond Jubilee satire
THE Cartoon Museum on London’s Little Russell Street is hosting a celebration of Queen Elizabeth 2 in ink and satire. Her Maj: 60 years of Unofficial Portraits of the Queen runs from February 1 to April 8. The event provides a snapshot of how the Queen and her role have been perceived. Forties reverence gave way to 60s satire gave way to 21st Century sniping…
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Posted: 21st, January 2012 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment
Will Kate Midelton get Pippa Middleton’s bum on the NHS?
LAST week, the Daily Mail picture editor Paul Silva told the Leveson Inqurty that he receives between 300 and 400 pictures of Pippa Middleton every week.
Pippa’s and her bum have been huge talking points ever since both attended the Royal wedding. Silva doesn’t say how many photos of Kate Middleton appear on his desk every seven days but we’d wager its fewer than Pippa’s haul. As such, we urge Kate to see a cosmetic surgeon and get Pippa’s bottom. We’d all appreciate it, and it would add a rich variety to Mr Silva’s workload…
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Posted: 13th, January 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comments (3)
Sarah Ferguson faces 22 years in Turkish jail – Midnight Espresso?
SARAH Ferguson, the still styled Duchess of York, could go done for 22 years choky. The sticky fingers of adolescent guffaws are never far removed from Fergie, the toe-sucker who became Prince Andrew’s pimp and occupies a special place in the tabloids Order Of Hate, between Heather Mills (number 99 on the chart) and Rosemary West (a credible 22 – if only she were blonde). News is that the Turkish authorities have frowned upon Duchess and Daughters: Their Secret Mission, a documentary Sarah Ferguson made with ITV in 2008, in which the former member of the royal family “secretly” filmed in a Turkish orphanage.
Fergie used what she learnt when she and Princess Diana gatecrashed Prince Andrew’s stag party dressed as policewomen, and went in disguise to a State-run orphnage on the pretence of being a wealthy donor. (Andrew… Chequebook!).
A Turkish court pressed has pressed charges against her. The court in Ankara accused Ferguson of “going against the law in acquiring footage and violating privacy” of five children“.
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Posted: 13th, January 2012 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment
What gifts Kate Middelton and Prince William got in 2011: Prince Harry got laid
WHAT gifts did Prince WIlliam and Kate Middleton – the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge – score for their post-wedding tour?
We know that the Duke of York and the Earl of Wessex (Eddie and Sophie) accepted expensive gifts from members of the Bahraini royal family and other dignitaries in the repressive Gulf state, including two “suites of jewels”, a “silver and pearl cup”, a pen, a watch and a silk rug. In 2010, Prince Andfew had mad the same trip and scooped a watch, a pen, a Dilmun seal — a Bronze-Age artefact — a knife and a model of a Rolls Royce car (posisibly twice as large as a real one).
Other gifts accepted in 2010-11 are:
Prince Andrew – a puppet by the Vietnam Business Forum, an iPad from Sir Jonathan Ive, a bag of rice from a Pakistani dignitary, a laser-engraved egg in China.
The Queen – a block of amethyst from the president of Namibia, and two aprons and four stuffed koalas in Australia.
Prince Philip – “a tea towel and mug illustrated with images of Queen Victoria”
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Posted: 10th, January 2012 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment
Kate Middleton is allergic to horses at 30
KATE Middleton is 30 years young today. In the Daily Telegraph’s 30 facts about the Duchess of Cambridge, we land that: “23: Kate is allergic to horses.”
Amazingly, this was not a deal breaker when it came to marrying a Windsor and jogging along nicely with your mother in law…
Posted: 9th, January 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Prince Philip gets a Stenting at Papworth (Photos)
THE Duke of Edinburgh has left Papworth Hospital, near Cambridge, after undergoing heart surgery to have a stent fitted. Prince Philip has undergone a “minimally invasive procedure of coronary stenting“. So says Buckingham Palace. Is stenting a word? And if it is, is it like the stumping, as in the phrase issued by an drunk to a seated woman on the Central Line last week, “You want a proper stumping”?
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Posted: 28th, December 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comments (2)
Prince Philip: other women get ready to sing
GEORGE Michael will “NEVER SING AGAIN,” says the Daily Star’s front-page headline. But Prince Philip and his backing girls might.
It’s Celebrity Death Watch, the tabloid show starring George Michael – singer, formerly of double act Wham! – is taking on Prince Philip – one half of Britain’s most showbiz duo.
Before Christmas the papersd led with the two men, both ill. Now the front pages tell us:
“Queen’s Brave Face For Philip” – Daily Express leads with a photos of Queen Elizabeth a smiling at a Christmas Church service.
“Alone for First Time in 55 Years” – Daily Mirror leads with glum looking Queen at foresaid service.
“Philip: Just Let Me Go Home!” – Daily Mail
Her reign has always been a team effort. All her strength is built on Philip’s enduring love
The Mail is in the Haze Zone, the part leading to an obituary, in which the Prince, who is patron of the British Heart Foundation, is spoken about in Mills & Boon language.
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Posted: 26th, December 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment
Queen rents Kensington Palace to Russian Olympic team
HER Majesty The Queen is cashing in on the London 2012 Olympics by renting a field adjoining Kensington Palace to Russian visitors. The Palace is home to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, and the fragrant Prince and Princess Michael of Kent, whose rent must be up for reappraisal.
Occupy Kensington Palace will boost the Queen’s Sovereign Grant. That’s the plan that gives Liz 15 per cent of all Crown Estate profits. With that she must pay for her palaces, travel, bowling alley, indoor golf course, ribbon cutting, paint sniffing excursions and to feed the willowy blonde she visits on the fabled Sixth Floor of the Harvey Nichols department store in London.
And so it is that to augment this income, Sergei Kolushev and his Eventica outfit have leased – get this – Perks Field for 28 days from July 27 next summer.
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Posted: 22nd, December 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment
Charlene shakes Prince Albert at Monaco Christmas swim (Photos)
WHEN Prince Albert of Monaco married his rushing blushing bride (surely rushing? – ed), Charlene Wittstock, the world swooned. Charlene was the bride who got bad case of the jitters and was headed off at the airport. She then honeymooned alone. Yesterday, Prince Albert II of Monaco went swimming in the Mediterranean sea. We did not see his wife, the former South African Olympic swimmer. Italian fishermen are advised to keep a look out for the blonde who can hold her breath for hours, so they say…
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Posted: 19th, December 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Prince Harry targeted in Battersea mugging drama
PRINCE Harry has not been mugged. He has, though, been involved in what the Mail calls a “mugging drama”.
The Mail says Prince Harry was on the phone to Thomas van Straubenzee when the man with a name like a prescription upper had his BlackBerry stolen.
The Mail says “police records” confirm the story.
Phew! At least the trusty Mail isn’t hacking Royal phones like the News of The World did. It’s just relying on a police insider to pick up the phone and them everything.
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Posted: 18th, December 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Duchess Camilla meets centaurs at London International Horse Show at Olympia
TO the London International Horse Show at Olympia, where the fabulous Duchess of Cornwall was meeting centaurs. These half man half horse creatures were presented as knights taking part in a finale performance played by Arts Educational Students.
But we know.
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Posted: 16th, December 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Oh Just Look At That Kate Middleton ‘In Crisis’
BEING a humble fool that rarely looks up from his desk (dining room table) I have to marvel at the work of Lucy Vine over there at Look magazine. This girl sits on the hardest working pair of bum cheeks in all of Fleet Street.
For example, take her Kate Middleton “SECRET CRISIS” story this week. Who am I to laugh and titter or revel in the night when there exists around me such a magnificent masterpiece of Rimmel journalism. No, I am just not worthy.
This week our intrepid Lucy du Look took her imagination over to Buck House for a secret pow-wow with Prince William (she calls him a “source“).
Here’s a few extracts from their ‘conversation’.
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Posted: 11th, December 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Queen Wears Own Fur Coat To Turn Down Heating At Buckingham Palace
GAWD bless Queen Elizabeth II. Her annual pay for 2010-2011 has been slashed to £32.1m. And that will be frozen until 2015. In 1991-02 she received £77.3m.
ABC News duly picks up the phone an expert. And it finds only Ingrid Seward, editor-in-chief of Royal Magazine. She is quoted:
“You don’t really realize, but the queen is going around Buckingham Palace, turning off the lights, having fewer staff, even turning the heating down. She sometimes even writes letters in her very own fur coat.”
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Posted: 6th, December 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment (1)
The Queen Meets Hayrunnisa’s Turkey Shoot Boots (Photos)
WHEN the President of Turkey Abdullah Gul met the Queen, she brought along his wife, the fragrant Hayrunnisa. And she, having read all about Prince Harry, Sarah Ferguson and assorted ginger goings on, she dyed her hair a flame-red and pulled on her shagging shoes… To ye olde stipper’s pole!
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Posted: 23rd, November 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Prince William And Kate Middleton’s Wedding Photos Leaked: Pictures
ALISON Jackson’s Kate & Wills Up the Aisle: A Right Royal Fairy Tale tells the unseen truth behind the Royal Wedding of Prince William, Kate Middleton and Pippa Middleton’s bum. Anorak politely requests that Jackson sets about leaking the honeymoon video…
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Posted: 17th, November 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment (1)
Pippa Middleton Is Single: Cue Photos And Much Talk Of Her Bum
PIPPA Middleton is single. She is Pippa Singleton. And that is all…
Posted: 11th, November 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Charles And Camilla Recapture The Magic In Tanzania
PRINCE Charles and Camilla are in Tanzania, where they have been sniffing nutmeg and dancing…
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Posted: 9th, November 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Prince Charles And Camilla Make Their Own Shiny Beads: Tanzania Tour Photos
THE Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall, are on your in Tanzania, Africa. As ever, the Prince gives good photo. At once stage they made jewellery from recycled things.
“I’m not designed for this,” said Charles. “Look at my piece of art here,” said Camilla. And we looked. And we thought it somewhat ironic that the former colonial rulers were now the ones taking home beads and grinning broadly…
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Posted: 7th, November 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment (1)
Prince Charles And Camilla South African Tour 2011 In Photos
PRINCE Charles and the Duchess of Cornwall are on a five-day tour in South Africa. You see, some Greek and Germans do still have money. We’ve been taking photos…
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Posted: 3rd, November 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Daily Mail Rips Apart Kate Middleton Over A Scar On Her Head
WHEN Kate Middleton, aka the Duchess of Cambridge, hosted a private dinner at Clarence House, London, in aid of the charity In Kind Direct – one of The Prince of Wales’s charities – the Daily Mail told readers she was wearing false hair.
The paper told readers she she was sporting “weft” hair extensions, before launching into a thorough debate on how one side of her head is covered in thicker hair than the other.
An expert told us:
“It looks like the hair extensions have been put in too close to the hairline, where the hair is finer and there is less coverage, therefore the strip is easier to see.”
Glamour magazine concurred, saying “you can see a strip right at her temple there that does look suspiciously like the ‘tape’ at the top of hair extensions“.
The Mail then used those badly deployed hair extensions to make fun of Prince William’s thinning locks.
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Posted: 28th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comments (6)
