Weird, offbeat and bizarre news from around the world. Funny, strange & odd news stories that make you wince, laugh and fear for humanity.
SO. You saw someone with a face tattoo and thought they looked great. Hey, if Ryan Gosling, the swooniest Hollywood star has one, why not you?
Gosling got his face decorated with a dagger dripping blood. He felt it would help him get into character for a film part. He then reviewed his decision:
“I felt a lot of shame for having gone too far and for making a decision that was careless… I was so ashamed that that shame lived with me on set, as I had to wear that stuff around.”
Still want one? We’ve combed the web for examples of face tattoos.
POLICE in Russia’s Komi regions says they’ve apprehended a cat smuggling mobile phones into a prison.
The cat was nabbed at the Number One corrective labour camp with two cell phones, batteries and chargers on its back.
The local prison service announces:
“They have foiled various attempts to smuggle banned objects into Prison Colony Number One before, but in the case of the cat, the prison colony is at a loss: nothing like this has happened in the prison’s history.”
Are the experts sure the phones aren’t just a ruse for getting the cat inside? The food and drafts in those places is awful…
IS nothing safe? To Grand Lake, Colorado, where a moose bull has been mounting a bronze statue of a moose.
Bit odd. But you should see what he did to the local Tuba ensemble…
AS well you know, animals are trying to kill all humans and a video has captured a goat trying to do everyone in who lives in Sao Paulo in Brazil.
Local residents were filmed legging it around, being hunted by an irate goat, knocking one lady to the ground in spectacular fashion.
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A 26-year-old man has been arrested for 80 robberies in student housing in the city of Lyon after police traced his ears. Police found his ear prints on the front doors of the crime scenes.
Police believe the man left his mark while listening in on doors to check if there was anyone inside.
PS – The National Training Centre for Scientific Support to Crime Investigation has been compiling a database of ear prints.
SHIP launch of the day:
CODY is the screaming dog. When the humans say “Co-deee” over and over, Cody the dog screams. The humans laugh. And Cody continues to tell them that a child is stuck in a well below the house. “Co-dee” the child calls. “Co-deeeeeeeee”…
PEOPLE in football are all thunderous bores or terrifically crackers. Mercifully, we’re looking at the latter here with Jose Laparra.
Jose, who used to be president of Spanish side Club Deportivo Castellon, has been accused of breaking into his fortune teller’s home in a bid to reclaim the $180,000 he paid for a ‘love spell’ that apparently failed to work.
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IT’S all about “reconnecting“! with dolphins. The Charlotte Observer reports:
Last month, Adam Barringer, 29, and his pregnant wife Heather, 27, boarded a plane for Hawaii. The couple traveled over 4,500 miles in the hopes of welcoming baby Bodhi into the world during a dolphin-assisted birth in Pohoa, Hawaii.
The couple will stay and study with Star Newland, founder of The Sirius Institute, a consortium with the purpose of “dolphinizing” the planet.
Ukrainian dolphins might be less responsive. The Ukrainian Navy has been training dolphins to kill enemy divers. Dophins have been murdering porpoises. Florida dolphins have a taste for children. Adam should also watch out for Heather being raped.
The article continues:
Before they learned they were pregnant, the idea of a water-and-dolphin birth appealed to Heather and Adam and they say they have experienced signs along the way, pointing them to Hawaii and the institute…
At the institute, the couple will spend time in the water, forming a connection with a dolphin pod they hope will bond with them and ultimately their newborn.
“It is about reconnecting as humans with the dolphins so we can coexist in this world together and learn from one another,” says Heather.
A reader writes:
Way to miss the point. Giant predators. Blood in the water. Wiggly foodlike items. What could go wrong? Just because a critter is smooth and it’s skull structure forces it’s jaw into a permanent rictus smile doesn’t make it all airy fairy. A dolphin is a predator even if it hits a lot of human “cute” buttons and as a predator it will do as it pleases.
PS: the photo above is captioned: “To help fund their Hawaii adventure, Heather Barringer worked at the Smelly Cat Coffehouse in No Da.”
TO China, where a very young baby is lodged inside a 10cm diamater sewage pipe leading off a toilet. Rescuers dash to the residence in Jinhua city, Zhejiang province.
They pull. But the baby is stuck. They use cutters to slice open the pipe. You might call it an emergency Caesarean.
The child is taken to hospital. It’s given the name Baby No 59. The parents are missing.
ROZIE is the pregnant Asian elephant at Albuquerque Zoo performing Pilates. She does this, we are told, to improve strength and flexibility. Rhonda Saiers, Elephant Manager, explains:
“We have exercise sessions twice a day with leg lifts, squats and other calisthenics. The exercises are especially important for Rozie. When she is strong and at ideal weight, we know chances are much better that she’ll have an uncomplicated and successful birth. Just as in humans, birth carries risks, but we’re doing all we can to minimize those.”
But you can’t help but think the experts are ignoring the obvious, the literal elephant in the room. Rozie is a captive. Granted, she’s not in the big top, stood on a ball and a waving a feather duster gripped by her trunk as a psychotic clown makes her dance. But the effect is to present Rozie as a happy captive pachyderm here to entertain the masses.
The Albuquerque government website assures us that the exercises keep Rozie “healthy and happy”.
Isn’t a happy elephant a free elephant?
THEY say a giant badger lives at Folkestone School for Girl. A worried parent tells us:
“It has been spotted several times within the grounds, scaring the living daylights out of the teenage girls…
“There were tales of it charging at a pupil and then sniffing her, but these are teenage girls who are full of drama.”
“It is a giant badger and it is causing hysteria.”
Not only the teenagers, then…
“IT is not unheard of that a couple will go to the cinema for a bit of privacy, but in this case he didn’t even buy a second ticket – he had his girlfriend hidden under his jacket and only blew her up when he got inside.” So says the manager of the shopping centre in Guadalupe, northern Mexico, of Omar Cano Adrian Pacheco, a 24-year-old arrested for shagging a sex doll in mall’s cinema.
Cano was arrested and fined 300 pesos for disorderly conduct.
It’s not reported what happened to the “girlfriend” but you can make up your own jokes about her going down on him.
Casey, 51, was spotted secreting a £12 lump of dead cow in a rucksack at Asda’s Washington Galleries store last October.
But he wasn’t stealing it. He says he was removing it from sight because it was giving him “flashbacks” to his grandma, who died of a blood clot when he was a boy.
As Prosecutor Michael Hodson told the court:
“The defendant accepts placing the joint of beef in his bag deliberately. He says he did so because he was experiencing a flashback to his grandmother’s traumatic death, which had been triggered by the sight of the joint of beef. He says it was necessary to conceal the beef in order to control the effects of the flashback.”
And then there’s dear old Aunt Bessie, who after being run over by a steamroller looked exactly like a Yorkshire pudding; uncle Ray who was impaled on a carrot; little Tommy whose sick looked so much like chicken gravy; spud faced Uncle Bruce; and the milky skinned aunty Joyce who bloody face after an accident in the threshing machine reminds him of the supermarket own-brand Raspberry Pavlova…
Mr Casey was found guilty.
IF you go to Allentown, Pennsylvania, take care where you take a wazz. Two shop owners have rigged up sensors that when triggered soak the urinator in…. Well, it might be water. Of course, this plan might backfire. Nine out of ten people wee in the shower. The other one in ten go in the bath as it drains away:
THE matrimony bar is set high in Sehore, India. The local rules are that men seeking licence to wed
fblushing brides in mass marriage ceremonies and gain benefits under the Mukhyamantri Kanyadan Yojana (MKY) should have a toilet. To prove that they have, grooms should submit photos of themselves by their bogs.
Will there be cheating, grooms doubling up on toilets or posing in local eateries and DIY shops? District collector Kavindra Kiyawat says not:
“With new modification, we have tried to ensure that there is no chance of fraud and wrong information from the grooms. It is precisely for this reason that we didn’t only ask for providing pictures of toilets, but pictures of grooms with their toilets.”
Another local bigwig adds:
“On Monday, marriages of 184 couples were solemnized in Budhni block in the presence of the chief minister. In every case it was ensured that the groom had a toilet facility in his house.”
No prizes for guessing which of the happy couple will be cleaning band buffing the pride and joy…
FISHING! Such a tranquil, noble past time eh? Languidly staring at the water, tactically working out fishy movements. That’s not blood quickening is it?
Not until an eagle appears from nowhere and snatches the fish you’ve caught with its horrible killer talons!
And mercifully for us, the whole incident was caught on camera so we don’t have to sit in near silence, smoking roll-ups for hours while sat on a bucket of maggots for hours on end.
Fisherman Norman Dreger, so shocked by the whole thing, wobbles and loses his balance.
Dreger explained: “This eagle stole a beautiful Dolly Varden char right off of my hook, then took all my backing and stole my fly too!”
NOMINATIVE Determinism presents Dr Unk, the Delaware doctor accused of driving while drunk. Dr Unk, 38, was more than twice the legal limit.
IN what country do you think a woman reared a four-legged, two-bottomed chicken? How big is it? Well, the owner of describes it, ominously, as weighing “more than half a cat“. Cats are now the unit of weight for all poultry. Just as length, height, volume and breadth are measured in football pitches, double-decker buses and Olympic swimming pools, meat will be weighed in cats.
Anyhow, the answer to our question. The creature was born at the Sun Jun private incubator plant and in… Shangzhou, China.
The cattery is next door.
ROBBER making escape hit by bus. File under: wheels of justice:
WHILST in pursuit of a speeding car, Portland Police Traffic Officer Mark James was forced to stop by ducks on the road:
THE Irish are an unfairly maligned people, often jibed at for being a country of dimwits. However, like all national stereotypes, there’s always one berk on-hand to live up to it.
And so, we go to a McDonald’s in Cork (bring back the Oriental McRib, please) where a man managed to get himself stuck in a baby seat like a big buffoon.
Of course, the Gardai had to be called out and here’s the picture evidence.
“McDonald’s is aware of the incident involving a customer who decided to sit in one of our children’s high-chairs in Winthrop Street,” said a representative from McDonald’s.
“And as you can see, we recommend that children don’t use the high-chair without adult supervision!”
The man fulfilled another Irish stereotype while he was at it: He was reportedly drunk at the time.
DISCO the budgie:
Disco seems to be repeating things he’s overheard. He’s make a terrific spy but an astonishingly poor confidant.
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