Posts Tagged ‘Brad Pitt’
‘Insecure’ Angelina Jolie Joins Lily Allen Glee Club
HEAT magazine claims on its front cover to be “bursting with glee” as it delivers the headline that Brad Pitt’s lover Angelina Jolie is “INSECURE”.
SHE USED TO BE FRESH-FACED AND CAREFREE
That was then. She’s
NOW SHE’S BITTER, EXHAUSTED AND DRIVING BRAD AWAY
Feel the glee. She’s also a mother many times over and older and looking, well, better than you.
Angelina’s Jolie’s changing looks are contrasted with Lily Allen’s, a homegrown girl who has “WON HER BODY BATTLE”.
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Brad Pitt Crawls To Jennifer Aniston On ‘All Fours’ In Angelina Jolie Crisis
NATIONAL Enquirer: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in “CRISIS” as Jen “REJECTS” BRAD on “all fours”…
News is that Jennifer Aniston “won’t take him back”.
A source says that Jen says that Brad “doesn’t look so hot any more” and that he carries “too much baggage”.
Brad is currently sporting a beard that would look at home at an old crones’ orgy. He also has baggage, the little Brangelinos.
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Posted: 2nd, February 2010 | In: National Enquirer | Comments (7)
Brad Pitt Hides Under Christina Hendricks At Directors Guild Of America Awards: Pictures
BRAD Pitt was saved by Mad Men’s Christian Hendricks (career in NSFW photos) at the 62nd Annual Directors Guild of America Achievement Awards, held at the Hyatt Regency Century Plaza Hotel, Los Angeles. All eyes would have been on Pitt had they been able to look beyond Christina Hendricks who used her big girl’s portico to shelter Angelina Jolie’s sparring partner. (Ange in NSFW pics too). In pictures:
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Posted: 31st, January 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Brangelina: Angelina Jolie’s ‘Powerful New Man’
BRAD Pitt And Angelina Jolie are aover. or not. Ok, they’re over-ish. But what can we expect to discover when they split? Anorak’s Man in LA reports on a new man:
THE author behind the book “Brangelina,” which details the demise of the couples long-term relationship, Ian Halperin, has some incredible tales of what’s (allegedly) going on behind the scenes of the star coupling.
Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt – A Romance In Pictures
Halperin says the two are still be living together, while at the same time being “romantically estranged.”
But Halperin doesn’t stop there… he has a prediction as to which of the two will come out of their bust-up in better shape.
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Posted: 26th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Jennfier Aniston And Brad Pitt Swan Off
AT a Gloucestershire wildfowl sanctuary, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are small fry. Two swans – Bewick swans Sarindi Pitt and Saruni Aniston– are divorcing.
Angelina Jolie’s Post-Brad Pitt Images On Dating Website (NSFW)
The Bewick’s left the Wildfowl and Wetlands Trust centre at Slimbridge for Arctic Russia together. They have returned with new partners. Male swan Sarindi arrived home without Saruni but with Sarind Jolie. It is only the second divorce in 40 years recorded at the centre.
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Break-Up Pictures
Staff who observe swans shagging and comment on their love lives have described the new couplings as “bizarre”.
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Posted: 25th, January 2010 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Marriage Is ‘Over’: Fact
THE big news is that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie “have seen DIVORCE lawyers and signed a £205 million split deal”. As the NoTW says on its front page: “PITTS ALL OVER.”
So says the News of The World, which may have scooped the National Enquirer, the magazine that for over five years has featured Brand and Angelina on its masthead and told readers that they are falling in and out of love. Although all were scooped by In Touch magazine, which told us in October 2007: “The romance is over.”
This was soon followed by, also in 2007, by the headline in Grazia magazine: “Jen blamed for wrecking marriage.”
If Brad and Angel are getting divorced, the short-term boost in magazine sales as the children get divided will be further excited by the news that a turgid love story now in its sixth year – the Jolie-Pitt-Jennifer Anistone love triangle – has been reinvigorated.
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Posted: 24th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Angelina Jolie Is Mary Poppins, With Brad Pitt: In Pictures
BRAD Pitt and Angelina Jolie are in New York with Shiloh Jolie-Pitt (praise be upon her) to see Walt Disney’s Mary Poppins at The New Amsterdam Theater. Look out for Jolie sporting an umbrella soon and descending upon random areas of the world for the children. Madonna was to play the part of Poppins, but the US military would not sanction anyone to fly with a hypodermic syringe taped to the end of an umbrella (got to make sure the nippers have had their shots). In pictures:
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Posted: 7th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
The Rise Fall And Rise Again Of Brad Pitt’s Stripping Singer Victoria Hart
THE Sun spots Victoria Hart, the American-born teenager hired to sing for George Clooney and Brad Pitt for the Oceans 13 party in Cannes in 2007. Hart is also the paper’s former blogger, who wrote for the paper about her time in the US.
The Sun says Hart is now working as a stripper for £20 a dance. No big deal. The Sun features Page 3 Girls and leads with news of Katie Price, a woman whose primary sexual characteristics are good clean family fun. The paper also features adverts for adult movies and chat lines for “college girls” and “naughty women”. It’s just that grainy image makes it looks like Hart is up to no good:
The California-born beauty said: “The worst bit is when they try and touch you. You can turn around and they will actually lick you. It can be horrible, but the money’s good.” She added: “I’ve had some problems but things are still working out. I didn’t want anyone to know about this.”
Thanks to the Sun’s Richard White and that grainy picture now everyone knows about it; and reminded of her existence.
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Posted: 24th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Reviews Of The Decade In Pictures: 2000 In Showbiz
IN 2000, this is what was hot on showbiz. Anorak’s reviews of the decade – Year 2000 in pictures – with Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston, Michael Cain, Jude Law, Sir Richard Branson, Billy Bob Thornton, Leonardo Di Caprio, Giselle Bundchen, Dame Shirley Bassey, Victoria Beckham, Model Kelly Brook, Madonna, Sir Bob Geldof, Paula Yates, Big Brother, Robert Downey Jnr, Guy Ritchie and Halle Berry…
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Angelina Jolie’s Diamond Snakes Mined At Source, In Pictures
IN “CRUEL MIND GAMES! Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston tell Enquirer readers of “2am calls!”, “CATTY insults!” and “DIRTY tricks!”
The aim of this is for Aniston and Jolie to “destroy each other”. Jen is looking to meet with Brad Pitt, catalyst for much angst, soon. Then Jen will star in the Lost City of Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Oh, it’s no good. Jennifer ‘nice hair” Aniston v Angelina “bedtime reading” Jolie is going nowhere. Every week the Enquirer trots out another front-page story about how Jen and Ange don’t get on.
“These mind games between Angie and Jen are no good for anyone,” says the source.
Yes, they are.
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Posted: 17th, November 2009 | In: National Enquirer | Comment (1)
Angelina Jolie Is Torturing Jennifer Aniston With Peter Andre
ANGELINA Jolie is “torturing” Jennifer Aniston. Angelina Jolie is torturing Jennifer Aniston for charity and to highlight the plight of the panda bear. Angelina Jolie is torturing Jennifer Aniston because she has heard the prayers of the people.
The National Enquirer has more and says the Angelina Jolie is torturing “childless Jen” with her twins on a recent sopping trip to Amman, Jordan.
Jolie and Brad Pitt and Knox and Vivienne are shopping for a birch, the wake of Judah’s cradle or the collected thoughts of Peter Andre: Chapters 1 Through III. If you’re going to torture Jen, you need to come equipped. Bring something messy to put in her hair.
A source tells us that “in Jen’s mind, her [Jolie’s] decision to show off the kids in such a public way was probably done to make her jealous.” It was a “stab in the heart” – which is more akin to murder than torture.
But, then, Jen is handy with knives and any pang to the heart will lead to a slow death that could last for another six years of headlines and news…
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Posted: 13th, October 2009 | In: National Enquirer | Comments (2)
Brad Pitt’s Life Of Hell, Beer, Wine, Beards And Chips
IN this week’s National Enquirer, news that Angelina Jolie is “DESTROYING” Brad Pitt, Justin Timberlake’s Rihanna-Biel “LOVE TRIANGLE” and “HOW NICOLE RICHIE LOST 14LBS IN 7 DAYS.”
Brad And Angelina En France:
News is that “BRAD’S FALLING APART”. He’s “bloated” and haggard” as he endures a “life of hell” with Angelina Jolie. He’s losing his looks and it’s “crushing his spirit.”
You can see just how crushed Brad is as he tours a Syrian camp for dispossessed Iraqis on his and Angelina’s Little Donkey Tour of the Middle East.
That’s Brad Pitt with the “unkempt Colonel Sanders-style beard”, the tatty chin with bits of chicken fat, coleslaw and gristle in the creases.
That beard keeps getting longer to hide Brad’s tall stack of chins. Can the chin hair grow in step with his chins? It’s the big talking point.
Meanwhile, back at the chateau, a game of hide and seek is being enacted:
“Brad’s answer to these problems has been to hide away with a bottle of wine and some beer, which is easy for him because the chateau is enormous and he can slip to the other side of the property and stay there for days on end. He’ll find himself some French cheese and meats and grab some olives, chips and other greasy goods. Then he washes it down with bottle after bottle of expensive wine and super-strong European beer, which is his favourite.”
It is a living hell.
Justin Timberlake, Rihanna and Jessica Biel
Rihanna’s people say that Justin Timberlake must end it with Jessica Biel if he is to have any chance to dating Rihanna, who Justin is not dating but might if he drops Jessica Biel.
Only if Timberlake stops dating Biel can he even think of dating Rihanna.
And what foes for Rihanna, goes too for Kirstie Alley, Madonna, Helen Shapiro, Sarah ‘Fergie’ Ferguson and Cheryl Cole…
Perspective With Mary Jo Eustace, Dean McDermott and Tori Spelling
Mary Jo has a new book out. It’s called Divorce Sucks. In it she speaks of her ex-husband Dean McDermott and how he and Tori hooked up:
“I guess I always knew that after the years of mini bombs, one day there would be a big, fat Hiroshima.”
After that, Mary Jo gathers herself to talk of a picture she saw of Tori with her legs raised about a prone Dean. And she delivers the bombshell:
“I will never feel the same way about cowboy boots again.”
And you thought there was only one way to think about cowboy boots.
Nicole Richie Slims Down
Did you know that Nicole Richie lost 14 pounds – in weight! -after giving birth to a baby that weighed 7lbs 14oz. Add on the attachments and the water and the breast feeding and the miracle is not that Richie lost weight but that she had any weight left to lose…
Posted: 6th, October 2009 | In: Key Posts, National Enquirer | Comments (2)
Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt Play Mary And Joseph With Iraqi Refugees, In Pictures
US actor Brad Pitt and UNHCR Goodwill Ambassador Angelina Jolie are pictured playing with Iraqi refugees children in Jaramana, a suburb of Damascus, Syria, – first one to score wins the spare ticket back to Shangrila.
It’s the virtues of conspicuous caring. Look at Angelina in her white robes. Look at Brad with his hands on his hips ready to do the do. Look at his beard. He cares. She cares. They care.
He’s the carpenter of New Orleans. She’s the angelic other being looking to give birth immaculately. Look at the UN uniting the world.
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Posted: 3rd, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Angelina Jolie Introduces Jennifer Aniston And Her New Lover Scott Stuber
JENNIFER Aniston’s new lover is a man “she secretly fell for while married to Brad”; he’s “Mr Right”; she’ll “have his baby”; he’s called…Scott Stuber.
The Enquirer says this is the tenth man Aniston has romanced since Brad Pitt left her in 2005. All the other runners and riders are named: Vince Vaughn (tall actor), Geoff Stults (lantern-jawed actor), Paul Sculfor (mo-del), Jason Lewis (actor), Brian Bouma (film crew), Aaron Eckhart (actor), John Mayer (crooner), Bradley Cooper (Sean Penn look-alike marrying Rennee Zellweger) and Gerard Butler (“I am not dating Jennifer Aniston”).
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Posted: 29th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Angelina Jolie Tells OK! ‘I Don’t Ask For Tabloid Attention’
ANGELINA Jolie would like OK! readers, and therefore us, to know:
“I don’t ask for all this tabloid attention so I never read what they write about us.”
It’s the media. It’s all the media. Angelina is talking about the invasive tabloids in an OK! interview. She doesn’t ask to be in the tabloids. It’s not her fault that hacks and snappers not part of her accredited team follow her about.
AJ: First I see myself as a mother – that’s my priority… I don’t even go out that much, I travel and do a film and that’s about it so I don’t understand why people want to know more about our lives.
Cue:
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Posted: 24th, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, OK! | Comments (4)
Brad Pitt To Star In Dr Who Spin Off
CELEBRITY quote of the day comes from not-Brad Pitt look-alike John Barrowman, who is in conversion with London Tube weirdo shield Metro:
Hack: My friend says whenever his mother sees you on TV, she says: ‘He’s so handsome – I can’t believe he’s gay!
John Barrowman: “With Brad Pitt you don’t say: ‘I can’t believe he’s married!’ Why does being gay mean women can’t fancy me and find me sexy?”
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Posted: 22nd, September 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Scary 98lb Angelina Jolie Haunted By Jennifer Aniston
DO you know that Angelina Jolie weighs 98lbs? Well, she does. The National Enquirer can tell a person’s weight just by looking at them. One day the magazine will finally launch Weight Bitch, in which a reader can angle the magazine towards a work colleague or family members and learn that person’s true weight.
The NE gives hope to its readers, following the boastful headline figure with news on how to be as thin as Jolie. All you need is one Jennifer Aniston and to shag Brad Pitt.
IN “SCARY SKINNY ANGIE HAUNTED BY JEN – 98lb. star blames shocking weight loss on hated rival”, readers learn all about the Jolie Diet.
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Posted: 22nd, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, National Enquirer | Comments (3)
Brad Pitt And Jennifer Aniston Set Up Home
PAVLOV’S Rule of Tabloid Journalism states that every time Jennifer Aniston is mentioned so too must be Angelina Jolie and by definition Brad Pitt. So when Grazia magazine uses its front page to announce the question (can you announce a question?): “Jen has boob job?” a little squeaky voice pops up to add “BRAD And ANGELINA’S MAKE-OR-BREAK TRIP.”
First up we are invited to look at Jennifer’ Aniston’s chest and check it for signs of hair, boyfriends and growth. We see none, although in one picture Jen is wearing a tighter top than in the other, so Grazia senses a scandal.
Which leads readers to Ange and Brad who are on a “make-or-break-trip” to a… garden centre.
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Posted: 13th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Angelina Jolie’s Lost Sex Diaries, Brad Pitt’s Contents Revealed
ANGELINA Jolie’s “LOST DIARIES” have been found. And the National Enquirer has the news on what Ange wrote about “BRAD, JEN & HER KINKY SEX LIFE”.
Once inside the magazine, we realise that the diaries have not been found by the Enquirer. But not to worry because the word “diary” enables the Enquirer to make a good guess at what these diaries contain.
They contain “intimate details about her sex life and revels her innermost feelings about partner Brad Pitt”.
They contain “dates” in chronological orders, notes on “public holidays” and very possibly a table that converts decimal measurements into metric and then lists all the capitals of ALL the nations, including Shiloh’s native NAMIBIA!
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Posted: 8th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, National Enquirer | Comments (2)
Renee Zellweger And Bradley Cooper Name The Day
DID you know that Renee Zellweger is “currently romancing the hottest actor of the moment…”? So says OK! magazine.
No, it’s not Brad Pitt. No, not George Clooney. No, not Gerard Butler. No, not Steve McFadden. It’s…
“…Bradley Cooper.”
Yes, that Bradley Cooper, from the A Team film, which is due out in 2010.
And that is not all. Renee is turning 40 soon. But OK! shouts that “IT DOESN’T MAKE HER FEEL SAD.”
So what does make Renee Zellwegger feel sad? OK! sits down with the middle-aged actress for a chat.
“I’m so sad that everyone keeps pointing to this birthday.”
Before telling us:
“I feel nothing different. Nothing. There’s nothing different…”
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Posted: 2nd, September 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Angelina Jolie Goes Back To Namibia
IN this week’s Hello! we learn that Coleen Rooney hosts a party in which her unborn baby was the “star party guest”, Angelina Jolie makes a return to Namibia, Andrea Corr is married – exclusively! – and Jason Durr gets his twins…
To Coleen’s Rooney’s Cheshire party.
It turns out that Coleen didn’t order the tattooist but went for the sonographer, who brought along a 4D scanning machine to the party.
“You can see the baby’s features and movement,” says a source.
Pictured.
JASON Durr is an actor on Heartbeat.
He’s also father to twins: Felix Montgomery and Velvet Josephine. Should they ever make it big in the world of showbizniz, Felix is a shoo-in for the cat food gig and Velvet can get the pantyliner contract.
They will also share a terrific anecdote, nay, an “extraordinary, emotional journey that proceeded their arrival”. You see: “The twins were conceived with the help of a Los Angeles-based egg donor…”
In the current climate of Julia Roberts’ twins, Jennifer Lopez’s twins, Sarah Jessica Parker’s twins, Ricky Martin’s twins and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s twins. Showbiz IVF twins are about as extraordinary as the news that Jordan sleeps on her back.
ON the front page of Hello! is news of “exclusive photos” of the wedding of Andrea Corr to A. Billionaire.
The photos are indeed stunning because there is not shot of the actual wedding, just shots of the wedding party entering a church in Ireland.
Hello! no longer has scoops – it just has a few pictures. And to prove it, the magazine once more dredges up its pictures of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt in Namibia for the birth of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt (may her name be forever held in the highest organ).
Is it too early to talk of the death of Hello?
Posted: 25th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
In OK! This Week: Ashton Kutcher’s Wants Another Ashton Kutcher, Diane Kruger On Brad Pitt And Gareth Gates’ Mole
IN this week’s OK! – Ashton Kutcher’s Gift, Diane Kruger On Ironing Condoms And Gareth Gates’ Missy Mole…
Diane Kruger ‘s Laughs It Up
Diane Kruger, who stars opposite Brad Pitt in Inglorious Basterds, is in conversation with OK!:
“I’m on time even when I try not to be. I’m German. I’m responsible. I’m neat. I iron my tablecloths.”
Bing a typical German, when she’s in Mallorca she naturally irons her condoms.
Missy Ga-Ga-Gates
OK! catches up with Gareth Gates, Suzanne Mole and their daughter Missy, who was born in April and “very well behaved”.
Gareth and Suzanne are “introducing Missy to the world”, which to her eyes looks like an OK! hacks with a syrup-leaded pencil and a photographer. And there’s the sound of mum talking about Missy’s birth:
“It was so easy. We decided to go for a Caesarean… I had a new procedure called a natural section… instead of being cut open, and having the baby pulled out, they find the head first and then bring it out.”
Or your stomach. Hence “natural section”.
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Posted: 20th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Hate Each Other
DID you know that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie “really HATE each other”?
You do now because the National Enquirer tells us so on its front page.
“Feuding Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were unable to conceal their hatred for each other” at the Hollywood premiere of his latest movie.”
We know this not because Brad Pitt says he loves his lover but because Dr Lillian Glass – “top body language expert” – has studied photos of the couple and can now tell all:
“This says it all about how far this couple has grown apart.”
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Posted: 18th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (12)
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Join The Green Jet Set
BRAD Pitt and Angelina Jolie travel by private jet again. As Anorak’s Man in the Hollywood Swamp notes:
A private seat that consumed something in the neighbourhood of 400 gallons of fuel for each person onboard. As opposed to the 125 gallons per passenger that a loaded Boeing 777 would have consumed.
This is, of course the same Brad Pitt who supports Global Green, whose mission is:
“…to reduce greenhouse gas emmissions.”
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Posted: 17th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (16)
Jennifer Aniston Is Pregant, Mel Gibson’s Hair Plugs And Michael Jackson’s Drugs Runner
NATIONAL Enquirer Tuesday: Angelina Jolie “explodes”, Jennifer Aniston is pregnant, Mel Gibson’s “hair plugs” and Michael Jackson’s drugs runner…
ANGELINA Jolie “EXPLODES”.
And the National Enquirer asks readers:
“Is Jennifer [Aniston] having your baby?”
This question might be pertinent. Over the past five years, Aniston’s womb has been the subject of much speculation in the Enquirer, it being possibly impregnated by a host of actors whose names are too long to list here.
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Posted: 4th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
