Anorak

TV & Radio | Anorak - Part 8

TV & Radio Category

Television and radio programme reviews, trailers, highlights, twilights and cinema news. Also the neglected gems from years past.

Louis Johnson wins Strictly Come Dancing

No sooner has the X Factor ended than the Daily Star is talking abut next season’s show. The front-page new is that George Michael is to be one of the show’s judges. If there’s one man who knows about the justice system it’s George.

And everyone wants him. Over two pages, readers learn that George is at the centre of a “bitter tug of war between the X Factor and the Voice”. If those are George’s only career options, if might be time to put in a call to Andrew Ridley.

It all reads like a PR missive, all the more so when the Star labels this season’s ratings “disastrous”. Everyone, we’re told, was watching the BBC’s Strictly Come Dancing. But ITV, which broadcasts The X Factor, need not panic – give it a few months and we’ll all forget who won either show until they start presenting the things.

Over in the Mirror the front-page features this year’s amateur with the X Factor: Louisa Johnson. She is “£6m Louisa”, expected to earn that sum this year alone.

How good is she? Well, Simon Cowell licked his eyeballs and told Johnson, “You’re not human.” He did not make her an offer for her skin and hair, but give it time. Judge Rita Ora called her  “gorgeous, gorgeous”. Rita’s fellow judge Nick Grimshaw says her singing is like a “smack in the face”. So. She’s the new Cheryl Cole, then. Toilet attendants have been notified.

The Express notices that Louisa is blonde. This makes her “angelic” in a way that Reggie and Bollie, whom Louis defeated to win the show, can never be. Angels are all blonde. Fact!

The Sun (“Lou Dunnit”) says Johnson can be as big as Leona Lewis, a former winner who has enjoyed 14 Top 40 singles since winning the show in 2006 – putting her up there with Jedward.

Posted: 14th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comment


Best News Bloopers 2015

Posted: 11th, December 2015 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


An Orangutan watch a magic trick (Video)

Posted: 10th, December 2015 | In: Strange But True, TV & Radio | Comment


Watch BBC news presenter calls Tyson Fury a dickhead

Posted: 9th, December 2015 | In: Reviews, Sports, TV & Radio | Comment


ITV fail: broadcaster confuses Ainsley Harriott with Lenny Henry

ainsley henry

 

This week we learnt that TV chef Ainsley Harriott is also Lenny Henry. Who knew? ITV did. As Henry received his knighthood from Her Majesty, the broadcaster showed footage of the one-man double-act’s career:

Of course, the two men are not the same man.

Whoops! A spokesperson for ITV News went on the record:

“ITV News apologises for the error broadcast in the lunchtime news package today regarding Sir Lenny Henry’s knighthood at the palace. This was the result of an error in the production process in a piece intended to celebrate Sir Lenny’s significant achievements in British entertainment.”

Before praising he man’s cooking and big smile.

Posted: 6th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment (1)


Creepy Christmas songs: Angels of Love

An incredibly creepy Christian kids song for Christmas. Linda Blair is away:

 

Posted: 6th, December 2015 | In: Music, Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment


Christmas TV repeats story repeats in tabloids

TV repeats tabloidThe Daily Mirror reports that 811 shows broadcast over the Christmas period on the four main TV channels have been broadcast before.

The Mirror, which, like the Express and Mail, has broadcast adaptations of this story for the last 20 years, is dismayed by the news.

Says one tabloid insider: “Every year we have to report the same story as news but with a new headline. This year it’s “‘Tis the season for repeats”, whereas last years we reported “The season for repeats”, before that it was “‘Twas the season for repeats” and next year we have already written “‘Twill be the season for repeats”. These TV bosses just shove out Mary Poppins. It’s not fair.”

Before adding: “See you next year.”

 

 

 

 

 

Posted: 4th, December 2015 | In: Reviews, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment


The Dog with Musical Ears (video)

This dog that sing and dance with his ears. Wow!

Posted: 2nd, December 2015 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Marilyn Monroe dead ringer for stone cold Scotland

Like comparing Marilyn Monroe to Kincardineshire

 

Subtitle screw up of the day:

Sky News subtitles were running over an item on dress size changes over the past 20 years. The item was a day late lift on a Daily Mail story. The claim is a 10 dress size today would have been a 14 a couple of decades ago.

A gushing Sky commentator repeats the Mail’s headline which compared Kim Kardashian to the ultimate blonde bombshell which was converted by Sky’s superfast text translator as:

Like comparing Marilyn Monroe to Kincardineshire

Works for me… both attractive and dead

Posted: 10th, November 2015 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment


Al Molinaro: star of Happy Days and The Odd Couple has died

happy days al dies

Al Molinaro, the actor who played Al Delvecchio, owner of Arnold’s Drive-In on the hit TV show Happy Days has died. You might know him as Murray from The Odd Couple.

Spotter: The Hollywood Reporter

Posted: 1st, November 2015 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment


Gif Of The Day: Wonder Woman ‘The Bermuda Triangle Crisis’

Wonder Woman, “The Bermuda Triangle Crisis”

Wonder Woman, “The Bermuda Triangle Crisis”

Gif Of The Day: Wonder Woman ‘The Bermuda Triangle Crisis’ – 1977

Posted: 28th, October 2015 | In: Gifs, TV & Radio | Comment


Back To The Future Day: Keith Lemon and ITV2 waterboard nostalgia

It’s Marty McFly / Back To The Future Day when we all get to wear self-tying shoelaces, ride on hoverboards and watch TV’s suicide note on ITV2:

 

Keith Lemon Marty Mcfly

 

And you still wonder if the BBC is worth the licence fee..?

As @NellKane10 puts it: “ITV2 waterboarding nostalgia.”

 

Spotter: Tom Jamieson

Posted: 21st, October 2015 | In: Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment


Nadiya Hussain: making a meal of the GBBO bitter chocolate mosque

nads

 

Great British Bake Off winner Nadiya Hussain has been turned into a mould for all Britishers to pour their prejudices into.

Remona Aly, The Guardian: “Nadiya Hussain has won so much more than the Great British Bake Off”

A modelling contract? A glass cake stand? A peerage?

Nadiya has managed to defuse the negative, politicised and stereotypical discourse surrounding Muslims in one beat of a whisk. Such is her resonance that even David Cameron – whose Tory party conference speech lists pet hates that can be construed as Muslim-related, including another dig at madrasas and his declaration that “this passive tolerance has turned us into a less integrated country” – backed her to win.

The elite who turn everything into a moral education for the masses. Cameron was mad for Brain Belo to win Big Brother. Show him a darker complexion on The Chase and Dave bangs the drum. “Go-gogo, Ali from Bury,” he yells. “Make Britain proud!”

While Nadiya is the most popular GBBO baker to date, with the charming anaesthetist Tamal Ray a close second, their combined appeal meant that this year’s finale was bound to break previous records… In addition to GBBO’s winning set-up of the brilliantly witty Mel and Sue, poker-faced Paul Hollywood and traditionalist Mary Berry…  its inclusivity factor has been reflected in the competitors, with Nadiya having the extra edge of being a non-stereotypical British winner – as an Asian Muslim woman in a hijab, she both represents and transcends all her identities.

 

Poor old Ian. The white bloke is the only person on camera not included in Remona’s tribute to inclusiveness.

White bloke Simon Kelner (Independent), says Nadiya Hussain “serves up the perfect rebuttal to Theresa May’s xenophobic rhetoric.”

No. She did not push the cake in May’s mush.

Julia Hartley-Brewer, Telegraph:

Nadiya does not represent Muslims, or British Muslims, or Asian women or even just women. She is simply an individual who represents no one but herself, in exactly the same way that if her fellow contestant Ian Cumming, a white middle-class man, had won the show, it wouldn’t have said anything meaningful about white middle-class men either.

Gaby Hinsliff, also Guardian:

How dare the BBC portray this cheery mix of ethnicities and sexualities and backgrounds inexplicably not at one another’s throats, and thus make it look as if multiculturalism might not be so bad after all? There was admittedly something a bit contrived about Hussain’s final showstopper, the wedding cake she’d apparently always wanted (they’re not traditional in Bangladesh, where she and her husband married). Even the dimmest viewer couldn’t miss the symbolism of an old-fashioned iced lemon drizzle accompanied by a red, white and blue sari.

Er…

Yasmin Alibhai-Brown:

Muslims who are burning with anger or, at the least, disillusioned with life in Britain should learn from Nadiya. I know I have.

 

Ally Ross, the Sun:

MILLIONS of nut-cakes tuned in to the Bake Off final last night not entirely sure who’d win — but utterly convinced they knew who wouldn’t. We had a Muslim mum of three, Nadiya, looking quietly determined. A gay Asian NHS worker, Tamal, looking stupidly relaxed. And a bloke called Ian, looking utterly screwed.

Turn up without a box tick to your name, some viewers reckon, and you can bake an exact replica of the Taj Mahal using shortbread fingers and meringue nests and it still won’t be enough to win this most PC of BBC shows.

The Bake Off monster has got so big, the show is no longer just a cake-making contest.

It’s full-scale ideological warfare and another chance to argue about political-correctness in the BBC. To have the stomach for that, you also need to give an unhealthy toss about Flora’s cocoa carousel or Alvin’s plum tart…

 

 

BBC execs no doubt did a multi-cultural jig of politically-correct joy — long before she sealed it with a patriotic red, white and blue wedding cake. Tearful, victorious Nadiya was the best contestant. She deserved to win.

I’m simply glad it’s over. Now we can enjoy the less PC delights of the new Apprentice line-up. That includes: Ah. A Kosovan refugee, a Nigerian businesswoman and a former intern for a Liberal Democrat MEP.

 

Amanda Platell writes in Mail:

Poor Flora wasn’t PC enough for Beeb

When this series of The Great British Bake Off began, the BBC was proud it was the most inclusive, multi-cultural line-up ever.

Did you notice?

Now we’re down to the final three, it’s certainly a PC triumph. We are left with Muslim mum Nadiya Hussain, gay doctor Tamal Ray, and New Man Ian Cumming. Poor Flora Shedden never stood a chance. She was far too middle class — and was booted off this week after her chocolate carousel was deemed sub-standard. Perhaps if she’d made a chocolate mosque, she’d have stood a better chance.

The judges are Paul Hollywood (white; non-Jewish male), Mary Berry (white; non-Hindu female), Sue Perkins (white; gay; non-Satanist) and Mel Giedroyc (white; non-Buddhist; not a former refugee reading Gender Studies at Sussex University). We could go through the crew, whose names appear at the show’s end. Or look harder at Platell (white; immigrant). Or we could wonder if a chocolate mosque answered the brief to create a “stunning and delicious 3D centrepiece made from chocolate and biscuit”. No word was made of the need to create a place of worship from chocolate. No contestant did.

That’s not to say that something controversial, like a chocolate version of the Human Centipede, a dole queue or Jeremy Clarkson’s fist would not have given the middle-of-the-road show an edge. A chocolate mosque sounds a little dull.

A few days later, Platell adds:

…while I’m thrilled for Nadiya, I do also fear for her now she and her family have been catapulted into the seductive, cynical world of celebrity.

Stewart Lee has also seen how the winner of the twee TV show is being packaged as moral lesson for us all. He writes:

It was on 3 October that the Daily Mail content provider Amanda Platell introduced the notion of a chocolate mosque into the collective subconscious. But still, more than a week later, Platell’s enormous chocolate mosque continues to loom over my imagination like an enormous chocolate mosque, an image so absurd that it becomes a viable metaphor for its own self.

In case the news-blip passed you by, Platell made minor chocolate ripples by suggesting in print that a middle-class woman called Flora Shedden, and her chocolate carousel, were booted off the BBC’s Bake Off cake contest in favour of Muslim mum Nadiya Hussain, gay doctor Tamal Ray and “new man” Ian Cumming, because she wasn’t “politically correct” enough. Perhaps, wrote Platell, “if she’d made a chocolate mosque she’d have stood a better chance”.

…An obvious subtext to Platell’s story is that the other contestants were favoured, irrespective of the quality of their cake work, because they fulfilled some kind of politically correct quota, such as “Muslim mum” and “gay doctor”. But the idea that this could be a deciding factor is undermined by the presence of the third victor, Ian Cumming, for whom the best denigrating epithet that the increasingly desperate Platell can find is “new man”, a phrase last used pejoratively by a woman wearing legwarmers in the early 1980s.

And here’s food for more opinion writers: will Nadiya make a cake for gay weddings? A source tells the Sun:

 “Since the final aired she has had a flood of requests from brides-to-be. A few she has already accepted and there is enough demand for her to consider making wedding cakes professionally. It’s something she could work on in her evenings. She is still a full-time mum, after all.”

 

 

First one to order a gay wedding cake wins.

Posted: 12th, October 2015 | In: Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment


Eamonn Holmes subjects Jeremy Corbyn to one of the worst interviews of all time (video)

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn was interviewed by Eamonn Holmes on Sky News Sunrise. It was painfully enjoyable viewing. It gets worse and worse and worse… From 7 mins 40, Holmes causes wincing…
 

Posted: 2nd, October 2015 | In: Politicians, Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment


Watch The Simpsons intro in the style of a 1990s VHS video

Spotter: Flashbak

Posted: 26th, September 2015 | In: Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment


Bullseye! The 1980s Spellers Who Put A ‘SEQUIN’ On TV Darts

Sky One has returned gameshow darts to the TV schedules. One Hundred and Eighty features darts “legends” taking on contestants and challenges for prizes. Before this there was Bullseye, the show fronted by super-smashing-great Jim Bowen, a man for whom no superlative was overlooked. Losers took home a ‘Bendy Bully’, a rubbery smiling bull toy dressed in darts nylons. Winners scored “kiddies” toys, state-of-the-art VHS video recorders and “Bully’s Star Prize”, which on at least one occasion was a white fur coat.

One highlight of many was the spelling round, in which the non-dartist half of one of three two-persons contesting teams would attempt to spell a tricky word. It was only round 1. The darts players threw one dart at a board in which each sector represented a different category of question (such as Pot Luck, Faces, Places, Sport, Showbiz, Affairs, History, Books, Words, Britain, Spelling). In the white heat of a Birmingham TV studio, extempore spelling was a devilish test of nerve.

Let’s take a look a few of the words and spellers:

 

tumblr_m3037ymMna1r2n2xeo1_500 (1)

 

tumblr_mneu3styOK1r2n2xeo1_500 tumblr_mstju9YweF1r2n2xeo1_500 tumblr_nm8hh0MvYs1r2n2xeo1_500 tumblr_nt1f9qOxNR1r2n2xeo2_500 tumblr_nt1f9qOxNR1r2n2xeo1_500 tumblr_ntt6d6dgJ51r2n2xeo1_500 tumblr_nu5krkcHPV1r2n2xeo1_500 tumblr_nugl21Xnk61r2n2xeo1_500

 

Spotter: BullsEyeContestants

Posted: 16th, September 2015 | In: Key Posts, Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment


WATCH: Dennis Skinner MP loses it on BBC News – walks off with microphone

Labour MP Dennis Skinner loses it on BBC News, then casually wanders off with his mic on.

It is, says  “wonderful lunchtime viewing”.

 

Posted: 14th, September 2015 | In: Politicians, Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment


Ofcom reports: 2% say too little sex on TV

sex-on-tv lots

 

The figures do not lie. The OFCOM MEDIA TRACKER 2014 (16th May to 20th June and 1st to 31st August and 1st to 30th November 2014) says that 2% of viewers think there is too little sex on the telly.

And that includes the nature shows.

sex on TV

 

Your heart goes out to them.

 

Posted: 9th, September 2015 | In: Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment


China TV news lolz: mistakes Fleshlight sex toy for rare edible mushroom

lolz

 

News from 2012 with Jeremy Ko:

I translated the video myself and added it in using FCP. It is as accurate as I can understand from it. Besides the obscure name of the villages, it is mostly accurate. Downloaded the video from Tudou. Xi’an Up Close 《西安零距离》, an investigative journalism programme which airs on Xi’an TV, has become a national laughing stock after airing a report on June 17 on a “mystery mushroom” which was discovered by villagers in a rural part of the city…

Why does everything about the last line sound like a euphemism?

Spotter: BB

 

Posted: 5th, September 2015 | In: Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment


Who was the best Hannibal Lecter: watch Cox, Hopkins and Mikkelsen go head to head

lecter

 

Matthew Morettini let’s us compare and contrast three screen manifestations of Hannibal Lecter with this neat video

I always preferred the 1985 Manhunter, with Brian Cox as the terrifying Lecter. Anthony Hopkins reworked the character in Red Dragon and Silence of the Lambs before Mads Mikkelsen appeared as the psychopath in the TV series Hannibal.

Take a look at the video. Which one do you prefer?

 

Posted: 4th, September 2015 | In: Books, Film, TV & Radio | Comment


Watch: murderer told on TV that victim’s body has been found

 Stephen McDaniel

 

In 2011 Lauren Giddings had been reported missing. The TV news crew interviewed her classmate and neighbour, Stephen McDaniel.

He was keen to talk.

Look out for the part when he’s told the body has been found:

 

 

 

Stephen McDaniel confessed to killing Lauren Giddings.

He is serving a life sentence for her murder.

Posted: 4th, September 2015 | In: Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment


Merry Christmas: it’s Deadline Day EVE On Sky Sports

It’s the final day of the transfer season. And on Sky Sports they’re calling it Deadline Day Eve.

 

Merry Christmas, readers!

 

For all Footy stuff follow Pies.

 

Posted: 1st, September 2015 | In: Sports, TV & Radio | Comment


Jimmy Kimmel no longer only man alive not to have seen Miley Cyrus’ breasts

1404051256535371693

 

In readiness to shock to deadline on the corporate VMA awards, host Miley Cyrus appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live with most of her breasts exposed.

Kimmel was thought by many to be one of the three remaining human being not to have seen Cyrus’s breasts. Miley is now actively seeking an audience with the Pope and Lord Lucan, preferably both at once to save time before she can move on to stage 2 of Operation Primary Sexual Characteristics and show us her massive beefy knob.

 

1404047499497014050

 

Kimmel was keen to know if Miley’s dad had appraised his daughter’s naked chest.

“My dad’s cool, because I’m sure he’d maybe rather me not have my tits out all the time,” said Cyrus. “But he’d rather me have my tits out and be a good person than have a shirt on and be a bitch.”

Those are a pretty limited set of life choices in the Cyrus household.

“You know what I’ve learned? It’s not the tit—are you allowed to say ‘tit’ on your show?”added Cyrus.
“Humans aren’t afraid of the human breast. It’s the nipple that’s the issue…Like, I’m showing my boobs and no one has a problem, but the nipples are covered, so somehow that’s OK. So America’s actually fine with tits. It’s nipples they don’t like.”

Which is great news for Donald Trump’s presidential campaign.

Posted: 27th, August 2015 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment


TV Blooper: West Ham says QPR’s Charlie Austin has ‘no ligaments in his right dick’

Why aren’t West Ham United bidding for QPR’s Charlie Austin?

 

More here.

 

Posted: 20th, August 2015 | In: Sports, TV & Radio | Comment


EastEnders: June Brown is deaf and blind but you should see Dot Cotton

dot cotton blind

 

The dystopian hell of BBC TV’s EastEnders isn’t all a middle-class liberal’s merlot-induced dream about the lower classes – it’s a fly-on-the-wall documentary. The Sun catches up with one of the show’s stars, rheumy-eyed Dot Branning, who tells readers that her health could be better.

“DOT: I’M GOING DEAF AND BLIND”

In the soap’s competition to be every more miserable, you have to now expect a welter of rival headlines:

“ALFIE: I’m going deaf, dumb and blind”

“PHIL: I’m going deaf, dumb, blind and ate my own tongue”

“SONIA: I’m dead”

But this story is not about Dot. It’s not a plot driver. The story is about a woman called June Brown, the 88-year-old actress, who whilst at a Barbara Windsor stage show “struggled to hear her pal despite sitting in the front row”.

And when Barbara, 78, brought her on stage, she asked: “Are you talking to me Babs? Tell me, because I’m deaf you see and it’s very hard for me to hear so I don’t know what you’re talking about. What did you say to me?”

She then told the audience at London’s BFI: “Sorry, I would like you all to shout because I can’t hear, you see. I am ever so sorry. I am straining here.”

Meanwhile, in the far more real world of EastEnders, things have gotten worse for Dot. A “source” explains:

“It’s important for her that people know this isn’t an issue at work. The only reason she is off screen at the moment is because Dot is in prison.”

“She’ll be back at work imminently and is chomping at the bit to return.”

Maybe. But did we mention her teeth?

 

Posted: 18th, August 2015 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment