Television and radio programme reviews, trailers, highlights, twilights and cinema news. Also the neglected gems from years past.
As seen on ITV’s This Morning show: “Live from Nilufer’s vagina”:
Former British Olympic gymnast Beth Tweddle was badly injured competing on The Jump, a TV show featuring celebrities taking part in winter sports. It’s an absurd format. Watching the Winter Olympics is dull; watching celebs try out cold-weather sports in slow motion is dire. But the chance of seeing whathisface from Hollyoaks injure themselves should appeal to some TV fans.
And so to Tweddle, who the Daily Star says “broke her neck”. The Mirror says Tweddle snapped two vertebrae in her neck when she “smashed into a crash barrier”. The Mail says Tweddle “broke her back”. The paper also announces: “Beth Tweddle thanks fans for their support as viewers demand Channel 4 axes The Jump after she breaks her back on TV’s most dangerous show.”
Viewers demand a show on Channel 4 is axed? Those would be viewers who watch or don’t watch it?
Her exit follows that of fellow Olympian Rebecca Adlington, 26, who withdrew from the show on medical advice after a shoulder injury, and Holby City actress Tina Hobley, 44, who dislocated her elbow and suffered two fractures to her arm.
Right now a TV executive is trailing Celebrity Hospital Ward, Celebrity NHS and Celebrity Graveyard. The Mail adds:
Fans flocked to Twitter to call on producers to scrap the programme – now in it’s third series – due to the sheer amount of injuries among contestants.
Fans of a TV show asked for the TV show they are fans of to be cancelled? Better, surely, to replace the celebrities with the TV producers who think up pisspoor celebrity-themed shows. Who fancies for TV Executive Cliff Diving? The Newsnight team can go first.
To Australia, where the TV subtitle writer is illustrating the importance of remembering to press the space bar…
Listen as Terry Wogan signs off his BBC Radio 2 breakfast show. Wogan presented his final Radio 2 breakfast show on 18 December 2009. This is emotional:
Rick Wakeman played on David Bowie‘s Life on Mars. On January 10 2015, Wakeman played a piano version on BBC Radio 2. It’s lovely. Truly. Wakeman has since recorded a new version of the song along with a version of Space Oddity. All monies raised from the songs go to the excellent Macmillan Cancer Support.
We interrupt this broadcast to bring news of a new terroristic threat: Apache Frog is coming to the UK, says the BBC News:
Watch Pages of Death, an anti-porn film from 1962, brought to you by Citizens for Decent Literature:
In “BT Sport’s winning duo: Hoddle and Hargreaves showing Sky are no longer the limit” the Daily Express’. The story on Liverpool’s 3-3 with Arsenal is written by Jim Holden. It contains the following:
BT! And there was something else which made this a memorable match – the superb coverage last Wednesday evening by BT Sport…
This was the night when they proved their live football broadcasting can be the equal of the brilliance for so long provided by Sky…
Instead of going to an advert break at just the wrong moment before the start of the game, they allowed us to hear The Kop singing ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’. As anyone who has been to the ground knows, this is an integral part of matches at Anfield and it should always be conveyed to TV viewers….
…the radical decision by BT to have two analysts talking about the match alongside the commentator worked a treat….
Owen Hargreaves and Glenn Hoddle combined perfectly…
This H-men double act of Hoddle and Hargreaves will give the best of Sky a run for their money…
The use of World Cup Final referee Howard Webb to give instant verdicts on contentious or surprising decisions by the officials is another bonus from BT Sport…
You want more?
It takes time, and it has taken time, for a new TV station to develop its coverage and win the loyalty of viewers at home across the country. In my experience, that hurdle has now been jumped by BT Sport.
They are a serious player, much like Arsenal in this year’s Premier League title race…
Nowhere does it say that Holden has another gig:
Back of the net!
Hours of fun with a washing machine, a brick and a small trampoline:
In an “exclusive” the Star says EastEnders are to bring back Dame Barbra Windsor only to kill her off. Babs, of course, is not going to die on the telly. This is about the character, she plays in the tired BBC soap opera, Peggy Mitchell. She will “Peg Out”.
It’s an ‘exclusive’ exclusive to every newspaper that got the message from the EastEnders PR department: “Peggy’s gonna die. It’s gonna be great.”
On page 7, the Star says Peggy’s death will be “tear-jerking”. Anyone reduced to tears by the trailed death of an occasional soap opera character is in need of urgent help. they should also switch off the magic box and get out, possibly to the actual East End of London, where every gardens square is now surrounded by glassy homes that cost millions of pounds and shops selling reassuringly expensive organic puss.
Newsflash: EastEnders is not a fly-on-the-wall documentary. It’s the BBC’s dystopian vision of what working-class people do.
Says Babs: “Peggy is a character close to my heart… but I need to say goodbye to Peggy once and for all, or she will always be there.”
Good luck with that, Babs. This is EastEnders, where people return from the dead. Although picking them out form the other zombies is tricky.
David Cameron has died. Well, so says Fiona Winchester, a newsreader for Heart FM.
Whoops! Her mistake.
That’s David Bowie who died. Spot the difference?
As ever it must, the Daily Star lead with news of Celebrity Big Brother, a terrific show being murdered through over-use. Onn the cover, we see Krisitan Rihanoff, a hoofer on pro-celebrity dance show Strictly Come Dancing.
She illustrates the news that CBB “faces the axe” over “record complaints”. Viewers tuning in to the show have been upset by “racism, anti-gay slurs and lewd acts”.
On page 7 we read that the “record complains” amount to 350 moans over two days.
Regular readers may recall the Star’s news of February 2015:
The housemates have already received 2,549 complaints about the series after sexist, racist and homophobic behaviour by showbiz blogger Perez, 36, and former Baywatch star Jeremy Jackson, 34, shocked viewers.
Now producers fear the backlash from fans could “spell the end for the show”.
It didn’t then. It won’t now.
In 2014, a Swedish TV hosts Filip and Fredrik are reporting from a silent retreat. For research purposes Filip eats a cookie laced with marijuana. He thinks a good idea not to be wasted alone, so he hands one to Fredrik, omitting to tell him the secret ingredient.
“This is probably not okay, but in my search for the meaning of life, I’m doing something American ‘seekers’ have done for generations. I follow local customs, and in the USA, what I’m about to eat and trick Fredrik into eating, is not as controversial as it is in Sweden.”
Let’s just say this is shabby thing to do to anyone. It’s idiotic and dangerous. And, you know, what goes around, comes around:
Here go you, then. If you learn one thing from this video it is that the Swedish for ‘silent retreat is ‘silent retreat’. No sniggering:
Just before Christmas, the lone police officer in Mckinlay, Queensland, Australia, (population 20), watched a river flow for the first time in his lifetime.
Language is NSFW:
They say it’s hard for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. But US TV evangelists Kenneth Copeland and Jesse Duplantis are making ready their appeal. Why do you have private jets?
Well, Amos had one…
David Bowie has been in a many interviews. YouTuber Bodacea1 has compiled the parts of each where Bowie gets shirty.
cat-banana monkey suit
Davis is the demure “Hollyoaks babe” all set to enter the Celebrity Big Brother house and “dish the dirt” on former One Direction mumbler Zayn Malik.
The paper tells us that Stephanie and Zayn “secretly dated four years ago”.
The Sun: October 3 2011: “Zayn’s getting his Oaks – She’s in the fame game too so she understands what it’s like to have people interested in her private life. They’re very sweet together.”
Sky news anchor Kay Burley has a top tip for York City flood victims:
No sooner has the X Factor ended than the Daily Star is talking abut next season’s show. The front-page new is that George Michael is to be one of the show’s judges. If there’s one man who knows about the justice system it’s George.
And everyone wants him. Over two pages, readers learn that George is at the centre of a “bitter tug of war between the X Factor and the Voice”. If those are George’s only career options, if might be time to put in a call to Andrew Ridley.
It all reads like a PR missive, all the more so when the Star labels this season’s ratings “disastrous”. Everyone, we’re told, was watching the BBC’s Strictly Come Dancing. But ITV, which broadcasts The X Factor, need not panic – give it a few months and we’ll all forget who won either show until they start presenting the things.
Over in the Mirror the front-page features this year’s amateur with the X Factor: Louisa Johnson. She is “£6m Louisa”, expected to earn that sum this year alone.
How good is she? Well, Simon Cowell licked his eyeballs and told Johnson, “You’re not human.” He did not make her an offer for her skin and hair, but give it time. Judge Rita Ora called her “gorgeous, gorgeous”. Rita’s fellow judge Nick Grimshaw says her singing is like a “smack in the face”. So. She’s the new Cheryl Cole, then. Toilet attendants have been notified.
The Express notices that Louisa is blonde. This makes her “angelic” in a way that Reggie and Bollie, whom Louis defeated to win the show, can never be. Angels are all blonde. Fact!
The Sun (“Lou Dunnit”) says Johnson can be as big as Leona Lewis, a former winner who has enjoyed 14 Top 40 singles since winning the show in 2006 – putting her up there with Jedward.