TV & Radio | Anorak - Part 101

TV & Radio Category

Television and radio programme reviews, trailers, highlights, twilights and cinema news. Also the neglected gems from years past.

A Hunger Strike For Sanjaya Malakar & Heather Mills

sanjaya-malakar.jpgNOW how would an anonymous woman claiming she’d gone on a hunger strike until Sanjaya Malakar was eliminated from American Idol become international news?

The story seemed to be a fake from the start, and more so when it was propped up and pimped by a sleazy corporate infotainment website, and now it appears to have been a hoax sponsored by a weight-loss program.

But anger over Heather Mills exploiting the disabled on Dancing with The Stars? That sounds righteous, and this young man seems sincere.

Let’s see if he gets half as much attention.

Tabloid Baby

Posted: 4th, April 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)

American Idol’s Sanjaya Malakar Is Stern Con

sanjaya-stern.jpgAMERICAN IDOL’S song whisperer Sanjaya Malakar turns in another memorable, winning performance.

And audience member holds aloft a sign that reads “Sanjaya is my Papaya”.

And one of the show’s executive producers says Tabloid Baby was correct in reporting that Howard Stern listeners have nothing to do with Sanjaya’s success in the competition.

As TB reports, Ken Warwick says that even if all Stern’s listeners voted they wouldn’t make up the difference that Sanjaya has over the contestants below him – or above him – in the weekly phone-in votes.

“There is very little hype anybody can do to affect the vast numbers of votes we get,” he says.

Warwick also tells the New York Daily News that American Idol’s technical staff are able to trace each of the 40 million calls the show receives each week. This means they can stop electronic voting. And unlike over here in the UK, there have been no problems.

Stern has reportedly bragged that he and a website that urge people to vote for the worst contestants have kept Sanjaya in the running. He plans to ruin Idol’s credibility. Once famous, Stern now appears on a radio station so remote you need a team of huskies to find it.

So Stern seeks to make a name for himself off the back of a teenage singer who possesses all the stagecraft of processed cheese and less of the charisma.

But what if it is not a fix? What if the great American unwashed are not keeping Sanjaya in to do down the show but because they like him?

Tony Bennett, the music great who Frank Sinatra called “the best singer in the business”, has praised Sanjaya’s vocal talent.

But then, what matter if he can sing or not? If Sanjaya wins, he’ll sell records. And with the right lighting, sound engineering, styling, grooming and breakfast cereal, he’ll make his fortune…

Posted: 4th, April 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (3)

Dancing With the Stars – Heather Mills’ Pogo Feet

dancing-heather.jpgIS Heather Mills Playing Fair On Dancing With The Stars?

THREE weeks into Dancing With The Stars, the American version of Strictly Come Dancing, and Heather Mills is mired in controversy.

According to Tabloid Baby, “many are saying that the combination of judges’ sympathy and state-of-the-art bionic prosthetics…are giving Heather Mills an unfair leg up on the competition.”

Can Dancing With The Stars enable Mills help Mills settle in The United States. Many in Britain hope so.

“From the beginning, she’s played along with the producers’ crass promotion, expressing fears that her fake leg will fly off on live television, and playing up her disability by walking down the stage stairway like Jerry Lewis in Cinderfella,” says TB.

But see those backflips. Heather lands hard on the prosthetic limb. No splintering. No flying leg. How does she do it?

TB says the “controversial secret was revealed in the video package that preceded her dance”.

Mills was having a hard time of it in rehearsals. She complained that she’d be unable to dance the Jive because, “You try and hop on a leg that’s like concrete and the other leg bounces up and down like a trampoline.” Pro-celebrity ballroom continues to push at the television envelope.

Heather needed help. So she decided to go and see the prosthestist for relief.

Cameras followed Heather to the leg shop. Heather was seen being fitted with a new, “special” leg. There were adjustments and tightening. This leg would now allow her to dance and bounce with ease.

Now see Heather cartwheel like a besequinned Long John Silver. And hear Judge Bruno Tonioli called her “the incredible Heather Mills”: “One, two, three legs, I don’t care how many – you did a fantastic job”, says he.

Like TB, we wonder if Heather’s legs are playing within the rules. Can other dancers on the show get refitted for limbs? Can a pogo stick be used?

Can you get a replacement for two left feet…

Posted: 3rd, April 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (5)

American Idol And Sanjaya Malakar – A Howard Stern Creation

stern.jpgHOWARD Stern says vote for Sanjaya Malakar – his Sanjaya Malakar.

As Tabloid Baby writes, ever since Howard Stern dropped off the pop culture radar screen when he took a huge lump of money and ran off to satellite radio, he’s relied on a powerful PR company to keep his name in the news.

Whether it’s an engagement to his girlfriend (just in time, as her popularity is surpassing his), or cruelly sending out his besotted sidekick Artie Lange on a public Belushi-Farley death tour, Howard has become a silent gossip item who can’t overcome the impression that he’ll need to return to free radio in one form or another.

And now he’s claiming to be influencing American Idol by promoting a website that urges people to vote for Sanjaya Malakar. And, with his powerful PR company, the claim that no one got to hear on the radio gets front page placement today in the New York Times!

“We’re corrupting the entire thing,” Mr. Stern said on his pay show Thursday, the day after Sanjaya secured a place in the top nine. “All of us are routing American Idol. It’s so great. The No. 1 show in television and it’s getting ruined.”

Bullshit! Continue reading the article and you’ll see that Howard’s claims are refuted… while the stately New York Times supports Tabloid Baby’s exclusive report that India is keeping Sanjaya in the contest!

Howard’s claims that he influenced the voting are based on the fact that Sanjaya bounced out of the bottom three on March 19 – but that was the day after his extraordinary, mind-blowing, crying girl performance of The Kink’s “You Really Got Me” (which has already made it onto Tabloid Baby’s list of the Top 50 TV Moments of All Time).

And although it used Howard as the hook for its article, The Times gives a different analysis of the appeal of “Mr. Malakar, who at 17 looks like a 1970s pop star of the David Cassidy/Bobby Sherman/Andy Gibb variety… (and) is perhaps the most talked-about Idol contestant ever:

“A number of those voting for Mr. Malakar may be genuine fans, many of them in the pre- and early-teenage brackets, to judge from posts on a number of Internet bulletin boards dedicated to the show.

“But the fans also include older women and Indian-Americans, and Mr. Malakar’s progress is being tracked voraciously by Indian newspapers in both the United States and India…”

A Fox spokeswoman dismissed Howard’s claims, just as executive producer Nigel Lythgoe shrugged off the website last week.

So why did The New York Times write an article that featured Howard Stern? Well, the LA Times was scandalized recently over an editor’s romance with a woman who does PR for Brian Grazer. What’s the Sirius-Times connection?

Tabloid Baby

Posted: 31st, March 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (4)

Chris Sligh Bible Bashed And Sanjaya Malakar Is American Idol

chrishaley.jpgAMERICAN Idol continues to work towards its inevitable conclusion – whispering Sanjaya Malakar’s annointment as the new false deity of reality TV singing contests.

And that reality gets one step nearer as Chris Sligh is eliminated from the American Idol Top Ten.

Tabloid Baby wonders how “the out-of-breath doughboy with the mop of curls” failed to trounce Sanjaya’s Desi factor. Sligh garnered the support of the “Southern-based voting bloc – and that could be because many had damned him for making it to Idol in the first place.”

As TB tells us, Chris’s music is not founded in “an indie, alternative-rock background’, but the Christian music scene.

Chris never advertised his Christian background. But his roots are without question. “Chris is the son of Christian missionaries, spent much of his childhood overseas, attended the conservative fundamentalist Bob Jones University, and was a favourite of the influential Gospel Music Association.”

To put a tin lid on it, Chris performs as part of the Seacoast Church “praise band” in Greenville, South Carolina.

There is nothing untoward in this, of course. The voice is the voice, and which American singer does not thank God for giving them the gift as they accept a gong and tap their heart.

american-idol.jpgBut it is Chris’s misfortune to have been misunderstood by the people whose votes would have kept him on the show.

As TB says, he’s been the target of backlash because he recently began performing mainstream (The Devil’s) pop music.

Anorak’s man in Los Angeles hears Jonathan Pait, spokesman for the Bob Jones school, say: “We really are somewhat disappointed with the direction he has gone musically.”

“Well, TB and Idol voters are also disappointed with Chris’ direction – into bland pop music and apologies (to Simon, and for his singing).”

And there is Sting, whose songs the agonists were invited to sing. As TB says: “And let it be a lesson to future Idol contestants: Keep away from that satanic yogic lute-playing (and Studio 60 on The Sunset Strip guest star), Sting. Both Chris and Phil ‘Bat Boy’ Stacy sang boring Sting songs. Both wound up in the bottom three.”

And here comes Sanjaya. No need to sing. The show’s music maestros have let him perform “De Do Do Do De Da Da Da.” Can Sanjaya fail? The only danger is that no-one hears him. But then he’d still beat Chris and Stacy…

Tabloid Baby

Posted: 30th, March 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (3)

American Idol’s Sanjaya Malakar Causes More Outrage Than Heather Mills

sanjayafauxhawk.jpgFORGET Heather Mills doing backflips on Dancing with The Stars with a bionic leg. There’s real outrage this afternoon over Sanjaya Malakar’s performance on American Idol last night (see his performance here).

 The Chicago Sun-Times writes of death threats against an ironic Sanjaya promoter, USA Today writes that Idol’s “credibility” may be at stake, and the L.A. Times suggests he “made a mockery” of the show and compares him to a prisoner at Guantanamo!

“Surely Sanjaya is aware… of the counter-Idol movements that are promoting him. Has he taken up their banner as Idol’s anti-hero? If so, this introduces a toxic element which has never been unleashed on the Idol stage.

“Another factor… if it is true… that Blake, the Chrises and Phil Stacey are all roommates, this means that in the guys’ dorm, the surviving gentlemen contestants are all in one room together – except Sanjaya, who then would be in a room by himself.

“…So we can visualize the specter of Sanjaya, after watching his roommates be killed off one by one, sitting along in his cavernous, cold, bare dorm room while the cool kids party down the hall, surfing the web and seeing how one girl is starving herself demanding he be kicked off while at the same time he has become a hero to a generation of Idol haters. . . . you don’t need to be a Carl Jung, just someone who reads enough comic books, to know that this is how super-villains are born…”

Ah… and what of the Desi factor… and suspicions that he’s remained on the show thanks to automated call centers in India?

Uber Desi, the website tagged as a prime mover on that front, has offered sharply-debated denials – but the most interesting clue appears today:

Update: The number to vote for Sanjaya this week is 1-800-IDOLS-04. Remember you can vote as many times as you can dial till 2 hours after the show concludes.

Meanwhile, Dial Idol has him in the Top 4 right now… so who’s behind it?

C’mon. We like conspiracy theories as much as, and more than, the next guy. But in Sanjaya’s case, his appeal seems obvious. Amid the big diva belters, boy band scale riders and karaoke wannabes, Sanjaya looks like a teen idol. He’s got a twisted charisma. Every week, he gives the audience something to look forward to.

And for two weeks in a row, he’s made us laugh out loud!

For Idol, he’s good for ratings. He’s helped people forget Antonella Barba. Yes, he seems to have taken the hate to heart. But he won’t be around forever. Soon the producers will clear the decks to give attention to the big charity event. And they’ll turn to the Indian call centers in India to pump up the vote against him.

Tabloid Baby

Posted: 28th, March 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (5)

Kyran Bracken – The Dancing On Ice Man Cometh

dancing-on-ice.jpgFOR those of you who said a rugby player would never win a televised pro-celebrity dance contest we present Kyran Bracken.

Former England player Kyran, pictured in Hello! with his wife Victoria, knows to expect the unexpected.

“It’s pretty hard to believe, isn’t it,” says he. “If you’d told me on the first day on the ice last November that all this would happen, I would have laughed my head off. “

When Matt Dawson, Kyran’s old England colleague, came runner-up to former England cricketer Mark Ramprakash in Strictly Come Dancing we thought rugby players had gone as far as they could go. “I watched Matt on TV and always voted for him,” says Bracken.

Suitably inspired, Bracken won the Dancing on Ice show and then took the title of Champion of Champions, seeing off the might of series 2 runner-up Claire Buckfield, amateur skater, actress and former girlfriend long term fiancé Declan Donnelly, of TV duo Ant & Dec.

“I’d say the whole experience has been surreal…” says Bracken’s wife Victoria. “I was keen for him to give it a go because it was his chance to bridge the gap between the end of his sporting career and whatever lies ahead.”

Now what lies ahead is a career on the pro-celebrity ice circuit. Bracken is all set to go on a nationwide Dancing on Ice tour.

And he knows what to expect. “The buzz and adrenalin rush I felt whenever I ran out at Twickenham to play for England came back to me before I stepped out on the ice in the final,” say Kyran.

Then victory. And with it the spoils – Kyran has been invited to open a new ice rink.

Great days in sport – may they never end…

Posted: 28th, March 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Jordan ‘n’ Peter Are America’s New Posh ‘n’ Becks

jordan_72.jpgPOSH ‘n’ Becks, Ant ‘n’ Dec and now Jordan ‘n’ Peter Andre are heading to the United States. Tabloid ‘n’ Baby takes a look.

UH oh. First Ant & Dec and now this.

It looks as if NBC has opened the floodgates with its bright idea of pouring millions into a reality show starring a pair of British tabloid celebrities no one in America gives a toss about. Months before the launch of the summer series starring Skinny Spice and David Beckham, E! Entertainment is throwing up a retread, starring another vacuous plastic surgery-enhanced UK tabloid couple unknown on these shores.

E!’s bought up the rights to the UK series Katie and Peter, which follows the romance of a pair who fell in love while competing on I’m A Celebrity! Get Me Out of Here!, and then, like Peter Brady and that messed-up Top Model winner who met on The Surreal Life, turned their romance into a reality series. The only difference is that Katie and Peter allowed full access into their empty lives, including their engagement, wedding and birth of their first child.

Katie is Katie Price, a model who for some reason is also known as “Jordan,” is a tabloid celeb best known for her artificial breasts, sexual relationships with footballers and boy band singers, abortions, miscarriages, topless pix, appearances in Playboy – and a sex video.

Peter is Peter André, sort of a straight George Michael with less talent: a Greek Australian pop crooner who had some success in the UK, but had faded into obscurity by the time he hooked up with the desert island reality show.

The couple taped three seasons and even received a BBC award as The Most Annoying Couple of 2006.

E! plans to air at least 22 episodes beginning April 21st. The show will be paired with The Girls Next Door (good tie-in – Katie, as Jordan, was a Hefner fave and, at his invitation, lived in the mansion for a few weeks in 2002). And, perhaps as a warning, E! exec Cyndi McClellan says British celebrity couples are literally lining up to tape reality shows that will introduce them to US audiences.

Just don’t expect the same level of access or reality from the Beckhams. The NBC series is being quietly scripted as a comedy, and word is they’ve even cast someone to “play” a bodyguard in order to inject some drama and conflict into their dreary British lives.

Posted: 27th, March 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (4)

No Money Shot – All Change For Alan Sugar & The Apprentice

sugar.jpg“I’M not going to dignify that,” says Sir Alan Sugar of The Apprentice repute.

The dignity of The Apprentice might not be immediately obvious to the viewers at home, looking on as wannabe suits try to flog pizzas and, if that fails, conjure up a Plan B scheme to secure funding on the Dragon’s Den. But dignity is there.

And in conversation with the Mirror, Sugar will not dignity with an answer the Mirror’s question: Which of the new candidates has impressed him so far?

But surely the must be an improvement on last year’s batch? As Sugar tells the paper: “They just weren’t very good, generally. And that’s because the producers didn’t ask for my input.”

But this show is always going to be a problem. If these people are so talented at business why are they jumping through hoops for Sugar’s £100,000 a year? And we never know if the winner makes money for Sugar’s business. We never see if his judgement is sound. We never see the money shot.

“It’s safe to say that television producers don’t know much about business,” says Sugar.

Sugar does know business. Sugar knows that having to pay out £100,000 in salary to an untalented reality TV show winner is a small price to pay for so much publicity.

But this time it’s been different. Sugar says the new producers have listened to him. “I gave them a repertoire of how to talk to people, questions to ask, how to probe, how to look into the CVs to get the real truth about what the candidates have done and find out if they’re a pack of lies.”

And the producers look and go for the blonder, more photogenic contestants? No. If there is one thing Sugar hates it is wannabe corporate employees using his reality TV show to advance their TV careers.

Michelle Dewberry (show winner) appeared on Celebrity Scissorhands. Saira Khan (runner-up) is a professional Asian in the media. Paul Torrisi presents property shows on UKTV. Syed Ahmed dangled from a trapeze on Cirque de Celebrite.

“The tacky end of the telly market needs minus-Z-list celebrities to participate in various things,” says Sugar. “And there’s no end of supply of these people who want to be seen on television.”

It’s the pile it high and sell it cheap approach to broadcasting. And Alan Sugar is here to help…

Posted: 26th, March 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Heather Mills Shakes A Leg On Dancing With The Stars

mills-leg.jpgHEATHER Mills continues to qualify for a disabled parking permit over her and partake in pro-celebrity dancing over there.

Mills is a woman who is all things to all men.

And the Star looks on as she tells American chat show host Jay Leno of her plans.

As is known, Heather is currently starring in Dancing With The Stars, America’s answer to Strictly Come Dancing.

It’s just about the biggest pro-celebrity dance shows on the box right now, and Heather plans to give it her full attention.

As she tells Leno: “I’ve bet a few hundred dollars it’s not going to come off – so I’ll win some money.”

Heather is not referring to her dress, nor her bra and knickers. Some shock to fans of Heather’s past work, notably Die Freuden Der Liebe, a study in Anglo-German relations and baby oil. But, as we say, Heather is all things to all men. She’s talking of her prosthetic leg.

Heather goes on: “Most of the nation was watching to see if my leg would fly off. That’s why I’ve got this strap on it.”

At which point, we were back in the old days as Heather lifted up her leg to give publishers and adolescent boys a hint of what might have occurred in mills-leg.jpg Zwei.

Posted: 23rd, March 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (3)

The Apprentice – Alan Sugar’s New Marketing Staff

apprentice.jpgWHAT if the contestants on Celebrity Love Island never left?

Impossible, say you. Without them what would the Star do for news and who would appear on Channel 4’s 100 Best Reality TV rows? Hell, who would keep the rehab business afloat?

But just imagine if each year the new coterie of celebs were greeted on the island by last year’s batch? Every year, Big Brother just got bigger? That patch of I’m A Celebrity jungle expanded year on year. Pro-celebrity dancers never stopped moving to the music but formed an ever-lengthening Conga line?

And what would Alan Sugar do with the pushy, fame-hungry wannabes who appear on his The Apprentice show? Can he have more than one apprentice?

But Sugar need not worry. As the Telegraph reports, Tim Campbell, hired in 2005, is leaving Sugar’s company.

Campbell, a former London Transport manager, and therefore right to fear that he is unemployable in the greater world, was given a job in the health and beauty department of Sir Alan’s electronics firm Amstrad.

This not a joke. Sugar does not joke. We give little succour to the malicious rumour that Sugar invented a division in order to ensure his newest recruit was kept as far removed from the actual business of flogging discount electronics as possible.

Campbell was given the job on merit. And he stayed a while. But they don’t all last so long. As the paper notes, last year’s winner, the flirty, watery blonde Michelle Dewberry, lasted only a few months in the job. She left to set up her own eponymous consultancy.

Now Campbell is leaving. As the Telegraph tells us, he’s setting up a male grooming business and a social enterprise initiative to help entrepreneurs.

apprentice_winner.jpgThis leaves the way open for a new Apprentice. Says Sir Allan: “Last year I wasn’t particularly impressed with the calibre of candidates. I always have the problem of wondering if they are here for the right reasons.”

What the right reasons are is anyone’s guess – just as we can speculate on why Sugar would perform in such a show.

All we say is may the candidate who won’t stick it out win.

As reported by the Independent, the wannabes, never-will-bes and never-could-bes are:

“* Tre Azam, 27, from Loughton, Essex, a marketing and design consultant.

* Katie Hopkins, 31, from Exeter, a single mother-of-two and global brand consultant.

* Kristina Grimes, 36, from Harrogate, a pharmaceutical sales manager and a “ruthless single mother”.

* Rory Laing, 27, from Bristol, a waiter and bankrupt entrepreneur who employed ex-public school pupils including Kate Middleton for the Henley regatta.

* Lohit Kalburgi, 25, from London, a telecoms manager born in the United Arab Emirates.

* Adam Hosker, 27, from Lancashire, a car sales manager.Lives with wife and children in Blackburn.

* Natalie Wood, 29, from Upminster, Essex, represented England in swimming as a teenager. The mother-of-two has worked in the City.

* Paul Callaghan, 27, from Southampton, an ex-Army lieutenant who graduated from Sandhurst and spent six months serving in Basra.

* Jadine Johnson, 27, from Harrow, Middlesex, a financial adviser and single mother.

* Gerri Blackwood, 33, from Woking, Surrey, a transport development manager. Turned down a job at MI5 for The Apprentice.

* Dr Sophie Kain, 32, from Llanellen, Wales, a research scientist for aviation firm “who doesn’t suffer fools gladly”.

* Ifti Chaudri, 33, from Egham, Surrey, a company director of tile business. Applying to join the 2012 Olympic team.

* Andy Jackson, 36, from Leeds, a car sales manager now living in Kirriemuir in Scotland.

* Ghazal Asif, 23, from Glasgow, a business development manager. Speaks five languages.

* Naomi Lay, 26, from Cornwall, an advertising sales manager. Has run both the New York and London marathons.

* Simon Ambrose, 27, from Clapham, south London, a former investment banker, runs internet-based businesses.”

Posted: 22nd, March 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (3)

Sanjaya Malakar Makes American Idol Weep

sanjaya_rocks.jpgAMERICAN Idol’s Sanjaya Malakar stopped whispering.

Who needs call centres in India? asks Tabloid Baby. Sanjaya Malakar’s unexpectedly uninhibited and totally bizarre performance last night, aided by a deft director who kept cutting to a little girl who’d been weeping through the entire show (a tribute to the evening’s British Invasion theme, of course) was one of the most memorable moments in American Idol history.

And despite the best efforts of the judges to sway the votes, Sanjaya would seem to be a lock for a place in the Final 10, and upcoming Idol concert tour and album. (Too bad for Phil “Bat Boy” Stacey, who reminds us of a big kid from the Make A Wish Foundation.)

Sanjaya’s explosion comes amid a furious refutation from one of the Indiacentric websites that led to our exclusive report about suspicions that Sanjaya’s voting bloc was the Desi (South Asian) community here and outsourced call centres in India.

In the days after our report was picked up by media around world, Uberdesi writes:

First off, AI cannot be broadcast LIVE in India. Everything is time-delayed… It is highly improbable for a TV to be present in a call centre environment; do you watch reality programming when you are at your job? Even if there is a TV that did broadcast an American Channel, AI would be broadcast at the wee hours of the morning.

“The time difference would mean that the show should be available at approximately 6:30 / 7:30 AM for it to be live. But from Star World’s online schedule it plays at 10 am on Thursday, which makes it 11:30 P.M. Central Time and at 8 P.M. on Wednesday, which would be 9:30 P.M Central Time Tuesday night This also happens to be the busiest time for call centres, considering the calls they have to make to the west coast.

“Think of all those telemarketing calls you receive every night when you sit down at the dinner table; if those cunning Indians were stuffing a virtual ballot box for someone who isn’t even really one of their own, would they have time to annoy you?”

We’ll know more after tonight’s results show. That Peter Noone turned out to be a good mentor after all…

Tabloid Baby

Posted: 21st, March 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)

A Gay American Idol – Melinda Dolittle More Talent Than Antonella

melinda-dolittle.jpgAMERICAN Idol continues its long trawl for talent. Antonella Barba had talent, but of the wrong sort for this show.

Sanjaya Malakar has talent and should his nascent career as America’s leading whisperer fail to prosper he can combine his act with his Phil Spector impersonation to become a truly unique performer.

But there is singing talent on the show. And it’s name is Melinda Doolittle.

As Tabloid Baby notes, Melinda may not have much by way of neck, but again she showed tonight that she’s head and shoulders above the other finalists on American Idol.

Melinda, of course, is a professional. She makes a living as a background singer. She comes with a vocal coach and stylist. At 29, she’s the oldest contestant, and despite her shy onstage demeanor, she obviously knows who she is. But how soon until America gets the hint?

In the latest episode dedicated to the rock ‘n’ rolling British Invasion of the Sixties, Melinda chose “As Long As He Needs Me” fro the musical Oliver. But in the opening line, sitting on the lip of the stage, she quite clearly enunciated, “As long as she needs me,” before switching back to “he” for the rest of the song.

Will America have its first openly-gay Idol here? A few weeks back, Melinda sang the gay anthem, “My Funny Valentine” and dedicated it her two “closest” female friends, whom she called her “Gayles” – as in “gay girls” – or as she explained, “Gayle King,” the woman long rumoured to be Oprah Winfrey’s lover (Melinda said she’s the Oprah in the triangle). And two weeks ago, she made her mark with a strutting “I’m A Woman.”

Tonight, she laid it all out. And was that a (Oprah’s longtime alleged boyfriend) Stedman Graham joke when she held onto the line: “I’ll cling on… sted-fast-ly…”?

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

But whether Melinda the professional is merely reaching for a voting demographic, has an Oprah jones, or playing it loud and proud… we’d say it doesn’t matter! It’s about time we had a gay Idol!

The real issue is whether Melinda, as a professional, should be in the contest to begin with. Because every time she sings, she’s so much better than the others…

But how about that Sanjaya? He deserves to stay another week! Whisper it…

According to American Idol, the 1960s British Invasion was epitomised by these tunes:

Haley Scarnato – “Tell Him” by The Exciters.
Chris Richardson – “Don’t Let The Sun Catch You Crying” by Gerry and the Pacemakers.
Stephanie Edwards – “You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me” by Dusty Springfield.
Blake Lewis – “Time Of The Season” by the Zombies. He beatboxes at the start. (probably kinda like the record).
Lakisha Jones – “Diamonds are Forever,” Shirley Bassey (from the Bond movie).
Phil Stacey – “Tobacco Road” by The Nashville Teens.
Jordin Sparks – “I Who Have Nothing” by Tom Jones.
Sanjaya Malakar – “You Really Got Me” by the Kinks. (EEP!)
Gina Glocksen – “Paint it Black” by the Rolling Stones.
Chris Sligh – “She’s Not There” by the Zombies
Melinda Doolittle – “As Long as He Needs Me” from the musical “Oliver!”

Posted: 21st, March 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (25)

Heather Mills Dances With The Stars

PSSSST! Wanna see a one-legged woman dance, dance, dance?

No, Heather Mills is not appearing topless – not this time. Dancing With The Stars is a family show, and Heather is a family girl – albeit from a family soon-to-be reduced in size.

Here she comes… Take it away Hea-ther Millssssssss. A one and a one and a one…

Posted: 20th, March 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (3)

Heather Mills Is “Whorible” On Dancing With The Stars

heather21.jpgHeather Mills begins Dancing With The Stars and we see what went on.

ABC fulfilled its part of the bargain with Heather Mills’ appearance on Dancing with the Stars last night.

The woman known in most of the English-speaking world as the hard-boiled, attention-grabbing fantasist who married Paul McCartney in his lowest hour, then played dirty pool in her effort to fleece him in divorce, is now “an inspiration”… with “more guts than Rambo”… and, drummed over and over again… not a gold-digging former porn model and alleged call girl… but a “charity campaigner.”

McCartney’s name was never uttered. Whether that’s due to lawyers’ letters or part of the plan to present Heather as blank slate syndicated talk show candidate, the show’s “first performer with an artificial limb” was presented as an odd celebrity without portfolio (and without the lower part of her left leg).

The familiar Heather only showed up between the lines: the way she twisted her face and talked out of the side of her mouth like Dick Cheney… her disingenuous claim that she was “not used to dressing up at this level” in her “ice cream sundae” gown– followed by cohost Samantha Harris’ quip, “Somebody get her some whipped cream” (obviously forgetting Heather’s porny —NSFW— photos)… and Heather’s line to the judges: “Just don’t ask me to point that foot! If you can point it, I’ll give you a million dollars.” After the McCartney settlement, she can afford to throw around a million bucks.

Not everyone bought into the new Heather. The Dancing with the Stars message boards were filled with anti-Heather postings:

“Is there anyone besides me who has a problem with a former call girl who posed nude in sexual situations now being called a ‘charity campaigner’ and hero for the disabled? Why would ABC put a person like this on a family show? Her nude shots (with a man) are available to anyone who can google, including my friend’s older teenagers who were pulling up the pictures and laughing at them as she danced. In the UK she has a disabled parking badge. In the US she is dancing and doing high kicks.”

“She is whorible”

“Judge her harshly? Are you crazy? She’s being judged for being a gold digger and trying very hard to screw Sir Paul McCartney! Don’t you read the news??? Jeez…”

“I, for one, am appalled that she is trying to make herself out to be something she’s not right now. And I will not watch the show until she is OFF! Shame on ABC!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Thirty-nine year-old Heather and her partner wound up in the middle of the pack, placing seventh with eighteen points. The gambling site is among those taking bets on whether Heather’s artificial leg will at one point fly off during the competition.

Tabloid Baby

Posted: 20th, March 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (8)

Phil Spector Wears American Idol’s Sanjaya Malakar


AMERICAN Idol’s Sanjaya Malakar is Phil Spector’s alter ego?

Wall of Hair pop music producer Phil Spector sported a new coif as jury selection began in his murder trial today.

Spector, in court to defend his name in the shooting dead of actress Lana Clarkson at his Los Angeles home four years ago – arrived at the Los Angeles Superior Court looking every inch the International Man of Mystery.


But Spector is not Austin Powers. Spector is Sanjaya Malakar, who each week stands accused of murdering another song on American Idol.

Tabloid Baby spots the trend and wonders what Sanjaya will have in store for the American Idol judges next week.


Posted: 20th, March 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)

American Idol’s Sanjaya Dials The Apprentice’s Surya

sanjayavotes-2.jpgSURYA Yamanchili, in his final hours as the most-recently fired Apprentice candidate, is the latest to weigh in on the worldwide debate over our report on suspicions that Sanjaya Malakar’s stay on American Idol is being extended by bloc voting in India – specifically from workers and technology in outsourced call centers in cities like New Delhi. writes Tabloid Baby.

Surya, like Sanjaya, is a hero to the Desi community because of his prominence on an American reality TV series (Indian-American couple Vipul and Arti Patel didn’t make it past the first episode of last season’s Amazing Race). He doesn’t buy the theory.

“What the hell?” he writes us. “This seems pretty idiotic to me. There are no facts supporting it all – just total speculation. Why don’t they just speculate that Martians are voting for him because Martians consider themselves Asian?”

Hard-core rap fan Surya (who, like Sanjaya, was born in the USA) admits, “I haven’t followed Idol. I think the fact that you can ‘manufacture’ a pop music star on national TV is proof what shit most pop music is today! Although I think if I watched the show, I’d probably like it!”

The story was based on a wave of Internet chatter on Indian and Desi blog and news sites. Since it’s been picked up around the world, new suspicions and theories have emerged.

But the potential scandal has picked up even more traction and debate in the UK, where anti-Asian bias is more of a problem, and became a national scandal amid charges of racism on Celebrity Big Brother.

Read about it here.

Posted: 18th, March 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (6)

Antonella Barba Bites American Idol’s Big One

antonellabarbabites.jpgPICTURES of American Idol wannabe Antonella Barba warming up her tonsils in unconventional style have made her a star in the US.

And now that Antonella has been booted from the show, she uses her mouth to tell People magazine how it feels.

As with all reality TV shows there are shocks as talent is forsaken for something less. The show has cast a spotlight on one Sanjaya Malakar, a teenager who would whisper if he only spoke up a bit.

We had thought Antonella would progress far, past third, fourth and even fifth base. Antonella would go all the way.

But it was not to be. And now she tells us: “All that other stuff was completely irrelevant to the fact that I’m here to sing.”

And so it was – which is hard luck on Antonella who may have expected something else. Because, as People says, there is no such thing as bad publicity. Right?

“Yes, it’s true that my name is more well-known because of it, but I’m not known for the things that I would like to be known for right now,” says Antonella. She says that “the pictures are irrelevant to me as an artist”.

And: “I wanted to make a name for myself in singing. The pictures that have been released of me – the ones that actually are me – they were very personal and that is not how I intended to portray myself. I’d rather promote myself in a more classy way. And, again, that was private – that was not for the public eye.”

Antonella’s mistake seems to have been to stray from the celebrity guide – the straight-to-internet, X-rated stuff coincides with a mid-career dip career and not at fame’s apogee.

So what now for Antonella? People hears of an offer to pose for Playboy, which she denies.

But People wants to know if she’d do it?

“No,” she replies. “Right now I want to look at all the offers I get and sort out what’s best for me right now. I’m definitely not opposed to acting or modelling or something.”

As she said after the show: “I’d love to do all three, act, model, and sing. I’m definitely willing to sort out the offers I get and figure out what’s best for me.”

We are sure there will no shortage of offers for Antonella. And, who knows, someone may even want her to sing…

Posted: 12th, March 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (12)

Antonella Barba – Porn Idol

antonella-barba-porn-idol.jpgAmerican Idol’s Antonella Barba – an open letter…

“I FEEL for you, cause you’ve taken a lot of stick in the media. I think you’ve handled yourself well throughout, and I don’t think anyone should be put in that situation. But I’m not going to patronize you here…”

As the situation mushrooms from a naughty half-naked photo scandal to charges of discrimination, racism, favoritism, unpatriotism and porn-peddling immorality behind the scenes of America’s top television show, the Antonella Barba scandal finally got a mention on American Idol last night.

Simon Cowell stepped gingerly around the controversy while doing his best to subliminally order viewers to vote the poor thing out before things get even farther out of hand. His comments to Antonella after she managed to mangle a Corinne Bailey Rae easy-listening Starbucks staple constituted a gracious kiss-off to the worst remaining female singer.

Antonella, true to form, didn’t get it.

Said Simon: “You’ve gone as far as you can go, Antonella. I mean, the reality is, and I think you know this yourself, which is, you are surrounded by some pretty amazing girl singers. And I don’t know how much more you can do, to be honest with you, because I don’t think your voice is going to get any better.

“I feel for you, cause you’ve taken a lot of stick in the media. I think you’ve handled yourself well throughout, and I don’t think anyone should be put in that situation. But I’m not going to patronize you here. It wasn’t your worst, we’ve heard you sound worse, but I just have a problem here, which is I just wish you could sing better.”

As she did last week, Antonella responded to the criticism by challenging it. She said, in part:

”I know I’m surrounded by really talented people and I think that I’m just, I have a different style than them and I’m not trying to compare myself to anyone else and I with the judges wouldn’t compare me to anyone else because I try to be myself… We’re all different, we’re all unique.”

Two gals and two guys will be eliminated tonight at 8. Our money is on Antonella hanging in. And if she does, don’t be surprised if “someone” leaks more-explicit photos that they’ve been holding back, so Idol producers have no choice but to ask her to leave the competition.

Posted: 8th, March 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Porn Idol Antonella Barba’s Past

porn-idol-antonella-barbas-past.jpgOH well. We can’t say we’re surprised, but it looks like the scandal over American Idol contestant Antonella Barba’s photographic past has come to a head even quicker than we’d expected.

The website I Don’t Like You In That Way has come up with some photos that allegedly show the exhibitionistic Antonella in an act of sexual intimacy.

We don’t have independent confirmation, but the site has been on top of the photo scandal, and matches the sex shot at left with another Antonella pic for eyebrow, eye and nose comparisons. We won’t show you her mouth.

Should the latest pictures (NSFW!) indeed depict the 20-year-old from New Jersey, they’ll probably guarantee that she’ll soon be leaving the Idol stage for a lucrative new career. For now, Idol E.P. Nigel Lithgoe says he hasn’t seen the latest snaps. ”We have really good background checks on everybody, and we deal with that every season,” he adds. ”It’s sad, isn’t it, that your best friends are the ones that come forward with information that will go to Smoking Gun or put your photographs on the web?”

The Idon’tlikeyouinthatway group and all the other Antonella evidence – including teeth comparisons – are here…

Posted: 24th, February 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Maid For Gest

DAVID Gest is topless on the Star’s Page 3.

Let it go on record that Gest, who has gone under the knife more times than the Christmas turkey, is not modelling his new breasts.

Dave’s breasts are his own. And if they have been shop bought we urge him to seek a refund, or more stuffing.

And it will not end with the top. Gest is to be “stripped bare” in a stitches-and-all documentary on his life. The star has signed a £500,000 deal to have his life broadcast on ITV.

Gest says the show will “be an absolute blast with nothing hidden”.

By way of a preludial glance at the show, the Star introduces us to David’s maid Vaginica Caeman and her lovely daughters Beulahbelle and Clitina.

Vaginica and Clitina are sure to make headlines. “I can’t wait for everyone to meet Vaginica and her daughters in the flesh. They’re larger than life in every sense.”

And this is not all. The self-confessed pal of Michael Jackson’s is to appear on the pro-celebrity singing contest Soapstar Superstar. “I’m not going to the show to pick my nose,” says Dave, in an unmasked reference to cosmetic surgery and the aforesaid Jackson, “I’m going to pick a star.”

Clitina – the stage is yours…

Posted: 11th, January 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Leona Lewis – The Farewell Tour

LEONA Lewis everyone.

This is the first interview with the winner of TV’s X Factor talent show, says the Star. Leona is the winner of the TV contest to find the heir to past winner Steve Brookstein. And she has much to say.

And she’d like to begin by saying goodbye. As the Star says, Leona is to quit the UK and head off to find fame and a £50m fortune in the United States.

"I’m off to USA", comes the headline inside the paper." I know I can make it," says Leona.

So it is that the woman with the fastest downloaded single ever, the 21-year-old former receptionist (Star) and pizza worker (Mirror) from London, is leaving us at the apogee of her fame.

"I feel like my dream has come true," says Leona, "the dream I’ve been dreaming since a little girl has come true."

Yes, she is off to America. It is the dream for many of us. Foreingers usually either need a Green Card to live in the land of dreams or to be suspected of being part of a global terror plot. But all Leona needs is her voice.

And not just her voice but training too. As is the way with TV talent shows that make stars of the unknown, Leona went to stage school, namely the £2,500-a-term Sylvia Young stage school in London, as the Mail notes. Although in the Express this becomes the £9,000-a-year Italia Conti stage school. Plus ca change.

So Leona is on her way.

Goodbye, Leona. Farewell. Cut a record. Break a leg. It was nice knowing you…

Posted: 18th, December 2006 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

The Ordinary Boy King

WHEN Matt Willis was presented with that hollowed out coconut and broken oar his life changed.

No longer would Matt be Matt from Busted. He was now Matt, the celebrity you ate a kangaroo’s arse on the telly and chased it down with a crocodile’s penis.

Matt had arrived.

And now he’s spilling his guts to the Star, telling the paper that he has no plans to be the new Preston, the singer from The Ordinary Boys who met Chantelle Houghton on Celebrity Big Brother.

Before his CBB appearance, Preston had had one hit record. Since then he has still had one hit record, but extended his range with a number of showbiz magazine photospreads, a wedding to Chantelle and any number of tight jackets and comfy knits. In this process, he has made, by Matt’s estimations, £3million.

Matt sees Preston’s life as a cautionary tale. As he says: “It’s been said I’ll earn £5m, but there won’t be an autobiography or an ‘at home’ shoot with my girlfriend. I don’t want to be one of those people.”

Perish the thought. Incidentally, Matt’s album is out on Monday, and he would be pleased if you’d buy it. A fortune of £5m does not earn itself. He needs our help.

And he needs our money. As the Express reports, Matt is being sued for £20million by Ki Fitzgerald and Owen Doyle, who claim they formed the Busted group and had a hand in the group’s hits.

The plaintiffs were joined by Willis and James Bourne (also being sued) and finally dropped in favour of one Charlie Simpson. Success followed.

The paper says “legal experts” believe the lads are due £10million each, including royalties from the band’s “official biography”.

Yes, Matt’s life story has already made it to print. Why do it again?

It’s not like he needs the money…

Posted: 11th, December 2006 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Klass Is The Tops

“CAN you tell fake from real?”

That question to you, Sun readers studying the form of Myleene Klass.

For a second opinion, Sun readers can see Myleene two different bikinis, one yellow, and the other black.

So are they real? You may care to feel if the bra on Myleene’s white bikini, the one that so illuminated the I’m A Celebrity jungle. Is there a hint of wire? Or is Myleene supported by something else?

And you can get your hands on the white bikini for real.

The “big-hearted” beauty is auctioning off her outfit. And she wants the proceeds to pay for her boob job.

No, not really. Myleene – who says her breasts are natural – wants the money to go to customers of Farepack, the collapsed Christmas club.

“I don’t know how much the bikini will raise,” says she, “but I just wanted to do my bit and hope it helps.”

And she is not the only bestowing Christmas cheer on one and all. The Star leads with Aisleyne, once of Big Brother. “If a guy smear chocolate all over my naked body, “I’m in heaven,” says Aisleyne.

She goes on:” Five times a night is normal as far as I’m concerned. Plus being double-joined in my legs means I can do sexual positions other girls can’t.”

Indeed, not everyone can be as fortunate as Aisleyne. So she offers some advice.

“Show as much flesh as you’re comfortable with,” sys she. “ Show your legs or cleavage, but both is bit much”, sage advice illustrated by a shot of Aisleyne dressed in a strap of cotton and knickers.

But looking beyond that, we return to the question: “Can you tell fake from real?”

Take your time…

Posted: 5th, December 2006 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)



The front page of the Star promises much. Where other papers just have news and the odd Page 3 stunna, the Star offers the full multi-sensory experience.

Inside the paper, what promised so much is distilled into a picture of I’m A Celebrity… evictee Phina Oruche wearing a blue bikini and jumping into the air.

That’s the sex. What of the cocaine? “I think they were handing out cocaine to some of the stars, because all of a sudden people were laughing and running around doing head-stands,” says Phina. “Being a moral Christian I wouldn’t touch it. I don’t know what the others did, though.”

That’s moral Christians for you. (Perhaps this deep spirituality is why Phina speaks in tongues, switching between any number of accents in a single sentence.)

The show needs spice. And to solicit the contestants do entertain, Phina tells us that the producers offered them bribes.

“Every night they’d promise us a cookie or a chocolate brownie or a cup of coffee if we spilt the beans. They’d sat, ‘Tell us your carer highlights and we’ll give you a scone’.”

For some of the celebrities on the show getting a scone on I’m A Celebrity would be the standout career highlight.

So much for bribes and drugs. Let’s have another go at the sex. And read the Sun’s tale that Jan ‘Screaming’ Leeming will strip for Playboy if they offered her £250,000.

“My skin is not as taut as it used to be otherwise I would wear a bikini for the shoot,” she tells us.

No need. For a few pence Sun readers can see some tight skin in a bikini. It’s Myleene Klass and there are a further six page of the bikini with Myleene in it spread across the paper’s centre pages.

These are the “HIGH POINTS” of the show. “(That’s both of them…)”

Might it be that Myleene’s assets are the show’s true stars? And the cry will soon go out: “We’re The Celebrities…Get Us Out Of Here!”

For £250,000 ono…

Posted: 29th, November 2006 | In: TV & Radio | Comment