Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
ANOTHER gem from Morrissey’s new autobiography, Autobiography, is this wonderful little tale regaling the gladioli-whirling Smiths frontman’s incredibly brief encounter with one Eric Cantona in the foyer of a Parisian hotel…
FLASHBACK to 1981, and Heather O’Rourke is enjoying her first ever Barbie doll. Thanks to this doll, Heather was able to channel the full demonic experience in the guise of Carol Ann in Poltegeist. She also featured in 12 episodes of Happy Days.
“Act out every fantasy you can dream up” with Barbie, such as killing your loved ones, possessing your cat; eating the sofa…
It’s all in thsoe eeys:
PRINCE Harry is getting married to Cressida Bonas (fnar!). Well, so says heat magazine, which reveals:
“Harry’s been training in Iceland . . . and has fallen in love with the country. He wants to take Cressida to the famous Ice Hotel and then pop the question.”
VINYL bores are a terrible, terrible thing. However, some nice news is that vinyl sales are at a 10 year high. Driving demand are releases from Daft Punk, Arctic Monkeys and David Bowie (and a whole bunch of great compilations and reissues).
Figures are showing that records have crossed the half-million mark already in 2013, which is the first time that’s happened since 2003. Since last year, sales have doubled.
Naturally, the amount of records sold is rather modest, but still encouraging. Music fans have bought 550,000 records thus far, according to analysis of Official Charts Company data by recording industry body the BPI.
PETER Serafinowicz will now sing the first page of Morrissey’s autobiography:
IN November 1970, James Taylor, 22,appeared on the BBC in James Taylor Sings James Taylor. The first American signed to The Beatles’ Apple label, Taylor sang Carolina in My Mind with Paul McCartney and George Harrison.
“I just heard his voice and his guitar,” said McCartney, “and I thought he was great.”
ART Clokey creator of Gumby describes his experience on LSD, as prescribed by his psychiatrist. The medics said his therapy would go better if he took LSD and mescaline. He had visions. The world fade out to black. He saw a new world. He told the psychiatrist: “You’ve got the put his on television. This is fabulous.”
ALBUM of the year is Difficult Hits To Strip To. We look forward to More Difficult Hits to Strip to, featuring The Birdie Song, Agadoo, anything by Miley Cyrus (irony there), Gangnam Style, Cliff Richard’s Summer Holiday, Does your chewing gum lose its flavour? by Lonnie Donegan, Who Let the Dogs Out? by Baha Men, There’s No-one Quite Like Grandma by St. Winired’s School Choir and many, many more…
SO, Gary Barlow is quitting The X Factor is he? Naturally, that’s the most exciting thing that’s actually happened during this year’s oddly tedious talent show.
After three years as a judge, he’s decided that he’s going to go back to being a singer and poking at the ivories and hopefully never, ever covering Smells Like Teen Spirit again.
He’s not been too amazing on the show itself. After all, he’s the arsehole that thrust Frankie Cocozza and Christopher Maloney in our faces.
It begs the question – who can replace Gary Barlow?
I LOATHE the phrase ‘role model’. It’s not quite as annoying as ‘holistic’ but it comes close. Footballers have only got to spit out of turn or dry roast a glamour model and they are cast as bad role models. Who amde them good role models? No-one can be certain.
I was once on a Sky News show where the debate was about Kate Moss. Was she a good role model of all young girls. Well, she was a model, still is. Her role was in being a model who posed for magazines and got off her face. As such, I noted, she was very good at it. Young kids who wanted to grew up to take their clothes off for a living, wear someone else’s and get mullered could do a lot worse than take tips from Kate. The one note of warning was that they would not look as good as Kate. She can make the dry heaves, DTs and clammy skin look good.
BILL Cosby and his mind:
RIHANNA is enjoying travelling the world at the minute, filling up her Instagram account with all manner of photos from her travels. While in Thailand however, she managed to get someone arrested for obscenity.
The owner of a Thai bar got cuffed after RiRi turned up and proceeded to tweet about her night out. Which just happened to include a rather graphic sex show.
Boris Johnson race gaffe? London mayor tells Chinese Harry Potter’s Scottish lover Cho Chang was a foreigner
BORIS Johnson entered stage left and went into his usual act of being a hapless music hall entertainer stumbling upon sound policy. The London Mayor, for it is he, was appearing as Bozza at Peking University. In an effort to cement Sino-Anglo relations he noted that Harry Potter’s lover was Chinese:
…according to JK Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter novels, was Harry Potter’s first girlfriend? Who is the first person he kisses? That’s right, Cho Chang – who is a Chinese overseas student at Hogwarts school.
Ladies and gents I rest my case. I don’t think I need to argue any further, that is the future of Britain and of London.
STANLEY Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey was a film about… Well, what is about? In 1969, Kubrick told Joseph Gelmis:
You begin with an artifact left on earth four million years ago by extraterrestrial explorers who observed the behavior of the man-apes of the time and decided to influence their evolutionary progression. Then you have a second artifact buried deep on the lunar surface and programmed to signal word of man’s first baby steps into the universe—a kind of cosmic burglar alarm. And finally there’s a third artifact placed in orbit around Jupiter and waiting for the time when man has reached the outer rim of his own solar system.
When the surviving astronaut, Bowman, ultimately reaches Jupiter, this artifact sweeps him into a force field or star gate that hurls him on a journey through inner and outer space and finally transports him to another part of the galaxy, where he’s placed in a human zoo approximating a hospital terrestrial environment drawn out of his own dreams and imagination. In a timeless state, his life passes from middle age to senescence to death. He is reborn, an enhanced being, a star child, an angel, a superman, if you like, and returns to earth prepared for the next leap forward of man’s evolutionary destiny.
That is what happens on the film’s simplest level. Since an encounter with an advanced interstellar intelligence would be incomprehensible within our present earthbound frames of reference, reactions to it will have elements of philosophy and metaphysics that have nothing to do with the bare plot outline itself.
MADELEINE McCann: as yet the celebrities have been low on the ground in the hunt for the missing child. Operation Yewtree is not involved. But, then, the Guardian spotted Madonna:
Spotter: Pies, via @ChrisPolick
PANICKY TV chef Gordon Ramsay has been showing his body on Twitter. He looks hairless on body, very hairy of head and buff. Do you trust a buff chef more than you do a fat one?
NEWS is that… Well, we’ll let the BBC tell you:
Entertainer Uri Geller has commissioned a sculpture of a gorilla made from 5,000 spoons.
OH, the irony. Miley Cyrus is talking with the Sunday Times about twerking at the VMAs:
If there’s one thing that bothered her about the fallout, it was the idea that her performance was racist, or a “minstrel show”, because, critics argued, she appropriated a dance style common in black culture and used black back-up dancers like props. “I don’t keep my producers or dancers around ’cause it makes me look cool,” she says. “Those aren’t my ‘accessories’. They’re my homies.”
TO write I Am Malala: The Girl who Stood up for Education and Was Shot by the Taliban, Christina Lamb spent a year in Birmingham with Malala Yousafzai, the Pakistani girl shot by the Taliban. A few extracts from it. One notable fact is that her mother, Tor Pekai, is illiterate.
I had travelled up from London by train with her agent. As I am quickly to discover, there is a circus of people around Malala, including a leading PR company, an investment-banker friend of the family, do-good celebrities such as Angelina Jolie, and even former prime minister Gordon Brown, who hired Malala’s dad as an adviser to his own role as global education envoy for the UN. Everyone wants a part of her.
POSSIBLY the best Samuel L. Jackson picture ever:
BANKSY, the muralist, has been decorating walls in New York City. The locals can’y get enough of him. For a few dollars they’ll let you see his artwork.
capnyc took a video:
BREAKING BAD is a show that divides everyone straight down the middle. You’ve got people who haven’t seen it and you’ve got people who love it, constantly tweet about it and make everyone else hate it even more. There is no middle ground.
On the Mental And I Love It side of things, one fan spent $9,900 on the underpants worn by Walter White from Breaking Bad. One can assume that Walter White had more than one pair of undercrackers, but there you go.
The show collaborated with Sony Pictures and Screenbid to hold a 10-day auction, where fans could bid for all manner of things.
I’M really not sure that this is all that appropriate you know. Is overpriced golden blong really the way to celebrate the best of black and urban music at the MOBO Awards?
Because that’s what they’re doing:
Still, HTC has just announced a new model that’ll put their scarcity to shame: an 18 carat gold HTC One priced at £2,750 (about $4,400). Only five copies will be made to commemorate the 18th anniversary of the MOBO awards, which honors black artists and urban music in the UK. It’s the “most exclusive and expensive smartphone every produced by HTC,” according to MOBO, and features a MOBO 18 logo laser etched on the back.