Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
SO, The Brit Awards are due and London’s cocaine dealers are excitedly charging around like it’s Christmas morning. All the record industry, hangers-on, people off the telly and well connected interns will all get together for music’s work’s do, get absolutely leathered and expect us, the record buying prole-scum at home, to be nice to them on Twitter.
THE People newspaper says being bisexual is a lifestyle choice. The story begins with a picture of Lee Ryan, the priapic Blue singer.
It then moves to To Tom Daley:
UH-OH. Quentin Tarantino is declaring war on Hollywood after someone leaked the script for ‘Hateful Eight’. Only six people have seen the script itself, and Quentin is naming names. Bruce Dern is one and ‘Reservoir Dogs’ stars Tim Roth and Michael Madsen are two more.
He said: “I’m very, very depressed. I finished a script, a first draft, and I didn’t mean to shoot it until next winter, a year from now. I gave it to six people, and apparently it’s gotten out today. I like the fact that people like my shit, and that they go out of their way to find it and read it. But I gave it to six motherfucking people!”
NOEL Gallagher is no fan of pop music videos, particularly is own with Oasis. He hates videos. Language is NSFW:
“If you needed four guys to walk around in slow motion…we were the best at that…”
THE OCCULTISM explosion which overtook North America and Europe in the 1970s ushered in a level of national fascination that is hard to understand if you weren’t there. But, as with anything that experiences a surge in popularity, it becomes sabotaged by the Johnny-come-lately offerings riding the gravy train. In the blink of an eye, the wild taboo becomes irredeemably cheesy. Such is the territory we shall cover today…
10. THE KNEE OF LISTENING/ SHAVE WHILE YOU HALLUCINATE
THE LATE 1960s to mid-70s were a manic depressive time period in music, populated by exultant highs and soul crushing lows. The highs came in the form of disco and bubblegum pop via ABBA, The Bee Gees and their ilk. The lows came in the form of devastating testaments to inner sadness and existential rage. Perhaps it was Vietnam, recreational heroin use, and an economy that was in the crapper that caused such a swell in depressing anthems. Who knows? What is known is that this time period was fertile ground for misery put to melody, and whittling them down to a list of 15 was a daunting task indeed, but here goes….
15. “All By Myself” by Eric Carmen
I think of all the friends I’ve known
But when I dial the telephone
It’s not so much the lyrics as the morose delivery under a melody lifted from Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerto No. 2. Carmen sounds so deeply depressed that you half expect to hear a gunshot at the end of the song.
AS well you know, Russia has been saying some spectacularly dumb things about the LGBT community. In return, the gays and right-minded people have been telling Russia to stick it up their collective hole and piss off while they’re doing it.
And now, with Elton John speaking against the country’s anti-gay law, Vladimir Putin has decided to proclaim his love for Sir Elton, saying that he’s ”an outstanding musician”.
GRATEFUL Dead fans for whom Jerry Garcia is more than an ice-cream pun can head over to JerryGarcia.com and tune in to the music of the 26 bands he played with. Best of all, you can see all the Dead’s shows archived. (They played over 2,300 shows.) If that’s not enough, you can check out Grateful Dead Archive Online from the University of California, Santa Cruz. And then take a look at the Internet Archive’s Grateful Dead collection.
If you don’t know the Dead’s work, listen to their first album. It is a country-rock classic.
APPARENTLY Neil Young and Jack White have teamed-up for an album of covers. Seeing as this is two of the most miserable singers on the planet, you can only imagine the size of the raincloud over the studio while they recorded.
We can only hope that Morrissey and Van Morrison get together in a bid to outdo this hugely glum record.
THE French are not known for being particularly prudish. Their great art is filled with tasteful nudes. They have the boobies on the beaches. Their accents make people orgasm on impact. We’ve seen Carla Bruni with no clothes on. The French, it seems, are comfortable with the human form.
Unless you’re Miley Cyrus or Britney Spears it seems, who have had their videos banned by French television.
THE Nicolas Anelka ‘quinelle’ controversy has taken a dramatic new twist, as West Bromwich Albion’s sponsors have threatened to end their shirt contract if the club continues to pick the French striker.
Zoopla are not the first people to find that association with high-profile individuals can be a double-sided sword…
Flashback To Mach 11 1977: Sex Pistol Johnny Rotten Gives The Double V-Sign After He’s Fined For Drugs
FLASHBACK to 11/03/1977: Johnny Rotten, lead singer with the Sex Pistols, giving a double V-sign to journalists after he had been fined £40 on a drugs charge (speed, since you ask) at Marlborough Street Magistrates Court, London.
FOR a vegetarian, Morrissey doesn’t half thrive on beef. Every time he has something to plug, like a second division rapper, he gets out his broadsword and starts thrashing away at anything popular or generally, whatever cross that brain of his.
And now, Moz has inked a deal for his new solo album, with Capitol/Harvest Records looking mediocre sales in the second half of 2014, mainly from the few who use the True To You online fanzine.
ON January 16th of 1980, Paul McCartney was busted for weed. Japanese customs officials at Narita International Airport found 7.7 ounces of cannabis in the former Beatle’s singer’s bags. For his pains – he’d been travelling with his four children and wife, Linda – Macca scored 10-days stay in a Tokyo prison. The Japan leg of the Wings tour was cancelled.
FANS of albums, prepare to boo-hoo as reports state that album sales in That America have dipped to the lowest levels since records began. We should point out we don’t mean ‘long playing records’, but rather, ‘people making a note of how many albums had been sold, which they started doing in 1991′.
‘Since records began’ is much catchier.
THE music streaming service, Spotify, now allows unlimited free listening. This is seen as a great step forward: the company’s technology is getting better, they’re getting better at selling ads and all that sort of stuff. This may or may not be the actual reason they’re lifting their previous limits though:
Spotify’s advertising engine and paid customer conversion funnel are finally working well enough that today it eliminated all limits on free, ad-supported web listening in all countries. It’s an important milestone for the scalability and sustainability of Spotify’s business that contrasts with other streaming music services like Ex.fm and Rdio that are stumbling or shutting down.
EUROVISION gives and gives. This season it’s given us A Belarussian entry by TEO. It’s called Cheesecake. The video is by Robin Thicke’s less saucy cousin.
RECENTLY, a few well-meaning New Yorkers stopped to check on a crying baby in an abandoned stroller and got seriously spooked when a hideous demonic baby shot straight up from beneath the blankets.
FACE of the Day: Susan Boyle is unveiled as chieftain of the pipe band event at the Bathgate Partnership Centre in Scotland. The singer will take up the post at the British Pipe Band Championship 2014.
TOO frequently, the world of entertainment is very willing to pat itself on the back and gush all over itself about just how wonderful it has been all year.
However, with the shade that is the grisly business of an industry awards ceremony, comes the light of someone simply blowing a raspberry at the whole thing and waggling their arses.
IN “CBB Lee turned me gay’”, former Playboy stunna Louise Glover says dating Celebrity Big Brother contestant Lee Ryan turned her gay. Oddly, the long article makes no mention is made of Glover’s 2010 conviction for assault occasioning actual bodily harm following a trial at Hove Crown Court. For her crime – Glover beat up a women – she was sentenced her to a 30-week prison sentence to be suspended for two years.
Did Somebody Drop His Mouse? Harry Nilsson And The Pensioners Sing ‘I’d Rather Be Dead Than Wet My Bed’
FLASHBACK photo: Deborah Harry of the rock band Blondie visits David Bowie backstage at the Booth Theater where he is starring in The Elephant Man, Nov. 1980. (AP Photo/Nancy Kaye)
THE FAB FOUR had barely left Ed Sullivan’s stage before their songs were being covered like mad across the entire planet. You’d be hard pressed to find a single artist from the mid-sixties to mid-seventies who didn’t have at least one cover in their repertoire. Then royalty rates went up, and it naturally became harder to include a Lennon/McCartney track on an album…. and finally, in July 1978, The Bee Gees famously ruined the idea altogether.
Herein are fifteen from the Golden Age of Beatles Covers – when everyone from Deep Purple to Peter Sellers had a Beatles song to make their own. Enjoy.