Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
THE Daily Star’s Mike Ward is serching for Parks. She is:
The talent show winner who’s vanished without trace: a warning to every X Factor wannabe
Ward is a man on a mission:
PROMISE me you won’t laugh, but I’ve developed this weird obsession with BBC Fame Academy 2003 winner Alex Parks.
Ward has “an obsession with finding out what the hell happened to her… most of them you can Google in a matter or seconds to get at least a rough indication of what they’re up to these days, before going: “Oh, righty-ho.…” and getting on with your day. Alex, on the other hand seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth – and, more to the point, seems to have done this intentionally.”
THIRTY years ago, Michael Buerk brought the pain of millions of starving Ethiopians to British screens. His BBC report in 1984 sparked Bob Geldof to create Live Aid.
Buerk said the broadcast was one of “the most influential pieces of television ever broadcast [prompting] a surge of generosity across the world for Ethiopia[that raised] more than $130 million”.
BIG Bank Hank, US rapper and Sugarhill Gang founder member, has died. He was 57.
Born Henry Jackson, BBH only became a rapper as he couldn’t find a job connected to his oceanography degree.
He was “six foot one and tons of fun”:
ITV2 have killed off Dapper Laughs show On The Pull because the star, one Daniel O’Reilly, made a joke about rape.
The Daily Mirror helped trigger the campaign to end the show by pointing to O’Reilly’s performance at London Scala, in which he told a female audience member:
“She’s gagging for a rape. Yep, we’ll have a chat afterwards. She’s having a chat about ‘yeah, I get quite tight but I get a bit… poor girl. Do you want to come backstage after? Bring two of your mates, you’ll need them.”
WHEN someone suggested that Russell Brand’s Revolution burbling could be echoed with the Blur-inspired cry Parklife, Brand responded with this song and video.
See if you can spot the moment Brand jumps the shark:
TO Uppsala, Sweden, where former Europe’s lead singer Joey Tempest, aka Rolf Magnus Joakim Larsson, is performing a one-man version of his group’s classic, back-combed tribute to space travel, The Final Countdown.
MAX Clifford has lost his appeal against his eight year sentence for sex offences. The PR fixer remains in prison. His victims remain damaged:
Sky News has apologised over an error which led to one of Max Clifford’s victims being named in a recorded broadcast of his appeal… The woman, who has lifelong anonymity under the terms of the Sexual Offences (Amendment) Act 1992, complained to the police when she heard her name 17 minutes into an edited clip which went out on Sky’s website on October 10.
Sky took the clip down. But did you catch the error?
Sky’s counsel, Adrienne Page QC, claimed that the maximum number of viewers was five – including the victim…
Websites aren’t taking over the news business yet, are they…
EVER wonder what a needle on a vinyl record looks like at 1000x magnification?
Here’s what it looks like in action:
PERVERTS rejoice: you just need 150 eggs, 10kg of flour and the same of butter to make a 5ft 10in Jennifer Lawrence effigy…from cake. Wallsall’s very own Lara Clarke baked a tall Lawrence for the Cake International contest, which she won.
SOPHIA Loren has explained why she gave Jayne Mansfield the side-eye at a Beverly Hills party in 1957. She tells Entertainment Weekly:
Paramount had organized a party for me. All of cinema was there, it was incredible. And then comes in Jayne Mansfield, the last one to come. For me, that was when it got amazing. . . . She came right for my table. She knew everyone was watching. She sat down. And now, she was barely . . . Listen. Look at the picture. Where are my eyes? I’m staring at her nipples because I am afraid they are about to come onto my plate. In my face you can see the fear. I’m so frightened that everything in her dress is going to blow—BOOM!—and spill all over the table.
COMPARE and contrast The New Statesman’s reporting on Russell Brand.
24 October, 2013, Russell Brand edited an issue of The New Statesman.
Helen Lewis, deputy editor of the New Statesman, said:
We’re delighted to be working with someone as entertaining, inquisitive and provocative as Russell Brand on this special issue of the New Statesman. With contributors ranging from Judd Apatow to Naomi Klein, the edition will be witty, intelligent and surprising. I mean, looks-wise, he’s no Ken Livingstone, but you can’t have everything.
ANDREW Lawrence writes on BBC bias in comedy:
Can’t help but notice increasingly, a lot ‘political’ comedians cracking cheap and easy gags about UKIP, to the extent that it’s got hack, boring and lazy very quickly. Particularly too much moronic, liberal back-slapping on panel shows like Mock The Week where aging, balding, fat men, ethnic comedians and women-posing-as-comedians, sit congratulating themselves on how enlightened they are about the fact that UKIP are ridiculous and pathetic…
Out of touch, smug, superannuated, overpaid TV comics with their cosy lives in their west-London ivory towers taking a supercilious, moralising tone, pandering to the ever-creeping militant political correctness of the BBC with their frankly surreal diversity targets…
There is a deeply ingrained militant liberal politics at every level of the BBC, despite the fact that it’s tax-payer funded and supposed to be neutral. It’s a biased organisation and the only sorts of political comedians that are welcome within its corridors are those that reflect it’s values.
IN San Francisco, artist Ben Venom recycles heavy metal t-shirts into handmade quilts.
Metal fans hould enjoy looking for familiar looking swatches:
RUSSELL Brand has but one rule in his book Revolution: be entertaining. The reams of bilge and opinion poured over his book is laughable. I never found Brand funny until now.
THE Stephen Hawking biopic The Theory of Everything features a face familiar to fans of Chelsea FC.
The doctor is played by none other than Frank Leboeuf, star of such hits as Taking Sides (2001) and Le foot fait son cinéma (2003).
He tells the Radio Times:
In France I can’t audition because they still think I’m a footballer and don’t take me seriously. But in England they’ve given me the opportunity. I shot two movies here last year, Allies and The Theory of Everything. They give me a chance to show my new skill, and I’m thankful for that. People said very stupid things: they say, “Oh, every football player wants to act.” But there are only three really: Vinnie Jones, Eric Cantona and myself.
CLAUDIA Winkleman is on the front pages. Her eight-year-old daughter, Matilda, has been taken to hospital on Friday after her Halloween costume caught alight.
The Strictly Come Dancing presenter has since issued a statement:
“Our daughter was involved in an accident on Friday night while celebrating Halloween. She is having the best care possible and we are hopeful of a full recovery. We would like to thank everyone that has been so supportive and particularly the NHS doctors, nurses and staff who have been absolutely incredible. We would like to take this opportunity to remind anyone taking part in fireworks parties or Guy Fawkes celebrations to be vigilant about the dangers of candles, open fires and fireworks and to be please have the appropriate safety measures in place and to hand.”
OPEN Culture writes on Slavoj Žižek’s home decor:
How to react to celebrity academic Slavoj Žižek? You could see him as a wild-eyed visionary and grow infatuated with his powerful-sounding ideas about power, violence, cinema, psychoanalysis, and perversion. Or you could see him as a Pied Piper for delusional graduate students and grow enraged at his perpetuation of fashionable nonsense. But you’d do best, I would argue, to take him simply as a source of entertainment. How could you do otherwise, watching the above clip from Astra Taylor’s documentary Žižek!? In these three minutes, the sweating Sublime Object of Ideology author gives us a tour of his pad, spending much time and excitement on his kitchen repurposed as a closet: clothes and sheets in the cupboards, socks in the drawers. “I am a narcissist. I keep everything,” he pronounces, having moved onto the shelves and shelves of his own work, from the pamphlets of his “dissident days” to his latest books in Japanese translation.
He says of thge Stalin poster stuck to a wall:
“My big worry is not to be ignored, but to be accepted. Of course, it’s not that I’m simply a Stalinist. That would be crazy, tasteless, and so on. But obviously there is something in it that it’s not simply a joke. When I say the only change is that the left appropriates fascism and so on, it’s not a cheap joke. The point is to avoid the trap of standard liberal oppositions: freedom versus totalitarian order, and so on, to rehabilitate notions of discipline, collective order, subordination, sacrifice, all that. I don’t think this is inherently fascist.
YOUTUBER jonofthesouth showcases the house music dancers moving to the beat of holiday camp music:
Take it away, Reginald Dixon and the Wurlitzer Theatre Organ enthusiasts:
JAMIE Jungers was one of golfer Tiger’s Woods’ alleged extra-marital play arounds. After the story of Woods’ sex life broke, he went into hiding, swapping his trademark red shirt for luminous orange and pink plaid and retreating into the golf pack, most of whom have never had sex but welcomed Woods as one of their own.
The women came forward to tell of sex with the Tiger. Our favourite was a cocktail waiterss called Jaimee Grubbs, whose name fitted the story of low-life deeds in seedy places. Kalika Moquin and hostess Rachel Uchitel added to the pot of exotica. Were the names made up by a Damon Runyan fan?
STUART MacBeth reviews UB40 for the Oxford Mail:
You may, at this point, wonder when I’m going to tell you what the UB40 gig was like.
For the first 90 minutes this gig was like being at a funeral, waiting for a coffin to turn up. The band looked bored. And by the end my mother’s old adage rings true: “if you haven’t got anything good to say… don’t say anything at all”.
At the end, when it was finally over, my girlfriend and I met up with a couple of friends who’re from Jamaica. We all went to the Hi-Lo Jamaican bar, down the road, and spent a couple of hours listening to reggae. A breath of fresh air.
In 1958 musician Jerry Lee Lewis arrived in London. By his side was his a 13-years-old. She was his first cousin. She was also his new wife Myra Lewis Williams. Now living in Atlanta, Myra is talking with Cuepoint.
After thirteen years of marriage, they were divorced in 1970, when Myra charged that she “has been subject to every type of physical and mental abuse imaginable”; Jerry Lee later said that “it was all my fault—she caught me cheating.” When we met, she described their relationship as a “successful divorce,” though more recently it seems they’ve been clashing over his current, seventh wife.
REASONS to like Arnold Schwarzenegger No. 3458:
RUSSELL Brand, age 39, has written Revolution, a book dedicated ‘To the divine, mischievous spark in you”.
Craig Brown reviews in the Mail:
‘Russell Brand wants YOU to join the Revolution’ is the pithy way his publishers, Century, put it. Oddly enough, Century is a part of Penguin Random House, itself a division of the German media conglomerate Bertelsmann and Pearson PLC, the largest education company and book publisher in the world, and owners of the Financial Times…