Posts Tagged ‘Nominative Determinism’
Caster Semenya Is The Man?
ATHLETICZZzzzzz has been enlivened by South African Caster Semenya, favourite to win the women’s 800m at the World Athletics Championships and facing accusations that she is a man.
Semenya. Is this suspicion rooted in nominative determinism, where a person’s makeup is shaped by their name? Semen-ya.
There would be an easy way to tell. Female athletes wear bikini briefs. But Semanya sports an elongated Bermuda brief. Is that bulge muscle, a handkerchief stuffed into a pocket or is she dressing to left or to the right?
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Posted: 19th, August 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (17)
Ham and Bacon Sandwiches Give You Cancer
MEDIA Scare Stories – Ham and Bacon Sandwiches Give You Cancer.
The Mail seizes on the research, and readers get to hear from Marni Craze – nominative determinism at work again, folks – “children’s education manager” for the charity. Craze has the science:
“If children have processed meat in their lunch every day then over the course of a school year they will be eating quite a lot of it.”
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Graff Robbers Claim £1million Reward
INSURERS Tyler and Company have put a £1m for information leading to the arrest and prosecution of the gang members who robbed Graff Jewellers in New Bond Street.
This tells us that the insurers have little faith in the police finding the villains behind the £40m raid nor the 43 stolen pieces, and are relying of good old fashioned greed to see justice done.
With all that CCTV in London no-one has been found. Maybe the robbers can return the goods and get a cool million?
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Russell Brand’s Twisted Knickers
RUSSELL Brand is currently in New York. And the Sun spots him entering the city’s Agent Provocateur knicker and snicker emporium.
Anorak was sent the pictures of this event, which we bring to you in a gallery hereunder. And on them we saw a man in a shop; a man leaving a shop; a shop assistant leaving shop holding what appears to be the man’s receipt.
No news here. Move on. Only the Sun’s Gordon Smart (a product of anti-nominative determinism) has space to fill.
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Posted: 30th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Candy Spelling Writes Tori Spelling Into Her Paris Hilton Sitcom
CANDY Spelling, widowed wife of Hollywood legend Aaron Spelling, is using the corporate gossip site TMZ to reach out to her daughter Tori Spelling – who remains famous for the most audacious acting performance of all time when she played the blonde everyone fancied in Beverly Hills 90210, a show produced by her dad.
Now Candy Spelling is writing another chapter in her own sitcom. Candy is a woman of letters. As 14 points out:
She accused Britney Spears of being “famous for hideous, irresponsible actions“, informed Paris Hilton that she’s not as entitled as her money implies, and called Joe Francis a “poster boy for what happens when boys go wild“. Joe Francis lonely old woman living in a mansion full of 300 cats jumping around in their own feces. didn’t take Candy’s advice lightly – he wrote back, speculating the she was a
The email begins:
TO: MIDDLE-AGED REALITY SHOW STARS (LIKE MY DAUGHTER)
FROM: CANDY SPELLINGI Know many middle-aged people have issues about their parents and their upbringing. I did. My memories didn’t match all those of my mother, and, funny thing, it’s the same way with my daughter.
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Posted: 26th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Swedish Flasher Fagerholm Victim Of Willy’s
MATS Fagerholm, a 35-year-old Swedish flasher, is a victim of nominative determinism.
Fagerholm tells police:
“It’s bad enough with all the cucumbers and other vegetables on display, but then when I see the store’s name I just can’t help myself. It’s not my fault.”
Fagerholm was arrested outside a Willy’s store in Orebro, southern Sweden.
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Posted: 22nd, July 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Al Gore Creates His Schindler’s List
AL Gore says people who ignore climate change and fail to listen to him as he selflessly jets into speak are Nazis. In the day of reckoning what side will you be on: Nazis or Green Shirts?
The Times: After arriving in a private jet, Al Gore today compared the battle against climate change with the struggle against the Nazis.
The Times now says: “Al Gore invokes spirit of Churchill in battle against climate change.”
The Nazis are purged:
Al Gore invoked the spirit of Winston Churchill yesterday when he urged political leaders to follow the example of Britain’s wartime leader in the battle against climate change…
Speaking in Oxford at the Smith School World Forum on Enterprise and the Environment, sponsored by The Times, Mr Gore said: “Winston Churchill aroused this nation in heroic fashion to save civilisation in World War Two. We have everything we need except political will, but political will is a renewable resource.”
The Times was co-sponsoring the event at which Gore was speaking, and surely realised that comparing Naziism with being sceptical about climate change made their man look unhinged at worse and a scaremonger at best.
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Posted: 8th, July 2009 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)
Kim Sears As Andy Murray Mounts
TO Murray Mount, formerly Henman Hill, Wade’s Wall, Perry’s Peak and Cliff’s Cliff and news from Wimbledon that Murray’s doubles’ partner Kim Sears (more nominative determinism, folks!) is sending “temperatures soaring further in sexy shades and shorts”.
From our vantage point, we can see the 21-year-old “wow onlookers in a pair of tiny denim hotpants”.
Phwoarty love!
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Posted: 24th, June 2009 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Leighton Meester Sex Tape Footage
WHAT news on that 1970s-style Leighton Meester sex tape, and footage?
Well, news is that the owner of the tape, that allegedly features Gossip Girl TV star Leighton Meester, thinks its worth $1 million (US not Liberian).
For less money than that, you could get a porn starlet to undergo surgery to be a pornified Meester and make tapes by the dozen.
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Posted: 23rd, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
BNP Organzier Has NAZI Car Sticker
MORE news from Blackburn, and that Robin Evans, the BNP’s Blackburn organiser, drives about town with a “Nazi sticker” on his car.
The former councillor for Mill Hill in Blackburn, who now lives in Darwen, said he did not know who had stuck the letters on his metallic green Volkswagen Golf, but thought it was “quite funny”, adding: “It doesn’t bother me”
The Volkswagen is in keeping with the theme. But if he did not stick the stickers, who did?
Blackburn MP Jack Straw said the sticker “exposed the true colours of the BNP”.
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Posted: 18th, June 2009 | In: Politicians | Comments (4)
Cher’s New Man: Daughter Chaz Bono’s Sex Change
NEWS reaches us that Cher’s daughter Chastity Bono is to undergo a sex change. Chastity Bono will become a man. A new man in Cher’s life. Sonny Bono?
This is Chastity Bono – a product of nominative determinism – who goes under the name Chaz, and who weighs the same as a grizzly bear.
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Posted: 12th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Susan Boyle Is A SyCo Sico
SUSAN Boyle is released from The Priory mental clinic and signs a deal with a record company to promote her new album. The name of that record company is…
SyCo
It’s Simon Cowell’s record label.
No, not SiCo. It’s SyCo. As in Psycho.
It’s nominative determinism at work.
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Posted: 7th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Spencer Pratt And Heidi Back In the Jungle
SPENCER Pratt is the shiny-toothed, vapid, Fauntleroy-headed American celeb with the estate agent looks – the epitome of nominative determinism – who has been on the US version of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here!.
Pratt has now left. After one day. He took his other half, Heidi Montag – yeah, Heidi, as in the auld-Nazi goat girl – with him.
This picture is of the gruesome twosome arriving back in LA.
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Posted: 3rd, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Nominative Determinism: Mike Clasper
NOMINATIVE Determinism – The chairman of Revenue & Customs (HMRC) is called Mike Clasper.
Can he grapple with MPs expenses?
Send your nominative determinism spots to The Forums...
Bill Cash Is A Victim Of Nominative Determinism
BILL Cash is a victim of nominative determinism.
It is not his fault. It’s his name that makes him the way he is. Bill Cash never stood a chance.
Bill Cash is Tory MP for Stone.
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Posted: 29th, May 2009 | In: Politicians | Comments (4)
Susan Boyle Watch: Britain’s Got Tourette’s
SUSAN Boyle Watch – In which Susan Boyle behaves like a holidaymaker in London and tells coppers, Piers Morgan and Shaheen Jafargholi to fuck off.
“SuBo goes loco”, screams the Sun. “Britain’s Got bad language,” announces the Mirror.
RANTING Susan Boyle completely lost her cool with TWO four-letter outbursts in a day, The Sun can reveal.
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Posted: 28th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (26)
Douglas Hogg A Victim Of Nominative Determinism
SWINE Fever: Conservative MP Douglas Hogg wanted the taxpayer to pay £2,200 to clear his moat at his country estate.
Mr Hogg maintained he had not claimed the money but agreed it had not been “positively excluded” from paperwork submitted to the Commons fees office.
“I believe that my claims fell clearly within the scope of the rules.”
Hogg. Troughing.
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Posted: 21st, May 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment
Nominative Determinism: France Twinned With Blackpool
A NEW campaign by Blackpool tourism bosses/ chiefs to remind the French that Britain’s Tower is better than their effort at height, what with its shorter queues to ride to the top and Jungle Jim’s Towering Adventure Land.
And who oversees the push to help out the French? Why, it’s Helen France, director of tourism for Blackpool Council.
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Nominative Determinism: Heidi Montag Is Heidi Pratt
HEIDI Montag has married Spencer Pratt.
If there were ever a cause of nominative determinalism by design then this is it. And now the Pratts call BOASTS and order a gaggle of little Pratts:
“Heidi wants four boys,” Us magazine.com quoted Montag’s sister-in-law Stephanie Pratt as saying.
“Four Spencer Pratts!” she added.
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Posted: 8th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
World’s Most Bizarre Name: Shit Fun Chew
SHIT FUN Chew has the world’s most bizarre name.
Shit Fun Chew is the co-author of Ornithine-urea cycle and urea synthesis in African lungfishesm, as produced by the Department of Biological Sciences, National University of Singapore.
His work features in the Journal of Experimental Zoology.
We wonder if Mr Shit Fun Chew has a name that lends itself to zoology, and if Mr Fun Chew is the product of nominative determinalism?
Or just unlucky?
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Posted: 6th, May 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comments (2)
Megan Fox Video: Megan’s Morning Glory
SAYS Megan Fox prior to her morning glory video:
“I just want to work and make the right choices, and study and develop as an actress.”
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Posted: 5th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
The UK’s Least Wanted: List Of The Banned
SINCE October 2008, 22 people have been banned from entering the UK. The list is published hereunder – albeit less those six names withheld by the government in the “public interest”.
(How can it be in your interest not to know your enemy?)
The least wanted:
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Desirée Rogers Says Obama To Star In Soap Opera
DESIREE Rogers, aka Desirée Rogers, is not only a product of nominative determinalism, but also the White House Social Secretary.
She is talking Brand Barack Obama with the Wall Street Journal, and how He is like a bar of soap:
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Posted: 1st, May 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment
Georgia’s Would-Be Governor Says He Won’t Have Sex With A Mule Again
DYLAN Otto Krider profiles Neal Horsey, Georgia Creator’s Rights Party candidate for governor. It turns out that Mr Horsey has had sex with a mule – can anyone now argue with Nominative Determinalism?
Berfore we get to Krider’s interview, here’s a snippet of his confession on Alan Colmes, a FOX News radio program host:
NH: “Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule.”
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Posted: 30th, April 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)
The Amy Winehouse Barbie Doll
BARBIE is 50 years of age, and having been reworked in much plastic, the super-skinny role model for millions of mums and daughters, and some sons and dads (you know who you are), takes a break from eating – she’s mad for food! – to get some tattoo ink, like Amy Winehouse.
It’s the Amy Winehouse Middle-Aged Crisis Barbie Doll.
Enjoy the video. It is beyond parody.
And loo out for: the reporter on the wings (nothing creepy there), the bearded inkologist called Michael Hair (nominative determinalism) and a report trying to eke sensation from a sticker by way of medical expert opinion and worried mums.
Video:
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Posted: 30th, April 2009 | In: Money | Comments (2)
