Anorak

TV & Radio | Anorak - Part 40

TV & Radio Category

Television and radio programme reviews, trailers, highlights, twilights and cinema news. Also the neglected gems from years past.

Flashback TV: Poshest Blockbusters Gold Run Ever

WATCH in awe as a man named Paul blitzes the Blockbusters Gold Run in the deftest and poshest way possible. His friend, also called Paul (Bob affectionately named them Paul 1 and Paul 2) also gives him a very posh round of applause at the end. TV needs more bowtie wearers…

Huzzah!

Posted: 14th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Tallafornia Is Eugenics Telly Hitler Could Only Have Dreamt Of

TALLAFORNIA is a vison on hell in Dublin. The Irish Herald gives it a cracking review:

Tallafornia is cheap, tacky, shoddy and extraordinarily badly-produced. It’s so grotty it makes the Living channel look like PBS.

Can it be so bad, it’s good? Or will it just be humanity debased, the kind of TV Hitler and his Nazi eugenic machine would have dreamt up and broadcast to debase a the untermensch?

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Posted: 14th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Japanese Teacher Teaches Foreigners How To Speak English…Sorry…Engrish…

EDUCATION Video of The Day: Japanese teacher teaches foreigners how to speak English… sorry…Engrish…

Spotter: Matt Miller

Posted: 14th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Girls Vomits On Stage During School Play

SCHOOL production of the day – in which the fairy vomits on stage. Hey, you need to try something new every year or else the mums and dads get bored. Next year’s nativity play features Jesus’ phone being hacked by Herod and the ‘Virgin’Mary’s husband Joseph explaining what he was up with the innkeeper’s wife…

Posted: 14th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Emma West Fan Club: Racist Bus Traveller Of The Day Video (Alleged?)

THE Emma West Public Transport Society of My Fu**ing Great Britain (alleged) presents British bus traveller of the day.

Langauge is NSFW – but well safe for their Great Britain:

Posted: 13th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


German Carries Lots Of Beer On His Hans

HERE’S a German called Hans carrying lots of big glasses of beer at once to the top tabel at the G8 summit in Frankfurt. He never arrived. Instead the world leaders had to make to with a bottle of Ouzo and a sniff of Sarkozy’s aftershave.

Note: sound effects, as recorded at the Griechenland und Fehlschlag club, were added later.

Posted: 13th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Friendliest Bear In The World: A Video Of Awwww Shucks

IT’S the friendliest bear in the world. He’s soooo lifelike. Big brown bears get so little good press. It’s all so much fretting over suicidal polar bears and non-shagging pandas that gets the news media excited. But brown bears can be cute, too. They can wave. Of course, seconds after this video was taken another huge brown bear – the one Snuggles was waving to like a special toddler wearing gloves tied together with elastic – approached the Family Robinson from behind and tried to eat them and their pic-er-nic baskets…

Spotter: TDW

 

Posted: 12th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


X Factor Winners Little Mix Need Tulisa To Make The Spice Girls Cry

LITTLE Mix have won the X Factor. To them the chance to record great pop music. Or as the Sun screams from its front page:

“£8m Mega Mix – Girls beat Marcus to set up huge payday”

Colin Robertson is all about the money:

And they are set to rake in millions…

…the girls were last night set to earn a staggering £8MILLION from megabucks commercial deals. Their record deal advance of around £150,000 will be dwarfed by lucrative contracts with major brand names. The cute foursome are viewed as “a marketer’s dream” and have a string of offers on the table already.

They include haircare products, clothing manufacturers, beauty firms and corporate gigs earning £50,000 a time.

They will also make a fortune in the US as Cowell pushes ahead with his dream of getting them into the big time.

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Posted: 12th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Guy Francis – Mr Tourettes – Sings To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before

TO All The Girls I’ve Loved Before, as sung by Mr Tourettes himself, Guy Francis.

Language is NSFW.

Posted: 12th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Little Mix Win X Factor As Rachel Crow Asks Her Mom Why She Never Fell Ill And Nearly Died?

ON the night Little Mix are voted winners of the X Factor 2011 and band most likely to sing a dreary single – didn’t you prefer their old stuff when they were Rhythmix? – a thought for Rachel Crow. She’s the 13-year-old who when told that America had voted her off the US X Factor sank to her knees in a manner a penitent King Herod would consider a little OTT and did a passable impression of Violet Elizabeth Bott.

Everyone cried. Well, everyone aside from the show’s host Steve Jones, the animatronic Man At Burton’s suit dummy who went down on one knee like Bruce Forsyth lining up a pro-celebrity putt with Tarby and missed.

The wonderful tear ducts were opened when Nicole Scherzinger failed at her job of judging and took it to a phone vote. Nicole just wanted the world to know that sending home a teenager was so hard. Nicole is no high school teacher. She dabbed her eyes with Rachel’s cuddle cloth and held her hands over her heart to check it was still there. Then the American pubic voted. Rachel was gone to the celebrity butter mountain.

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Posted: 11th, December 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comments (4) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Louis Walsh Had No Idea He Was Going Bald Until Simon Cowell Told Him

IT’S the morning of the X Factor live final and the Daily Mirror begins the expected news of hype and hoopla. Yes – Louis Walsh has had a hair transplant. Now as you roll your eyes at the singing and judgements you can study the top of Walsh’s head. And that used to be no easy thing. Walsh’s head acts as if it’s on a spring, bobbling here and there like an incontinent Weeble top-toeing thruogh a Glastonbury portaloo. We thought it was raw excitement or itching powder that kept up Walsh’s perpetual motion, but it was most likely the Irishman aiming to be a moving target and so harder to hit with barbs.

It turns out that even Walsh could not see Walsh’s head, having to be told he was thinning by the ever helpful Simon Cowell. Walsh had been labouring under the impression his hair was a blur or iron grey filings.

He tells the Mirror:

“He [Cowell]came up to me and said, ‘You know, you’re starting to lose your hair, dear.” I said, ‘I am not, dear! And anyway, you’re going grey!’”

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Posted: 10th, December 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Greggs The Bakers In Row Over Blatant Product Placement On TV News

GREGGS the master bakers in row over product placement in news report:

Spotter: Arbroath

Posted: 10th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Francis Gets An Early Christmas Present And Challenges All Your Prejudices

FRANCIS gets an early Christmas present. What do your prejudices tell you about this video? Is it a spoof? It is, isn’t it…

Of course it is…

Posted: 9th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


BBC TV’s This Week Broadcast’s The Christmas Party From Hell

BBC TV’s This Week ends with an insight into the Christmas party from hell:

Posted: 9th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Trampoline Runs Riot In Fife

MEANWHILE in Fife, Scotland, the winds are playing havoc with Olympic preparations. Look out! Trampoline!

Posted: 9th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Frankie Cocozza Beats Michael Jackson’s Arse On X Factor Final

IN readiness for X Factor Final weekend, the Daily Star surveys the finalists and leads with news of…Frankie Cocozza. The bewilderingly untalented camel-hump haired dope is the subject of the front-page headline:

“I’LL BE IN X FACTOR FINAL”

Peter Dyke reports:

X FACTOR rebel Frankie Cocozza is plotting to gatecrash the ITV show’s final this weekend.

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Posted: 9th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The New York Parallel Parking God Must Be French

GAWKER has posted a video of a “Parallel Parking God” in action in New York.

If this is a God, then Paris must be Mount Olympus…

Gothamist

 

Posted: 8th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Emma West: My Britain Is F*ck All Now Is A Christmas Hit

HAVING written the Queen’s Christmas Speech – “My Britain is fuck all now” – Croydon Tram nasty Emma West will not make the seasonal number 1 spot her own:

Posted: 7th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Radio Spiritworld Broadcasts From The Great Beyond

ROBERT Popper and Peter Serafinowicz’s new radio show comes to you from the afterlife. Radio Spiritworld is here to help. Go ahead, caller…

Posted: 6th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


X Factor Fix: Amelia Lily’s Winning Single Already In The Shops

WHO will win the X Factor?

Will it be Jackie Wilson tribute act Marcus Collins? How about Little Minx, the four piece-act who dance like Pez dispensers – and sing like ’em too? Or will it be Amelia Lily, the singer who was told by Kelly Rowland to dye her hair pink then kicked off the show by… Kelly Roland, only to be invited back on the show on a wave of favourable press and a phone vote – given a second chance when Frankie Cocozza (who he?) was kicked off?

Well, on the HMV online shop you can buy Amelia Lily’s X Factor winning single for 2011.

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Posted: 6th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Cats Watching Ice-Skating In The Style Of Mystery Science Theater 3000

A READER sends us this video of cats watching ice-skating. Who knew they were such fans. It reminds us of the Mystery Science Theater 3000, featuring the silhouettes of a man and his robot sidekicks watching films of debatable quality on a space station.

Someone dub these cats’ voices and you’ve got TV gold:

Aim high:

Posted: 5th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Dougie Poynter Wins I’m A Celebrity: Will Fatima Whitbread Be A Late Entrant To BBC Sports Personality Of The Year?

DOUGIE Poynter, the bassist from McFly, is this season’s King of the I’m A Celebrity jungle. But the real winners are the Sushitty Grub and bush pig penis he ate in the interests of good telly, Look out for Dougie advertising the frozen penis grub ring for Iceland next year.

Also, if the BBC is still grubbing around for a women to add to the Sports Personality of The Year list, we offer 1997 winner Fatima Whitbread, who had a cockroach syringed from her nose and whose competitive fires caused her to reflect on the “immense” pressure of gathering insects into a vat. She also debated the rules of Family Jungle with Essex torch bearer Mark Wright in the kind of detail Sky Sports usual reserves for a Wayne Rooney yellow card. Jamie Redknapp’s future on the sofas is severely threatened.

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Posted: 4th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Bad TV: Georgia On My Mind Sung In The Style Of A Murderous Clown

BAD TV (or is this great?): A man will now sing Georgia On My Mind in the style of a murderous clown:

Posted: 4th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Tulisa Blames Everything On Her Being Poor On X Factor Apart From Lack Of Knowledge

FOR those who saw the fly-on-the-wall documentary series that followed N-Dubz around (all ten of us then, great), you will have seen Tulisa Contostavlos as a rather canny young woman who was a lot smarter than she let on. And so, her getting the gig on the X Factor was potentially a very good idea.

Alas, along the way, something went wrong. Namely, the thing that went wrong was Tulisa showcasing her gaping lack of knowledge when it comes to popular music. Out of her depth, she’s taken to holding back her (surprisingly) warm personality in favour of constantly sounding like she’s in a job-interview while saying things that are knuckle-whiteningly irritating.

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Posted: 1st, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Jeremy Clarkson Is Raped And Shot In The Face In Joke Taken Too Far, Say Some

JEREMY Clarkson says of the striking public sector workers:

“I’d have them all shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families. I mean, how dare they go on strike when they have got these gilt-edged pensions that are going to be guaranteed while the rest of us have to work for a living?”

He does not say who would shoot them, but we imagine it would be winners of the Clarkson Lottery or members of the Emma West Twitter Hunt. Or Richard Hammond, Clarkson’s chief lickspittle on Top Gear. No, he wouldn’t do it. He’d just agree with Jeremy that it should be done and snigger. The killer would be James May.

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Posted: 1st, December 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comments (14) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0